December 19 – Gingerbread Man

Posted on December 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Dessert Delicacies

Christmas is a time of peace, love, joy… and desserts! It seems Ma Sip is always baking this time of year and even Mrs. Sip spends some rare time in the kitchen. Cookies exchanges and potlucks are the norm during the holiday season, so you can’t even escape overindulging while at work. Here are some Christmas dessert staples:

Gingerbread Men/Houses

I’m not a massive fan of Gingerbread, while Mrs. Sip does enjoy it. We used to construct a yearly Gingerbread House, but have long since left that frustrating process behind us, in favour of… well, being lazy. I really only enjoyed the process for getting to eat all the candy you’re supposed to apply to the house, so maybe instead of buying the kit every year, I should have just grabbed a bag of candy and ate myself stupid!

Shortbread Cookies

I’m not sure why Shortbread Cookies are so addictive. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, they’re pretty plain. Even if you dress them up with chocolate and other ingredients, there’s not a whole lot going on there. Similarly, Sugar Cookies just seem to hit the spot when you start binging on them. Like potato chips, it’s hard to stop at one. Looking back at this project I’ve been doing for the last year, it seems I have a myriad of concerning vices that need to be dealt with!

Cinnamon Buns

I’ve already written that Cinnamon Buns are often a featured item on Christmas morning for the Family Sip. They also make for a great snack throughout the holiday season. This is one of the few circumstances where I welcome cream cheese… and lots of it! All you need to do is warm those suckers up (if they’re not fresh out of the oven) and go into icing shock. Make sure to lick that plate clean… it saves on time spent washing dishes!

Fruit Cake

I’ve never really done the Fruit Cake thing. It seems that a lifetime of jokes about Fruit Cakes (usually being passed back and forth and never consumed because nobody wants it) has steered me clear of the oft-criticized dessert offering. I’m making it my goal to try the cake this year at some point. All I need to do is get blitzed enough that my taste buds are in full retreat and I’ll go in for the score. I’ll keep you updated on my adventures.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

I’m such a cookie fiend that yes, this is the third entry on this list to be cookie-based. Chocolate Chip is a good starting point, but I love Cookies that go beyond the normal recipe. Ma Sip made a batch this year with Cinnamon Chips and I’ve always been partial to throwing some peanut butter in the recipe. Mrs. Sip and I have our own patented recipe called ‘Bitches be Poison’ which includes chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, and Smarties among other indulgent ingredients.

Pie

Christmas is a perfect time to bring out the Pie (don’t think too dirty, my little sippers), regardless of which flavour. American Thanksgiving starts the ball rolling with Apple and Pumpkin Pie, both of which frequent Christmas feast menus. I’ve always preferred a fruit-filled pie like cherry or raspberry. Add some ice cream to your slice and you’ll be in a la mode heaven! Now you have the tough decision of which flavour to choose from, but I’m sure you’re capable.

Bread Pudding

I’ll finish up with another entry that I’m not particularly fond of (Mrs. Sip is, begging the question of how we ever found similarities to base our relationship around!). Bread Pudding just isn’t my cup of tea… although it is enjoyed with a cup of tea. I think my dislike has more to do with the pudding portion than the bread. The only pudding I find tolerable is chocolate-flavoured and only when it’s in one of those little snack-sized cups. I can thank Bill Cosby for that!

Drink #353: Gingerbread Man

Rim glass with Crushed Gingerbread
1 oz Irish Crème
1 oz Goldschlager
1 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
1 oz Vodka
Sprinkle with Crushed Gingerbread

What Christmas dessert traditions do you enjoy? Do you want to get in on my Fruit Cake pledge? Do you like the questions I ask of you? Am I just wasting my time with these wrap-up paragraphs?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail wasn’t bad, but Mrs. Sip didn’t like how strong it was. The only issue I had with it was that the Goldschlager is a little too heavy and dominant in the drink and I might knock back its proportion if I made the martini in the future. The Gingerbread Cookie rim and dusting worked okay, but not as good as other rims I’ve put together.

November 25 – Brandy Alexander

Posted on November 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Night Moves

Nothing finishes off a good evening of boozing than a perfectly-timed night cap. But what to enjoy as your final drink of the evening is up for debate. Here are some ideas I’ve accumulated and, of course, would love to share with all you little sippers.

Amaretto

A lot of night caps consist of straight alcohol, neat or on the rocks. Amaretto and its almond flavour can be a little sweet for some, but for the Sip Advisor, it’s pure heaven in a glass. I’m usually rounding out my buzz on Disaronno, while Mrs. Sip is rushing around prepping for a late night shower… and I’m pestering her the whole time!

Cognac

I haven’t really delved into the world of cognacs too much, but I do enjoy the Courvoisier offerings I’ve had to this point and Mrs. Sip picked up a bottle of Hennessy for me while she was recently in Europe. I find cognac to be comparable to scotch, but perhaps it doesn’t share the exact same level of manliness as scotch.

Spiked Coffee

This can be achieved with everything from Irish Crème to various liqueurs. Pa Sip likes to use Pinnacle Whipped Vodka in his late night coffee, while sitting around the fire pit and roasting marshmallows (or himself!). Now I know why that bottle is always depleted when I come home for visits!

Hot Toddy

The Hot Toddy can be made up of various recipes, depending on your locale. The traditional Scottish version mixes whiskey, hot water, sugar or honey, and lemon slices or cinnamon, depending on the desired flavour. In North America, you might be served a variation using ginger ale subbed in for the water.

Scotch on the Rocks

When Mrs. Sip and I were in Mexico last year, enjoying my first all-inclusive experience, I made sure to finish off every night with some scotch. It’s a wonderful sipping drink that calms the nerves and the powerful alcohol makes you rest peacefully when you decide to hit the hay.

Grand Marnier

With its sweet orange flavour, this liqueur is perfect for a little nip before bedtime. I remember when I was just a wee little sipper, enjoying the Grand Marnier liqueur chocolate bottles best, among options that included Kahlua, Irish Crème, and others. I had to get my Sip Advisor start somewhere!

Night Cap

Well, given its prominence in the drinking lexicon, you had to figure there would actually be a cocktail called Night Cap. The drink recipe consists of rum, warm milk, cinnamon, and sugar. It doesn’t sound like something I would particularly enjoy, as I don’t really like warm beverages, but it might be just right for others.

Drink #329: Brandy Alexander

1 oz Cognac (I used Hennessy)
1 oz Crème de Cacao
Top with Milk
Garnish with Nutmeg

Now that you’re all cozy and tucked in for a long winter’s nap (wearing your warmest footy pajamas and all), remember to check out this wonderful site for your bedtime reading!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This was a pretty decent cocktail, but I feel like it’s too similar to other cocktails I’ve made over this project. Given this is a classic cocktail, it probably came well before the others I’ve sampled, but I could help but think of other recipes, like the International Incident when sipping this nightcap.

November 23 – Oatmeal Cookie

Posted on November 23, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Whiskey Laughs

Whiskey is such a good friend to all of Sip Nation that it doesn’t even mind us sharing a few laughs at its expense. Thank you for all the good times sir whiskey, the great!

I wholeheartedly agree that whiskey is a cure for all ailments. Look no further than my Whiskey Sick Day article from last April. It is no coincidence that just days after downing this cocktail (the things I do for all you little sippers) I was feeling better and over my illness. I’ve never really ended up on the bathroom floor for any reason, but I’ve seen friends end up there and it’s pretty hilarious!

I’m that guy that brings whiskey nearly everywhere I go: wedding, funeral, sporting event, bris, dentist appointment… you name it! Whiskey will get you through whatever situation is in front of you. That’s right, whatever your girlfriend, wife, parents, siblings, family are set to put you through, just keep your old pal whiskey close by and all will go well… trust me!

For the record, I would love to get Fireball Whiskey as a Valentine’s Day gift. I hope Mrs. Sip is paying attention to this article. She usually gets me liquor as presents, but I just want her to know that those gifts are greatly appreciated. Sex is cool too, if you’re taking notes (wink)!

Freebird is a pretty wicked song… perhaps one of the best southern anthems of all time! Although I know this can be an issue for some people, I’m okay with these posed photos with kids looking like they’re boozing or smoking or whatever. For the most part, I find them pretty innocent and funny. Every kid needs a photo of them when they were little ones holding a beer bottle or having a pack of smokes nearby. It’s a rite of passage!

If I ever saw this sign outside a bar, I would drop everything I was doing and promptly enter said establishment! I’m not even a fan of soup and have never really understood the concept of people getting soup at restaurants when it’s pretty friggin’ easy to make a bowl of hot liquid on your own. A mystery I may never be able to solve!

Drink #327: Oatmeal Cookie

0.5 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
0.5 oz Irish Crème
Splash of Jagermeister Spice
Splash of Goldschlager
Splash of Fireball Whiskey
Garnish with Oatmeal Cookie

If you know of any good whiskey memes out there in internet land, please send them along, care of The Sip Advisor, PO Box 71169, and I’ll be happy to enjoy a quick chuckle over the joke. Much love, little sippers!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I’m not sure how much this shot tastes like an oatmeal cookie. There’s definitely a noticeable cinnamon flavour thanks to most of the spirits used, but I don’t think it exactly hits on the intended taste. That could be my fault, as I altered some of the recipe. It still tasted good and it was my first chance to use Jagermeister Spice, which I also tried on its own and it looks like we’ll become fast friends!

November 5 – International Incident

Posted on November 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Drink Nation

I recently stumbled upon a report about the 10 greatest drinking nations in the world. Sadly, Canada did not make that list, but neither did our neighbours to the south… or even their neighbours to the south. Here are my thoughts on those that did crack the top 10 and where I think Canadians need to improve to better our future ranking.

10. Australia

While Australia has wine and beer creations to its credit, I can’t think of any liquors they’ve introduced to the world. The article does point out that former Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke made the Guinness Book of World Records for downing 2.5 pints of beer in 2.5 seconds. If that’s the effort your politicians are putting forward, I guess you deserve to be on this list.

Wow, even the roos are getting in on the act!

9. Germany

The land of Oktoberfest; the event which has largely earned them this spot on the countdown. Germany is known for their beer making, beer serving (wenches impressively carrying eight beer steins at the same time), and beer consumption. Although the Czech citizens drink more beer than the Germans, that’s still not enough to topple this suds nation.

8. Uganda

How does an African nation make this list? Does professional wrestler Kamala (the Ugandan Giant) have something to do with this, forcing the country’s way onto the list through sheer intimidation tactics? Apparently residents will gather and sit around a pot of ajono (beer-like substance) and pass a long straw around. Not sure that earns their way onto this list.

7. South Korea

All this despite South Korea’s strict social guidelines. Apparently, it’s common practice in the country to get plastered on mixes of beer and whiskey and let loose, getting out all of your pent-up anger and frustration. So, basically what every drinker in the world does when they’re a few wobbly pops deep into the night!

6. Moldova

According to the World Health Organization, Moldova is the most liquored up nation in the world. Stats say that per person, each resident drinks 18 litres of alcohol in a year. Does that include children? The former Soviet nation’s favourite hangover cure is pickle juice and I’m down with that. Perhaps we could share some Moldovian fruit brandies, followed by pickles for breakfast!

5. Ecuador

The local liquor in Ecuador, Zhumir, is affectionately known as “hangover in a bottle”… that’s a challenge the Sip Advisor would like to take, given my invincibility towards the morning after suffering. Etiquette in the country dictates that you cannot start drinking until someone has made a toast, so if you’re all alone, make sure there’s a mirror in your room to cheers yourself.

4. France

Home to the Champagne region and too-many-to-count wineries. Apparently the people of France turn their nose up to selling liquor from other countries. That’s not really surprising, but it means they’re really missing out, especially with Belgian beers, Spanish sangria and English gin offerings so close to their borders.

What does this have to do with drinking? Nothing, but I’m posting it anyway! Suck it, France!

3. Russia

Russians drink vodka at all times of the day. It’s just their way of life. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, bedtime snack… no time of day is enjoyed sans vodka. Russia is the all-important buckle of the Vodka Belt. I’m totally down with people that don’t drink in normal conventions. We’d get along real well.

2. China

Sadly, this site has never received a viewer from the massive country of China. Thanks to the nation’s censorship laws, citizens often have to tether on to other countries internet signals to access non-governmental approved sites. I guess the more citizens you have (and China of course has tons) the more liquor you need to keep the population docile and happy and therefore your portfolio in the alcohol world grows.

1. United Kingdom

While I’ve always had a good time drinking in the U.K., I’m not sure I agree with the country taking the top spot on this list. That said, the country is lined with bars that are often packed to the brim with people looking to get boozed up. They can also be credited with much of the world’s gin production and for that, we thank them. Party on Brits!

Drink #309: International Incident

0.5 oz Irish Crème
0.5 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Amaretto
0.5 oz Coffee Liqueur
0.5 oz Macadamia Nut Liqueur
Splash of Milk
Garnish with Macadamia Nuts

If the fine folks in Mexico can’t even crack the list, despite their IP on tequila production, then us schlubs in Canada shouldn’t feel so bad. I also question nations like Ireland (although I guess it’s kind of part of the U.K.) and Belgium not cracking the top 10. I want answers, dammit!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This recipe is intended to be a shot, but I increased the ingredient increments and turned it into a nightcap cocktail. The drink gave me my first chance to use our Macadamia Nut Liqueur, which I subbed for the originally scheduled Hazelnut Liqueur and it tasted great. A highlight of the cocktail was the hint of salt you got with each sip, thanks to the Macadamia Nuts garnish!

October 26 – Bazooka Joe

Posted on October 26, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Tales from the Candy-keeper

There are numerous urban legends based on candy. Here are some of the juicier tales out there:

Recharge on Mars

Rockers sure know how to party. That’s why this legend involving Rolling Stones front man Mick Jagger, singer Marianne Faithfull, and a Mars chocolate bar persisted for so long. When a party at guitarist Keith Richards’ home was broken up by police, rumours began flying that Jagger was interrupted while eating a Mars bar that was inside Ms. Faithfull (I’ll let your imaginations put that one together). The story was entirely untrue, but I bet Mars bar sales skyrocketed, with deprived lovers looking to spice up their sex life!

You’re right, Mick! It is a pretty funny story!

Pop Rock N’ Roll

As the story goes, if you mix Pop Rocks with Cola, this diabolic concoction would cause you to explode. The legend was enhanced when people claimed that Mikey, the Life Cereal ad campaign kid (you know, “Hey, Mikey likes it!”) was an original victim of the blast. A similar tale has recently surrounded Mentos and Cola, because the two products do combine to create fizz and can launch a bottle into orbit. The cute Pepsi girl of the 90’s was said to be a casualty. In both cases, no one has actually died from ingesting the two items together.

Hole-in-One

Creator Clarence Crane was said to have designed Life Savers with a hold in the middle after his daughter tragically died choking on a candy. The hole was to allow oxygen to pass through a person’s body, even if stuck in one’s throat. The reality, however, is quite a bit different. Crane fashioned his new invention after the floatable inner tubes that were becoming all the rage following the Titanic disaster in 1912.

All Wrapped Up

Legend had it, that if you found an image of Indian, complete with bow and arrow, on your Tootsie Roll or Pop wrapper, you would be the recipient of any number of prizes, ranging from Tootsie treats for life to a new bicycle to unimaginable wealth and celebrity (I added that last one myself!). I would have loved to have found that Indian, as I very much enjoy the Tootsie products. Sadly, the story is completely fabricated.

Jaw Dropper

It’s hard to believe this one is actually true, but it has been verified by the fine folks at MythBusters. If you place one of those massive jawbreakers in the microwave it will explode. Why someone would ever put a jawbreaker into the microwave is a yet-to-be answered question, but here’s my theory: why not. Those jawbreakers are a pain in the ass (or more aptly, mouth) to get through and perhaps someone tried to accelerate the process.

Spider Yum

When Bubble Yum gum hit the market and became quite popular, stories began to circulate that the gum contained such grossities as spider eggs, spider legs, or spider webbing. These were all probably started by a rival gum company in hopes of curtailing the popularity of the world’s first soft gum. Bubble Yum’s parent company fought these rumours publicly with full-page newspaper ads ensuring people of the quality of their product. Most people actually listened and Bubble Yum lived on.

Razor’s Edge

Remember when we were all wee little sippers and when we returned home our parents sifted through our well-earned Halloween stash (probably contemplating which treats they’d take for themselves) to make sure there was no evidence of tampering? Good thing they did. In 2000, James Joseph Smith stuck needles into Snickers bars he planned to hand out and one boy bit into the chocolate bar. Smith was arrested and charged with adulterating a substance with the intent to cause harm… asshole!

Pick Your Poison

Similarly, the threat of poisoned candy given out at Halloween has always existed, but the only evidence of this occurring happened when some sick bastards poisoned their own children, including one loser who laced his kid’s Pixy Stix with cyanide to collect a $20,000 life insurance policy. Most cases were just overeating by the public (no surprise there) and not waiting to hear the actual results of why someone became sick.

Drink #299: Bazooka Joe

Rim glass with Bubble Gum
0.5 oz Irish Crème
0.5 oz Banana Liqueur
0.5 oz Blue Curacao

Are there any candy urban legends you’d like to pass my way? I’m a skeptical one, but I’ll give it a chance!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I liked this shooter and always have. Truth be known, when I was taken out on my 19th birthday for my first legal drinks, this was the first shot that was ever ordered for me. I still marvel at how these three ingredients combine to fake the taste of bubble gum, but somehow it all comes together.

October 13 – Red Rum

Posted on October 13, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Screen Spooks

Normally this time of the year, Mrs. Sip and I are getting into the Halloween spirit by watching scary movies and TV show episodes that highlight the pinnacle of October. With Mrs. Sip away in Europe, experiencing real-life haunts such as Dracula’s Castle, I’ve been left on my own to spook myself. Here are some of my favourite horror viewings:

Dead Snow (2009)

This movie is spectacular, focusing on the uprising of a horde of Nazi zombies. It begins with your usual group of young people heading out into the wilderness for a wild weekend at a remote lodge. Along the way, they awaken the Nazi zombies and the gruesome killings begin. Will anyone survive? Dead Snow is a Norwegian movie, so you have to be okay with subtitles, but I totally recommend sitting through the fun.

April Fool’s Day (1986)

Mrs. Sip and other members of the Sip Alliance are fans of murder mystery parties. As for myself, I enjoy the eating and especially the drinking, but the whole dressing up and getting into character I find to be a struggle. This film takes the classic murder mystery weekend that turns real route. I haven’t yet seen the 2008 remake, preferring the cheesiness of the 80’s flick, although the remake was direct to DVD, so it’s probably got its fair share of fromage, too!

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

I’ve always thought that Freddy Krueger is one of the best horror movie baddies. He can be so vile and repulsive… yet charming, as he was made in later installments, dropping classic catchphrases and killing his victims in a more cartoonish style. The original Nightmare is a great film, perhaps best remembered lately for Johnny Depp’s role. The Freddy character has gone on to star in numerous movies, returning to the cold-blooded killer he was meant to be in recent adaptations.

The Shining (1980)

Watching Jack Torrance’s (Jack Nicholson) descent into madness is a great feat of acting. If I was stuck in that massive resort all by myself for the winter, I’d probably go a little nuts, as well. Nearly as good as the movie, is The Simpsons spoof of The Shining, which features Homer losing his composure when he discovers that there will be no TV and no beer during the duration of their stay looking after Mr. Burns mountain home.

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

I’m particularly fond of the remake of this film, which is largely set in a shopping mall and depicts a group of strangers having to band together to remain safe in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. Of course, some are able to do what’s best for the unit, while others are only capable of looking out for themselves. The resulting chaos is a thrilling ride as you hope that the good ones can make it out alive.

Saw (2004)

While I still haven’t completed my watching of the entire franchise, I give full marks to the first Saw movie, which has so many twists and turns and violent endings that you’ll be glued to your screen as you try to figure out, just as the victims do, why they’ve been chosen by Jigsaw to ‘play a game’. The film is not for the squeamish, as Jigsaw’s traps are quite horrifying and deadly, but the psychology behind Saw is what really makes the series work.

Drink #286: Red Rum

1.5 oz Spiced Rum (I used Sailor Jerry’s)
1.5 oz Irish Crème
Top with Cream Soda
Garnish with Chocolate Cookie Stick

Do you have any suggestions for a lonely and easily frightened Sip Advisor? Feel free to pass them along my way!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
It looks like Pepto Bismal… and that’s not necessarily a good thing. The drink doesn’t taste that bad, perhaps helped along a fair bit by the Sailor Jerry’s and even Cream Soda, but the Irish Creme causes some curdling, which takes a little while to get used to. This is one cocktail you’ll definitely want to ingest with caution.

October 8 – Mudslide

Posted on October 8, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Ready-Made

Personally, I’m not a fan of ready-made booze products. But it’s a topic I feel should be discussed and what better time to do it than while we enjoy a fresh serving of one of the more popular bottled options, the Mudslide. Here are some other pre-mixed selections available on the market:

Mudslide – Packaged by the folks at Kahlua (among other companies), this is one concoction that I’ve actually tried and I remember (stop laughing… I do have some brain cells left) enjoying. Of course, this was years before I got into mixology and I don’t think I’d try this type of product nowadays.

Caesar – There’s been quite the market the last few years for ready-made Caesars and while it’s nice to have such a complicated recipe simplified in bottle form, I think the Caesar truly shines when you put all those intricate ingredients together yourself.

Cola Mixes – This can be done with rum, whiskey, bourbon, etc. with companies such as Bacardi, Malibu, Bulleit, Jim Beam, and Jack Daniel’s flooding the market. Broski Sip and I did find ourselves enjoying Jack Daniel’s Hard Cola on one vacation, but that was many moons before I became the Sip Advisor you worship today… I’m a bit of a booze snob now. Most of these liquor companies also offer their spirit mixed with ginger ale for the anti-cola drinker.

Gin & Tonic – G&T’s are so easy to make, it amazes me that anyone would need it to be pre-mixed and bottled for them, but the world has become incredibly lazy. Gordon’s is one prominent company that has jumped aboard the ‘ready-to-drink’ train. Smirnoff also offers a vodka tonic mix.

Cosmopolitan – I guess you could still pour your Cosmo bottle into a martini glass, but I think all of the class and sophistication the drink is supposed to come with would be lost. The girls on Sex and the City would be so horrified!

Mojito – I strive to make a wicked Mojito and have received rave reviews. I just can’t fathom enjoying a pre-mixed version of the cocktail, so I’ll just move on.

Long Island Iced Tea – I am a fan of the pre-mixed Long Island Iced Tea spirit, combining vodka, gin, rum, and triple sec in one fell swoop, but I don’t think I’d like a pre-bottled version of the drink, eliminating the chance for me to play with different mixers.

Long Island Iced Tea in a box!?!? Oh, shizzle, where do I sign up!

Dark N’ Stormy – Made by the Bundaberg Rum company, I only wonder if they got clearance from the Gosling’s folks to bottle this drink, since Gosling’s claims a copyright on the Dark N’ Stormy recipe and will fight bartenders who use it sans Gosling’s Rum.

Daiquiri/Margarita – I’ve seen these offerings in a wide array of flavours, from lime to strawberry to mango and everything in between. I’m a huge fan of the legitimate versions of these drinks and am curious to try the pre-mixed style, but also a little cautious, as well.

Pina Colada – We finish with the Pina Colada, which troubles me a little because I think the drink is best received in frozen form. I guess you could add it to shaved ice, much like a snow cone, but given we are mired in the onset of winter, I can’t even think about summer drinks at the moment.

Drink #281: Mudslide

1 oz Tequila (I used Hornitos)
0.5 oz Kahlua
0.5 oz Chocolate Liqueur
0.5 oz Irish Crème
Top with Chocolate Milk
Garnish with Peanut Butter Cup

It seems that all of your popular cocktails have been released in pre-mix form. That’s capitalism for you, I suppose. If this is how you prefer to get your swerve on, I don’t hate you… I just don’t like you very much!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
There are a variety of Mudslide recipes in existence. The ingredients I used are an amalgamation of those offerings. The Tequila stood out a little stronger than I would have liked, but otherwise, the cocktail was passable.

September 3 – Unicorn

Posted on September 3, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Animal Crackers

Recently, a big deal in social media was made over Scotland’s national animal (to be revealed very shortly). That got me thinking about the rest of the world and which creatures have had the honour of proudly and respectfully representing a country. No nation will be off limits, as I am definitely going to skewer my home country. Here are some of the best selections:

Unicorn – Scotland

For some reason, a mythological animal for Scotland actually makes sense given they’re a mythological country! I’m just messin’ with ya Scots. Don’t forget, we here in Canada still have strong ties to the U.K. despite our distance from the motherland. The unicorn was actually a symbol of the Scottish royal family. The more you know *rainbow swipe*!

Beaver – Canada

Speaking of my part of the world, we chose an animal which just begs for other citizens to make double entendres about how much we love it! Bring on the jokes, we can take them! The beaver is a very industrious animal, building their dams for shelter. They are also good recyclers, using trees that nobody needs anymore. Stupid oxygen-enabling trees!

Lion – Belgium/Bulgaria/Luxembourg/Netherlands/U.K.

Are there even lions in most of these countries (that aren’t caged in a zoo)? Did they just choose a bad ass animal to look cool among the international community, not realizing how many other countries also claimed the feline? A place like Ethiopia or Kenya having the lion as their national animal makes sense…since, you know, lions actually live there.

King Cobra – India

This is an intimidating choice, warning us all that the Indian population can be subdued with hypnotic music, but at the same time are deadly predators that can strike in an instant and cause accelerated death. If that’s really the case though, why does it take me so long to get a live person when I call for customer service?

See, cobras can be cute and cuddly!

Gallic Rooster – France

It kind of makes sense that France would relate themselves to a bunch of cocks, am I right!? I’m sure most French people are actually quite nice, but Parisians take the cake on being dicks. We once had a cab driver who refused to acknowledge our request to go to the Eiffel Tower until we flipped it and said “Tour Eiffel”… Va te faire foutre!!

Persian Cat – Iran

While most would view the Iranians with some fear and hostility, how can you do that when they picked a freakin’ fluffy cat as one of their national animals! Ma and Pa Sip have a Persian-ish cat at home and she’s a darling…unless you try to move her off the bed. Not very friendly to her fellow felines either now that I come to think about…

Dolphin – Greece

Of course the Greeks would pick the most sexual of creatures when selecting their national animal. They did, after all, invent a great deal of the carnal moves and positions in existence, rivaling the Indians and their Karma Sutra. Apparently, dolphins also play a role in Greek mythology, as helpers of mankind. Aquaman must be jealous!

Dodo – Mauritius

Good job Mauritius (wherever the hell you are) for picking an animal that has long been extinct. Perhaps your fate will be much the same. Seems like you’re asking for a rough future with your choice in animal worship.

Bull – Spain

Nothing like killing your national animal for the entertainment of screaming, blood-thirsty fans! What’s that, you also show it respect by tying up its testicles before you taunt, tease, assault, and slaughter the beast? Hmmm, you Spanish have a funny way of showing affection. At least the bull sometimes gets revenge with a thunderous gore!

Bulldog – U.K.

Scotland’s pick of the unicorn doesn’t look so bad anymore. At least it’s a majestic creature. Meanwhile, England picked one of the foulest mutts in the dog world. With a face only an owner could love and enough drool to flood an apartment, the bulldog seems an unlikely choice for people who a nation of prim and proper tea drinkers.

Drink #246: Unicorn

1 oz Irish Crème
0.5 oz Brandy
0.5 oz Kahlua
0.5 oz Vodka
Splash of Cointreau
Dash of Melon Liqueur
Top with Milk
Garnish with a Pink Marshmallow

What do you think of some of these national animals? Is there a country you wish I had targeted with my adept lampooning? I can take the heat, just as much as I can give it out! By the way, here’s a quiz on the subject of national animals (I hope you were taking notes)… enjoy!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I really enjoyed the Melon Liqueur finish. It went really well with the rest of the recipe, highlighted by the Irish Crème. Garnishing the cocktail with a Pink Marshmallow seemed like the perfect addition for a Unicorn-themed drink.

August 14 – Death by Chocolate

Posted on August 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Culinary Scene Investigation

I think most people out there are lovers of food and a lot of pleasure can be gained through culinary delights. That said, that which sustains us can also kill (and I’m not even talking about the world of foodborne illness outbreaks, such as E. coli, salmonella or food poisoning). Here are some of the more interesting deaths by eats:

Chocolate Chaos

This has has to be one of the better ways to go, but it’s tragic nonetheless. Vincent Smith, Jr., an employee at the Lyons and Sons Chocolate Factory in Pennsylvania fell into a vat of boiling chocolate and then met his end courtesy of one of the mixing propellers. Augustus Gloop would be so proud! Perhaps most ironic is that this incident led to the discovery that the chocolate company did not have proper licensing in place and was distributing its products illegally.

Fugu Follies

I like to consider myself immune to poison (don’t we all), but this guy took it a little too far, challenging the limitations of the human body. Acclaimed Kabuki (that’s Kabuki, not bukkake) actor Bandō Mitsugorō VIII perished in 1975 after demanding four fugu liver orders. He insisted that he was impervious to the pufferfish’s poison, but turns out, not so much. He died after seven hours of paralysis and convulsions. Fugu was featured in The Simpsons episode One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish.

Molasses Mania

The saying “slow as molasses” took a different turn during Boston’s 1919 Molasses Disaster (I’m surprised it hasn’t been made into a summer blockbuster movie yet). The usually slow-moving syrup killed 21 and injured 150 when a tank holding 2 million gallons of the substance exploded. The great ball of molasses death was estimated to have been travelling upwards of 35 miles per hour.

Hot Dogs for Haiti

Poor Noah Akers… the 12-year-old died after choking on a wiener during a hot dog eating competition that was supposed to benefit victims of the 2010 Haiti earthquake. This is precisely why I advise people not to do any charitable work. What’s even more bizarre is that the organizers, The Boys and Girls Club, chose to hold an eating competition to raise money for people that desperately needed food supplies.

Banquet Blunder

King Adolf Frederick of Sweden ate himself to death, following a feast that included caviar, smoked herring, lobster, kippers, sauerkraut, champagne, and 14 servings of dessert (and here I feel like a glutton after two small cookies!). I guess if you’re going to leave this world, you might as well have one hell of a last meal. His has a lasting legacy, which can’t be said for other monarchs.

Carrot Juice Conundrum

Basil Brown, one of those crazy health nuts, died in 1974, at the age of 48, after ingesting 10 gallons of carrot juice over a 10-day span. That doesn’t sound too bad (actually it sounds horrible) until you realize that’s 10,000 times the recommended daily dose of vitamin A. I’m not sure what point ol’ Basil was trying to make by downing so much carrot juice. Perhaps he was trying to find a decent carrot juice cocktail, with no luck.

Cola Killer

Natasha Harris, a 30-year-old mother of eight died of a heart attack in New Zealand in 2010. After dying at such a young age, an inquiry took place and it was discovered that Harris drank upwards of two gallons of soda each day (hopefully some was used for rum and cokes!), ingesting two pounds of sugar and 970 milligrams of caffeine. Without pop, Harris suffered withdrawal-like symptoms. She also ate poorly and smoked heavily, all of which contributed to her early demise.

Buggy Blues

Edward Archbold entered a bug eating contest in West Palm Beach, Florida, hoping to win the free python grand prize. Archbold won the competition after consuming a quantity of meal worms, horn worms, and roaches, before he began vomiting and collapsed. The 32-year-old died of “asphyxia due to choking and aspiration of gastric contents”. All the man wanted was a python… wait, why would anyone want a python!?

Water Boarding

In yet another contest gone wrong, Jennifer Strange died of water intoxication after drinking a hefty amount of the liquid, trying to win a Nintendo Wii video game console. The competition, held by a Sacramento, California radio station had volunteers drink the H20 and then try to not pee (Hold Your Wee for a Wii) for the longest amount of time. Strange’s family sued for wrongful death and were rewarded over $16 million in damages. Oddly, Strange was found to have not contributed to her own death, but then who drank all that water trying to win a Wii?

Drink #226: Death by Chocolate

1 oz Irish Crème
0.5 oz Crème de Cacao
0.5 oz Vodka (I used Absolut Raspberri)
1 Scoop of Chocolate Ice Cream (I used Wunderbar)
Blend with Ice
Garnish with Chocolate Syrup, Peanut Butter Cup Chunks, and Graham Cracker Crumbs

I personally would prefer to die in a potato chip-related asphyxiation incident. At least that way, I’d be going out with some style and while enjoying one of my favourite treats. How would you preferably spend your end of days?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I took the Death by Chocolate recipe and adapted it to suit the ingredients I had and wanted to use. I wanted to call it orgasm by chocolate, an homage to chocolate-obsessed women everywhere, but we went with this moniker instead.

August 10 – Zipper

Posted on August 10, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Shopping Spree

While it may be a favourite summer activity for a number of folks out there (even little sippers), it must be shared that the big cheese himself, the Sip Advisor, loathes shopping.

I feel that shopping is akin to a deadly disease. It has infected numerous victims, male and female alike and it’s coming for me next.

I’m one of those types that only goes shopping when I need something and in those cases, I zip through the store like speedy gonzales on crack (could you imagine?), my mission to get in and out of the store as quickly as possible, avoiding infection in every department. I don’t want to explore every single aisle, or “just browse”.

On occasion, Mrs. Sip and I will venture down to the United States for a shopping excursion, but I’m mostly there for potential liquor and mixer finds, food court enjoyment, and grocery shopping. Being forced to join Mrs. Sip in any of the clothing stores she wants to peruse sends me into child-like temper tantrums. Even when she’s shopping for lingerie at Victoria’s Secret, I work diligently to accelerate the process. “Of course those will look good on you, hon.” Psssh, as if I want to be responsible for her being clothed at all.

In the average year, I’m forced to go on one spring shopping trip (at the vile hands of Mrs. Sip). It’s not like I’m cognizant of this plan, but we do so much travelling that inevitably I find myself in a mall and, without even realizing what’s transpiring, I’m trying on multiple clothing items. With my head still spinning, I’m walking out of the store with new jeans, shirts, and in rare cases, animal print underwear.

I try at all costs to avoid adding to my wardrobe, frivolously keeping items that have well run their course of usefulness. Boxers and socks with holes, jeans with small tears, jackets with non-functional zippers, shoes that should not be worn on rainy days, etc. I try to hide these items from Mrs. Sip through deception and sleight of hand, but the illusion is often eventually exposed… I’m just not that good of a magician.

Of course, everything I’ve written here today goes out the window when I’m liquor shopping. In that case, I want to see everything – sometimes multiple times. I want to examine products, price compare, try things on, make sure I get the right size, and don’t mind blowing up my credit card over a splurge.

If people like other forms of shopping, that’s cool. I’m not here to discriminate. Just don’t drag me along with you. We can achieve harmony, folks… one purchase at a time!

Drink #222: Zipper

0.5 oz Tequila
0.5 oz Grand Marnier
0.5 oz Irish Crème
Garnish with Orange Wedge

So, am I right or wrong in my assessment of the shopping phenomena? Mrs. Sip and I have a little wager going on with regards to this, so please take the time to vote in favour of your buddy, your pal, the Sip Advisor!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I liked the taste of this shooter, especially the Grand Marnier orange liqueur. The mix all went down easy and there was no overwhelming or harsh flavour that I worried about coming from the Tequila.

Sip Advisor

The Good, The Bad & The Bubbly

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