November 3 – Dragon’s Breath

Mythological Mayhem

I’m not really one for mythological beings, but if forced to pick a few favourites (as I’m being charged to do so here) these are the creatures I would pick:

Dragon

I like some movies based around dragons. How to Train Your Dragon was really good and Pete’s Dragon was a childhood treat. In each of those films, the dragons (Toothless and Elliot, respectively) were of a friendlier, loveable personality. I’m also a fan of the Eddie Murphy-voiced Mushu, but not particularly in the movie Mulan, but for the little dragon’s appearance as co-host of the Disney Animation Building’s ‘How to Draw’ attraction.

dragons-playing

Pegasus

The winged horse that I best remember from Disney’s Hercules cartoon, where it helped our hero Herc battle the forces of James Woods (otherwise known as Hades and evil incarnate). Wrestler Chris Benoit was also known as the Pegasus Kid and Wild Pegasus early in his career, as he toured Japan, Mexico, and Europe. Back to the stallion, one myth states that Pegasus was born from the spurting blood of a decapitated Medusa. Those Greeks sure no how to spin a yarn!

Centaur/Minotaur

Sometimes I wish I was half-man and half-beast… well, even more so than when I’m on a raging bender! What’s the difference between a centaur and a minotaur? A centaur has the body of a beast and head of a man, while a minotaur is of the opposite persuasion. While some may think that it’s hard to pick from one of these designations, I’d choose centaur in a heartbeat. That way I could look as gorgeous as I do now and be able to be a high profile athlete thanks to my tremendous lower body strength.

Unicorn

The national animal of Scotland (which still cracks me up to this day), was purported to have magic qualities. It was thought that the unicorn’s horn could be ground up and used in potions to help cure the ill. During medieval and Renaissance times, the horn of the narwhal was often sold to those looking to harness the unicorn’s powers. Nowadays, the horns of rhinoceroses are sold to those looking to increase their sexual virility. To sum up: horn = good.

unicorns-are-real

Griffin

This creature mixes the head and wings of an eagle with the body of a lion. Geez, can you imagine if lions could fly. Good luck keeping them pent up in a zoo, even if they do sleep away most of the day. I like big cats like lions and such because I think they possess a surliness of sorts. Anyway, getting back on track, the griffin combines an animal I love with an animal I detest, so what does one do in cases like that? I guess you just focus on the positives… go Hufflepuff!

Gremlin

While I prefer gremlins when their still in their Mogwai state and they haven’t been fed after midnight, like the uber cute Gizmo, they do serve an entertaining and often hilarious role even when they’ve crossed over to the dark side. Gremlins are often portrayed negatively, which has upset supporters of their society. They’re usually seen tampering with in-flight airplanes and disrupting other machinery. They should not be trusted, should you ever come across one.

Kraken

I like Kraken Black Spice Rum and shouting “Release the Kraken!” when we’re swimming in Ma and Pa Sip’s pool is a favourite pastime of mine, so the Kraken is a must for the list. The Kraken is usually depicted as an enormous sea monster, similar to a giant squid or octopus. It is capable of bringing down an entire ship and has been blamed for numerous tragedies at sea. These false accusations have caused the Kraken to remain hidden, deep beneath the surface and we may never know of its actual existence.

release-the-kraken

Gargoyle

The Disney cartoon, Gargoyles, is one of those extremely underrated shows that had enjoyable elements for kids and adults alike. Along with the humour of gargoyles adapting to a 20th century New York City (after being awakened from thousands of years trapped in stone) many storylines were dark, complex, and featured adult themes such as betrayal and hatred. Being a self-effacing person, I’ve adopted Moe Szyslak’s line about being a gargoyle, although I’m told I have model cheekbones!

Phoenix

While the first thing I think about when I hear the word Phoenix (aside from the Arizona town, of course) is Jean Grey’s evil character in X-Men (making her so much more interesting that plain old, boring Jean Grey), the Pheonix is another mythological bird that must be vanquished from the world. The only problem is, the Phoenix will continually rise from the ashes of its predecessor and haunt me with loud noises, poop bombs, and dive-bomb attacks.

Werewolf

There’s a great episode (aren’t they all!) of American Dad where Steve thinks he’s been turned into a werewolf, while at the same time, Roger has taken in a wolf to overcome his distress after the death of his two sea monkeys. Don’t just take it from me, go watch the episode. I’ve never really been a huge fan of werewolves and the whole Twilight franchise did nothing to help with that matter. Team “Who Gives a Fuck” was a more accurate take on the series.

Drink #307: Dragon’s Breath

Dragon's Breath Drink Recipe

  • Rim glass with Caesar Spice
  • 1.5 oz Dragonberry Rum
  • Top with Cranberry Juice
  • Splash of Lime Juice
  • Dash of Hot Sauce
  • Garnish with a Lime Wheel

What are your favourite mythological animals? And please don’t send me any replies citing Pokemon or anything else having to do with Japanese culture like Godzilla and Mothra. Seriously, those people come up with the craziest stuff!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I added just the right amount of Hot Sauce to this cocktail. It wasn’t so much that the drink was hard to enjoy and it wasn’t too little that you didn’t get a slight burn at the finish of each sip. I added a Caesar Spice Rim to give each sip that extra kick of heat!

 

September 3 – Unicorn

Animal Crackers

Recently, a big deal in social media was made over Scotland’s national animal (to be revealed very shortly). That got me thinking about the rest of the world and which creatures have had the honour of proudly and respectfully representing a country. No nation will be off limits, as I am definitely going to skewer my home country. Here are some of the best selections:

Unicorn – Scotland

For some reason, a mythological animal for Scotland actually makes sense given they’re a mythological country! I’m just messin’ with ya Scots. Don’t forget, we here in Canada still have strong ties to the U.K. despite our distance from the motherland. The unicorn was actually a symbol of the Scottish royal family. The more you know *rainbow swipe*!

unicorn

Beaver – Canada

Speaking of my part of the world, we chose an animal which just begs for other citizens to make double entendres about how much we love it! Bring on the jokes, we can take them! The beaver is a very industrious animal, building their dams for shelter. They are also good recyclers, using trees that nobody needs anymore. Stupid oxygen-enabling trees!

Lion – Belgium/Bulgaria/Luxembourg/Netherlands/U.K.

Are there even lions in most of these countries (that aren’t caged in a zoo)? Did they just choose a bad ass animal to look cool among the international community, not realizing how many other countries also claimed the feline? A place like Ethiopia or Kenya having the lion as their national animal makes sense…since, you know, lions actually live there.

King Cobra – India

This is an intimidating choice, warning us all that the Indian population can be subdued with hypnotic music, but at the same time are deadly predators that can strike in an instant and cause accelerated death. If that’s really the case though, why does it take me so long to get a live person when I call for customer service?

Cobra and girl

See, cobras can be cute and cuddly!

Gallic Rooster – France

It kind of makes sense that France would relate themselves to a bunch of cocks, am I right!? I’m sure most French people are actually quite nice, but Parisians take the cake on being dicks. We once had a cab driver who refused to acknowledge our request to go to the Eiffel Tower until we flipped it and said “Tour Eiffel”… Va te faire foutre!!

Persian Cat – Iran

While most would view the Iranians with some fear and hostility, how can you do that when they picked a freakin’ fluffy cat as one of their national animals! Ma and Pa Sip have a Persian-ish cat at home and she’s a darling…unless you try to move her off the bed. Not very friendly to her fellow felines either now that I come to think about…

Dolphin – Greece

Of course the Greeks would pick the most sexual of creatures when selecting their national animal. They did, after all, invent a great deal of the carnal moves and positions in existence, rivaling the Indians and their Karma Sutra. Apparently, dolphins also play a role in Greek mythology, as helpers of mankind. Aquaman must be jealous!

funny-dolphin

Dodo – Mauritius

Good job Mauritius (wherever the hell you are) for picking an animal that has long been extinct. Perhaps your fate will be much the same. Seems like you’re asking for a rough future with your choice in animal worship.

Bull – Spain

Nothing like killing your national animal for the entertainment of screaming, blood-thirsty fans! What’s that, you also show it respect by tying up its testicles before you taunt, tease, assault, and slaughter the beast? Hmmm, you Spanish have a funny way of showing affection. At least the bull sometimes gets revenge with a thunderous gore!

Bulldog – U.K.

Scotland’s pick of the unicorn doesn’t look so bad anymore. At least it’s a majestic creature. Meanwhile, England picked one of the foulest mutts in the dog world. With a face only an owner could love and enough drool to flood an apartment, the bulldog seems an unlikely choice for people who a nation of prim and proper tea drinkers.

Drink #246: Unicorn

Unicorn Drink

  • 1 oz Irish Crème
  • 0.5 oz Brandy
  • 0.5 oz Kahlua
  • 0.5 oz Vodka
  • Splash of Cointreau
  • Dash of Melon Liqueur
  • Top with Milk
  • Garnish with a Pink Marshmallow

What do you think of some of these national animals? Is there a country you wish I had targeted with my adept lampooning? I can take the heat, just as much as I can give it out! By the way, here’s a quiz on the subject of national animals (I hope you were taking notes)… enjoy!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I really enjoyed the Melon Liqueur finish. It went really well with the rest of the recipe, highlighted by the Irish Crème. Garnishing the cocktail with a Pink Marshmallow seemed like the perfect addition for a Unicorn-themed drink.