Baby Beverages #1: Best Birthday Ever

With the birth of Baby Sip comes a new feature to this website. In these articles, I will discuss all things going on with our little one, while also featuring a shooter recipe (aka baby beverage) for good measure. For this inaugural post, here’s our delivery story:

Mrs. Sip woke me up on the morning of my birthday, but it wasn’t to give me a little birthday treat before I went off to work. No, it was to inform me that she was going through what she thought might be early labour. I asked if she wanted me to stay home, but knowing the whole process could still take some time and I had an important meeting to attend, we decided I should still head to the office.

12 Hours of Labor

I distracted myself with work as much as I could, checking in at home periodically. Right before my meeting, Mrs. Sip wished me good luck and asked me to check-in again afterwards. 15 minutes later and midway through the meeting, however, I got another text asking me to come home immediately.

When I arrived at our apartment, Mrs. Sip was in serious discomfort and I did my best to relieve her pain. Soon, we were off to the hospital, with the promise of a shot of morphine/Gravol, a combo meant to ease her aching and help her relax a little. Sadly, we were sent home after this, as we couldn’t be admitted yet.

We returned to the hospital a few hours later for another check-up and possible medication shot, but by this point, Mrs. Sip was far enough along that we were admitted to the hospital and the real fun was about to begin. Seeing the agony Mrs. Sip was going through was tough because there was nothing I could really do to help. I told her point blank at one point, that this would be our only child, as I couldn’t put her through this experience again. I even joked that since we were already at the hospital, I would find their vasectomy ward and kill two birds with one stone.

Lobotomy or Vasectomy

As the hours passed, the pain got worse, no matter what method our midwife tried to soothe Mrs. Sip. And then, a miracle occurred in the form of the epidural. Once administered, there was a night and day difference in Mrs. Sip. She was now passionately talking with our nurse about her many travels and work. As she recharged her batteries for the home stretch, I took a break to call Ma and Pa Sip to update them. When I returned to the room, I learned it was time to begin pushing.

At 1:33am, after over an hour of pushing, Baby Sip officially came into our lives. Despite the exhaustion of the day, we were overjoyed with all seven pounds, seven ounces of her arrival. Mrs. Sip, always a drop dead beauty, was the picture of poise during this all. People are still in disbelief that she gave birth when they see photos of her shortly after the ordeal.

The next few days were a whirlwind of visitors, feedings, diaper changes, cuddles, and sleep deprivation… but I wouldn’t change a thing from the experience!

Baby Beverages #1: Baby Boo

Baby Boo

  • 0.5 oz Irish Crème
  • 0.5 oz Coconut Rum
  • Splash of Milk

Next week, we’ll look at the the Sip Advisor’s first impressions of fatherhood, including dealing with unsolicited advice. Thanks for reading!

Mixer Mania #18 – Using and Abusing

For some time, commercials have aired hyping chocolate milk as the perfect post-workout beverage. Yes, better than protein shakes, regular milk, water, or sports drinks. Regardless of how legit this claim may be, it got the Sip Advisor thinking about fictional substances used by characters to enhance their physique:

Weight Gain 4000 – South Park

In Eric Cartman’s obsession to be a “beefcake” for his televised award ceremony, after winning his school’s Save Our Fragile Planet essay contest, he begins taking doses of Weight Gain 4000. Well, at least the product came as advertised. By the end of the episode, Cartman has swelled to a massive size and is barely moveable. In his mind, though, the added pounds are simply muscle mass. Cartman does get the fame he wanted, though, as his obesity lands him on talk show Geraldo.

Cartman Weight Gain 4000

Thump – Aqua Teen Hunger Force

After being hospitalized for high blood pressure, Master Shake decides to get into shape. His method of doing this is to drink copious amounts of an illegal fitness beverage called Thump. The product’s flavour options – Mango Bitch Slap, Coconut What Did You Say To Me, and Blueberry Butt Rape – would have most people reconsider, but this is Master Shake we’re talking about. Of course, the muscles gained come to life and start a murderous rampage… just another day in South Jersey!

Powersauce – The Simpsons

Looking to shed his trademark spare tire, Homer Simpson turns to the Rainier Wolfcastle endorsed Powersauce bars to help with his efforts in the gym. Homer’s dedication to only eating foods in bar form led to him becoming the next spokesperson for Powersauce bars and their representative to scale the ominous Murderhorn Mountain. Homer ends up being successful in reaching the Murderhorn peak, but it is also learned that Powersauce bars are merely made from apple cores and Chinese newspapers.

Homer Powersauce Bars

Spinach – Popeye

Popeye has been using this “performance-enhancing substance” throughout his career, with Olive Oyl his enabler. Popeye simply grabs a can of spinach, pops it open and consumes the vegetable, leading to bulging muscles that get him through a number of dire situations. In the real world, spinach sales increased as a result of the character’s association with it. Ironically, spinach was chosen as Popeye’s supplement of choice, due to its iron content, which was later determined to be a miscalculation.

Venom – Batman

The supervillain Bane gains his massive physique by abusing this super steroid. The addictive formula must be constantly administered, directly to Bane’s brain, or else the user will suffer extreme withdrawal. The drug makes Bane so strong, that he is able to break Batman’s back and send him into temporary retirement. Of course, anytime his stream of Venom is disrupted, Bane becomes weak and easily defeated. After all, every antagonist has to have their Achilles’ heel.

Mixer Mania #18: Dirty Bastard

Dirty Bastard.JPG

  • 1 oz Tequila
  • 0.5 oz Irish Crème
  • 0.5 oz Kahlua
  • 0.5 oz Amaretto
  • Top with Chocolate Milk
  • Garnish with Maraschino Cherries

I don’t think I would take any of these enhancers. No, I’ll stick to the chocolate milk – preferably booze-fueled – thank you very much!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
The highlight of this martini might have been finally opening the bottle of Bailey’s Cherry Chocolate Irish Crème I’ve been holding onto for far too long. Despite all the booze that’s part of this recipe, the cocktail is fairly light and the flavours are quite cohesive.

March 7 – Grey Mouse

Rodent Rascals

Despite the fear these animals cause for many people, the following entries are loveable rats, mice, chipmunks, etc. It might help that they’re all animated (or at least began their existences that way) as that’s just how you can get the most cuteness out of what could otherwise be considered vermin. Here are the Top 5 rodents:

#5: Remy – Ratatouille

This rat may be one of the few Parisians I actually like! The fact that Remy is voiced by Patton Oswalt is simply a bonus. Interestingly, Oswalt was cast in the movie based off of his food-based stand-up routine. Want some more Ratatouille trivia? Did you know that a wine branded with the name of the film was supposed to be released in a joint venture between Disney, Pixar and Costco, but was pulled because the label featured the animated Remy, something the California Wine Institute was not pleased with, arguing that it encouraged underage drinking.

Remy Ratatouille

Remy certainly has some swagger!

#4: Rescue Rangers

Chip, Dale, Monterrey Jack, and the voluptuous Gadget (the only member of the team forced to wear pants!) may be the world’s smallest crime fighters, but they are thorns in the side of villains like Professor Norton Nimnul, Fat Cat, and Rat Capone. Sadly, little Zipper can’t be included in this entry because he’s not a rodent… sorry, buddy. Back to the team, we will get to see them again in the coming years, as Disney has announced plans for a live-action/CGI animation movie. As long as they keep the wicked opening theme song in some capacity, fans everywhere will rejoice!

#3: Pinky & The Brain – Animaniacs

These two made trying to take over the world fashionable… sure, their zany plans regularly go awry, but that doesn’t mean a strategy won’t ever work and we’ll all become the slaves of genetically-enhanced lab mice! The duo proved so popular that they were given their own series, sadly invaded by Elmyra from Tiny Toon Adventures. There’s a great theory out there that Pinky is actually the intelligent mouse, while The Brain is the insane one out of the two. That would explain why he’s hell bent on escaping his cage and ruling the earth.

Pinky and the Brain

#2: Splinter – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The wise sensei and father figure of the teen turtles may be a rodent of advanced age, but he can still fight when pushed to do so, often defending his shelled family. The one thing that pisses me off about Splinter is how his origin story changes from time to time. In some projects, he was a human turned into a rat, while other times, he was always a rat, who transformed thanks to the mutagen. He’s at his most awesome in the original Turtles movie, when he battles and defeats The Shredder, sending him crashing from a high-rise rooftop into the back of a garbage truck.

#1: Mickey Mouse

While I’ve never been a huge fan of Mickey, some of my favourite things in this world wouldn’t exist without him. Think about it: I met Mrs. Sip in Disneyland, which was only possible thanks to the success of early Mickey cartoons, leading to more animated gems from Walt Disney and company. With those facts, you just have to respect Mickey and everything he’s done in the name of entertainment. As Walt himself famously said, “I only hope that we don’t lose sight of one thing – that it was all started by a mouse.”

Super Saturday Shot Day: Grey Mouse

Grey Mouse Shot

  • 1 oz Irish Crème
  • 0.5 oz Black Sambuca
  • Garnish with a Gummy Mouse

Honourable mentions go to Bernard and Bianca (The Rescuers); Jerry Mouse (Tom & Jerry); and the trio of Alvin, Simon and Theodore Seville (Alvin & The Chipmunks). I really wish I could have included The Chipmunks, who got the Sip Advisor through some tough times with their upbeat music!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
The shot was one thing (it was what you’d expect from mixing Irish Creme and Sambuca), but I think my choice to garnish the shooter with a Gummy Mouse was spectacular. Thankfully, Ma Sip had a few on hand, which I was more than happy to use in the production.

April 25 – Gravity Wave

Sit Down, Shut Up

Last week, we looked at the Sip Advisor’s pet peeves on the field of play, committed by athletes. This week, we examine the fouls perpetrated by the fans on the sidelines… your fellow enthusiasts. Heck, one may be sitting next to you as you read this. Let’s get on with the list:

#5: TV Appearance

You know the people that work too hard to get on TV, usually yapping into their cell phone to make sure they’re getting the exposure they want… yeah, these people should be immediately ejected from the stadium and banned for an indeterminate amount of time. For one, they’re not paying attention to the action on the field of play and are more concerned with a brief game cameo. Second, they’re usually obscuring the view of other fans in that seating area. Is that really worth the price of admission?  People holding large signs can be lumped in with this group.

Fans with Signs

#4: Beer Run

I love a beer with my sports (albeit I’m not fond of the price, but whateves), but I certainly refuse to spend more time in concession line-ups than I do watching the contest. Even worse are those people who are constantly getting up and down throughout the game and blocking your view of the action. There must be some sort of cosmic law out there in the universe that says those who will be up and down throughout a game will be seated in the center of an aisle, while those who will be mostly seated will have spots on the aisle, repeatedly disturbed.

#3: Bandwagon Jumpers

If you’re not going to bother following the squad when they need the support the most, then you’re not a true fan. Sure, anyone can get behind a franchise that is loaded with stars and expanding its trophy case, but the true die-hards will be there through thick and thin. You only hope that when someone jumps off the bandwagon, they hurt themselves so seriously that they never get back on. Sadly, the world of fandom doesn’t work this way and the long-time fan suffers most, as ticket prices rise, which can be covered by those who only offer part-time backing.

bandwagon fan

#2: Yelling “Get in the Hole” for Every Shot

The obnoxious fan who started this trend should be drawn and quartered, all the while being pelted by golf balls. All you ever see today is fans shouting “get in the hole” for every single shot of a golf round. It’s particularly absurd on long par-5 tee shots, that have absolutely no chance of being sunk. I guess having some passion on the part of khaki-wearing, sweater vest-adorned golf fans is welcome, but not this way. Unfortunately, Tiger Woods followed this annoying phrase a little too closely and wound up losing his wife, kids, picture perfect image, sponsorship deals, credibility, and so much more.

#1: Leaving a Game Early

This is something I simply refuse to do. I paid good money for my seats and until the final buzzer, my ass will be stuck in said seat. Mrs. Sip and I recently attended a hockey game in Anaheim and were flabbergasted when the arena began emptying out before the shootout was even conducted. While I would NEVER leave a game early, I could at least understand if it was a blowout score, but taking off when things are all knotted up… that’s insanity! Incredulously, fans left the stadium before the Seattle Seahawks miraculous comeback over the Green Bay Packers, to punch their ticket to a second consecutive Super Bowl. Some missed out on the greatest rally the team will ever have.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Gravity Wave

Gravity Wave Shot

  • Rim glass with Caramel Sauce
  • 0.5 oz Irish Crème
  • 0.5 oz Jagermeister
  • 0.5 oz Root Beer Schnapps

I’m also greatly opposed to the wave, which is why I selected the shooter above. What’s worse is when some jackass has a few too many bevvies and tries throughout the entire game to get this crap going. What fan behaviour earns your ire? I’m curious to hear!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I gave this shot to Mrs. Sip (who is a pickier drinker than myself) prior to going out one night and she enjoyed it. I also liked it, but then again, I’m an easier to please audience. My greatest concern in constructing the shooter was how to garnish it. None of the ingredients have an obvious garnish partner, so I went with a Caramel Sauce rim, which pulled the whole thing together!

February 21 – China White

Lunar Love

With millions, around the world, recently celebrating Chinese New Year, I thought it would be a great time to look at all the wonderful things the culture has brought to our lives. While they also invented coffins, gunpowder, and puppet theatre (all of which did not make this list), the following items should bring national pride to those that call China home:

#5: Fortune Cookies

I don’t love fortune cookies for their taste, which is far too often stale, but rather their inspirational messages inside. If I receive one, in particular, that speaks to me, I will often keep it in my wallet, hoping the good vibes will actually reward me. Yes, there are much better desserts out there, but fortune cookies are like getting a McDonald’s Happy Meal, giving you both a treat and a little toy, in a well-balanced, all-encompassing meal.

Fortune Cookies

#4: Fireworks

Who doesn’t love fireworks? Seriously, if you’re not down with big blasts of colour lighting up the sky, you should seek some psychiatric help. Fireworks have highlighted some very momentous occasions in my life. For one, I first asked out Mrs. Sip on a date, while positioned in front of Sleeping Beauty Castle in Disneyland, as their nightly firework show provided our soundtrack. To this day, Mrs. Sip jokes that she had to give me at least a date, based on my romantic timing!

#3: Toilet Paper

Alright, this is a pretty damn important invention in the annals (yes, I had to use that word) of human history. As a bit of a germophobe, I can only imagine what hell my life would be if us civilized folks had to use other methods to clean up after a trip to the bathroom. The Chinese also developed the first paper for writing and although I’m a self-described scribe, my nod would go to toilet paper as the more important development of the two items.

Toilet Paper Commercial

#2: Chow Mein

I am a chow mein fiend. I also love stir fry, almond chicken, fried rice, honey garlic chicken, egg rolls, and most other typical items. While they may be the westernized version of Chinese food, it’s so delicious, so I really don’t care if I catch any flak for this entry. I’m greatly looking forward to a Chinese food feast, with Ma and Pa Sip tonight, to celebrate the Lunar New Year. As a little bonus, did you know the Chinese invented the restaurant menu? I wonder if early versions also had numbered items for simplicity!?

#1: Alcoholic Beverages

What goes better with food, than drink and seriously, where would the Sip Advisor be without the advent of booze. I’m sure someone, somewhere would have eventually stumbled upon elixirs that made you feel all warm and fuzzy, but the fact exists that China beat them all to the punch. Dating back to 7000 BC, scientists have discovered that the Chinese made fermented drinks, using fruit, rice, and honey. That doesn’t sound so palatable, but if it’ll get ya drunk, I’m game!

Super Saturday Shot Day: China White

China White Shot

  • 0.75 oz Crème de Cacao
  • 0.25 oz Irish Crème
  • Dash of Cinnamon
  • Garnish with Cinnamon Stick

Well, after all this loving, I have to give the Chinese a wag of the finger for inventing chopsticks… I mean, come on, who would ever choose these twigs over a fork and a knife. And yet, I’m shamed when I ask for the tools I’m most accustomed to in Asian eateries. Kung Hei Fat Choy, everyone!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
You can’t say anything bad about this shot. It’s totally delicious. You’re combining all good tasting ingredients and it’s quite obvious why this is a classic recipe. I thought the addition of the Cinnamon Stick as a garnish kind of looked like chopsticks. Had I been able to track down a Fortune Cookie, I would have used that, as well.

October 4 – Girl Scout Cookie

Free Falling

While I think we’d all agree that the fall season lacks some of the flair and fun of summer, it’s not so bad. Here are the Top 5 things to look forward to now that the leaves are coming down and the temperatures are dropping:

#5: Fall Beers

It’s around this time of year that we see a lot of pumpkin-spiced and Oktoberfest offerings released. This also signifies the sad end to another wonderful summer of wheat beers, which breaks my heart annually. I’m not the biggest fan of pumpkin flavoured anything, but I still appreciate this change in the beverage calendar and trying some new brews. Also, on the alcohol front, I have new fall-themed spirit to play with in Maple Liqueur. Should be fun!

beer disaster

#4: Closed Windows

Mrs. Sip and I live in Vancouver’s downtown core and it’s a noisy, busy place. If it’s not drunk people loudly passing by in the wee hours of a new day, we are consistently woken up every morning by the sounds of slamming dumpster lids, garbage trucks, street cleaners, and just about every other horrific sound you can imagine that isn’t your alarm. With cooler temperatures, the windows can be shut, locking out a fair portion of the racket.

#3: Cookies

Along with the traditional Girl Scout/Guide releases that come out this time of year, it is also more likely that home-baked treats will be focused on, as folks abandon the outdoors and spend more time bulking up for winter hibernation. After all, now that the sun is going to hide itself away on the other side of the world, we don’t have to worry so much about our bodies not being 100% beach ready.

girlscoutcookies

#2: Hockey Season

I hate summer sports, when all you get crammed down your throat are endless baseball games. The fall signifies the startup of all the other major leagues (NFL, NHL, and NBA) and some diversity to sports highlight packages. Being Canadian, the Sip Advisor particularly looks forward to the puck drop of another NHL season and a fresh start for your favourite team. On a more intimate level, it’s time to return to the rink for beer league hockey and work off that summer rust!

#1: Vacation Time

Given we don’t have kids, Mrs. Sip and I often save most of our travelling for outside the summer months, when off-season rates can be had and places aren’t so crazy busy. Sure, we do a lot of trips around the calendar, but in the summer, it’s mostly kept to weekend away. The fall usually brings bigger vacations, such as this year’s jaunt to California (aboard a Princess Cruise) to celebrate the Sip Advisor’s birthday in grand style. Disneyland, here we come!

Super Saturday Shot Day: Girl Scout Cookie

Girl Scout Cookie Shot

  • 0.5 oz Kahlua
  • 0.5 oz Creme de Menthe
  • 0.5 oz Irish Crème
  • Garnish with a Cookie (or two!)

I also enjoyed playing in the leaves as a youngster and when I have my own little sippers, I’m sure they will enjoy an afternoon of raking foliage, only to mess up the entire pile with a few perfectly-timed jumps and splashes!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
While I prefer the classic chocolate and vanilla icing Girl Scout/Guide cookies, this shooter is meant to emulate the gal’s peppermint thins. On a side note, it pisses me off that the Girl Scouts of America have so many more cookie options than the Girl Guides of Canada. Back to the shot, this recipe gave me a great chance to use our new Mason Jar glasses for the first time, which is perfect given jarring preservatives for the winter is another fall favourite for some. The shooter should be layered as ordered in the recipe and you can expect a little bleeding together.

Croatia – Belle of the Ball

Mad Scientist

While most have heard of Thomas Edison, the same can’t be said for his rival Nikola Tesla. Tesla was born in what is now Croatia in 1856 and the genius inventor created and theorized significantly over his life, but fell into obscurity after dying. Only in recent years, have his achievements gained more recognition with many coming to the conclusion that his alternate current (AC) electricity was in fact better and safer than Edison’s direct current (DC) electricity. So, let’s tune up some AC/DC and learn about the unsung hero:

Tesla once worked for Edison, designing and improving electrical equipment. As he relocated from France to the United States, he was aboard a ship that faced a mutiny and was nearly tossed overboard. Some of his money, luggage, and even his ticket aboard the vessel were stolen. When he arrived in New York City, he had four cents to his name. He must have hid those pennies real well!

Tesla Electrifying

The beginning of the two men’s rivalry may have occurred when Tesla began redesigning Edison’s motors and generators with the promise of a $50,000 reward. When improvements were made, Edison said he was merely joking, although he did offer a weekly pay raise to Tesla, who quit the job immediately.

The War of Currents between Edison and George Westinghouse (who employed Tesla as a consultant and used his alternate current patents and inventions) drove both men to the brink of bankruptcy. The AC current won the war, despite Edison’s smear campaign against Tesla and Westinghouse, using AC to electrocute animals in an attempt to show it as more dangerous and even inadvertently creating the electric chair method of capital punishment. Suck it, Edison!

Legends persist that Tesla and Edison were to be co-winners of the 1915 Nobel Prize in Physics, but one or both of them refused the honour thanks to their bitter hatred of each other. Some even say that Edison, who had grown wealthy thanks to his inventions, balked at the reward just to make sure Tesla didn’t receive any prize money.

Tesla's Bitch

Because of his Eastern European ethnicity and some of his concepts and inventions, Tesla gained a reputation as a mad scientist and a number of conspiracy theories center on the inventor, such as UFO and occult related notions. Some of Tesla’s papers are still classified by the U.S. government and when asked for through Freedom of Information requests, are heavily censored.

A hero of super villains everywhere, Tesla claimed to have invented a death ray, dubbed ‘Teleforce.’ Known as a “directed-energy weapon” or even a “peace ray,” Tesla insisted he had built and tested the device. When he grew suspicious of spies and other officials trying to steal the plans from him, he revealed that the entire blueprint was in his mind and had never been drawn out on paper.

Despite all the rumours, Tesla had over 700 patents to his name and can be credited with work in robotics, radar, wireless communication, lighting, and so much more. Tesla was also a showman and often invited the press to his birthday party, where he would unveil new creations and discuss his various theories. Among his greatest inventions was the Tesla Coil, which allowed the transmission of electrical energy without wires.

Tesla Coils

As it is with most brilliant people, Tesla had some quirks. He claimed to only need two hours sleep each night (although he napped, as well) and had some issues with obsessive compulsive disorder, including the cleaning of cutlery and a fascination with the number three, going so far as to wash his hands three times in a row and walk around a building thrice before entering.

Sounding like Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, Tesla denounced marriage and sex, stating “I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.” At least he didn’t use Sheldon’s term of coitus when he believed that getting down with his bad self would take away from his scientific achievements. Hey, the guy did create remote control, radio, and even lasers, so perhaps he was onto something.

One thing I can certainly fault Tesla for (I mean, aside from his anti-sex agenda) was his affection for pigeons. I’ve written numerous times about my disdain for the winged rats, but Tesla would go so far as to rescue injured pigeons and bring them home. He even fell in love with one, writing “I loved that pigeon as a man loves a woman, and she loved me. As long as I had her, there was a purpose to my life.” Now, that, my little sippers, is a prime example of eccentricity!

Tesla Kitten

Tesla passed away in 1943, with little to no fortune, unlike his contemporaries, Edison and Westinghouse. After dying, Tesla was cremated with his ashes being placed in a golden sphere urn, as the sphere was his favourite shape (despite reportedly hating round jewelry like pearls and even going so far as to not speak to women who wore them). The urn is on display at the Nikola Tesla museum in Belgrade, Serbia.

Posthumous honours for the scientist include the unit of measure for magnetic field strength being known as a “tesla” and an electric car company, Tesla Motors, being named in memory of the inventor. Best of all, he now has a Sip Advisor article dedicated to his work!

Croatia: Belle of the Ball

Belle of the Ball Cocktail

  • 0.75 oz Irish Crème
  • 0.5 oz Rakija
  • 0.25 oz Campari
  • 0.25 oz Jagermeister
  • Dash of Angostura Bitters
  • Garnish with Orange Slice

I’ve become interested in Tesla in recent years and it seems I’m not alone, as others become recognizant of the fact that his contributions to the world went largely uncelebrated compared to some of his partners and adversaries. This drink is made in his honour!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail is pretty good… until that damn Campari bitter aftertaste kicks in and dominates the whole experience. The Rakija is pretty strong too, but not in a necessarily bad way. The cocktail measurements don’t provide a big drink, so it’s not like you’re dedicating a lot of time to it. Give it a shot if you’re curious, but it might be one recipe to avoid.

March 22 – Fat Cat

Cat Scratch Fever

They don’t need our love, but we shower them with adoration anyway. I’ve always been a cat guy and find them to be a great pet for someone as lazy as myself. They’re pretty self-sufficient (don’t need to be walked or washed) and will be entirely happy with a dish full of food, warm laundry to nap on, and the odd catnip toy for a little buzz and exercise. Here are the top five greatest felines in history:

#5: Puss in Boots – Shrek

The little kitty is clever and cunning. He lures his foes in with his deep, dark, sad eyes and once they are mesmerized, out comes the sword and the fight is on. Puss is a furry version of Zorro and not coincidentally is voiced by Antonio Banderas, who played the iconic swordsman in recent times. Whether he’s teaming with Shrek, Donkey and the rest of the gang or enjoying his own adventure, Puss is sure to leave his mark (hopefully not literally) on history.

puss-in-boots

#4: Tom – Tom & Jerry

Poor, poor Tom. No matter how hard he tries, Jerry always manages to elude him and Tom usually winds up with a boo-boo. Therefore, I always liked it best when Tom and Jerry teamed up. After all, the two have been around since the 1940’s, which is a long time to be continually chasing one another. The duo’s long standing rivalry has had an influence on other media. Even Jackass star Johnny Knoxville credits the tandem for inspiring some of the stunts the troupe attempt.

#3: Bucky – Get Fuzzy

Bucky isn’t as well-known as some of the other felines on this list, but he’s above and beyond, one of the funniest. Bucky is a terror to his owner Rob and roommate Satchel (a Sharpie-Labrador cross). A lot of the humour in Get Fuzzy comes from the pets’ misunderstanding of human words and actions and Bucky is a master of the misinterpretation. He’s also constantly scheming for money, food or domination over the apartment, which often results in his being grounded in his closet.

Bucky Katt

#2: Garfield – Garfield & Friends, etc.

What’s great about Garfield is that he just doesn’t care. He only has room for a few loves in his world and that void is quickly filled by food (particularly lasagna), his blankie, and stuffed bear. Sure, he’s occasionally nice to John and Odie, but that’s only for holiday specials like Christmas and Halloween. For this cat, it’s all about the luxuries in life. Garfield is so lazy, he can’t even be bothered to form meaningful relationship with other cats.

#1: Sylvester – Looney Tunes

Sure, Sylvester’s not the smartest animal on the block, but he gets an ‘A’ for effort, every time out. If he ever caught that infernal Tweety Bird, the world would rejoice in a congregation more massive than the Olympic opening ceremony parade. Sylvester’s son and wife also appear in some animated shorts, with his son often declaring “Mother, get the bandages,” after his father gets roughed up by any number of adversaries.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Fat Cat

Fat Cat Shooter

  • 1 oz Irish Crème
  • 0.25 oz Amaretto
  • 0.25 oz Crème de Banane

I’m sure I’ve made some choices with this ranking that has upset some of you. Send your best cat claws my way and make me regret my decisions. If I don’t hear any criticism, I will assume that my picks are good as gold and all free thinking will henceforth be left up to the Sip Advisor… you’re welcome!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
Okay, this one is going to take some explaining. Sure it doesn’t look like your typical shooter, but this is how a cat would drink it. I wanted to present the shot in a saucer type dish to go along with the name and theme of the recipe. It’s a pretty good shot, but the Crème de Banane gets buried and you taste the Amaretto the most. Drink up, my little kitties!

March 15 – Shamrocked

Kiss Me, I’m Irish

Around this time of year, we all want to be a little bit Irish… at least for the kisses! Therefore, I’ve taken it upon myself to name the top five greatest Irish citizens, invoking the 1/8th Irish within me. This is a hard list to breakdown, so I decided to take one member from each of the following worlds: literary, music, sports, business, and acting. I could have probably done an entire article about the greatest Irish drinkers, but that seems an even more difficult topic to tackle. Let’s get started, shall we!?:

#5: Bram Stoker

For turning Vlad the Impaler into the blood-sucking, eternal living, ghoul that has come to be the inspiration for countless movies, TV shows, plays, comics, and so much more media, Bram Stoker may be Ireland’s most famed writer, among a sea of other talented scribes. Including fictionalized diary entries, letters, and newspaper clippings, Stoker added an aura of realism to the story of Dracula, as the bloodthirsty count battled Professor Abraham Van Helsing and others. Sadly, Stoker could also be blamed for such vampire awfulness as Twilight, The Vampire Diaries, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

Bram-Stoker

#4: Padraig Harrington

One of golf’s most successful players, Harrington has won two British Opens, as well as one PGA Championship. His 2008 season was exemplary, as the Dubliner won both of the aforementioned tournaments that season and was named European Tour and PGA Tour Player of the Year. Of the two golf majors he hasn’t won, his best performances were in the top five. Harrington is also heavily involved in charity work and is a global ambassador for the Special Olympics, hosting clinics for both players and coaches. Golfer John Daly may better exemplify the true Irish spirit with his personal trials, but we’ll take Harrington here.

#3: Bono

While I’d rather write about Enya and her moody, spiritual tracks, or Van Morrison and his classic rock, even I’d have to admit that Bono is a larger than life superstar. U2 (including fellow Irishman and buddy The Edge) are one of the most successful music acts of all-time. Their discography is full of hits, including Sunday Bloody Sunday, Vertigo, and With or Without You. The front man has received mixed reviews for his various causes with many critiquing him for being too preachy. If Bono doesn’t stop, I’ll reveal to the world that his real name is Paul Hewson… oops, too late! What’s so great about the name Bono anyway?

bono-looking

#2: Daniel Day-Lewis

This fine actor has wowed audiences with his portrayal of characters like Bill the Butcher (Gangs of New York), Daniel Plainview (There Will Be Blood), and even Abraham Lincoln (Lincoln). Day-Lewis is extremely devoted to his craft, researching his roles vigorously. For The Last of the Mohicans, he learned to live off the forest land, much like his character did. Later, for the period piece The Age of Innocence, he wore 1870’s aristocratic clothing (cane, cape, and top hat) out and about New York for two months. For Gangs of New York, he even apprenticed as a butcher. And here I refuse to even learn how to be a proper writer!

#1: Arthur Guinness

Ever notice that if you rearrange the letters in Guinness and tell a couple of them to screw off Irish style, you can spell genius!? Well, that’s what Arthur Guinness was. Sure, a Guinness stout is like a full meal and isn’t the easiest of beers to enjoy, but those who truly love a good pint will tell you until their blue in the face that Guinness should be held on its own pedestal. As far as Irish entrepreneurs go, I also have to toss some credit to Tony Ryan, the creator of Ryanair, which has helped Mrs. Sip and I cheaply traverse parts of Europe. Here’s a Guinness in honour of both gentlemen!

Super Saturday Shot Day: Shamrocked

Shamrocked Shooter

  • 0.5 Irish Whiskey
  • 0.5 Irish Crème
  • 0.5 oz Midori
  • Garnish with a Shamrock

For more Ireland coverage, check back later this week, as the Emerald Isle is out next stop for Around the World. It just so happens to coincide with St. Patrick’s Day, which I hope all my little sippers out there are able to celebrate safely and happily!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This shot was pretty decent with the ingredients mixing together pretty well and creating a creamy melon taste. Luckily, I had bought Mrs. Sip a Shamrock necklace when I was in Ireland all those years ago and it was the perfect accent to the shooter.

February 1 – Slippery Nipple

Not Necessary

For some reason, us humans are equipped with a number of features that are absolutely useless. I mean, who really uses their five senses? I myself am experimenting with a new type of hybrid sensory experience, which I like to call non-sense. And the hits just keep on coming! Here are the top five needless body parts:

#5: Wisdom Teeth

Mrs. Sip can vouch that I was no more wiser with my wisdom teeth than I am today. Why then, do we have these chompers that eventually require removal, followed by a lengthy recovery where we have to be careful with what we eat? There should never be situations where we can’t eat whatever we want, whenever we want. I had to give up chips for a couple weeks, although I was lucky in that my wisdom teeth were removed over two procedures (one for each side) and so I just pushed all food to the uninjured side.

wisdom-teeth

#4: Body Hair

In all seriousness, who needs body hair? Both women and men seem hell bent on plucking, waxing, and lasering any and all fur from their frame. As for the hair on the top of your head, I guess that can stick around. People seem to like having a mane that they can style and colour any way they want. Heck, that’s why we shun those who no longer have that option. Right, we’re still doing that shunning of baldies thing!?

#3: Male Nipple

Let’s be clear here: I’m only talking about the MALE nipple. It serves no purpose and it’s not as if it features prominently into male nudity, like it does with the fairer sex. Remember every inch of a female breast can be revealed and it’s only nudity if that nipple slips out to say hello… despite the fact males can parade around topless all they want. At least the female nipple also serves a higher purpose in the whole breast feeding thing. A dude’s nipple is just their for ornamental reasons, I suppose.

male nipple

#2: Appendix

It seems as if the only reason the appendix is around is to cause trouble and eventually be removed. The appendix is a ticking time bomb in any human who still has one. Charles Darwin once suggested that the appendix was used by ancient humans to digest leaves. Well, my little sippers, I ain’t no vegetarian, so the appendix is a total waste. The worst thing is that some folks have actually died from appendicitis… I bet they’re pretty pissed about that.

#1: Tonsils and Adenoids

Similar to the appendix, the tonsils are not required for survival and, in fact, can be credited with causing more harm than good. Many children (and even adults) go through the removal of their tonsils and adenoids, usually after they’ve been the source of chronic pain. At least they get ice cream and Jell-O for their suffering. This may just be a conspiracy theory, but does anyone else out there think Bill Cosby is behind the whole tonsils and adenoids abstraction industry!?

Super Saturday Shot Day: Slippery Nipple

Slippery Nipple Shooter

  • 0.75 oz Cream Liqueur (I used Amarula)
  • 0.75 oz Peach Schnapps
  • Garnish with Peach Slice

I should also point out that a tailbone seems completely unnecessary. I don’t need a tail for balance, so why in the world do I require having a tailbone!? If I had a tail, though, I think I’d like to pick one out of the stegosaurus catalogue, complete with spikes to fend off predators!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Man, there are a lot of nipple-related recipes to choose from. I went with the original Slippery Nipple over other options because I remember enjoying these way back when during one of my first times ever getting blasted with Mrs. Sip. Ah, the fuzzy memories! How does the shooter hold up today? Well, I used Amarula Cream instead of the usually advertised Irish Crème, as I wanted to see how the two fruit-based spirits combined. Sadly, this may have made the shot curdle a little… happily, it still tasted pretty good, but it could have been better!