Mixer Mania #18 – Using and Abusing

For some time, commercials have aired hyping chocolate milk as the perfect post-workout beverage. Yes, better than protein shakes, regular milk, water, or sports drinks. Regardless of how legit this claim may be, it got the Sip Advisor thinking about fictional substances used by characters to enhance their physique:

Weight Gain 4000 – South Park

In Eric Cartman’s obsession to be a “beefcake” for his televised award ceremony, after winning his school’s Save Our Fragile Planet essay contest, he begins taking doses of Weight Gain 4000. Well, at least the product came as advertised. By the end of the episode, Cartman has swelled to a massive size and is barely moveable. In his mind, though, the added pounds are simply muscle mass. Cartman does get the fame he wanted, though, as his obesity lands him on talk show Geraldo.

Cartman Weight Gain 4000

Thump – Aqua Teen Hunger Force

After being hospitalized for high blood pressure, Master Shake decides to get into shape. His method of doing this is to drink copious amounts of an illegal fitness beverage called Thump. The product’s flavour options – Mango Bitch Slap, Coconut What Did You Say To Me, and Blueberry Butt Rape – would have most people reconsider, but this is Master Shake we’re talking about. Of course, the muscles gained come to life and start a murderous rampage… just another day in South Jersey!

Powersauce – The Simpsons

Looking to shed his trademark spare tire, Homer Simpson turns to the Rainier Wolfcastle endorsed Powersauce bars to help with his efforts in the gym. Homer’s dedication to only eating foods in bar form led to him becoming the next spokesperson for Powersauce bars and their representative to scale the ominous Murderhorn Mountain. Homer ends up being successful in reaching the Murderhorn peak, but it is also learned that Powersauce bars are merely made from apple cores and Chinese newspapers.

Homer Powersauce Bars

Spinach – Popeye

Popeye has been using this “performance-enhancing substance” throughout his career, with Olive Oyl his enabler. Popeye simply grabs a can of spinach, pops it open and consumes the vegetable, leading to bulging muscles that get him through a number of dire situations. In the real world, spinach sales increased as a result of the character’s association with it. Ironically, spinach was chosen as Popeye’s supplement of choice, due to its iron content, which was later determined to be a miscalculation.

Venom – Batman

The supervillain Bane gains his massive physique by abusing this super steroid. The addictive formula must be constantly administered, directly to Bane’s brain, or else the user will suffer extreme withdrawal. The drug makes Bane so strong, that he is able to break Batman’s back and send him into temporary retirement. Of course, anytime his stream of Venom is disrupted, Bane becomes weak and easily defeated. After all, every antagonist has to have their Achilles’ heel.

Mixer Mania #18: Dirty Bastard

Dirty Bastard.JPG

  • 1 oz Tequila
  • 0.5 oz Irish Crème
  • 0.5 oz Kahlua
  • 0.5 oz Amaretto
  • Top with Chocolate Milk
  • Garnish with Maraschino Cherries

I don’t think I would take any of these enhancers. No, I’ll stick to the chocolate milk – preferably booze-fueled – thank you very much!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
The highlight of this martini might have been finally opening the bottle of Bailey’s Cherry Chocolate Irish Crème I’ve been holding onto for far too long. Despite all the booze that’s part of this recipe, the cocktail is fairly light and the flavours are quite cohesive.

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November 29 – Three’s Company

Three of a Kind

With Horrible Bosses 2 arriving in theatres, I thought it was the perfect time to look back on some of my favourite comedic trios. They say that three is a crowd, but in these cases, it couldn’t be more comfortable:

#5: Nick, Dale & Kurt – Horrible Bosses

I really enjoyed this movie, which sees a trio of friends decide to kill their respective bosses. Of course, things don’t go as planned and they become embroiled in a web of infidelity, break and enter, and homicide. The sequel sees the cast reunite with Nick, Dale and Kurt starting their own business and having to take drastic measures when competition comes along, trying to crush their operation. Best of all, Jennifer Aniston is back for another spin as the nympho dentist!

Horrible-Bosses-Trio

#4: Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Made up of Frylock, Master Shake, and Meatwad, these three food items started life as crime fighters, but evolved into lazy degenerates. I’m particularly fond of Master Shake and Meatwad, who are complete polar opposites. Master Shake is always looking to con his way into money and babes, while Meatwad is a sweet and caring lad. The do share a low level of intelligence, but that makes things all the more interesting. One thing is for sure, I would hate to be their neighbour Carl.

#3: Yakko, Wakko & Dot – Animaniacs

This madcap trio of hellraisers were shut away in the Warner Bros. studio lot vault for decades and upon being released, unleashed their manic brand of humour on the world… whether the world was ready for it or not. Interestingly, the Warner siblings were intended to be ducks, but were changed to dog-like beings in early production. The Warner’s stuck around for 99 episodes of chaotic fun, before disappearing back into their water tower home and leaving the world at peace.

Animaniacs Trio

#2: Phil, Stu & Alan – The Hangover

Played by Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, and Zach Galifianakis, respectively, this movie franchise shows just what can happen when you have a crazy night out in Las Vegas, Bangkok, and just about anywhere in the world. I always felt bad for Doug that he never gets to be part of the adventure. In each of the three movies, he’s pushed to the sidelines… once, quite literally! In the end, these three guys, who were acquaintances before the franchise, became legit friends thanks to the whole experience.

#1: The Three Stooges

Comedy just wouldn’t be the same without Larry, Curly, and Moe. Sure, the recent reboot of this franchise might not be great, but the original troupe were legends and have been ripped off and spoofed for decades. The Three Stooges began their iconic career in 1925 as a vaudeville act, before moving onto feature films. Since appearing on TV for the first time in 1958, their shorts have remained a staple of the airwaves to this day, and will make audiences laugh for years to come.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Three’s Company

Three's Company Shot

  • 0.5 oz Cognac
  • 0.5 oz Grand Marnier
  • 0.5 oz Kahlua
  • Garnish with an Orange Slice

Myself and Mrs. Sip make up our own triple threat, using an interchangeable member that simply hangs on to the awesomeness of our coattails. Honourable mentions go to Alvin and The Chipmunks; Huey, Dewey, and Louie; the Workaholics; and many more. In researching this article, I had to be very careful not to use the search term “best threesomes”… but I used it anyway!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This shot tasted pretty good, largely thanks to the Grand Marnier’s delicious orange flavour. I’ll even throw some credit towards the Kahlua. The score was lowered because of the strong taste, something the decent flavours couldn’t make up for.

May 6 – Spiritual Enlightenment

Spiritually Speaking

Once you read through my list of spirit guides – those that I dub the Sinister Seven – you may notice some themes and common threads. This is what makes the Sip Advisor the man he is today: a Canadian icon and treasure!

Master Shake – Aqua Teen Hunger Force

The only thing Master Shake cares about is having fun. Sadly, the anthropomorphised drink container doesn’t have the necessary funds to accomplish most of his desires and thus has to settle for pleasures within his means, like swimming in neighbor Carl’s filthy pool. His lack of riches doesn’t stop him from arrogantly boasting about various skills he thinks he possesses, so you gotta give him props for believing in himself.
When to summon: When it’s party time, obviously!

Master Shake

Jeff Winger – Community

Mr. Winger was able to fake an entire law career for years, until he was busted by a competing colleague. As the husband of a lawyer, I know that this surely was no easy task and full credit has to be given to someone who exuded so much confidence and intelligence to pull the rouse off.
When to summon: In situations when massive amounts of swagger will put you over the edge.

Roger Smith – American Dad

Roger is a self-described “advanced drinker” and as all you little sippers have learned over our past few months together, no moniker has ever fit this Sip Advisor better than that. While I’ll leave the disguises and alter egos to my alien friend, I do like Roger’s penchant for stirring the pot and getting into (and out of) sticky situations. Might as well have some fun while we’re here on earth!
When to summon: Anytime liquor is being cracked open for mass consumption.

Sterling Archer – Archer

Your Sip Advisor may not be a secret agent, but he does share many traits with one of the best in the business. First and foremost, our complete and utter misunderstanding of “core concepts” has bonded us for eternity. Next comes our love, appreciation, and total devotion to sweet lady liquor. Archer is afraid to quit drinking cold turkey because of the massive hangover he feels has accumulated and is now pending should he ever quit. I’ve never been able to put those same thoughts into words before.
When to summon: When the skills and touch of a secret agent are necessary, like bedding numerous females in a single mission.

Archer

Zack Morris – Saved by the Bell

Zack had all the right moves to accomplish everything from ditching detention to winning the heart of Kelly Kapowski. Usually with the help of friend and resident nerd Screech, Zack got up to so much mischief during his formative years that the principal’s office was a second home to him.
When to summon: In any situation that harkens back to your days as a teenager and high school student… or at least any time your cell phone is as big as your forearm.

Daniel Tosh – Tosh.0

No topic is off limits for Daniel Tosh and he isn’t concerned whether or not he’s crossing a line and offending anyone. People nowadays can be way too cautious, afraid anything they say or do may set off a cluster bomb of hysteria and backlash against them. The safe and easier road more travelled is not for this comedian.
When to summon: In moments where freedom of speech is the only right you really have left anymore.

Bucky Katt – Get Fuzzy

Bucky is always scheming and thinking up his next big idea and opportunity to grift his roommates – human Rob Wilco and dog Satchel Pooch – out of some cash. He has tried everything from a line of clothing, to merging two popular products together into one, to even writing his own poetry. That’s a pretty good resume for someone that sleeps 20 hours each day.
When to summon: When the entrepreneurial spirit hits you and you feel like hitting back… or when you feel that you just need a good nap.

Drink #126: Spiritual Enlightenment

Spiritual Enlightenment Cockttail

  • 1 oz Crème de Cacao
  • 1 oz Peppermint Schnapps
  • 1 oz Grand Marnier
  • Garnish with Spearmint Life-Saver

Who do you, my little sippers, summon when you are in need of a spirit check? If anyone takes the time to summon me, just please know that I am not available between the hours of 12:01am-11:59pm… that’s my time. I am available on a per crisis basis right around midnight each night, so please feel free to hit me up if you are in need!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail restored my faith in Crème de Menthe, as this drink wasn’t half bad… it wasn’t half good either, so I settled at a 2.5. Mrs. Sip thought it tasted like an After Eight chocolate and would have rated it a bit higher but I felt that the Grand Marnier is completely wasted in this drink. Plus, if the cocktail’s creator had been a clever, it would have been called Spiritual EnlightenMINT instead!