Cocktail Corner – Clean Slate

Good Riddance

As the Sip Advisor has done in years past, it’s time to look back at those that enjoyed the best and worst years in 2015. As for me, 2015 was a mixed bag of amazing experiences and personal lows. I’m happy to bid farewell to the year and start fresh with 2016. Let’s see who’s likely to join me:

#5: Jared Fogle and Subway

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Jared Fogle went from the face of Subway and role model to those looking to shed pounds, to public pariah overnight, after it was revealed he was being investigated for paying for sex with minors and receiving and distributing child pornography. The fall was even swifter than his rise to fame as spokesperson of the sandwich shop. As 2015 came to a close, Fogle was sentenced to a 15-year prison term. I wonder if he can get his precious sandwiches from behind bars?

Jared Subway

#4: Hulk Hogan

Once the greatest star the wrestling industry has ever seen, the full damage of Hulk Hogan’s leaked sex tape from 2007 was finally revealed in 2015. In the video, Hogan uses racial slurs in describing the thought of his daughter Brooke’s dating a black man and instantly, the ‘drink your milk, take your vitamins (ahem, steroids),’ all-American hero was gone. There will be no Hulking-up from this and if we ever see Hogan again in a WWE ring, it will be a complete and total shock.

#3: Sepp Blatter and FIFA

One of the most crooked sports organizations in the world was finally served a slice of humble pie, in the form of an FBI-lead investigation into corruption accusations against a number of FIFA officials and president Sepp Blatter. After originally forging ahead and even winning his bid for re-election as head of the football association, Blatter eventually chose to resign due to the scandal. Most recently, Blatter was banned from any FIFA involvement for eight years.

Sepp-Blatter-FIFA

#2: Bill Cosby

Despite a collection of friends, colleagues, and fans who are still willing to defend Bill Cosby, in light of countless drugging and sexual assault allegations, the comedy legend was finally backed into a corner and charged with sexual assault by Pennsylvania authorities, on December 30, 2015. To date, more than 50 women have come forward in recent years, claiming that Cosby drugged and sexually assaulted them. Depending on where this heads in 2016, Cosby could top this list next year.

#1: Syrian Refugees

With images of bodies – young and old – washed ashore, as Syrian refugees attempted to flee their country for better lives, amidst civil war and unrest, this international incident finally came to the forefront in 2015. With many countries accepting the four million refugees into their borders, let’s hope that 2016 is a year in which the Syrian refugees are moved from the worst list, to the best, finding new and prosperous homes, around the world.

Cocktail Corner: Clean Slate

Jan 4

  • Rim glass with Sugar
  • 0.75 oz Amaretto
  • 0.5 oz Elderflower Liqueur
  • 0.5 oz Cherry Liqueur
  • Splash of Lemon Juice
  • Dash of Sour Apple Mixer
  • Top with Champagne

Some dishonourable mentions include fraudster Martin Shkreli, reality star rapist Josh Duggar, Volkswagen, Ashley Madison and their users, Ebola victims, and American police. Next week, we look at those who had a great 2015 and look to ride that momentum in the New Year.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I did some tinkering with this recipe, but the end result was a decent drink. There’s a bunch of different flavours all competing for your attention, with the Amaretto probably winning the battle. A fun drink for New Year’s celebrations.

Flavour Revolution – Raspberry

Blowing a Raspberry

The Razzie Awards are like the anti-Oscars. They were invented by John J.B. Wilson in 1980, with the first ceremony being held in Wilson’s own living room. The trophy’s, which feature a golden raspberry on top of an 8mm film roll, have grown in popularity ever since. Here are some of the most-nominated Razzie Award contenders in Hollywood history:

Sylvester Stallone

It seems like everything Sly Stallone has ever done earned him some Razzie consideration, including his most famous characters in Rocky Balboa and John Rambo. Stallone even had the title “Worst Actor of the Decade” and later “Worst Actor of the Century” bestowed upon him, resulting from 32 nominations and 10 wins. “Yo Adrian, I did it!”

chiropractor-Stallone

Kevin Costner

Mr. Costner has survived a rollercoaster career, rife with many peaks and valleys. This has been highlighted by his two Oscars, three Golden Globes, and one Emmy, while contrasted by his many Razzie nominations and wins. We are talking about an actor who didn’t even bother trying to fake an English accent for his turn as the mythical Robin Hood.

Madonna

The Queen of Pop has earned the dubious distinction of being the Razzie’s All-Time Worst Actress, with 15 nominations and nine victories to her credit, thus far. At the top of that list, was the foundation’s “Worst Actress of the Century” prize. It should be noted however, that Madge has also picked up a Golden Globe for Evita. Maybe, for safety purposes, she should stick to music.

Eddie Murphy

The latter stages of Eddie Murphy’s career has not been nearly as kind to him, as the early triumphs he enjoyed. Films such as The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Norbit, Meet Dave, and A Thousand Words, cut into Murphy’s once immense popularity. At least he has a new Beverly Hills Cop sequel on the horizon. Perhaps that can put him back into the “Money in the Bank” classification.

eddie-murphy-prince

Sharon Stone

Clearly, sex doesn’t sell when it comes to the Razzie’s. For showing her most naughty bits in Basic Instinct, Stone received a nomination for “Worst New Star.” Most men appreciated her efforts, though. Perhaps worst of all, Stone was nominated, once again, a decade later for the same “Worst New Star” prize she had already won for the film Diabolique, as she tried to present a new side of her acting skills.

Adam Sandler

In one year alone (2011), Sandler accumulated 11 Razzie nominations, thanks to his work on Jack and Jill, Just Go With It, and Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star. Jack and Jill became the first movie to ever sweep the Razzie’s, winning 10 awards. Thanks to his dual role in the film, Sandler even picked up both the Worst Actor and Worst Actress honours, at the same time.

Flavour Revolution: Rose Royale

Rose Royale Martini

Some actors have even accepted their Razzie Award in person, beginning with Bill Cosby, for 1987’s Leonard, Part 6. Joining the controversial comedian in accepting this dubious honour are Tom Selleck, Tom Green, Ben Affleck, Halle Berry, and Sandra Bullock, among others.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I’ve never been the biggest fan of cream-based drinks, but this one wasn’t too bad. The tartness of the Raspberry Cream Liqueur was kind of nice and I made sure to use a finer Tequila, so as not to ruin the martini.

February 28 – A Very Cosby Breakfast

Cultural Comedies

While Black History Month has come and gone, we should celebrate our African American friends all-year round. With that in mind, there have been a number of great black families in the history of TV, many of which, I could see myself moving in with. Here are the Top 5 families, leaving a space on the couch open for the Sip Advisor!

#5: The Winslow’s – Family Matters

To be in such a loving household, is something many can only dream of (or TGIF writers could compose!). My family life was awesome, so I can kind of understand a sitcom family’s charms. The Winslow clan was incredibly tight knit and affectionate, led by father Carl. Sure you would have to deal with the constant visits by neighbour Steve Urkel, but even that’s not so bad. He only caused millions of dollars in damages during the tenure of the series. Luckily, Carl had a decent paying job as a cop and he must have invested wisely in household insurance!

FAMILY MATTERS

#4: The Brown’s – Cleveland Show

The animated adventures of Cleveland Brown and family showed that true love will eventually be worked out by the universe (both Cleveland and wife Donna were divorcees, reuniting later in life to give their relationship a second chance) and that blended families can work. I love almost every character in this series, but the Brown/Tubbs family is the focal point, making to town of Stoolbend seem like a nice place to settle. Sadly, the Cleveland Show only lasted four seasons before the Brown family were merged back into the Family Guy universe.

#3: The Evans’ – Good Times

In good times and bad, families need to stick together and no show proved that more than Good Times. The series centered on the Evans family, who lived in a Chicago projects development. Viewers everywhere learned of the struggle of a hardworking black family, trying to overcome the odds. The character of J.J. (aka Kid Dy-no-mite!) made the show a smash success, while stories about gang violence and “keeping your head above water” in tough economic times made Good Times an everyman show, not just one meant for a particular race.

goodtimes

#2: The Huxtable’s – Cosby Show

In the 1980’s, the sweater-clad Bill Cosby did his best to change the perception of black families. Of course, it helped that he was playing a doctor, married to a lawyer, but the point was that the comedian was trying to show the rest of North America that black family shows didn’t need to always be set in the ghetto – although it worked for Good Times. Sadly, Cosby’s legacy has taken a pounding (that might not be the best word) recently, with numerous rape allegations coming to light. It’s too bad, because the show was pretty awesome and still held up decades later.

#1: The Banks’ – Fresh Prince of Belair

The Sip Advisor still watches episodes of Fresh Prince of Belair to this day. It provides such a good combo of humour and touching stories that you can’t help but want to live in the Banks’ family mansion… yes, money always helps when choosing a family to crash with. Philip Banks was an awesome father figure, taking young Willy from Philly into his family, when all he did was get into one little fight (and his mom got scared!), providing him with every opportunity to succeed. Even uptight Carlton grew on you, especially when dancing to his favourite crooner, Tom Jones!

Super Saturday Shot Day: A Very Cosby Breakfast

A Very Cosby Breakfast Shot

Of course, this list solely looks at TV families. If you ventured into the movie realm, at the top would have to be the Klumps, where every dinner is an adventure! In an interesting note, three of the five shows listed in this article were spinoffs of another series, while the Cosby Show inspired its own offshoot with A Different World.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
While this shooter isn’t an original one, I made the decision to rim the shot glass with Pudding, in honour of Bill Cosby’s product endorsement contributions. The recipe called for Grapefruit Schnapps/Vodka, but I substituted Grapefruit Soda, instead. The blend of chocolate and grapefruit was unique and pretty good. The Pudding was the icing (or pudding) on the cake and it had been years since I enjoyed a snack pack!

February 1 – Slippery Nipple

Not Necessary

For some reason, us humans are equipped with a number of features that are absolutely useless. I mean, who really uses their five senses? I myself am experimenting with a new type of hybrid sensory experience, which I like to call non-sense. And the hits just keep on coming! Here are the top five needless body parts:

#5: Wisdom Teeth

Mrs. Sip can vouch that I was no more wiser with my wisdom teeth than I am today. Why then, do we have these chompers that eventually require removal, followed by a lengthy recovery where we have to be careful with what we eat? There should never be situations where we can’t eat whatever we want, whenever we want. I had to give up chips for a couple weeks, although I was lucky in that my wisdom teeth were removed over two procedures (one for each side) and so I just pushed all food to the uninjured side.

wisdom-teeth

#4: Body Hair

In all seriousness, who needs body hair? Both women and men seem hell bent on plucking, waxing, and lasering any and all fur from their frame. As for the hair on the top of your head, I guess that can stick around. People seem to like having a mane that they can style and colour any way they want. Heck, that’s why we shun those who no longer have that option. Right, we’re still doing that shunning of baldies thing!?

#3: Male Nipple

Let’s be clear here: I’m only talking about the MALE nipple. It serves no purpose and it’s not as if it features prominently into male nudity, like it does with the fairer sex. Remember every inch of a female breast can be revealed and it’s only nudity if that nipple slips out to say hello… despite the fact males can parade around topless all they want. At least the female nipple also serves a higher purpose in the whole breast feeding thing. A dude’s nipple is just their for ornamental reasons, I suppose.

male nipple

#2: Appendix

It seems as if the only reason the appendix is around is to cause trouble and eventually be removed. The appendix is a ticking time bomb in any human who still has one. Charles Darwin once suggested that the appendix was used by ancient humans to digest leaves. Well, my little sippers, I ain’t no vegetarian, so the appendix is a total waste. The worst thing is that some folks have actually died from appendicitis… I bet they’re pretty pissed about that.

#1: Tonsils and Adenoids

Similar to the appendix, the tonsils are not required for survival and, in fact, can be credited with causing more harm than good. Many children (and even adults) go through the removal of their tonsils and adenoids, usually after they’ve been the source of chronic pain. At least they get ice cream and Jell-O for their suffering. This may just be a conspiracy theory, but does anyone else out there think Bill Cosby is behind the whole tonsils and adenoids abstraction industry!?

Super Saturday Shot Day: Slippery Nipple

Slippery Nipple Shooter

  • 0.75 oz Cream Liqueur (I used Amarula)
  • 0.75 oz Peach Schnapps
  • Garnish with Peach Slice

I should also point out that a tailbone seems completely unnecessary. I don’t need a tail for balance, so why in the world do I require having a tailbone!? If I had a tail, though, I think I’d like to pick one out of the stegosaurus catalogue, complete with spikes to fend off predators!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Man, there are a lot of nipple-related recipes to choose from. I went with the original Slippery Nipple over other options because I remember enjoying these way back when during one of my first times ever getting blasted with Mrs. Sip. Ah, the fuzzy memories! How does the shooter hold up today? Well, I used Amarula Cream instead of the usually advertised Irish Crème, as I wanted to see how the two fruit-based spirits combined. Sadly, this may have made the shot curdle a little… happily, it still tasted pretty good, but it could have been better!

December 19 – Gingerbread Man

Dessert Delicacies

Christmas is a time of peace, love, joy… and desserts! It seems Ma Sip is always baking this time of year and even Mrs. Sip spends some rare time in the kitchen. Cookies exchanges and potlucks are the norm during the holiday season, so you can’t even escape overindulging while at work. Here are some Christmas dessert staples:

Gingerbread Men/Houses

I’m not a massive fan of Gingerbread, while Mrs. Sip does enjoy it. We used to construct a yearly Gingerbread House, but have long since left that frustrating process behind us, in favour of… well, being lazy. I really only enjoyed the process for getting to eat all the candy you’re supposed to apply to the house, so maybe instead of buying the kit every year, I should have just grabbed a bag of candy and ate myself stupid!

Gingerbread Men

Shortbread Cookies

I’m not sure why Shortbread Cookies are so addictive. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, they’re pretty plain. Even if you dress them up with chocolate and other ingredients, there’s not a whole lot going on there. Similarly, Sugar Cookies just seem to hit the spot when you start binging on them. Like potato chips, it’s hard to stop at one. Looking back at this project I’ve been doing for the last year, it seems I have a myriad of concerning vices that need to be dealt with!

Cinnamon Buns

I’ve already written that Cinnamon Buns are often a featured item on Christmas morning for the Family Sip. They also make for a great snack throughout the holiday season. This is one of the few circumstances where I welcome cream cheese… and lots of it! All you need to do is warm those suckers up (if they’re not fresh out of the oven) and go into icing shock. Make sure to lick that plate clean… it saves on time spent washing dishes!

Fruit Cake

I’ve never really done the Fruit Cake thing. It seems that a lifetime of jokes about Fruit Cakes (usually being passed back and forth and never consumed because nobody wants it) has steered me clear of the oft-criticized dessert offering. I’m making it my goal to try the cake this year at some point. All I need to do is get blitzed enough that my taste buds are in full retreat and I’ll go in for the score. I’ll keep you updated on my adventures.

fruitcake

Chocolate Chip Cookies

I’m such a cookie fiend that yes, this is the third entry on this list to be cookie-based. Chocolate Chip is a good starting point, but I love Cookies that go beyond the normal recipe. Ma Sip made a batch this year with Cinnamon Chips and I’ve always been partial to throwing some peanut butter in the recipe. Mrs. Sip and I have our own patented recipe called ‘Bitches be Poison’ which includes chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, and Smarties among other indulgent ingredients.

Pie

Christmas is a perfect time to bring out the Pie (don’t think too dirty, my little sippers), regardless of which flavour. American Thanksgiving starts the ball rolling with Apple and Pumpkin Pie, both of which frequent Christmas feast menus. I’ve always preferred a fruit-filled pie like cherry or raspberry. Add some ice cream to your slice and you’ll be in a la mode heaven! Now you have the tough decision of which flavour to choose from, but I’m sure you’re capable.

Bread Pudding

I’ll finish up with another entry that I’m not particularly fond of (Mrs. Sip is, begging the question of how we ever found similarities to base our relationship around!). Bread Pudding just isn’t my cup of tea… although it is enjoyed with a cup of tea. I think my dislike has more to do with the pudding portion than the bread. The only pudding I find tolerable is chocolate-flavoured and only when it’s in one of those little snack-sized cups. I can thank Bill Cosby for that!

Drink #353: Gingerbread Man

Gingerbread Man Drink Recipe

  • Rim glass with Crushed Gingerbread
  • 1 oz Irish Crème
  • 1 oz Goldschlager
  • 1 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
  • 1 oz Vodka
  • Sprinkle with Crushed Gingerbread

What Christmas dessert traditions do you enjoy? Do you want to get in on my Fruit Cake pledge? Do you like the questions I ask of you? Am I just wasting my time with these wrap-up paragraphs?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail wasn’t bad, but Mrs. Sip didn’t like how strong it was. The only issue I had with it was that the Goldschlager is a little too heavy and dominant in the drink and I might knock back its proportion if I made the martini in the future. The Gingerbread Cookie rim and dusting worked okay, but not as good as other rims I’ve put together.

February 19 – Strawberry Sentiment

The Big 5-0

It’s milestone time here at The Sip as we hit the half-century mark on the 365-day drink challenge! It’s been a wilder ride than Mr. Toad’s, thus far, and to celebrate, here are some liquor-related memes to enjoy!:

Cosby

Bill Cosby rules and for a man who put Jell-O on the map, he must wonder what all these kids are doing nowadays tinkering with Jell-O innocence. Well, Bill, kids do say and do the darnedest things!

Motivation

This is about as bad as when you’re at Disneyland and someone uses their wheelchair to get to the front of the line-up only to then step out of it and able-bodily enter and exit the ride, while you’ve waited hours for the same attraction. You almost hope they slip and fall on some karma.

Distilled Spirits

This is a religion I can get behind. Gotta love that there is not one, but two bottles by this guy’s feet. However, I’m worried that his condition will no longer allow him to reach those bottles, which would be a shame. He’s got a rocking beard, though.

Bath

I don’t think this is what his AA sponsor meant by getting clean. Personally, I think this guy looks a little too happy given that he is surrounded by empties. Well, when you can’t get lucky, I guess the next best thing to do is take a bath with all your closest friends.

Sled

Yeah, salad sucks… unless it’s Caesar salad. This idea looks like an awesome good time. Hopefully the crash at the end of the stunt was worth it. It would be hard explaining to your wife the big hole in your wall afterwards, especially with a chalk outline that includes a beer can!

Molotov Cocktail

I absolutely love this guy. I wish I knew who he was. You can write anything around this picture and it’s hilarious. Mrs. Sip is often startled from her nap as I lose my shit viewing memes involving this happy ginger. Rock on, buddy… rock on!

Drink #50: Strawberry Sentiment (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Strawberry Sentiment Drink

  • Rim glass with salt
  • 1.5 oz Tequila
  • 0.75 oz Cointreau
  • Top with half Ginger Ale, half Brisk Strawberry-Melon
  • Garnish with a Strawberry Heart

Cheers and here’s to the next 50 drinks here at The Sip Advisor!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I really liked this margarita-esque recipe. From the salt rim to the Strawberry-Melon mixer, I enjoyed every ingredient. A great way to celebrate this Sip Advisor 50th post milestone!