December 19 – Gingerbread Man

Dessert Delicacies

Christmas is a time of peace, love, joy… and desserts! It seems Ma Sip is always baking this time of year and even Mrs. Sip spends some rare time in the kitchen. Cookies exchanges and potlucks are the norm during the holiday season, so you can’t even escape overindulging while at work. Here are some Christmas dessert staples:

Gingerbread Men/Houses

I’m not a massive fan of Gingerbread, while Mrs. Sip does enjoy it. We used to construct a yearly Gingerbread House, but have long since left that frustrating process behind us, in favour of… well, being lazy. I really only enjoyed the process for getting to eat all the candy you’re supposed to apply to the house, so maybe instead of buying the kit every year, I should have just grabbed a bag of candy and ate myself stupid!

Gingerbread Men

Shortbread Cookies

I’m not sure why Shortbread Cookies are so addictive. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, they’re pretty plain. Even if you dress them up with chocolate and other ingredients, there’s not a whole lot going on there. Similarly, Sugar Cookies just seem to hit the spot when you start binging on them. Like potato chips, it’s hard to stop at one. Looking back at this project I’ve been doing for the last year, it seems I have a myriad of concerning vices that need to be dealt with!

Cinnamon Buns

I’ve already written that Cinnamon Buns are often a featured item on Christmas morning for the Family Sip. They also make for a great snack throughout the holiday season. This is one of the few circumstances where I welcome cream cheese… and lots of it! All you need to do is warm those suckers up (if they’re not fresh out of the oven) and go into icing shock. Make sure to lick that plate clean… it saves on time spent washing dishes!

Fruit Cake

I’ve never really done the Fruit Cake thing. It seems that a lifetime of jokes about Fruit Cakes (usually being passed back and forth and never consumed because nobody wants it) has steered me clear of the oft-criticized dessert offering. I’m making it my goal to try the cake this year at some point. All I need to do is get blitzed enough that my taste buds are in full retreat and I’ll go in for the score. I’ll keep you updated on my adventures.

fruitcake

Chocolate Chip Cookies

I’m such a cookie fiend that yes, this is the third entry on this list to be cookie-based. Chocolate Chip is a good starting point, but I love Cookies that go beyond the normal recipe. Ma Sip made a batch this year with Cinnamon Chips and I’ve always been partial to throwing some peanut butter in the recipe. Mrs. Sip and I have our own patented recipe called ‘Bitches be Poison’ which includes chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, and Smarties among other indulgent ingredients.

Pie

Christmas is a perfect time to bring out the Pie (don’t think too dirty, my little sippers), regardless of which flavour. American Thanksgiving starts the ball rolling with Apple and Pumpkin Pie, both of which frequent Christmas feast menus. I’ve always preferred a fruit-filled pie like cherry or raspberry. Add some ice cream to your slice and you’ll be in a la mode heaven! Now you have the tough decision of which flavour to choose from, but I’m sure you’re capable.

Bread Pudding

I’ll finish up with another entry that I’m not particularly fond of (Mrs. Sip is, begging the question of how we ever found similarities to base our relationship around!). Bread Pudding just isn’t my cup of tea… although it is enjoyed with a cup of tea. I think my dislike has more to do with the pudding portion than the bread. The only pudding I find tolerable is chocolate-flavoured and only when it’s in one of those little snack-sized cups. I can thank Bill Cosby for that!

Drink #353: Gingerbread Man

Gingerbread Man Drink Recipe

  • Rim glass with Crushed Gingerbread
  • 1 oz Irish Crème
  • 1 oz Goldschlager
  • 1 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
  • 1 oz Vodka
  • Sprinkle with Crushed Gingerbread

What Christmas dessert traditions do you enjoy? Do you want to get in on my Fruit Cake pledge? Do you like the questions I ask of you? Am I just wasting my time with these wrap-up paragraphs?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail wasn’t bad, but Mrs. Sip didn’t like how strong it was. The only issue I had with it was that the Goldschlager is a little too heavy and dominant in the drink and I might knock back its proportion if I made the martini in the future. The Gingerbread Cookie rim and dusting worked okay, but not as good as other rims I’ve put together.

September 25 – Mojo

Aphrodisiastic

I’m the kind of guy that’s ready to go at all hours of the day. I don’t need any food, drink, or other item to ‘put me in the mood’. I’ve come to understand that not everyone is as awesome as the Sip Advisor and therefore, I’m here to help all you little sippers out there that need an extra boost to get your mojo fired up. Here is an examination of some of the many items purported to help with libido!:

Chocolate – Named an aphrodisiac by women just so they can stuff their faces with the stuff and have an excuse to do so. In the end, they just complain they’re too full and not in any mood for making whoopee.

chocolate-aphrodisiac

Oysters – Well, I suppose the whole ‘slimy substance travelling down your throat’ could be practice for fun times later?

Spicy Peppers – These are sure to simulate some part of the body!

Snake Blood – Why not drink the snake’s venom, as well!? I think the only reason snake’s blood is an aphrodisiac is because once you kill one, your heart is pumping so fast you’d be ready to bed a rhino.

Dried Tiger Penis – Oh sure, this will be an easy find. Tiger’s are cuddly and approachable right!? Just like stuffed animals!

No, not that Tiger!

Bull Genitals – Why do all these cultures think that consumption of animal junk will make them more virile?

Spanish Fly – The European Blister Beetle can apparently provide a long-lasting erection that will later require medical attention. Is it worth it?

Fetal Duck Egg – Thanks for this haunting image, Asia. Apparently the fetal duck is most potent after 17 days, begging the question: who tests this stuff?

Stewed Crocodile – Sure crocs are cold-blooded killers, but I really don’t see that translating into sexual prowess, unless you plan on holding your lover underwater until they’re unconscious first.

crocodile toy

Looks like kitty got the message!

Leaf-Cutter Ants – At least they’re supposed to taste like bacon when roasted.

Deep-Fried Tarantula – I’m pretty sure Mrs. Sip would kick me out of our place if I even suggested deep-fried tarantula for snack time. I bet it won’t be long before this delicacy is being served at fairs around the world, right next to those deep-fried Mars bars!

Ambergris – This solid, waxy substance is either regurgitated or defecated by sperm whales… you know what, you already lost me…

Pumpkin Pie – So I guess people are only going to get laid around Thanksgiving… at least they’ll have something to be thankful for!

Pineapple – I always told Mrs. Sip that she should get into Hawaiian pizza. It’s tough when you’re always right!

Drink #268: Mojo

Sept 25

  • 1 oz Rum
  • 1 oz Cherry Liqueur
  • Top with Beer
  • Splash of Cola
  • Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
  • Splash of Orange Juice
  • Splash of Pineapple Juice
  • Garnish with Tiger Penis (kidding!)

Why can’t things like hamburgers and hot dogs be aphrodisiacs? Why does it always have to be the weird stuff!? I’m going to go find me some ambergris and pester Mrs. Sip for a little roll in the hay!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Wow, this cocktail was good. I was weary of how it would turn out given how many ingredients it called for and which ingredients you were expected to be mixing together, but I really enjoyed the finished product. Cola and Beer mix together much better than I could have ever imagined!