I’m the kind of guy that’s ready to go at all hours of the day. I don’t need any food, drink, or other item to ‘put me in the mood’. I’ve come to understand that not everyone is as awesome as the Sip Advisor and therefore, I’m here to help all you little sippers out there that need an extra boost to get your mojo fired up. Here is an examination of some of the many items purported to help with libido!:
Chocolate – Named an aphrodisiac by women just so they can stuff their faces with the stuff and have an excuse to do so. In the end, they just complain they’re too full and not in any mood for making whoopee.
Oysters – Well, I suppose the whole ‘slimy substance travelling down your throat’ could be practice for fun times later?
Spicy Peppers – These are sure to simulate some part of the body!
Snake Blood – Why not drink the snake’s venom, as well!? I think the only reason snake’s blood is an aphrodisiac is because once you kill one, your heart is pumping so fast you’d be ready to bed a rhino.
Dried Tiger Penis – Oh sure, this will be an easy find. Tiger’s are cuddly and approachable right!? Just like stuffed animals!
Bull Genitals – Why do all these cultures think that consumption of animal junk will make them more virile?
Spanish Fly – The European Blister Beetle can apparently provide a long-lasting erection that will later require medical attention. Is it worth it?
Fetal Duck Egg – Thanks for this haunting image, Asia. Apparently the fetal duck is most potent after 17 days, begging the question: who tests this stuff?
Stewed Crocodile – Sure crocs are cold-blooded killers, but I really don’t see that translating into sexual prowess, unless you plan on holding your lover underwater until they’re unconscious first.
Leaf-Cutter Ants – At least they’re supposed to taste like bacon when roasted.
Deep-Fried Tarantula – I’m pretty sure Mrs. Sip would kick me out of our place if I even suggested deep-fried tarantula for snack time. I bet it won’t be long before this delicacy is being served at fairs around the world, right next to those deep-fried Mars bars!
Ambergris – This solid, waxy substance is either regurgitated or defecated by sperm whales… you know what, you already lost me…
Pumpkin Pie – So I guess people are only going to get laid around Thanksgiving… at least they’ll have something to be thankful for!
Pineapple – I always told Mrs. Sip that she should get into Hawaiian pizza. It’s tough when you’re always right!
Drink #268: Mojo
- 1 oz Rum
- 1 oz Cherry Liqueur
- Top with Beer
- Splash of Cola
- Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
- Splash of Orange Juice
- Splash of Pineapple Juice
- Garnish with Tiger Penis (kidding!)
Why can’t things like hamburgers and hot dogs be aphrodisiacs? Why does it always have to be the weird stuff!? I’m going to go find me some ambergris and pester Mrs. Sip for a little roll in the hay!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Wow, this cocktail was good. I was weary of how it would turn out given how many ingredients it called for and which ingredients you were expected to be mixing together, but I really enjoyed the finished product. Cola and Beer mix together much better than I could have ever imagined!