March 22 – Fat Cat

Cat Scratch Fever

They don’t need our love, but we shower them with adoration anyway. I’ve always been a cat guy and find them to be a great pet for someone as lazy as myself. They’re pretty self-sufficient (don’t need to be walked or washed) and will be entirely happy with a dish full of food, warm laundry to nap on, and the odd catnip toy for a little buzz and exercise. Here are the top five greatest felines in history:

#5: Puss in Boots – Shrek

The little kitty is clever and cunning. He lures his foes in with his deep, dark, sad eyes and once they are mesmerized, out comes the sword and the fight is on. Puss is a furry version of Zorro and not coincidentally is voiced by Antonio Banderas, who played the iconic swordsman in recent times. Whether he’s teaming with Shrek, Donkey and the rest of the gang or enjoying his own adventure, Puss is sure to leave his mark (hopefully not literally) on history.

puss-in-boots

#4: Tom – Tom & Jerry

Poor, poor Tom. No matter how hard he tries, Jerry always manages to elude him and Tom usually winds up with a boo-boo. Therefore, I always liked it best when Tom and Jerry teamed up. After all, the two have been around since the 1940’s, which is a long time to be continually chasing one another. The duo’s long standing rivalry has had an influence on other media. Even Jackass star Johnny Knoxville credits the tandem for inspiring some of the stunts the troupe attempt.

#3: Bucky – Get Fuzzy

Bucky isn’t as well-known as some of the other felines on this list, but he’s above and beyond, one of the funniest. Bucky is a terror to his owner Rob and roommate Satchel (a Sharpie-Labrador cross). A lot of the humour in Get Fuzzy comes from the pets’ misunderstanding of human words and actions and Bucky is a master of the misinterpretation. He’s also constantly scheming for money, food or domination over the apartment, which often results in his being grounded in his closet.

Bucky Katt

#2: Garfield – Garfield & Friends, etc.

What’s great about Garfield is that he just doesn’t care. He only has room for a few loves in his world and that void is quickly filled by food (particularly lasagna), his blankie, and stuffed bear. Sure, he’s occasionally nice to John and Odie, but that’s only for holiday specials like Christmas and Halloween. For this cat, it’s all about the luxuries in life. Garfield is so lazy, he can’t even be bothered to form meaningful relationship with other cats.

#1: Sylvester – Looney Tunes

Sure, Sylvester’s not the smartest animal on the block, but he gets an ‘A’ for effort, every time out. If he ever caught that infernal Tweety Bird, the world would rejoice in a congregation more massive than the Olympic opening ceremony parade. Sylvester’s son and wife also appear in some animated shorts, with his son often declaring “Mother, get the bandages,” after his father gets roughed up by any number of adversaries.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Fat Cat

Fat Cat Shooter

  • 1 oz Irish Crème
  • 0.25 oz Amaretto
  • 0.25 oz Crème de Banane

I’m sure I’ve made some choices with this ranking that has upset some of you. Send your best cat claws my way and make me regret my decisions. If I don’t hear any criticism, I will assume that my picks are good as gold and all free thinking will henceforth be left up to the Sip Advisor… you’re welcome!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
Okay, this one is going to take some explaining. Sure it doesn’t look like your typical shooter, but this is how a cat would drink it. I wanted to present the shot in a saucer type dish to go along with the name and theme of the recipe. It’s a pretty good shot, but the Crème de Banane gets buried and you taste the Amaretto the most. Drink up, my little kitties!

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July 29 – Bloody Roadrunner

Crime & Punishment

Throughout history, we have been introduced to many evil characters (real and fictional). Some of these folks have paid greatly for their misdeeds, but some have not received their comeuppance. Here are a few most people would like to see get theirs:

The Roadrunner – Looney Tunes

This drink’s namesake has always gotten the best of Wile E. Coyote, which saddens me because I’m a staunch supporter of the coyote. Granted, it’s funny to see the poor guy constantly falling off cliffs and having massive desert rocks crush him, but I know we’d all love to see The Roadrunner get caught and turned into Roadrunner Stew. Beep, beep that you little bastard!

Tweety Bird – Looney Tunes

Similar to The Roadrunner, Tweety Bird is the bane of Sylvester the Cat’s existence. Poor Sylvester just can’t seem to catch that bird and the end result is another smattering of Band-Aids to heal all of Sylvester’s wounds. My feline sidekick Furious B. (aka Bam Bam… that’s right, my cat is so epic he has two names) is a bird catching expert, often leaving little presents for Ma and Pa Sip. Perhaps he could lend some advice to Sylvester and together they could eradicate the bird population.

Joffrey Baratheon – Game of Thrones

I’m sure it’s eventually coming, but I can’t wait to see this little brat get knocked down a few thousand pegs. Hell, throw in his mother and grandfather and let them all get treated to some revenge best served cold. It will be a complete pleasure to see this little psychopath meet his maker. The only question is, who will be the one to get to him? There’s already a long and growing list of potential vindicators!

JoffreyBaratheonPracticeTarget

Wrestling Heel – All Promotions

The history of professional wrestling has been filled with dastardly bad guys, who cheat and coward their way to the top. All you want to see is them get locked in a steel cage and get their ass handed to them on a silver platter, courtesy of the heroic good guy who just can’t take the injustice anymore. Some of the best in history include Triple H, Ric Flair, Edge, Ted DiBiase, and even WWE chairman Vince McMahon.

Brad Marchand – Boston Bruins

While I don’t wish anything bad on most hockey players, there is one I wouldn’t mind hearing had post-concussion issues and that is the reigning rat king of the NHL, Brad Marchand. He is a talented player, but he’s also dirty and much like the rest of his team, gets away with more than most players are able to. The way he repeatedly punched Daniel Sedin during the 2011 Stanley Cup Finals – and got away with it – was disgusting.

Brad Marchand

The Governor – The Walking Dead

While The Governor has suffered his own share of tragedy, much like the rest of the survivors in AMC’s Zombie infested world, his sneaky, vile behavior begs that he receives even more misfortune. And you can bet Rick and company will deliver. All we have to do is wait for Season 4 to kick-off and revenge plans should be in motion. Sadly, The Governor’s remaining troops might eliminate a few more of the good guys before it’s all said and done.

Nurse Ratched – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

This evil woman is the domineering presence reigning over the mental institution in which Randle McMurphy finds himself sent to. Nurse Ratched is responsible for the lobotomy of McMurphy, which renders him useless, after he continued to defy her authority despite shock therapy and other punishments. Granted McMurphy nearly choked Ratched to death (after she caused the suicide of a young, frightened patient) and caused her injury to her neck and vocal cord, but she never truly faces retribution for her abuse of power and patients.

Drink #210: Bloody Roadrunner

Bloody Roadrunner Drink Recipe

  • 1.5 oz Southern Comfort
  • Top with half Sports Drink and half Fruit Punch
  • Garnish with Raspberries

Unfortunately, we may never see some of these people get their comeuppance. We are allowed to dream, however, and dream we shall!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is a tasty cocktail, but could use something in the form of bubbles to give it a little more zest. Otherwise, it goes down a little too easy like juice or iced tea.

April 9 – Toucan

Angry Advisor

Let’s see: coffee drinkers… check; religious zealots… check; birds… hmmm, haven’t ranted on that yet!

I hate birds. Just downright don’t like them. All they do is poop on people… I should know, their bombs have struck me twice in my life and that’s something you just don’t forget.

Kittypult

Not to mention Mrs. Sip and I currently have a bird infestation on the balcony of our place. When we first moved in, a bird had made a nest on the ground of the balcony and we had a baby pigeon. Not realizing what a mess that would turn out to be, we named it Baby Buster and then ignored the problem for several months. Before we knew it, our balcony became a shelter for the stupid creatures who completely ignored the wooden owl that’s supposed to scare them away. And once again an owl has failed me.

Now, it looks like a war zone of bird crap out there. So much so, that we are afraid to open that sliding door, even on the hottest summer days, fearing that we could be breathing in toxins from these vermin. Stupid birds.

Even birds seem to hate other birds. They seem to fight more than warring homeless people.

gothandhippiebirds

And it’s not just real birds that piss me off. Animated ones draw my ire, too. Tweety: stupid and annoying. The Roadrunner: stupid and annoying. Woody Woodpecker: stupid and annoying. Sorry about that, the adjective generator in my brain was overloaded the other day and the repair guys are supposed to show up sometime between 9am and 5pm today.

To be fair, I respect the poke playing hawks in the new Old Spice deodorant commercial, but that’s only because I fear them as well. Ducks (Donald, Scrooge, Daffy) and penguins (Opus, Chilly Willy, Wheezy) get a pass because they entertain me. And surprisingly, I do love me some Angry Birds (there’s something so satisfying seeing birds get launched into objects and the resulting mass destruction!).

I cheer when Peter Griffin fights the giant angry chicken. I cry every time Tweety and The Roadrunner get the better of Sylvester J. Pussycat and Wile E. Coyote, respectively, and my blood pressure rises every time I’m woken up by the cooing of a filthy bird on my balcony.

In closing, I am taking steps forward in organizing the Anti-Bird Movement (apparently I’m not alone). Our offices will be located in the Swiss Alps, so high in altitude that birds cannot find us and therefore we need not worry about their poop, their weird birdy noises, or their ability to steal French fries. While this drink may have been enjoyable, I’m feel great shame and sadness every time I make a drink that is bird-related. On the plus side, once you slam this cocktail, that’s one less feathered fiend in existence.

Drink #99: Toucan

Toucan Martini Cocktail

  • 1 oz Malibu Rum
  • 1 oz Peach Schnapps
  • Top with half Orange Juice and half Lemon-Lime Soda
  • Garnish with an Orange Slice covered in Coconut Shavings

Tomorrow marks our 100th post here at The Sip Advisor. I hope you’ll join us, as we look back at the first 100 days of this drinking challenge, through wild recipes, insane garnishes and wonderful time spent together.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I may be guilty of kind of screwing this one up. Despite using Orange Juice, I was surprised to see how clear the drink was. After photos and drinking, I realized that I forgot to shake the OJ and that was why it was so clear. It still tasted decent, so I guess the essence of Orange Juice is good for something.