July 29 – Bloody Roadrunner

Crime & Punishment

Throughout history, we have been introduced to many evil characters (real and fictional). Some of these folks have paid greatly for their misdeeds, but some have not received their comeuppance. Here are a few most people would like to see get theirs:

The Roadrunner – Looney Tunes

This drink’s namesake has always gotten the best of Wile E. Coyote, which saddens me because I’m a staunch supporter of the coyote. Granted, it’s funny to see the poor guy constantly falling off cliffs and having massive desert rocks crush him, but I know we’d all love to see The Roadrunner get caught and turned into Roadrunner Stew. Beep, beep that you little bastard!

Tweety Bird – Looney Tunes

Similar to The Roadrunner, Tweety Bird is the bane of Sylvester the Cat’s existence. Poor Sylvester just can’t seem to catch that bird and the end result is another smattering of Band-Aids to heal all of Sylvester’s wounds. My feline sidekick Furious B. (aka Bam Bam… that’s right, my cat is so epic he has two names) is a bird catching expert, often leaving little presents for Ma and Pa Sip. Perhaps he could lend some advice to Sylvester and together they could eradicate the bird population.

Joffrey Baratheon – Game of Thrones

I’m sure it’s eventually coming, but I can’t wait to see this little brat get knocked down a few thousand pegs. Hell, throw in his mother and grandfather and let them all get treated to some revenge best served cold. It will be a complete pleasure to see this little psychopath meet his maker. The only question is, who will be the one to get to him? There’s already a long and growing list of potential vindicators!

JoffreyBaratheonPracticeTarget

Wrestling Heel – All Promotions

The history of professional wrestling has been filled with dastardly bad guys, who cheat and coward their way to the top. All you want to see is them get locked in a steel cage and get their ass handed to them on a silver platter, courtesy of the heroic good guy who just can’t take the injustice anymore. Some of the best in history include Triple H, Ric Flair, Edge, Ted DiBiase, and even WWE chairman Vince McMahon.

Brad Marchand – Boston Bruins

While I don’t wish anything bad on most hockey players, there is one I wouldn’t mind hearing had post-concussion issues and that is the reigning rat king of the NHL, Brad Marchand. He is a talented player, but he’s also dirty and much like the rest of his team, gets away with more than most players are able to. The way he repeatedly punched Daniel Sedin during the 2011 Stanley Cup Finals – and got away with it – was disgusting.

Brad Marchand

The Governor – The Walking Dead

While The Governor has suffered his own share of tragedy, much like the rest of the survivors in AMC’s Zombie infested world, his sneaky, vile behavior begs that he receives even more misfortune. And you can bet Rick and company will deliver. All we have to do is wait for Season 4 to kick-off and revenge plans should be in motion. Sadly, The Governor’s remaining troops might eliminate a few more of the good guys before it’s all said and done.

Nurse Ratched – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

This evil woman is the domineering presence reigning over the mental institution in which Randle McMurphy finds himself sent to. Nurse Ratched is responsible for the lobotomy of McMurphy, which renders him useless, after he continued to defy her authority despite shock therapy and other punishments. Granted McMurphy nearly choked Ratched to death (after she caused the suicide of a young, frightened patient) and caused her injury to her neck and vocal cord, but she never truly faces retribution for her abuse of power and patients.

Drink #210: Bloody Roadrunner

Bloody Roadrunner Drink Recipe

  • 1.5 oz Southern Comfort
  • Top with half Sports Drink and half Fruit Punch
  • Garnish with Raspberries

Unfortunately, we may never see some of these people get their comeuppance. We are allowed to dream, however, and dream we shall!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is a tasty cocktail, but could use something in the form of bubbles to give it a little more zest. Otherwise, it goes down a little too easy like juice or iced tea.

Advertisements

April 9 – Toucan

Angry Advisor

Let’s see: coffee drinkers… check; religious zealots… check; birds… hmmm, haven’t ranted on that yet!

I hate birds. Just downright don’t like them. All they do is poop on people… I should know, their bombs have struck me twice in my life and that’s something you just don’t forget.

Kittypult

Not to mention Mrs. Sip and I currently have a bird infestation on the balcony of our place. When we first moved in, a bird had made a nest on the ground of the balcony and we had a baby pigeon. Not realizing what a mess that would turn out to be, we named it Baby Buster and then ignored the problem for several months. Before we knew it, our balcony became a shelter for the stupid creatures who completely ignored the wooden owl that’s supposed to scare them away. And once again an owl has failed me.

Now, it looks like a war zone of bird crap out there. So much so, that we are afraid to open that sliding door, even on the hottest summer days, fearing that we could be breathing in toxins from these vermin. Stupid birds.

Even birds seem to hate other birds. They seem to fight more than warring homeless people.

gothandhippiebirds

And it’s not just real birds that piss me off. Animated ones draw my ire, too. Tweety: stupid and annoying. The Roadrunner: stupid and annoying. Woody Woodpecker: stupid and annoying. Sorry about that, the adjective generator in my brain was overloaded the other day and the repair guys are supposed to show up sometime between 9am and 5pm today.

To be fair, I respect the poke playing hawks in the new Old Spice deodorant commercial, but that’s only because I fear them as well. Ducks (Donald, Scrooge, Daffy) and penguins (Opus, Chilly Willy, Wheezy) get a pass because they entertain me. And surprisingly, I do love me some Angry Birds (there’s something so satisfying seeing birds get launched into objects and the resulting mass destruction!).

I cheer when Peter Griffin fights the giant angry chicken. I cry every time Tweety and The Roadrunner get the better of Sylvester J. Pussycat and Wile E. Coyote, respectively, and my blood pressure rises every time I’m woken up by the cooing of a filthy bird on my balcony.

In closing, I am taking steps forward in organizing the Anti-Bird Movement (apparently I’m not alone). Our offices will be located in the Swiss Alps, so high in altitude that birds cannot find us and therefore we need not worry about their poop, their weird birdy noises, or their ability to steal French fries. While this drink may have been enjoyable, I’m feel great shame and sadness every time I make a drink that is bird-related. On the plus side, once you slam this cocktail, that’s one less feathered fiend in existence.

Drink #99: Toucan

Toucan Martini Cocktail

  • 1 oz Malibu Rum
  • 1 oz Peach Schnapps
  • Top with half Orange Juice and half Lemon-Lime Soda
  • Garnish with an Orange Slice covered in Coconut Shavings

Tomorrow marks our 100th post here at The Sip Advisor. I hope you’ll join us, as we look back at the first 100 days of this drinking challenge, through wild recipes, insane garnishes and wonderful time spent together.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I may be guilty of kind of screwing this one up. Despite using Orange Juice, I was surprised to see how clear the drink was. After photos and drinking, I realized that I forgot to shake the OJ and that was why it was so clear. It still tasted decent, so I guess the essence of Orange Juice is good for something.