I know I’m going to catch a fair bit of flak for this, but I absolutely hate coffee. To me, it’s a vile substance. Here’s a quick list of items I would rather drink:
- Laundry detergent
- The blue dye they use in tampon commercials… after it’s been used in a tampon commercial
- Major city puddle water
- A turkey milkshake
You get the point, I have an anti-coffee agenda…
I like to note the different types of coffee drinkers and have taken time to observe them at the office in which I work. The first is the repeat offender. These are the coffee drinkers who I am unsure if they really love drinking the tasteless muck so much or if they have just made some higher sacrifice in order to enjoy the additional breaks that seem to come along with “quick” coffee runs… about 10 times per day. It’s like how people used to smoke just to get more break time. Repeat offenders are the coffee drinkers, who somehow can’t manage the 15 or so steps that it would take them to come to the front desk and pick up their faxes, but have no problem breezing by that same front desk multiple times a day in order to get their precious java. They will be the first to suggest going on a “Starbucks run” for fellow co-workers. You know who I’m talking about!
Then there is the junkie coffee drinker. The ones that might as well be intravenously connected to a coffee drip 24/7. These are the folks that CAN’T LIVE without a coffee by their side every moment of the day. The true addict. The other day, I overheard one co-worker remark that Starbucks should make deliveries. While she might make a valid point and it may be a concept the company has or will experiment with, you have to realize that the nearest Starbucks to my office is on the opposite corner of the block we’re located on. You’re telling me that you can’t walk less than a block for your hourly fix, just to get you through the day!? I realize this could potentially cause a brief delay between re-fills. Re-friggin’-diculous!
Finally, there is the only-on-a-date coffee drinker. The guy who hates the substance about as much as I do, but gets convinced that he has to take a new date out to coffee and ‘get to know her’ before she’ll finally get into bed with him. Where this poor sap really gets screwed over (and I don’t mean in the bed) is that he’ll likely have to buy BOTH drinks… and still not get laid!
Personally, I don’t even like being in Starbucks. I just feel uncomfortable, as if I don’t belong… and everyone there knows it. And I probably don’t. The most complicated thing I’ve ever ordered in the store is a hot chocolate. I can’t imagine having to memorize some bizarre order like a tall, non-fat, chai tea latte, easy on the chai (okay I’ve memorized that one because it’s Mrs. Sip Advisor’s order) or other bizarre orders: “I’ll have one permanent dump truck, tears from a newborn baby, easy on the gravel, with a sprinkle of cinnamon (okay, I might have made that one up… I’m pretty sure it would just translate into “one regular coffee, please”)!
I have only had one coffee drink in my life. It was on our honeymoon cruise and our waiter – who didn’t speak the best English – was so excited in describing the 2-for-1 Irish Coffee deal that before we could even decline, he had run off to put in an order. Our drinks arrived and while the presentation was cool, with a flaming sugar cube added to the mix, it still tasted like death in a cup to me. Not even alcohol could save this colossal failure. We still gulped down our bevvies, as we had paid for them, and for the rest of the night I couldn’t get the taste of yuck out of my mouth, no matter how hard I tried to drown it with other spirits.
So, I bet you’re asking what I do drink to get me through the day: water. Nothing but pure, delicious water. And then when I get home, it’s more water (that and booze and mixers for this project… and booze also not for this project). It’s just how I roll.
All that said, you may be shocked to know that I do give liqueurs like Kahlua a pass… and speak of the devil.
Drink #23: Brave Bull
- 1.5 oz Tequila (I used 1800 Añejo)
- 1 oz Kahlua
- Garnish with a Lemon Twist
This is the fun of Tequila Week, as I get to try drinks I normally wouldn’t. Diamonds in the rough that perhaps most people haven’t heard about. I actually quite enjoyed this one, despite it’s coffee liqueur. I also want to point out that this was my first attempt at making a lemon twist (or any twist other than the Beatles “Twist and Shout”) and I think I did a pretty good job (not that you can see it from the photo, you’ll just have to take my word for it). If you make this drink for yourself, let me know what you thought. Non-coffee drinkers only!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This was actually a pretty decent cocktail, despite my anti-coffee stance. It provided my first attempt at a “twist” garnish and while it looks okay, it’s a skill I will have to improve at. While I wouldn’t drink these on a regular basis, from time to time, they might hit the spot.