December 12 – Candy Cane

12 Days of Christmas

While the Sip Advisor is doubling the efforts of everyone out there and offering 25 days of Christmas rather than a paltry 12, one would have to admit that the damn 12 Days of Christmas song can really get stuck in your head. Upon reviewing the lyrics, I’ve decided to give each item listed in the tune a patron saint. So, let’s warm up our vocal chords and run the gauntlet!

12 Drummers Drumming – Animal from The Muppets

One of my favourite percussion artists of all-time and star of The Electric Mayhem (perhaps the greatest band name in the history of music!), Animal knows how to work the skins and cymbals. His trademark wild behaviour makes him a perfect addition to this menagerie of fascinating characters.

animal drums

11 Pipers Piping – ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper

One of professional wrestling’s best bad guys, Roddy Piper knew how to ignite hatred within fans. He was the perfect mix of cocky, dastardly, and vicious, earning his way into the hearts of millions of fans worldwide.

10 Lords-a-Leaping – Michael Flatley

Whatever happened to this guy? He was the Lord of the Dance… and surely that included much leaping. Apaprently, Flatley is living the good life in Beverly Hills, probably creeping on all the 90210 teenagers and throwing around his millions of dollars.

9 Ladies Dancing – Jennifer Grey

You should never put Baby in a corner and I refuse to do so, as well. One would hope that if Jennifer Grey accepted this honourable position, that she’d bring the spirit of Patrick Swayze along with her and they could perform their hit numbers from Dirty Dancing.

dirty dancing

8 Maids-a-Milking – The Octomom

You’d have to assume that the poor woman went through sheer agony over having to breast feed all eight of her newborns. Let’s just hope her jugs didn’t end up looking as disgusting as her pregnant alien-like belly did.

7 Swans-a-Swimming – Michael Phelps

I briefly considered Natalie Portman for this position, based on her role in Black Swan, but there are other positions I’d rather have her fill! Instead, Michael Phelps gets the part thanks to being the greatest swimmer this world has ever seen. 22 Olympic medals don’t lie, folks.

6 Geese-a-Laying – Anthony Edwards

While I hope to never see Anthony Edwards actually lay an egg, he gets the nod in this category as a result of playing Nick “Goose” Bradshaw in the 1986 classic, Top Gun. He was Tom Cruise’s greatest inspiration before Scientology rolled around and brainwashed the star.

duck-duck-goose-topgun

5 Gold Rings – Mr. T

Thanks to all the jewelry Mr. T is usually rocking, he’d be perfect for this role. And why can Mr. T get away with wearing so many valuable? Because no one would ever mess with the guy. Even at the age of 61, I know for a fact that he would kick my ass… that’s not saying much, but you have to credit the guy for still being a BA badass.

4 Colly Birds – Paul McCartney

I didn’t even know what a colly bird was and apparently it’s nothing exciting. It’s a common blackbird (that’s what they’re actually called) and so I add sainthood to sir Paul McCartney’s long list of accolades. He wrote the Beatles classic Blackbird and seems to understand the fowl best.

3 French Hens – Brigitte Bardot

This broad was quite the looker in her younger days. At age 79, Bardot seems to have gone a little nutty, but it’s hard to tell as that seems to be a typical personality trait for the French. Still, anyone who posed for Playboy to celebrate their own 40th birthday is rockin’ it in my books.

brigitte_bardot

Where the hell is that phone hooked up???

2 Turtle Doves – Turtle from Entourage

Wait, a turtle dove is a bird… what the hell? Half of this song is about gifts of birds… I don’t want any damn birds. I’m trying to rid the world of these vermin. I still pick Turtle because he’ll at least bring a party atmosphere to the organization.

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree – Danny Bonaduce

Surely, with all the drugs and crazy antics Danny Bonaduce has gotten up to in his life, the former Partridge Family child star has awoken to find himself nestled in a pear tree on at least one occasion. Rock on, you crazy ginger!

Drink #346: Candy Cane

Candy Cane Drink Recipe

  • Rim glass with Crushed Peppermint
  • 0.75 Peppermint Schnapps
  • 0.75 Vodka
  • 0.75 Crème de Cacao
  • Dash of Grenadine
  • Top with Milk
  • Splash of Club Soda
  • Garnish with a Candy Cane

Do you have any issues with my patron saint selections? I’m willing to listen to ideas for other candidates and if you sway me with a sound argument, I just may give you some credit. Ready, set, go!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I liked this martini, despite how much of a pain it is to produce Crushed Candy Cane bits for the rim. I made quite the mess putting that element together. The drink completely tasted like a Candy Cane and was quite enjoyable.

Advertisements

August 14 – Death by Chocolate

Culinary Scene Investigation

I think most people out there are lovers of food and a lot of pleasure can be gained through culinary delights. That said, that which sustains us can also kill (and I’m not even talking about the world of foodborne illness outbreaks, such as E. coli, salmonella or food poisoning). Here are some of the more interesting deaths by eats:

Chocolate Chaos

This has has to be one of the better ways to go, but it’s tragic nonetheless. Vincent Smith, Jr., an employee at the Lyons and Sons Chocolate Factory in Pennsylvania fell into a vat of boiling chocolate and then met his end courtesy of one of the mixing propellers. Augustus Gloop would be so proud! Perhaps most ironic is that this incident led to the discovery that the chocolate company did not have proper licensing in place and was distributing its products illegally.

death-by-chocolate

Fugu Follies

I like to consider myself immune to poison (don’t we all), but this guy took it a little too far, challenging the limitations of the human body. Acclaimed Kabuki (that’s Kabuki, not bukkake) actor Bandō Mitsugorō VIII perished in 1975 after demanding four fugu liver orders. He insisted that he was impervious to the pufferfish’s poison, but turns out, not so much. He died after seven hours of paralysis and convulsions. Fugu was featured in The Simpsons episode One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish.

Molasses Mania

The saying “slow as molasses” took a different turn during Boston’s 1919 Molasses Disaster (I’m surprised it hasn’t been made into a summer blockbuster movie yet). The usually slow-moving syrup killed 21 and injured 150 when a tank holding 2 million gallons of the substance exploded. The great ball of molasses death was estimated to have been travelling upwards of 35 miles per hour.

Hot Dogs for Haiti

Poor Noah Akers… the 12-year-old died after choking on a wiener during a hot dog eating competition that was supposed to benefit victims of the 2010 Haiti earthquake. This is precisely why I advise people not to do any charitable work. What’s even more bizarre is that the organizers, The Boys and Girls Club, chose to hold an eating competition to raise money for people that desperately needed food supplies.

hot dogs

Banquet Blunder

King Adolf Frederick of Sweden ate himself to death, following a feast that included caviar, smoked herring, lobster, kippers, sauerkraut, champagne, and 14 servings of dessert (and here I feel like a glutton after two small cookies!). I guess if you’re going to leave this world, you might as well have one hell of a last meal. His has a lasting legacy, which can’t be said for other monarchs.

Carrot Juice Conundrum

Basil Brown, one of those crazy health nuts, died in 1974, at the age of 48, after ingesting 10 gallons of carrot juice over a 10-day span. That doesn’t sound too bad (actually it sounds horrible) until you realize that’s 10,000 times the recommended daily dose of vitamin A. I’m not sure what point ol’ Basil was trying to make by downing so much carrot juice. Perhaps he was trying to find a decent carrot juice cocktail, with no luck.

Cola Killer

Natasha Harris, a 30-year-old mother of eight died of a heart attack in New Zealand in 2010. After dying at such a young age, an inquiry took place and it was discovered that Harris drank upwards of two gallons of soda each day (hopefully some was used for rum and cokes!), ingesting two pounds of sugar and 970 milligrams of caffeine. Without pop, Harris suffered withdrawal-like symptoms. She also ate poorly and smoked heavily, all of which contributed to her early demise.

coca-cola

Buggy Blues

Edward Archbold entered a bug eating contest in West Palm Beach, Florida, hoping to win the free python grand prize. Archbold won the competition after consuming a quantity of meal worms, horn worms, and roaches, before he began vomiting and collapsed. The 32-year-old died of “asphyxia due to choking and aspiration of gastric contents”. All the man wanted was a python… wait, why would anyone want a python!?

Water Boarding

In yet another contest gone wrong, Jennifer Strange died of water intoxication after drinking a hefty amount of the liquid, trying to win a Nintendo Wii video game console. The competition, held by a Sacramento, California radio station had volunteers drink the H20 and then try to not pee (Hold Your Wee for a Wii) for the longest amount of time. Strange’s family sued for wrongful death and were rewarded over $16 million in damages. Oddly, Strange was found to have not contributed to her own death, but then who drank all that water trying to win a Wii?

Drink #226: Death by Chocolate

Death by Chocolate

  • 1 oz Irish Crème
  • 0.5 oz Crème de Cacao
  • 0.5 oz Vodka (I used Absolut Raspberri)
  • 1 Scoop of Chocolate Ice Cream (I used Wunderbar)
  • Blend with Ice
  • Garnish with Chocolate Syrup, Peanut Butter Cup Chunks, and Graham Cracker Crumbs

I personally would prefer to die in a potato chip-related asphyxiation incident. At least that way, I’d be going out with some style and while enjoying one of my favourite treats. How would you preferably spend your end of days?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I took the Death by Chocolate recipe and adapted it to suit the ingredients I had and wanted to use. I wanted to call it orgasm by chocolate, an homage to chocolate-obsessed women everywhere, but we went with this moniker instead.

August 4 – Water of Life

Ready for a Dip

Mrs. Sip and I are away this weekend at a remote lodge in the Indian Arm region of British Columbia. This is thanks to our wonderful friends who own a boat and help us get off the grid and away from all that nasty technology out there (this supercalifragilisticexpialidocious site not included). This is our second year up at the Royal Vancouver Yacht Club owned Wigwam outpost and it is quickly becoming one of my favourite watery getaways. Here are some of my other preferred bodies of water.

Ma and Pa Sip’s Pool

The site of many legendary parties, this iconic oasis rivals the reputation of the Playboy Mansion Grotto. I have spent countless hours floating around this little slice of heaven with friends and family, downing copious amounts of Sweet Lady Liquor’s elixir. Apparently, the parents Sip are putting together plans for a future hot tub, which means the epic merrymaking will only get wilder!

pool party

Rivers of America

It’s hard to narrow down my favourite Disneyland water way, but I’d have to give the nod to the Rivers of America at Disneyland, which connects Frontierland to New Orleans Square (my preferred park realm) and finally Critter Country. You can travel the waters via either the Mark Twain Steamboat or the Columbia Sailing Ship and the Rivers of America provide the perfect setting for the wondrous attraction Fantasmic.

Great Barrier Reef

A must-see for travelers to Australia, as this wonder of the world won’t be around forever. Mrs. Sip and I journeyed into the pristine waters of the Great Barrier Reef, where I enjoyed my first ever scuba diving experience. We later spent a couple hours snorkeling in the warm water, searching out beautiful and unique sea life many eyes will never see.

Ik-Kil Cenote

A cenote is a sinkhole that reveals groundwater underneath… you could think of it as nature’s swimming pool! Mrs. Sip and I, along with members of the Sip Alliance, ventured to Ik-Kil (outside Cancun, Mexico) and climbed deep into the earth to have a little dip. You could even jump off of a high platform into the luke-warm H2O. You know by now that heights, risks, and water are one of the Sip Advisor’s favourite trifectas!

Cenote

Ontario Cottage Country

My trips to Cottage Country, outside Toronto, Ontario were always full of fun and relaxation. I managed to get up there three times, thanks to a buddy whose parents owned a place there. Perhaps one of my favourite elements of the area was that to visit your neighbours – who all looked after each other like a good community should – you had to travel by boat, which added a little adventure to the otherwise laid back weekends.

Panama Canal

For our honeymoon, Mrs. Sip and I traversed the Panama Canal route, embarking from Vancouver, B.C. and finishing in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. It was a wonderful journey, highlighted by numerous days at sea, where we could drink like fish on our balcony and enjoy all of the ship’s amenities. Our port stops along the voyage were also quite memorable, as we dined on local food and drink, while getting our culture on.

just-wait-for-the-honeymoon

Venice Canals

If you’re a fan of mazes, like I am, then Venice is the perfect place for you. It’s fun getting lost among the narrow alleys and bridges that connect Venice’s endless number of islands. Riding the gondolas the city is famous for is a must-do tourist trap, just to say you’ve done it. On our gondola jaunt, Mrs. Sip and I became a tourist attraction, following the urban legend that you should kiss under each bridge for good luck. Soon enough, folks were snapping pictures of us!

Indian Arm

Let’s come full circle and talk a little bit about our Indian Arm experience. Getting away from all the trappings of technology was amazing, especially since our first trip there was less than a month before our wedding and we were thankfully forced to relax and do absolutely no planning in this trading post, turned saloon/gambling hall, turned brothel, turned yacht club clubhouse (yeah, a natural progression, I know). We simply wasted the days away, with good friends, food, and drink. I even managed some exercise in the form of kayaking and some late night balcony drinking, which all you little sippers know is among my beloved activities!

Drink #216: Water of Life

Aug 4

  • 1.5 oz Blue Curacao
  • 1.5 oz Vodka (I used Absolut Raspberri)
  • Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
  • Garnish with Fish Candies

What are some great bodies of water that I’ve neglected? Perhaps you’ll steer Mrs. Sip and I towards a future travel destination if it’s an attraction we haven’t visited yet!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I drastically changed the advertised amount of Blue Curacao needed for the drink because it seemed way out of proportion and there was no mixer in sight. With my modifications, the drink was delicious and looked great thanks to my idea to use Fish Candies on top of each layer of ice. Perhaps my head isn’t as cavernous as first thought!