Category Archives: Martini Recipes

October 15 – Subway Rumbles

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Transit Troubles

Recently, the Sip Advisor received a little promotion at work (mild-mannered desk jockey by day, notorious boozehound by night), which required the move to a new office. I went from a five-minute walk to work to a half hour transit trip and I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I hate taking public transit with all the other weirdoes (like Mrs. Sip!). These are the things I deplore most about commuting:

Public Transport Complaints

Well, SpongeBob, I’m going to try anyway!

People who don’t clear a path for exiting passengers

I won’t hesitate to throw a shoulder tackle or roaring elbow at anyone, male or female, who blocks my path from exiting a vehicle. I’ve always operated that when you are boarding a vessel, you stand to the side and let people exit before rushing on. That doesn’t seem to happen anymore and I sadly get off at a very busy station when people will feel my wrath.

Cars that fill up and you can’t get out at your stop

As if the tension of exiting a vehicle into a crowd wasn’t bad enough, some days it’s a struggle to even get to the exit at all. People don’t seem to respond to me saying excuse me, which I have to start to do before the train has even come to a full stop. Wading my way through the unintelligent humanity is often difficult and my reward is to be greeted by more as the doors open.

Metrosexual

People who have loud, annoying conversations

Young people today (now that I’ve hit 30 and ‘old age’, I can really bash the younger generations) don’t seem to have a buffer between their brains and their mouths. They’re sharing the intimate details of their life for the world to hear, as they yap loudly into phones and to their travelling buddies. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a little too much information.

People who listen to their music at ear-blistering levels

I hate most people’s choice in music, but if they keep it to themselves, we have no issue. Unfortunately, there are those commuters that think their artist selection abilities are so epicly awesome they feel the need to share their tunes with every single person they encounter. The volume will only go up as they continue to erode their hearing with the horribly brash music.

Public Transport Spooning

People who smell awful

There are some funky-smelling people riding public transport! Luckily I only have to go two stops on my more constricted form of transportation. You can’t really blame someone who’s been out working all day for their body odor, but there are ways of masking that. If you don’t have time to put on some deodorant before rushing home, at least hang a couple air fresheners from yourself.

Delays due to incidents

I have my route to work perfectly timed. Unfortunately, all the nut cases out there in transit land seem to want to work against me and cause issues that delay my trips to the office. Unfortunately, you never really know the status of your commute until you board the system and then, you’re taking your life into your own hands with all the concerns I outlined above.

Drink #288: Subway Rumbles

Subway Rumbles Cocktail

  • 1 oz Scotch (I used Glenfiddich)
  • 1 oz Gin
  • Splash of Lemon Juice
  • Splash of Grenadine
  • Dash of Egg Whites
  • Dash of Peychaud’s Bitters
  • Garnish with Orange Zest

October was a good month to do this post in because public transit can be more nightmarish than a haunted house. Tell me your worst commuter stories below… come on, vent a little!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I was surprised with how much I enjoyed this cocktail. The Scotch adds a strong finish to each sip, but not so strong that you don’t like the drink. The other flavours all come together quite nicely and the drink is neither too bitter nor too sweet. It falls right in the middle for a great recipe.

October 11 – T&A Integration

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Wardrobe Malfunctions

Who doesn’t love a good nipple slip? How about a crotch shot? Some butt cleavage? Whale tale? With cameras everywhere nowadays, celebrities (and even us normal folk) must always be vigilant with our wardrobe. Here are some of the most famous clothing malfunctions:

Rob Schneider Wardrobe Malfunction

Janet Jackson

This is the exposure that started the whole concept. During Jackson’s Super Bowl half-time show, featuring Justin Timberlake, Timberlake went to Jackson to pull something off her outfit only to reveal one of Jackson’s breasts. The incident was dubbed everything from Boobgate to Nipplegate and led to censorship crackdowns, fines and lawsuits. While it was the cause of a national outcry in the United States, here in Canada, apparently only about 50 people complained. I guess we just appreciate titties more!

Britney Spears

The former pop princess showed the entire world how dangerous it is to get out of a vehicle when you’re going commando. Of course, this all occurred around the time questions about Spears mental state were swirling wildly. I don’t blame her for going a little Looney Tunes. I’m a mild celebrity compared to her and I feel the daily pressure and grind to perform for all my little sippers out there. Don’t worry folks, my crotch shot controversy and baby mama dramas are coming down the pipeline!

Wardrobe Malfunction Cat

Wrestling Divas/Knockouts

It is a common occurrence in professional wrestling to get a brief peek at women’s naughty bits; especially given they’re rolling around and getting all physical with each other in the skimpiest of outfits. Some have gone so far as to accuse the promotions of making these incidents not-so-accidental. Whatever the reason they occur, us fans are thankful… it is, after all, the only reason worth watching most female battles… kind of like watching NASCAR and waiting for a crash!

Mrs. Sip

Near tragedy (or pleasure in this case) almost occurred while Mrs. Sip and I were touring Egypt. During a dinner and party, in which all us travelers had to dress in traditional Egyptian garb, Mrs. Sip was selected to join some dancers. She had previously done some belly dancing, so she was open to the opportunity. Problem was, she was wearing a top (that already didn’t leave much to the imagination) that was originally too loose, so she altered it. Moments into her dance, POP goes the weasel and Mrs. Sip has to cover up, hoping nobody caught a glimpse!

Drink #284: T&A Integration

T&A Integration Drink Recipe

  • Rim glass with Strawberry Candy Powder
  • 1.5 oz Gin (I used Bombay Sapphire East)
  • Top with half Fruitopia Strawberry and half Lemon-Lime Soda
  • Splash of Lemon Juice
  • Garnish with Lemon Zest

I love how wardrobe malfunctions have been defined by various sources. Wikipedia states: “A wardrobe malfunction is accidental exposure of intimate parts.” The American Dialect Society defines the mishaps as: “An unanticipated exposure of bodily parts.” Chambers Dictionary lists the term as: “The temporary failure of an item of clothing to do its job in covering a part of the body that it would be advisable to keep covered.” Finally, the Sip Advisor describes it as: “Absolutely wonderful and often hilarious.” We’re all right!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This was a very good martini and I have to give a huge shout out to the folks at McDonald’s for carrying the Fruitopia Strawberry mixer as part of their drink station. The Lemon Juice and Lemon-Lime Soda add a nice bite to the subtle Strawberry pop. A tasty treat, indeed!

October 9 – Colony Club Martini

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Come Together

There are some common names for groups of animals – colony, herd, troop, swarm – but I’ll be looking at some of the more unique collections. I don’t know where they come up with some of this stuff, but I’m happy to enjoy it and share it with all you little sippers!

Grumble of Pugs – Could they have come up with anything cuter?

pugs-grumble

Pack of Wolves – I’m a one-man wolf pack myself,

Flamboyance of Flamingos – No surprise here, the pink birds like to make a show of themselves when gathered.

Scurry of Squirrels – Gotta love these frantic little guys. My cat might not, but I do.

Train of Camels – Pa Sip just fell in love with the camel for the first time!

School of Fish – With a dwindling population, clearly they’re not learning very much.

Gaggle of Geese – I’m not quite sure what a gaggle is, but I don’t think I want any part of it.

Murder of Crows – So sinister and why shouldn’t they be… disease-carrying, noise-making ravages of society.

Crows Attempted Murder

Array of Hedgehogs – The chocolate variety!?

Crash of Rhinos – That’s exactly what they’ll do if you piss them off enough!

Congregation of Alligators – They make it sound so official when they meet up for their alligator symposiums.

Cloud of Bats – I’ll never forget the bats that dominated the skies in Bali, Indonesia… they’d make the caped crusader so very proud!

Gang of Buffalo – Complete with Tommy guns and pin-striped suits!

Flight of Butterflies – Isn’t it more of a flutter?

Sleuth of Bears – Does this make them all detectives!?

Sleuth of Bears

Destruction of Wild Cats – Hell, any feline can be relatively destructive. I think this fits for their whole species.

Barrel of Monkeys – Makes me want to go back and play the children’s game.

Brood of Chickens – So, chickens are vampires now?

Pandemonium of Parrots – What have parrots ever done to deserve such a wicked group name!?

Convocation of Eagles – I know the eagle is supposed to be a noble bird, but I don’t think they’ve done enough education to graduate.

Business of Ferrets – That’s one business I’d like to invest in.

Army of Frogs – Here come those plagues!

Frog Army

“We attack tomorrow at dawn!”

Tower of Giraffes – Sure, rub it in our faces that you’re taller than all us plebeians!

Bloat of Hippos – Taking pot shots at a hippo’s weight is sooooooo not cool.

Cackle of Hyenas – This probably makes them laugh more than it makes us laugh.

Mess of Iguanas – Only if they’ve been run over by cars on the highway.

Pride of Lions – One must look up to the noble, dominant lion… especially Simba!

Mischief of Mice – Mice get up to all sorts of trouble… just look at the likes of Jerry, Speedy Gonzales, and Mickey.

mice mischief

Scourge of Mosquitos – How fitting, as they are, in fact, the scourge of the earth!

Parliament of Owls – Totally makes sense, as owls are in fact unintelligent and parliament is where politicians get their “work” done and are equally as useless.

Unkindness of Ravens – Why do all the coolest names go to the birds!?

Bed of Snakes – This is the stuff of nightmares, my little sippers…

Cluster of Spiders – See above (Mrs. Sip would think this, at least).

Ambush of Tigers – No, they just want to play… that red stuff is just juice!

Drink #282: Colony Club Martini

Colony Club Martini Drink Recipe

  • 2 oz Gin (I used Bombay Sapphire East)
  • 1 tsp Absinthe
  • Dashes of Orange Bitters
  • Garnish with Lemon Twist

Did I miss any groups of animals that should have been acknowledged? I’m thinking not, but I’m always open to other suggestions.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2 Sips out of 5):
This was a very strong bitter cocktail. The strong, I can handle. The bitter… eh, not so much. No matter how much I tried to sweeten the drink with the Orange Bitters (I know, you can’t really sweeten a drink with a ‘bitters’ product) and even some Lemon Juice from the Twist, it just wasn’t happening.

October 8 – Mudslide

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Ready-Made

Personally, I’m not a fan of ready-made booze products. But it’s a topic I feel should be discussed and what better time to do it than while we enjoy a fresh serving of one of the more popular bottled options, the Mudslide. Here are some other pre-mixed selections available on the market:

Mudslide – Packaged by the folks at Kahlua (among other companies), this is one concoction that I’ve actually tried and I remember (stop laughing… I do have some brain cells left) enjoying. Of course, this was years before I got into mixology and I don’t think I’d try this type of product nowadays.

Kahlua Mudslide

Caesar – There’s been quite the market the last few years for ready-made Caesars and while it’s nice to have such a complicated recipe simplified in bottle form, I think the Caesar truly shines when you put all those intricate ingredients together yourself.

Cola Mixes – This can be done with rum, whiskey, bourbon, etc. with companies such as Bacardi, Malibu, Bulleit, Jim Beam, and Jack Daniel’s flooding the market. Broski Sip and I did find ourselves enjoying Jack Daniel’s Hard Cola on one vacation, but that was many moons before I became the Sip Advisor you worship today… I’m a bit of a booze snob now. Most of these liquor companies also offer their spirit mixed with ginger ale for the anti-cola drinker.

Gin & Tonic – G&T’s are so easy to make, it amazes me that anyone would need it to be pre-mixed and bottled for them, but the world has become incredibly lazy. Gordon’s is one prominent company that has jumped aboard the ‘ready-to-drink’ train. Smirnoff also offers a vodka tonic mix.Gordon's G&T

Cosmopolitan – I guess you could still pour your Cosmo bottle into a martini glass, but I think all of the class and sophistication the drink is supposed to come with would be lost. The girls on Sex and the City would be so horrified!

Mojito – I strive to make a wicked Mojito and have received rave reviews. I just can’t fathom enjoying a pre-mixed version of the cocktail, so I’ll just move on.

Long Island Iced Tea – I am a fan of the pre-mixed Long Island Iced Tea spirit, combining vodka, gin, rum, and triple sec in one fell swoop, but I don’t think I’d like a pre-bottled version of the drink, eliminating the chance for me to play with different mixers.

Long Island Iced Tea Box

Long Island Iced Tea in a box!?!? Oh, shizzle, where do I sign up!

Dark N’ Stormy – Made by the Bundaberg Rum company, I only wonder if they got clearance from the Gosling’s folks to bottle this drink, since Gosling’s claims a copyright on the Dark N’ Stormy recipe and will fight bartenders who use it sans Gosling’s Rum.

Daiquiri/Margarita – I’ve seen these offerings in a wide array of flavours, from lime to strawberry to mango and everything in between. I’m a huge fan of the legitimate versions of these drinks and am curious to try the pre-mixed style, but also a little cautious, as well.

Pina Colada – We finish with the Pina Colada, which troubles me a little because I think the drink is best received in frozen form. I guess you could add it to shaved ice, much like a snow cone, but given we are mired in the onset of winter, I can’t even think about summer drinks at the moment.

Drink #281: Mudslide

Mudslide Drink Recipe

  • 1 oz Tequila (I used Hornitos)
  • 0.5 oz Kahlua
  • 0.5 oz Chocolate Liqueur
  • 0.5 oz Irish Crème
  • Top with Chocolate Milk
  • Garnish with Peanut Butter Cup

It seems that all of your popular cocktails have been released in pre-mix form. That’s capitalism for you, I suppose. If this is how you prefer to get your swerve on, I don’t hate you… I just don’t like you very much!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
There are a variety of Mudslide recipes in existence. The ingredients I used are an amalgamation of those offerings. The Tequila stood out a little stronger than I would have liked, but otherwise, the cocktail was passable.

October 4 – Campfire Martini

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It Ain’t So Bad

Now that we’ve nestled into the cooler months of the year, it’s nice to bring out a drink like this and reminisce about the summer gone by. Fall and winter aren’t all that bad, though. You just have to find ways to deal with the change. Here are my favourite ways to spend the “indoor” months!:

Get Caught Up on TV

Gone are the days of playing outdoors, but that’s not necessarily a horrible thing. Now we get to snuggle up under warm blankies and watch all the TV we neglected over the summer. Mrs. Sip and I have so many shows, past and present, to get up to speed on. Among them: Sons of Anarchy and Venture Bros. Plus, there’s also all the returning shows that we watch regularly: Walking Dead, Community, Big Bang Theory, Parks and Rec, etc.

Homer Watching TV

Movie Marathon

In a similar vein to our TV habits, movie marathons are much easier to do without the sun enticing you to come outside and play. There were some pretty good flicks that came out over the summer that should be released to homes soon and there’s a lot of stuff to get caught up on from the past that you hear about over time. At least in my own theatre, I can eat all the potato chips I want and can suppress the enjoyment of popcorn.

Vacation to Tropical Locales

I don’t fully understand the need to go on vacation during your own summer. Why would you leave your home when it finally gets to the point where it’s worth living in? I like to save my vacation time for when the weather is garbage (raining buckets or freezing you to the core) and getting the eff out of dodge. Nothing can fend off those winter blues better than leaving winter far behind, in favour of sunny beaches, warm breezes, and poolside bars, if you can throw that in, too!

Tropical Vacation Photos

Winter Sports

From a simple ice skating session to more extraneous activities like skiing, snowboarding, and hockey, there’s much to do in the darker half of the year. I find the winter is a perfect time to mold your body back into shape as the desire to be anywhere other than the gym is lessened. If you’re a weightlifter, as I often purport to be, you’re also not sweating buckets in a stuffy gym, thanks to the cooler temperatures.

Picnic by the Fire

A favourite pastime for Mrs. Sip and I is to grab enough food for a King’s feast, turn up the fireplace, and spend an evening sans electronic distractions and clothing (if I can convince the missus!). Regardless of wardrobe choices, it can provide the perfect romantic setting for catching up with your best friend, sharing a few dozen laughs (I’m a pretty funny guy, after all), and forgetting all about the bitter cold that’s brewing outside!

Drink #277: Campfire Martini

Campfire Martini Drink Recipe

  • Rim glass with Graham Cracker Crumbs
  • 1.5 oz Smores Vodka (I used Three Olives)
  • Top with Milk
  • Splash of Chocolate Syrup
  • Garnish with a Toasted Marshmallow

What’s your best strategy for fighting off old man winter? I’m always looking to learn new techniques to enhance my all-round godness!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was delicious. A wonderful dessert martini that Mrs. Sip and myself couldn’t get enough of. The Graham Cracker Crumb rim works out better than most other rims. Creating the Toasted Marshmallow without the availability of a campfire was interesting… I had to use a small candle and hope for the best!

September 29 – Negroni

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Bittersweet

There are some legendary roles that have been passed up by actors and actresses for various reasons. That probably made some of these folks pretty bitter… let’s take a look!:

Tom Selleck – Indiana Jones (Raiders of the Lost Ark)

The Magnum P.I. star and his moustache were slated to play the role of archeologist Indiana Jones, but Selleck wasn’t allowed to vacate his TV role long enough to film the movie. The role went to Harrison Ford instead and three sequels followed. Selleck has done okay since, but lost out on playing such a treasured character. At least Selleck didn’t have to suffer through the backlash The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull received.

tom-selleck-indiana-jones

Molly Ringwald – Vivian (Pretty Woman) / Molly (Ghost)

The 1980’s icon missed the boat on a couple big roles in 1990 including Vivian in Pretty Woman and Molly in Ghost, played by Julia Roberts and Demi Moore respectively. Instead, Ringwald was living and acting in France. When she returned stateside, she had parts in TV movies and series but hasn’t done anything of note since her heyday decades ago. Roberts and Moore on the other hand enjoyed strong careers after these movies.

Will Smith – Neo (The Matrix)

I am certainly not a fan of The Matrix trilogy of movies and apparently, neither was Smith. The Fresh Prince turned down the character of Neo, saying he found the script too hard to follow. Instead, Smith would go on to make Wild Wild West, a universally panned film, around the same time. Smith has also admitted that Keanu Reeves was perfect for the role, which I take to mean the character was always intended to be one-dimensional, monotone, and boring.

will smith as neo

Mel Gibson – Bruce Wayne/Batman (Batman)

With all the uproar over the selection of Ben Affleck to play Batman, it’s interesting to note actors who previously passed on the iconic role. Gibson turned down the offer for Tim Burton’s 1989 film, believing the movie would be a flop… and this is all before his high-profile meltdown. Michael Keaton, of course, stepped up to the plate and knocked it out of the park before the franchise took a downswing with Val Kilmer and George Clooney behind the mask.

Sean Connery – Gandalf (Lord of the Rings)

The former James Bond legend passed on the role of Gandalf, reasoning that he didn’t “get” fantasy (because, you know, the James Bond plots are super realistic) and instead went on to make The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, a movie that involves superheroes and is based on comics. Yup, that seems much more grounded in reality. Connery was paid $17 million for his part in the League, but it also pushed him to retire from acting. Had he accepted the Gandalf role and the offered 15% of the box office, he could have made $400 million through the trilogy!

sean-connery-gandalf

Denzel Washington – Det. David Mills (Se7en)

Denzel reportedly turned down the role later played by Brad Pitt, saying the movie was too dark. Apparently, he later regretted passing on the part, but he did alright for himself eventually, with an Oscar win for Training Day. Se7en launched Pitt into superstardom and also paired him with director David Fincher. Over the years, the two would also combine their efforts for Fight Club and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Kevin Costner – Andy Dufresne (The Shawshank Redemption)

Costner was huge in the early 90’s and his acceptance of the Andy Dufresne role would have helped him avoid the total bomb that became his Waterworld passion project. After Waterworld, it took quite some time for Costner to rid himself of the stench of failure (must have been some stinky water on that set) and some could argue he’s never fully recovered. Tim Robbins took the Andy Dufresne part and went on to enjoy a renaissance of sorts.

Drink #272: Negroni

Negroni Drink Recipe

  • 1 oz Campari
  • 1 oz Gin (I used Bombay Sapphire East)
  • 1 oz Sweet Vermouth
  • Garnish with an Orange Twist

I sincerely hope that every actor and actress whose career was launched by one of these roles originally turned down sends that person some kind of gift basket each year, thanking them for their poor judgment and decision making. Join us tomorrow for part two of this franchise!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (1.5 Sips out of 5):
I knew going into this cocktail that I wasn’t going to like it very much. I find Campari’s bitterness to be too harsh and the Sweet Vermouth wasn’t able to bring it back to a tolerable level. I’m unclear as to why this has become such a classic cocktail. I guess there are enough people out there that prefer bitter drinks.

September 22 – Happy Birthday-tini

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Sip Advisor Appreciation Day

Guess what day it is today? That’s right, it’s MY BIRTHDAY!!! *streamers and confetti fall from the roof of every person reading this post* While I have yet to perfect the streamer technology, it is the duty of every little sipper to find some way to honour yours truly. If you’re having trouble coming up with a tribute, here are some suggestions I’m more than happy to pass along!:

Do a Site Drink Challenge

To this date, we’ve made 264 drinks and it would be some feat if a fine fellow or fellowette out there tried to have each and every one of them… in one day, no less. If you don’t feel up to the challenge, you could resort to doing a Site Shot Challenge, but even in that case, you’d have to down 38 shooters. Last idea, just try all the 5-star cocktails or original recipes. Ready, set, go!

drink challenge

Donate to the Cause

If anybody actually wants to do this, whether it is in monetary form, booze supply form, or some variation of a licensing or endorsement deal, please let me know. Remember, I’m conducting this project from Canada, home to some of the worst liquor taxes in the history of the known world. Monopoly money is also a form of currency that I operate under, so feel free to make it rain for me!

Suggest a Recipe or Article Idea

With a pretty steady readership, I’m still a little surprised more people don’t write in to voice their opinion, give me crap about my opinions, or suggest drinks and topics (for all the readers who have made comments to me in person, as I’ve have previously pointed out, my short term memory isn’t what it’s used to be since I started this blog!). Here’s your impetus if you want to let your voice be heard. If you think I’m the cat’s pajamas, let me know. Mrs. Sip has this theory that I’m not as cool as I think I am, so it would be wonderful to have some empirical evidence to back up my hypothesis!

Have a Parade

Using an array of booze-themed floats, disrupt the traffic patterns of your hometown and let chaos ensue. Don’t worry about any repercussions, as it won’t be long before a conga line of sorts grows from the multitude of Sip Advisor supporters. I want this to be the alcoholic version of a Pride parade… outlandish outfits, sex toys, and just a wild party atmosphere. The only difference: lots of liquor and public intoxication (I guess that happens at Pride, too)!

funny-dog-tricks-parade

Have a Drink in My Honour

If this is how you choose to salute the Sip Man, you have to fully recite the following statement before AND after downing a shot or cocktail: “To the Sip Advisor, the greatest man on the face of the earth. May he always have a cocktail nearby and a Mrs. Sip sans clothing!” It would probably work best if you used one of my recipes, preferably an original formula, but I’m not going to tell you how to live your life!

Erect a Statue of My Likeness

I don’t care what material you use, although I am partial to macaroni art. I feel macaroni is one of the few substances that can truly project my supple curves. I don’t really have time to pose for you, so if you need a photo, just give me a shout and I’ll make sure to send one of me doing something epic like napping, playing video games, or sitting on a park bench feeding kitties.

statues funny

This would work, too!

Get Blotto and Spread the Sip Gospel

This could be summed up as “Tell a Friend” about the site. The more this online booze heaven grows, the better for all you little sippers. Like some kind of demonic monster, I feed on the energy of my loyal readers and the tears of those who just can’t handle what I’m laying down. The more I level up with experience points, the better and soon the words “global phenomenon” and The Sip Advisor will always been mentioned together. Get in on the ground floor!

Like us on Facebook

That’s right, we have advanced to the point where we are pursuing social media as a legitimate advertising tool (I’m sure we’re ahead of the curve on this!) and our little slice of the global phenomenon can be found here. All posts will show up through that page, so you’ll never miss an update ever again!

Drink #265: Happy Birthday-tini

Sept 22

  • Rim glass with Sprinkles
  • 1.5 oz Smores Vodka
  • 1.5 oz Creme de Cacao
  • 1 oz Amaretto
  • 0.5 oz Chocolate Liqueur
  • Top with Milk
  • Garnish with Sprinkles (can’t have enough!)

It’s kind of ironic that my birthday marks the last 100 days of the year and therefore, this 365-day drink challenge. Let’s make it a memorable centurion of drinks!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I liked this drink a fair bit. I don’t know if it was helped along by the fact that it’s my birthday recipe and I’m feeling all jovial, but the taste was very satisfying, as well. The Sprinkle Rim was amazing and I was so happy with how it turned out. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

September 4 – Playmate Martini

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Listless

As an internet entrepreneur, I’m always looking to raise my stock and evolve this brand. That can be helped greatly by making one of the popular vote lists that have run amok all over the world. These are the famous, world-recognized lists I hope to make:

Forbes 500

As I continue to grow this little congregating spot for alcoholics and the severely depressed alike, money will surely start rolling in (you know, once I design my line of Little Sipper Wear) and the empire of Sip will begin to take shape. I’d also settle for topping Forbes’ list of Richest Fictional Characters because when you live in a world of fantasy, such as I do, reality dissipates as quick as a frozen cocktail melts.

Scrooge McDuck

Top 30 Under 30

Sadly, I only have a month left to do this, but when there’s a will, there’s a way! I’m sure the maker’s of this list would make a special exemption for the Sip Advisor, should the deadline pass and I have not had the honour bestowed upon myself. I guess I can always regroup and shoot for 40 Under 40, but then things seem to get a little diluted as far as quality goes. Perhaps we should work on a Facebook/Twitter campaign in my honour!

Sexiest Man Alive

I know all you little sippers out there are shocked I haven’t already topped this list, but I’ve been practically black balled by the voters for fear that once I was selected, the list would lose all meaning. While I take issue with their stance, I do understand that chaos would result with my gracing the cover of this prestigious magazine and it wouldn’t be long before we heard the thundering patter of the Four Horsemen in the distance.

sexiest-man-alive

Oprah’s Book Club

It really doesn’t matter what I write, but if I can put together some piece of work that Oprah endorses, I’ll have millions of unhappy housewives around the world eating out of the palm of my hand. It could be a tell-all memoir detailing the sordid life I lead or perhaps I’ll simply compile all the awesome adventures we’ve shared thanks to this site. Either way, I thirst for that stamp of approval!

Playmate of the Month

This is one I’ve worked really hard for. Of course, I would be featured in Playgirl Magazine for all the lonely ladies out there to lust over. My greatest feature is probably my finely-manicured ears, which will surely stand out in any pictorial spread. I’m not even going to be greedy and ask for Playmate of the Year… just throw me a bone and give me one of the 12 months… is that too much to ask!?

Drink #247: Playmate Martini

Playmate Martini

  • 0.5 oz Courvoisier Cognac
  • 0.5 oz Grand Marnier
  • 0.5 oz Apricot Brandy
  • Top with Orange Juice
  • Dash of Egg Whites
  • Dash of Angostura Bitters
  • Garnish with Strawberry and Raspberry

Have I missed any lists that are a must to be on? Which lists do you long to be inducted onto? I’ll try my best to make all of our dreams come true!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
The Egg Whites add a nice foamy layer to the top of the cocktail, which enhances its look and taste. As usual, the Apricot Brandy is delicious and here it is boosted even further by top end liquors Grand Marnier and Courvoisier Cognac.

August 21 – Village Idiot

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Dumb and Dumber

Yesterday we had a look at some of the stupid things I’ve done over my many awesome years. Did you really think that was it, though? There are so many other wild tales of great idiocy in my archives. Here are a few more select stories!

One More for the Road

Well before I became the seasoned drinker you see before you today, I was still learning the ropes of the liquor game and picking up experience points where I could. At a party very early in my drinkdom, shortly after high school graduation, I was having a great time catching up with folks I hadn’t seen since our days of set school schedules and also meeting some newbies to the Sip Advisor’s world.

Before I knew it, I was 10 beers deep. With the party still in full swing, I was sad to discover that my stock had been completely depleted. I was now regretting giving out the couple brews I had gifted to others for past offerings bestowed upon me. For shame, Sip Advisor… but it gets worse. In my bag of goodies was one Mike’s Hard Lemonade – the popular drink of my graduation summer. Why I brought it with me, I don’t know. Perhaps the devil slipped it in my bag for its own amusement.

Mikes Lemonade

Without much thought, I cracked the can open, took a big swig, and immediately felt it not sitting very well. Being young and dumb as I was, I finished the beverage and decided to make my way home. What was usually only a ten minute walk home took me nearly double, as I was forced to stop frequently to get sick on some poor stranger’s lawn. I eventually made it home to get sick once more in my room, before passing out. Lesson learned, my little sippers: beer before liquor, never been sicker… liquor before beer, you’re in the clear!

Wax-on, Wax-off

For years following Mrs. Sip and I becoming an item, I had complained about not liking my chest hair and wanting to have it removed. Mrs. Sip must have finally hit her breaking point because one night, she showed up at my place with a waxing kit and said the time had finally come to put up or shut up. So, there we stood, in the bathroom, Mrs. Sip warming and dripping hot wax over my body, as Broski Sip snickered and filmed the incident for prosperity purposes (or at least that’s what they told me!).

Finally, it was time. RIP! Mrs. Sip pulled away the first patch and left in its place was a bald patch of skin. I was surprised that the whole process didn’t really hurt that much. So, we continued and in no time we were finished and I had a nice smooth chest. End of story, right!? Not so fast. Within minutes my chest was covered in all these tiny red little bumps that never really went away until the hair started growing back. A man just can’t catch a break!

chest waxing

Cruise Ship Quarantine

Back in early May, I wrote an article about how to enjoy an open bar. Let’s just say I wrote that post a little too well. You see, my aunt was getting married aboard a cruise ship and the wedding package featured a one-hour open bar with little appies and such. With only an hour to drink like kings, a game plan was needed and I captained that ship straight into the rocky cliffs.

Video and photo evidence from the event shows me with two drinks in hand for nearly every appearance. We also lined up at least 10 rounds of shots to go with the double fisting of doubled drinks. I can throw down pretty good in the game we call alcohol, but my biggest mistake that day was building all that booze on top of nothing. I hadn’t eaten that morning (not a huge surprise, as I’m not really a breakfast guy) and still hadn’t touched anything edible by the time the wedding ceremony was over around 2pm.

I guess it could have been worse!

I guess it could have been worse!

Largely on my advice (and coercion) three of us ended up getting quarantined, while a couple others were incapacitated for much of the trip. Worst of all, we were banished to our rooms because those of us who got sick did so in front of ship staff and we were forced to miss much of the post-wedding celebration. Let’s just sum up by saying that it was far from my finest moment, but I can still provide a lesson of sort to all you little sippers to keep yourself on track and only lose your cookies in the privacy of your stateroom!

Drink #233: Village Idiot

Village Idiot Martini

  • 1 oz Gin (I used Bombay Sapphire)
  • 1 oz Vodka
  • Top with Lemonade
  • Dash of Lime Juice
  • Garnish with Lemon and Lime Slices

Again, I implore you to share your stories of stupidity. I’m starting to feel a little lonely here, sharing all my goof ups and not hearing any of yours. Let’s make this a give-take idiot relationship!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
If you make one of these, you’ll be far from a village idiot, you’ll be a genius. It’s so refreshing and tasty, crisp and clean. The recipe is pretty simple, so I spiced it up a bit with top shelf liquors Grey Goose Cherry Noir Vodka and Bombay Sapphire Gin. Everything worked well together and left me thirsting for more!

August 9 – The Big Crush

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Love Me Tender

We’ve all had crushes. Whether it’s on a TV character, a famous celebrity or a person who actually exists in our own life, everyone ends up pining for someone. Today, not only am I going to open up to the world and let them know about my childhood and teenage crushes, but I will also do it in chronological order, so we can all see the development of the Sip Advisor!

April O’Neil

As a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fan, I was completely smitten with one April O’Neil. I wonder if she influenced me to want to go into journalism given the characters career as a reporter. Anyway, my fondness for her was two-fold. First, she was attractive and had an energy that was striking. Second, she got to hang out with the turtles and what youngster wouldn’t kill for that opportunity?

april o'neil

It’s “tough” searching April O’Neil when the character apparently shares her name with a porn star…

Kelly Kapowski

My first real-life TV crush. I loved Saved by the Bell as a wee little sipper, particularly because of the stunning Kelly Kapowski (Tiffany Amber Thiessen). Even just the other day, I stumbled upon an episode of the show and Mrs. Sip was quick to remark at how deliciously gorgeous Thiessen was (I may have put those words in her mouth and paraphrased a little, but you get the gist). Sadly, Thiessen didn’t go on to appear in Showgirls like her co-star Elizabeth Berkley did!

Jennifer Aniston

When I was young and Friends became a hit show, I fell in love with the beautiful Jennifer Aniston (how could you not with the way her nipples seemed to be iced before every scene?). I’m still quite fond of her, even as she ages. Her role as a sex-crazed dentist in Horrible Bosses is a particular favourite of mine. How Brad Pitt could ever leave her for Angelina Jolie will puzzle me until memory loss finally takes its toll.

Sunny

As a teenage wrestling fan, full of hormones, basically any women that flashed across the screen could have been a crush in waiting, but Sunny had a wild side and spunk to her that others didn’t. The first “diva” of the ring is actually currently offering to take photos with fans in a bed. For $50 you get the normal lying in bed together pic, but for $75, you can spoon the former star or have her lie her head on your chest! Now all I need is for Mrs. Sip to lend me a little cash and we’ll get everything sorted out!!!

Sunny

Post-apocalyptic never looked so good!

Rebecca Romijn

Long before she was Mrs. John Stamos or Mrs. Jerry O’Connell, I spotted this beautiful model in a GQ magazine and found myself quickly enamored with her. Romijn went on to play Mystique in the X-Men trilogy of movies, among other acting roles. She now has twin daughters and a family, so I guess we were never meant to be. That’s okay, though, there were better things destined in my future…

Mrs. Sip

A little bit of trivia: Mrs. Sip and I actually met two years before we ever started dating. And a couple months before we were re-introduced to each other, I was shown a photo that involved the future Mrs. Sip, immediately targeting her as the one I wanted. Like Wayne Campbell in Wayne’s World, I recited the mantra, “She will be mine… oh yes, she will be mine!”

Drink #221: The Big Crush

Aug 9

  • 2 oz Raspberry Vodka (I used Absolut)
  • 1 oz Cointreau
  • 0.5 oz Raspberry Liqueur
  • Top with Champagne
  • Dash of Lime Juice
  • Garnish with Cherries

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I liked this cocktail, as the Raspberry alcohols and Cointreau worked nice together. The Champagne didn’t detract from my enjoyment and going light on the Lime Juice was a good choice. I put a bunch of Cherries in the drink and it was fun to eat them at the end when they were drunken!