February 14 – Raspberry Chocolate Love

Posted on February 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Love Songs

It’s Valentine’s Day and you know what that means… there’s a 50% chance you’re going to get lucky… best odds of the year! Maybe you’ll want to have some tunes playing to set the mood. Here are my suggestions:

Pony – Ginuwine

This song is all about horseback riding. Wait, that’s not right… it’s all about humping. Seriously, every piece of furniture in your house should be rubbed up on prior to sex, during sex and after sex. Your possessions will thank you later. I also like how the artist was able to squeeze both ‘gin’ and ‘wine’ into his name.

I Hate Everything About You – Three Days Grace

This is Mr. and Mrs. Sip Advisor’s karaoke duet of choice. We’ve even been stopped by other patrons before, commending us for our performance. It’s because these lyrics really speak to us… from the heart, man.

F*ck You Tonight – Notorious B.I.G. (feat. R. Kelly)

Hmmm, featuring R. Kelly… didn’t know watersports was on Biggie’s menu. I bet if I played this to Mrs. Sip, things would not go very well for everybody’s favourite liquor blogger. Besides, she often treats me to dinner and drinks. Maybe she should play this for me… not that I ever take any convincing!

Jizz in My Pants – The Lonely Island

I think the meaning of this song is lost on most women. The guys are just saying they find the women so attractive that they can’t control themselves. How’s that for complimentary and moving feminism forward in leaps and bounds? Well played, boys… well played!

All My Love – Led Zeppelin

If my opinion counts for anything (and trust me, it does not) every musical list is lacking unless it contains some Zeppelin content. How many times do you think a groupie was told this song was specifically for them? Ha, classic!

Drink #45: Raspberry Chocolate Love

Put a layer of Chocolate Syrup at the bottom of your glass
1.5 oz Chocolate Whipped Vodka (I used Pinnacle)
1 oz Chambord
Dash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Simple Syrup
Garnish with a chocolate-filled raspberry

Alright, folks, it’s time to make whoopee (not Goldberg)! Have fun, stay safe, and remember who helped you get your groove on!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
It might be hard to tell in photos, but that’s a Chocolate-filled Raspberry garnishing the drink, which I thought to be a really neat idea. There’s also a layer of the syrup at the bottom of the glass. The Chambord, Lemon Juice and Chocolate Vodka are interesting flavours to be combining.

February 12 – Skor Bar

Posted on February 12, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

He Shoots, He Skors

There are a number of drinks named after popular chocolate bars. Today we enjoy the Skor Bar cocktail and we learn what some of The Sip Advisor’s favourite chocolate treats are:

Chocolate PayDay

The Chocolate PayDay bar has become a unicorn of sorts for myself and Mrs. Sip. We found it once, in a hotel vending machine. It was the last bar of its type in the machine and we’ve never seen it again. It took the classicly awesome PayDay bar – salted peanuts held together by chewy caramel – and covered it with chocolate. Had I not seen the bar with a witness, I’d begin to wonder if my years of drinking were taking a toll on the ol’ noggin.

Wunderbar

The Wunderbar is a favourite shareable for me and the little lady. Hell, she thinks every chocolate bar is a shareable… and don’t even get me started on our long standing McDonalds’ fries dispute (if I knew you were going to eat half of my fries, I would have ordered the larger size!!!). But I digress. I like to accuse her of eating more than her fair share of the chocolate bar and then she leaves me more the next time. It’s the ol’ bait and switch, executed to perfection!

Twix

Twix is another perfect “sharing” bar that brings out the Cookie Monster in me. I hate when chocolate bars are hard to share, like what do you do with the third peanut butter cup (note: in the United States, packages come with two cups, but in Canada, there’s three… yup, we’re better! …never mind the fact that you can probably buy two U.S. 2-packs for the price of one Canadian 3-pack). Obviously, you can break the third cup in half, but then your fingers get all chocolatey and delicious and such. Perfect for wiping on your loved one’s finest clothing.

Snickers

I like the new line of Snickers “you’re not you when you’re hungry” commercials, as it’s always nice to see Joe Pesci in front of the camera again. Mrs. Sip isn’t a fan of Snickers bars, so I get this one all to myself! She doesn’t like Oh Henry!, either, so I bet you can guess which treats are well-stocked at the Sip Advisor offices… that’s right, not these ones. These are the delicacies I hide around the house – toilet tank, recycle bin, among the DVD collection – for when I’m not acting myself.

Toblerone

They were 3-D first and we have to thank them for that. While travelling through Switzerland a handful of years ago, it seemed we were buying Toblerone bars like they were going out of style. When we took the trip up Jungfrau Mountain, we made sure to have this wonderful chocolate on hand, as eating some can actually help you adjust to the altitude. Either that or you need to down some serious wobbly-pops.

Drink #43: Skor Bar Cocktail

Rim glass with Skor bits
1 oz Irish Crème (I used Bailey’s)
1 oz Kahlua (or Frangelico for a twist)
1 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
1 oz Crème de Cacao

Everybody has their favourite chocolate bar… what’s yours? I know it’s a hard choice to narrow down. Maybe it’s easier to pick one you hate. It is Fat Tuesday today, so make sure to enjoy as many bars (chocolate or otherwise), guilt-free, as possible!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This actually tasted like a Skor Bar. I know that’s how it’s advertised, but sometimes the results don’t match the name. Butterscotch Schnapps and Crème de Cacao make an amazing pair and the Skor Bit rim was a lot of fun, too.

February 5 – Tequila Fizz

Posted on February 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Party People

The Tequila Fizz seems like a fun drink to have at a shindig. That said, do you want to play a game (in my best Jigsaw voice)? Okay, you’re planning an epic night of boozing. You can invite anyone in the universe… who would be on your guest list? Here’s who would be receiving a save-the-date from The Sip Advisor!

Andre the Giant

The drinking exploits of this 7’5″, 500-pound badass are legendary. The “8th Wonder of the World” could drink anyone under the table, so unless you are one part Irish, one part German, and two parts tree shrew, don’t even bother challenging him. He had been known to drink 156 beers in one sitting and 16 bottles of wine before wrestling three matches without showing signs of inebriation. With every group, it’s always good to have an intimidating force to back up the boys who may step out of line and cause some trouble. Andre would be that force and these next guys would be causing the mayhem…

That’s Andre’s hand wrapped around a beer can!

The Jackass Gang

You’d likely end up with some bumps and bruises, but you’d sure have a lot of fun in the process. Johnny Knoxville and company are the kings of getting into sticky situations. Thankfully, for their own wellbeing, a lot of these guys have taking the effort to sober up in recent years. That may mean a little less craziness, but these guys toned down are like normal people going on a bender.

John ‘Bluto’ Blutarsky

Bluto was like a one-man wrecking ball, destroying everything in his path. Of course, his best scene in Animal House is the cafeteria food fight, which begins with him loading up his plate with a mess of different items. This was all improv by Belushi and is a classic film moment. It is on my bucket list to be involved in a food fight and Bluto might be the man to facilitate that.

Slimer

He may not look like much, but Slimer is a good dude, with a heart of gold. Slimer would be junior vice-president of snacks and as long as he kept the unit’s supply of licorice, sour crème and onion chips, chocolate-covered peanuts and raisins and cookies well-stocked, he’d get top marks in my book. It’s been pointed out to me that Slimer might eat all our snacks, himself, but I trust the green glob.

Harry T. Stone

The jokester judge would be fun to have along for the ride and it might not be a bad idea to have a man of the court in our back pocket given the collection of rascals I’m assembling.

The Electric Mayhem

Who wouldn’t want to invite friends to a party who would jam to some awesome tunes, bring with them the rock n’ roll lifestyle, yet are soft as sock puppets? Anywhere we travelled, these guys could set their stuff up, play a few numbers and earn the crew some free drinks… maybe even some Muppet strange (they must have groupies, right!?). The best part is that we’d always have good music while we were partying to excess.

Hamburglar

Anyone who has a penchant for stealing burgers is on my A-list. Although, he did get caught a lot and his communication skills don’t seem very adequate. Perhaps will leave him in the car with the next member of our soiree…

Lindsay Lohan

Lastly, Li-Lo gets an e-vite, but only as the groups designated driver, of course!

Drink #36: Tequila Fizz

1.5 oz Tequila
Splash of Lemon Juice
Splash of Grenadine
Dash of Egg Whites
Top with Cranberry Ginger Ale

Mix all the ingredients, except the ginger ale, together in a shaker, pour into a Collins glass and then top with the pop. Who would you party with if you could choose anyone in the world? Let me know and maybe your clique can have a dance-off with me and the rest of The Revolution!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
It’s funny how much foam the Egg White created in this cocktail. Not a bad recipe here, but I’d love to try it without the Grenadine, which I feel can bog down some drinks.

February 4 – Lounge Lizard #2

Posted on February 4, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Bar Crawl

When I profiled the original Lounge Lizard cocktail, I discussed my favourite real-life bars. Today, I turn reality upside down and present to you, my little sippers, the best of fictional bars. Sometimes we all wish these places were real. Seriously, though, it seems like every single show in history has featured a watering hole as a recurring setting (thus making this list extremely difficult to narrow down):

Cheers – Cheers

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name… I bet everyone who read that last line, sang it in their head! How great would it be to hang out with a regular Joe like Norm Peterson. Or shoot the shit with bartenders like Sam Malone and Woody Boyd. You could even get your daily dose of factually inaccurate trivia from Cliff Claven or some psychiatric treatment from Frasier Crane. Everyone in the place had something to offer – except maybe Paul, but we’ll let it slide.

Moe’s Tavern – The Simpsons

While Moe’s Tavern may not be the highlight of any visit to Springfield, it’s a decent joint that means a lot to its regulars. The bar has gone through a number of style changes with the times, usually to capitalize on some trend – gay bar, family restaurant, stylish martini bar (wouldn’t that be the same as the gay bar!?) – but it always returns to its former glory by episode’s end.

The Broken Stool – The Cleveland Show

After moving from Quahog, Rhode Island to Stoolbend, Virginia, Cleveland Brown promptly found himself a new group of friends – “there’s old friends, new friends and even a bear” – who regularly convene at The Broken Stool. There’s nothing like having a favourite haunt for you and your best buds and having a bear as a pal would absolutely rule. You could get him to catch fish for you and stuff.

Merlotte’s & Fangtasia – True Blood

In the True Blood universe, you have the best of both worlds. First, there’s Merlotte’s, where normal people can go to enjoy a drink or some southern cooking and crazy shit often happens. At Fangtasia, vampires, humans and werewolves alike can enjoy an evening of debauchery and crazy shit ALYWAS happens. How either owner can keep their places running with the high death rate (including to staff) and constant turmoil at each location, is beyond my comprehension.

Roger’s Place – American Dad

I dream of my own man-cave bar set-up one day… not that I don’t have that already, but it’s not in a man-cave. Neither is Roger’s Place, alien Roger Smith’s bar in the attic of the Smith family home. Here, Roger waxes philosophical for his visitors – usually suggesting a solution to their problem that gets them into even more trouble. Next time I’m bartending for the Sip Advisor friends and family, I’m going to give out bad advice… whether people want to hear it or not.

The Warsaw – The Drew Carey Show

One of the best features of this bar, was you could live above it, as Lewis and Oswald did, complete with their own fire pole into the place. Can you imagine how happy I, the Sip Advisor, would be if I could roll out of bed in the morning and ride a pole down to my favourite bar? Oh wait, I practically do that already, minus the pole and if you add a little more crawling to the trek.

Drink #35: Lounge Lizard #2

1 oz Coconut Rum
1 oz Blue Curacao
1 oz Melon Liqueur
Top with lemon-lime soda
Garnish with lemon and lime wheels

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
The Lounge Lizard family of cocktails may be one of my favourite. Here, you have Coconut Rum, Blue Curacao and Melon Liqueur all getting together to party as lemon-Lime Soda plays DJ and lays down some dope tracks. Not sure of what exactly I just wrote… let’s just say that the drink is spectacular.

February 1 – The Preacher

Posted on February 1, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Losing My Religion

The first month of the 365-day challenge here at The Sip Advisor is in the books and what a month it was. We had visitors from all around the world and had fun taking shots at everyone from the entire east coast of North America, to couples choosing terrible baby names, to fellas looking for love in all the wrong places.

Today, in theme with the featured cocktail, I will look at some of the craziest religions out there. I have various beliefs and my own code that I follow (not a Dexter-like serial killer code, of course), but I’m not religious in any way. If you believe in something, than you have every right to. I just find these factions to be a little too far out there for my own liking.

Pentecostal Snake Handlers

Like the great intellectual, daring, and handsome hero Indiana Jones, I have no weaknesses… except snakes… god I hate snakes. So, given that I also don’t like church, it seems like two strikes to combine the two to form a religion and the third strike comes when you learn that the founder of the modern movement (among other leaders and parishioners) died from a venomous bite. There’s even a court case from Alabama (big surprise there), in 1991, where a pastor was convicted of attempted murder and sentenced to 99 years in prison after he forced his wife to put her hand in a tank filled with rattlesnakes. Divorce (of snakes?) was forbidden by his church, so this was his bright idea as to how he could get out of the marriage. Snakes on a Plane would have been a drastically shorter movie if it had taken place in a church full of religious zealots and I can just see Samuel L. Jackson: “I have had it with these motherfuckin’ snakes in this motherfuckin’ church.” Famous Follower: Moe Szyslak (The Simpsons)

Mormonism

They don’t drink. Period. I am down with having multiple wives taking care of me, though, minus the multiple children I would have to take care of. Famous Follower: Mitt Romney (U.S. Presidential Candidate)

Scientology

Any religion that’s origin starts with the words “Galactic Confederacy”, “alien ruler”, and hell, “spacecraft” are hard to take seriously. If you want to see a good tearing apart of Scientology, watch any episode of South Park that deals with the religion. They even angered one of their own voice talents (Isaac Hayes, who voiced Chef), who ended up quitting the show, despite the fact the animated comedy rips on every single religion at one time or another. Famous follower: While many Hollywood stars are members of the Church of Scientology, perhaps to gain connections in the industry, Tom Cruise is far and above the most recognized face of the religion and has seen his own career (and possibly marriage, too) take major damage as a result of his devotion.

Raëlians

Another faith that has its origins in alien beliefs. These people use the swastika as a symbol of peace… oh yeah, that’s going to go over really well. Then they have the gull to ask for territory in Israel to put an embassy for extra-terrestrials (and we’re not talking about the bicycle flying, Reese’s Pieces eating type)… even I know that’s beyond stupid… and I wrote the book on stupid. It’s called The Idiot’s Guide to Being an Idiot by The Sip Advisor. However, I will give them credit for their belief that women should be able to go as topless as men can. Equality for all, right? Famous Follower: Rael’s Girls posed for an October 2004 spread in Playboy magazine.

Pastafarians

Hulk Hogan once ran a restaurant called Pastamania, but I don’t think even he showed such high praise and devotion to pasta, like these folks do. These peeps aren’t that bad, though, preferring to take a light-hearted view towards religion. Amongst their beliefs are that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe after drinking heavily (really sounds like my type of deity), that pirates are divine beings and that every Friday is a holy day. Wow, where do I sign up? Famous Follower: One site I was reading said Jesus Christ was a Pastafarian… I should really find more reliable sources!

Church of Euthanasia

My main issue with this group is how can the church exist when the followers advocate that people kill themselves? It seems a little oxymoronic that they hold events like any other church, but if they truly follow what they believe, then shouldn’t they all be dead? Their gripe is with the overpopulation of the earth and therefore they advocate suicide, abortion, cannibalism (only of already dead people, duh!) and sodomy (because it doesn’t result in procreation) . Now I’m listening! Famous Follower: If I listed someone here, would they have to kill themselves? In that case, I pick Elmo.

Jehovah’s Witnesses

You don’t believe in birthdays and Christmas??? Fuck it, I’m out! No further discussion… I’m out. Famous Follower: Toss up between Michael Jackson and Lark Voorhees (Saved by the Bell)… gotta give it to Lark!

I can’t even begin to delve into the cults and religions based on race that exist in the world. My head is spinning from all the information I’ve already had to research. Let’s just get on with the drink o’ the day!

Drink #32: The Preacher

1.5 oz Spiced Rum (I used Kraken Black Spiced Rum)
0.5 oz Amaretto
Top with Cranberry Gingerale
Garnish with Orange slice

For those who want to subscribe to The Church of Sip, we convene every single day here. We will exercise your demons and get you drunk while doing so. Amen!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
Cranberry Ginger Ale has to be one of my favourite finds throughout this project. Then you add Kraken Black Spiced Rum and Amaretto and you have the makings of an amazing cocktail.

January 31 – Disaronno Jazz

Posted on January 31, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Word Play

At dinner with friends recently, someone mentioned a story where a guy said he was ‘smitten’ with her. It got me thinking about how awesome the word smitten is and it saddens me that it has largely disappeared from the lexicon. Here are some other gems of the English language that should return to the vernacular world:

Balderdash!!! – It is my goal in life (what can I say: aim low, perform high) to shout this out at inappropriate times and cause a disturbance. I think ending a board game like Monopoly or checkers, by flipping the board into the air and shouting Balderdash!!! at my opponent(s) would be a great way to prove that my mental faculties are still sharp and that I’m fully competent to stand trial. Used in a sentence: Balderdash!!!! I should not have to pass go to collect $200.

Jazzed – In line with today’s drink, jazzed has disappeared from our vocabulary and been replaced by stoked (a word I’ve never been very comfortable with). Like jazzercise, jazz dance, and jazz-onomics (the term to describe the money, or generally more the lack thereof, associated with jazz musicians), there just seems to be no appreciation for the jasm (original derivation of jazz… which just sounds dirty… which is probably why I like it!) arts. Used in a sentence: I’m no longer stoked about this weekend’s sock hop, but once I get there I’m sure I’ll be jazzed.

Flummoxed – I go through most of my life with a look of perplexity splashed across my face. The things I see most people do makes me question the existence of life. In my five-minute walk (I’m a very lucky guy) to and from work, I note numerous acts of stupidity from walkers, drivers, homeless zombies, and even dogs. Used in a sentence: All these idiots have absolutely flummoxed me to the point of exhaustion.

My boy, Ron Swanson, shows us his best flummoxed face!

Strumpet, Harlot, Trollop, Guttersnipe – Basically anyway to describe a promiscuous lady (or even man, as I believe in equal opportunity), without having to resort to cruder words. Nowadays, people go for the easy fix and through around harsh terms that don’t need repeating. Let’s go back to a time of underhandedly saying someone is a slut or a whore. Woops, went ahead and wrote them bad words anyway. Used in a sentence: I always dreamed of finding a strumpet (could be replaced by harlot, trollop or guttersnipe) of my own.

Blotto – I use this term often, to describe someone’s level of inebriation, but I am one of the few – and by far the greatest – that does. I like that blotto contains the word lotto, because to me, when you get this drunk, you’re gambling with the contents of your stomach and sometimes more. Let’s start a new phrase: you can’t get blotto without playing the lotto. Used in a sentence: Man, I’m going to get so freakin’ blotto tonight it will be blotto-tacular.

Chortle – This is such a perfect word in describing that sarcastic scoff people can sometimes be guilty of doing. It was invented by Lewis Carroll (writer of the Alice in Wonderland stories) and it figures this mad genius would create a term like this. I often practice my chortle just for fun and in the case that it is ever needed on demand. In today’s world, this preparation comes in hand more often than even I would like. Used in a sentence: I chortle at you, good sir.

Loathe – When my wife and I are joking around, we’ll sometimes say “I loathe you, darling.” Well, she says it more often than I do… and with good reason. The first time she ever said it, with a little smile and a peck on the check, I barely noticed it. I’m slow like that, but I eventually caught on. Little did I know that our entire relationship had been built around her loathing me and me loving her. Loathe has such a strong vibe to it and I think it’s sorely missing from today’s jargon. We should all find someone to loathe and tell them so, making 2013 the year of loathing. Used in a sentence: I never thought I’d loathe someone like you.

Brouhaha – Sometimes used in sports references when a fight breaks out, but rarely used otherwise. I think all fights should be called brouhahas, from mixed martial arts to hockey to domestic disturbances portrayed on Cops and other reality shows. Can you imagine a cop showing up to a street fight and asking what all the brouhaha is about? Way to lose your street cred, Officer. Used in a sentence: Let’s go down to the bar, act like a couple dicks (er, I mean frat guys) and start a massive brouhaha.

Drink #31: Disaronno Jazz

1 oz Disaronno (amaretto)
0.5 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Blue Curacao
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with lime wedge

Are there any words you would like to see pulled from its sealed dictionary vault and brought back into the light of day? Now let’s have some fun using every word mentioned in today’s post in one sentence. I am loathe to be smitten with a trollop, who chortles at my advances and routinely gets blotto before a brouhaha, which flummoxes me into shouting words like balderdash and leaves me quantifiably less jazzed than I was to begin with. Your welcome!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Amaretto is such a delicious liqueur and it really shines in this cocktail. It’s funny how green the drink turned out given that Sour Mix is more of a yellowish shade and none of the other ingredients would suggest the final product would look like that.

January 28 – Harvey Wallbanger

Posted on January 28, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

The Un-Authorized Biography of Harvard Wallbanger

When I was doing some research on this drink (fully expecting a number of pornographic sites to come up), I took note that the story of how the drink was created was a little open-ended. Some say it was invented purely by accident, at a party where the cocktail’s ingredients were all that was available. Other’s attribute it to various bartenders throughout the United States. Well, I’ve stumbled upon the E! True Mixology Story (National Treasure investigative style) and today, I will share that tale with you (note: the following is 100% completely and utterly possibly true or false).

Harvey Wallbanger grew up in the Midwest United States during the 1930’s. He came from a family of modest means, suffering through the depression. Despite one unfortunate incident involving a wagon, a pig, and the neighbour’s daughter, Harvey had a happy childhood and had what many would describe as an upbeat, glass-half-full personality. And by glass-half-full, I don’t mean that he was a booze hound or anything, he was just a decent dude is all.

When our young hero left home at the age of 18, he had a hard time finding full-time employment. He worked one odd job after another, until work seemingly dried up. Down on his luck, Harvey was living in a homeless shelter. All he had to his name was a cheap bottle of vodka he stole from a fellow vagrant (oh I’m sorry, were you not picturing our young Harvey as a thief? Because in truth he was a bit of a kleptomaniac) and a juice box of orange juice he was handed at his soup kitchen (yes, smart ass there were juice boxes in the 1950’s… it’s a little known fact that all good soup kitchens had time machines back in those days, before Communist spies stole but inadvertently destroyed the technology, some time during the 60’s). Harvey went into a back alley behind the shelter and poured a Styrofoam cup half full of the vodka, topping the drink with the juice. This was, he decided, to be his last drink before he would end it all.

Then, almost as if from the heavens, fell a small bottle of Galliano (a sweet, vanilla-flavoured liqueur). Where it came from will forever be a mystery, but the yellow liquid inside seamed to shine for him in the darkness of the poorly lit backstreet. “Why not?” Harvey thought, as he added a splash of the Galliano to his mix. He took a sip and was astonished at how good the cocktail tasted. Harvey picked himself up, dusted himself off, gulped down the rest of his new creation and declared to himself that his life truly began that day.

Harvey went on to sell his new drink recipe to as many local establishments as he could. Once he had exhausted that market, he went national. This explains why all these different bartenders are credited with inventing the cocktail.

With his life now back in order, Harvey finally found love and went on to enjoy a prosperous and soul-destroying urban existence, filled with a beautiful wife, kids, and a white-picket fence (rather like that depressing movie, Revolutionary Road) .

And it is with great pleasure that I reveal that I am one of Harvard Wallbanger’s great-great grandchildren, twice removed. So whoever is responsible for the massive Wallbanger fortune, you know where to find me to send my share!

Drink #28: Harvey Wallbanger

1.5 oz Vodka
Top with Orange Juice
Float 1 oz Galliano on top of the drink
Garnish with orange slice and Maraschino cherry

If you would like to send me money (someone has to, right?) for the rights to this inspiring tale or be my rich benefactor, helping me produce a blockbuster of epic proportions, just let me know. I can totally see it winning an Oscar one day for best adapted screenplay!

Sip Adviosr Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
For a legendary drink, I was kind of disappointed. I’ve found myself not really enjoying Orange Juice-based cocktails recently. Each sip just feels a little heavier than I would like. Perhaps I should look into a different OJ for future blends. The floated Galliano was very nice, however.

January 27 – AC Maple Leaf

Posted on January 27, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Mixology on the Fly

Recently, my wife scored some tickets to the Air Canada Maple Leaf Lounge at YVR. On our recent holiday, we decided to stop there before our flight, and what a time we had. First, I was able to grab a free copy of The Hockey News magazine – it’s always good to have some reading material for the flight and whatever travel bugs you might have to suffer through (we were en route to Mexico, after all) and then we headed to the food station for some eats. That’s when I noticed it: there, illuminated by god’s light, as angels sang in my head, was the free-pour bar, stocked with nearly everything a mixologist needs.

My jaw dropped, eyes bulged… I might have even got a little aroused. I frisbeed my plate away, smashing it against a wall, and skipped (literally!) over to the bar. I couldn’t think straight. What did I want to make? WHAT DID I WANT TO MAKE?… and how many drinks could I throw back in the next hour?

I went to work, putting together a mix of Crown Royal Whiskey and Grand Marnier. Top with some Sprite, toss a wedge of lime on there and you have yourself a delicious cocktail invented in mere moments. I also did my best to make a Long Island Iced Tea, but had to sub Grand Marnier in for Triple Sec, which didn’t turn out too badly, as both spirits have an orange taste.

After double-fisting those cocktails, it was onto some heavy lifting. I quickly fired up a scotch on the rocks, courtesy of close friend Johnnie Walker and finished with a healthy dose of Courvoisier Cognac, to bring out the ladies’ man in me.

The key to mixing on the fly, is having an idea of what tastes good together, or at least, what different liquors taste like. I knew I could trust Grand Marnier as a flavor enhancer and that worked out quite well. If anyone else wants to give me tickets to a private airport lounge (or an open bar – anytime, anywhere), you know where to find me!

Drink #27: AC Maple Leaf (An on-the-fly Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

1 oz Crown Royal Whiskey
1 oz Grand Marnier
Top with lemon-lime soda
Garnish with a lemon wedge

Sip Adviosr Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This was a fun little recipe to cook up on the fly. Using what I had at my disposal, I think I put together a pretty decent drink. The Crown Royal and Grand Marnier work well together and some Lemon-Lime soda just completes the concoction.

January 24 – Paloma

Posted on January 24, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Lost in Translation

Today’s cocktail is the Paloma, which is Spanish, means “dove”. Now, that might not be bookmarked in most people’s Spanish-to-English dictionary, but after visiting Mexico three times in the last year, I feel I now have the highly trained professional expertise to share some terms you’ll want to have saved in your hard drive (your frontal lobe, ese). I assure you that they are all translated 100% correct:

Baño – Emergency Relief Unit

This is the most important word in the Spanish language. Given Mexico’s reputation for rumbly tummies and the ever-present threat of [in scary voice] Montezuma’s Revenge (which by the way, used to be an awesome ride at Knott’s Berry Farm… in retrospect, why would you name a rollercoaster after getting the runs, though!?), this is a term all travelers should keep close to their hearts, or at the very least stomachs when in need of some emergency relief. And I find that with the amount I usually drink on vacation, it’s always beneficial to know where you can get ready for the next round.

El Bar – Hydration Station

Much like the baño, I find it imperative to know where the nearest place to quench my thirst is. While this term shouldn’t trip up too many travelers, I thought it was worth sharing with Sip Nation.

Cerveza – Drinkable Mexican Drinking Water

Be Smart. Keep Hydrated. Drink lots of Cerveza. You can often find it at El Bar.

Cuánto cuesta? – How much does it cost?

This is the term you want to use once you have become a victim of a common and unavoidable threat in Mexico – the Mexican vendor. After you have fallen prey to the words “almost free” or “free tequila” and have realized your mistake (and let’s hope it’s not fatal), try pointing to something bright (which is most likely everything in the store) and throwing the term, “Cuánto cuesta” at the vendor to show how “in the know” you actually are in a desperate attempt to regain some of your lost pride.

Of course, if you are anything like me, as soon as the vendor answers in Spanish and you look at them blankly, then you come crashing down hard with your gringo status firmly re-established. Then there’s the whole bartering process, which I find about as much as having my chest waxed. Oh hell, just buy the flipping blanket and get out of there!

When I recently tried to pick up a Lucha Libre wrestling mask, the seller wouldn’t move off his price unless I bought two masks. But who needs two La Parka wrestling masks? Maybe Two-Bad from He-Man, I suppose.

Amigo – Person I want a favour (read: money) from

Pretty much every Mexican male I’ve ever encountered has called me their amigo. I must be special, but upon further thought I wonder if this actually true? Will my new found amigo send me birthday gifts, preferably in $100 denominations? Probably not. Maybe that’s what they’re expecting of me. Oh man, don’t tell my wife. Things are about to get loco with the Sip Advisor budget.

Pollo, carne asada, carnitas – food with wings, food with hooves, smaller food with hooves

Essential to any person’s understanding of Spanish is how to order food – or if you’re enjoying the buffet at an all-inclusive resort, what the hell you’re putting on your plate. Of course, if things are tasting bueno (good), you might want mucho (more)!

Pendejo – um, I’ll tell you when you’re a little older

Or you can click here.

Now that your linguistic lesson is complete, let’s get back to Tequila Week with this great drink!

Drink #24: Paloma

1.5 oz Tequila (I used El Jimador Reposado)
Grapefruit Soda or combo of grapefruit juice and lemon-lime soda
Rim glass with salt
Garnish with lime wheel

In closing, I should let you all know that el mono means monkey. This may not be important to most, but it’s a complete necessary for me and bookmarked in my Spanish-English dictionary. I don’t want to see any doves, I just want to drink them (see above), but if there’s a monkey to be seen, damnit, I want to see it!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I wish I had tried this drink with a Grapefruit Soda, such as Fresca, but I didn’t have that on hand and went with a combo of Graprefruit Juice and Lemon-Lime Soda. It tasted pretty good, but I’d love to try the legit recipe. The salted rim is a touch I enjoy on most drinks.

January 22 – Envy

Posted on January 22, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

The Green-Eyed Monster

Jealousy… I’m not too familiar with the feeling myself, but I assume it’s that feeling that other guys get when they see me free lifting my 200 pound weights in the gym, living my rock n’ roll gangsta lifestyle, or busting my sweet gangnam-style moves on the dance floor. 99% of the above may almost certainly be a lie, but since it’s Tequila Week here at The Sip Advisor headquarters, I know all you loyal readers are a bit jealous. To even it up, here’s a small selection of those who earn my envy:

Cookie Monster (speaking of monsters)

Imagine being able to eat whatever you want – cookies, plates, even the moon – and not gain a single pound. Seriously, Cookie Monster has been around since 1969 and despite eating whatever he wants, whenever he wants, he still looks the same, even though what he’s stuffed back would have other beings suffering the onset of diabetes or an incredibly gruesome and painful death or something. He may not lose any weight, but maintaining the body status quo would be classified a win for me. I love me some cookies (and chippies for that matter), so being able to eat so indiscernibly (and look cool in so much blue) definitely tops my list of enviable qualities.

Wolverine

Two words: adamantium skeleton. Sure the guy can’t remember who the hell he is or what his past life was, but he’s indestructible. Hell, I often can’t remember who I am or parts of my past life, thanks in large part to the subject matter of this blog. My mind is spinning with the stupid stuff I could get up to if I was immortal. Bungee jumping sans bungee cord, demolition derbies onboard a motorcycle, mixed martial arts fights with dinosaurs… the possibilities are endless, when your mind is as deteriorated as mine.

Garfield

The fat orange cat is allowed to be as surly as he wants and we love him for it. His enviable attitude is something that doesn’t work so well with my wife, however. While I’m not really down with the whole lasagna obsession thing, I can totally get behind the blankie, teddy bear (Pooky), fuzzy slippers and pajamas. And just like Garfield, I would only be nice twice a year, on my own Halloween and Christmas specials. I mean, how could you not be nice at Halloween and Christmas with all the candy, candy, candy and presents, presents, presents!?

Wile E. Coyote

One has to admire Mr. Coyote’s passion and drive in his dogged pursuit of the Roadrunner. If I possessed the same ambition, I’d be able to get this 365-day challenge done in a month (never mind the fact that I may implode like said Coyote in the attempt to do so). I would also love to have the resources Wile E. has at his disposal. His ACME account must be unlimited and if they had an alcohol department, I would be all over that. The one drawback is his constant injuries. One can only fall off a cliff so many times before it would probably get tiresome. My hat is off to you buddy, keep chasing that rainbow and get yourself some sweet, sweet Roadrunner meat!

Inspector Gadget

He may be a bumbling idiot (sounds a little too similar to MY personality profile!), but he’s a respected and accomplished detective. Plus, he gets to travel the world, chasing criminals and use an array of high-tech – well, mostly low-tech umbrellas and such – gadgets (wait!? Is that why he’s called Inspector Gadget? Another of life’s mysteries solved). Perhaps I’d be the one to finally catch Dr. Claw. After all, in my younger days, I was very successful in my hunt for Carmen Sandiego and her band of henchmen. Go-go-gadget 12 inches, am I right, ladies?

Richie Rich

Simply put, the kid had a fully-staffed McDonald’s right inside his own house. We don’t even need to get into the whole gazillionaire, set-for-life kid, B.S. Nope, just McDonald’s… in your house… they would probably even do room service. I would hold these off-the-chain shindigs with the guys from Epic Meal Time and we’d get completely destroyed on Chicken McNuggets and milkshakes. It would be, well, epic.

So, doing a final tally, if I put all my traits together, like a wonderfully-blended cocktail, I would be invincible; surly, but lovable; driven, with uncapped resources; with my own personal McDonald’s restaurant where I could eat at every day and never gain weight… and let’s not forget about the 12-incher!

Drink #22: Envy

1.5 oz Tequila (I used Sauza Gold)
1 oz Blue Curacao
Top with Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Pineapple Wedge and Maraschino Cherry

Who (aside from super me) are you jealous of? Drop me a line and let me know. Perhaps your list will be better… I doubt it though, because I’m pretty awesome! Maybe there will be a list on narcissism in the future!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I like how this drink came together visually with the Blue Curacao half resting at the bottom of the martini glass and the rest combining with the Pineapple Juice to make a greenish hue, perfect for the Envy moniker. The taste wasn’t half bad either.

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