Mixer Mania #31 – Hard as they Come

Don’t get me wrong… I’ve been a root beer fan for many years, but I still can’t fully fathom why hard root beer has taken North America by storm. I mean, if I have the choice between a hard root beer and any craft beer, I’m reaching for the craft suds. With the fad in mind, let’s look at some of the hardest things out there, some real and some fictional:

Samoan Wrestler’s Heads

It’s long been a running joke in professional wrestling that a Samoan grappler’s head is virtually indestructible. For example, when an opponent would attempt a head butt, they would be the one to experience injury, while the Samoan would feel no effect, often laughing off the feeble attack.

Diamonds

That pretty little thing you’ve placed on your partner’s hand is actually one of the hardest substances known to man. Doesn’t seem so elegant anymore, does it!? Mrs. Sip has advised me that I should be shopping for another… better get on that.

Jawbreaker

Sometimes I don’t understand why this candy exists, given its unpleasant nature of causing dental damage for little to no enjoyment. A Gobstopper is okay because they breakdown easily enough, but those massive jawbreakers are simply a dentist’s dream.

Adamantium

Thought to be virtually indestructible, Adamantium is the element that has been fused to mutant Logan’s skeletal structure, turning him into a super weapon, code name: Wolverine. The painful procedure also caused Logan to become amnesic and forget his past.

Adamantium

Feminum

Sticking with indestructible super hero alloys, we have Feminum, used to forge Wonder Woman’s bracelets. This material can only be found on Paradise Island, home to Wonder Woman (aka Princess Diana) and her fellow Amazonians.

Anvil

Is there a better weapon in animated comedy than the anvil? Whether dropped by one of the Animaniacs or in a botched fashion by the lovable Wile E. Coyote, it can do some serious damage. You know, the type that causes chirping birdies or flashing stars to circle your noggin’.

Mixer Mania #31: Amber’s Revenge

Amber's Revenge.JPG

  • 1 oz Scotch
  • 0.5 oz Rum
  • 0.5 oz Tequila
  • Top with Root Beer
  • Garnish with a Lime Wedge

The whole hard root beer craze reminds me of a story my dad has told of a German relative trying root beer while visiting Canada and practically spitting out the soda upon discovering his beverage was far from the ales he was accustomed to back in Germany.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I’m not sure who Amber is/was, but she must have been pretty pissed off, as I had to quarter each of the liquor ingredients to make the cocktail palatable. Not many drinks include Scotch, which is a slight shame because it works really well here and probably in other recipes.

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January 22 – Envy

The Green-Eyed Monster

Jealousy…  I’m not too familiar with the feeling myself, but I assume it’s that feeling that other guys get when they see me free lifting my 200 pound weights in the gym, living my rock n’ roll gangsta lifestyle, or busting my sweet gangnam-style moves on the dance floor. 99% of the above may almost certainly be a lie, but since it’s Tequila Week here at The Sip Advisor headquarters, I know all you loyal readers are a bit jealous. To even it up, here’s a small selection of those who earn my envy:

Cookie Monster

Cookie Monster (speaking of monsters)

Imagine being able to eat whatever you want – cookies, plates, even the moon – and not gain a single pound. Seriously, Cookie Monster has been around since 1969 and despite eating whatever he wants, whenever he wants, he still looks the same, even though what he’s stuffed back would have other beings suffering the onset of diabetes or an incredibly gruesome and painful death or something. He may not lose any weight, but maintaining the body status quo would be classified a win for me. I love me some cookies (and chippies for that matter), so being able to eat so indiscernibly (and look cool in so much blue) definitely tops my list of enviable qualities.

Wolverine

Two words: adamantium skeleton. Sure the guy can’t remember who the hell he is or what his past life was, but he’s indestructible. Hell, I often can’t remember who I am or parts of my past life, thanks in large part to the subject matter of this blog. My mind is spinning with the stupid stuff I could get up to if I was immortal. Bungee jumping sans bungee cord, demolition derbies onboard a motorcycle, mixed martial arts fights with dinosaurs… the possibilities are endless, when your mind is as deteriorated as mine.

Garfield

The fat orange cat is allowed to be as surly as he wants and we love him for it. His enviable attitude is something that doesn’t work so well with my wife, however. While I’m not really down with the whole lasagna obsession thing, I can totally get behind the blankie, teddy bear (Pooky), fuzzy slippers and pajamas. And just like Garfield, I would only be nice twice a year, on my own Halloween and Christmas specials. I mean, how could you not be nice at Halloween and Christmas with all the candy, candy, candy and presents, presents, presents!?

Wile E Coyote

Wile E. Coyote

One has to admire Mr. Coyote’s passion and drive in his dogged pursuit of the Roadrunner. If I possessed the same ambition, I’d be able to get this 365-day challenge done in a month (never mind the fact that I may implode like said Coyote in the attempt to do so). I would also love to have the resources Wile E. has at his disposal. His ACME account must be unlimited and if they had an alcohol department, I would be all over that. The one drawback is his constant injuries. One can only fall off a cliff so many times before it would probably get tiresome. My hat is off to you buddy, keep chasing that rainbow and get yourself some sweet, sweet Roadrunner meat!

Inspector Gadget

He may be a bumbling idiot (sounds a little too similar to MY personality profile!), but he’s a respected and accomplished detective. Plus, he gets to travel the world, chasing criminals and use an array of high-tech – well, mostly low-tech umbrellas and such – gadgets (wait!? Is that why he’s called Inspector Gadget? Another of life’s mysteries solved). Perhaps I’d be the one to finally catch Dr. Claw. After all, in my younger days, I was very successful in my hunt for Carmen Sandiego and her band of henchmen. Go-go-gadget 12 inches, am I right, ladies?

Richie Rich

Simply put, the kid had a fully-staffed McDonald’s right inside his own house. We don’t even need to get into the whole gazillionaire, set-for-life kid, B.S. Nope, just McDonald’s… in your house… they would probably even do room service.  I would hold these off-the-chain shindigs with the guys from Epic Meal Time and we’d get completely destroyed on Chicken McNuggets and milkshakes. It would be, well, epic.

So, doing a final tally, if I put all my traits together, like a wonderfully-blended cocktail, I would be invincible; surly, but lovable; driven, with uncapped resources; with my own personal McDonald’s restaurant where I could eat at every day and never gain weight… and let’s not forget about the 12-incher!

Drink #22: Envy

Envy Martini

  • 1.5 oz Tequila (I used Sauza Gold)
  • 1 oz Blue Curacao
  • Top with Pineapple Juice
  • Garnish with Pineapple Wedge and Maraschino Cherry

Who (aside from super me) are you jealous of? Drop me a line and let me know. Perhaps your list will be better… I doubt it though, because I’m pretty awesome! Maybe there will be a list on narcissism in the future!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I like how this drink came together visually with the Blue Curacao half resting at the bottom of the martini glass and the rest combining with the Pineapple Juice to make a greenish hue, perfect for the Envy moniker. The taste wasn’t half bad either.