Mixer Mania #6 – It Gives You Wings

Energy drinks have become such an integral part of popular culture that of course they would be spoofed on TV and in movies. Let’s take a look at some of the more famous fictional energy drinks:

Brawndo (Idiocracy)

Otherwise known as ‘the thirst mutilator’, this sports drink was being used to irrigate the crops of the United States, before the process actually started destroying farming yields and causing food shortages. Of course, this is about 500 years in the fictional future, so we have nothing to worry about… for now. Brawndo actually became a legit product for a time, although it was released years after the film, so they kind of missed the cross-promotion possibilities.

Blue Bronco (The Simpsons)

Appearing in a handful (at least for the four-fingered Springfielders) of episodes, this energy drink is most prominently featured when teacher Mrs. Krabappel is fired and replaced by hipster Zachary Vaughn. When Bart looks to get Mrs. Krabappel rehired, he plans to spike Zach’s Blue Bronco – which he refers to as “riding the indigo pony” – only to discover that the new educator already does this, ending with a booze-fuelled rant about hating the children, prior to his firing.

Booty Sweat (Tropic Thunder)

Endorsed by rapper-turned-actor Alpa Chino, Booty Sweat comes with the slogan “Pop An Ass Open”! As part of the marketing campaign for Tropic Thunder, Booty Sweat was actually released to the public. Not surprisingly, one of the most common places to find the product was at bookstores on college campuses. Throw in a few retail chains, such as Hot Topic and the cherry-flavoured energy booster became a short-term hit.

Tru Blood (True Blood)

While meant to keep vampires alive, without having to draw blood from humans, the ‘energy drink’ was also a key component in the final seasons of the HBO series, when Tru Blood stock was tainted with the dreaded Hep-V virus. This made it useless to vampires and drove them to need to feed on human plasma to stay alive… or at least not die for reals. Later, New Blood replaces Tru Blood as the next vampire nourishment supplement.

Butters’ Creamy Goo (South Park)

Wow… how to approach this entry without losing my blogger’s license. Okay, so to become better Sarcastaball players (don’t have enough word count to explain the sport), the young South Park kids begin ingesting Butters’ Creamy Goo, the newest ‘sports drink’ on the market. In the end, the adults discover that the product is actually just semen and as usual, Butters ends up grounded. Only in the quiet little mountain town that is South Park!

Mixer Mania #6: All Nighter

All Nighter.JPG

  • 1 oz Galliano
  • 1 oz Cointreau
  • 1 oz Strawberry Liqueur
  • Top with Energy Drink
  • Garnish with an Orange Slice

I’ve never been much of an energy drink guy, only dabbling in them when mixing the odd drop shot or other alcoholic beverage. I don’t think I’ve ever had a serving that hasn’t been spiked in some manner and I don’t plan on bucking that trend anytime soon.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
When describing this drink to friends, I said that it sounded really neat… until you added the Energy Drink. But since I used the Tropical-flavoured version of Red Bull, it was pretty tasty. The entire concoction was on the lighter side, but the flavours were all really good.

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July 25 – Lipstick Lesbian

Coming Out

With Pride weekend upon us, I thought it would be a good opportunity to look at the greatest LGBT characters… and there are a lot of them, making this list very hard to narrow down. Somehow, the Sip Advisor was able to thin the herd, so let’s get to it!

#5: Daffyd Thomas – Little Britain

While he claims to be the only gay in the village, Daffyd takes exception when he’s not being recognized for his sexuality and while he feels he’s turning heads and making a statement, everyone else is totally cool with his lifestyle. In fact, many of the townspeople are also members of the LGBT community. Ironically, when others reveal their sexual orientation, Daffyd is prone to homophobic outbursts.

Daffyd Thomas - Little Britain

#4: Lafayette Reynolds – True Blood

The heavy make-up wearing, eyelash extension rocking short order cook makes the world of Bon Temps go round, in his own unique way.  Interestingly, Lafayette is killed off very early in The Southern Vampire Mysteries books, but the TV series took a different approach, as the character proved to be so popular with audiences. In a world full of horny, indiscriminate vampires, anything and everything can happen.

#3: Mr./Mrs. Garrison – South Park

Garrison has been everything from a straight male, to a gay male, to a transgendered straight female, to finally a transgendered lesbian female. Covering the entire gamut, Garrison is one of the show’s funniest characters and would make for a fascinating teacher. We have to remember that this is a universe where Satan also identifies as gay, having been in a relationship with Saddam Hussein of all people!

Mr. Garrison

#2: Waylon Smithers – The Simpsons

Poor Mr. Smithers… all he wants is to be loved and respected by his boss, Mr. Burns, who barely acknowledges his existence and hard work. The writers of The Simpsons joke that Mr. Smithers is “Burns-sexual,” although he is regularly seen as a fixed member of the Springfield LGBT community and social scene. Hopefully Mr. Smithers finds happiness, whether with or without Mr. Burns.

#1: Cam & Mitchell – Modern Family

Cam and Mitchell put the “modern” in Modern Family more so than any of the other characters. Over the course of the show, we’ve seen Cam and Mitchell’s relationship grow to include the adoption of a daughter and tying the knot. Throughout it all, the rest of the family has been incredibly supportive, even Mitchell’s old school father Jay, who while he doesn’t always show it, is very proud of his son.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Lipstick Lesbian

  • Wrap glass with Rainbow Candy
  • 0.5 oz Watermelon Pucker
  • 0.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
  • Splash of Cranberry Juice
  • Dash of Sour Mix
  • Garnish with a Lime Wedge

Some honourable mentions go to Lt. Jim Dangle (Reno 911), Dean Craig Pelton (Community), Lloyd Lee (Entourage), Oscar Martinez (The Office), Mr. Humphries (Are You Being Served?), Ray Gillette (Archer), Willow Rosenberg (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), and – allegedly! – Bert and Ernie (Sesame Street). Have I missed anyone? Feel free to let me know below!

August 19 – Mint Julep

N’Awlins

We’ve travelled to many lands far and wide, but today we venture into the deepest, darkest parts of… New Orleans! Throw on your beads and mask cause things are about to get cray-cray around here. How crazy you ask? We’re talking take an episode of True Blood and turn it up to 11 crazy!

Eat Amazing Food

Alligator, gumbo, po-boy (sandwich stuffed with oysters and shrimp), crayfish… you name it, you can probably find it among N’Orleans eclectic restaurants. The place is also famous for hot sauces, so make sure to pick up a couple bottles that will make steam shoot out of your friend’s heads. Remember, chef Emeril Lagasse was heavily influenced by the New Orleans style, so it must be good. BAM!

Po Boy

Not true little Po, I love you lots!

Plantation Tour

On these tours, you will see some beautiful landscapes, wonderful architecture and learn the amazing history of the families that built and owned the properties. Perhaps you’ll even pick up on some of the Cajun/Creole ways and language or sit back and enjoy some fresh squeezed lemonade as you rock back and forth, fanning yourself, and complaining of the intolerable heat.

Live Music

Home to the birth of Jazz, as well as perhaps the most famous musician to ever scat, Louis Armstrong, you can bet any visit to ‘The Big Easy’ would be highlighted by live music performed in any of the city’s hottest venues. There is even jazz concerts at funerals in these parts. Visitors can also choose from a number of annual festivals to get their groove on, including the Jazz and Heritage Festival, Bayou Boogaloo, and Satchmo SummerFest. Or they can stroll down to venues such as Preservation Hall, to catch some of the top jazz musicians our time.

Show Your $&%@^#*

Even if you’re not there at Mardi Gras, there’s nothing wrong with flashing some skin… you might even be rewarded with beads, providing you got curves like Mrs. Sip! If you get taken away in cuffs, never fear, that’s just part of the foreplay! Apparently, nudity can be exchanged for other “trinkets” as well. While I wonder if the trinkets would have any value whatsoever, I’m up for some scientific investigation!

Beads Kitty

Air Boat Adventure

A favourite activity of one Sterling Archer, thanks to his obsession with Burt Reynolds and the movie Gator, these tours take guests through the waters outside the city, where they can view wildlife such as alligators, snakes, turtles, and a number of species of birds. If you want to take things at a slower pace, you can take a slower swamp boat tour or even a Mississippi River steamboat.

A Trip through History

For the history buffs out there, New Orleans provides a number of outlets to get your learning on. There’s Jackson Square (named after President Andrew Jackson), the site of the Battle of New Orleans during the Civil War, and the World War II Museum, among others. N’Orleans was founded in 1718, so that has given the place plenty of time to become marinated with history.

Bourbon Street Pub Crawl

It would fulfill a dream of mine to have a Mint Julep (today’s feature drink) at a Bourbon Street bar. New Orleans is also responsible for a number of other cocktail inventions, such as the Sazerac, the Obituary Cocktail, and the Ramos Gin Fizz. Joints like The Old Absinthe House and Lafitte’s Blacksmith Shop will have you throwing your doubloons around until the wee hours of the morning. Best of all, public drinking is allowed (if not encouraged) in the quarter.

bourbon faced

Cemeteries and Haunted Tours

In New Orleans, bodies are buried in above ground graves and tombs because of the high water table and increased probability of flooding. That, coupled with the city’s long history, including activity in the Civil War, and prevalence of occult culture (voodoo, etc.), makes for an interesting tour. The original Haunted Mansion at Disneyland was based on a New Orleans style antebellum home, so surely the real thing would be just as creepy!

Sports

I have a soft spot in my heart for the New Orleans sports scene, given that they’ve lost as many teams as my hometown of Vancouver and seem to always be looking over their shoulder as franchises threaten relocation. Your options consist of the Saints (NFL) and Pelicans (NBA) on the professional level, but there is also a myriad of college action to choose from in a variety of disciplines.

Drink #231: Mint Julep

Mint Julep

  • Muddle Mint Leaves
  • 2 oz Bourbon (I used Jim Beam)
  • 2 tsp Turbinado Simple Syrup
  • Garnish with Mint Sprig

I’ve only been to New Orleans once when I was 13, so I’m due for a return trip when I can actually get into bars. Mrs. Sip is there right this very minute and having a great time… lucky girl!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is a slow sipper drink thanks to the high concentration of liquor and really no mixers, other than Simple Syrup. My choice of Black Cherry Bourbon was nice for a unique flavour on the spirit side of things.

May 15 – Atone-Mint

Making Amends

I’ve been a bad, bad boy and the TV court judges – your Judys, Joe Browns, and the like – have sentenced me to atone for my sundry misdeeds. And there are a lot of them:

I am the legendary D.B. Cooper

That’s right, my little sippers. At the ripe age of minus-12, I boarded Northwest Orient Airlines Flight 305 and made off with $200,000. I promptly blew the money on baby food and diapers for my impending birth more than a decade later. For me, it was all about the thrill. All the fame and notoriety that followed was icing on the cake, although like Batman, I could never soak up the adulation.

db-cooper

I am the cause of power outages

Because of the massive amounts of electricity that flows through my body, I am a surge protector’s worst nightmare. Take all the electricity-based super villians – Electro, Shocker, Livewire – put them together and they still have nothing on me. You can ask Mrs. Sip… every time I touch her she gets shocked. I laugh a boisterous bad guy laugh, she lets out a soft whimper, and that’s the end of our foreplay!

I failed to stop the vampire craze

When I was younger, I took it upon myself to patrol the online message boards of the vast and lawless internet. I was one part Steve McGarrett from Hawaii 5-0 and two parts Carl Winslow from Family Matters. My assignment, which I chose to accept, was to kibosh any positive talk about the return of any “monster” movies. Frankenstein – never stood a chance; Wolfman – pssh, please… I slipped up, though. I figured no one would ever get so obsessed with vampires again. So, yes, I am to blame for all the Twilights, the True Bloods, the Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunters. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking about where I went wrong. Frighteningly, my tears are those creepy vampire blood ones…

I am the reason sneezes sometimes don’t come out

Don’t you hate it when that happens? It’s worse than being stuck in a car after drinking a Big Gulp with no restroom in sight. Well, friends, I’m to blame for your lack of release (that’s what she said). You see, this all began when I was just a young’un. I took great delight in distracting people just as they were about to sneeze and as we all know, that precious moment can pass quickly. As I grew older, I had to be stealthier with these attacks. Not many people will hit a devious kid, but a punk teenager should be throttled if justified. This behavior has continued into my adult years and now I’m able to do it telepathically, having refined my skills to such an nth degree.

sneezing

I am to blame for potato chip price inflation

This one is all about supply and demand. Prices go up because I destroy much of the supply and there’s still a huge demand for the salty, delicious snack. Thankfully, my sponsors (not the AA type, although if there were a Chipoholics anonymous, I might be their first patron) keep me well stocked and in the chippy-filled lifestyle to which I have become accustomed.

Global warming… you can pin that on me, too

My sincerest apologies to the polar ice caps… I’m just so damn hot that I’m warming up this little world of ours and causing melting of massive chunks of ice. The Game of Thrones Northerners would be so pissed with me. They keep saying that “winter is coming”, but not as long as I’m around. I’m trying to reduce my thermal excretions (wow, that sounds so unsexy), particularly for all the animals I’d be affecting. I love penguins, polar bears, and such and will do everything in my power to see that they are safe and comfortable.

Drink #135: Atone-Mint

May 15 (1)

  • Muddle Mint, Strawberries and Lemon Wedges
  • 1.5 oz Blueberry Vodka (I used Smirnoff)
  • Splash of Lemon Juice
  • Top with Lemon-Lime Soda

What I really need to apologize for is for being so awesome. Not only can the club not handle me, but most of the world just can’t compete at my level. I leave it all on the floor, day-in, day-out.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was really enjoyable. The Blueberry Vodka was a nice twist in a Mojito-style cocktail and having so much muddled goodness floating around gave the beverage a wicked presentation. This will be a wonderful summer selection and I can’t wait for the sun to come back and party for a while!

February 4 – Lounge Lizard #2

Bar Crawl

When I profiled the original Lounge Lizard cocktail, I discussed my favourite real-life bars. Today, I turn reality upside down and present to you, my little sippers, the best of fictional bars. Sometimes we all wish these places were real. Seriously, though, it seems like every single show in history has featured a watering hole as a recurring setting (thus making this list extremely difficult to narrow down):

Cheers – Cheers

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name… I bet everyone who read that last line, sang it in their head! How great would it be to hang out with a regular Joe like Norm Peterson. Or shoot the shit with bartenders like Sam Malone and Woody Boyd. You could even get your daily dose of factually inaccurate trivia from Cliff Claven or some psychiatric treatment from Frasier Crane. Everyone in the place had something to offer – except maybe Paul, but we’ll let it slide.

Cliff & Norm

Moe’s Tavern – The Simpsons

While Moe’s Tavern may not be the highlight of any visit to Springfield, it’s a decent joint that means a lot to its regulars. The bar has gone through a number of style changes with the times, usually to capitalize on some trend – gay bar, family restaurant, stylish martini bar (wouldn’t that be the same as the gay bar!?) – but it always returns to its former glory by episode’s end.

The Broken Stool – The Cleveland Show

After moving from Quahog, Rhode Island to Stoolbend, Virginia, Cleveland Brown promptly found himself a new group of friends – “there’s old friends, new friends and even a bear” – who regularly convene at The Broken Stool. There’s nothing like having a favourite haunt for you and your best buds and having a bear as a pal would absolutely rule. You could get him to catch fish for you and stuff.

Broken Stool

Merlotte’s & Fangtasia – True Blood

In the True Blood universe, you have the best of both worlds. First, there’s Merlotte’s, where normal people can go to enjoy a drink or some southern cooking and crazy shit often happens. At Fangtasia, vampires, humans and werewolves alike can enjoy an evening of debauchery and crazy shit ALYWAS happens. How either owner can keep their places running with the high death rate (including to staff) and constant turmoil at each location, is beyond my comprehension.

Roger’s Place – American Dad

I dream of my own man-cave bar set-up one day… not that I don’t have that already, but it’s not in a man-cave. Neither is Roger’s Place, alien Roger Smith’s bar in the attic of the Smith family home. Here, Roger waxes philosophical for his visitors – usually suggesting a solution to their problem that gets them into even more trouble. Next time I’m bartending for the Sip Advisor friends and family, I’m going to give out bad advice… whether people want to hear it or not.

Roger's Place

The Warsaw – The Drew Carey Show

One of the best features of this bar, was you could live above it, as Lewis and Oswald did, complete with their own fire pole into the place. Can you imagine how happy I, the Sip Advisor, would be if I could roll out of bed in the morning and ride a pole down to my favourite bar? Oh wait, I practically do that already, minus the pole and if you add a little more crawling to the trek.

Drink #35: Lounge Lizard #2

Lounge Lizard #2 Drink Recipe

  • 1 oz Coconut Rum
  • 1 oz Blue Curacao
  • 1 oz Melon Liqueur
  • Top with lemon-lime soda
  • Garnish with lemon and lime wheels

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
The Lounge Lizard family of cocktails may be one of my favourite. Here, you have Coconut Rum, Blue Curacao and Melon Liqueur all getting together to party as lemon-Lime Soda plays DJ and lays down some dope tracks. Not sure of what exactly I just wrote… let’s just say that the drink is spectacular.