March 1 – The Scraps

Excess Enjoyment

The Sip Advisor gets a little teary-eyed when a bottle of liquor gets down to the last dregs. What do you do with that thin layer of booze left at the bottom of the bottle? Well, my little sippers, as always, I have the answer for you. Here are the top five ideas of what to do with remaining residual liquor:

#5: Molotov Cocktail

While the Sip Advisor is never one to advocate violence – shouting and yelling at inanimate objects, sure, but physicality, nyet – making your own incendiary device for the purposes of entertainment doesn’t sound so bad. Simply combine all the final portions you have on hand and light that sucker up. I’d suggest dancing wildly and nakedly around your impromptu fire, hopefully while burning up something from your past and chanting cathartically.

Drinks Molotov Cocktail

That would be so bad ass!

#4: Fire-Spitter

The ancient art of spraying a flammable fluid at a fire source and becoming some sort of dragon-human hybrid can be all yours for the low price of using leftover alcohol you have lying around. People will marvel at your feats of magic and trickery, especially if you escape without charring your delicate facial features. You may even acquire a cool nickname like Dragon Man or Dragon Boy for your efforts… results may vary!

#3: Have an Alcohol Fight

Similar to the classic scene from Zoolander, where the male models enjoy a spirited gasoline fight while jamming to “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” by Wham, a great idea is to start splashing your friends with booze. Of course, the soundtrack to your mêlée should be something a little more badass. If you have some ladies around, make sure that they are dressed in tight, white tank tops. Just be careful not to ignite any flame source, as that could make your gleeful battle end in tragedy.

#2: Mouthwash

Brushing one’s teeth is one of the most important things we can do, but it’s often not enough to keep cavities at bay on its own. Add in some mouthwash and you should be good to go. What’s that, you don’t have any Listerine on hand? Well, that’s where scrap liquor comes in handy. Pour some in a shot glass, toss it back, and swish and swirl it around your mouth. The best part is, you can swallow this mouthwash. Note: the dental benefits of booze have yet to be fully proven!

#1: Make This Shot

This is a booze enterprise after all and we must never forget that leftover liquor is still liquor… no man left behind, is what I always say. While the ingredients may or may not mix well together, we’ll never know unless we try. I’d say, try to have something included in the recipe that has a flavour base, just to make sure you don’t end up just downing harsher stuff. Then, tip it back and marvel at what you’ve created.

Super Saturday Shot Day: The Scraps (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

The Scraps Shooter

  • 0.3 oz Blueberry Vodka
  • 0.3 oz Peppermint Schnapps
  • 0.3 oz Peach Schnapps
  • 0.3 oz Spiced Whiskey
  • 0.3 oz Rye
  • Garnish with Lime End

Recipes will always vary for this shot, as it depends on what libations you have leftover, sitting around and waiting to be used. Send me the variants you’ve come up with, along with the results, and perhaps I’ll throw together some kind of competition on the subject.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I’ve been wanting to make this shot for some time and while cleaning and reorganizing my bar recently, I finally decided to go ahead and get rid of some bottles that had been lying around for far too long with little liquid left. The results, I have to say, were surprising. I think I had enough flavoured ingredients on hand to make the shot quite tasty and things you normally wouldn’t expect blending together very well worked out nicely. For garnish, I used a Lime End to go along with the theme of remnants and allowing absolutely no waste. I suppose you could make similar shooters using perfectly full bottles of spirits, but the recipe would lose some of its mystique!

August 2 – Blueberry Alias

Altered Egos

I can’t believe that so many characters in the history of media have adopted an alter ego, whether it’s in the form of a superhero, split personality, witness protection, or any other reason to get out of their skin. Here are some of my favourites:

Roger Smith – Numerous (American Dad)

The alien member of the Smith family has a closet full of costumes and wigs and with each wardrobe change, he can be a completely different character. Some of my favourite alter egos for Roger are drummer Krispy Kreme McDonald’s and block captain Roy Rogers McFreely. Having to keep his true identity a secret from the rest of the world, Roger has a different costume for every visitor to the Smith home and keeping them consistent has been an issue.

Roger Costumes

Ron Swanson – Duke Silver / Andy Dwyer – Burt Macklin (Parks & Recreation)

No-nonsense Ron Swanson has another side to him that most of his co-workers don’t know about. He is accomplished saxophonist Duke Silver, a performer who makes women in their 40s and 50s swoon. In contrast, goofy and loveable Andy Dwyer’s tone gets a little more serious when he becomes Burt Macklin, FBI. While he was turned down in his pursuit of joining the police force, Macklin’s tactical skills have kept the Parks and Rec crew safe from trouble on a few occasions.

J.O.B. Bluth – Franklin (Arrested Development)

To make some extra money (as if any of the Bluth’s, other than Michael, care about supporting themselves), J.O.B. turned to a life of pimping. Perhaps looking to be more intimidating, he adopted the persona of a black ventriloquist dummy named Franklin, which provided him with the edge he needed while entering the often dangerous and seedy industry. The two even recorded an album together, hoping to bring racial harmony to the world.

George Castanza – Art Vandalay / Jerry Seinfeld – Kel Varnsen / H.E. Pennypacker – Kosmo Kramer (Seinfeld)

The most famous of these monikers is by far Art Vandalay, but each male character in Seinfeld ended up having an alter ego. A great scene occurred during the banned Seinfeld episode The Puerto Rican Day, where the three alter egos meet up, each viewing an apartment that is being shown by a real estate agent. Each character was in the apartment for ulterior motives, but the three entered into a rivalry bidding war with each other over the space.

Butters Stotch – Professor Chaos / Eric Cartman – The Coon / Kenny McCormick – Mysterion (South Park)

Usually when little boys play superhero, they don’t go to the extent that the South Park crew does. First came Professor Chaos, whose evil designs were intended to destroy the little town. The Coon entered the picture in an attempt to rid South Park of its problems, but Mysterion became a more popular hero, causing The Coon to switch between the light and the dark side, depending on his motives and objectives.

Stefan Urquelle – Steve Urkel (Family Matters)

In many cases, an alter ego can be the result of some sort of experiment gone wrong (or even right, as it is here). Perennial geek, Steve Urkel was hoping to finally shed his thick-rimmed glasses and suspenders for a suave, jockular appearance. The amateur scientist created a machine that turned him from uber-nerd to… I guess you’d say heartthrob Stefan Urquelle, finally landing him his longtime crush Laura Winslow.

Clive Bixby – Phil Dunphy (Modern Family)

When Phil Dunphy has to turn his cool factor up a few notches, he becomes Clive Bixby, executive business man and designer of “high-end electro-acoustic transducers”. Of course, because Phil is a bit of a geek, this often gets himself and his wife, Claire, into trouble, such as their Valentine’s Day role play date, which resulted in a near wardrobe malfunction, as the two tried to spice up their love life with some imagination.

clive bixby

Rusty Shackleford – Dale Gribble (King of the Hill)

Given how paranoid Dale Gribble is of his own government (and really everyone around him), it should come as no surprise that he often operates under a false name. He even fronted and performed in a bluegrass band, using both his names. They were dubbed The Dale Gribble Bluegrass Experience, featuring Rusty Shackleford on the keyboard.

Ziggy Stardust – David Bowie

Perhaps the most famous musical alter ego (unless we’re talking about how Garth Brooks ‘Chris Gaines’ personality practically ruined his career – yeah, sure, let’s put a wig on a bald guy… that’ll work), Bowie donned his androgynous Ziggy Stardust outfit and became a wildly popular cult character, along with his Spiders from Mars, putting on amazingly theatrical rock shows and shaking the foundation of the genre at its core.

Drink #214: Blueberry Alias

Aug 2

  • 1.5 oz Blueberry Vodka (I used Smirnoff Blueberry)
  • 0.75 oz Blueberry Liqueur
  • 0.75 oz Lime Juice
  • Garnish with Blueberries

There are a few examples I had to sadly leave off this list, including Fenton Crackshell (wicked name) as GizmoDuck (from DuckTales), Charlie Baileygates as Hank Evans (from Me, Myself and Irene), and Buddy Love from the Nutty Professor movies.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2 Sips out of 5):
There’s a few issues I have with this recipe, including the measurements of ingredients and ingredients choices. It just doesn’t add up to the standards I want to be drinking. I only chose the cocktail for its name and so I had something to go along with this post. On the positive side, it was nice to work with Blueberries as a garnish, but if I had been thinking ahead, I would have frozen some and used them as ice cubes.

May 15 – Atone-Mint

Making Amends

I’ve been a bad, bad boy and the TV court judges – your Judys, Joe Browns, and the like – have sentenced me to atone for my sundry misdeeds. And there are a lot of them:

I am the legendary D.B. Cooper

That’s right, my little sippers. At the ripe age of minus-12, I boarded Northwest Orient Airlines Flight 305 and made off with $200,000. I promptly blew the money on baby food and diapers for my impending birth more than a decade later. For me, it was all about the thrill. All the fame and notoriety that followed was icing on the cake, although like Batman, I could never soak up the adulation.

db-cooper

I am the cause of power outages

Because of the massive amounts of electricity that flows through my body, I am a surge protector’s worst nightmare. Take all the electricity-based super villians – Electro, Shocker, Livewire – put them together and they still have nothing on me. You can ask Mrs. Sip… every time I touch her she gets shocked. I laugh a boisterous bad guy laugh, she lets out a soft whimper, and that’s the end of our foreplay!

I failed to stop the vampire craze

When I was younger, I took it upon myself to patrol the online message boards of the vast and lawless internet. I was one part Steve McGarrett from Hawaii 5-0 and two parts Carl Winslow from Family Matters. My assignment, which I chose to accept, was to kibosh any positive talk about the return of any “monster” movies. Frankenstein – never stood a chance; Wolfman – pssh, please… I slipped up, though. I figured no one would ever get so obsessed with vampires again. So, yes, I am to blame for all the Twilights, the True Bloods, the Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunters. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking about where I went wrong. Frighteningly, my tears are those creepy vampire blood ones…

I am the reason sneezes sometimes don’t come out

Don’t you hate it when that happens? It’s worse than being stuck in a car after drinking a Big Gulp with no restroom in sight. Well, friends, I’m to blame for your lack of release (that’s what she said). You see, this all began when I was just a young’un. I took great delight in distracting people just as they were about to sneeze and as we all know, that precious moment can pass quickly. As I grew older, I had to be stealthier with these attacks. Not many people will hit a devious kid, but a punk teenager should be throttled if justified. This behavior has continued into my adult years and now I’m able to do it telepathically, having refined my skills to such an nth degree.

sneezing

I am to blame for potato chip price inflation

This one is all about supply and demand. Prices go up because I destroy much of the supply and there’s still a huge demand for the salty, delicious snack. Thankfully, my sponsors (not the AA type, although if there were a Chipoholics anonymous, I might be their first patron) keep me well stocked and in the chippy-filled lifestyle to which I have become accustomed.

Global warming… you can pin that on me, too

My sincerest apologies to the polar ice caps… I’m just so damn hot that I’m warming up this little world of ours and causing melting of massive chunks of ice. The Game of Thrones Northerners would be so pissed with me. They keep saying that “winter is coming”, but not as long as I’m around. I’m trying to reduce my thermal excretions (wow, that sounds so unsexy), particularly for all the animals I’d be affecting. I love penguins, polar bears, and such and will do everything in my power to see that they are safe and comfortable.

Drink #135: Atone-Mint

May 15 (1)

  • Muddle Mint, Strawberries and Lemon Wedges
  • 1.5 oz Blueberry Vodka (I used Smirnoff)
  • Splash of Lemon Juice
  • Top with Lemon-Lime Soda

What I really need to apologize for is for being so awesome. Not only can the club not handle me, but most of the world just can’t compete at my level. I leave it all on the floor, day-in, day-out.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was really enjoyable. The Blueberry Vodka was a nice twist in a Mojito-style cocktail and having so much muddled goodness floating around gave the beverage a wicked presentation. This will be a wonderful summer selection and I can’t wait for the sun to come back and party for a while!