January 17 – Attorney Privilege

Order in the Court

With Mrs. Sip’s birthday right around the corner, I thought I’d salute her profession and take a look at the greatest fictional lawyers. I have to preface this piece by saying that I did not include serious legal dramas, such as Law & Order (and all its subsidiaries), The Practice, Boston Legal, etc. So, without further ado, here are the litigators I’d choose to have watching my interests!

#5: Barry Zuckercorn – Arrested Development

Barry Zuckercorn has looked after the legal interests of the Bluth family for decades, but is out of his league when George Sr. is arrested and charged with investment fraud and even treason against the country. After years of negligent representation, Zuckercorn is finally replaced by the smooth, fast-talking Bob Loblaw, although is hired back when Loblaw deserts the Bluth’s. Still, you gotta love a lawyer whose ads ask: “Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed?”

Zuckercorn

#4: Dan Fielding & Christine Sullivan – Night Court

One of the things that made Night Court so amazing was the banter back and forth between district attorney Dan Fielding and public defender Christine Sullivan – throw in judge Harold T. Stone and you have the makings of some fine legal repartee. Ironically, it was the sleazy, womanizing Fielding who was actually the prosecutor, while truthful and naïve Sullivan was the public defender. And who couldn’t love that wicked theme song blasted at the start of each episode!

#3: Lionel Hutz – The Simpsons

Lionel Hutz is an ambulance chasing, injury-faking, schyster, who makes every joke about lawyers seem accurate and all contempt hurled towards that profession justifiable. Hutz represented the Simpson family in a variety of suits, including Bart being hit by Mr. Burns vehicle, Bart ingesting a jagged metal Krusty-O cereal toy, and Homer being barred from a seafood buffet. This character could have had so many more great moments had its voice actor Phil Hartman not been tragically killed.

Lionel Hutz

#2: Vincent Gambini – My Cousin Vinny

The gruff, inexperienced lawyer – who seemed to be out of his element in the courtroom – eventually earned the respect of the entire court, including the judge who jailed him for contempt. Vinny’s different style of practicing law saves his wrongly accused cousin from a murder charge and possible death penalty. A sequel to the film never took place, despite a script being written. Marisa Tomei, despite winning an Oscar for her role as Vinny’s girlfriend, was not interested in reprising the character.

#1: Saul Goodman – Breaking Bad

When you represent (among other seedy clients) a pair of meth cooks, you’re bound to get a little dirty yourself… and that’s just the way Saul likes it. Heck, Saul Goodman isn’t even the guy’s real name. If you break it down, he’s really saying “It’s all good, man!” Saul is willing to go to all lengths for his clients, so long as the compensation is there. Saul will be getting his own show soon, aired exclusively on Netflix. So, if you ever find yourself in trouble, you “Better Call Saul!”

Super Saturday Shot Day: Attorney Privilege

Attorney Privilege Shot

  • 1 oz Bourbon
  • 0.5 oz Orgeat Syrup
  • Dash of Angostura Bitters
  • Garnish with a Lemon Twist

Wow, was this ever a hard list to narrow down… I would also hire Fletcher Reede (Liar Liar), at least before he went all soft; Harvey Birdman (Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law), because the Sip Advisor is really a rejected Hanna-Barbera animated character; and Ben Matlock and Perry Mason, simply because they’re badass lawyers who rarely lose a case, despite having the odds stacked against them!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I decided to go with this shooter, over another recipe, because Mrs. Sip is a fan of Orgeat Syrup and this drink is dedicated to her, after all! It was pretty good and what I would call a Man’s Man shot, what with the classic Bourbon and Angostura Bitters combo. This would make for a Mad Man-esque cocktail, if the proportions were upped.

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June 7 – Theme Songs

Musical Interlude

On one episode of Big Bang Theory, Sheldon reveals his favourite TV theme songs to be Inspector Gadget, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Spider-Man. While these are all fine selections in their own right, it got me thinking about which TV title tracks are really the greatest. That list is as follows!

#5: Disney Afternoon

Like Sheldon, I have a great fondness for my childhood. When I discussed this article with Mrs. Sip, she was quick to point out some absolutely spectacular music I had neglected, particularly entries from the Disney block of afternoon cartoons, including DuckTales, Rescue Rangers, TaleSpin, Darkwing Duck, and Goof Troop. Songwriter Mark Mueller was responsible for both DuckTales and Rescue Rangers and the others hold their own as memorable bits of my youth.

#4: Good Times

This theme song really speaks to anyone out there who tries to keep a bright outlook and smile on their face despite any hardships they may be wading through. “Temporary layoffs… Good Times. Easy credit rip offs… Good Times. Scratchin’ and surviving… Good Times.” There’s an episode of Chappelle Show which sees Dave Chappelle quiz various participants about the lyrics of this song, showing its true meaning to pop culture. “Ain’t we lucky we got ’em… Good Times!”

#3: Golden Girls

Thank you for being a friend, indeed. Such an awesome show deserves an equally epic theme. You really have to admire the work of everyone who touched this project, as they made elderly women an entertaining subject. The one lyric I disagree with is the one about the biggest gift being from that friend because there’s nothing wrong with presents that come in small packages: rings, earrings, necklaces… aren’t these really the presents women want!?

#2: TGIF Shows

We’re talking about the ditties from Full House (Everywhere You Look), Family Matters (As Days Go By), and Step by Step (Second Time Around), all written and performed by Jesse Frederick. The songs can sometimes be interchangeable, as I will often be humming one and it will transition right into another family sitcom classic. If you play them for a TGIF rookie, they will often confuse them for being the start to another show and I only give that person crap for the rest of our existence knowing one another, as a result of their tragic blunder.

#1: Growing Pains

I love to get under Mrs. Sip’s skin by blasting this tune at the highest of volumes and belting out the lyrics as shrilly as my voice can get. I even tried to get it added to our wedding playlist, arguing that it was “my jam,” but apparently that doesn’t hold the weight I wish it did. The only difficulty with the song is trying to cover both the male and female portions of the duet. It’s tricky, but if done properly, you can bet your previously intimate night will be no more… trust me!

Super Saturday Shot Day: Theme Songs

Theme Songs Shot

  • 1 oz Tattoo Rum
  • Dash of Ice Cream
  • Garnish with Sprinkles

Some of my proudest geek moments have been playing TV theme song trivia quizzes on cruise ships. Nothing says nerd of the highest variety than scoring 39 out of 40 and walking away with a little trophy for your years of sitting in front of the tube effort! Honourable mentions to Night Court, the 1960’s Batman, Benny Hill, Odd Couple, Saved by the Bell, and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air… great songs I just couldn’t wedge into this post.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I used Drinkify.org to find this recipe. The site suggests which drink to pair with whatever music you’re listening to. I searched for “TV Themes” and this came up. It specified 8 oz of Rum and 8 oz of Ice Cream, which is a little insane, so I condensed the recipe down to shot form. In fact, all of the site’s measurements seem a little out of whack and in many cases, it’s suggested to just drink straight liquor, but it’s still a neat idea in principle. As for the shooter itself, it was good. I’d been saving some Captain Morgan Tattoo Rum for a while and this was the perfect recipe for it.

February 5 – Tequila Fizz

Party People

The Tequila Fizz seems like a fun drink to have at a shindig. That said, do you want to play a game (in my best Jigsaw voice)? Okay, you’re planning an epic night of boozing. You can invite anyone in the universe… who would be on your guest list? Here’s who would be receiving a save-the-date from The Sip Advisor!

Andre the Giant

The drinking exploits of this 7’5″, 500-pound badass are legendary. The “8th Wonder of the World” could drink anyone under the table, so unless you are one part Irish, one part German, and two parts tree shrew, don’t even bother challenging him. He had been known to drink 156 beers in one sitting and 16 bottles of wine before wrestling three matches without showing signs of inebriation. With every group, it’s always good to have an intimidating force to back up the boys who may step out of line and cause some trouble. Andre would be that force and these next guys would be causing the mayhem…

Andre the Giant

That’s Andre’s hand wrapped around a beer can!

The Jackass Gang

You’d likely end up with some bumps and bruises, but you’d sure have a lot of fun in the process. Johnny Knoxville and company are the kings of getting into sticky situations. Thankfully, for their own wellbeing, a lot of these guys have taking the effort to sober up in recent years. That may mean a little less craziness, but these guys toned down are like normal people going on a bender.

John ‘Bluto’ Blutarsky

Bluto was like a one-man wrecking ball, destroying everything in his path. Of course, his best scene in Animal House is the cafeteria food fight, which begins with him loading up his plate with a mess of different items. This was all improv by Belushi and is a classic film moment. It is on my bucket list to be involved in a food fight and Bluto might be the man to facilitate that.

John-Bluto-Blutarsky

Slimer

He may not look like much, but Slimer is a good dude, with a heart of gold. Slimer would be junior vice-president of snacks and as long as he kept the unit’s supply of licorice, sour crème and onion chips, chocolate-covered peanuts and raisins and cookies well-stocked, he’d get top marks in my book. It’s been pointed out to me that Slimer might eat all our snacks, himself, but I trust the green glob.

Harry T. Stone

The jokester judge would be fun to have along for the ride and it might not be a bad idea to have a man of the court in our back pocket given the collection of rascals I’m assembling.

The Electric Mayhem

Who wouldn’t want to invite friends to a party who would jam to some awesome tunes, bring with them the rock n’ roll lifestyle, yet are soft as sock puppets? Anywhere we travelled, these guys could set their stuff up, play a few numbers and earn the crew some free drinks… maybe even some Muppet strange (they must have groupies, right!?). The best part is that we’d always have good music while we were partying to excess.

Electric Mayhem

Hamburglar

Anyone who has a penchant for stealing burgers is on my A-list. Although, he did get caught a lot and his communication skills don’t seem very adequate. Perhaps will leave him in the car with the next member of our soiree…

Lindsay Lohan

Lastly, Li-Lo gets an e-vite, but only as the groups designated driver, of course!

Drink #36: Tequila Fizz

Tequila Fizz Drink Recipe

  • 1.5 oz Tequila
  • Splash of Lemon Juice
  • Splash of Grenadine
  • Dash of Egg Whites
  • Top with Cranberry Ginger Ale

Mix all the ingredients, except the ginger ale, together in a shaker, pour into a Collins glass and then top with the pop. Who would you party with if you could choose anyone in the world? Let me know and maybe your clique can have a dance-off with me and the rest of The Revolution!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
It’s funny how much foam the Egg White created in this cocktail. Not a bad recipe here, but I’d love to try it without the Grenadine, which I feel can bog down some drinks.