September 12 – Life Flight

Frenzied Flights

As Mrs. Sip and I prepare for a 36-hour flight itinerary from Vancouver, Canada to Livingstone, Zambia, I am reminded of the many plane rides from hell that have entertained us over the years. Hopefully the two of us won’t have to deal with any convicts, terrorists, or venomous snakes, among other obstacles, and the journey is nothing but smooth sailings. These folks weren’t so lucky!

#5: Airplane!

Food on flights is pretty awful a majority of the time and mass food poisoning is only one of the many mishaps the passengers of Flight #209 had to deal with. Even their pilot was stricken by the illness. Personally, I’m still hesitant to touch airline meals after getting sick following our flight from Morocco to London last year and it’s not like I ever craved the barely-passable-as-food substances anyway.

airplane-boop

#4: Snakes on a Plane

While I’m fascinated by snakes, I’m also terrified of the creatures. If I was aboard a flight where dozens of the poisonous reptiles were unleashed (and stimulated to attack), the Sip Advisor would be hysterical and yes, there would be just as much cursing coming from my mouth as Samuel L. Jackson’s. You know, just minus the heroic courage and quotable punchlines!

#3: Con Air

As if snakes weren’t bad enough, imagine a plane full of violent criminals. That’s certainly not pleasant, but on the upside, you’re the one wrongly-convicted dude amongst them and you’ve served your time and just want to get home to your woman and baby girl. Of course, things don’t go according to plan and not even the worst southern accent in the history of film will help you!

first-class-passengers

#2: Air Force One

The concept of terrorists aboard an airliner became all too real, thanks to the 9/11 attacks. Back in 1997, though, it was largely Hollywood action fodder. So, Indiana Jones… er, I mean President James Marshall (played by Harrison Ford), finds himself aboard the Commander-in-Chief’s private plane, except he’s not alone. He’s joined by members of a Russian terrorist group and they’re looking for a bargaining chip.

#1: Twilight Zone

One of the worst aspects of air travel is your fellow passengers. They can be rude, smelly, anxious, obnoxious, and inconsiderate. I’ve even been on a few flights where passengers have nearly come to blows. What would be even worse, would be a passenger complaining about a monster being on the wing of your plane… especially if you’re trying to grab a little shuteye. The crazy part is the guy was actually right – dun dun dun!

Super Saturday Shot Day: Life Flight

It should also be noted that Launchpad McQuack of DuckTales and Darkwing Duck fame has one of the worst pilot records in history. Sure, once he’s up in the air, he’s a deft pilot. Problem is, he’s never met a landing that he liked, making for a white-knuckle ride every time!

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May 23 – Mad Tea

Happiest Drinking on Earth

With Disneyland’s 60th anniversary celebration beginning this weekend, it’s certainly time to party. Now, if the Sip Advisor ends up on the receiving end of an invitation to the affair, I have to decide who I want to enjoy the evening with. Here are some great Disney characters to share a drink with!

#5: Belle

It’s always good to have a hot babe on your arm (or on the barstool next to you), as you enter any drinking hole. This is one of many reasons I keep Mrs. Sip as happy as possible and in my gainful employ. Sure, Belle is a little too into her books (so is Mrs. Sip) and that goes against the Sip Advisor’s grain, but behaviours can be changed. Being educated is a good base to have and I have to think that behind the whole prim and proper attitude, Belle’s a bit of a freak. After all, she did get together with a beast!

Belle Beasts

#4: Winnie the Pooh and Tigger

When going for wobbly pops in the 100 Acre Forest, I’d choose Winnie the Pooh and Tigger as my wingmen. Eeyore is forbidden from joining us, thanks to his gloomy view of the world, while Piglet is only invited so we have a designated driver on hand. Imagine the crazy things you could probably convince Tigger to do for your own entertainment? Plus, Pooh often gets gluttonous munchies similar to me, only his vice is a pot of honey, while the Sip Advisor is quick to reach for a bag of potato chips.

#3: Mr. Toad

If the parties thrown at Toad Hall are any evidence, the eccentric amphibian knows how to host a good shindig. We’re talking open bar, troublemaking weasels, people swinging from chandeliers… you know, all the good things in life! One issue might be Mr. Toad’s penchant for driving while under the influence – a definite no-no in the Sip Advisor’s books. Perhaps he needs me to keep him on the straight and narrow. His overbearing friends are also of concern, but we just won’t invite them.

mr-toads-ride

#2: Scrooge McDuck

Along with trading stories with the well-travelled mogul, Scrooge McDuck would be able to cover any tab the two of you racked up. We’re talking enjoying some of the world’s most expensive liquors in locales around the world, as you experience your latest DuckTale! I’m sure it wouldn’t take long for the Sip Advisor to earn a spot amongst McDuck’s nephews. Hell, I can’t be any more annoying than the accident prone Launchpad McQuack or the hapless Fenton Crackshell.

#1: Baloo

Baloo seems like a totally down-to-earth bear, needing only the bare necessities of life to get by. That’s what I look for most in a drinking companion. I prefer people who are easy going and don’t have a whole lot of drama surrounding them. There’s also the fact that Baloo has access to his own private plane and could fly the two of us to any remote location we want to visit. Hell, his buddy King Louie even has his own joint, Louie’s Place, where we can drink the place dry and probably for free!

Super Saturday Shot Day: Mad Tea

  • 0.5 oz Gin
  • 0.5 oz Green Tea
  • Splash of Sour Mix
  • Garnish with Mint Leaves

While narrowing this list was difficult, there are a number of Disney characters that you certainly wouldn’t want to sit down to drinks with. Cruella de Vil would certainly turn nasty and you’d have to think that Donald Duck would get quite mean after a few too many beverages. Then, there’s Jiminy Cricket… who the hell wants to have their conscience around when they’re slamming back the booze and getting up to stupid stuff!

Scotland – Macbeth’s Dream

Land of Make Believe

When picking what to write about for our visit to Scotland, golf was an obvious choice. And while there was an abundance of options for a second article, I kept being steered towards fictional characters. Rather than spend a fair bit of time on only one of these individuals, I’ve decided to split my time and cover the gamut of my favourite Scots. Hell, even some of Scotland’s most famous real-life citizens have been largely fictionalized in media portrayals following their deaths. So, let’s take a look at some of these fine fictional figures:

Scrooge McDuck

An all-time favourite character of the Sip Advisor, Scrooge McDuck can do no wrong. Do you know that he has even invited me over for a swim in his vault? Physics be damned, we had a hell of a time wading through all his gold and jewels. There’s a great DuckTales episode where Scrooge and family return to his native Scotland and Castle McDuck, which is being haunted by druids and a ghost hound. The fictional McDuck has actually been honoured in Glasgow as a famous citizen of the city.

Duck Dynasty

William Wallace

Braveheart is a wicked awesome movie and can be forgiven for all of the creative license the production took on the real-life version of Scotland’s fight for independence. Wallace (or at least his fictionalized version) is a born leader, who has been wronged too many times by the ruling English. In response, he pulls together an army of like-minded Scots to finally take arms against the English and win back their land. I won’t spoil the story, but let’s just say things could have turned out better.

Merida

Brave centers on this young Scottish princess, who isn’t ready to take on the role she is destined for. She wants to get dirty, ride horses, and shoot her bow and arrow. She certainly doesn’t want to be married off to a boy she’s never met or be responsible for ruling over her subjects. This difference of opinion causes a rift between Merida and her mother and an errant use of magic makes matter worse. Can the curse be reversed in time, restoring peace and order to the Scottish Highlands?

Loch Ness Monster

Without the advent of ol’ Nessie, I don’t think many people would travel to Loch Ness. While the area looks beautiful, the real drawing power here is the legend of the monster. Similar legends of underwater creatures exist around the world (including the Ogopogo, just a few hours away from the Sip Advisor’s home base), but the Loch Ness version is by far the most famous. To be fair, she was discovered by Mr. Burns on an episode of The Simpsons, so perhaps all the sightings weren’t hoaxes.

Kitty Loch Ness

Groundskeeper Willie

Speaking of The Simpsons, one of the funniest secondary characters on the show has to be this cynical, downtrodden Scotsman. The often kilt-clad Willie hails from Kirkwall in Orkney, a dispute that had to be settled when both Glasgow and Aberdeen laid claim to the groundskeeper. Much humour is derived from other characters not being able to understand what Willie is saying and also his penchant for ripping his clothes off to reveal a ripped and toned body.

Shrek

Sticking with the animated world, Shrek may be based off other nationalities (thought to be a stereotype of medieval Hungarians), but his voice is 100% Scottish. The role was originally intended for Bill Murray and later Chris Farley, before Mike Myers joined the project. After watching a rough cut, Myers asked to re-voice the character with a Scottish accent (which he also used as Fat Bastard in the Austin Powers franchise) and the rest is fairytale history.

Hulk to Shrek

Macbeth

This Shakespearean play (one of the original game of thrones) is based off the real-life King Macbeth of Scotland, although ol’ Billy Shakes takes Macbeth and makes him a regicidal anti-hero, who kills for the role of ruler. Because of his actions, Macbeth’s conscience won’t let him enjoy his ascension and when his wife, Lady Macbeth, goes crazy from guilt – despite pushing her husband into the whole scheme – both are tragically dealt with in typical Shakespeare style.

Montgomery Scott

Whenever Captain Kirk demanded, “Beam me up, Scotty!” he was referring to Montgomery Scott, the engineer of the USS Enterprise. Scott, in the original Star Trek series, was actually played by Canadian, James Doohan, who auditioned for the role using a variety of accents. Creator Gene Roddenberry settled on the Scottish accent, when Doohan explained that the Scots had a storied history of nautical engineering. Ironically, the character was almost completely cut from the series.

Scotland: Macbeth’s Dream

Macbeth's Dream Martini

  • 2 oz Scotch
  • 0.25 oz Triple Sec
  • 0.25 oz Amaretto
  • Splash of Lemon Juice
  • Dash of Orange Bitters
  • Pinch of Sugar
  • Garnish with an Orange Slice

In closing, it should be pointed out that the Sip Advisor is actually the greatest fictional character of Scottish descent. Hailing from the Clan Wilson, makers of fine scotch, bagpipes, and kilts, we also took the legend of Rob Roy and turned it into a cocktail!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I think this recipe ended up being a little too sweet thanks to ingredients like Triple Sec, Amaretto, and the Sugar. That said, it went down easy enough and the Scotch had its typical smoky finish to boot.

June 7 – Theme Songs

Musical Interlude

On one episode of Big Bang Theory, Sheldon reveals his favourite TV theme songs to be Inspector Gadget, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Spider-Man. While these are all fine selections in their own right, it got me thinking about which TV title tracks are really the greatest. That list is as follows!

#5: Disney Afternoon

Like Sheldon, I have a great fondness for my childhood. When I discussed this article with Mrs. Sip, she was quick to point out some absolutely spectacular music I had neglected, particularly entries from the Disney block of afternoon cartoons, including DuckTales, Rescue Rangers, TaleSpin, Darkwing Duck, and Goof Troop. Songwriter Mark Mueller was responsible for both DuckTales and Rescue Rangers and the others hold their own as memorable bits of my youth.

#4: Good Times

This theme song really speaks to anyone out there who tries to keep a bright outlook and smile on their face despite any hardships they may be wading through. “Temporary layoffs… Good Times. Easy credit rip offs… Good Times. Scratchin’ and surviving… Good Times.” There’s an episode of Chappelle Show which sees Dave Chappelle quiz various participants about the lyrics of this song, showing its true meaning to pop culture. “Ain’t we lucky we got ’em… Good Times!”

#3: Golden Girls

Thank you for being a friend, indeed. Such an awesome show deserves an equally epic theme. You really have to admire the work of everyone who touched this project, as they made elderly women an entertaining subject. The one lyric I disagree with is the one about the biggest gift being from that friend because there’s nothing wrong with presents that come in small packages: rings, earrings, necklaces… aren’t these really the presents women want!?

#2: TGIF Shows

We’re talking about the ditties from Full House (Everywhere You Look), Family Matters (As Days Go By), and Step by Step (Second Time Around), all written and performed by Jesse Frederick. The songs can sometimes be interchangeable, as I will often be humming one and it will transition right into another family sitcom classic. If you play them for a TGIF rookie, they will often confuse them for being the start to another show and I only give that person crap for the rest of our existence knowing one another, as a result of their tragic blunder.

#1: Growing Pains

I love to get under Mrs. Sip’s skin by blasting this tune at the highest of volumes and belting out the lyrics as shrilly as my voice can get. I even tried to get it added to our wedding playlist, arguing that it was “my jam,” but apparently that doesn’t hold the weight I wish it did. The only difficulty with the song is trying to cover both the male and female portions of the duet. It’s tricky, but if done properly, you can bet your previously intimate night will be no more… trust me!

Super Saturday Shot Day: Theme Songs

Theme Songs Shot

  • 1 oz Tattoo Rum
  • Dash of Ice Cream
  • Garnish with Sprinkles

Some of my proudest geek moments have been playing TV theme song trivia quizzes on cruise ships. Nothing says nerd of the highest variety than scoring 39 out of 40 and walking away with a little trophy for your years of sitting in front of the tube effort! Honourable mentions to Night Court, the 1960’s Batman, Benny Hill, Odd Couple, Saved by the Bell, and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air… great songs I just couldn’t wedge into this post.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I used Drinkify.org to find this recipe. The site suggests which drink to pair with whatever music you’re listening to. I searched for “TV Themes” and this came up. It specified 8 oz of Rum and 8 oz of Ice Cream, which is a little insane, so I condensed the recipe down to shot form. In fact, all of the site’s measurements seem a little out of whack and in many cases, it’s suggested to just drink straight liquor, but it’s still a neat idea in principle. As for the shooter itself, it was good. I’d been saving some Captain Morgan Tattoo Rum for a while and this was the perfect recipe for it.

United States – The Revolver

Living Arrangements

It would be neat if we could find ourselves living in one of the fictional cities we read about or see in movies or on TV. Most of these fictional cities are located across the United States (our next stop on the worldwide liquor express) and here are the places I’d choose to reside if given the option:

South Park – South Park

There always seems to be crazy shit going down in South Park. It has been the epicenter for nearly all the world’s activity since 1997, including attacks by Mecha-Streisand (a mechanized Barbara Streisand), the initiation of same-sex marriage laws, and the battle ground for artists and consumers over illegal downloading, among so much else. Heck, both Jesus and Satan have resided in the small Colorado town, with Jesus even hosting a public access call-in TV show!

South_Park

Duckburg – DuckTales

Hopefully I’d be part of Scrooge McDuck’s inner circle and get to join him, Launchpad McQuack, and the gang on all their jet-setting adventures. If I wound up as one of the Beagle Boys, I don’t think I’d enjoy the experience nearly as much. Perhaps Scrooge and I could go for a dip in his vault and have a coin fight. We’d be the best of friends until I got greedy and stole his lucky dime. Then Flintheart Glomgold  and myself would go on the lam as filthy rich baddies.

Gotham City – Batman

The only thing to decide before settling in Gotham City is whether you’re going to be a hero or a villain. That’s actually a really difficult decision for me. I think I’ve spent too much of my life being a good guy and it might be time for a change… time to do something different and look after number one for a little while. Of course, that means I’ll have to battle Batman, rather than fight beside him, but I’m game. Hopefully I get some hot tail, too, like Harley Quinn, Catwoman, or Poison Ivy!

Springfield – The Simpsons

While there are actual Springfield’s across the United States, it still seems like this version is very much fictional. It probably helps that the state in which the Simpsons et al reside is never fully disclosed. It’s hinted at from time to time, but those hints often change and bury the mystery deeper and deeper. I think I’d be able to find a nice life in Springfield, hanging out at Moe’s Tavern and chowing down at Krusty Burger.

simpsons-springfield

Storybrooke – Once Upon a Time

I’ve actually been to Storybrooke… or at least the town (Steveston) where much of the show’s exterior shots are filmed. It’s only a half hour drive from Mrs. Sip’s and my home and we once upon a time went out that way for dinner and tracked down Mr. Gold’s pawn shop and other landmarks. Through Storybrooke, I could also visit places like Neverland, Wonderland, and the Enchanted Forest. That’s getting into a whole nother can of worms, dealing with fictional realms.

Pawnee – Parks and Recreation

The United States’ fourth most obese city, my svelte body may stick out like a sore thumb, but at least I could work with the Parks and Rec crew (perhaps the only time I’d ever be interested in government work). I’d make sure that Ron Swanson became my mentor and through his tutelage, I could amass a fortune of gold bars and an appreciation for outdoor life, woodwork, and simply being a man’s man.

Pawnee

Any Soap Opera Town – General Hospital, One Life to Live, Young and the Restless, etc.

Who wouldn’t want to live in a town where it seems nobody ever works and all they do is have romantic trysts and get into sticky situations!? Nobody is ever in need of money, unless you’re introduced as a homeless character and you don’t have to feel bad about committing evil acts because months later, you’ll likely redeem yourself and become a good guy, once again. Murderers, rapists, kidnappers, and the like have all become fan favourites in the Soaps.

Toontown – Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Living as a cartoon character would be pretty sweet. You can never die, no matter how many anvils or pianos are dropped on your head, and you spend most of your day scheming to catch a bird or mouse. If I had to pick the character that best matches my personality, it would probably be Wile E. Coyote, with a sprinkle of Taz. My plans – as elaborate as they may be – never really work out and that drives me to whirlwind fits of rage, despite my good heart!

United States: The Revolver

The Revolver Drink Recipe

  • 2 oz Jim Beam Bourbon
  • 0.5 oz Kahlua
  • Dashes of Orange Bitters
  • Garnish with Orange Zest

Honourable Mentions go to Mayberry (Andy Griffiths Show), Bedrock (The Flintstones), and Sunnydale (Buffy the Vampire Slayer). The last one makes the list only so I can be the one to slay the slayer!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I really thought I’d like this cocktail more. Perhaps I went too light on the Orange Bitters. It was a touch too strong on the Bourbon side and I even used Black Cherry and not straight up Jim Beam. I do love what I did with the Orange Zest, so pat on the back for me!