August 31 – Brain Freeze

Roasted

During Frozen Cocktail Week, I subbed Jell-O shots in as the Super Saturday Shot Day post, rather than create a frozen shot… for I believed a frozen shot to be an utterly insane and useless creation. Here we are two weeks later and I have in fact created a frozen shot, inside a frozen shot glass, no less. Mrs. Sip insisted it be done and here it is… now you all have her to blame for your ice cream headaches!

With that in mind, let’s take a few moments together to roast Mrs. Sip. She may be the best thing that ever happened to me, but that doesn’t mean she’s immune from a little Sip justice!

Stuck in Rome

Mrs. Sip and I love Rome, particularly the Trevi Fountain, which we have visited multiple times during the day and at night. On our last trip there in 2007, we had already stopped by during the day with our tour group, before we went off on our own for a romantic dinner. When our meal was complete, night had fallen and Mrs. Sip insisted on returning to the fountain for a twilight viewing. Off we went, snapped a couple photos, watched a drunk guy jump in, and tossed a penny into the attraction (usually a penny for a wish to return to Rome, but since the drunk guy may have been collecting them, let’s just call it charity). When we made our way back to the subway, we were met by a locked gate. Keep in mind it was only 9 pm on a Friday night… there was no way the line could be closed.

Trevi Fountain

Frantically we searched for another entrance with no luck. The place our group was staying was 40 minutes outside the city by transport, so taking a cab was clearly not an option for us poor students. We tried figuring out a bus route that might get us to the train line we needed to take, but ultimately ended up stranded in the middle of nowhere in the middle of nowhere. Looking for a safe place to stay until the trains started running again at 5am, we ended up inside an American-themed hot dog and waffle joint that was open late. The Italian waitress, who spoke no English, and one beyond-drunk customer were our only company. As Mrs. Sip napped on our little table, the drunk dude tried in loud Italian, which I don’t speak, and violent hand gestures to communicate with me. When he noticed that I clearly didn’t understand he spoke even louder (because that does the trick, obviously) Finally I got across that he knew a guy who could rent us a room..by the hour…right.

Night turned into morning and we left our little slice of salvation en route back to the train station… with our still drunk, helpful, Italian associate in tow. Fear not, little sippers, he ended up coming in handy. When we reached the station we caught the first train of the day and were off. But our day pass transit tickets had now technically expired and we had spent the last of our cash on waffles on a stick. Enter our drunk Italian friend (yes, he was our friend now) who explained to the ticket collector our struggle and situation and the nice man allowed us to continue on our journey uninterrupted. We finally made it back to our campsite at 6:30am, with enough time for an hour-long nap, before we were back aboard the bus and onto our next destination.

Lost in Monaco

Here’s another tale from that same circuit tour of Europe… we had some sketchy luck during that vacation. Mrs. Sip and I had just spent an amazing evening in Monaco, walking to the city’s famous palace and enjoying the luxury casinos in the heart of the metropolis. As our tour group reconvened and headed back to the bus for the journey back to our humble (and I really mean that) abode. Along the way, Mrs. Sip stopped to take some photos and joined one of our fellow traveler in his. I kept with the group, theorizing that I could at least grab us some seats together on the bus.

Monaco

When I boarded the bus, I quickly grabbed us a spot and watched the rest of the group pour one-by-one back onto the coach. With each passing person, I grew more anxious. Then, the once steady stream stopped and nobody else seemed to be coming. I looked around the entire bus, thinking perhaps she had boarded and didn’t see me and vice versa… no such luck. I began to panic a little as our tour guide asked if anyone was missing. Mrs. Sip and one other passenger were not with the group. The minutes seemed like hours as I waited. The bus couldn’t wait around all night, as the drivers have very strict rules as to how long they can be driving and how much time off they need before journeys.

It was time to go and I had to hurriedly hustle off the coach, so as not to leave Mrs. Sip behind (wherever she might be). For some reason, I had Mrs. Sip’s passport, wallet, and credit card on me and Mrs. Sip had just our camera…and the only map of Monaco we had. Fantastic. Thankfully, I went no further than a few steps when I spotted Mrs. Sip hauling ass towards the bus. She and the other missing passenger had taken a wrong turn trying to catch up to the group after their photo and had run back and forth through an underground tunnel vainly trying to find us. We flagged down our bus, quickly boarded and were off again with only 90% of the bus giving the future Mrs. Sip disapproving looks.

Karate Kid

Mrs. Sip can be a funny specimen when she’s inebriated, although I guess we all can. During her university days, Mrs. Sip lived with a bunch of roommates who were very tight, being in the same sorority and some of them having been friends even before living together. After the girls went out for their end-of-the-year dinner, a bunch of their respective guys came up to join the party. When I arrived, Mrs. Sip and I went into her room so I could drop off my things and get settled in and she can change from her cocktail dress to something more comfy. As I sat in her computer chair, she started doing a karate-like interpretive dance and said that she could perform a roundhouse kick over my head.

Karate

Amused and curious to see where this might lead, I allowed her to make her challenge. Then, without warning, she backed up and went to fire her leg over my head… only her leg never got anywhere near me and instead, all that I heard as I closed my eyes was a sickening thud of flesh against desk. She had slammed her poor little foot, full force, right into the side of her desk and was now hopping around, howling. I’ve rarely seen Mrs. Sip cry… she’s cold as ice… but she was mighty close this time. The moans she was making had everyone in the nearby kitchen and living room thinking that the Sip Advisor was getting his swerve on. The other guys were cheering me on and congratulated me when I popped out of the room until I told them that I think she had broken her foot. The next day when I took her for x-rays, doctor’s, and hospital we had to explain over and over again that she had “kicked a desk” while I endured sidelong dubious glances from medical professionals. Ah well, I guess even Mrs. Sip is allowed a drunk faux pas every once in a while! (yes french pun intended)

Marrying the Sip Advisor

Perhaps the biggest mistake she’ll ever make! *rimshot*

Drink #243: Brain Freeze (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Brain Freeze Shot

  • 0.5 oz Kraken Black Spiced Rum
  • 0.5 oz 1800 Reposado Tequila
  • 0.5 oz Crowberry Frost Liqueur
  • Blend with Ice
  • Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry

Mrs. Sip knows the stress she often puts me through with her misadventures… at least we’ve earned some good stories out of our mistakes!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is the perfect dare shot. It is not the easiest to drink (brain freeze, sensitive teeth, stomach freeze, etc.), but it’s incredibly fun and unique. The Tequila taste came out the strongest with a lingering Spiced Rum finish. I liked adding some Maraschino Cherry Juice to make it look like the frozen brain was bleeding! Give it a try sometime!

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April 14 – Captain Aaron

Oh Captain, My Captain

There is only one man I trust to steer any ship I’m aboard… that’s my man, Captain Aaron! These are some other options I’d consider, even if most of them are nowhere near remotely real:

Captain Morgan

How could any Sip Advisor list in which an alcohol icon was a possible candidate, not lead off with said subject? Naturally, it can’t be any other way. While I’m more of a Sailor Jerry’s fan in the spiced rum category, Captain Morgan isn’t too shabby an alternative and I love the company’s ad campaigns.

Jesus Christ, the Cap`n gets a lot of sweet tail!

Sweet Jesus, the Cap`n sure gets a lot of sweet tail!

Captain Jack Sparrow

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me! Captain Jack Sparrow is a pretty resourceful guy. He can pretty much get himself out of any sticky situation, is pretty good at hunting long, lost treasure and is not too shabby with the ladies. More importantly, he’s a fan of the bottle and knows where to find hidden stashes of rum on deserted islands.

Captain Crunch

While Cap’n Crunch was far from my favourite cereal growing up, it was on the list of acceptable breakfast options I provided to Mama Sip as a youngster. Like any high profile athlete, my agent and I devised a list of demands that had to be met and cereal selection was chief among them.

Captain Kirk

Captain’s log, stardate 1077.69: I’ve never really been a science fiction nut, but I do have to give some respect to all the Trekkies out there, who show us what being passionate about something really should entail. Captain Kirk never has to buy a drink for himself as long as a geek is close by.

Captain Kirk

Captain America

While I’m more of a Tony Stark/Iron Man fan, Captain America is a strong leader, who I would be happy to follow into battle. Can you imagine a Canadian version of Captain America, who is light on crime and tries to help bad guys reform rather than punish them? Silly Captain Canada…

Captain Hook

I personally wouldn’t mind seeing Captain Hook get his hands on… oops! sorry, sensitive subject, I know, let me rephrase… get his hand and hook on Peter Pan. Maybe Hook can throw the little brat to the crocodile that’s always hounding him and use the time while the lizard is chowing down on some Pan to get some distance between himself and his pursuer.

Captain Hook

Captain McCallister

You might be wondering who this captain even is. Well, I have one word for you: Yarrrrr! Okay, I know all pirates are known to say this, so I’ll just give you the answer. It’s the resident Sea Captain from The Simpsons. Often seen with a corncob pipe and tapping his glass eye, Captain McCallister is not only delightfully incompetent, but gets bonus points for being created by comedian, writer, and late show host Conan O’Brien.

Captain Stubing

While Mrs. Sip and I were on our honeymoon cruise, we were able to watch a few episodes of The Love Boat and quickly fell in love with how laugh-track cheesy the show is. Captain Stubing played a large role in our fondness for the sitcom as he tried to control his band of misfit employees.

Drink #104: Captain Aaron (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Captain Aaron Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Kraken Black Spiced Rum
  • Top with Ginger Ale
  • Splash of Lemonade
  • Garnish with a Captain’s Hat (If you happen to have one just lying around!)

In the interest of full disclosure, while this is an original recipe, it has been borrowed from the man, the myth, the legend, Captain Aaron himself. Happy birthday, buddy!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
The Cap’n and I love using Ginger Ale as a mixer and I really enjoyed his touch of adding Lemonade to the blend. The Spiced Rum works well with both ingredients, so the whole group comes together quite nicely.

February 1 – The Preacher

Losing My Religion

The first month of the 365-day challenge here at The Sip Advisor is in the books and what a month it was. We had visitors from all around the world and had fun taking shots at everyone from the entire east coast of North America, to couples choosing terrible baby names, to fellas looking for love in all the wrong places.

Today, in theme with the featured cocktail, I will look at some of the craziest religions out there. I have various beliefs and my own code that I follow (not a Dexter-like serial killer code, of course), but I’m not religious in any way. If you believe in something, than you have every right to. I just find these factions to be a little too far out there for my own liking.

Snake handler

Pentecostal Snake Handlers

Like the great intellectual, daring, and handsome hero Indiana Jones, I have no weaknesses… except snakes… god I hate snakes. So, given that I also don’t like church, it seems like two strikes to combine the two to form a religion and the third strike comes when you learn that the founder of the modern movement (among other leaders and parishioners) died from a venomous bite. There’s even a court case from Alabama (big surprise there), in 1991, where a pastor was convicted of attempted murder and sentenced to 99 years in prison after he forced his wife to put her hand in a tank filled with rattlesnakes. Divorce (of snakes?) was forbidden by his church, so this was his bright idea as to how he could get out of the marriage.  Snakes on a Plane would have been a drastically shorter movie if it had taken place in a church full of religious zealots and I can just see Samuel L. Jackson: “I have had it with these motherfuckin’ snakes in this motherfuckin’ church.” Famous Follower: Moe Szyslak (The Simpsons)

Mormonism

They don’t drink. Period. I am down with having multiple wives taking care of me, though, minus the multiple children I would have to take care of. Famous Follower: Mitt Romney (U.S. Presidential Candidate)

Scientology

Scientology

Any religion that’s origin starts with the words “Galactic Confederacy”, “alien ruler”, and hell, “spacecraft” are hard to take seriously. If you want to see a good tearing apart of Scientology, watch any episode of South Park that deals with the religion. They even angered one of their own voice talents (Isaac Hayes, who voiced Chef), who ended up quitting the show, despite the fact the animated comedy rips on every single religion at one time or another. Famous follower: While many Hollywood stars are members of the Church of Scientology, perhaps to gain connections in the industry, Tom Cruise is far and above the most recognized face of the religion and has seen his own career (and possibly marriage, too) take major damage as a result of his devotion.

Raëlians

Another faith that has its origins in alien beliefs. These people use the swastika as a symbol of peace… oh yeah, that’s going to go over really well. Then they have the gull to ask for territory in Israel to put an embassy for extra-terrestrials (and we’re not talking about the bicycle flying, Reese’s Pieces eating type)… even I know that’s beyond stupid… and I wrote the book on stupid. It’s called The Idiot’s Guide to Being an Idiot by The Sip Advisor. However, I will give them credit for their belief that women should be able to go as topless as men can. Equality for all, right? Famous Follower: Rael’s Girls posed for an October 2004 spread in Playboy magazine.

Pastafarians

Pastafarians

Hulk Hogan once ran a restaurant called Pastamania, but I don’t think even he showed such high praise and devotion to pasta, like these folks do. These peeps aren’t that bad, though, preferring to take a light-hearted view towards religion. Amongst their beliefs are that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe after drinking heavily (really sounds like my type of deity), that pirates are divine beings and that every Friday is a holy day. Wow, where do I sign up? Famous Follower: One site I was reading said Jesus Christ was a Pastafarian… I should really find more reliable sources!

Church of Euthanasia

My main issue with this group is how can the church exist when the followers advocate that people kill themselves? It seems a little oxymoronic that they hold events like any other church, but if they truly follow what they believe, then shouldn’t they all be dead? Their gripe is with the overpopulation of the earth and therefore they advocate suicide, abortion, cannibalism (only of already dead people, duh!) and sodomy (because it doesn’t result in procreation) . Now I’m listening! Famous Follower: If I listed someone here, would they have to kill themselves? In that case, I pick Elmo.

Jehovah's Witnesses

Jehovah’s Witnesses

You don’t believe in birthdays and Christmas??? Fuck it, I’m out! No further discussion… I’m out. Famous Follower: Toss up between Michael Jackson and Lark Voorhees (Saved by the Bell)… gotta give it to Lark!

I can’t even begin to delve into the cults and religions based on race that exist in the world. My head is spinning from all the information I’ve already had to research. Let’s just get on with the drink o’ the day!

Drink #32: The Preacher

The Preacher Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Spiced Rum (I used Kraken Black Spiced Rum)
  • 0.5 oz Amaretto
  • Top with Cranberry Gingerale
  • Garnish with Orange slice

For those who want to subscribe to The Church of Sip, we convene every single day here. We will exercise your demons and get you drunk while doing so. Amen!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
Cranberry Ginger Ale has to be one of my favourite finds throughout this project. Then you add Kraken Black Spiced Rum and Amaretto and you have the makings of an amazing cocktail.