August 23 – Death Shot

Get the Tissues

There are some incredibly sad scenes in movies meant for children. Many of these incidents stick with kids, as they did with myself, and require some serious psychological therapy in adulthood. This is going to be a tough article to get through, so make sure you have a drink in one hand and a box of tissues in the other. Here are the Top 5 saddest scenes in kid’s movies:

#5: Rufio – Hook

The leader of the Lost Boys in Peter Pan’s absence, Rufio takes the longest time to accept Peter back into fold, even while other members of the group welcome their long lost front man. Rufio’s death is so shocking because of his young age and childhood exuberance. Not to mention, he and Peter had finally become friends-on again and Rufio is shot point blank by Captain Hook during a climactic battle scene featuring a number of humorous Lost Boys tactics. In a realm where death doesn’t seem to occur, Rufio’s tragic killing snaps viewers back into the real world. We all hoped Rufio would be bangaranging forever, but sadly, that wasn’t meant to be.

#4: Ellie Fredricksen – Up

I’m a huge Disney backer (mainly for the theme parks, although the movies are a’ight too), but man do they love killing off women. Perhaps they are closet misogynists or something. Mrs. Sip and I recently attended an orchestral performance of Pixar film songs and they played the entire opening to Up, complete with video… I don’t think there was a dry eye in the audience. The one thing that cushions the death in this movie is that Ellie lived her adventure and despite her sad passing, wasn’t cut down in her prime like some of the others on this list. It would have been nice, though, if the Fredricksen’s had been able to take that trip to Paradise Falls together.

#3: Optimus Prime – Transformers: The Movie

It’s hard to make a robot’s death matter, but they nailed it in this film. The saddest part about Optimus Prime’s passing is how his team of Autobots react, breaking down in grief from the crushing blow of their leader’s demise. Prime goes out with one of the greatest death bed speeches ever delivered, imploring his Autobots to continue fighting the good fight, while assuring Ultra Magnus that he can be the next leader of the crew. There are, in fact, a number of Transformer deaths in this movie and even more were supposed to occur, but were cut from the film. The losses largely took place to set up a new toy line for the franchise.

#2: Mufasa – Lion King

This is a rare case of Disney killing off a father instead of a mother. In Hamlet-esque style, Mufasa’s broski Scar engineers the death of the king and makes the young prince Simba believe he is to blame (and he kind of is). It’s heart wrenching to watch Simba nuzzle up to his dying dad before going on the run at Scar’s instruction. Simba, of course, grows into a fully-grown lion and with his father speaking to him from beyond the grave, returns to the Pridelands to battle his uncle for his rightful place on the throne… a game of thrones, if you will!

#1: Littlefoot’s Mom – Land Before Time

While the direct-to-video sequels took a much lighter tone, focusing on sing-a-long songs, the original film was gripping with its drama and tragedy. Littlefoot’s mom suffers mortal wounds at the hands and teeth of a ‘Sharptooth’ (aka the original King of the Jungle, the Tyrannosaurus Rex), while protecting her young son from harm. It’s so very sad seeing Littlefoot try to wake up his fallen mother, who can only muster some advice for her kin before dying. Littlefoot is now separated from his herd, as a result of the whole scene, and only the guidance of his mother’s voice can lead him back to safety with his clan.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Death Shot

Death Shot

  • 0.5 oz Tequila
  • 0.5 oz Sambuca
  • Garnish with a Raspberry

Honourable mentions to Old Yeller, Bambi’s mom, and Macaulay Culkin’s character in My Girl. Have I missed anything? What’s your pick for saddest scene in a children’s flick? After reliving all of these moments, it’s really no wonder that the Sip Advisor had anxiety issues regarding death as a little sipper. Perhaps a little more liquid therapy will be needed!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
This shooter was exactly what I thought it would be: punishing. I can’t say it tasted bad, but it was strong and I wouldn’t recommend it for those faint of heart… just like these films. The crushed Raspberry was a nice touch for garnish, given the article’s theme and the potent libation. Despite the two clear liquors, I purposely edited the shot to look dark for the finishing touch on this post.

November 10 – Movember Rain

‘Stache Central

In honour of all the dudes out there that are growing mustaches that make their partners less attracted to them, all in the name of raising awareness for men’s health, particularly prostate and testicular cancer, here’s a look at some of the greatest whiskers in the media world!

Magnum PI – Tom Selleck is so associated with his trademark facial hair that the network wouldn’t allow him to get rid of it for his role on Blue Bloods. Can you believe Selleck turned down the role of Mitch Buchannon (later went to David Hasselhoff) on Baywatch because he didn’t want to be a sex symbol… uh, hey Tom, too late, buddy!

magnum-pi-moustache

Hulk Hogan – Hogan’s Fu-Manchu plays a vital role in his image as a do-gooder and leader of Hulkamaniacs everywhere. So much so, that when he finally became a bad guy and leader of the reprehensible New World Order, a dirty black beard was added to show he had fully embraced the dark side.

Ned Flanders – Everyone’s favoruite religious zealot has had many storylines center around his nose neighbour. Usually when Ned is forced to shave the facial hair, good things come his way. Surprisingly, when he refused to rid his upper lip of fur, the omnibenevolent one was labeled and rebel and troublemaker.

Yosemite Sam – Sam has such a wicked moustache that it actually encompasses his entire face, including around his eyes. Sam is a mentor of mine, as just like him, I am prone to obscenity-laced tirades when I’ve been outsmarted by a no-good varmint.

Cat Mustache

Captain Hook – Whether the cartoon character or the live action depiction by Dustin Hoffman, Captain Hook’s trademark cookie-duster is comical and to be feared all at the same time. If you were in his position, wouldn’t you also grow a mustache and do anything else to distract from the hooked hand!?

Snidely Whiplash/Boris Badenov/Dick Dastardly – It seems that back in the day, you couldn’t be an animated villain without sporting some sort of soup strainer. These are some of the most despicable dudes to ever exist and they evilness was only accentuated by their lower brow.

Ron Swanson – The man’s man of the Parks and Rec crew just wouldn’t carry the same respect if he was sans mustache. He is such an aficionado that he’s gone on to teach others how to grow a great mustache and NBC even has t-shirts with Swanson’s likeness available in their shop.

Mario, Luigi, Wario & Wailuigi – These four guys have a yearly competition to see who has the best lady tickler. My vote goes to Wario and his lightning bolt-esque flavour saver!

Machete – What would an anarchist assassin be without a badass ‘stache!? For Machete, the facial fur is all part of the look meant to strike fear in the hearts of those he is paid to dispose of.

Cleveland Brown – In flashbacks, it’s revealed that Cleveland has had a rockin’ ‘stache since his teenage years and when his son shaves it off in an act of revenge, we learn why. Apparently Brown’s voice is created thanks to the hairs and without the mustache, it sounds squeaky and pathetic.

Aficionado

Inspector ClouseauClouseau’s mustache was based off of fellow fictional investigator Hercule Poirot, but I’ll take the funny man over the more serious detective any day… providing it’s the Peter Sellers version and not the Steve Martin one.

Borat – I just can’t imagine Borat without his goofy lip foliage. The Kazakhstan journalist has been an inspiration to me and millions around the world, showing us all what lengths we should go to in order to get a story done.

Ron Burgundy – What would a 1970’s newsman be without an epic crumb catcher? In fact, some posters for the upcoming Anchorman sequel prominently focus on the icon’s mustache and that’s all you really need to know before going into the theatre!

ronburgundy

J. Jonah Jameson – The Spiderman hater sports a push broom similar to one Adolf Hitler… could there be a connection there? I’m sure Spiderman and all his employees would think so.

Evil Abed/Evil Cartman/Evil Spock – For some reason, a character can be turned “evil” simply by adding facial hair to their usual look. I’ve experimented with this theory every Movember, by becoming a complete and total dick throughout the month!

Drink #314: Movember Rain

Movember Rain Drink Recipe

  • Muddle Berries and Mint Leaves
  • 1 oz Vodka
  • 0.5 oz Chambord
  • Top with half Grapefruit Juice and half Pineapple Juice
  • Splash of Lemon Juice
  • Dash of Simple Syrup
  • Garnish with Mint Leaves and a Berry

Who possesses your favourite upper lip caterpillar? Unfortunately, this is one area where you won’t all be shouting my name. I just can’t seem to grow great facial hair. Good, yes… but great… not for the Sip Advisor.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
There’s a lot going on in this cocktail and I think that detracts from the overall enjoyment on the drink. When you get a focused sip of the Chambord, for example, it’s very good. On other sips, however, you get a mix of different juices and so on and it’s hard to pinpoint a taste. I’m not a fan of weird, combined, unidentifiable flavours, so it’s too bad that happens in this recipe. I tried to make the mint leaves look like a moustache… mission accomplished!

April 14 – Captain Aaron

Oh Captain, My Captain

There is only one man I trust to steer any ship I’m aboard… that’s my man, Captain Aaron! These are some other options I’d consider, even if most of them are nowhere near remotely real:

Captain Morgan

How could any Sip Advisor list in which an alcohol icon was a possible candidate, not lead off with said subject? Naturally, it can’t be any other way. While I’m more of a Sailor Jerry’s fan in the spiced rum category, Captain Morgan isn’t too shabby an alternative and I love the company’s ad campaigns.

Jesus Christ, the Cap`n gets a lot of sweet tail!

Sweet Jesus, the Cap`n sure gets a lot of sweet tail!

Captain Jack Sparrow

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me! Captain Jack Sparrow is a pretty resourceful guy. He can pretty much get himself out of any sticky situation, is pretty good at hunting long, lost treasure and is not too shabby with the ladies. More importantly, he’s a fan of the bottle and knows where to find hidden stashes of rum on deserted islands.

Captain Crunch

While Cap’n Crunch was far from my favourite cereal growing up, it was on the list of acceptable breakfast options I provided to Mama Sip as a youngster. Like any high profile athlete, my agent and I devised a list of demands that had to be met and cereal selection was chief among them.

Captain Kirk

Captain’s log, stardate 1077.69: I’ve never really been a science fiction nut, but I do have to give some respect to all the Trekkies out there, who show us what being passionate about something really should entail. Captain Kirk never has to buy a drink for himself as long as a geek is close by.

Captain Kirk

Captain America

While I’m more of a Tony Stark/Iron Man fan, Captain America is a strong leader, who I would be happy to follow into battle. Can you imagine a Canadian version of Captain America, who is light on crime and tries to help bad guys reform rather than punish them? Silly Captain Canada…

Captain Hook

I personally wouldn’t mind seeing Captain Hook get his hands on… oops! sorry, sensitive subject, I know, let me rephrase… get his hand and hook on Peter Pan. Maybe Hook can throw the little brat to the crocodile that’s always hounding him and use the time while the lizard is chowing down on some Pan to get some distance between himself and his pursuer.

Captain Hook

Captain McCallister

You might be wondering who this captain even is. Well, I have one word for you: Yarrrrr! Okay, I know all pirates are known to say this, so I’ll just give you the answer. It’s the resident Sea Captain from The Simpsons. Often seen with a corncob pipe and tapping his glass eye, Captain McCallister is not only delightfully incompetent, but gets bonus points for being created by comedian, writer, and late show host Conan O’Brien.

Captain Stubing

While Mrs. Sip and I were on our honeymoon cruise, we were able to watch a few episodes of The Love Boat and quickly fell in love with how laugh-track cheesy the show is. Captain Stubing played a large role in our fondness for the sitcom as he tried to control his band of misfit employees.

Drink #104: Captain Aaron (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Captain Aaron Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Kraken Black Spiced Rum
  • Top with Ginger Ale
  • Splash of Lemonade
  • Garnish with a Captain’s Hat (If you happen to have one just lying around!)

In the interest of full disclosure, while this is an original recipe, it has been borrowed from the man, the myth, the legend, Captain Aaron himself. Happy birthday, buddy!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
The Cap’n and I love using Ginger Ale as a mixer and I really enjoyed his touch of adding Lemonade to the blend. The Spiced Rum works well with both ingredients, so the whole group comes together quite nicely.