About Daniel Wilson

I love making drinks for my friends and family, and, of course, sampling my concoctions myself! Finding and playing around with recipes is a favourite past time of mine and I hope to share that passion with all my readers.

May 18 – Alien Piss

Posted on May 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Alien-Nation

In reality, we are all “aliens” to someone else. However, the following characters are completely out of this world. If life really exists “out there”, I only hope that these beings are similar to the entries that I’ve compiled below. That would make for some very interesting extra-terrestrial visitors and hopefully a few folks to share some drinks with!

Mork – Mork & Mindy

Only the high-intensity comedic stylings of Robin Williams could make this character really work. It probably helped that he was pretty coked up during this portion of his life. I mean, standing on your head when asked to take a seat (which is how Williams landed the gig on the spot)… how crazy is that! You also have to remember Mork for the catchphrases he created, including the greeting “Na-Nu, Na-Nu” and the curse word “Shazbot”.

Roger Smith – American Dad

One of my favourite characters of all time! Roger is a booze consuming, costume wearing, mayhem causing, intergalactic traveler. Did I mention that he drinks a lot? He puts us all to shame with the copious amounts of liquor he can throw back. I guess aliens just know how to party better than we do and maybe we should be learning from them, rather than the other way around.

Dr. Zoidberg – Futurama

There are so many characters I could choose from the futuristic series (Kif, Nibbler, etc.), but I’ll settle for poor Dr. Zoidberg. Sadly, nobody really gets the big fellow and it’s a recurring joke about how disliked the good doctor is. Zoidberg is really a gentle soul… at least until he returns to his home planet, where he becomes embroiled in the mating battle of his species and nearly kills colleague Philip J. Fry in the frenzied process.

Alf – Alf

You little sippers out there know that the Sip Advisor loves his puppets and Alf places very respectively on my list of favourites. His verbal sparring with Willie Tanner, the man of the house, was always fun to watch. I’m not one for violence against animals, but it would have been interesting if Alf ever got his hands on the Tanner’s cat, Lucky. Hey, hold on a second. The Full House family was also named Tanner. I wonder if they were related!?

Marvin the Martian – Looney Tunes

While I never really thought much of Marvin when he was placed in the role of protagonist, it was always fun to see him get blown up and maimed in other manners at the hands of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. You still have to give credit to Marvin for being one of the first alien characters ever, debuting in 1948.

The Solomons – 3rd Rock From the Sun

This show was vastly underappreciated during its time, but it had a really talented cast and good writing. The show involved a team of four aliens who were sent to earth to observe humans and report back to their leader, The Big Giant Head. You had Dick, the captain of the mission; Harry, the communications officer; Sally, the security and weapons expert; and young Tommy, the wise, old (despite his teenager appearance) information guru. As they adapted to the foreign world around them, hilarity ensued showing just how funny interspecies interaction can be.

Kang & Kodos – The Simpsons

Making regular guest appearances for The Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors Halloween specials, Kang and Kodos have done everything from abduct the Simpson family to win the American presidential election and overthrow earth. I think you’d have to be an alien to want to be a politician. All that smiling and ass kissing you have to do certainly couldn’t be tolerated by most normal people of the human species. Perhaps they’re just ingesting…

Drink #138: Alien Piss

Rim glass with Alien Piss (just kidding, it’s Caramel Syrup)
0.3 oz Honey Whiskey (I used Jack Daniel’s)
0.3 oz Blue Curacao
0.3 oz Sour Apple Mixer
0.3 oz Sweet & Sour Mix
0.3 oz Lemon-Lime Soda

I always find it amazing that so many shows with aliens involve them wanting to learn about our culture and behavior. Really! Do aliens really need to know about selfies, monster truck rallies, and beer pong?… well, maybe that last one would come in handy.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is a fun little shot with lots of ingredients. Going in, I had no clue what it would taste like and all I can describe it as afterwards is delicious. It’s a very light shooter, but all the ingredients are nice, so you make peace with it not getting you blitzed. If you wanted it to be more boozy, you could switch to Sour Apple Puss or Pucker and use some sort of Citrus Rum or Vodka, as well.

May 17 – PB&J Martini

Posted on May 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

After yesterday’s debacle of a cocktail, I’m happy to follow it up with this treat. Like a professional athlete in need of a bounce back effort, here I am scoring the game winning goal, destroying the walk-off homerun, hitting the buzzer beater… you get my drift. While I’m a big fan of liquid lunches, I have to say that my heart flutters for sandwiches, as well. Here are some of the best ones:

Grilled Cheese

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not the biggest fan of cheese. That said, I’m bizarrely a fan of grilled cheese sandwiches, providing they’re made with a white cheese like mozzarella or swiss and not the processed American cheddar slices that are synonymous with the meal. With a side of potato chips and a dollop of ketchup to dip your sandwich into, I’m in kid-like heaven.

BLT & Club

When I was younger, I was a picky eater. A BLT, though, was a favourite of mine and a regular order at restaurants. As my tastes evolved, the club sandwich largely replaced the BLT for me and it doesn’t matter whether that extra meat is turkey, chicken, ham, or all three… they’re all going to the same wasteland known as my stomach! You have to remember, my little sippers, bacon is an essential item on nearly every sandwich, so don’t be stingy with it.

PB&J

The classic that I make better than most everyone else on the planet (if I don’t say so myself)! Now that I’ve also conquered the liquid form of this marrying of peanut butter and jelly, you might even say that I’ve become a god among men. There aren’t many tag teams out there that can compare with peanut butter and jelly. Ham and pineapple gave them a run for their money once, but it was an uphill battle.

Ice Cream

The first draft of this blog did not include the scrumptious ice cream sandwich. For that, I have repented my sins and after considering whether or not my best days were behind me and it was time to retire from the writing game, I have decided to carry on and work at redeeming myself. The best ice cream sandwich I’ve ever had is the Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Cookie one, which used to be infinitely better before meddlesome folks began their crusade against junk foods.

Beef Dip

Not a lot beats a nice soft roll, stuffed with thin slices of roast beef and a delicious hot au jus to dip the sandwich into. Flavouring a meat in its own drippings seems cannibalistic, but nobody’s on trial here, so go ahead and do your worst. Destroy that sandwich with the ferocity of a natural predator and don’t feel a moment of remorse. If you are not of the carnivoristic variety, then go on your merry way with your *chortle* salad.

Pulled Pork

I love barbecued meats, especially pulled pork. I could eat this stuff on the reg and never get sick of the deliciously shredded substance. If you throw a little creamy coleslaw down on that sammy, brother, your head will be spinning into orbit. You don’t trust the Sip Advisor? You know, I’m not a one dimensional cocktail jockey… I hate other skills to go along with my liquor awesomosity.

Now that is a beautiful sandwich!

Philly Cheesesteak

I had never really tried a cheesesteak sandwich until an American Cheesesteak restaurant opened up close to my home. I have to say, that I was completely blown away. My order of choice is The Cowboy, which includes shaved prime rib, crispy onion straws, barbecue sauce, bacon mayo and aged white cheddar (which by now, you know is disqualified from my order). It’s a delicious meal that I don’t indulge in often enough.

Meatball Sub

Make sure to have your pens and paper ready because I’m about to reveal to the world my typical Subway order, now famously referred to as ‘The Advisor’. I start with a 12-inch meatball sandwich on Italian herb and cheese bread (yeah, I oddly like cheese in my bread, but not on my sandwich). I elect to not have it toasted and then I add the following condiments: lettuce, tomato, pickles, black olives, green olives (if I’m at one of the rare Subway’s that carries this delicious addition) and topped with mayo. My order is rarely modified because consistency is an art form.

Drink #137: PB&J Martini

Rim glass with Peanut Butter and Jelly
1.5 oz Chambord
1.5 oz Frangelico
Top with Milk

I bet after reading this, every single one of you are hungry for a good sandwich! In writing this post, I realized that I’ve never really had a true Sloppy Joe before. I will have to give this a try and see if it cracks the list above. My money is on it making the list… anyone else care to enter a wager!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
A tasty drink made all the more better with a very fun rim job. You can also turn the ingredients into a shooter, if you remove the milk proportion. I’ve wanted to try this drink for some time and I was finally able to put it all together. It actually tastes like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, minus the bread and with a little more booze flavour than the lunch has. You won’t be disappointed if you try it yourself.

May 16 – Greenback

Posted on May 16, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Drinking Bad

We recently faced a conundrum here at the Sip Advisor headquarters: do we feature a bad drink? I work diligently to select drinks that I hope at least one sect of my fan base will enjoy and I think to this point, I’ve done a good job of making decent cocktails for all you little sippers. Heck, we made it to May before we had to address this issue.

I’m not perfect, but I’m pretty close. Every drink I’ve made thus far has received a passing grade (although the Flatliner was close to having to attend summer school).

That is, until I tried making the Greenback. At first glance of the name, I figured I could write about money and how I don’t understand so much financial mumbo jumbo. After one sip of this vile substance, I learned two things: bad cocktails are my kryptonite and I’d be crafting a post about when recipes go bad.

Bacon is my kryptonite too… just in a good way!

I had never tried Crème de Menthe, but I’ve seen it featured in a ton of recipes, especially ones to do with Gin, so I figured this was a tried, tested and proven drink. If it is tried and tested, those brave souls are surely dumb, deaf, and blind from the experience.

This concoction is gross. I’m not sure I’ve had anything quite so disgusting and we’re talking about a guy who would make some Fear Factor winners blush with the list of things I’m willing to try.

Unfortunately, not every drink that has a published recipe means that it is good (or at the very least drinkable). A lot of human error went into this mix and I’d love to meet whoever first invented it so that I could shake his hand… [Wait, remember Sip Advisor, you hated this drink]… Let’s try that again, using comedian Christopher Titus’ proposed Control-Z machine, which takes us back exactly 12 seconds into the past: so that I could stomp on his foot, forever sullying his pristine white shoelaces and while he’s looking down stunned, I would deliver the world’s greatest flying knee lift, ala Brutus ‘The Barber’ Beefcake.

Would I be arrested on the spot, of course, but it would all be worth it to exact a small degree of revenge against this perpetrator. Plus, once I explained myself to the judge, she would surely let me off with a slap on the wrist and a “boys will be boys” chuckle. Plus, what she doesn’t know, is that I kind of enjoy a little light wrist slapping.

This cocktail made me question whether I deserved the title of Sip Advisor. In a moment of total anxiety I burned all the merchandise concepts we eventually plan on rolling out through the site. I took my entire bar collection and threw it off our balcony. I even took my precious muddler and tried to flush it down the toilet.

In the fetal position and with a flooding bathroom, Mrs. Sip tried to calm me down and restore my usual swagger. She reasoned that this is exactly what a Sip Advisor does. Tries the good and bad and lets the world know which is which (she may have even pointed out that the tagline of this site is in fact “The Good, The Bad, and The Bubbly”). She was right, I do look good naked (my mind always drifts off eventually).

So, I know with this cocktail, you readers no longer view me as a hero. I will settle for being a nearly flawless individual who is responsible for so much good on this earth that it’s hard to fathom I’m merely mortal.

Drink #136: Greenback

1 oz Green Crème de Menthe
1 oz Gin
Splash of Lemon Juice
Garnish with a Lemon Wedge

I don’t even know why I’ve included the recipe. It should be scorched from the earth. If you do decide to take your life into your own hands and attempt making and consuming this drink, the risk is all on you. The Sip Advisor cautions that this beverage contains scenes of violence and coarse language (usually known as the good stuff, but not in this case). Viewer’s digestion is advised. On second thought, don’t worry about the coarse language because this drink is worse than having soap in your mouth!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (1 Sips out of 5):
And that score is generous. This awful mess is basically a mouthwash – you spit and don’t swallow. And it does, in fact, taste exactly as if you are drinking mouthwash (I went and had some Listerine after to compare). I feel I’m being too generous with giving it any score at all. Yuck!

May 15 – Atone-Mint

Posted on May 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Making Amends

I’ve been a bad, bad boy and the TV court judges – your Judys, Joe Browns, and the like – have sentenced me to atone for my sundry misdeeds. And there are a lot of them:

I am the legendary D.B. Cooper

That’s right, my little sippers. At the ripe age of minus-12, I boarded Northwest Orient Airlines Flight 305 and made off with $200,000. I promptly blew the money on baby food and diapers for my impending birth more than a decade later. For me, it was all about the thrill. All the fame and notoriety that followed was icing on the cake, although like Batman, I could never soak up the adulation.

I am the cause of power outages

Because of the massive amounts of electricity that flows through my body, I am a surge protector’s worst nightmare. Take all the electricity-based super villians – Electro, Shocker, Livewire – put them together and they still have nothing on me. You can ask Mrs. Sip… every time I touch her she gets shocked. I laugh a boisterous bad guy laugh, she lets out a soft whimper, and that’s the end of our foreplay!

I failed to stop the vampire craze

When I was younger, I took it upon myself to patrol the online message boards of the vast and lawless internet. I was one part Steve McGarrett from Hawaii 5-0 and two parts Carl Winslow from Family Matters. My assignment, which I chose to accept, was to kibosh any positive talk about the return of any “monster” movies. Frankenstein – never stood a chance; Wolfman – pssh, please… I slipped up, though. I figured no one would ever get so obsessed with vampires again. So, yes, I am to blame for all the Twilights, the True Bloods, the Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunters. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking about where I went wrong. Frighteningly, my tears are those creepy vampire blood ones…

I am the reason sneezes sometimes don’t come out

Don’t you hate it when that happens? It’s worse than being stuck in a car after drinking a Big Gulp with no restroom in sight. Well, friends, I’m to blame for your lack of release (that’s what she said). You see, this all began when I was just a young’un. I took great delight in distracting people just as they were about to sneeze and as we all know, that precious moment can pass quickly. As I grew older, I had to be stealthier with these attacks. Not many people will hit a devious kid, but a punk teenager should be throttled if justified. This behavior has continued into my adult years and now I’m able to do it telepathically, having refined my skills to such an nth degree.

I am to blame for potato chip price inflation

This one is all about supply and demand. Prices go up because I destroy much of the supply and there’s still a huge demand for the salty, delicious snack. Thankfully, my sponsors (not the AA type, although if there were a Chipoholics anonymous, I might be their first patron) keep me well stocked and in the chippy-filled lifestyle to which I have become accustomed.

Global warming… you can pin that on me, too

My sincerest apologies to the polar ice caps… I’m just so damn hot that I’m warming up this little world of ours and causing melting of massive chunks of ice. The Game of Thrones Northerners would be so pissed with me. They keep saying that “winter is coming”, but not as long as I’m around. I’m trying to reduce my thermal excretions (wow, that sounds so unsexy), particularly for all the animals I’d be affecting. I love penguins, polar bears, and such and will do everything in my power to see that they are safe and comfortable.

Drink #135: Atone-Mint

Muddle Mint, Strawberries and Lemon Wedges
1.5 oz Blueberry Vodka (I used Smirnoff)
Splash of Lemon Juice
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda

What I really need to apologize for is for being so awesome. Not only can the club not handle me, but most of the world just can’t compete at my level. I leave it all on the floor, day-in, day-out.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was really enjoyable. The Blueberry Vodka was a nice twist in a Mojito-style cocktail and having so much muddled goodness floating around gave the beverage a wicked presentation. This will be a wonderful summer selection and I can’t wait for the sun to come back and party for a while!

May 14 – Time for a Change?

Posted on May 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Politically Declined

To sum up quickly, I hate elections, politicians and basically everything having to do with the political process.

I feel that government doesn’t do very much, what it does accomplish takes way too long to get done, and when it finally gets done, then we go and repeal it anyway. I would never trust a politician further than I could throw them… unless it was hilariously off a cliff Wile E. Coyote style!

Elections are the worst time of the year. Our news is inundated with one group of politicians going on about stupid things other politicians have done such as riding transit without a ticket or running a red light while taking their son to an early morning hockey practice, all presumably in an attempt to sway voters who won’t bother to actually look up the various parties’ platforms. With a multitude of rainbow signs going up everywhere you look and TV commercials interrupting my programming, I just want to take a three-month nap and avoid the whole scenario. And don’t even get me started on the annoying phone calls and pamphlets.

Perhaps if elections were solved with cage fights, I might be a little more interested. Think about it, you could have a stacked card of death matches and charge people to come and see who “wins” the battle. And all the proceeds would go to fund the “elected” government’s initiatives and programs.

If you look through the history of the world, every important issue has been settled at WrestleMania, so why not continue down this path in the political forum?

Sadly, this is not to be, but it’s something for future generations to keep in mind. Maybe when the polar ice caps eventually melt and we go into a state of martial law, we can revisit my proposal.

I took a political science course once and I couldn’t stand it. Every class, when the teacher looked like he was wrapping things up and was going to let us free a little earlier, there would always be one jackass who would keep asking questions – queries of a political nature, but having nothing to do with our current lesson – until before you knew it, we had actually run over the class time and would now be fighting each other to exit, Battle Royal style, in order to get to the parking lot.

All that said, today I have to go stand in line to execute my “right” as a free democratic being who enjoys the benefits of not living in a dictatorship, I guess.

Although, this guy looks like he knows how to party!

Mrs. Sip insists that I vote, even threatening to withhold potato chips and cookies from me. What she doesn’t know is that as soon as I enter the private voting booth, I promptly check off the candidate she dislikes the most, file my ballot, and call it a day!

Drink #134: Time for a Change?

Rim glass with Sugar
1.5 oz Black Cherry Bourbon
0.5 oz Cointreau
Splash of Lemon Juice
Splash of Wildberry Juice
Dash of Orange Bitters

Is it really time for a change? I say, who cares. It’s usually not too long before we hate the dude or dudette we all elected. People say if you don’t vote, you have no right to complain about what happens. And really, that’s the only reason the Sip Advisor goes to the polls every year!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is quite the cocktail to undertake. Sadly, I had to leave the lavender portion of the recipe out, but it wasn’t missed too much. I really enjoy any drink that contains Black Cherry Bourbon and this was no exception. I found it really hard to pick an election-themed cocktail, as most were American-related and well, that’s not where I live. I still love the drink name Obama Slammer, though.

May 13 – Lazy Afternoon

Posted on May 13, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Late Adopters

I like to think that I’m pretty with it when it comes to good TV shows and I usually find series’ before the mass audience tunes in. Broski Sip and I watched Arrested Development from day one, years before most people realized it was the cleverest show on television. I was with Family Guy all the way through its cancellation and resurrection. Here are a few shows that slipped through the cracks of my amazing radar, but have since been picked up by Mrs. Sip and myself.

Archer

On a night staying over at Ma and Pa Sip’s place (they have more channels than I do), Mrs. Sip and I saw Archer for the first time and were immediately hooked. In only a few weeks we’ve gone through the first four seasons of the animated comedy and have loved every minute of it. The wacky ISIS spy agency and their adventures are full of so many goodies and I hope this show continues on for many years to come.

Firefly

Unfortunately, Mrs. Sip and I learned of this wonderful show well after it had already been cancelled. A western-space crossover initially just didn’t appeal in the slightest. We did get on board with it shortly after though, and well before its feature film Serenity was released. Ultimately, there’s just something about the sci-fi-western mix that works, the writing is fun, story lines witty, and all of the characters are likeable in their own special ways.

Community

We started watching Community when it had already finished its second season. I had seen brief commercials for the comedy, but for some reason never really felt the need to give it a chance. Finally, after hearing some buzz about it, Mrs. Sip and I checked it out and were far from disappointed. Sadly, the show seems to be coming to an end, as not enough viewers like me caught on to how original and creative it actually was until it was too late.

Parks and Recreation

I actually watched the premiere episode of this series and didn’t really enjoy it the first time around. Years later, I gave it another chance and after working through a decent first season, absolutely fell in love with the characters in its second campaign. You know you have a good show in front of you when you try to pick your favourite character and you keep wanting to change your selection

Rome

Rome was one of the first HBO series that Mrs. Sip and I ever watched and it hooked us to the channel and its programming for life. The show had already rushed its two season run to cram in as much Roman history as possible, but the epic was still masterfully done, with wonderful settings, and complex characters you could really appreciate.

Flight of the Conchords

Mrs. Sip and I started watching Flight of the Conchords after the show had already finished production and we quickly fell in love with the quirky New Zealanders. The songs the guys perform are actually pretty catchy – “Business Time” and “Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor” being among my favourites – and while the humour is a little dry, it’s an acquired taste worth acquiring.

The jail house drama is quite the crazy series to undertake. I had watched the odd episode here and there many years before we finally started the show from the beginning. It’s funny to root for some real despicable characters, but you find yourself doing just that. I won’t spoil any plot points, but for the last couple years, Mrs. Sip and I have only had four episodes left to watch but can’t bring ourselves to finish the series, afraid of what might happen to one character in particular.

Drink #133: Lazy Afternoon

1 oz Whiskey
1 oz Peach Schnapps
0.5 oz Cherry Liqueur
Top with Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Cherry Blaster Candies

Finding these gems of shows is like coming across found money in a seldom worn jacket. You usually end up with an already built library of great episodes to now go through and enjoy and you don’t have to wait each week for the next adventure.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I changed the Cherry Brandy part of this recipe to Cherry Liqueur. The drink was decent, but not a grand slam hit. For such a great cocktail name, I was hoping for better results.

May 12 – Mother Love

Posted on May 12, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Momma’s Boys

We all love our moms, but perhaps these guys hung around a little too long for extra seasoning. It’s funny how many classic characters (and it always seems to be sons) lived at home for way too long and can’t really function in the outside world on their own. On that note: Happy Mother’s Day!

Buster Bluth – Arrested Development

Perhaps the definition of Mamma’s boy, Buster Bluth’s personality is the result of being smothered by his mother for most of his life. As a result when Lucille Bluth wants Baby Buster to get on with his life, he’s stuck in a childlike state of uncertainty and confusion. Still, the guy manages to be sent off to the military and other misadventures as he tries to prove himself to the entire Bluth family… but mostly his mom.

Norman Bates – Psycho

This boy’s obsession with his mother went waaaaayyyy too far! I don’t like spoiling things, but I think we all know that Bates is revealed to be killing people at his family’s motel, while being dressed like his deceased mother. Creepy stuff, dude.

Cliff Clavin – Cheers

Cliff Clavin and his ma are known to have the occasional row, as Cliff looks to spread his wings and become a man. Too bad he’s already a middle age, postal carrier who spends a majority of his free time at the local watering hole. Hopefully Cliffy didn’t get his factually inaccurate trivial knowledge from his ma as well.

Principal Skinner – The Simpsons

Much like Cliff Claven and his mom, Seymour Skinner and his mother seem to always be at odds. Whether it’s over the bath pillow, Seymour having friends and dates over, or his professional aspirations, Agnes Skinner seems to want to control every aspect of her son’s life. This often results in an exasperated principal and some of their rows have even required police intervention.

Robert Barone – Everybody Loves Raymond

While his brother lives next door, raising a family with his wife, Robert is still stuck in his parents’ home, under the strict rule and care of his mother. His brother Ray is about the same level of momma’s boy as Robert is, but because Ray is out on his own (one whole house over from his parents) he often slips under the radar.

Hoyt Fortenberry – True Blood

Poor, poor Hoyt. His mother tries to control every little aspect of his life, from who he dates, to where he lives, and even what he wears. That’s a horrible situation to be in when you’ve constantly running from any manner of vampires, werewolves, shifters, fairies and other otherworldly beings.

Walt, Larry, Igner – Futurama

Being the sons of the confectionary icon “Mom” would be tough on any son. While she shows a sickeningly sweet appearance to the outside world, Mom is in fact a harsh, domineering, woman, who has high expectations for her offspring, while not letting them move too far away from the nest.

Joffrey Baratheon – Game of Thrones

Joffrey is trying to break out of his mother’s tall and beautiful shadow, despite all her efforts (and there’s been numerous “efforts”) to see her son sit on the iron throne.. under her careful guidance. Thanks to his unconventional upbringing, Joffrey is a little psychopath in the making and that will surely make the rest of the series very intriguing to watch unfold!

Howard Wolowitz – Big Bang Theory

That Howard didn’t dispose of his mother and her infuriating voice before finding a girl and moving out of the house is a miracle of modern science. Maybe that’s why the genius went into engineering in the first place!

Drink #132: Mother Love

1.5 oz Whiskey (I used Crown Royal)
0.5 oz Peppermint Schnapps
Garnish with three Junior Mints

This post is dedicated to my own Mama Sip and to all the lovely mothers out there in Sip Nation. Without you, none of us would be here and we thank you all for taking care of us!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Given the proportions, you’d expect to only get a hint of peppermint schnapps, but that’s just not how the liquor rolls. I wouldn’t say it overwhelms, but it’s prevalent. I definitely suggest using a good whiskey with this drink, like I did.

May 11 – Wedding Cake Shot

Posted on May 11, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

The Wedding March

TV show weddings are an event unto themselves. They usually feature the uniting of two characters we’ve watched fall in love together and their relationship blossom. Usually saved for season finales and in some cases series finales, the wedding episode is often an extremely important occasion. Here are some of my faves:

Andy & April/Ben & Leslie – Parks and Recreation

Parks and Rec has hosted two very memorable wedding ceremonies. First, Andy and April surprised their friends and family with their impromptu nuptials during a housewarming party. The pair had only been together a few months, but they were a very compatible match. Later on in the series, Ben and Leslie made their relationship official, in another spur of the moment ceremony, this time in the Parks and Rec Office with the help of all their friends.

Zack & Kelly – Saved by the Bell

As a huge fan of the show growing up, it broke my heart to see Kelly Kapowski finally tie the knot with Zack Morris. Why not me, I constantly asked the TV? Receiving no reply, I eventually made peace with their relationship (after years of intense psychotherapy, of course). We always wanted to see Zack and Kelly get together, even during the season where Kelly disappeared and was replaced by biker chick Tori. Some things are just meant to be!

Jim & Pam – The Office

While they were able to slip away to privately tie the knot on the Maid of the Mist boat near Niagara Falls – a ceremony that Michael Scott couldn’t ruin – both of their weddings were beautifully done. Based on the British version of The Office, you always knew that Jim and Pam would eventually fall in love… it just took three seasons and a few other twists and turns before all viewers could let out a sigh of relief and happiness.

Howard & Bernadette – Big Bang Theory

The first Big Bang Theory wedding – if you don’t think we’ll eventually see Leonard and Penny wed or even Sheldon and Amy, you’re out of your mind – went to Howard and Bernadette. The most touching moment of the entire episode was when the camera zoomed out to space (the couple wanted their nuptials to be captured by the Google Earth satellite) to show that the group had decorated the rooftop to look like a heart with an arrow through it from high above.

Niles & Daphne – Frasier

Niles lusted for Daphne for years on the show, but the two never seemed to be in the right situation to come together. First, Niles was married to the ice queen (and never seen) Maris. Then, as his marriage crumbled, Daphne was dating and later engaged to Donny, prompting Niles to move on and marry Mel. Things came to a head when Niles and Daphne ran away together just as Daphne was to be married. That’s some tale to tell the grandkids one day.

Ross & Emily – Friends

This wedding turned into quite the train wreck when Ross slipped up and said Rachel’s name during his vow exchange with bride-to-be Emily. Although they finished the ceremony, Ross and Emily split up soon afterwards, even though Ross and Rachel didn’t get back together immediately either. Sure there were other, more successful nuptials during the run of Friends, but this one may have been the most memorable.

Cory & Topanga – Boy Meets World

These two lovebirds were destined for each other and it was clear all along that someday they would walk down the aisle together. From jungle gyms to wedding bells, there were very few moments when the couple wasn’t romantically linked. This was another sad day for your faithful Sip Advisor. As much as I liked Cory, I always hoped Topanga and I would have a chance – it was not to be…

Homer & Marge – The Simpsons

In one of the series’ many flashback episodes, we become privy to the shotgun wedding of Homer and Marge. With Homer lacking a good job and not much money saved up, the couple had to do a quickie wedding at a small chapel and spent their first night as man and wife at Marge’s mother’s house. The series has enjoyed such longevity, that we’ve even witnessed multiple weddings for Homer and Marge, as well as the odd divorce mixed in there for good luck!

Jesse & Rebecca – Full House

If anyone else out in Sip Nation remembers Jesse and The Rippers big hit “Forever”, then your childhood was amazing. I’m willing to bet all you little sippers think I’ve lost my marbles again. Pretty hard to do that when I never had much of a collection (lost many a cat’s eye playing with the wicked Marbleworks set I had as a kid). Uncle Jesse finally settled down and quit his wild ways when he met and fell for Rebecca, Danny Tanner’s Wake Up San Francisco co-host. Jesse even had to jump out of a plane to make his ceremony on time… Oh, TGIF!

Drink #131: Wedding Cake Shot

1.5 oz Cupcake Vodka (Devil’s Food Flavour)
1.5 oz Frangelico
Garnish with Sugar-Coated Lemon Wedge

Certainly I’ve missed some great TV weddings. It seems nearly every single show to last a couple of seasons has featured a ceremony. Did I neglect your favourite nuptials? Give me hell for that egregious error!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes: (3 Sips out of 5):
I tried two different recipes for this shot. My second version consisted of Cupcake Vodka, Citrus Vodka, Limoncello, and Amaretto. In the end, I decided to present to you the more traditional recipe, rather than my own original idea. Either way, there ended up being quite a bit of liquor in each shot, so it turned into more of a sipper than a shooter and I’m not too sure whether I’m a fan of the Cupcake Vodka or not. Which recipe would you have preferred?

May 10 – Cherry Crepe

Posted on May 10, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Open Bar-athon

Tomorrow, the Sip Advisor will be attending a wedding ceremony aboard a cruise ship, which features a one-hour open bar reception. I know what you’re thinking… who in their right mind would invite this guy to an open bar function!? Talk about a doomed muster drill! Anyway, with only a small chunk of time to get your swerve on, here’s how to best spend your drinking:

Order high-end liquors only

Start by putting your blinders on so you can only see the top shelf liquors. Run of the mill spirits need not apply. Every cocktail you have made should include one of the following: Grey Goose or Ketel One (vodka), Don Julio or Patron (tequila), Hendrick’s or Bombay Sapphire (gin), Cruzan or Mount Gay (rum), Crown Royal (whiskey), Maker’s Mark or Wild Turkey (bourbon). You get the point. Don’t dabble in the Smirnoff’s and Bacardi’s of the world, despite their solid reputation.

Everything comes in doubles

You should never order a drink in this situation and not ask for a double shot of the alcohol. While you will be given strong drinks, that shouldn’t matter too much given the quality of the booze you’re asking for. Everything should go down easy and you won’t even notice how much you’re enjoying yourself.

Double fist your drinks

Line-ups to get your drinks may be long, so it’s best to act like you’re ordering for yourself and your lovely partner (as invisible as they may be) in order to save trips to the bar and wasted time without a drink in your hand. It should also be noted that you should time your lining up accordingly. If lines are stretching and you have half a drink left, it’s probably time to drag your butt back into the line.

Get a round of shots (or two or three)

Want to be the life of the party – and perhaps piss off the bar staff – order a round of shots for your group, no matter how big it may be. Fill that bar counter with baby glasses and then pass out the shooters to anyone within reaching distance. Then, make a little speech that no one will remember (preferably to a group of folks who don’t even know you) and slam that sweet sucker.

Drink straight hard stuff

If it’s available, order neat or on the rocks selections of high quality sipping alcohols. Scotch, Courvoisier, Remy Martin, Hennessey, etc. I like to make these drinks my last of a session, perhaps the one you grab right at the tail end of the hour so you have something you can go through at your own pace when the reception is over and the dreaded muster drill is fast approaching.

Get shit-faced and ride it through the night

A hardened veteran such as myself will need a little nip here and there to keep the buzz going, but if you’re not that experienced with liquor, you can probably have a small batch of drinks and be floating in the breeze most of the night. Just be careful of the inevitable crash. Check your levels frequently and top up if necessary.

Try a bunch of different stuff

If you’re into experiment (and who isn’t) go into the reception with a loose game plan of cocktails you’d like to try. Don’t waste other people’s time in the line-ups perusing the menu, but have an idea of two or three recipes you want to give a go. If you don’t like something, go and order another libation. Don’t drink a bad drink for the sake of finishing it. Note: If the open bar is being provided by a company or organization, this is an acceptable thing to do. If the bar is being provided by friends or family, you’re just running up their tab and that is not cool at all.

Get a bartender to fill up your flask

While this may be hard to achieve, my heart (and idea) is in the right place. If you strike up a good report with one of the booze jockeys, give this little tactic a shot. Most people probably wouldn’t feel too comfortable in doing so, so you can always resort to a strong last call drink to last you a little after the reception.

Drink #130: Cherry Crepe

1.5 oz Cherry Vodka (I used Grey Goose Cherry Noir)
1 oz Amaretto
Top with Cranberry Juice
Garnish with a Chocolate-Covered Cherry

So, if you follow my notes, you will likely be walking around the reception double fisting two doubled-up, top shelf alcohol drinks, with a chaser of shots on the way. What do you do about appetizers, you ask? Sorry, my little sippers, not my field of expertise!

And don’t ask me what you may be doing after the reception, because unless you don’t get hangovers like me, it may not be a pretty picture! For hangover advice, check out my recent post.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I really like the Grey Goose Cherry Noir Vodka, one of my top shelf spirits. I thought the recipe worked really well together, of course highlighted by the Vodka, which has an almost sour note. Garnish that baby with a yummy Chocolate-Covered Cherry and all’s well that ends well!

May 9 – Kryptonite

Posted on May 9, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Kryptonite Crunch

The definition of kryptonite (aside from being a very potent strain of marijuana) is something or someone that makes you weak, powerless, and can even kill you. The concept, of course, comes from the Superman franchise, as the Man of Steel is practically invincible, unless he comes into contact with kryptonite from his home planet of Krypton. Wow, I really nerded out there… and I don’t even like Superman in any way, shape, or form. Here is a shortlist of my kryptonites:

Non-Alcoholic Beer/Mocktails

This would probably kill me. I just don’t get the concept, especially in the case of beer. While some mocktails might still be palatable because of the drink’s ingredients, beer is an acquired taste, so why would you waste your time with the non-alcoholic variety? None of the really good tasting beer flavours are made in the 0.5% form, only plain, ordinary and non-delicious beer types.

Safety Drills

I’m pretty sure these will inevitably kill me. While I understand the logic behind these instructional processes, all they do for me is to encourage me to misbehave and to engage in risky actions. I’m a curious person (also naughty by nature) and when I’m told what will happen in the case of an emergency, I want to test these theories and hypotheses. It doesn’t matter whether it’s aboard an airplane or cruise ship, the term “this is not a drill” will likely be heard.

Streamers and Confetti

One of my biggest weaknesses. When streamers and confetti are shot through the air, I’m like a cat chasing a string. I’m completely mesmerized and fixated on the falling debris. I want to catch it all with my paws… er, hands… and put them in my mouth. Seriously, if I had my very own confetti gun, I’d be the happiest and laziest person in the known world. Either that, or like Eddie Murphy, I just want to party all the time!

Fresh-Baked Cookies

There’s just something about the scent of fresh-baked cookies that make me powerless. I don’t even need milk to become a ravenous zombie. I’m not picky, either. They can be chocolate chip, peanut butter, even oatmeal raisins… they all drive me crazy. Until I can get a couple dozen into my stomach I will not be able to think about anything else… not that there’s anything important going on upstairs, anyway.

Forced Reading

Another thing that would surely kill me. In my opinion, all reading is forced, but what I’m really talking about is when you have no other choice but to do some hardcore reviewing: contracts, textbooks, etc. When you’re the type of person who doesn’t read by choice, it’s even harder when the task arises and you’re rushed to do so. This is why I’m letting Mrs. Sip head up the education of any of our future little sippers.

Hyphenated Surnames

I’m pretty sure hyphenated surnames will eventually lead to the downfall of mankind (kryptonite of the masses). Before our wedding, Mrs. Sip and I had to discuss whether she was going to take my name or not. That’s when I discovered how much I don’t like hyphenated names, never giving it much thought before. Just imagine how long people’s last names will grow to be if two folks with hyphenated last names end up marrying and hyphenate their already hyphenated monikers. You’ll have a four-name long last name and it could snowball from there with later generations jumping to eight and 16 last names.

Drink #129: Kryptonite

Rim glass with Lime Powder
0.5 oz Rum
0.5 oz Tequila
0.5 oz Goldschlager
0.5 oz Jagermeister
Top with Lemon-Lime Kool-Aid

What is your kryptonite? What takes a member of Sip Nation and drives them to acts of stupidity, which they can’t even control. I’m very curious about this subject, partly because I don’t want to be the only person who has no willpower and partly because if I know everyone’s weakness, I can rule the world!

Sip Advisor’s Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
It was a bit of a flashback for me to be using Kool-Aid. One of the very first drinks I ever invented when I was younger and not boozing it up was mixing Kool-Aid and Cola, which I dubbed Kontaminated Kool-Aid. See, I always had mad mixology skills! I like today’s drink quite a bit. It’s probably my favourite Goldschlager cocktail to date and you get varying tastes of it and the Jagermeister. The green Kool-Aid is an interesting touch compared to other mixers with similar effects.

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