May 20 – Sex on the Beach

Making Whoopee

I certainly don’t advocate getting freaky along the shoreline. What with all that sand that could wind up literally anywhere. I don’t even like sand getting in between my toes, so I would abhor the substance being wedged betwixt my buttocks. While I’d like to think that any setting provides a good opportunity for doing the down and dirty, here are some other places you might want to avoid:

Airplane Bathroom

Getting two people crammed into this very tight space would be a modern miracle. Then, putting up with the stench the last guy left for you long enough to finish your business would be a performance of Iron Man proportions. I know that a lot of folks want to join the “Mile High Club”, but is it really worth all the coordination and effort. My advice is to keep it on the ground, unless you’re ever financially set enough to have your own private plane. In that case, go nuts… literally!

Mile High Club

Theme Park Ride

Perhaps this was more achievable many years ago when cameras weren’t everywhere and security was more lax. Today, you never really know where people are located on rides, hidden in the darkness and making sure riders follow all the rules. I remember being on Splash Mountain once and I had the double-wide backseat to myself with Mrs. Sip in front. Just before the big drop she tried to slide back to sit with me (not to do anything sensual, but just because it’s fun to sit together heading into the briar patch), until some dude emerged from the shadows, scaring the bejesus out of both of us. Mrs. Sip promptly returned to her assigned spot and as soon as we finished the attraction, we got the eff out of dodge.

Forest

Unless you want to go home with sap and pine needles pasted all over your body (similar to stripper pasties, but tougher to remove… as if I have comprehensive knowledge of the devices), the forest may not be the best place to find an intimate moment. Sure it provides the two elements that the above entries lack – privacy and spaciousness – but it’s not the cleanliest of settings. If you thrive on getting dirty, in all manner and senses, then go wild!

Dance Floor

I know with all the raunchy bumpin’ and grindin’ that occurs at the clubs nowadays, it’s hard not getting all hot and bothered. I can remember many times (and I am far from a clubbing regular) where a guy and a girl were getting really physical with each other, likely thinking everybody was doing their own thing and not paying them attention. On the contrary, every single person on the dance floor stopped en masse and was watching this exhibit of primal passion. Might as well give them a golf clap for their efforts.

Evolution of Dance

Body of Water

Surely, someone will die during your exploits in the H2O. Whether it is from drowning or the always hilarious going over a waterfall, one or both of you are not going to have a very good time. With questions regarding the purity of nearly every body of water on earth today, is that really something you want to be trifling in. Remember, that’s where fishies pee!

Playground

Talk about rockin’ out teeter-totter style! The problem with a playground is that there’s too many apparatus options, all of which carry a high degree of risk and injury. You could go down the slide together, but one of you would surely topple over the other. You could try the swings, but one or both of you will be compelled to jump into the rough gravel below. Finally, there’s the fire pole, but that will just ruin all of your memories of the classic Batman live action show, not to mention some kind of chaffing with all that exposed skin.

Drink #140: Sex on the Beach

May 20 (1)

  • 1.5 oz Vodka (I used Smirnoff Blueberry)
  • 1 oz Peach Schnapps
  • Top with half Orange Juice and half Cranberry Juice
  • Garnish with a Mandarin Orange Slice

I like that the mocktail versions of this drink can be referred to as Safe Sex on the Beach, Dry Humping on the Beach, or Virgins on the Beach. Perhaps this is the only way to safely traverse through the world of sexual discovery… but you won’t have nearly as much fun!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I like the Peach Schnapps taste, despite not being a peach fruit fan. This was a very enjoyable martini that would be awesome poolside or, as the drink advises, on the beach! I regret not putting a cocktail umbrella into the drink as that would be a perfect finishing touch.

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