January 23 – Brave Bull

Posted on January 23, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Coffee Confessions

I know I’m going to catch a fair bit of flak for this, but I absolutely hate coffee. To me, it’s a vile substance. Here’s a quick list of items I would rather drink:

Laundry detergent
The blue dye they use in tampon commercials… after it’s been used in a tampon commercial
Major city puddle water
A turkey milkshake

You get the point, I have an anti-coffee agenda…

I like to note the different types of coffee drinkers and have taken time to observe them at the office in which I work. The first is the repeat offender. These are the coffee drinkers who I am unsure if they really love drinking the tasteless muck so much or if they have just made some higher sacrifice in order to enjoy the additional breaks that seem to come along with “quick” coffee runs… about 10 times per day. It’s like how people used to smoke just to get more break time. Repeat offenders are the coffee drinkers, who somehow can’t manage the 15 or so steps that it would take them to come to the front desk and pick up their faxes, but have no problem breezing by that same front desk multiple times a day in order to get their precious java. They will be the first to suggest going on a “Starbucks run” for fellow co-workers. You know who I’m talking about!

Then there is the junkie coffee drinker. The ones that might as well be intravenously connected to a coffee drip 24/7. These are the folks that CAN’T LIVE without a coffee by their side every moment of the day. The true addict. The other day, I overheard one co-worker remark that Starbucks should make deliveries. While she might make a valid point and it may be a concept the company has or will experiment with, you have to realize that the nearest Starbucks to my office is on the opposite corner of the block we’re located on. You’re telling me that you can’t walk less than a block for your hourly fix, just to get you through the day!? I realize this could potentially cause a brief delay between re-fills. Re-friggin’-diculous!

One of those ‘junkie’ coffee drinkers!

Finally, there is the only-on-a-date coffee drinker. The guy who hates the substance about as much as I do, but gets convinced that he has to take a new date out to coffee and ‘get to know her’ before she’ll finally get into bed with him. Where this poor sap really gets screwed over (and I don’t mean in the bed) is that he’ll likely have to buy BOTH drinks… and still not get laid!

Personally, I don’t even like being in Starbucks. I just feel uncomfortable, as if I don’t belong… and everyone there knows it. And I probably don’t. The most complicated thing I’ve ever ordered in the store is a hot chocolate. I can’t imagine having to memorize some bizarre order like a tall, non-fat, chai tea latte, easy on the chai (okay I’ve memorized that one because it’s Mrs. Sip Advisor’s order) or other bizarre orders: “I’ll have one permanent dump truck, tears from a newborn baby, easy on the gravel, with a sprinkle of cinnamon (okay, I might have made that one up… I’m pretty sure it would just translate into “one regular coffee, please”)!

I have only had one coffee drink in my life. It was on our honeymoon cruise and our waiter – who didn’t speak the best English – was so excited in describing the 2-for-1 Irish Coffee deal that before we could even decline, he had run off to put in an order. Our drinks arrived and while the presentation was cool, with a flaming sugar cube added to the mix, it still tasted like death in a cup to me. Not even alcohol could save this colossal failure. We still gulped down our bevvies, as we had paid for them, and for the rest of the night I couldn’t get the taste of yuck out of my mouth, no matter how hard I tried to drown it with other spirits.

So, I bet you’re asking what I do drink to get me through the day: water. Nothing but pure, delicious water. And then when I get home, it’s more water (that and booze and mixers for this project… and booze also not for this project). It’s just how I roll.

All that said, you may be shocked to know that I do give liqueurs like Kahlua a pass… and speak of the devil.

Drink #23: Brave Bull

1.5 oz Tequila (I used 1800 Añejo)
1 oz Kahlua
Garnish with a Lemon Twist

This is the fun of Tequila Week, as I get to try drinks I normally wouldn’t. Diamonds in the rough that perhaps most people haven’t heard about. I actually quite enjoyed this one, despite it’s coffee liqueur. I also want to point out that this was my first attempt at making a lemon twist (or any twist other than the Beatles “Twist and Shout”) and I think I did a pretty good job (not that you can see it from the photo, you’ll just have to take my word for it). If you make this drink for yourself, let me know what you thought. Non-coffee drinkers only!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This was actually a pretty decent cocktail, despite my anti-coffee stance. It provided my first attempt at a “twist” garnish and while it looks okay, it’s a skill I will have to improve at. While I wouldn’t drink these on a regular basis, from time to time, they might hit the spot.

January 22 – Envy

Posted on January 22, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

The Green-Eyed Monster

Jealousy… I’m not too familiar with the feeling myself, but I assume it’s that feeling that other guys get when they see me free lifting my 200 pound weights in the gym, living my rock n’ roll gangsta lifestyle, or busting my sweet gangnam-style moves on the dance floor. 99% of the above may almost certainly be a lie, but since it’s Tequila Week here at The Sip Advisor headquarters, I know all you loyal readers are a bit jealous. To even it up, here’s a small selection of those who earn my envy:

Cookie Monster (speaking of monsters)

Imagine being able to eat whatever you want – cookies, plates, even the moon – and not gain a single pound. Seriously, Cookie Monster has been around since 1969 and despite eating whatever he wants, whenever he wants, he still looks the same, even though what he’s stuffed back would have other beings suffering the onset of diabetes or an incredibly gruesome and painful death or something. He may not lose any weight, but maintaining the body status quo would be classified a win for me. I love me some cookies (and chippies for that matter), so being able to eat so indiscernibly (and look cool in so much blue) definitely tops my list of enviable qualities.

Wolverine

Two words: adamantium skeleton. Sure the guy can’t remember who the hell he is or what his past life was, but he’s indestructible. Hell, I often can’t remember who I am or parts of my past life, thanks in large part to the subject matter of this blog. My mind is spinning with the stupid stuff I could get up to if I was immortal. Bungee jumping sans bungee cord, demolition derbies onboard a motorcycle, mixed martial arts fights with dinosaurs… the possibilities are endless, when your mind is as deteriorated as mine.

Garfield

The fat orange cat is allowed to be as surly as he wants and we love him for it. His enviable attitude is something that doesn’t work so well with my wife, however. While I’m not really down with the whole lasagna obsession thing, I can totally get behind the blankie, teddy bear (Pooky), fuzzy slippers and pajamas. And just like Garfield, I would only be nice twice a year, on my own Halloween and Christmas specials. I mean, how could you not be nice at Halloween and Christmas with all the candy, candy, candy and presents, presents, presents!?

Wile E. Coyote

One has to admire Mr. Coyote’s passion and drive in his dogged pursuit of the Roadrunner. If I possessed the same ambition, I’d be able to get this 365-day challenge done in a month (never mind the fact that I may implode like said Coyote in the attempt to do so). I would also love to have the resources Wile E. has at his disposal. His ACME account must be unlimited and if they had an alcohol department, I would be all over that. The one drawback is his constant injuries. One can only fall off a cliff so many times before it would probably get tiresome. My hat is off to you buddy, keep chasing that rainbow and get yourself some sweet, sweet Roadrunner meat!

Inspector Gadget

He may be a bumbling idiot (sounds a little too similar to MY personality profile!), but he’s a respected and accomplished detective. Plus, he gets to travel the world, chasing criminals and use an array of high-tech – well, mostly low-tech umbrellas and such – gadgets (wait!? Is that why he’s called Inspector Gadget? Another of life’s mysteries solved). Perhaps I’d be the one to finally catch Dr. Claw. After all, in my younger days, I was very successful in my hunt for Carmen Sandiego and her band of henchmen. Go-go-gadget 12 inches, am I right, ladies?

Richie Rich

Simply put, the kid had a fully-staffed McDonald’s right inside his own house. We don’t even need to get into the whole gazillionaire, set-for-life kid, B.S. Nope, just McDonald’s… in your house… they would probably even do room service. I would hold these off-the-chain shindigs with the guys from Epic Meal Time and we’d get completely destroyed on Chicken McNuggets and milkshakes. It would be, well, epic.

So, doing a final tally, if I put all my traits together, like a wonderfully-blended cocktail, I would be invincible; surly, but lovable; driven, with uncapped resources; with my own personal McDonald’s restaurant where I could eat at every day and never gain weight… and let’s not forget about the 12-incher!

Drink #22: Envy

1.5 oz Tequila (I used Sauza Gold)
1 oz Blue Curacao
Top with Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Pineapple Wedge and Maraschino Cherry

Who (aside from super me) are you jealous of? Drop me a line and let me know. Perhaps your list will be better… I doubt it though, because I’m pretty awesome! Maybe there will be a list on narcissism in the future!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I like how this drink came together visually with the Blue Curacao half resting at the bottom of the martini glass and the rest combining with the Pineapple Juice to make a greenish hue, perfect for the Envy moniker. The taste wasn’t half bad either.

January 21 – Tequila Sunrise

Posted on January 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Re-Tequila-fication

Hola, amigos! It’s day two of Tequila Week and it’s probably time for a little education on the subject.

I know what you’re thinking, friends: as if you need another liquor lesson so soon after the last one. But fear not, for today is special. We are being joined by The Sip Advisor’s Mexican correspondent, Señor Juan Agave (pictured below). Judging by his photo, he really knows his tequila, or as I like to sometimes call it, to-kill-ya!

There are five different categories of tequila:

Blanco – un-aged white tequila; sometimes called Silver Tequila (this is generally the cheaper stuff that all us gringos like to slam back at Señor Frog’s during Spring Break)
Joven – a mixture of blanco and reposado tequilas; sometimes called Gold Tequila
Reposado – “rested” tequila, aged for a minimum of two months
Añejo – “aged” or “vintage” tequila, aged for a minimum of one year (your sipping Tequila… that’s right you’re actually supposed to SIP fine tequila… crazy, right?)
Extra Añejo – “extra aged” or “ultra aged” tequila, aged for a minimum of three years

The Extra Añejo category has only existed since 2006 and Joven is not very common, with Blanco, Reposado and Añejo being the most recognizable distinctions. The difference between all the categories, is in smoothness, with longer aging meaning a less harsh taste. If you’re not too picky, don’t worry about it. The booze all ends up in the same place, after all… with the same results.

On the other hand, awesome Añejo tequilas can be found for reasonable prices (in places other than Canada, that is) and these can really improve the taste of any mixed drink.

Now let’s tackle the worm myth… I’d put money on the fact that every person who reads this and has taken a trip to Mexico, had at least one person tell them: “Don’t drink the worm, man!” There is no worm. You will never find a reputable bottle of tequila with a worm in it. A worm in tequila is like some kind of moonshine-maker project. If you do find a bottle of tequila in some back alley in Mexico with a worm in it, drink it immediately… this is the true fountain of youth. Please report back to me on your results… after you’re released from the hospital, of course.

There are two municipalities in Mexico named Tequila and both are producers of the liquor. One is located in Veracruz and the other in Jalisco. In Jalisco, the people are known to chase their tequila shots with a drink called Sangrita, meaning “little blood”. It’s comprised of orange juice, lime juice, grenadine, chili powder or hot sauce and a slice or two of jalapenos… hey, why not add the jalapenos? Also, in Jalisco, there is a train called the Tequila Express. Imagine if Agatha Christie’s famous novel was actually titled Murder on the Tequila Express and featured all the characters getting liquored up and into fist fights while solving the crime.

And, very randomly, the song Tequila, originally performed by The Champs, reached #1 on the Billboard Charts on March 28, 1958. It was recorded in just three takes and was never intended to be more than a B-side jam session track. I’m totally going to blast that tune while doing this Saturday’s Super Shot!

As for the Tequila Sunrise and it’s trivial pursuit, well, it has been used for the title of a movie, a pair of songs (by The Eagles and Cypress Hill, respectively) and was the finishing move of pro wrestler Konnan.

Drink #21: Tequila Sunrise

1.5 oz Tequila (I used Hornitos Reposado)
Top with Orange Juice
Drizzle Grenadine into the drink and let it settle
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry

If done properly, or as I usually work, above average, you will have the makings of a beautiful liquid sunrise, with the red atmosphere rising to greet the day and a little fireball in the sky. Mix it all up and the sunrise is complete. In the future, I will also be making the Tequila Sunset, which substitutes blackberry liqueur or brandy for the grenadine!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
For some reason, I often find Orange Juice-based drinks disappointing and this recipe was no different. Sure, it looks neat with the Grenadine floating through the juice, but I can’t completely get behind the taste of the mix.

January 20 – Melon Margarita

Posted on January 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Well friends and fellow sippers, I’m back from Mexico, with a ton of new booze, so that seems like the perfect opportunity to launch into Tequila Week. Each day I’ll feature a different tequila-based cocktail and together we’ll all get a little loco!

Also, before I left for our holiday I sent a kindly-worded letter to my liver advising it (I seem to do a lot of advising) of the upcoming situation. When I returned home, this was waiting for me. My liver must have mailed it or something (doesn’t your liver mail you stuff?):

Rebuttal from my Liver

Dear Sip Advisor,

So, let me get this straight… first you drag me to Mexico – kicking and screaming as only a poor liver can – for a tortuous week at an all-inclusive resort, and just when I think I’ll finally get some rest, you have the audacity to announce that today is the start of Tequila Week!

At the resort, you decided, in your infinite wisdom, to do your own all-inclusive challenge and try to have one of every single drink on their pool bar menus. There were 72 drink mixes on that menu, what the firetruck were you thinking!? The only thing that steered you away from this (after you were already halfway through the list, mind you) was when you grew tired of the sugary mixes the bartenders were using. But naturally that’s about the time when you discovered the anejo dark rum… thanks a lot buddy [sigh].

How did you like the 24-hour flu I e-mailed your way? That was supposed to stop you, or at the very least, slow you down. Instead you took one day off and then made up for the missed action when you’d recovered.

I would, hereby, like to announce my secession from your body… if only I could find a way out.

Your long-suffering frenemy,

Liver

Hmmm… tough love, but my liver does have a point. Sugary pre-made mixes are generally a big no-no for all my little sippers out there. When you can, try to make all or the majority of your drink from scratch, or at the very least, use higher quality fresh juices or mixer. Your liver (and your friends) will thank you for it!

Without further ado, here is the first tequila drink, starting with a slight spin on an old classic:

Drink #20: Melon Margarita

Rim glass with lemon or lime juice, followed by salt
1.5 oz tequila
1 oz Melon Liqueur
Top with Margarita Mix (optional)
Garnish with lime or watermelon wedge

I hope the rest of Tequila Week is as delicious as today was. Have a great tequila recipe that you’d like to see featured here on Sip Advisor? Just let my liver and me know!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I’m a big Margarita fan (providing it’s on the rocks and not frozen) and I also have a massive appreciation for melon liqueur. Put the two together and you should have one fine cocktail and here, you do.

January 19 – On the Cusp

Posted on January 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Birthday Bumps

It’s my wife’s birthday and after everything she does for me (and you readers – she is, after all, responsible for most of the photos that grace this site, as well as being my muse, my editor and sometimes my censor), I owe her a great deal of gratitude. Therefore, I decided to invent a shot to celebrate her big day (as if the brand new Daniel Sedin, Vancouver Canucks jersey and other surprises weren’t enough!), mixing a couple of her favourites together in this week’s shot.

I started with a thin layer of chocolate syrup that will make for a nice chaser to go with the rest of the recipe. Remember rule #1: girls love chocolate. Also, chocolate can represent the “earth” element of Capricorn or how Capricorns are supposed to be all grounded and practical or other such nonsense. Next up, when I first met my wife nearly 11 years ago, she was a massive coconut fan and still is. I believe one of the first hard alcohols she ever got into – as is the case with many 18-year-old girls – was Malibu Rum, so that was definitely going to be part of the shot. I followed that with some Chocolate Whipped Vodka because, once again, rule #1: girls love chocolate. Seriously, I have never met a woman that doesn’t love the sweet stuff. Even if a girl is allergic to chocolate, they will eat it to the point of needing an EpiPen. Finally we finish the concoction with Blue Curacao for no other reason than I think of the colour blue when I hear the word ‘Aquarius’. Decorate it all up a little with coconut shavings and there you have it, a beautiful birthday shot that you can say is homemade and earn extra brownie points to be cashed in when you’ve bestowed a handful or so of these onto the pretty lady!

And to think, I was originally thinking of making her a macaroni self-portrait… her loss!

Drink #19: On the Cusp

Rim glass with coconut shavings
Pour a thin layer of chocolate syrup into the shot glass
0.5 oz Malibu Rum
0.5 oz Chocolate Whipped Vodka
0.5 oz Blue Curacao
Sprinkle some coconut shavings into the shot

If you would like me to create a shot for you or your partner, drop me a line, let me know what you or they like and I’ll do my best to come up with something.

P.S.: Tequila week starts tomorrow, so I better see everyone doing The Worm!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
This shot, a completely original recipe, might I add, was absolutely amazing. From the Coconut Rim, all the way through the spirits to the thin layer of Chocolate Syrup, the whole shebang was wonderful. Of course, I save only my best for Mrs. Sip!

January 18 – Lounge Lizard

Posted on January 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Bar Hopping

While being privileged to travel the world, I’ve made numerous stops in bars and lounges, some good, some bad. Here are my favourites:

JT Sch mid’s – Anaheim , CA

There is nothing like seeing the sea of Vancouver Canucks fans invade this bar in Anaheim (conveniently across the street from the Honda Centre) after a Canucks-Ducks NHL game. Enjoying a hefeweizen beer in the outside patio with its fire pits and heaters: $10; a mass of Canucks fans booing the hometown Anaheim fans looking to enjoy a pint: priceless!

Jimmy’s Taphouse – Vancouver, B.C.

Jimmy’s is my hometown favourite to grab a pint. Reasonably priced drinks, excellent food and the best part is that the place is just a block walk away from my apartment and has a cool view of our city’s Colosseum-style library. It is also one of the few places downtown where I can find Red Truck Lager. They also have the occasional customer appreciation night where you, the valued customer, can score some free pints and food! Jimmy (whoever he is) is my man!

Hyde Lounge – Las Vegas, NV

This is one of my favourite, surprisingly hidden, attractions in Sin City. Here, you can sip a wide array of martinis and other cocktails and although the drinks are a little pricey, it is well worth it for the front row view of the Bellagio’s water fountain show. I’d stay here all day if it wasn’t for the previously mentioned prices and after about 9pm, they start pumping club music into the place, rather than the music that goes so perfectly with the fountains. Therefore, after a few warm-up drinks at Hyde, and looking to stretch our money a little more, we’re off into the night, eventually ending up at…

The Pub – Las Vegas, NV

It may not have the cleverest title, but two words: dueling pianos… the greatest bar invention since the keg. This bar, located inside the Monte Carlo, is amazing. You can get a pint of beer or shot of Jameson Whiskey for $2… I am prone to doubling down and getting both. Mixing beer and liqour… it’s really the only gambling I do in Vegas. The dueling pianists – once again, that’s pianists – take requests from the audience all night long and because of the ample seating in the bar, we’ve never had an issue getting in. The food here is also decent and while there are other dueling piano locations on the strip, this is far and above, my favourite.

Willie T’s – Key West, FL

My wife and I did a self-guided pub crawl when our Western Caribbean cruise stopped in Key West, Florida. Pay $40 each for the cruise-sponsored excursion, only to be taken around and still have to pay for drinks on top of that??? Fuck that noise! They hit a trio of places, while we squeezed at least eight places into our crawl – best described as more of a stagger. I say at least eight because although we were trying to take a picture outside each place, well counting wasn’t our forte that day. Our preferred stop along the crawl route was Willie T’s, which is very recognizable thanks to the dollar bills stapled all around the joint. To top the story off, we paid a combined total of $50 on drinks and food!

The Fox & Fiddle – Toronto, ON

I spent a lot of good nights at The Fox & Fiddle during my year living in Toronto. Notable for its incredibly huge team pitchers (approx. two pitchers in one), it was here that I spent April Fool’s Day, Canada Day and my birthday that year, as well as my karaoke debut (probably due to the aforementioned team pitchers). Sadly, it was also the setting for my goodbye round of drinks with all the friends I made over my stay.

Coco Bongo – Cancun, Mexico

I hate clubs. I mean absolutely downright hate them… except this little gem. A Mexican specialty your cover charge is all-inclusive. They serve you tequila shots as you wait to enter the place, then once you’re inside, guess what, more tequila shots! The music is rocking, drinks are flowing freely, and just when you think it can’t get any better, the show element begins, as dancers, actors and stuntmen do takes on movies like Chicago, Spiderman and others. All of a sudden confetti and balloons are being shot around and it all gets pretty epic. What could be the cherry of this awesome sundae? Oh, I don’t know, how about a midget dressed as Beetlejuice pouring a shot into your mouth!

Drink #18: Lounge Lizard

1.5 oz Dark Rum
1 oz Disaronno
Top with Cola
Garnish with lemon wedge stand for umbrella (umbrella sold separately!)

It should be noted that I’ve found another variant to this drink, same name, but different ingredients, which completely change the look of the cocktail. The second Lounge Lizard combines melon liquer, blue Curacao, coconut rum and lemon-lime soda and you can bet your sweet bippy that I’ll be making it sometime in the future. So, continue checking back at the ol’ Sip Advisor and keep on keeping on!

Part 2 of my favourite bars will be posted in the future, along with another wonderful cocktail. Have a great weekend, all!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I really enjoyed this drink. It’s simple yet delicious. It makes me wonder if there’s anything Disaronno (Amaretto) can’t mix well with, as I’ve yet to find a concoction where it doesn’t hit the spot.

January 17 – Sea Breeze

Posted on January 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

I’m Hot for Teacher (It’s Me!)

Today is all about education at The Sip Advisor. At least this isn’t a science course and I’m not teaching you about real sea breezes. No, where we’re going, you don’t need any stinkin’ notepads. We’re learning through drinking. So, take off your hats and glasses, because this here’s the wildest ride in the wilderness! (*Gold star if you know where the reference comes from…)

The fraternal twin of the Bay Breeze gets its chance to shine today. What’s funny about the Sea Breeze is how many times the recipe has changed over the years. It’s as if makers of the drink were never fully satisfied with the ingredients… that or they got too drunk and forgot how to make it properly, stumbling upon better recipes accidentally. It began as a gin and grenadine mix during prohibition times, which would later include apricot brandy and lemon juice. Then it consisted of vodka, dry vermouth, Galliano and blue Curacao in the 1930’s (so yes, Sea Breezes used to have blue in it like… well, the sea!) . When cranberry juice began to be a popular mixer with alcohol, the Sea Breeze saw another adjustment to its formula (gone went the blue so that the closest ingredient referencing the sea today is if you use Ocean Spray cranberry juice).

Sea Breeze also has a family, known as the Cape Codder drinks. Descendant from papa Codder are sisters the Greyhound and the Salty Dog, as well as broski, the Bay Breeze. All these drinks saw a dip in popularity during the 1960’s as the U.S. Department of Health announced that cranberry crops were contaminated with toxic herbicides (who dropped the ball on that one?), before making a resurgence in the 1970’s, likely because of disco music (okay, I don’t know that last part for a fact, but you have to blame something and it might as well be disco. What’s disco going to do? Come after me? Get all up in my face and challenge me… to a dance off… which I would lose… dammit!)

Many popular actors and actresses have ordered the Sea Breeze on TV and in movies. This list includes Meg Ryan (French Kiss), David Spade (Just Shoot Me!), Woody Harrelson (The Walker) and perhaps neatest of all, especially for all the geeks out there who were into the whole Buffy/Angel series (which I may know all about having been forced to watch both entire series – that’s 12 seasons of awful – by a girl I once dated… and still married, despite the torture), the collectible figure of Lorne from Angel comes with his very own Sea Breeze accessory, as it was the character’s drink of choice.

Now let’s all reenact the “Oh Captain, my Captain” scene from Dead Poets Society… no, you don’t want to do that for me… alright, but Robin Williams – the original Furby – is going to hold this over my head for years to come.

Drink #17: Sea Breeze

1.5 oz Vodka
Top with half cranberry juice and half grapefruit juice
Garnish with lime wedge

Please turn in your pencils, as time is up on the exam. Your final grades will be in at the end of the week and have a great summer. It may only be January, but it’s nice to think ahead to those warmer months, those colder drinks and the wonderful smell of barbecued meat!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
The Sea Breeze fared just as well as its sibling the Bay Breeze in that it was a decent drink, but nothing to take your breath away. They are both nice summer drinks and maybe I made the mistake of reviewing them in January.

January 16 – Not So Fuzzy Navel

Posted on January 16, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Mantiquing

I’m not the biggest man-scaper out there. That doesn’t mean I don’t take care of myself. I hit the gym, clip my nails, gel my hair on special occasions, shave and shower regularly… you know, all the necessary stuff… Wow, I’ll stop right there because this is starting to feel like an eHarmony profile. (P.S.: I’d be horrible in today’s dating world!)

Let’s cut straight to the chase. Recently and for the second time in my life, I got my chest waxed. I won’t do things like manicures and pedicures, but when I’m going to spend a week or longer with my shirt frequently off, the chest hair has to go. It’s my personal choice, but I like to think the results speak for themselves.

Back to my story, remember I’m a rookie at all this, I enter the house of pain otherwise known as a spa and I’m not even sure what to do or where to go. I’m quickly ushered by the uninterested receptionist to a back room (I don’t like where this is going). The door is then shut behind me and all I see is a pot of wax being melted, jazz music being played and a muted showing of Pirates of the Caribbean on the little TV in the room.

I quickly conclude that this could possibly be a death trap at the hands of a pirate-loving saxophonist. Adding to my uneasiness is the faint sound of screams I can hear that seem to have been absorbed by the walls over years and years of hair being ripped out in the name of self-beautification. But it must be my imagination, right? At this point I’m wondering what on earth made me decide this was a good idea.

Then the door opens and a woman comes in and tells me to take my shirt off… if only it was that easy in the outside world. This must be the waxer… waxist?… whatever, I’m past caring by this point. Once topless and lying down on the gurney (easier to wheel out the bodies after?) – some wax is applied to a strip-sized area of my chest. My shoes are still on. Don’t want to get TOO comfortable, plus it gives me the ability to run away, if necessary. What a sight that would be: the Sip Advisor running half naked down the streets of downtown Vancouver with one patch of chest hair missing.

The first few strips are yanked off and it’s not a walk in the park. She must almost be finished, I think, until I take a quick look down and see that barely any progress has been made. “You have a strong pain threshold,” the waxologist tells me and I feel like a badass! She tears another strip and tears well up in my eyes, so much for being a badass.

The worst part is that Ms. Wax N’ Buff wants to have a conversation while she’s doing her job. It’s like the dentist chatting you up while their fingers and tools are in your mouth… okay dirty birdy, not that tool… As I’m in mid-reply to one of her questions, she yanks a strip of fur off my stomach and I nearly choke on my own words.

Finally, it’s over! I breathe a sigh of relief and let my guard down, until I’m splashed with alcohol. My eyes shoot open and I try valiantly to push through the burn. Then it’s time to towel off, pay my bill and leave. Wham, bam, thank you ma’am!

When I get home, I’m looking to recover from the traumatic experience… I need a drink. I drink when recovering from most things: chick flicks, the Canucks losing the playoffs (again), the mention of the word vasectomy… it’s what I do! That’s when I stumbled upon the Not So Fuzzy Navel. It seemed like perfect choice.

Drink #16: Not So Fuzzy Navel

1.5 oz Peach Schnapps
Top with half Grapefruit Juice and half Orange Juice
Garnish with Orange Wedges

The drink did its job and numbed my pain… that is until I had to do my next application of rubbing alcohol… Not to fear, loyal readers, that was followed by my next application of drinking alcohol!

Are you into mantiquing? Got any tips for me? Leave me a comment. My wife may appreciate your advice for me, more than I do!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is a very light drink given it’s only liquor is Peach Schnapps. The flavour was pretty good given you have peach, grapefruit and orange all coming together and I was surprised they blended so well.

January 15 – Purple Flirt

Posted on January 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Tim Horton’s, Target and Rotisserie Chicken, Oh My!

Recently I wrote about my own “Missed Connection,” playing off the Craigslist page where you can write to someone you randomly bumped into and wonder if they noticed you too. That got the editorial team (my wife and me) at The Sip Advisor thinking that there could be some other good missed connections out there worth dissecting. It didn’t take very long at all to find a few diamonds in the rough. If only these people could be as bold in their real life as they are behind their keyboards (pot calling the kettle black!?!?). Perhaps the Purple Flirt would have helped them?

Missed Connections: Timmy Ho’s

i seen you again today my sweet honey crueller

quit being so cruel too me

i saw you eating a big bowl of tim hostrons chilly – you coulndt get enouf

the napkins were all overthe table stained in with sweet tims

i think you also had a boston cream donut on the side wit ha cocna cola (you awlays order the same thign)

i was the one whoe ordered the bbq chicken snack wraper with canadian maple and M double-doulble

wont u be my honey curller? i will fill you up with my boston cream 😉

Advisor’s Take: I don’t think we’re talking about donuts anymore! Maybe we never were. Does the girl this poster is writing about have scoliosis? Why else would she be comparable to the twisted honey cruller?

Why do guys think the quickest route to a woman’s heart is through vulgarity? What happened to chivalry!? I guess you just don’t find true romance at Tim Horton’s anymore.

I think both of these people are lost causes: one’s a messy eater and I’ve personally had “enouf” of the other’s writing style.

Missed Connection: Dinner and a Shopping Spree

Hi babe where are you?

you pulled in last week with you gray van
and you wayed to me from inside the van
you throw me a kiss,,,,,,,,,looking for you
badly……lets meet again and go for dinner
and i will take you to Target for shopping
You could buy anything you want NO LIMIT

Advisor’s Take: Damn! An all-expenses paid trip to Target?!!… What gal wouldn’t jump all over that!? (I’d jump all over that!). Can you imagine how that would go? I’d go absolutely crazy in the candy aisle, grabbing Skittles and Starburst before going into a candy-induced coma. And let’s not even think about what could be achieved in the liquor and mixer aisles. I’d ruin this guy and put him into debt for years to come. Just like the club, he couldn’t handle me!

I also can’t believe how awful the grammar and spelling is in these posts. It makes me scared for the future of this world.

Missed Connections: Rear-Ender

Thanks for rear-ending me [with your shopping cart]!! haha… I loved your juicy, succulent, breasts… delicious thighs… and then I looked away from your rotisserie chicken and saw your very sexy smile…. 😉

Let’s chat. Look forward to hearing back from you.

Advisor’s Take: What a great opening line: your rotisserie chicken! I’m totally going to steal that for my own repertoire. This guy is actually quite clever. I’d give him a chance. And what a tale to tell your future grandchildren. Grandma and grandpa met when grandma rear-ended grandpa. Ha ha… because, you know, women are bad at driving! Oh grandpa, you’re such a card…

Drink #15: Purple Flirt

1.5 oz Vodka
1 oz Sambuca
Top with cranberry juice
Garnish with pick of Maraschino cherries

Well, the drink didn’t really turn out purple, as you can see. I guess that’s symbolic of the “Missed Connections” on Craigslist. Sometimes things just don’t work out no matter how hard (or little) you try.

Seen any other crazy or funny “Missed Connections”? Send them my way, as I’m always in search of a good laugh!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
While there were a few disappointing elements to this cocktail, what dropped its score the most was the fact it didn’t even turn out purple. Next the mixing of Sambuca and Cranberry Juice is one I still question. They just don’t seem to fit together.

January 14 – Spiced Sour

Posted on January 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Evolution

One of my favourite elements of mixology is trying new liquors and mixers and seeing how different things come together in look and taste. I love how innovative some companies are becoming, as they release different flavours and adaptations of their normal products.

There are a ton of flavoured vodkas and rums out there. Vodka companies like Van Gogh and Pinnacle seem to be bringing out new flavours on a regular basis, while Stoli and Smirnoff can be counted on for the more traditional tastes like various berry and citrus brands. Bacardi and Captain Morgan have this variety covered in the rum world. Whiskey and tequila companies seem to be getting on board with this concept as well and over the last few years, we’ve seen a number of innovative products hit the market.

Some of the more interesting flavours I’ve seen out there, that I’d like to try, include:

Three Olives Loopy (Froot Loops-flavoured vodka) – It’s very important to start your day off on the right note with a balanced breakfast. I bet Toucan Sam never smelled this one coming!

Van Gogh Peanut Butter & Jelly Vodka – Why not drink my favourite sandwich (and I make a mean PB&J).

Bakon Vodka – I’m a huge bacon fan and can’t wait to sample this sometime, although it’s a bit pricey. If they ever create a pulled pork vodka, I’ll be first in line!

360 Glazed Donut Vodka – With the Froot Loops, PB&J, bacon and now donut flavours, you have breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert, respectively, all covered.

Malibu Red (coconut rum mixed with tequila) – I’m really curious about this liquor. The coconut and tequila blend might be really nice and a unique twist for some new cocktails.

Malibu Fresh (coconut rum mixed with mint) – Like Malibu Red, I have to give this a try before judging, but at first glance, I just can’t see coconut and mint coming together well… or maybe I can.

Crown Royal Maple – I fully intend to pour this on waffles and pancakes. I love Crown Royal and trust that they know what they’re doing.

With all that said, I recently picked up a bottle of Wiser’s Spiced Whiskey. I was excited to try this because I love spiced rum (particularly Sailor Jerry’s) and I love whiskey. Put the two together and you should be on the right track. The Wiser’s did not disappoint and came with a little card advertising a few recipes to try with the new release. One of those was the Spiced Sour, an adaptation of the Whiskey Sour, one of my all-time faves.

Drink #14: Spiced Sour

2 oz Wiser’s Spiced Whiskey
1.5 oz lemon juice
1 oz simple syrup
Dash of egg whites
Garnish with lemon wedge and Maraschino cherry

I have to admit that I didn’t even realize until this post was almost complete that I forgot the egg whites. Usually you shake all the ingredients together and strain. The egg whites leave a foamy layer at the top of the drink. All the recipes I was looking at skip this step of the process, but I’ve made enough whiskey sours in my time that I should know better. I apologize to all the little Sip-A-Maniacs out there. I am, of course, open to better names for fans of this blog…

Do you have other examples of liquor-flavour evolution that you’d like to pass on to me? That would be greatly appreciated. My thanks, in advance!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I’m such a maroon. After making the drink, taking the required photos and downing that bad boy, I realized that I had neglected to include the frothy egg whites in the concoction. Well, dock the Sip Advisor a couple points on your score card. The drink is very heavy in lemon flavour, which sometimes I find to be too much. Otherwise, it’s a recommendable cocktail.