September 27 – No Clue

Posted on September 27, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Question Master

The Sip Advisor is one of the world’s greatest philosophers. I spend hours each day pondering questions that need to be answered. One of the great issues I’ve been wrestling with for a while now is why do movie theatres not sell potato chips? Like the title of today’s feature drink, I just have no clue!

I believe popcorn to be an inferior product. Getting kernels stuck in my teeth, gums, and throat are completely unpleasant experiences. As Mrs. Sip purchased her usual order of popcorn (with Junior Caramels hidden in her purse to be added) and asked if I wanted anything, I ruffled my brow and contemplated my options.

Should I ask for an expensive chocolate bar or bag of candy? What about a burger, hot dog, or pizza? No, I want potato chips. That would really hit the spot right now.

Except, there are no potato chips to be found at the theatre.

Perhaps theatre operators believe the consumption of chips will be too loud… but eating popcorn isn’t a quiet activity and most locations do sell nacho chips (with that gross, but for some reason tempting cheese sauce).

No, I think what’s going on here is that the popcorn lobbyists know the second chips become available within the hallowed halls of the movie theatre, their business will completely dry up and disappear. This could send the world into some sort of recession, but we can thank the noble potato farmer for pulling the entire world onto its back and out of despair.

Popcorn is relatively cheap to produce and can be marked up extremely (not that theatres instinctively mark up their products!) for a higher profit margin. Money, the root of all popcorn evil!

Upon further examination, I couldn’t find any explanation as to why chips were barred from theatres, but I found an interesting post on a travel site (one which I refuse to mention by name because they ripped off this site’s moniker!) where patrons complained about chips (or crisps as they are known in the U.K.) being sold at productions of The Phantom of the Opera, in London.

If glorious chippies can be consumed in a setting with live actors… thespians, even… why can they not be enjoyed in a movie theatre?

And consider this dismaying fact: a large-sized bag of popcorn (unbuttered!) at the theatre contains the fat content of two Big Mac burgers! Those chips, deep-fried or otherwise don’t look so bad now, do they?

Drink #270: No Clue

2 oz Vodka
1.5 oz Triple Sec
Top with Dr. Pepper
Garnish with Strawberry

I’m imposing a boycott on movie theatres until my precious potato chips are desegregated from the snack population. Until then, I will happily crunch away on the glorious treat, in the comfort of my own home. And so begins the standoff!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I love drinks with Dr. Pepper and this recipe was no different. Triple Sec was a nice compliment to the cherry-flavoured soda. I used an upside down Strawberry to garnish the drink, as I thought it kind of looked like a dunce hat.

September 18 – Mai-Tai

Posted on September 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rum Diary

There are some pretty good rum slogans out there, as companies try to capitalize on the liquor’s perception as a laid back spirit. Here are some of my favourites, as we sail through the Caribbean!:

Sailor Jerry’s – This is no girly rum.

One of my favourite libations of all time and a brand that could be the first inductee into my own personal liquor hall of fame (oh, that sounds like a good article idea!), I love Sailor Jerry’s. And yes, it is certainly not a girly rum… even though there’s a picture of a girl prominently on the bottle. I’ve probably gone through more bottles of Sailor Jerry’s than any other alcohol and that’s something to be proud of!

Malibu – Malibu… seriously easy going.

With the company’s blend of light rum and fruit flavours, one could definitely conclude that Malibu is “seriously easy going”! Is there anything finer in life than relaxing on a sandy beach, the sun bronzing your skin, with a rum-based cocktail in your hand? The all-inclusive industry was based on this theory and now those companies thrive in having people get their R&R on, accompanied by the divine secrets of sweet lady liquor.

Appleton – Raise your rum!

And toast the liquor gods, while you’re at it. This slogan is two-fold. On one hand, they’re talking about raising the quality of the rum you drink when you choose Appleton. On the other hand, it can be viewed as a toast and celebration thanks to the fine folks at Appleton. I’m a big fan of Appleton, something I know I’m not alone on. So, raise your rum to the Sip Advisor and let’s get bombed!

Bacardi – Live like you mean it.

I grew up on Bacardi, as it was my parent’s rum of choice and as a result, I’ll always have a place in my heart for the spirit. I like to think I live most days to the fullest and Bacardi has often helped me with that quest. The Sip Advisor becomes a whole different being when the rum is flowing and good times are set to be had. Every day should be cherished in some way and Bacardi is always a good start!

Captain Morgan – Got a little Captain in you?

I certainly have a little Captain in me… just not in that way… not that there’s anything wrong with that! I have a sense of adventure and of boozing my way through those glorious good times. Pirating is surely in my blood, somewhere along the family lines because I love rum, the water, being aboard ships, and causing mayhem. For those of you that don’t like those things, you can apply to my school of rehabilitation and we’ll get that all sorted out.

Parrot Bay – The Parrot is calling.

If the Parrot is calling, I’m certainly listening! And that’s even though I absolutely hate birds. At least the parrot is a colourful species, which helps you ignore all the other annoying bird elements for a short time. Then, once you get to the rum drinking, you completely put aside all of your hatred towards the aviary animals. We can all get along thanks to a little shared enjoyment of the finer things in life.

Drink #261: Mai-Tai

0.75 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan)
0.75 oz Light Rum
0.5 oz Amaretto
0.5 oz Triple Sec
Top with half Orange Juice and half Pineapple Juice
Float Grenadine
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry and Cocktail Umbrella

Which rum slogans are you particularly fond of? Has the Sip Advisor slipped up and left your favourite line off this list. Come on, give me hell!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
While I wasn’t able to pull of the traditional Mai-Tai recipe (not having access to Orgeat Syrup), Mrs. Sip and I found an adapted recipe that subs Amaretto in its place. The drink was good, surprising Mrs. Sip who has a dislike for Amaretto and a love for Mai-Tais. If it passes her taste test, it can’t be written off!

September 13 – Drunk Monkey

Posted on September 13, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Shows for the Sloshed

Let me set the picture: you’ve returned to your humble abode after a night out on the town and you’re looking for some viewing entertainment to go along with your nightcap. What do you choose to watch? Here’s what the Sip Advisor has on deck to satiate the inebriated mind!

Mr. T’s World’s Craziest Fools

This show hits on everything I want while under the influence: people doing stupid stuff and getting hurt (one of my favourite things to see in the history of the world), good writing that will leave you laughing your ass off, and lines delivered by the esteemed Mr. T. While the whole genre of amateur footage is one I’ve always appreciated, there’s just something about Mr. T ripping into all these “foos” that is so refreshing.

Tosh.0

In a similar vein to Mr. T’s show, comedian Daniel Tosh lampoons everything going on the wild, wild web, from YouTube videos to internet celebrities and everything in between. Tosh also gets his audience involved in the program with interactive jokes through Twitter, Skype and other social media enterprises. Tosh will not hesitate to rip any subject to shreds, or even reenact it himself, and fans love him for it.

Man vs. Food

Host Adam Richman is a total delight, as he tours the United States, trying food challenges and showcasing restaurants famous for their amazing meals. The one caveat with watching a show like this while drunk is that you have to have some great foods to feast on or else you’ll just get jealous and moody. Before you know it, you’ll be staggering your way to a local eatery in search of pulled pork and poutine and you won’t rest until your shirt is stained with gravy and barbecue sauce!

Aqua Teen Hunger Force

When you’ve downed a bunch of drinks, your attention span may be depleted. That’s what makes these 15-minute episodes (only about 10 minutes if the commercials are cut) so attractive. The characters (I guess that’s what you’d call an anthropomorphized hamburger meat, soft drink cup, and fry carton) are quickly loveable and the jokes are funny. The episodes can be a little crazy with pace, but it’s worth the ride time and again.

Wilfred

I’ve only just started watching this series, but I have no doubt that it will provide drunken evening entertainment for some time to come. The humour is raunchy and a little dark and there’s just something about a dude dressed in a dog suit smoking from a bong, drinking beer, and humping attractive women that I find so endearing. Australian Jason Gann plays Wilfred, who’s as naughty as a puppy can come!

Archer

Sterling Archer is a top-notch secret agent, despite his battles with alcohol and being a total ass. When Mrs. Sip and I got into this series, we watched all four seasons in the span of a few weeks, myself being plastered most nights (making wicked awesome drinks for all you little sippers) and Mrs. Sip joining me on many occasions. You start watching the show for Archer himself, but soon find yourself appreciating each character for what they bring to the show.

South Park

What could be better than a group of potty-mouthed youngsters taking shots at everything and anything? Nothing is off limits to creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I’d have to give Eric Cartman the nod as my favourite character, preferring to see him when he’s trying to start a new business venture to capitalize on some current trend, but I also enjoy a number of the secondary characters, with Randy Marsh topping that list.

Drink #256: Drunk Monkey

1 oz Banana Liqueur (I used Bols)
1 oz Melon Liqueur
1 oz Triple Sec
Top with half Cranberry Juice and half Pineapple Juice
Garnish with a Banana Slice

This list also works for people that are high. Really, any show is pretty good when you’re feeling a little fuzzy. I like to learn – or try to learn – when I’m tanked and will watch anything on the Discovery Channel or other educational networks… provided there isn’t a better adult cartoon on at the same time!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I took my photos before mixing the drink because the layering looked cool. All the ingredients shine at some point during each taste, but Mrs. Sip affectionately called it ‘banana in a cup’! There is also a Drunk Monkey Shooter I’d like to try that mixes Banana Liqueur with Sambuca, which will surely be an interesting blend.

August 16 – Mexican Bulldog

Posted on August 16, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Freebie Frenzy

On my twice daily trips to the liquor store, I love seeing the little freebies that are often attached to a bottle of alcohol. They can sometimes provide the tipping point in what I choose to spend my allowance on. Here are some of the more unique items I’ve seen:

Glass Clip and Rimming Salt – Corona Beer

In homage of today’s frozen cocktail, Corona released a set that included a case of beers, a Margarita-style glass, rimming salt and a clipping device that would allow you to pop a beer bottle into your drink with little fuss or mess. Sadly, I didn’t pick up the set and am kicking myself over it ever since.

Rimming Salt – Sauza Tequila

Much like the above entry, rimming salt and Tequila go hand-in-hand. Legend has it that they were separated at birth and have been destined to walk the earth searching for one another, reuniting solely in Margaritas, Palomas, and Tequila Shooters. It is a quest worth completing.

Playing Cards – Bacardi Rum

What does every boozehound need to have on their person at all times? A deck of playing cards, of course. When the Rum is flowing and fun is needed to be had, is there a better way to find it then shuffling up some cards? You can play a myriad of games, from Strip Poker to King’s Cup and everything in between.

Coaster – Wiser’s Whiskey

The Wiser’s Whiskey advertising campaign celebrating the Society of Uncompromising Men is one of my favourites. Well, what better way to be a classy drinker than to have a travelling coaster with you at all times. The only thing that sucks about giveaways like this are you’d have to buy four bottles to have a complete set of coasters. I’m up for the challenge, though!

Phone Case – Bacardi Oakheart Spiced Rum

I’ve never actually had a phone skin or protective case. It’s called looking after your shit and not damaging it with reckless disregard. That said, if you want to sport the Bacardi Oakheart logo on your phone, all the power to you. It is a pretty wicked logo and at least now, you won’t be cracking your screen the next time you’re plastered!

Speaker – Smirnoff Vodka

I suppose the theory behind this pairing was that you could take your bottle of Vodka and speaker and create a one-man party! With no one else around, playing garbage music and ruining your funk, the good times would keep on rolling all through the night… until you blacked out in a glorious bender, that is.

Socks – Captain Morgan Spiced Rum

You may be thinking that socks are an odd item for a liquor company to be attaching to their product. And you might be right. It wasn’t even Christmas or anything. I do, however, believe there is a method to the madness here. The Captain Morgan company is simply making sure that their customers don’t get cold feet after passing out.

Cocktail Shaker – Dr. McGillicuddy’s Peach Schnapps

The last time I bought a bottle of Peach Schnapps, it came with a miniature cocktail shaker, which allowed you to make one drink at a time. Sure, it’s not a full-sized shaker, but the intent is to get you interested in mixology and playing around with Peach Schnapps, in particular. That is exactly what I did!

Bottle Light – Absolut Vodka

It’s been a dream of mine for some time now to have a full-sized man cave bar, complete with backlit shelves to highlight all the wonderful liquor I’ve purchased over the years. This device allows you to at least light up one of your bottles, letting it gleam a mesmerizing glow throughout your life, surrounding you with liquid sunshine and warmth.

Drink #228: Mexican Bulldog

Rim glass with Strawberry Sugar
2 oz PAMA Pomegranate Liqueur
2 oz Triple Sec
Splash of Lime Juice
Blend with Ice
1 Bottle of Coronita Beer
Garnish with Lime Wheel

If you’re interested in checking out my previous post on the subject of liquor freebies, you’ll find that here. Do you have a suggestion for a third post on this topic? As always, I’m waiting with bated breath!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
It’s pretty awesome to combine a delicious Margarita (the PAMA Rita is perhaps one of the best I’ve ever had) with a fresh, crisp beer! Coronita Beers were made especially for building the Mexican Bulldogs and they’re a cute little bottle of beer to have around. You have to be cautious with dunking the beer into your drink. Once we had it nestled into the drink, there was no mess to worry about, but first getting the brew in there caused some issues, particularly overflowing.

August 6 – The Three Ladies

Posted on August 6, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

All the Right Moves

I wish I had the skills these dudes have at making women swoon for them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no slouch, but it’s not like I can ever claim to have bedded three girls in the same movie or dated a menagerie of playmates all at the same time. I have, however, been named ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ by People Magazine, so I got that going for me! Here are the world’s finest Ladies Men:

Leon Phelps, The Ladies’ Man

The Saturday Night Live sketch character was always known to be surrounded by beautiful ladies, a roaring fire, and his snifter filled with Courvoisier Cognac (today’s featured alcohol). In this setting, the Ladies’ Man often waxed philosophical about how to treat a lady and efficiently get them into bed with you. While some question his techniques, the man speaks from experience.

James Bond

When not saving the world from a megalomaniac baddie, Double-0-7 can usually be found between the sheets with any number of beautiful women. His trysts never last long though, as his interest turns on him, is killed by a henchman or villain, or simply disappears with the beginning of a new mission and adventure. All that lovin’ and he doesn’t have to deal with any emotional mess… lucky bastard!

Austin Powers

The ‘International Man of Mystery’, Austin Powers, uses his mojo to shag just as many women as his inspiration, James Bond. While chasing down the diabolical Dr. Evil, Powers’ escapades present him with ample opportunity to work his magic on the fairer sex. His laundry list of bedmates includes Vanessa Kensington, Felicity Shagwell, and Foxxy Cleopatra. Best of all, he’s been able to land ladies across decades thanks to being frozen and his time travel exploits.

George Clooney

Cloontang was named People Magazine’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ in both 1997 and 2006, as well as TV Guide’s ‘Sexiest Star of All-Time,’ and the perennial bachelor has dated an endless list of the world’s most attractive women. From former wrestling personality Stacy Keibler to the future Mrs. John Travolta (Kelly Preston), Clooney has wooed them all.

Not sure if this falls under the ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ category!

Barney Stinson

Barney Stinson knows all the tricks in the book (he even wrote a couple guides) to make women fall for him instantly. Neil Patrick Harris gained the role thanks to playing a greatly exaggerated version of himself in the Harold and Kumar series of movies. Ironically, the Stinson womanizing character is a total contrast to NPH’s real life, where he is a monogamous gay man.

Val Venis

Wrestling’s most notable ladies’ man burst onto the scene in 1998 and quickly made a reputation for himself, wooing a number of fellow wrestler’s wives, girlfriends, valets, and even a rival’s sister. The porn star character would then make films with these girls, sending his opponents into a rage long before they met in the ring. An attempted castration of Venis was even attempted after he stole the wife of Mr. Yamaguchi. Yes, this actually happened on live TV!

Yes, there was actually a castration scene in professional wrestling…

Sterling Archer

Despite being a total dick, Archer has a way with the ladies. Perhaps it’s because he’s completely, 100% awesome! How can you not fall in love with a guy who drinks as much as he does and still functions at a secret agent level of ability? Sure he’s a little rough around the edges, but women are always looking for a fixer-upper and in Archer, you have the best of all worlds.

Hugh Hefner

The media magnate responsible for Playboy magazine has led a storied life full of beautiful women, often finding himself being shared by multiple females at the same time… and they’re usually girls that could be his great granddaughter! He’s currently married to a young lass 60 years his junior. Every guy dreams of hanging out at the Playboy Mansion grotto, surrounded by a bevy of lovely ladies and we have ol’ Hef to thank for that.

Drink #218: The Three Ladies

1 oz Courvoisier Cognac
0.5 oz Triple Sec
Splash of Lemon Juice
Splash of Club Soda
Dash of Simple Syrup
Dash of Angostura Bitters
Garnish with Lime Wedges and Mint Leaves

We’ve all learned a lot from these individuals and it’s time to put our knowledge to the test. Oh, Mrs. Sip, where are you? It’s time to play! Now where could she be hiding? Until next time…

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
There’s not much to this cocktail, but it still manages to be refreshing and flavourful, while remaining light. The Cognac comes through nicely for a fine finish.

July 3 – Karma Killer

Posted on July 3, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Liquor Karma

I am a strong and firm believer in my self-created concept of liquor karma. Being the owner and proprietor of a well-stocked home bar, as well as having a relatively full social calendar, there is much drinking to be done. I feel that if I am good with my duties, keeping my friends and family well-lubricated, then that will be rewarded to me when the time comes for the tables to be turned. Here is my manifesto of liquor and party laws:

If hosting a small gathering with close friends, you should expect people to tap into your stash. If they bring their own goodies, that is great, but unless otherwise stated in your invite, you must always be a good host. If your get together is impromptu, this increases your odds of having to provide. As a guest, “never arrive empty handed” is a good mantra to live by, even if it’s just a couple of beers for yourself.
If your invitation has any semblance of mentioning BYOB, then your guests should BYOB. Sadly, if you are a regular entertainer and have a really good bar, people will rely on you to just take care of them.
Never decimate a friend’s bar. No matter how generous the person is and regardless of what others are doing, show some respect. I’ve seen people drink a host’s expensive scotch… and we’re not talking about having a small glass or two.
When out at the bar, don’t nickel and dime your friends when it’s time to pay the tab. Also, make sure you take your proper turn in paying for the next pitcher of beer or round of cocktails.
Make sure to host the occasional event and take your turn at providing an evening’s worth of entertainment. Not only is it fair to share the responsibilities, but it can be an eye-opener to see how much work actually goes into hosting.

These lessons, as they are presented here, apply to drinking, but they can really work with anything in life from dinners out with friends, to chipping in for transportation, to any number of social events you may be invited to.

Drink #184: Karma Killer

1.5 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan)
0.25 oz Triple Sec
0.25 oz Peach Schnapps
Top with Fruit Punch
Garnish with Lemon Wheel

I’m happy to report that I have a good core group of friends that do follow this trend. There’s only one black sheep in the group who never brings anything, drinks all my good stuff and doesn’t offer returns when he hosts on rare occasions. So, Fred… you are the weakest link and are no longer allowed at the Sip Advisor’s bar. We’ve put your picture up at all entrances (there’s only one) and you will be escorted off the property if you try to get in.

Sip Advisor’s Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
The original recipe called for Fruit Punch, as well as Orange, Pineapple and Grapefruit Juices, but doesn’t Fruit Punch largely cover all that on its own? So, I nixed all the seperate juices. I also changed the Peach Brandy to Peach Schnapps, so this is really going the way of the adapted screenplay. The Peach Schnapps substitution was well worth it, as it is the sweet aftertaste you get with each sip and that’s quite enjoyable.

July 2 – Journalist Cocktail

Posted on July 2, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Journalistically Yours

Did you know that the Sip Advisor is actually a trained journalist, specializing in the field of sports writing? Well, today just happens to be World Sports Journalists Day. With that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the best fictional anchors, correspondents, and news teams!

Ron Burgundy & Channel 4 News Team – Anchorman

Ron Burgundy and the gang are a ratings sensation, which doesn’t please their rivals at Channel 2, especially fellow anchor Wes Mantooth. Aside from competition, Burgundy and company also have trouble in the form of women entering the news game and wanting their fair share of screen time and top stories. I can’t wait for the Anchorman sequel to come out and for so many new catchphrases to become part of the pop culture lexicon.

Will McAvoy & News Night Staff – The Newsroom

Mrs. Sip and I have just started watching this series and while I find all the yelling at each other and “I love my job so much I’m going to cry” looks very tiring, it’s a great program with amazing writing and characters you can actually root for (unlike another show that shall not be named because I refuse to have it linked in any way to these awesome “journalists”). The second season begins in just a couple weeks and we find ourselves learning more about the world through fiction than we do through, well…the actual news!

Channel 5 News Team – Family Guy

Led by anchor Tom Tucker and his wonderful mustache, the newscast also featured co-anchor Diane Simmons (until she snapped and tried to kill half the town’s residents), angry weatherman Ollie Williams, and token Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa. Tucker is the heart and soul of this team, though, and it’s always fun seeing him report on the absurd news that occurs in Quahog.

Stephen Colbert – The Colbert Report

Yes, Stephen Colbert is a real person, but his persona while delivering the news is completely fabricated… or at least we all hope it is! The super conservative’s take on world events highlights how insane some people’s view of the world can actually be. While I don’t watch The Colbert Report or Daily Show much anymore, I respect both Colbert and Jon Stewart for their work in becoming more trusted than actual newsmen.

FYI Team – Murphy Brown

Featuring hard-hitting reporter Murphy Brown, the FYI program, based in Washington, D.C., does a top job on covering the American capital. Brown is joined by anchor Jim Dial, investigative journalist Frank Fontana, media darling Corky Sherwood, and executive produced Miles Silverberg. The show was known for taking many of their storylines straight from the real headlines. When not on the set, the FYI crew could often be found at their local watering hole, Phil’s, and that I can get down with!

Kent Brockman & Channel 6 News Team – The Simpsons

Springfield’s resident journalist, Kent Brockman, is a trusted source within the community, even if he does have a spotty news record. His feud with traffic reporter Arnie Pye has led to on-air arguments between the two, which is about as professional as you’d expect a person from Springfield to be. Brockman also hosts other programs, such as Eye on Springfield, Smartline, and even game show Springfield Squares. His segment ‘My Two Cents’ is a highlight of most broadcasts.

The Lone Gunmen – X-Files

This troupe of nerd conspiracy theorists and magazine publishers has investigated some of the world’s greatest mysteries. Because of the nature of their examinations, they choose to remain underground and out of the public eye. Sadly, their spinoff show lasted only 13 episodes. While I never really watched the X-Files, I was interested in The Lone Gunmen because conspiracy theories are interesting to consider, while aliens bore me. Stunningly, the show’s pilot episode featured an attack on the World Trade Centre by hijacked planes six months before the actual 9/11 tragedy.

Weekend Update – Saturday Night Live

Whether you think of the original host, Chevy Chase, or the current presenter, Seth Meyers, Saturday Night Live has had a long run of comedians riffing on the news in what is often the show’s best segment. It’s hard to pick my favourite anchor or team among all the candidates, but I enjoyed Jane Curtain’s pairing with Dan Aykroyd, as well as the all-female duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

Drink #183: Journalist Cocktail

1.5 oz Gin (I used Hendrick’s)
0.5 oz Sweet Vermouth
0.5 oz Dry Vermouth
Splash of Triple Sec
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Orange Bitters
Garnish with Lemon Wheel and Pen

This was a hard list to narrow down, as it seems every show has a news element to help forward storyline and such. I even had to cut Sesame Street’s resident journalist, Kermit the Frog!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I like this cocktail, despite my sometimes negative feelings about Vermouths. All the ingredients went well together and none were overwhelming in the recipe. The Hendick’s Gin was a nice touch.

June 13 – Cactus Berry

Posted on June 13, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Please Bring Me My Wine

A little quote from The Eagles hit “Hotel California” to get us diving head first into the wine week’s themed playlist. I never knew there were so many songs about chardonnays, merlots and pinot grigios. I should have known better!

Red, Red Wine – UB40

Goes to my head… by far, the best wine song in existence. The lyrics read like a true story, as we’ve all experienced the red wine buzz that makes the brain feel like it’s floating and only remains encased in our head by the strong structure of the skull. What a wonderful sensation indeed!

Spill the Wine – War

This song is pretty sweet and anytime the flute comes out, you know you’re in for a hell of an aural experience… I said aural, not the other one! The song has also been performed by The Isley Brothers, but I prefer the War version. It’s just a little more psychedelic, in my opinion.

Wine Take Me Away – Merle Haggard

Ol’ Merle takes us down a country road and into wine country. This dude sang a bunch of songs about the grapes, but this has to be one of his better tunes. Like many people, Merle considers wine a friend of his and I can’t really blame him.

Strawberry Wine – Deana Carter

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I muted this song shortly after it started and just watched the beautiful Miss Carter. Hey, I don’t get paid for this, so I have to enjoy the perks when they come my way! The song isn’t that bad, though, hitting number one on the country billboard charts in 1996. You have to love the title of her debut CD, “Did I Shave My Legs for This”!

Hey, Brother, Pour the Wine – Dean Martin

This Deano song is a pretty good tune. No surprise there, the Rat Pack members are total legends in the singing, entertaining and drinking communities. Marge Simpson also sings the song in one of the earliest episodes of the show after getting drunk at Homer’s company picnic.

Drink #164: Cactus Berry

Rim glass with Salt
1.25 oz Tequila (I used El Jimador)
1.25 oz Red Wine
1 oz Triple Sec
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Splash of Lemon-Lime Soda
Dash of Lime Juice
Garnish with Lime Wheel

The one thing I don’t like about wine songs is that so many of them are slow and sad. I’m more of an upbeat and fast pace music fan, not wanting to get too moody or anything like that. Enjoy this selection of wine melodies the next time you crack a bottle or box open!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This is like a Wine-based margarita and it’s a fun cocktail. The Red Wine cooperates very well with the Tequila and Triple Sec (among other ingredients) to make a solid drink. Mrs. Sip has asked for it again since. As for me, put a salt rim on most things and I’m a pretty happy fella.

June 9 – Sangria

Posted on June 9, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Wine Time

Well, Wine Cocktail Week is finally here. I’m far from a wine connoisseur, but I’m willing to try some new recipes and see what the results are, which I’m pretty sure is how wine was invented in the first place. If I mess anything up in today’s lesson, don’t go all wine snobby on me. I accept you for your many faults, and you should forgive me for the one or two mistakes I make on a yearly basis. Capiche! On with the lesson:

There are thousands of different types of wine, made up of hundreds of different grape combos. Some of the most popular wine varieties include: Sauvignon Blanc, Chardonnay, Pinot Gris/Grigio, Riesling, Gewürztraminer, Zinfandel, Pinot Noir, Syrah, Shiraz, Merlot, and Cabernet Sauvignon. My personal favourite wine is Francis Coppola’s Diamond Collection, Emerald Label Pinot Grigio. Damn, son, that’s a mouthful!

The Top 10 wine producing countries are: France, Italy, Spain, the United States, Argentina, China, Australia, South Africa, Germany, and Portugal. I have to say that I’m a little surprised Canada has yet to crack this list given we have a number of wonderful wine regions. Oh well, something to aim for in the future.

Despite tradition, the screw cap method of opening a bottle of vino is quickly replacing corked tops, thanks to the ease and simplicity of which a bottle can be opened. I can’t count how many times Mrs. Sip and I have been stuck on vacation without our trusty bottle opener, leaving us in a lurch when trying to crack open some wine. Perhaps Ma and Pa Sip have the right idea with boxed wine? Easy to open and a lot more alcohol to share!

Wine is one of the healthier libation options, as it contains fewer calories than beer and is fat- and cholesterol-free. A glass a day (or more) will keep the doctor away… or at least we all hope!

Contrary to popular belief, many wines should be enjoyed within a year of being bottled and not left to “age”. If you are looking for a good wine to age, ask an expert. In an interesting contrast, as white wines sit, they gain colour, while their red counterparts lose colour the longer they wait to be served.

A number of celebrities have invested their money into the wine industry, including aforementioned film producer Francis Coppola; musicians Bob Dylan, Madonna, and Sting; hockey superstar Wayne Gretzky; race car driver Jeff Gordon; screen stars Raymond Burr, Dan Aykroyd, Emilio Estevez, Drew Barrymore, and Antonio Banderas; theme park heir Diane Disney; and golfers Arnold Palmer, Ernie Els, and Mike Weir.

Perhaps Zach Galifianakis will be the next celeb to invest in a winery!?

Perhaps comedian Zach Galifianakis will be the next celeb to invest in a winery!?

Now to the mathematics portion of the post… here are important grape-to-wine measurement ratios to remember: one grape cluster (75 grapes) equals one glass of wine. Four clusters equal one bottle of wine. 40 clusters of grapes equals one vine, which makes up 10 bottles. 1,200 clusters (30 vines) equals one barrel, which equals 60 gallons, which equals 25 cases of wine. 400 vines equals one acre of land, which equals five tons of grapes, resulting in 332 cases of sweet lady liquor. And you didn’t even need a calculator! If you find that math too confusing, just remember $10 equals one bottle of decent California or Okanagan wine, and what numbers do we really otherwise need?

When describing the smell of a wine, you have to be careful with which words to use, otherwise you could look like a buffoon. Bouquet refers to the total scent of the wine, while aroma is meant for the grapes. If you wish to combine both the bouquet and aroma, you would call that the nose. This is starting to make my head spin and we haven’t even begun to drink yet. Let’s get on with it then.

Drink #160: Sangria

Sliced Strawberries, Orange, Lemon, Lime, and Raspberries
1.5 Litres Red Wine (I used Peller Estates Merlot)
½ Cup Triple Sec
Top each drink with Lemon-Lime or Club Soda
Garnish with Fruit from Pitcher and Wine Charm

Now you’re ready to open up your own winery. All you need is a cool name. I’d call my own winery Siparellio, giving it a hint of Italian heritage, while having absolutely none at all. Salute!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I really enjoy my and Mrs. Sip’s homemade Sangria (no dirty thoughts, fellas)! I’m not even a big wine fan, but with all the fruit we put in and when we top it all off with some Lemon-Lime Soda, you can’t go wrong with this very refreshing, perfect for summer treat!

May 21 – Prickly Pear

Posted on May 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Vodkommercialization

There are some great vodka ads out there. Whether in print, video, or hell, even the dead art of radio, the liquor is well represented and here are some of the best examples I was able to find (in photos only):

Mrs. Sip and I both really enjoy this Van Gogh Vodka ad campaign. My particular favourite is the one about women not getting their panties in a bunch because they’re rocking it commando style! The company makes a very valid point with this ad and I believe that all us gentlemen should support such a cause. Perhaps we should even host charity functions to get the message out.

And some of us have too many vices to list! One of them is in the above ad… good lord I love typography! While I haven’t heard of this vodka brand before, this message will remain with me until it’s pushed out of my mind by other useless junk and I will keep my eyes open for it until then. If it comes with one of those blindfold thingies, it may make the perfect night out combo!

Yeah, I would definitely have a drink with me. I would also certainly have a drink with Hugh Hefner. You could ask him to divulge the secret of how he’s been so awesome for so long. I mean, the guy was dating three young, hot women at the same time. I can barely handle one lady and this octogenarian was keeping up with three girls that could have been his great granddaughters.

It’s a little hard to read, but the text next to the woman says “Nothing warms me up like Effen by the fire.” I’ve seen some losers post complaints about the name of this vodka. I personally think it’s clever. It will definitely stick with you as you try to choose one brand from the many that are available. Plus it provides an almost unending number of advertising possibilities, like the ones seen above.

These ladies and I practiced ‘O’ faces all night long until we finally had it right. Three Olives has so many crazy flavours and they have ads similar to the ones above for each concoction. There’s even one that features a dude… hey, I’m all for equal opportunity. But who really wants to see a guy’s ‘O’ face? Let’s face it, we don’t pull it off as well as the ladies. Why do you think we’re usually the ones behind the camera!

Drink #141: Prickly Pear

1.5 oz Pear Vodka (I used Absolut)
0.5 oz Triple Sec
0.5 oz Blue Curacao
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Pear Slice

I really enjoyed this look at vodka advertisements and I hope all you little sippers did, too. In the future, I hope to design my own vodka and with it, a series of commercials that feature inanimate objects being attracted to the libation. Just wait until I release the storyboards… it’s going to be a doozy!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
The pear is certainly not near the top of my favourite fruit list, but I was intrigued by Pear Vodka and this drink was decent. However, there are a lot of different flavours competing for your attention, drowning each other out, which isn’t how I like my drinks.

Sip Advisor

The Good, The Bad & The Bubbly

Tag Archives: triple sec