September 16 – Bahama Mama

Posted on September 16, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rum Jams

Music and rum seem to be a match made in heaven. There are so many rum songs out there, particularly from Caribbean nations. Here are some good tracks I was able to dig up:

Rum and Coca-Cola – The Andrews Sisters

I love this tune. It will be played repeatedly when I’m on a rum bender… and that happens with awesome regularity. I’m shocked I had never heard this song before. With Ma and Pa’s passion for rum and cokes, combined with their love for tropical settings and everything that goes along with it, I don’t know why it’s never been played in their backyard on any of our glorious swimming days or at any of their family parties. Perhaps I have now been able to pass something along to them for future celebrations.

Dead Man’s Chest – Various

The rum playlist goes two for two with this pirate shanty. Playing this song will have you and your mates swinging your arms and your mugs of libations around and having a great time of it all. You might even start some swashbuckling adventures thanks to the theme. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum! This song originally comes from the book Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson and has been featured in the Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise. Yar!

Bundaberg Rum – Bill Scott

Bundaberg Rum has a reputation of being consumed by loud and troublemaking folk. You know, the kinds of jerks at the bar you don’t want to be around. In Australia, they’re referred to as yobbos, which is a great term. Four bars in Brisbane banned the rum in 2005 because of the disruptive nature it caused for some. Apparently, this is exactly what the Bundaberg company wanted, as its ads were geared towards the yobbos. As for the song, it’s alright, but not as good as the other two.

Little Drummer Boy – Various

Rum pum pum pum… I guess this doesn’t really belong. Let’s get drunk!

Drink #259: Bahama Mama

1 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan)
0.25 oz Coconut Rum
0.25 oz Kahlua
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Lemon Juice
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry and Cocktail Umbrella

What’s your favourite rum anthem? Make sure it’s loaded up the next time you crack a bottle of Bundaberg Rum and go on a rampage!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I really enjoyed this drink, despite its use of many ingredients I find to be hit or miss. This time, items like Pineapple and Lemon Juice were indeed hits. There are other Bahama Mama recipes out there, but I completely recommend the one I settled on.

September 13 – Drunk Monkey

Posted on September 13, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Shows for the Sloshed

Let me set the picture: you’ve returned to your humble abode after a night out on the town and you’re looking for some viewing entertainment to go along with your nightcap. What do you choose to watch? Here’s what the Sip Advisor has on deck to satiate the inebriated mind!

Mr. T’s World’s Craziest Fools

This show hits on everything I want while under the influence: people doing stupid stuff and getting hurt (one of my favourite things to see in the history of the world), good writing that will leave you laughing your ass off, and lines delivered by the esteemed Mr. T. While the whole genre of amateur footage is one I’ve always appreciated, there’s just something about Mr. T ripping into all these “foos” that is so refreshing.

Tosh.0

In a similar vein to Mr. T’s show, comedian Daniel Tosh lampoons everything going on the wild, wild web, from YouTube videos to internet celebrities and everything in between. Tosh also gets his audience involved in the program with interactive jokes through Twitter, Skype and other social media enterprises. Tosh will not hesitate to rip any subject to shreds, or even reenact it himself, and fans love him for it.

Man vs. Food

Host Adam Richman is a total delight, as he tours the United States, trying food challenges and showcasing restaurants famous for their amazing meals. The one caveat with watching a show like this while drunk is that you have to have some great foods to feast on or else you’ll just get jealous and moody. Before you know it, you’ll be staggering your way to a local eatery in search of pulled pork and poutine and you won’t rest until your shirt is stained with gravy and barbecue sauce!

Aqua Teen Hunger Force

When you’ve downed a bunch of drinks, your attention span may be depleted. That’s what makes these 15-minute episodes (only about 10 minutes if the commercials are cut) so attractive. The characters (I guess that’s what you’d call an anthropomorphized hamburger meat, soft drink cup, and fry carton) are quickly loveable and the jokes are funny. The episodes can be a little crazy with pace, but it’s worth the ride time and again.

Wilfred

I’ve only just started watching this series, but I have no doubt that it will provide drunken evening entertainment for some time to come. The humour is raunchy and a little dark and there’s just something about a dude dressed in a dog suit smoking from a bong, drinking beer, and humping attractive women that I find so endearing. Australian Jason Gann plays Wilfred, who’s as naughty as a puppy can come!

Archer

Sterling Archer is a top-notch secret agent, despite his battles with alcohol and being a total ass. When Mrs. Sip and I got into this series, we watched all four seasons in the span of a few weeks, myself being plastered most nights (making wicked awesome drinks for all you little sippers) and Mrs. Sip joining me on many occasions. You start watching the show for Archer himself, but soon find yourself appreciating each character for what they bring to the show.

South Park

What could be better than a group of potty-mouthed youngsters taking shots at everything and anything? Nothing is off limits to creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I’d have to give Eric Cartman the nod as my favourite character, preferring to see him when he’s trying to start a new business venture to capitalize on some current trend, but I also enjoy a number of the secondary characters, with Randy Marsh topping that list.

Drink #256: Drunk Monkey

1 oz Banana Liqueur (I used Bols)
1 oz Melon Liqueur
1 oz Triple Sec
Top with half Cranberry Juice and half Pineapple Juice
Garnish with a Banana Slice

This list also works for people that are high. Really, any show is pretty good when you’re feeling a little fuzzy. I like to learn – or try to learn – when I’m tanked and will watch anything on the Discovery Channel or other educational networks… provided there isn’t a better adult cartoon on at the same time!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I took my photos before mixing the drink because the layering looked cool. All the ingredients shine at some point during each taste, but Mrs. Sip affectionately called it ‘banana in a cup’! There is also a Drunk Monkey Shooter I’d like to try that mixes Banana Liqueur with Sambuca, which will surely be an interesting blend.

August 26 – Wedding Cake

Posted on August 26, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

I Thee Wed

Yesterday, Mrs. Sip and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. With that in mind, I’m reflecting back to our special day last year. Weddings are a funny thing to plan. You put so much energy and effort into one day (a day you’re too busy to enjoy every detail of) and before you know it, the day has passed. I wouldn’t consider myself a wedding coordinator expert and I know every person has their own desires and budget, but for my money, these are the must-haves for your nuptials:

Live Band

While a DJ will get the music job done, I will never regret shelling out a little extra to have a live band at our wedding. Mrs. Sip and I are classic rock fans, so we picked a local band, The BobCats, which specializes in covers of The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, CCR, Van Morrison, and others. We’d seen the guys perform multiple times before and were thrilled when they were available to work our wedding and rock the joint to the early hours of the morning.

These guys were my second choice to play our wedding!

Photographer

This one is pretty obvious and I think very few couples get married nowadays without a professional photographer documenting their special day. Our photos are amazing and will provide instant memories of our wedding as we review them over time. Magnolia Photographic was the perfect choice for our wedding and I’m particularly fond of the stunning shots of Mrs. Sip, who looked drop dead gorgeous that day (and all other days!).

Videographer

When Mrs. Sip and I first started the wedding planning process video was not a priority. Hell, it wasn’t even on the list. Then you start talking to people who fully recommend getting a videographer and you start looking at videos and it suddenly becomes a must-have. We buckled and hired a great little company (RF Weddings) that provided us with an amazing video of highlights from the day. The way they blended song and images together was truly masterful and guests loved watching the same day edit during our reception.

Candy Bar

This was another idea that wasn’t initially on our original list of ideas, but I threw it on the “to do” list last minute after attending a friend’s wedding in Toronto which featured one. Choosing all the candy to put into the bar was a lot of fun, but tracking down containers to display the treats was a little more daunting (we wanted drink-themed glasses like martini and goblet styles). Still, we got it done (thanks to an extra shopping trip by Ma Sip) and the creativity of the friend I put in charge of setting up the station.

This was our actual wedding candy bar… looks pretty sweet, am I right!?

Entertainment during Photos

Mrs. Sip and I didn’t want to kill the buzz of guests between ceremony and reception, when most couples now disappear to do off-site photos with their wedding party. We had a strings band (Musical Occasions) play between the two events, while beverages and snacks were available and we also had a group come out that does magnetic photos of your invitees, which they can take home. On the subject, you also don’t want to force your guests to kill too much time between the ceremony and reception… keep that in mind.

Buffet

Not to take a shot at plate service for dinner, but I prefer buffets, which allow guests to grab exactly what they want, enjoy a variety of options, and eat until they’re about to explode. With all the craziness going down at our wedding, I only managed to load up my plate once and never even got to the dessert edition, although it looked spectacular. The folks at the Shaughnessy Golf & Country Club sure know how to put a spread together.

Limos

It’s your special day and you might as well be travelling in style. Unless you have a cool and unique car for transport, a limo is the best way to achieve this. Ace of Spades Limos worked diligently to get everyone where they needed be when they needed to be there. We used four different limos during the day (one for the bride and bridesmaids, one for the groom and groomsmen, one for the wedding party for photos, and one at the end of the night for the happy couple) and there wasn’t a single issue to deal with.

Hotel

In my books, it just doesn’t seem as special if you go through the whole wedding process, only to return to your normal home that night. Indulge in a little pampering and take off to a nearby hotel. We checked into the Pan Pacific along Vancouver’s waterfront. It was a mch needed respite as it allowed Mrs. Sip and I to get away after the wedding, digest the events of the day together, and enjoy some quality one-on-one time. Couples can also achieve this much needed getaway by immediately leaving for their honeymoon, which is a good way of forgetting all about any post-wedding issues!

Drink #238: Wedding Cake

0.75 oz Gin (I used Tanqueray)
0.75 oz Amaretto
Splash of Pineapple Juice
Splash of Orange Juice
Splash of Milk
Garnish with Wedding Bands (if you got them!)

What are the wedding must-haves that you insist on? Have any issues with my list? Too bad, it’s written in internet stone!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I already made the Wedding Cake Shot, so now it was time to try the martini edition. There are other versions of this drink, but I wanted to see how all these ingredients would work together. The Gin doesn’t overwhelm the taste buds, which surprised me and nothing is out of place at all with this cocktail. Getting the wedding bands to sit just right for the photo was a pain, but it was one of those ideas I just had to see through.

August 20 – Cactus Kicker

Posted on August 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

I’m With Stupid

Kicking a cactus would be a pretty stupid thing to do… but I’m no stranger to stupid! Here are some of the wicked awesome things I’ve done that most would construe as stupid:

Balcony Jumper, Extraordinaire

After a full day of poolside boozing, I stepped inside to order the Sip Alliance some pizzas (and Mrs. Sip some Indian food – she always has to be the difficult one). After re-emerging from the house I spotted a challenge I’d always wanted to tackle and never taken the chance. I quickly hopped up onto the ledge of the balcony that overlooks our pool, let out a manly growl, and cleared several feet of concrete leaping into the pool below.

Things went off without a hitch… until Cousin Sip posted a Facebook status about it, prompting Ma Sip to reply in a not-so-thrilled manner. Mrs. Sip, while impressed with the feat, wasn’t very happy with me either. She made me vow never to perform the death-defying jump again. When the two most important women in your life aren’t happy with you, you know you’ve done something wrong. I promised that evening that my balcony jumping days were a thing of the past… but no one ever said the roof was off limits!

You Win Some, You LUGE Some

The more you speed, the more you bleed! That was the local motto when Mrs. Sip and I took to the Commercial Street Luge track in Rotorua, New Zealand. We’re both speed demons, but Mrs. Sip wanted to ease herself into the luging, starting with the beginner track and working her way up through intermediate and expert. I jumped straight to intermediate and after one warm-up run, I was flying down the expert course with ease. This would make a spectacular video, I thought, as I finished up my second of three runs.

On our third run, we both hit the expert track, with Mrs. Sip leading the way. Since I was such an expert, or so I thought, I was in charge of filming the track. I started rolling tape, but steering and holding the camera at the same time was proving difficult. Rather than bail on my glorious plan, I tried to make it work. Then I got to the point in the track where there was a sharp turn and a steep drop where usually you gain a bit of air. Before I knew it, I was veering towards the concrete curb, launching myself out of my vehicle and onto the thankfully grassy embankment.

Sadly, this is not how Mrs. Sip treated my numerous boo-boos…

My shirt was stained with dirt and grass, my arm sliced open and bleeding, and our camera worse for the wear, and my watch scuffed. Mrs. Sip was waiting at the bottom of the course wondering why I was taking so long to finish and thinking she had beaten me handily and was a born-speedster. As I finally finished my run, she could sense something was wrong. Luckily the sorest thing was my pride and it ended up making a decent story.

Double-O-Stupid

My 19^th birthday was a mix of good and bad. On the plus side, I was now legal age to drink alcohol. Not a huge deal because I’d been drinking for a few years by that point, but it would make procuring liquor easier. On the downside, Mrs. Sip and my relationship was only six months old and she had recently left for the United Kingdom for a year-long exchange program.

I decided to celebrate quietly with a couple friends and in a moment of nostalgia, we made plans to play the classic James Bond video game Goldeneye (much like we had done together in our formative years). The one caveat: each time you were killed, you had to do a shot of whiskey.

I have no clue why I ever agreed to this idea… I was never that great at the video game to begin with. It wasn’t long before I was running to the sink to lose my milk and cookies and my buddies weren’t far behind. Here’s where the Sip Advisor legend began to grow though… I went back to doing shots. Not many folks can get drunk twice in the same night!

Speed Trap Follies

I’ve only been pulled over for speeding once in my 14-year driving history. I think that’s a pretty damn good record. During the one time I wasn’t so lucky, I had just returned Mrs. Sip to her university residence and had a 30-45 minute drive in front of me to get back home. Given it was already 3am and I had school myself in the morning, I was looking to make short work of the trip. I had just hit about 30 kilometers above the speed limit, on a road I knew to be a trap for police, when I spotted a cop car ahead. I tried to slow down, but I was already busted.

The officer took my license and registration and asked me a couple questions, which mortified, I answered. As a struggling student, I surely didn’t need to be paying off a hefty speeding ticket. When the patrolman returned, he handed me back my papers and license and revealed that he was going to let me off with a warning. His parting words: “By the way, happy birthday!”

Drink #232: Cactus Kicker

1.5 oz Tequila (I used Hornitos)
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Sour Mix
Splash of Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with a Lime Wedge

What stupid things have you done, perhaps after a few too many beverages? Surely, I can’t be the only dumb person around here. Or maybe that’s what makes me a legend!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail is like a twist on the margarita. While I enjoyed most of the ingredients, I wasn’t very fond of the Pineapple Juice. When it became a little more diluted I enjoyed the drink more.

August 11 – Dirty Colada

Posted on August 11, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Come With Me and Escape

When thinking about this drink, one thing is sure to pop into every person’s mind: the Piña Colada Song. The one hit wonder (actually titled Escape, but long since known as the Piña Colada Song), by Rupert Holmes, features an anonymous personal ad that asks a number of interesting questions that I have decided I should answer. Let’s see if I would make a good match! (If you need a refresher of the song, the video is posted below and lyrics can be found here).

If You Like Piña Coladas

Yeah, they’re okay, but to be honest, I’m not the biggest fan of frozen drinks, in general. This week dedicated to them is really only done on my charitable time (others might call it community service) to give ideas to all my little sippers who want sweet and icy drinks as they enjoy the rest of their summer. After you’ve had a couple giant frozen drinks in Las Vegas, you just don’t feel like dealing with the brain freeze anymore.

And Getting Caught in the Rain

Um, no. While visions of getting caught in a tropical rain storm, clothing plastered to hot bodies, shearing steamy kisses is all very nice for those of us lucky to live somewhere like Hawaii, as a resident of “Raincity”, let me tell you how rain works. It’s cold, it’s wet, and I usually end up getting caught with no umbrella en route to or from work and getting drenched in clothes I have to wear all day. Welcome to reality.

If You’re Not Into Yoga

Okay, we definitely have a match here. I am not into yoga in the slightest. Granted, I’ve only done it once before, but all I wanted to do was crack jokes about the various poses, especially their names. I like to think of myself as a reasonably flexible guy, so I do have to give credit to yoga fanatics as some of those stretches were difficult (particularly in the balance realm), but if I’m going to have a true workout, it’s not going to be through stretching.

If You Have Half a Brain

Sorry, Rupert, you lost me again. The most I can give myself credit for having brain wise is a quarter to a third. If having half a brain is a prerequisite, then you will wind up disappointed. Don’t cry for me though. I’ve done this on purpose, so that when the zombie apocalypse arrives, I won’t be an attractive target and will be able to live out my days in peace and harmony as the owner and proprietor of a bar that caters to the undead.

If You’d Like Making Love at Midnight…In the Dunes of the Cape

I’m ready and raring to go at all hours of the day. Mrs. Sip hates me for that, but it is soooooo good to be hated. Unfortunately I’m right on board until the next line, in the dunes of the cape? Seriously? Remember, I’ve already written about places not to be amorous and my distaste for sand and beaches would certainly preclude this added condition.

So, in the end, I don’t think I’d reply to this personal ad. We really only match up on the anti-yoga thing and if the only way I’m going to get laid is by going to the beach at midnight… I’m sorry, I’m just not that into you. I do wish you all the best in your future endeavours, however.

Drink #223: Dirty Colada (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Rim glass with Pineapple Sugar
2 oz Rum (I used Krakan Black Spiced Rum)
Top with half Coconut Cream and half Pineapple Juice

The ironic thing about this song is that both the singer and ‘his lady’ are basically writing and responding to a personal ad, looking to cheat on and leave the other. Then when they get together and realize they had actually been writing and responding to each other, they laugh it off like nothing happened. No wonder this dude was a one hit wonder!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
In a pinch, you could use Piña Colada mix, instead of the juices or fresh fruit, but I like to bring my best to this site. Most Piña Coladas come out white in colour, but my use of Kraken Black Spiced Rum made this cocktail a little more dirty, hence the name. While I normally don’t like Pina Coladas, this was enjoyable. It must be said that the Pineapple Sugar Rim was a total pain in the ass to produce.

July 20 – Melon Ball

Posted on July 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Creative Cuisine

There are some odd culinary pairings in existence where anyone who has tried the combo swears by its deliciousness. Some of these I’ve tried and others I’ve merely only heard about. While I’ll give most anything a fair shot, I must admit that some of these couplings will take more convincing than others. This seems to be a growing field in the gastronomic world, as there’s even an entire site dedicated to the cause. Here are some blends that I’ve tried myself or found around the wild, wild web:

Melon and Prosciutto

For two completely contrasting food items, melon and prosciutto work really well together. Even though I’m not a big melon fan, the mix of sweetness from the melon and salty from the prosciutto produce a melt in your mouth snack that will blow your mind. Of course, prosciutto seems to accentuate a number of other items from crackers to salads and everything in between.

Chili Powder and Vanilla Ice Cream

I’ve enjoyed chocolate with chili powder, so I don’t see it as too much of a stretch that vanilla ice cream would also work when paired with chili powder. Heck, some chili powder might be the perfect thing to spice (literally!) up your plain old vanilla ice cream. And if you begin to feel the burn, it shouldn’t be too long before the cool ice cream dulls that tongue-on-fire sensation.

Watermelon and Black Pepper

I’ve professed my love for watermelon through this site on a couple occasions already. That love will never fade and I must admit that combing the melon with black pepper intrigues me. Watermelon can be a very subtle taste, so perhaps the addition of black pepper is simply to bring the devourer back to flavour country aboard the pepper express!

Dark Chocolate and Parmesan Cheese

One suggestion was to enjoy this union as a grilled cheese sandwich and I’m still trying to get my head around that idea. Parmesan is one of the few cheeses I seem to not mind, but mixing it with anything other than a Caesar salad seems like crazy talk to me. I even ran this by cheese guru Mrs. Sip and she couldn’t exactly picture the meal being palatable.

Jalapeno and Strawberries

Most times, these odd pairings feature the coming together of two wildly different flavours. In this case, you have the sweet strawberries being mixed with spicy jalapenos. Each bite would be a mix of competing emotions, with the spice surely winning the battle. I only like jalapenos in small doses on nachos and such, so I don’t think this combo would go over very well for me.

Chocolate and Fried Onions

This concept has me quite intrigued. I think I would enjoy a plate of onion rings with a chocolate drizzle laid over them or a little dish of the sweet stuff on the side to dip the rings in. Hell, deep fry anything and dunk it in chocolate and you’ll probably come up with a decent, gluttonous snack. I’ll put money on the fact this concept was first dreamt up in the American south and for that, we thank you!

McDonalds Fries and Hot Fudge Sundae

This combination was brought to our attention by an Australian. The Aussies are known for doing crazy things, but this being on the tamer side, Mrs. Sip and I gave it a shot are were surprised at how well the two products came together. The salt sticks known as McDonalds fries pair very well with the sweetness of hot fudge and the creamy vanilla soft-serve ice cream.

French Fries and Ranch Dressing

I should be a spokesperson for ranch dressing. I mean, just like the Frank’s Red Hot commercials, I put that sh*t on everything… tacos, sandwiches, pizza, chicken, pasta, and especially French fries. A new combo I’ve been working on of late is to mix ranch dressing with honey garlic sauce before dousing the above items with this hybrid of sweet and tangy that will blow your mind. Patent pending!

Ketchup and Macaroni & Cheese

This is another one that I’ve been doing for years, since I was a little sipper, and don’t find it an odd pairing at all, but it came up a few times in the course of my research for this article. I prefer my mac n’ cheese to be leftovers, where the cheese has dried, rather than fresh with gooey, slimy cheese. Then, just splat some catsup over the bowl, mix it up and you have a perfect quick meal.

Peanut Butter and Bacon

I love peanut butter and I love bacon, so it seems mixing the two together might be a no-brainer. I’ve enjoyed both in chocolate, so perhaps we’d be looking at our first triple threat food pairing if we combined all three together. A PB&B sandwich actually sounds pretty tempting… delicious even. I’m pretty sure I’m going to make one to enjoy with today’s shot du jour.

Drink #201: Melon Ball

0.5 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
0.5 oz Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Watermelon Ball

What is your favourite odd food pairing? Give me your best recipes and perhaps I’ll do another post on reader suggestions and how well I was able to stomach them. Sounds like fun for all, doesn’t it!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
The Watermelon Ball was a nice touch and the shooter was delicious. I was curious about Pineapple Juice being part of the recipe, but it worked well with the Melon Liqueur and you can’t ever knock Vodka for fear of a Vodka Belt reprisal!

June 5 – Asian Mist

Posted on June 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Spit Roast

I’m not sure if this is where the drink gets its name, but it’s a common gimmick in wrestling for a Japanese grappler – Great Kabuki, Great Muta, Killer Khan, Yoshihiro Tajiri, Kwang, and the list of foreign baddies goes on and on – to spit “Asian Mist” in their opponent’s eyes. The act is so common that the different-coloured mists even have diverse “effects”. Green blinds temporarily, red burns, black blinds for prolonged periods, blue puts rival’s to sleep, yellow paralyzes, and purple causes memory loss… only in the crazy world of wrestling! Here are some other well-known spitters:

Acid Reflux

In the Mortal Kombat game franchise, the character of Reptile can spit poisonous venom at his opponent – “forward, forward, A”– was the move combo, I believe. Reptile was one of my favourite characters to use in the game because of his bad ass ways. Over the years, his fatalities (a hallmark of the MK series) have included biting off the head of an opponent and regurgitating deadly acid upon a prone foe.

Bloody Hell

In a somewhat similar vein to the Asian Mist, gothic wrestler Gangrel was known to drink “blood” from a goblet and then spit it into the air, or into the face of a foe, blinding them in the process. Those crazy vampires… what will they think of next? If only us humans could harness a way to spit daylight in their faces and eradicate your Edwards and Bellas from the world.

Dilophosaurus Venomous

In Jurassic Park, these little bastards are known to spit blinding venom at their human creators and captors… you think the little monsters would have some sense of gratitude! On the theme park attraction based off the movie franchise, the first sign of danger occurs when some Dilophosaurs pop up and promptly spit at the passing vehicles and passengers. They’ve caught me a time or two and I have to say that I must be immune to their toxins because I reacted to it similarly to everyday tap water.

Dis-Service Industry

There has always been a fear amongst restaurant complainers that their food will be returned to them with a loogie special sauce added to their meal, courtesy of a disgruntled cook or cashier. I’m not a natural complainer (don’t you hate those people!), but this fear provides an additional reason not to do so in fast food joints or any other eatery. I like my burger sans spit, thank you very much.

Sports Salivation

There have been a number of spitting incidents in the realm of professional sports, each more disgusting than the last. It doesn’t seem to matter which sport is being played, as even golfer Tiger Woods had to deal with an incident after spitting on a green during a tournament in Dubai. Possibly the most famous spit scandal belongs to Roberto Alomar, who loogied on an umpire. He still managed to gain entry into the Baseball Hall of Fame, despite the controversy.

I’m Hit: The Keith Hernandez Story

This may be one of my favourite Seinfeld moments, as Kramer and Newman tell the story of baseball star Keith Hernandez spitting on them following a game. The entire scene mimics the movie JFK, and the recounting of the story is filmed in a similar fashion to the Zapruder videos of John F. Kennedy’s assassination. Jerry takes the role of conspiracy theorist and proves that there had to be a second spitter to explain the outlandish tale.

Spit-Take

Comedian and actor Danny Thomas is often credited with inventing the spit-take. I wonder if he would have come up with the gag if he knew that many years later, wrestlers would be blinding their opponents and causing memory loss using the same tactic he used to get laughs!?

Drink #156: Asian Mist

1.5 oz Malibu Rum
0.75 oz Melon Liqueur
0.25 oz White Rum
Top with half Lemon-Lime Soda and half Pineapple Juice
Garnish with a Lemon Wedge

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This drink was a little on the sweet side, but it’s relatively strong and, like always, that’s a good thing. The coconut and lemon flavours work well together, but sometimes I just can’t get my head around pineapple juice. I mean, I love Hawaiian-style pizza, but drinking the stuff has been known to throw me off.

May 24 – Flirtini

Posted on May 24, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Man Made, Woman Approved

Richard Christy, heavy metal drummer and writer for The Howard Stern Show enjoys the Flirtini, but calls it the Viking Testicle to man-up the drink a little more. With that in mind, here are my suggestions for turning a girly drink into a manly one.

First, we should define what exactly a girly drink is and what constitutes a man’s beverage. A girly drink has been defined as anything that comes in colours red, pink, and purple and may contain bubbly and copious amounts of fruit. A man’s beverage, on the other hand, should be made up of hues like clear, black, brown and grey and garnishes be damned! I guess yellow counts too, but only if in beer form. The rest of the colour wheel is kind of a neutral no-man’s land. Those who swing both ways have access to all the colours of the rainbow.

Now onto how to disguise your favourite bevvy… because nothing says man-made more than a little fabrication:

Manly vs. Girly… which is which?

Lie About Ingredients

Just because your friends can see what colour your drink is, doesn’t mean they know what’s in it. Instead of champagne, say it’s ginger ale. If they question why you’re pouring yourself some cranberry juice, kindly correct them that it’s actually plasma and you’re a new breed of vampire. Yeah, that should work well.

Change the Name

Instead of a Cosmo, order a Blood Bucket. Sure, the bartender might not know what the hell you’re talking about, but you’ll maintain your manly appearance. Also, try to remember to grunt while ordering and if at all possible, neglect to wear any deodorant or cologne, while working up a good sweat en route to the bar.

Mix it with Beer

For some reason, beer is viewed as one of the manliest drinks out there. I don’t get how a usually 5% alcoholic beverage compares with all these cocktails that use 40% alcohols and above, but I don’t write the rules… yet. When I AM elected to the World Liquor Council, there will be sweeping changes to the Drinker’s Code and alcoholism will never, ever be the same again.

Slam the Drink

It doesn’t matter what it is, just make sure it’s in your stomach preferably before it’s set down on the table or bar. Then, proceed to let out a wicked burp and order another round. When that drink comes, repeat the earlier process and continue doing so until everyone at the table is convinced you’re an asshole and you no longer receive invites to their gatherings. That’s when you know you’ve really made an impression.

Shoot it Out

When ordering a girly drink, also ask the barkeep for six shot glasses. If you’re quick to pour your Bellini in the six shot glasses, no one will have any clue what the contents are. Then, down all six in a matter of seconds! Women will flock to you like some sort of pheromone and some dude will probably want to fight you, but these are the ups and downs that come with being a stud.

Don’t Garnish Anything

I can get away with garnishing because I’m so wicked awesome, but most dudes walking around with a cornucopia of fruit hanging from their cocktail just can’t pull it off. Lemon and lime wedges are the only acceptable man garnish and even those border on the edge of femininity. Just makes sure you drop whatever garnish is attached to your drink into the glass as soon as humanly possible.

Smash the Empty Glass Over Your Head

While this is certainly taking things to extremes, no one will doubt how man-tastic you really are if you give yourself some permanent scarring and draw a little red for the ladies. If you’re too much of a pretty boy, you do have the option of throwing your glass to the floor, but the inherent risk here is starting a glass shard fight or a Jewish wedding.

Drink #144: Flirtini/Viking Testicle

1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
Top with Champagne
Splash of Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Raspberries

I guess what I’m trying to point out with this post is that it’s okay to like “girly” drinks. Just make sure you mix in the odd MAN-tini to even yourself out!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes: (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I didn’t really enjoy this cocktail. First of all, I’m not the biggest bubbly fan and I never will be. I also think that something about my proportions were off and the mix could have been better. A teaspoon of sugar might have balanced the drink out more and given it some more points.

May 21 – Prickly Pear

Posted on May 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Vodkommercialization

There are some great vodka ads out there. Whether in print, video, or hell, even the dead art of radio, the liquor is well represented and here are some of the best examples I was able to find (in photos only):

Mrs. Sip and I both really enjoy this Van Gogh Vodka ad campaign. My particular favourite is the one about women not getting their panties in a bunch because they’re rocking it commando style! The company makes a very valid point with this ad and I believe that all us gentlemen should support such a cause. Perhaps we should even host charity functions to get the message out.

And some of us have too many vices to list! One of them is in the above ad… good lord I love typography! While I haven’t heard of this vodka brand before, this message will remain with me until it’s pushed out of my mind by other useless junk and I will keep my eyes open for it until then. If it comes with one of those blindfold thingies, it may make the perfect night out combo!

Yeah, I would definitely have a drink with me. I would also certainly have a drink with Hugh Hefner. You could ask him to divulge the secret of how he’s been so awesome for so long. I mean, the guy was dating three young, hot women at the same time. I can barely handle one lady and this octogenarian was keeping up with three girls that could have been his great granddaughters.

It’s a little hard to read, but the text next to the woman says “Nothing warms me up like Effen by the fire.” I’ve seen some losers post complaints about the name of this vodka. I personally think it’s clever. It will definitely stick with you as you try to choose one brand from the many that are available. Plus it provides an almost unending number of advertising possibilities, like the ones seen above.

These ladies and I practiced ‘O’ faces all night long until we finally had it right. Three Olives has so many crazy flavours and they have ads similar to the ones above for each concoction. There’s even one that features a dude… hey, I’m all for equal opportunity. But who really wants to see a guy’s ‘O’ face? Let’s face it, we don’t pull it off as well as the ladies. Why do you think we’re usually the ones behind the camera!

Drink #141: Prickly Pear

1.5 oz Pear Vodka (I used Absolut)
0.5 oz Triple Sec
0.5 oz Blue Curacao
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Pear Slice

I really enjoyed this look at vodka advertisements and I hope all you little sippers did, too. In the future, I hope to design my own vodka and with it, a series of commercials that feature inanimate objects being attracted to the libation. Just wait until I release the storyboards… it’s going to be a doozy!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
The pear is certainly not near the top of my favourite fruit list, but I was intrigued by Pear Vodka and this drink was decent. However, there are a lot of different flavours competing for your attention, drowning each other out, which isn’t how I like my drinks.

May 13 – Lazy Afternoon

Posted on May 13, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Late Adopters

I like to think that I’m pretty with it when it comes to good TV shows and I usually find series’ before the mass audience tunes in. Broski Sip and I watched Arrested Development from day one, years before most people realized it was the cleverest show on television. I was with Family Guy all the way through its cancellation and resurrection. Here are a few shows that slipped through the cracks of my amazing radar, but have since been picked up by Mrs. Sip and myself.

Archer

On a night staying over at Ma and Pa Sip’s place (they have more channels than I do), Mrs. Sip and I saw Archer for the first time and were immediately hooked. In only a few weeks we’ve gone through the first four seasons of the animated comedy and have loved every minute of it. The wacky ISIS spy agency and their adventures are full of so many goodies and I hope this show continues on for many years to come.

Firefly

Unfortunately, Mrs. Sip and I learned of this wonderful show well after it had already been cancelled. A western-space crossover initially just didn’t appeal in the slightest. We did get on board with it shortly after though, and well before its feature film Serenity was released. Ultimately, there’s just something about the sci-fi-western mix that works, the writing is fun, story lines witty, and all of the characters are likeable in their own special ways.

Community

We started watching Community when it had already finished its second season. I had seen brief commercials for the comedy, but for some reason never really felt the need to give it a chance. Finally, after hearing some buzz about it, Mrs. Sip and I checked it out and were far from disappointed. Sadly, the show seems to be coming to an end, as not enough viewers like me caught on to how original and creative it actually was until it was too late.

Parks and Recreation

I actually watched the premiere episode of this series and didn’t really enjoy it the first time around. Years later, I gave it another chance and after working through a decent first season, absolutely fell in love with the characters in its second campaign. You know you have a good show in front of you when you try to pick your favourite character and you keep wanting to change your selection

Rome

Rome was one of the first HBO series that Mrs. Sip and I ever watched and it hooked us to the channel and its programming for life. The show had already rushed its two season run to cram in as much Roman history as possible, but the epic was still masterfully done, with wonderful settings, and complex characters you could really appreciate.

Flight of the Conchords

Mrs. Sip and I started watching Flight of the Conchords after the show had already finished production and we quickly fell in love with the quirky New Zealanders. The songs the guys perform are actually pretty catchy – “Business Time” and “Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor” being among my favourites – and while the humour is a little dry, it’s an acquired taste worth acquiring.

The jail house drama is quite the crazy series to undertake. I had watched the odd episode here and there many years before we finally started the show from the beginning. It’s funny to root for some real despicable characters, but you find yourself doing just that. I won’t spoil any plot points, but for the last couple years, Mrs. Sip and I have only had four episodes left to watch but can’t bring ourselves to finish the series, afraid of what might happen to one character in particular.

Drink #133: Lazy Afternoon

1 oz Whiskey
1 oz Peach Schnapps
0.5 oz Cherry Liqueur
Top with Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Cherry Blaster Candies

Finding these gems of shows is like coming across found money in a seldom worn jacket. You usually end up with an already built library of great episodes to now go through and enjoy and you don’t have to wait each week for the next adventure.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I changed the Cherry Brandy part of this recipe to Cherry Liqueur. The drink was decent, but not a grand slam hit. For such a great cocktail name, I was hoping for better results.

Sip Advisor

The Good, The Bad & The Bubbly

Tag Archives: pineapple juice