August 11 – Dirty Colada

Come With Me and Escape

When thinking about this drink, one thing is sure to pop into every person’s mind: the Piña Colada Song. The one hit wonder (actually titled Escape, but long since known as the Piña Colada Song), by Rupert Holmes, features an anonymous personal ad that asks a number of interesting questions that I have decided I should answer. Let’s see if  I would make a good match! (If you need a refresher of the song, the video is posted below and lyrics can be found here).

If You Like Piña Coladas

Yeah, they’re okay, but to be honest, I’m not the biggest fan of frozen drinks, in general. This week dedicated to them is really only done on my charitable time (others might call it community service) to give ideas to all my little sippers who want sweet and icy drinks as they enjoy the rest of their summer. After you’ve had a couple giant frozen drinks in Las Vegas, you just don’t feel like dealing with the brain freeze anymore.

And Getting Caught in the Rain

Um, no. While visions of getting caught in a tropical rain storm, clothing plastered to hot bodies, shearing steamy kisses is all very nice for those of us lucky to live somewhere like Hawaii, as a resident of “Raincity”, let me tell you how rain works. It’s cold,  it’s wet, and I usually end up getting caught with no umbrella en route to or from work and getting drenched in clothes I have to wear all day. Welcome to reality.

If You’re Not Into Yoga

Okay, we definitely have a match here. I am not into yoga in the slightest. Granted, I’ve only done it once before, but all I wanted to do was crack jokes about the various poses, especially their names. I like to think of myself as a reasonably flexible guy, so I do have to give credit to yoga fanatics as some of those stretches were difficult (particularly in the balance realm), but if I’m going to have a true workout, it’s not going to be through stretching.

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If You Have Half a Brain

Sorry, Rupert, you lost me again. The most I can give myself credit for having brain wise is a quarter to a third. If having half a brain is a prerequisite, then you will wind up disappointed. Don’t cry for me though. I’ve done this on purpose, so that when the zombie apocalypse arrives, I won’t be an attractive target and will be able to live out my days in peace and harmony as the owner and proprietor of a bar that caters to the undead.

If You’d Like Making Love at Midnight…In the Dunes of the Cape

I’m ready and raring to go at all hours of the day. Mrs. Sip hates me for that, but it is soooooo good to be hated. Unfortunately I’m right on board until the next line, in the dunes of the cape? Seriously? Remember, I’ve already written about places not to be amorous and my distaste for sand and beaches would certainly preclude this added condition.

So, in the end, I don’t think I’d reply to this personal ad. We really only match up on the anti-yoga thing and if the only way I’m going to get laid is by going to the beach at midnight… I’m sorry, I’m just not that into you. I do wish you all the best in your future endeavours, however.

Drink #223: Dirty Colada (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Dirty Pina Colada Cocktail

  • Rim glass with Pineapple Sugar
  • 2 oz Rum (I used Krakan Black Spiced Rum)
  • Top with half Coconut Cream and half Pineapple Juice

The ironic thing about this song is that both the singer and ‘his lady’ are basically writing and responding to a personal ad, looking to cheat on and leave the other. Then when they get together and realize they had actually been writing and responding to each other, they laugh it off like nothing happened. No wonder this dude was a one hit wonder!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
In a pinch, you could use Piña Colada mix, instead of the juices or fresh fruit, but I like to bring my best to this site. Most Piña Coladas come out white in colour, but my use of Kraken Black Spiced Rum made this cocktail a little more dirty, hence the name. While I normally don’t like Pina Coladas, this was enjoyable. It must be said that the Pineapple Sugar Rim was a total pain in the ass to produce.


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