December 19 – Gingerbread Man

Posted on December 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Dessert Delicacies

Christmas is a time of peace, love, joy… and desserts! It seems Ma Sip is always baking this time of year and even Mrs. Sip spends some rare time in the kitchen. Cookies exchanges and potlucks are the norm during the holiday season, so you can’t even escape overindulging while at work. Here are some Christmas dessert staples:

Gingerbread Men/Houses

I’m not a massive fan of Gingerbread, while Mrs. Sip does enjoy it. We used to construct a yearly Gingerbread House, but have long since left that frustrating process behind us, in favour of… well, being lazy. I really only enjoyed the process for getting to eat all the candy you’re supposed to apply to the house, so maybe instead of buying the kit every year, I should have just grabbed a bag of candy and ate myself stupid!

Shortbread Cookies

I’m not sure why Shortbread Cookies are so addictive. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, they’re pretty plain. Even if you dress them up with chocolate and other ingredients, there’s not a whole lot going on there. Similarly, Sugar Cookies just seem to hit the spot when you start binging on them. Like potato chips, it’s hard to stop at one. Looking back at this project I’ve been doing for the last year, it seems I have a myriad of concerning vices that need to be dealt with!

Cinnamon Buns

I’ve already written that Cinnamon Buns are often a featured item on Christmas morning for the Family Sip. They also make for a great snack throughout the holiday season. This is one of the few circumstances where I welcome cream cheese… and lots of it! All you need to do is warm those suckers up (if they’re not fresh out of the oven) and go into icing shock. Make sure to lick that plate clean… it saves on time spent washing dishes!

Fruit Cake

I’ve never really done the Fruit Cake thing. It seems that a lifetime of jokes about Fruit Cakes (usually being passed back and forth and never consumed because nobody wants it) has steered me clear of the oft-criticized dessert offering. I’m making it my goal to try the cake this year at some point. All I need to do is get blitzed enough that my taste buds are in full retreat and I’ll go in for the score. I’ll keep you updated on my adventures.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

I’m such a cookie fiend that yes, this is the third entry on this list to be cookie-based. Chocolate Chip is a good starting point, but I love Cookies that go beyond the normal recipe. Ma Sip made a batch this year with Cinnamon Chips and I’ve always been partial to throwing some peanut butter in the recipe. Mrs. Sip and I have our own patented recipe called ‘Bitches be Poison’ which includes chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, and Smarties among other indulgent ingredients.

Pie

Christmas is a perfect time to bring out the Pie (don’t think too dirty, my little sippers), regardless of which flavour. American Thanksgiving starts the ball rolling with Apple and Pumpkin Pie, both of which frequent Christmas feast menus. I’ve always preferred a fruit-filled pie like cherry or raspberry. Add some ice cream to your slice and you’ll be in a la mode heaven! Now you have the tough decision of which flavour to choose from, but I’m sure you’re capable.

Bread Pudding

I’ll finish up with another entry that I’m not particularly fond of (Mrs. Sip is, begging the question of how we ever found similarities to base our relationship around!). Bread Pudding just isn’t my cup of tea… although it is enjoyed with a cup of tea. I think my dislike has more to do with the pudding portion than the bread. The only pudding I find tolerable is chocolate-flavoured and only when it’s in one of those little snack-sized cups. I can thank Bill Cosby for that!

Drink #353: Gingerbread Man

Rim glass with Crushed Gingerbread
1 oz Irish Crème
1 oz Goldschlager
1 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
1 oz Vodka
Sprinkle with Crushed Gingerbread

What Christmas dessert traditions do you enjoy? Do you want to get in on my Fruit Cake pledge? Do you like the questions I ask of you? Am I just wasting my time with these wrap-up paragraphs?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail wasn’t bad, but Mrs. Sip didn’t like how strong it was. The only issue I had with it was that the Goldschlager is a little too heavy and dominant in the drink and I might knock back its proportion if I made the martini in the future. The Gingerbread Cookie rim and dusting worked okay, but not as good as other rims I’ve put together.

December 18 – Holiday Hopper

Posted on December 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Christmas Vacation

I prefer to spend Christmas at home with family and friends, but that’s not for everyone. Some like to get out and see the world, leaving the comforts of familiarity far behind. If that sounds like you, here are some of the best places to travel to for Christmas joy!

Leavenworth, Washington

This quaint little Bavarian-themed town is great to visit at all times of the year, but it particularly comes alive at Christmas, beginning with its annual lighting festival. The Family Sip spent a few Christmases in Leavenworth when the Sip Advisor was a wee little sipper. We enjoyed many hours playing in the snow, going cross country skiing, and causing a general ruckus in the hotel halls. It’s hard to not be in the full Christmas spirit when you’re so surrounded by it.

New York, New York

One would probably start by visiting Rockefeller Center for outdoor ice skating and ogling the giant Christmas tree placed in the center of the plaza, but I for one would try to relive Kevin McCallister’s adventures from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York… especially if I can convince a couple cons to provide me with willing Wet Bandits impersonators! For Pa Sip, there’s also the Holiday Train Show, featuring numerous model trains rumbling through an intricate New York landscape.

Lapland, Finland

Home to Santa Claus Village and Santa Park and located near the Arctic Circle, this area has long been considered Santa Claus’ base of operations, where reindeer and polar bears (of the Coca-Cola swilling variety) can be found inhabiting the region. It’s here that you can get a photo with one of the most legit looking Santa’s I’ve ever seen… perhaps he is the real thing. Whoa, mind blown, I’m off to Lapland!

Disney Theme Parks

You never need a specific reason to go to a Disney park, but seeing the resorts at Christmas is a must at some point in every person’s life. I love how rides like the Haunted Mansion and It’s a Small World are updated for the holiday season and the park’s Christmas Parade and Christmas Fireworks Extravaganza are spectacles that should be witnessed. Add to that all the Christmas treats, merchandise, lights, costumes, and everything else and it’s a holiday overload… in a good way!

Bethlehem, Israel

Birthplace of Jesus Christ and home to the nativity scene, thousands make pilgrimages to Bethlehem each year to celebrate the holiday where its roots stem from. The Church of the Nativity sits upon the spot where Jesus is said to have been born (a silver star within the church marks the exact location of Jesus’ birth) and empties out into Manger Square. Numerous religious events take place around the Christmas holiday and regardless of your denomination, you can celebrate at some point in the area.

Reykjavik, Iceland

With its proximity to the North Pole, this may be the closest you ever come to Santa’s workshop. In fact, just outside the Icelandic capital is The Christmas Village, which offers everything from live musical performances to shopping opportunities to the Yuletide Lads (not one or two, but 13 Santa’s). Apparently their ‘mother’ can also be found nearby, but can you imagine the hardships she’s gone through raising 13 boys who are all unemployed and want to hand around children all day?

Bethlehem, Pennsylvania

Dubbed ‘The Christmas City‘ this place has taken celebrating the holiday season to new heights. They even have a live advent calendar, where each day, a different shopkeeper comes out the Goundie House door with treats for those attending. Christkindlmarkt is molded after the traditional European winter market and offers visitors the chance to buy arts and crafts and food. It doesn’t say anything about booze, but you hope that’s there too. I mean, you really, really, really hope they have that, as well!

Drink #352: Holiday Hopper

1 oz Melon Liqueur
0.5 oz Crème de Menthe
0.5 oz Crème de Cacao
Top with Milk
Garnish with Mint Leaf and Chocolate

After researching for this list, it’s clear that there aren’t many places that would be bad to spend Christmas. Perhaps war-torn areas and such should be avoided, but so many cities have something to offer for those looking to get away for the holidays.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This is one of those drinks that really surprises you. Given my aversion to Crème de Menthe, I can never really trust it, especially when it’s expected to play nice with other more normal ingredients like Melon Liqueur. Here, they all come together for a wonderful and enjoyable taste, perfect for a dessert beverage.

December 17 – The Nutcracker

Posted on December 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Winter Wonderland

While the holiday season is meant to inspire quality time with family and friends, it can also be a time of rivalry and hostility… and I’m not just talking about your Christmas dinner! Here are some of the many winter sports traditions that bring a smile to sports fan’s faces each holiday season!

College Bowl Games

It seems like every team gets to play in a Bowl Game, providing there’s a major corporate sponsor able to fund the event. In fact, there are currently 35 games, providing 70 teams a chance to play. Five of these contests are considered part of the Bowl Championship Series, which culminates with the National Championship Game, played between two selected teams in early January. That’s right, “selected” teams… way to earn you way into the biggest game of the season.

Winter Classic/Heritage Classic

The NHL’s Winter Classic is played at an outdoor stadium each year on New Year’s Day and has become a tradition for the league and fans alike, as they nurse their New Year’s Eve hangovers. While the conditions haven’t produced any classic games, it is a huge event and HBO’s 24/7 series, which follows the two teams playing in their lead up to the big game, has manufactured a number of memorable moments. The Heritage Classic is the Canada-only version of the game and is played later in the year.

NBA Christmas Day Games

Each Christmas Day (since the NBA began operations in 1946) provides hoops fans with a collection of highlight showdowns. Currently, the league offers five Christmas Day match-ups. In recent years, games have included the Miami Heat battling the Los Angeles Lakes, with a mass amount of star power on each side. This season, the two loaded teams will meet again, as well as a number of strong regional tilts, despite some controversy over the league operating on Christmas.

Teddy Bear Toss

It has become a tradition with many junior and minor leagues hockey clubs to host an annual Teddy Bear Toss. People bring a new stuffed toy to the game where the promotion has been planned and when the home team scores their first goal, fans are permitted to litter the ice with the gifts they brought. When all the bears and other animals are collected, they are donated to a local charity to help the less fortunate provide a wonderful Christmas experience to their kids.

Thanksgiving Football

The holiday season for sports fans begins with a bang as turkey day football hits the air and allows gents to ignore their families over Thanksgiving, as well as the rest of the year! The NFL provides fans with a smattering of traditional games, featuring the same teams each year. The league has recently added a third contest with rotating opponents. The Detroit Lions and Dallas Cowboys, respectively host the first two games each season, with the Green Bay Packers often being included, as well.

World Junior Hockey Championship

For hockey fans, this is the equivalent to March Madness. Watching young athletes that will be the future of their sport, do what they do best. The annual event is huge for Canadians, probably because we place pretty well most years and because it kicks off every Boxing Day (Dec. 26), it’s the perfect thing to have on as you relax with your new gifts. One of my great achievements was covering the 2006 tournament for Hockey Canada, in Vancouver, where the Canadians took home the gold medal!

Winter X Games

We’ll close this list with the most extreme of winter sports activities, the X Games. Comprised of events in snowboarding, skiing, and snowmobile, and held in late January, the X Games provides a bit of a coming together for the counter-culture. The success of the Winter X Games has translated into snowboarding events being added as Olympic competition events and made folks like Shaun White rich and famous!

Drink #351: The Nutcracker

1 oz Frangelico
1 oz Vodka
1 oz Amaretto
1 oz Crème de Cacao
Garnish with Chocolate Shavings

Let’s not forget that every four years, the Winter Olympics roll around. The 2010 event in Vancouver was simply amazing and it was so wonderful to be around all the festivities, as well as working for NBC Universal Sports during the Games. What’s your favourite winter sporting tradition?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I’ve seen a couple different versions of this recipe, including one that subs Irish Crème and Kahlua in for Frangelico and Crème de Cacao. Use whichever you prefer. I thought this was a pretty good martini and wasn’t too strong. The Chocolate Shavings were a specific delight to take in with each sip. I used an Aero bar, which I think is one of the best chocolates to grate.

December 16 – Christmas Blizzard

Posted on December 16, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

We Wish You a Meme-y Christmas

Today marks the 350^th drink the Sip Advisor has presented on this site and as it has been with every 50-mark, I present to you some of the funny memes I’ve found on the internet. Given it’s Christmas, it will have a decidedly yuletide theme!

Office Christmas parties are a weird beast. For most, it’s the one time of the year when you see your co-workers a little lit up and acting in ways they wouldn’t around the office. It seems this little kitty got a little cray cray and wound up passing out on the floor. I’ve been there! Thankfully, I’ve never been “that guy” or “that girl” who takes things to the extreme and ends up with a lampshade on their head… or even worse.

I’m pretty sure most female members of the Sip Family follow this line of thinking. I enjoy snow at Christmas, although given I live in a part of the world where we don’t see much of the white stuff, our beautiful city completes shuts down with even a light dusting. Plus, most of the population is not prepared for snow and can’t drive very well in the best of conditions. I think I’d rather stick to the wines than the snow.

Now that’s a job everyone would be envious of. I work 365 days a year and my only solace is that I also get to judge all of you! I’m an equal opportunity kind of guy, however, and I appreciate any judgments that come my way. Ol’ Santy Claus here doesn’t like us taking pot shots at him… like calling him fat… or lazy… or a bad employer. He’s watching me right now (who wouldn’t!?), so I guess I’m not getting anything but a lump of coal for Christmas.

I’m surprised the kitty isn’t interested in the 8 Maids Milking so it has some drink to wash down all those birdies! I wish I could get a costume like this on one of Ma and Pa Sip’s cats. Problem is I’d shed more blood than a Dexter kill room sees and the outfit still wouldn’t be on the animal. I do agree with the fluff ball above that no one really needs pears (aka the forgotten for a reason fruit).

Now what could she be using those batteries for? Wait, I know! Her TV controller must be out. The obvious answer is always sitting there right in front of you. You know, in these times, when I’m not very hopeful for the generations that are coming after mine, I find it refreshing that this youngster, regardless of his motives, is thinking of his mother’s enjoyment and passing that along to Santa, who will surely fill her stocking with goodies!

Drink #350: Christmas Blizzard

1.5 oz Malibu Rum
Top with Cream Soda
Garnish with Coconut Shavings

Feel free to send any funny Christmas memes my way. It’s a busy time of the year, but that’s makes it especially important to take a step back and enjoy all the little things out there!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail is a little plain in taste. The Malibu Rum isn’t very noticeable. It’s still an above average drink, though, with Cream Soda being a pretty enjoyable mixer.

December 15 – The Mistletoe

Posted on December 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

All I Want for Christmas

As I researched my post on the worst Christmas albums, I came across a ton of horrible cover art that just has to be shared with all you little sippers. Prepare to be horrified and delighted all at the same time!

Rudy Ray Moore – This Ain’t No White Christmas

Horrible cover, but absolutely amazing idea! I need to get Mrs. Sip on board with Rudy Ray Moore’s idea of holiday attire. Who exactly is Rudy Ray Moore, you might be asking? Well, my little sippers, Mr. Moore is the legendary Dolemite, one of the most famous blaxploitation characters. This Ain’t No White Christmas is one of Moore’s comedy releases and features a two-part ‘The Night Before Christmas’.

Lenny Dee – Happy Holi-dee

He didn’t even bother to put on the friggin’ Santa beard! Or, perhaps, the dogs he’s holding yanked it off and he said, “You know what, fuck it! Take the damn picture and let’s get out of here.” Dee’s Wikipedia page says that he was a virtuoso organist… Mrs. Sip would say the same about me! Happy Holi-dee isn’t Dee’s only release to incorporate his last name. He also had Dee-Lightful, Dee-Lirious, Dee-Licious, Dee-Frosting, and many more.

Thore Skogmans Julskiva – Klappa Pa!

Here’s all the meat I’ll be sexually gratifying you with… what’s that? You aren’t into meat loving? Oh, I guess I’m alone in that regard. Perhaps I’m being too hard on Thore here. He just looks like a happy-go-lucky dude who really enjoys meat and Christmas feasts. Klappa Pa sounds like something you’d hear at a German beer hall and that’s all well and good, but it’s certainly not something I’d want to get my stein on to.

William Hung – Hung for the Holidays

They made William Hung look like the worst South Park character ever… not that that was a really hard task. This whole idea was thrown together so quickly trying to capitalize on Hung’s 15 minutes of fame. The cover art for Hung for the Holidays might actually make the tracks on the album seem better. I hope nobody has to spend Christmas with William Hung because you know he’d be trying to share this drivel with any unfortunate guests.

Slim Whitman – Christmas with Slim Whitman

His eyes say “you’ll be safe with me”, but his smile says “I will rape you”. And what a freakin’ awesome name! Seriously, this name would mean instant respect in any professional world, from journalism to porn. Whitman reminds me of Dan Aykroyd’s Saturday Night Live character Fred Garvin, male prostitute. To be fair, Christmas with Slim Whitman shows us not to judge a book by it’s cover, as Whitman’s voice doesn’t match the sex offender image he presents.

Drink #349: The Mistletoe

1 oz Grey Goose Cherry Noir Vodka
Top with Club Soda
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Mint Leaf and Cranberry

After checking out this list, you’d probably agree with me that it’s a good thing cover art for music releases is largely a thing of the past thanks to the death of the album, tape, and CD.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail was pretty refreshing and I’ve always liked how Grey Goose Cherry Noir and Sweet & Sour Mix work together. The Club Soda gave the drink a nice level of fizz, while not distracting from the taste of any of the other ingredients. I also really like my simple but effective garnishing of the cocktail.

December 13 – Tinsel Bellini

Posted on December 13, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Christmas Blitzed

As the holiday season rapidly rushes by, it’s important to sit back and take in all that surrounds you. That can definitely include the many winter-themed alcohol options, most of which are only released at this time of year. Here are some to keep an eye out for!

Jack Daniel’s Winter Jack

This spirit blends Jack Daniel’s famous Tennessee whiskey with Apple Cider liqueur and holiday spices. I’m not entirely sure what qualifies as a holiday spice, but I’m hoping the term somehow includes beautiful women bedecked in Christmas lingerie. Now fetch me some mistletoe and dangle that shrubbery from all the required erogenous zones!

Peppermint Schnapps

I’m not sure why, perhaps its candy canes, but the peppermint flavour has a rich history and association with the Christmas season. It could also be because I spike a lot of drinks with Peppermint Schnapps when I’m out and about town in the chilly temperatures. One particular fond memory I have is from sneaking in a bottle at Disneyland and getting torched before the spectacular Christmas fireworks show, which finishes with a smattering of fake snow to frolic in.

Burnett’s Candy Cane Vodka

I’ve been planning to use this liquor during the Christmas season, ever since Ma and Pa Sip picked it up last year. In fact, it was featured in my recent Snowflaketini and I’ll probably bring it back for an encore performance later this month, so stay tuned… Burnett’s also has a Suger Cookie Vodka, as well!

Pinnacle Cinnamon Roll Vodka

Sticking with flavoured vodkas, one of the newest releases is a crossover between Pinnacle Vodka and Cinnabon to bring the world a Cinnamon Roll-based alcohol. Cinnabon buns are a bit of a tradition for Christmas morning breakfast for myself. We don’t have them every year, but when we do, it’s a very merry Christmas!

Kahlua Gingerbread

While most Kahlua products can be enjoyed during the winter, thanks to their excellent mixability with hot beverages like coffee and hot chocolate, the Kahlua Gingerbread release is a particular stand out for the holiday season. If you get wrecked enough on the sauce, you might even enjoy making your gingerbread house… that or destroy the entire village in some sort of stupor!

Evan Williams Egg Nog

There seems to be a dispute as to what liquor should go into your Egg Nog. I was raised to believe that some sort of rum should be used, preferably a spiced rum, but other places lean toward a whiskey or bourbon, as is the case with this product. I suppose, in the end, as long as your getting your swerve (and your nog) on, the debate doesn’t really matter!

Malibu Winter/Snowcoco

What’s neat about this product is that instead of just being coconut flavoured, the company actually added bits of coconut to the spirit and offered a window on the bottle through the labelling, so you could see the chunks float around, much like the bits in a snow globe. I think it only comes out as a seasonal release, so pick it up while you can.

Yukon Jack Perma Frost Liqueur

I grabbed this product last month and while I’ve always appreciated Peppermint Schnapps, the Perma Frost Liqueur takes that tradition to a whole ‘nutha level with the addition of cinnamon spice. Also, unlike Peppermint Schnapps, which usually comes in at about 20% alcohol content, Perma Frost packs a punch at a whopping 50%!

Sourz Spirited Winter

This limited edition release combines sour cranberry and sour apple, two of the holiday season’s most prolific fruits. I’m very curious to sample this libation, but I believe it may have only been released for a short time in 2010. Like Indiana Jones, I will find my treasure!

Vana Tallinn Winter Spice

Vana Tallinn is Estonia’s primary spirit and this is their winter adaptation. The liqueur is so good that it has been selected Best Estonian Food for 2013 in the alcohol category. It is enriched with holiday spices, such as cinnamon, cardamom, anise, and nutmeg. Mrs. Sip and I grabbed a bottle of Vana Tallinn last spring and now I wish I could have the Winter Spice, as well.

Drink #347: Tinsel Bellini

Rim glass with Sugar
2 oz Hpnotiq
1 oz Limoncello
Top with Champagne
Splash of Lime Juice

Of course, there’s also a bunch of Christmas-themed beers and wines out there, but I figured I’d stick to the harder stuff… art, imitating life!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
It was a total pain in the ass to achieve the icicle look using Simple Syrup and Sugar, but I think in the end the visuals totally made the frustration worth it. Blending Limoncello and Hpnotiq together was an interesting combo that tasted pretty good.

December 12 – Candy Cane

Posted on December 12, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

12 Days of Christmas

While the Sip Advisor is doubling the efforts of everyone out there and offering 25 days of Christmas rather than a paltry 12, one would have to admit that the damn 12 Days of Christmas song can really get stuck in your head. Upon reviewing the lyrics, I’ve decided to give each item listed in the tune a patron saint. So, let’s warm up our vocal chords and run the gauntlet!

12 Drummers Drumming – Animal from The Muppets

One of my favourite percussion artists of all-time and star of The Electric Mayhem (perhaps the greatest band name in the history of music!), Animal knows how to work the skins and cymbals. His trademark wild behaviour makes him a perfect addition to this menagerie of fascinating characters.

11 Pipers Piping – ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper

One of professional wrestling’s best bad guys, Roddy Piper knew how to ignite hatred within fans. He was the perfect mix of cocky, dastardly, and vicious, earning his way into the hearts of millions of fans worldwide.

10 Lords-a-Leaping – Michael Flatley

Whatever happened to this guy? He was the Lord of the Dance… and surely that included much leaping. Apaprently, Flatley is living the good life in Beverly Hills, probably creeping on all the 90210 teenagers and throwing around his millions of dollars.

9 Ladies Dancing – Jennifer Grey

You should never put Baby in a corner and I refuse to do so, as well. One would hope that if Jennifer Grey accepted this honourable position, that she’d bring the spirit of Patrick Swayze along with her and they could perform their hit numbers from Dirty Dancing.

8 Maids-a-Milking – The Octomom

You’d have to assume that the poor woman went through sheer agony over having to breast feed all eight of her newborns. Let’s just hope her jugs didn’t end up looking as disgusting as her pregnant alien-like belly did.

7 Swans-a-Swimming – Michael Phelps

I briefly considered Natalie Portman for this position, based on her role in Black Swan, but there are other positions I’d rather have her fill! Instead, Michael Phelps gets the part thanks to being the greatest swimmer this world has ever seen. 22 Olympic medals don’t lie, folks.

6 Geese-a-Laying – Anthony Edwards

While I hope to never see Anthony Edwards actually lay an egg, he gets the nod in this category as a result of playing Nick “Goose” Bradshaw in the 1986 classic, Top Gun. He was Tom Cruise’s greatest inspiration before Scientology rolled around and brainwashed the star.

5 Gold Rings – Mr. T

Thanks to all the jewelry Mr. T is usually rocking, he’d be perfect for this role. And why can Mr. T get away with wearing so many valuable? Because no one would ever mess with the guy. Even at the age of 61, I know for a fact that he would kick my ass… that’s not saying much, but you have to credit the guy for still being a BA badass.

4 Colly Birds – Paul McCartney

I didn’t even know what a colly bird was and apparently it’s nothing exciting. It’s a common blackbird (that’s what they’re actually called) and so I add sainthood to sir Paul McCartney’s long list of accolades. He wrote the Beatles classic Blackbird and seems to understand the fowl best.

3 French Hens – Brigitte Bardot

This broad was quite the looker in her younger days. At age 79, Bardot seems to have gone a little nutty, but it’s hard to tell as that seems to be a typical personality trait for the French. Still, anyone who posed for Playboy to celebrate their own 40th birthday is rockin’ it in my books.

Where the hell is that phone hooked up???

2 Turtle Doves – Turtle from Entourage

Wait, a turtle dove is a bird… what the hell? Half of this song is about gifts of birds… I don’t want any damn birds. I’m trying to rid the world of these vermin. I still pick Turtle because he’ll at least bring a party atmosphere to the organization.

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree – Danny Bonaduce

Surely, with all the drugs and crazy antics Danny Bonaduce has gotten up to in his life, the former Partridge Family child star has awoken to find himself nestled in a pear tree on at least one occasion. Rock on, you crazy ginger!

Drink #346: Candy Cane

Rim glass with Crushed Peppermint
0.75 Peppermint Schnapps
0.75 Vodka
0.75 Crème de Cacao
Dash of Grenadine
Top with Milk
Splash of Club Soda
Garnish with a Candy Cane

Do you have any issues with my patron saint selections? I’m willing to listen to ideas for other candidates and if you sway me with a sound argument, I just may give you some credit. Ready, set, go!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I liked this martini, despite how much of a pain it is to produce Crushed Candy Cane bits for the rim. I made quite the mess putting that element together. The drink completely tasted like a Candy Cane and was quite enjoyable.

December 11 – The Woolly Mitten

Posted on December 11, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Home for the Holidays

One of the best things to do at Christmas is watch cherished holiday episodes of your favourite TV shows, while getting warm and toasty by the fire. Here are some of my favourite shows and episodes for Christmas spirit.

Married… with Children

In ‘It’s a Bundy-ful Life’, the always down on his luck, Al Bundy, is shown what his family’s life would be like if he wasn’t around. In a twist on It’s a Wonderful Life, Al decides that his family is too happy and has such a better life without him that that’s reason enough to continue living. This hour-long episode featured late comedian Sam Kinison in the guardian angel role.

South Park

The animated sensation has a bunch holiday episodes under its belt (even having its own DVD release of the collection) and in true South Park style, they use such absurdities as Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo to get their message across. The boys have even travelled to the bizarre world of Canada for Christmas, with Cartman wanting desperately to get home to his presents.

Home Improvement

Tim ‘the Tool Man’ Taylor is a house’s worst nightmare. With all of his renovation schemes – most of which end in disaster – if a home had feelings, they would fear for their existence with Mr. Taylor around. Christmas time is no different, as Tim pulls out all the stops in his attempt to decorate his home and compete with neighbours over who has the best set-up.

Beavis and Butt-head Do Christmas

While their delinquent brand of humour might not be for everyone (it certainly isn’t for Mrs. Sip), this Christmas episode is incredibly funny. In the first segment, Beavis is head honcho at Burger World and is visited by three ghosts to learn the true meaning of Christmas. After a break for some Christmas music videos, the second installment follows Butt-head being shown that everyone’s lives would be better without him existing.

The Simpsons

It’s no surprise that The Simpsons would land a spot on this list. While they haven’t offered a Christmas episode in each of their 25 seasons, the ones they have done are quite memorable. In the first Simpson’s Christmas airing (the first full-length episode actually!), the family found its dog, Santa’s Little Helper, a turned away ex-racing mutt. The family has also battled commercialism during the holidays with a war on the Funzo toy release.

Community

Each year, the Community folks have provided an interesting Christmas episode, similar to their efforts at Halloween. In the show’s second season, the holiday episode featured the cast turned into stop-motion animation, similar to the Rankin/Bass specials, as Abeb searches for the meaning of Christmas. I don’t think I’d do very well in a stop-motion animation world!

The Office

The annual office Christmas party provides ample opportunity for laughs. I only thank the heavens above that my company doesn’t really do the Christmas thing. Do you think I want to be around my colleagues any longer than I actually have to be? Anyway, the antics of this rag tag bunch always seem to ramp up around the holidays and each Christmas party has its own issues to be dealt with.

Drink #345: The Woolly Mitten

1.5 oz Southern Comfort
1.5 oz Bailey’s Irish Crème
1 oz Peppermint Schnapps
Top with Hot Chocolate
Garnish with Whipped Cream

There are far too many Christmas episodes out there in TV Land to get to them all, but if you have any specific suggestions for the Sip Advisor, I’m all ears!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
As I’ve written before, I’m not a huge fan of warm drinks, but I do make the occasional exception for Hot Chocolate. Where this drink was good is that all the liquors tasted good together and amongst the Hot Water and Cocoa Powder. Whip Cream is always fun to use and the Crushed Candy Canes sprinkled on top was one of my better ideas.

December 10 – Snowflaketini

Posted on December 10, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Toying Around

I remember when I was just a little sipper and the annual Christmas catalogues would arrive. It was always fun to flip through this massive book, skipping through the housewares and appliances sections until you landed on the Holy Grail… the toy section. Well, catalogues are out and the internet is in. Toys ‘R’ Us has put together a list of 15 of the most popular toys for Christmas 2013… and I’ve put together a list of my opinions on them!

Crazy Cart

Oh sweet Jesus, we thank you for having been born on this day, so that I might get blitzed and ride on this Crazy Cart with my little buddy, Furious B! This thing looks absolutely amazing. Even the kid riding it knows it’s pretty awesome. What a way for kids to finally get some fresh air. Granted, they won’t really be exercising and you know in due time the Crazy Cart will be banned be some parent advisory committee. Enjoy the ride while it lasts!

Sofia the First: Royal Talking Vanity

So, basically we’ll be teaching girls at the earliest of ages to waste everyone’s time as they spend countless hours putting on make-up. This will spawn a whole new generation of frustrated men, pleading with their daughter/sister/girlfriend/wife to wrap things up because they’re already late. I certainly won’t be picking up an item like this for my future little sippers, as Mrs. Sip is bad enough and any progeny she passes her DNA down to will certainly have a built-in lateness gene.

Big Hugs Elmo

How does this character keep getting work!? I long for the day when we hear about Elmo living on the streets, his fortune spent and life ruined. Even after his handler was booted from Sesame Street amid sex allegations, Elmo is still flying high… that stupid coked out Muppet. How can anyone respect a being that’s been three-and-a-half years old since the 1970’s!? The little monster is clearly lying about its age and sending a bad message to youngsters everywhere.

Lego: Legends of Chima – The Lion CHI Temple

I’m so thankful that people still play with Lego. I loved this stuff growing up and spent countless hours building and imagining. I can’t wait for the day when my little sippers are old enough not to choke on the little hazards (all evidence says they’ll have to be 18+… although they’ll hopefully be more intelligent than dear old dad) and I’m able to buy them Lego sets. They might not care much for them, but I’ll at least be able to play with Lego again and have it be somewhat justifiable.

Doc McStuffins: Deluxe Get Better Check-Up Center

Doc McStuffins??? Seriously!? If that doesn’t say porn star name, I don’t know what does! Heck, the whole thing says fantasy role play. It all starts with a temperature check with a certain thermometer and away we go. They should have rebranded this item and had the 50 Shades of Grey folks endorse it. They’d make more money marketing the item to lonely housewives than they would getting kids to buy in… especially if Oprah lent her name to the product, too!

Tabeo E2 / LeapPad Ultra

Well, it was bound to happen that kids would have their own tablet-like devices… I’m only surprised it took so long. And maybe it didn’t. Don’t know, don’t care. Where was I? My drinker’s brain is acting up again. Anyhoo, now your child can be as neglectful and distracted as some parents are. And then they can participate in distracted tricycling… that is, if they ever leave the house and do any physical activity… hand exercise playing video games doesn’t count.

Drink #344: Snowflaketini

Rim glass with Coconut Shavings
1.5 oz Blue Curacao
1 oz Candy Cane Vodka
Splash of White Cranberry Juice
1 Lemon Wedge

Which top toys for 2013 have caught your eye? Do you have a story from your own catalogue hunting days? Perhaps you just want to track me down and throw a Big Hugs Elmo at me to release your pent-up anger. It’s all cool… just leave a message after the beep!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This drink looks cool with the Coconut Shavings acting as ice and tastes great. Despite my apprehension towards the Candy Cane Vodka, everything came together really well. Peppermint plays nicely with the Curacao, Cranberry Juice, and Lemon and makes for a very unique cocktail.

December 9 – Angel’s Delight

Posted on December 9, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

One for the Ages

For most, it would be hard to pick a favourite Christmas. What pushed that particular Dec. 25th over the edge? Was it a gift? How you celebrated? Who you celebrated with? All of them seem so good, but for the ol’ Sip Advisor, it’s a pretty easy choice. Not to take anything away from any other Christmas I’ve enjoyed over my 30 years on this planet, but bar none, my 2010 Christmas was the best… that’s when I popped the big question to Mrs. Sip! Here’s our story:

Mrs. Sip and I had been together for over eight years when the fall of 2010 rolled around and had been through a lot together. Having dated since we were both 18, we’d practically grown up together. While the road was generally quite smooth, there was the odd bump, as one would expect when you’re coming into your own as a person and going through all the steps of adulthood, such as school, work, friendships, etc.

We had also spent quite a bit of time doing the dreaded long distance relationship thing. Mrs. Sip took off for England just six months into our courtship (does that even happen anymore?) and she was there for much of the first year of our dating. A couple years later, I was off to England for my own exchange program, followed by Miss Sip going to Australia for a term and shortly thereafter, me taking off again, this time for a full year living in Toronto.

We’d done things the right way (I believe) and not rushed into our relationship, allowing each other to grow and expand our horizons at our own pace. Our relationship matured magically as a result.

One day at work, a radio ad came on and it dawned on me that it was time to go ring shopping. I hadn’t been thinking too much of taking our relationship to the next level, but at that moment, everything just seemed right about the idea.

I bought Miss Sip’s engagement ring (a spectacular piece of jewelry, if I don’t say so myself) in September of 2010, sans any help from friends or family. I wanted to do this all on my own and keep it a secret from as much of the world as possible. This caused some crazy thoughts to run through my head, such as “What if something happens to me before I ask Miss Sip to marry me and no one ever knows I have this ring purchased?”

It was a long wait from late September to late December, as I planned to propose to Miss Sip on Christmas Day and then be able to share it will all of our family and friends throughout Christmas dinners and get-togethers. Periodically, I’d take a quick peek at the beaming diamond ring buried in my dresser drawer, awed by the step I was about to take and the journey that would surely ignite.

The only person in the world I told of my intentions was Miss Sip’s dad. I had always intended to ask permission for her hand, but I did worry my secret would get around. True to his word, my future father-in-law kept my secret… and later paid for doing do!

Christmas Eve finally came and I was beyond excited. The one downside was that both Miss Sip and I were currently suffering through pretty serious colds. We had a meal out together before heading back to our apartment to enjoy our first Christmas just the two of us. Sadly, instead of enjoying drinks, while making gingerbread houses and watching a movie, we were sucking back Neo-Citron, hacking and wheezing, and giving up on gingerbread houses, settling for a gingerbread shanty town. We also put on the god awful Babes in Toyland film before both passing out from our medication.

The next morning, I was feeling a little better, but Miss Sip was still having issues. I briefly considered postponing my marriage proposal, but decided that I just couldn’t wait any longer and with both our families hosting Christmas dinners, there may not be a better opportunity to have everyone gathered.

Under the guise that I wanted to capture our first Christmas morning for prosperity, I had borrowed Pa Sip’s video camera and had it set to perfectly capture our engagement. It was hard to conceal my excitement, as we started opening our stockings.

After our stockings were emptied, I made sure Mrs. Sip went first for exchanging gifts. She got me a Nintendo Wii, which would normally have stolen the show as far as Christmas gifts go, but I knew what we’d really be talking about all day. Finally, after three months of planning and waiting, it was my turn to blow her mind.

Things started off slowly. I gave her a set of different hot chocolate toppings and a digital photo frame – I had to have something under the tree for her to throw off the scent of what I was planning. Ironically, Mrs. Sip had done the same thing for me using random DVDs (the Wii was hidden underneath a pillow). After the photo frame and hot chocolate toppings came my “set-up piece” – a simple silver bracelet that came with the engagement ring. As Miss Sip examined the bracelet, probably thinking that she should return the amazing Wii she had given me, I dropped to one knee and trying to keep my voice from cracking said, “I know that’s not the jewellery you deserve, so I also got you this!”…

Miss Sip was shocked. I don’t think she had any idea this was coming down the pipeline. We’d talked about a future together, but I don’t think she expected this at all. She quickly responded with a resounding “YES!” and what a relief that was. I kept thinking of TV shows and movies where a marriage proposal is met with rejection. Thankfully this didn’t go in that direction.

The rest of the morning was a blur. We celebrated, planned how we would tell everyone and cursed our colds. The ring was three sizes too big and shortly after I proposed Miss Sip completely lost her voice, but nothing could take that day away from us… we were now engaged to be married!

Our first stop was Miss Sip’s parents to open gifts. We brought over cinnamon buns, but I couldn’t eat with all the anticipation. Mrs. Sip was able to talk long enough to let her parents and sister know we had gotten engaged that morning and we had another little celebration.

I left after a couple hours to go to my parents. After opening gifts there, we were all relaxing when Ma Sip inquired about what I’d got Miss Sip for Christmas. I told her about all the items, leaving out the engagement ring for later. I could feel Ma Sip glaring at me as I continued to aloofly watch TV. She was not happy with my choice of gifts, which was all the more hysterical given what had actually transpired. I couldn’t help but let a wicked smile cross my face as I left the room.

That evening, I left my family dinner to return to Miss Sip’s parent’s place where I announced to the rest of her family that we had taken the next step in our relationship. Miss Sip couldn’t do it thanks to her voice giving out on her. Another celebration ensued before we were able to slip away and return together to Ma and Pa Sip’s home, where my family had gathered.

After settling in, I once again made the big announcement and (I bet you know where this is going) more celebrating was to be had. Ma Sip got her wish in that Miss Sip’s Christmas gift was more than a bracelet.

The rest of the next month was spent telling our friends about the engagement before revealing to the world via Facebook that we were set to be married in 2012!

Drink #343: Angel’s Delight

0.75 oz Gin
0.75 oz Triple Sec
Top with Milk
Dash of Grenadine
Garnish with a Candy Cane

Do you have a particular Christmas that you could call your favourite? Please share your story with Sip Nation!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This martini was a bit of a surprise. I wasn’t sure how it would all come together and it ended up being a perfectly sweet and smooth drink. The colour and garnish were nice and it was simply an all-around good cocktail.

Sip Advisor

The Good, The Bad & The Bubbly

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