Mixer Mania #20 – Measure of Success

Did you know that olives (the juice form being today’s feature mixer) were once used as a unit of measurement? A “k’zayit”, which translates to “like an olive” was used to estimate amounts of Jewish ceremonial foods, including challah, matzah and wine. Let’s take a look at some other odd units of measurement:

Wheaton

Based off of actor Wil Wheaton, this unit of measurement takes into account a person’s number of Twitter followers. A Wheaton is described as 500,000 followers, making a milliwheaton equivalent to 500 followers. Please take the time to follow the Sip Advisor on Twitter, so I can reach milliwheaton heights.

Sagan

As a tribute, scientist Carl Sagan’s catchphrase “billions and billions” was turned into a unit of measurement for quantity. A Sagan can now be used to describe a large quantity of anything. For example, the Sip Advisor has consumed a Sagan amount of potato chips in his lifetime.

carl-sagan

Warhol

Artist Andy Warhol once famously said (I’m paraphrasing here) that every person will famous for 15 minutes. As a result, his name has been associated with the measurement of fame. Some folks out there who have achieved kilowarhol and megawarhol status, still haven’t left the world with anything tangible… you know, your Kardashians, et al.

Waffle House Index

This measurement is used by the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) to calculate the effect of a storm and its following recovery efforts. It’s based on the Waffle House restaurant chain’s reputation of staying open during the worst of weather, serving up breakfast, while others are afraid to step outside.

Hobo Power

Coined by radio personality Adam Carolla, this unit can be used to describe an offending odor. It is based on a scale of 1-100, with 50 hobopower leading a person to become physically ill, while 100 hobopower results in death. Of course, this is all theoretical.

homeless

MegaFonzie

We can thank Futurama for this unit, which measures one’s coolness. Developed by Professor Farnsworth, and using Happy Days character Arthur ‘The Fonz’ Fonzarelli as a reference point, I once took the test and came away disappointed with a rare negative rating. Ay!

Helen

Unfortunately, this is another measurement where the Sip Advisor doesn’t show well. Mrs. Sip on the other hand ranks highly when associated with Helen of Troy, who is said to have had “the face that launched a thousand ships”. Therefore, a millihelen can be used to describe the beauty it takes to launch a single ship, while any negative helen (Sip Advisor territory) causes ships to be beached.

Mixer Mania #20: Crotch Kicker

Crotch Kicker.JPG

  • Rim glass with Salt
  • 1 oz Tequila
  • Top with Sweet and Sour Mix
  • Splash of Lemon-Lime Soda
  • Dash of Olive Juice
  • Garnish with Olives

There is also a Big Mac Index in existence, but it actually sounds kind of legitimate and recognized, so I’m not touching that one. My personal Big Mac Index is calculated as one sandwich per every second visit to the chain.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.25 Sips out of 5):
I haven’t done much experimenting with Olive Juice, aside from the Dirty Martini. I thought this cocktail was decent, with a fair mix of sweet and sour tastes. I didn’t notice the Olive Juice very much and that may have been all for the best.

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December 15 – The Mistletoe

All I Want for Christmas

As I researched my post on the worst Christmas albums, I came across a ton of horrible cover art that just has to be shared with all you little sippers. Prepare to be horrified and delighted all at the same time!

Rudy Ray Moore – This Ain’t No White Christmas

This Ain't No White Christmas

Horrible cover, but absolutely amazing idea! I need to get Mrs. Sip on board with Rudy Ray Moore’s idea of holiday attire. Who exactly is Rudy Ray Moore, you might be asking? Well, my little sippers, Mr. Moore is the legendary Dolemite, one of the most famous blaxploitation characters. This Ain’t No White Christmas is one of Moore’s comedy releases and features a two-part ‘The Night Before Christmas’.

Lenny Dee – Happy Holi-dee

happy-holi-dee

He didn’t even bother to put on the friggin’ Santa beard! Or, perhaps, the dogs he’s holding yanked it off and he said, “You know what, fuck it! Take the damn picture and let’s get out of here.” Dee’s Wikipedia page says that he was a virtuoso organist… Mrs. Sip would say the same about me! Happy Holi-dee isn’t Dee’s only release to incorporate his last name. He also had Dee-Lightful, Dee-Lirious, Dee-Licious, Dee-Frosting, and many more.

Thore Skogmans Julskiva – Klappa Pa!

Klappa Pa

Here’s all the meat I’ll be sexually gratifying you with… what’s that? You aren’t into meat loving? Oh, I guess I’m alone in that regard. Perhaps I’m being too hard on Thore here. He just looks like a happy-go-lucky dude who really enjoys meat and Christmas feasts. Klappa Pa sounds like something you’d hear at a German beer hall and that’s all well and good, but it’s certainly not something I’d want to get my stein on to.

William Hung – Hung for the Holidays

Hung for the Holidays

They made William Hung look like the worst South Park character ever… not that that was a really hard task. This whole idea was thrown together so quickly trying to capitalize on Hung’s 15 minutes of fame. The cover art for Hung for the Holidays might actually make the tracks on the album seem better. I hope nobody has to spend Christmas with William Hung because you know he’d be trying to share this drivel with any unfortunate guests.

Slim Whitman – Christmas with Slim Whitman

Christmas with Slim Whitman

His eyes say “you’ll be safe with me”, but his smile says “I will rape you”. And what a freakin’ awesome name! Seriously, this name would mean instant respect in any professional world, from journalism to porn. Whitman reminds me of Dan Aykroyd’s Saturday Night Live character Fred Garvin, male prostitute. To be fair, Christmas with Slim Whitman shows us not to judge a book by it’s cover, as Whitman’s voice doesn’t match the sex offender image he presents.

Drink #349: The Mistletoe

The Mistletoe Drink Recipe

After checking out this list, you’d probably agree with me that it’s a good thing cover art for music releases is largely a thing of the past thanks to the death of the album, tape, and CD.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail was pretty refreshing and I’ve always liked how Grey Goose Cherry Noir and Sweet & Sour Mix work together. The Club Soda gave the drink a nice level of fizz, while not distracting from the taste of any of the other ingredients. I also really like my simple but effective garnishing of the cocktail.