Mixer Mania #20 – Measure of Success

Did you know that olives (the juice form being today’s feature mixer) were once used as a unit of measurement? A “k’zayit”, which translates to “like an olive” was used to estimate amounts of Jewish ceremonial foods, including challah, matzah and wine. Let’s take a look at some other odd units of measurement:

Wheaton

Based off of actor Wil Wheaton, this unit of measurement takes into account a person’s number of Twitter followers. A Wheaton is described as 500,000 followers, making a milliwheaton equivalent to 500 followers. Please take the time to follow the Sip Advisor on Twitter, so I can reach milliwheaton heights.

Sagan

As a tribute, scientist Carl Sagan’s catchphrase “billions and billions” was turned into a unit of measurement for quantity. A Sagan can now be used to describe a large quantity of anything. For example, the Sip Advisor has consumed a Sagan amount of potato chips in his lifetime.

carl-sagan

Warhol

Artist Andy Warhol once famously said (I’m paraphrasing here) that every person will famous for 15 minutes. As a result, his name has been associated with the measurement of fame. Some folks out there who have achieved kilowarhol and megawarhol status, still haven’t left the world with anything tangible… you know, your Kardashians, et al.

Waffle House Index

This measurement is used by the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) to calculate the effect of a storm and its following recovery efforts. It’s based on the Waffle House restaurant chain’s reputation of staying open during the worst of weather, serving up breakfast, while others are afraid to step outside.

Hobo Power

Coined by radio personality Adam Carolla, this unit can be used to describe an offending odor. It is based on a scale of 1-100, with 50 hobopower leading a person to become physically ill, while 100 hobopower results in death. Of course, this is all theoretical.

homeless

MegaFonzie

We can thank Futurama for this unit, which measures one’s coolness. Developed by Professor Farnsworth, and using Happy Days character Arthur ‘The Fonz’ Fonzarelli as a reference point, I once took the test and came away disappointed with a rare negative rating. Ay!

Helen

Unfortunately, this is another measurement where the Sip Advisor doesn’t show well. Mrs. Sip on the other hand ranks highly when associated with Helen of Troy, who is said to have had “the face that launched a thousand ships”. Therefore, a millihelen can be used to describe the beauty it takes to launch a single ship, while any negative helen (Sip Advisor territory) causes ships to be beached.

Mixer Mania #20: Crotch Kicker

Crotch Kicker.JPG

  • Rim glass with Salt
  • 1 oz Tequila
  • Top with Sweet and Sour Mix
  • Splash of Lemon-Lime Soda
  • Dash of Olive Juice
  • Garnish with Olives

There is also a Big Mac Index in existence, but it actually sounds kind of legitimate and recognized, so I’m not touching that one. My personal Big Mac Index is calculated as one sandwich per every second visit to the chain.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.25 Sips out of 5):
I haven’t done much experimenting with Olive Juice, aside from the Dirty Martini. I thought this cocktail was decent, with a fair mix of sweet and sour tastes. I didn’t notice the Olive Juice very much and that may have been all for the best.

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Mixer Mania #11 – Like a Fine Wine

Often, when I think of grape mixers, I think of controversial hockey commentator Don Cherry, whose nickname is ‘Grapes’ (thought to be a reference to sour grapes). As the pundit turned 83 last month, let’s take a look at others who are getting older, but still rocking it:

Betty White

White has been a fixture of the entertainment industry since the late 1930s. At 95 years old, she has been enjoying a renaissance of sorts the last few years, even hosting an episode of Saturday Night Live, thanks to a Facebook fan movement. Best remembered for her role as Rose on The Golden Girls, this lady is the grandma everyone wishes they had.

betty-white

Stan Lee

Even those who don’t know much about Lee’s massive contributions to the comic book industry have come to appreciate the icon thanks to his cameo appearances in Marvel movies. The 94-year-old refuses to slow down and will make two more cameos this year, although rumours often persist that each appearance will be his last.

Clint Eastwood

The venerable tough guy is still an imposing figure – and still directing films – despite his advanced age of 86. My favourite Eastwood story involves George Clooney wanting a basketball court put in on the Warner Brothers Studio lot and imploring Eastwood to help with the effort. When asked if he even liked the game, Eastwood, in his understated growl, responded: “I guess I do.”

Adam West

While most of the 88-year-old West’s recent roles have come in the form of voiceover work, he’s still knocking it out of the park and gaining a whole new generation of fans while doing so. I absolutely love West’s lampooning of himself as the Mayor of Quahog on Family Guy, where his appearances are some of the best parts of the long-running series.

adam-west-real-batman

Hugh Hefner

At the age of 90, the Hef is married to a former Playboy Playmate of the Month that is 60 years his junior. Enough said! You also have to remember that into his late 80’s, Hefner was in an open relationship with three young models that each could have been his own granddaughter.

Rolling Stones

The band’s current lineup consists of Mick Jagger (73), Keith Richards (73), Charlie Watts (75), and Ronnie Wood (69), who are still rocking around the clock. Despite numerous retirement tours, the quartet continue to come back year after year with new music and worldwide tours.

Paul McCartney

Sticking with the British Invasion, Paul McCartney of The Beatles is still a prominent figure in the music world, even at 74 years old. Ironically, the artist once wrote and sang about still being needed “When I’m Sixty-Four”. Apparently, he never had anything to fear and he’s still adored around the globe, by fans young and old.

paul-mccartney

William Shatner

The soon-to-be 86-year-old Shatner has put together a fine career over numerous decades. Most recently, the former Captain Kirk was joined by fellow old timers Henry Winkler, Terry Bradshaw and George Foreman for the reality TV mini-series Better Late Than Never, which saw the foursome travel to parts of Asia together.

Queen Elizabeth II

Regardless of what you think about the monarchy, the fact her majesty is still such a prominent figure as she celebrates her Sapphire Jubilee is impressive. The Queen will turn 91 in April and although she has kin in place to take over her responsibilities, she has no plans to abdicate the thrown.

Mixer Mania #11: Wrath of Grapes

Wrath of Grapes.JPG

  • 1.5 oz Dark Rum
  • Top with Grape Juice
  • Splash of Sweet and Sour Mix
  • Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry

Some honourable mentions include James Earl Jones (86) and Bob Newhart (87), who have guest starred on The Big Bang Theory in recent years. Dick Van Dyke (91) and Angela Lansbury (91) also deserve credit, as although their work schedules have decreased greatly in recent years, they are both set to make appearances in Mary Poppins Returns, due out in December 2018.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I really haven’t done much with Grape Juice before and I figured I had better like it, given the size of the container I had to buy. This drink is pretty good and I can see myself making it again, perhaps adding some Club Soda for a fizzier cocktail.

May 4 – A.S.S.

Face Pas

They all get on our nerves, but sometimes we don’t have the fortitude to call out our so-called friends of “The Book of Face” and say something about their online behaviour. That is, until your faithful Sip Advisor takes the ball and decides to blow the internet up. Let’s see how many Facebook friends I lose (probably for the better) after this post! Without further ado, the Top 10 Worst “Face Pas”:

1) Vague-Booking

We all have those Facebook friends who write cryptic statuses, just begging for people’s attention to ask for more details. You know the person who writes statuses such as: “Can’t believe this happened to me!” or “Just received the best, most awesomeness, news EVER!” The worst is when these mundane, vague-book statuses actually snag a fish and the person still doesn’t divulge the story behind the status. Be upfront; tell us what’s really going on in your life… or don’t. It’s probably pretty boring anyways. Don’t share, but not share… that’s such a waste of both of our time.

vaguebooking

2) Excessive Countdowns

You want to tell us that you leave for vacation in a week, that’s cool. You want to tell us that it’s six months, five days, two hours, and three minutes until you get married and then remind us every single day from that point until your wedding… I hope your fiancé leaves you.

3) Weather Updates

Readers are well familiar with my contempt for weather analysts so I just love it when someone on Facebook wants to not only tell me about the conditions I can see by opening my own window, but also their personal feelings on it. You don’t even have the excuse that you get paid to provide this information, but please continue to feel the need to tell the world that it’s raining and that it makes you really, really sad.

facebook weather

4) Liking Everything

I know people out there want to show their support for family and friends, but if you like absolutely everything, it kind of weakens the power of your likes. People should have limits on their daily likes and then you’d really have to think about things before you clicked the thumbs up. Even if that were the case, I would still go around liking my own statuses before anyone else’s.

5) TMI

You got another yeast infection… um, yay? Here’s an idea: tell a doctor, instead of the entire online world.

facebook_TMI

6) I’m Sick 😦

In a similar vein, I’m tired of people who go onto Facebook just to let the world know that they have a serious case of the sniffles, unless you can do it in a way that is clever and will entertain me. If you’re not feeling that well, get some rest. Don’t waste your time facestalking the random people you haven’t seen since high school and fishing for sympathy.

7) Fake Relationship Updates

I’m really not a fan of the people out there that change their Facebook relationship status just to get a rise out of their friends and family or even their partner. I’ve had three relationship statuses throughout my six years as a member of the site. “In a relationship with,” “Engaged to,” and “Married to.” Granted, I’m one of the lucky ones, but if you’re not married, don’t act like you are, and if you are in a relationship, don’t act like you aren’t. If you’re still together, why change your status to “It’s complicated”? You only inspire other losers to follow suit.

Relationship-Status-its-Complicated

8) RSVPs

This one is really quite simple. If someone is inviting you to something via Facebook, have the respect to say, one way or the other, whether you will be attending or not, especially when it’s a smaller event. If you can’t be bothered to take the 3 seconds to RSVP, then don’t expect your host to take the hours to shop, prep, and accommodate you when you later show up unannounced to said event. Also I can’t help but notice that the people who often do not state whether they are attending or not attending, are the type who never host events themselves.

9) Self-Taken Photos

This one is really simple: if there’s no one around to take the photo for you, it’s probably a photo that doesn’t need to be taken. Selfies in mirrors of baby bumps are the worst violators of this. Every time I see one, I always just assume that the person is either a single mom or her partner just doesn’t care enough about the growing alien inside her to take 5 seconds to snap a decent photo.

Selfies

This brotha’s got some game! What’s with the shower cap and shades, though?

10) Odd Facebook Names

I can understand when people make small tweaks to their given name for privacy purposes, but if you completely invent a new name for yourself, how is anybody supposed to know who you are? I can’t count the number of times someone has popped up in my feed and I’ve had to question who that person is. It usually drives me to want to drop the person from my friend list.

And finally, the absolute worst Facebook infraction known to mankind is…

Constantly advertising your blog! Thank you and goodnight… I’m here all week!

Drink #124: A.S.S.

A.S.S. Shot

One last note, you should also be careful with who you delete from your Facebook account. Relative strangers? Sure, go ahead and axe them. Deleting your entire set of in-laws when you’ll be stuck with them for a cruise ship wedding (and the rest of your married life), one month before said ceremony… probably not the best idea, but this world run amuck with idiots!

Did I forget something? Let me know!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This shot combines three of my favourite ingredients and goes down super easy. You could go through a lot of these in a night and you might not even get that trashed… perfect for entertaining!

January 13 – Long Island Iced Tea

Lightweights

Lightweights are lucky–they get drunk without having to spend much cash. I’m not saying I’m a heavyweight, but I probably fall somewhere in the middle thanks to years of experience and conditioning. The Long Island Iced Tea can be very deceptive for any lightweight. It tastes so good that you feel you’re not drinking much, but because of all the ingredients it takes to make the concoction (2.5 oz of liquor in each, plus limited mixer), you’re actually getting sloshed quite quickly. Both Marge Simpson and Sheldon Cooper have been victims of the Long Island Iced Tea’s venom. Here are some other classic lightweights:

stan smith

Stan Smith (American Dad)

Wanting to live life 1960’s style after watching an episode of Bewitched, Stan proposes to his wife Francine that they make a habit of having evening martinis when he returns from work. Things go off the rails quickly though when Stan is being chased by Francine through their neighbourhood, Stan in his underwear and Francine trying to get him to stop running. How many drinks did Stan have to be behaving in this manner? He consumed one cocktail.

Intoxi-Quoted (my word invention for quotes delivered while on the sauce!): Yaaaaaaahhhhh [unintelligible noises]

Stewie Griffin

Stewie Griffin (Family Guy)

I can’t really blame a baby for getting plastered so easily. He is literally the definition of a lightweight. Stewie starts drinking in order to be nicer and again it only takes one drink to get him tanked. When he refuses to stop boozing, Brian takes him to the Drunken Clam and gets him blitzed, in the hopes that he’ll quit. This, of course, doesn’t end well, with the pair crashing their car – driven by Stewie (naturally if a baby can drink, he can surely drive, as well) – into the bar. After experiencing a massive hangover the next morning, Stewie does give up the bottle… at least the one filled with liquor. QUITTER!

Intoxi-Quoted: [on top of a shelf, drunk] Everybody! Everybody! I’m gonna jump! Gonna jump from… Gonna jump… to my high chair! You ready? Can you… Can you see me… gonna jump… gonna ju… jump to my highchair. You watching? Are you? Are you? [jumps and misses highchair] Ow! You see me?

Marge Simpson

Marge Simpson (The Simpsons)

When the Simpson family attended a magic show-themed restaurant, Marge was given a Long Island Iced Tea by the magician and found the drink to be quite enjoyable (well, because, it IS quite enjoyable!) Before the show was over, she downed multiple cocktails and was totally soused. Her new found loss of inhibitions resulted in her taking to the stage as the magician’s volunteer. Once back at home, Marge continued to imbibe in frequent Long Island Iced Teas. My kind of lady!

Intoxi-Quoted: “I’d like to visit that Long Island place, if only it were real.”

The Habitation Configuration

Sheldon Cooper (Big Bang Theory)

Sheldon (Jim Parsons) can be difficult to deal with. Penny (Kaley Cuoco), one of his most frequent combatants is a bartender at The Cheesecake Factory. When Sheldon saddles up to the bar and asks for something more than Chamomile Tea, Penny serves him (she could serve me anytime!) a Long Island Iced Tea, which he believes is non-alcoholic (due to the words “ice tea”). Sheldon slams a couple quickly, resulting in him confronting on-again, off-again frenemy, Wil Wheaton. He also lost his pants in another booze-related incident.

Intoxi-Quoted: “Get the Mad Hatter on the horn, I’m having a tea party!”

Tom Haverford (Parks and Recreation)

Looking to stir up some business, Tom (Aziz Ansari) takes former NBA star Detlef Schrempf to the club he has an ownership stake in, The Snakehole Lounge. While there, Tom seems to be very inebriated. It’s is later revealed by Schrempf, however, that Tom has only consumed two beers… and lite beers at that.

Intoxi-Quoted: “I’m DRUNK!” [at charity telethon]

Doc Brown

Doc Brown (Back to the Future)

In the third edition of the time travel franchise, Doc (Christopher Lloyd) passes out following a single shot of whiskey, which is bad enough, but all it took for him to get a buzz going was to smell the drink. And really, how could you ever tell whether or not he’s hitting the bottle… he’s so erratic in his natural behaviour. That’s why we like him!

Intoxi-Quoted: No quote available… the good doctor passed out until morning.

And here’s the drink that brought down two characters on this list and countless others in the real world!:

Drink #13: Long Island Iced Tea

Long Island Iced Tea

  • 0.5 oz Vodka
  • 0.5 oz Tequila
  • 0.5 oz White Rum
  • 0.5 oz Gin
  • 0.5 oz Triple Sec
  • 1 oz Sweet & Sour Mix
  • Top with Cola
  • Garnish with lemon and lime wedge

That sure is a lot of ingredients, but it’s worth it in the end, as you get a strong, but delicious drink. Alternatively, you could go out and buy a Long Island Iced Tea mixer and all you would have to do is add the Sweet & Sour and Cola. I’ve tried one product like this and enjoyed it, but I do have to say, there’s nothing like the real thing!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I really enjoy Long Island Iced Teas, but I feel that simply using the Long Island Iced Tea pre-mixed booze is simpler than having all four necessary liquors on hand and dropping half a shot of each into your drink. When I’ve used the pre-mixed, I don’t notice any difference in taste or effect, so why make things complicated on yourself. Regardless of that little issue, it’s still an awesome cocktail.