Mexico – El Diablo

Ancient Civilizations

While this may take on the look of a history class, we’ll try to liven things up with human sacrifices, monuments to the gods, the seven wonders of the world, and mystical mythology. All in a day’s work around the Sip Advisor offices! At recess we can even enjoy some tacos, burritos and enchiladas. So, take your Pepto or Tums, it’s time to get a little freaky with the various cultures that make up Mexico’s history:

Olmecs

These fine people worshipped a god that was half human and half jaguar. It had no name, so I’ve supplied my own: the humuar! You laugh now, but just wait and I bet those thieves writing modern Scooby Doo episodes will eventually steal this title. The Olmecs (now best known for the Olmeca Tequila brand… although I have no verification of this!) developed large parts of the eastern coast of Mexico and can be credited with sculpting the famed Colossal Heads.

The Olmecs have more origin stories than some comic book characters, including tales told in popular culture that they originated from Africa. Most researchers don’t find these accounts to be very credible, but the same could be said for many super heroes. The concept of zero is said to have been developed by the Olmecs, meaning we have them to blame every time we run out of money, food, lives, etc. Before this civilization came along, everything was infinite and unlimited and they went ahead and ruined all our fun in the name of mathematical accuracy.

90's Game Shows

Most importantly, Olmec culture was used for the 90’s Nickelodeon game show Legends of the Hidden Temple!

Aztecs

Usually nomadic, the Aztecs settled in Mexico after spotting an eagle standing on a cactus, clutching a snake in its talons. The image represents the sun, the heart, and the earth, respectively and is now depicted on the country’s flag. Like the Olmecs before them, the Aztecs were big into human sacrifices, believing that without blood, the sun would stop moving and the world would come to an end. During a sacrifice ceremony, the heart of the victim (although they’d have you believe there were volunteers) would be cut out and burned in the temple. The heart was known as “precious eagle cactus fruit,” which should be released as a liquor flavour.

The Aztecs were a bloodthirsty civilization, sacrificing anywhere from 10,000 to 50,000 people per year. Ruler Montezuma II even killed 12,000 of his own people in one day. Not content to just enjoy sacrifices as entertainment, the Aztecs played a ball game called tlachtli… although the losers were often killed off to appease the gods. Thankfully, this isn’t the same result after the Sip Advisor’s soccer matches (winless in 2014).

Mayans

The Mayans also played a ball game known as pitz, which is speculated to have featured decapitations, with those separated heads possibly used as balls in the sport. When in battle, the Mayans were known to throw hornet bombs at their enemies, which was an actual hornet’s nest. This is how Macaulay Culkin’s character in My Girl actually died, but the movie covers the fact the Mayans were responsible. Hey, if they used decapitated heads for sport, is a hornet bomb really unimaginable!? The Mayans can be credited with building the Chichen Itza city, now considered one of the seven wonders of the world.

Mayans were perhaps one of the first image-conscious civilizations, but they went about it in all the wrong ways. They would press boards against babies’ foreheads to given them a desired flat surface and cross a young child’s eyes by dangling an object on the bridge of their nose until the desired effect was achieved. Children were named according to the day they were born with a set list for boys and girls that was expected to be followed. Lastly, although they’re always credited with predicting the end of the world in 2012, this is complete hokum (to borrow a line from Sheldon Cooper). The Mayan’s calendar system merely meant that a new cycle would begin on Dec. 20, 2012 and mention of other occurrences past that date do exist in Mayan accounts.

Incans

The Incas recorded their history using a string and knot system, known as Quipu. The Sip Advisor does the same when tying his shoelaces every morning, although those entries are lost every afternoon when the laces are untied and I’ve forgotten to once again jot down the activities of my day. The Incas were prominent users of the coca plant for everything from pain relief to surgeries, energy boosts to appetite suppression. Modern day pop drinkers and cokeheads can thank them for their discovery.

ancient-Incas-2012

The Incan flag depicts two snakes eating opposite ends of a rainbow with a tassel in the middle. I’d give my best interpretation of what this could mean, but I would surely offend a number of groups and therefore, I’ll leave it be. European diseases such as smallpox greatly destroyed the Incan civilization. The disease was able to spread so quickly because of the empire’s own triumphs, such as their highly-developed road system.

Zapotec

This civilization built cities in the south of Mexico and believed that they came into existence after emerging from caves or transforming into human form from being trees and jaguars. Were the tree people more likely to be vegetarians, while the former jaguars were meat eaters? Ah, the experiments one would conduct if they had a time machine!

The Zapotec also developed the first writing system in the Americas, so we have them to thank for this wonderfully-crafted site, but also them to blame for tripe like the Twilight series. While at war (is that all people ever did back in the day!?) the Zapotecs used a cotton form of armour. I have continued on this tradition, as when I enter battle with Mrs. Sip, I adorn myself with Q-tips, cotton balls, and surgical wrappings. It doesn’t help much, but it has provided many amazing selfie photos!

Toltec

The time of the Toltecs was looked at as a “golden era” thanks to developments in writing and medicine, among other advancements. Both the Mayans and Aztecs highly respected the Toltecs and fashioned themselves after the civilization in many regards. To have a ‘Toltec heart’ was a compliment of the highest respect as it carried the weight of being worthy and excellent at all things. This is a commendation that I have received throughout my life, but only now realize that folks weren’t hurling insults in my direction.

Mexico: El Diablo

El Diablo Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Tequila
  • 0.5 oz Blackberry Liqueur
  • Top with Ginger Ale
  • Splash of Lime Juice
  • Garnish with Lime Wedge

So much blood has been spilt in Mexico and we haven’t even got to the drug cartels that run the country today. Oh well, some stories need to be saved for another time!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I was really looking forward to trying out this recipe and it did not disappoint. I did sub Blueberry Liqueur for Blackberry Liqueur because I was curious about how that would work and it came together very well. The best part of the drink was the smoky tequila aftertaste that can only be enjoyed with an anejo version of the spirit. Given this cocktail and Monday’s 5 out of 5  Sea of Cortez drink, Mexico has the best numbers so far for the Around the World tour!

May 4 – A.S.S.

Face Pas

They all get on our nerves, but sometimes we don’t have the fortitude to call out our so-called friends of “The Book of Face” and say something about their online behaviour. That is, until your faithful Sip Advisor takes the ball and decides to blow the internet up. Let’s see how many Facebook friends I lose (probably for the better) after this post! Without further ado, the Top 10 Worst “Face Pas”:

1) Vague-Booking

We all have those Facebook friends who write cryptic statuses, just begging for people’s attention to ask for more details. You know the person who writes statuses such as: “Can’t believe this happened to me!” or “Just received the best, most awesomeness, news EVER!” The worst is when these mundane, vague-book statuses actually snag a fish and the person still doesn’t divulge the story behind the status. Be upfront; tell us what’s really going on in your life… or don’t. It’s probably pretty boring anyways. Don’t share, but not share… that’s such a waste of both of our time.

vaguebooking

2) Excessive Countdowns

You want to tell us that you leave for vacation in a week, that’s cool. You want to tell us that it’s six months, five days, two hours, and three minutes until you get married and then remind us every single day from that point until your wedding… I hope your fiancé leaves you.

3) Weather Updates

Readers are well familiar with my contempt for weather analysts so I just love it when someone on Facebook wants to not only tell me about the conditions I can see by opening my own window, but also their personal feelings on it. You don’t even have the excuse that you get paid to provide this information, but please continue to feel the need to tell the world that it’s raining and that it makes you really, really sad.

facebook weather

4) Liking Everything

I know people out there want to show their support for family and friends, but if you like absolutely everything, it kind of weakens the power of your likes. People should have limits on their daily likes and then you’d really have to think about things before you clicked the thumbs up. Even if that were the case, I would still go around liking my own statuses before anyone else’s.

5) TMI

You got another yeast infection… um, yay? Here’s an idea: tell a doctor, instead of the entire online world.

facebook_TMI

6) I’m Sick 😦

In a similar vein, I’m tired of people who go onto Facebook just to let the world know that they have a serious case of the sniffles, unless you can do it in a way that is clever and will entertain me. If you’re not feeling that well, get some rest. Don’t waste your time facestalking the random people you haven’t seen since high school and fishing for sympathy.

7) Fake Relationship Updates

I’m really not a fan of the people out there that change their Facebook relationship status just to get a rise out of their friends and family or even their partner. I’ve had three relationship statuses throughout my six years as a member of the site. “In a relationship with,” “Engaged to,” and “Married to.” Granted, I’m one of the lucky ones, but if you’re not married, don’t act like you are, and if you are in a relationship, don’t act like you aren’t. If you’re still together, why change your status to “It’s complicated”? You only inspire other losers to follow suit.

Relationship-Status-its-Complicated

8) RSVPs

This one is really quite simple. If someone is inviting you to something via Facebook, have the respect to say, one way or the other, whether you will be attending or not, especially when it’s a smaller event. If you can’t be bothered to take the 3 seconds to RSVP, then don’t expect your host to take the hours to shop, prep, and accommodate you when you later show up unannounced to said event. Also I can’t help but notice that the people who often do not state whether they are attending or not attending, are the type who never host events themselves.

9) Self-Taken Photos

This one is really simple: if there’s no one around to take the photo for you, it’s probably a photo that doesn’t need to be taken. Selfies in mirrors of baby bumps are the worst violators of this. Every time I see one, I always just assume that the person is either a single mom or her partner just doesn’t care enough about the growing alien inside her to take 5 seconds to snap a decent photo.

Selfies

This brotha’s got some game! What’s with the shower cap and shades, though?

10) Odd Facebook Names

I can understand when people make small tweaks to their given name for privacy purposes, but if you completely invent a new name for yourself, how is anybody supposed to know who you are? I can’t count the number of times someone has popped up in my feed and I’ve had to question who that person is. It usually drives me to want to drop the person from my friend list.

And finally, the absolute worst Facebook infraction known to mankind is…

Constantly advertising your blog! Thank you and goodnight… I’m here all week!

Drink #124: A.S.S.

A.S.S. Shot

One last note, you should also be careful with who you delete from your Facebook account. Relative strangers? Sure, go ahead and axe them. Deleting your entire set of in-laws when you’ll be stuck with them for a cruise ship wedding (and the rest of your married life), one month before said ceremony… probably not the best idea, but this world run amuck with idiots!

Did I forget something? Let me know!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This shot combines three of my favourite ingredients and goes down super easy. You could go through a lot of these in a night and you might not even get that trashed… perfect for entertaining!