May 4 – A.S.S.

Face Pas

They all get on our nerves, but sometimes we don’t have the fortitude to call out our so-called friends of “The Book of Face” and say something about their online behaviour. That is, until your faithful Sip Advisor takes the ball and decides to blow the internet up. Let’s see how many Facebook friends I lose (probably for the better) after this post! Without further ado, the Top 10 Worst “Face Pas”:

1) Vague-Booking

We all have those Facebook friends who write cryptic statuses, just begging for people’s attention to ask for more details. You know the person who writes statuses such as: “Can’t believe this happened to me!” or “Just received the best, most awesomeness, news EVER!” The worst is when these mundane, vague-book statuses actually snag a fish and the person still doesn’t divulge the story behind the status. Be upfront; tell us what’s really going on in your life… or don’t. It’s probably pretty boring anyways. Don’t share, but not share… that’s such a waste of both of our time.

vaguebooking

2) Excessive Countdowns

You want to tell us that you leave for vacation in a week, that’s cool. You want to tell us that it’s six months, five days, two hours, and three minutes until you get married and then remind us every single day from that point until your wedding… I hope your fiancé leaves you.

3) Weather Updates

Readers are well familiar with my contempt for weather analysts so I just love it when someone on Facebook wants to not only tell me about the conditions I can see by opening my own window, but also their personal feelings on it. You don’t even have the excuse that you get paid to provide this information, but please continue to feel the need to tell the world that it’s raining and that it makes you really, really sad.

facebook weather

4) Liking Everything

I know people out there want to show their support for family and friends, but if you like absolutely everything, it kind of weakens the power of your likes. People should have limits on their daily likes and then you’d really have to think about things before you clicked the thumbs up. Even if that were the case, I would still go around liking my own statuses before anyone else’s.

5) TMI

You got another yeast infection… um, yay? Here’s an idea: tell a doctor, instead of the entire online world.

facebook_TMI

6) I’m Sick 😦

In a similar vein, I’m tired of people who go onto Facebook just to let the world know that they have a serious case of the sniffles, unless you can do it in a way that is clever and will entertain me. If you’re not feeling that well, get some rest. Don’t waste your time facestalking the random people you haven’t seen since high school and fishing for sympathy.

7) Fake Relationship Updates

I’m really not a fan of the people out there that change their Facebook relationship status just to get a rise out of their friends and family or even their partner. I’ve had three relationship statuses throughout my six years as a member of the site. “In a relationship with,” “Engaged to,” and “Married to.” Granted, I’m one of the lucky ones, but if you’re not married, don’t act like you are, and if you are in a relationship, don’t act like you aren’t. If you’re still together, why change your status to “It’s complicated”? You only inspire other losers to follow suit.

Relationship-Status-its-Complicated

8) RSVPs

This one is really quite simple. If someone is inviting you to something via Facebook, have the respect to say, one way or the other, whether you will be attending or not, especially when it’s a smaller event. If you can’t be bothered to take the 3 seconds to RSVP, then don’t expect your host to take the hours to shop, prep, and accommodate you when you later show up unannounced to said event. Also I can’t help but notice that the people who often do not state whether they are attending or not attending, are the type who never host events themselves.

9) Self-Taken Photos

This one is really simple: if there’s no one around to take the photo for you, it’s probably a photo that doesn’t need to be taken. Selfies in mirrors of baby bumps are the worst violators of this. Every time I see one, I always just assume that the person is either a single mom or her partner just doesn’t care enough about the growing alien inside her to take 5 seconds to snap a decent photo.

Selfies

This brotha’s got some game! What’s with the shower cap and shades, though?

10) Odd Facebook Names

I can understand when people make small tweaks to their given name for privacy purposes, but if you completely invent a new name for yourself, how is anybody supposed to know who you are? I can’t count the number of times someone has popped up in my feed and I’ve had to question who that person is. It usually drives me to want to drop the person from my friend list.

And finally, the absolute worst Facebook infraction known to mankind is…

Constantly advertising your blog! Thank you and goodnight… I’m here all week!

Drink #124: A.S.S.

A.S.S. Shot

One last note, you should also be careful with who you delete from your Facebook account. Relative strangers? Sure, go ahead and axe them. Deleting your entire set of in-laws when you’ll be stuck with them for a cruise ship wedding (and the rest of your married life), one month before said ceremony… probably not the best idea, but this world run amuck with idiots!

Did I forget something? Let me know!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This shot combines three of my favourite ingredients and goes down super easy. You could go through a lot of these in a night and you might not even get that trashed… perfect for entertaining!

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5 thoughts on “May 4 – A.S.S.

  1. We all make the faux pas here and there, to be sure. I like it when people have the gumption to speak their minds though. Speak your mind and say it with pride, that’s what I think.
    In that vein:
    YOU JERKFACE, I changed my facebook name.
    haha no I’m kidding (about the jerkface thing).
    Perhaps some people, not necessarilly talking about myself, but some people, might change their name because they WANT to be unnoticed by people who aren’t close enough friends to recognize them by other details…
    Or maybe I just want to create a separate persona, separate from my mild mannered alter ego, that I will use to conquer the world, and no one will know from whence this person came, because she has NO HISTORY!!!
    Maybe I just want to be Spaceman Spiff, is that so wrong, is that so wrong I say!
    haha
    Enough about that. See you wednesday brother. Good post as always.

    • I was actually thinking more about the name change thing earlier today and I can see it as another level of security on Facebook, which is sometimes needed in this crazy online world.

      I think my issue with name changes (a handful of my FB friends have gone this route) is that Facebook is largely meant as a way to keep in touch with people and even reconnect. That’s a little hard to do when they’re assuming a pseudonym.

      Of course, if you want to be harder to find, or as you put it, unnoticed by not-so-close friends, then the name thing isn’t a bad idea, at all.

      We can discuss further over pitchers tomorrow!

      • I can see the point of changing your name so people who don’t know you that well won’t recognize the profile. I’ve just been lucky enough to use marriage as an excuse to make me harder to find (by using the new married name) so don’t see how that is so different!

        HATE the whole RSVP thing so believe that’s spot on! Of course the solution could always be to stop hosting events and save all your liqour for your own sweet consumption!

        Another good post that brings attentions to some of faux pas and overall pitfalls of being on “The Book” in general:

        http://stickyhothoneypot.wordpress.com/2012/10/04/fakebook-getting-out-of-the-mix/

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