December 16 – Christmas Blizzard

We Wish You a Meme-y Christmas

Today marks the 350th drink the Sip Advisor has presented on this site and as it has been with every 50-mark, I present to you some of the funny memes I’ve found on the internet. Given it’s Christmas, it will have a decidedly yuletide theme!

Cat Christmas Party

Office Christmas parties are a weird beast. For most, it’s the one time of the year when you see your co-workers a little lit up and acting in ways they wouldn’t around the office. It seems this little kitty got a little cray cray and wound up passing out on the floor. I’ve been there! Thankfully, I’ve never been “that guy” or “that girl” who takes things to the extreme and ends up with a lampshade on their head… or even worse.

White Christmas

I’m pretty sure most female members of the Sip Family follow this line of thinking. I enjoy snow at Christmas, although given I live in a part of the world where we don’t see much of the white stuff, our beautiful city completes shuts down with even a light dusting. Plus, most of the population is not prepared for snow and can’t drive very well in the best of conditions. I think I’d rather stick to the wines than the snow.

Santa Judges

Now that’s a job everyone would be envious of. I work 365 days a year and my only solace is that I also get to judge all of you! I’m an equal opportunity kind of guy, however, and I appreciate any judgments that come my way. Ol’ Santy Claus here doesn’t like us taking pot shots at him… like calling him fat… or lazy… or a bad employer. He’s watching me right now (who wouldn’t!?), so I guess I’m not getting anything but a lump of coal for Christmas.

Cat Song

I’m surprised the kitty isn’t interested in the 8 Maids Milking so it has some drink to wash down all those birdies! I wish I could get a costume like this on one of Ma and Pa Sip’s cats. Problem is I’d shed more blood than a Dexter kill room sees and the outfit still wouldn’t be on the animal. I do agree with the fluff ball above that no one really needs pears (aka the forgotten for a reason fruit).

some-batteries

Now what could she be using those batteries for? Wait, I know! Her TV controller must be out. The obvious answer is always sitting there right in front of you. You know, in these times, when I’m not very hopeful for the generations that are coming after mine, I find it refreshing that this youngster, regardless of his motives, is thinking of his mother’s enjoyment and passing that along to Santa, who will surely fill her stocking with goodies!

Drink #350: Christmas Blizzard

Christmas Blizzard Drink Recipe

  • 1.5 oz Malibu Rum
  • Top with Cream Soda
  • Garnish with Coconut Shavings

Feel free to send any funny Christmas memes my way. It’s a busy time of the year, but that’s makes it especially important to take a step back and enjoy all the little things out there!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail is a little plain in taste. The Malibu Rum isn’t very noticeable. It’s still an above average drink, though, with Cream Soda being a pretty enjoyable mixer.

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June 12 – Sour Sex

It’s All in the Name

Some would say that today’s drink does not have a very appealing name. However, while a wine connoisseur I am not, I’ve noticed that wines and wineries in general have some very, let’s say “unique” trademarks. There can be some really clever names for wineries, and then there can be some god awful brands. Here are some of the best and worst out there:

Best:

Mischief and Mayhem (France)

This winery name perfectly describes what you’re likely to get up to after a bottle or two of its grapes. Throw in a brand like Naked Grape and hopefully that’s in your future as well! While I’m not a regular wine drinker, I have had a number of adventures start with a bottle of red or white (or even the occasional rosé when I’m feeling particularly crazy!) so thank you for that wine world!

Mischief and Mayhem

Tex Zin (Texas)

I actually found this moniker on someone’s list of bad winery names and I don’t know what they were thinking. I think it’s pretty catchy in it’s relation to the term Tex Zin. I think Zinfandels are the asiest wine to play off of for a winery name. There’s also 7 Deadly Zins, Cardinal Zin, and Original Zin.

Moral Compass (California)

Every good drinker knows that the ‘moral compass’ theory is utter nonsense. With each drink, the compass gets more and more damaged and by the end of the first bottle you’ve either lost it or its readings are coming in completely jumbled. My moral compass has been missing for years, even after I tacked pictures of it to milk cartons around the world.

Mad Housewife (California)

The wine’s label reads: “Somewhere near the cool shadows of the laundry room. Past the litter box and between the plastic yard toys. This is your time. Time to enjoy the moment to yourself. A moment without the madness. The dishes can wait. Dinner be damned.” That about sums up the family experience and why I’m not necessarily looking forward to it. I won’t be reaching for wine in a situation like the one presented above. I’ll be slamming whiskey instead.

Mad Housewife

Screw Kappa Napa (California)

This is one fraternity or sorority that I would actually golf clap for. It is true that wine can make you sleepy, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting afternoon drunk and having a brief cat nap before evening fun.

Stu Pedasso (California)

Say the name slowly and you’ll get the joke. There is some dispute over whether Stu actually exists and even if he does, whether this is his real name. If he does, I’d like to induct him into The Sip Advisor Hall of Fame. So, will the real stupid asshole please stand up? Ha, I didn’t say Sip Advisor says…

Worst:

Cat’s Pee on a Gooseberry Bush (New Zealand)

Is this supposed to describe the taste of the wine? The aroma? That’s just what we need in today’s world… a wine that smells like ammonia and tastes even worse. I’m pretty sure cats don’t even pee on gooseberry bushes anyway. Perhaps if it were called Cat’s Pee in a Litter Box, it would make more sense… and be even harder to swallow.

Cat's Pee on a Gooseberry Bush

Booger Swamp (North Carolina)

This winery name gives me the mental image of a backwoods family flicking their nose gold into a swamp and then using a giant paddle to stir the mixture up before bottling the substance. So. Not. Right.

Clos de Pise (Italy)

Roughly translated, this winery name means “field of piss”. Again, is this an idea we want to relate to something we are about to ingest? Imagine this was part of the wine making process, to flood the field of grapes, much like cranberries are with water, only this time the H2O is substituted with…well you get my point. Would wine be nearly as possible if this were the case?

Frog’s Piss (France)

Continuing what now appears to be the very original theme of comparing wine to urine, we now have this lovely French Winery. Nothing beats a nice refreshing glass of… Frog’s Piss??? Do frogs even pee? There’s so much I still need to learn. It figures a culture that indulges in frog’s legs would find uses for other parts of the amphibian, including its bodily fluids!

frog's_piss

Hair of the Dingo (Australia)

I’m sure this is meant to be similar to “hair of the dog”, both of which would be equally disgusting to drink. I will, however, take my morning after booze in the form of hard alcohol and not fermented grapes. Did we ever learn whether or not that dingo ate her baby?

White Trash White/Redneck Red (California)

I’m assuming that this wine is produced in a large oil drum – and an unwashed oil drum at that – by a group of rednecks who have grown tired of the risky moonshine business and have pledged to go legit with a winery. Sadly, their dreams will come to a crashing halt when Cousin Cletus realizes that they’ve been making moonshine all along and never came up with a new recipe.

Drink #163: Sour Sex

Sour Sex Wine Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Whiskey
  • 1 oz White Wine
  • Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
  • Splash of Lemon Juice
  • Garnish with Warheads Sour Twist

I’d be interested to know how many people will buy a wine solely based on its name. Then, I’d like to know how many of those people end up having a good experience and how many regret their purchase. These are the kinds of statistics we should be looking into, not wasting our time with childhood obesity and global warming!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I could only assume that sour sex would be disappointing, and this drink is much the same. There’s just something a little off with concoction. Whether it’s Whiskey not mixing well with White Wine, or Lemon Juice wreaking havoc on the recipe, something is just not right. It’s a passable cocktail, but I can’t give it any more credit than that.

June 10 – Funky Garlic

Let the Wine Flow

The internet is filled with wine memes; some good, some bad. This is a small collection of memes I think are worth checking out, giving folks a little chuckle with their daily dose of libation goodness:

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Why can’t it be both!? Sure, wine can lead a woman down the path of awesome, but what really takes the fairer sex over the edge is the dude who gives her confidence and makes her comfortable in her own skin. Admittedly, it works both ways, but we would never credit beer with making us feel sexy and strong… drunk and disorderly fit that bill a little better!

finewine

Well, the ladies had their fun in the first photo and us fellas get our revenge here. I must say, if women love their wine so much, why would they be angry to be locked in the wine cellar? I guess the wine would eventually run out and it might be a little boring, but for the first week or so, you could have your own little one-woman party!

i-love-wine-funny-pictures

I’m pretty sure the exact same thing has happened to me before with Mrs. Sip! I let it slide because when she hears me say “I love you” before bed at night, I’m either talking to my cocktail nightcap or my serving of cookies and milk. Can you feel the love, little sippers!?

Sink Fixed

Damn, if I could turn one of my sinks into a wine dispenser, or better yet, a whiskey or rum version of the picture above, I’d be the happiest man in the world… and I’m basically there already, so let’s push me over the edge. I’m asking all my handyman friends out there to make my dream come true… I’ll even consider it an early birthday present!

funny-wine-someecards

This is a great idea and we might be onto something for the wino/vagrant community. Personally, I think tequila bottles would benefit most from this sort of marketing because you can get a little loco when pursuing the worm!

Drink #161: Funky Garlic

Funky Garlic Wine Cocktail

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I really don’t get the name of this drink. That said, it tastes decent, but the Wine is largely buried. The Cola is quite prominent in the recipe, perhaps a little overwhelming. Combining Wine with conventional mixers like Cola and Lemon-Lime Soda makes for an interesting concoction, but it falls a little short in the taste department.