It’s All in the Name
Some would say that today’s drink does not have a very appealing name. However, while a wine connoisseur I am not, I’ve noticed that wines and wineries in general have some very, let’s say “unique” trademarks. There can be some really clever names for wineries, and then there can be some god awful brands. Here are some of the best and worst out there:
Mischief and Mayhem (France)
This winery name perfectly describes what you’re likely to get up to after a bottle or two of its grapes. Throw in a brand like Naked Grape and hopefully that’s in your future as well! While I’m not a regular wine drinker, I have had a number of adventures start with a bottle of red or white (or even the occasional rosé when I’m feeling particularly crazy!) so thank you for that wine world!
Tex Zin (Texas)
I actually found this moniker on someone’s list of bad winery names and I don’t know what they were thinking. I think it’s pretty catchy in it’s relation to the term Tex Zin. I think Zinfandels are the asiest wine to play off of for a winery name. There’s also 7 Deadly Zins, Cardinal Zin, and Original Zin.
Moral Compass (California)
Every good drinker knows that the ‘moral compass’ theory is utter nonsense. With each drink, the compass gets more and more damaged and by the end of the first bottle you’ve either lost it or its readings are coming in completely jumbled. My moral compass has been missing for years, even after I tacked pictures of it to milk cartons around the world.
Mad Housewife (California)
The wine’s label reads: “Somewhere near the cool shadows of the laundry room. Past the litter box and between the plastic yard toys. This is your time. Time to enjoy the moment to yourself. A moment without the madness. The dishes can wait. Dinner be damned.” That about sums up the family experience and why I’m not necessarily looking forward to it. I won’t be reaching for wine in a situation like the one presented above. I’ll be slamming whiskey instead.
Screw Kappa Napa (California)
This is one fraternity or sorority that I would actually golf clap for. It is true that wine can make you sleepy, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting afternoon drunk and having a brief cat nap before evening fun.
Stu Pedasso (California)
Say the name slowly and you’ll get the joke. There is some dispute over whether Stu actually exists and even if he does, whether this is his real name. If he does, I’d like to induct him into The Sip Advisor Hall of Fame. So, will the real stupid asshole please stand up? Ha, I didn’t say Sip Advisor says…
Cat’s Pee on a Gooseberry Bush (New Zealand)
Is this supposed to describe the taste of the wine? The aroma? That’s just what we need in today’s world… a wine that smells like ammonia and tastes even worse. I’m pretty sure cats don’t even pee on gooseberry bushes anyway. Perhaps if it were called Cat’s Pee in a Litter Box, it would make more sense… and be even harder to swallow.
Booger Swamp (North Carolina)
This winery name gives me the mental image of a backwoods family flicking their nose gold into a swamp and then using a giant paddle to stir the mixture up before bottling the substance. So. Not. Right.
Clos de Pise (Italy)
Roughly translated, this winery name means “field of piss”. Again, is this an idea we want to relate to something we are about to ingest? Imagine this was part of the wine making process, to flood the field of grapes, much like cranberries are with water, only this time the H2O is substituted with…well you get my point. Would wine be nearly as possible if this were the case?
Frog’s Piss (France)
Continuing what now appears to be the very original theme of comparing wine to urine, we now have this lovely French Winery. Nothing beats a nice refreshing glass of… Frog’s Piss??? Do frogs even pee? There’s so much I still need to learn. It figures a culture that indulges in frog’s legs would find uses for other parts of the amphibian, including its bodily fluids!
Hair of the Dingo (Australia)
I’m sure this is meant to be similar to “hair of the dog”, both of which would be equally disgusting to drink. I will, however, take my morning after booze in the form of hard alcohol and not fermented grapes. Did we ever learn whether or not that dingo ate her baby?
White Trash White/Redneck Red (California)
I’m assuming that this wine is produced in a large oil drum – and an unwashed oil drum at that – by a group of rednecks who have grown tired of the risky moonshine business and have pledged to go legit with a winery. Sadly, their dreams will come to a crashing halt when Cousin Cletus realizes that they’ve been making moonshine all along and never came up with a new recipe.
Drink #163: Sour Sex
- 1.5 oz Whiskey
- 1 oz White Wine
- Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
- Splash of Lemon Juice
- Garnish with Warheads Sour Twist
I’d be interested to know how many people will buy a wine solely based on its name. Then, I’d like to know how many of those people end up having a good experience and how many regret their purchase. These are the kinds of statistics we should be looking into, not wasting our time with childhood obesity and global warming!
Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I could only assume that sour sex would be disappointing, and this drink is much the same. There’s just something a little off with concoction. Whether it’s Whiskey not mixing well with White Wine, or Lemon Juice wreaking havoc on the recipe, something is just not right. It’s a passable cocktail, but I can’t give it any more credit than that.