March 26 – The Crush

Posted on March 26, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Sir Mix-A-Lot

I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity mixer and that is why I love playing with ingredients that don’t often get placed into cocktail recipes. Here are some of my favourites to work with and some I have yet to try, but am itching to crack open!:

Root Beer

My first favourite pop when I was a wee lad, I still enjoy root beer and now I can take that love to a whole ‘nutha level with my cocktail mixing. Root beer adds a different flavour to recipes, compared to other dark pops. The hint of vanilla can be a very nice touch and add a twist to any number of drinks. Barq’s, A&W, Mug… it don’t matter which one you’re using. They’re all good around these parts; just make sure to practice safe mixing.

Apple-Lime Juice

This has got to be one of my favourite grocery store finds in recent years. Every single drink I make with this juice turns out amazing. This all coming from a guy who used to be completely friends-off with apple juice after medicine I was once given to knock me out looked like apple juice, smelled like apple juice, but brother, it wasn’t apple juice. That reminds me, I need to grab another carton of this elixir!

Cream Soda

Imagine my surprise when I bought a can of Fanta cream soda recently and it came out clear. Thinking that my vision had finally quit on me after years of television and computer screens (plus the aforementioned drinking problem), I checked with Mrs. Sip to see if this was actually the case. I had expected the usual pink colour that accompanies cream soda, but this new clear look can be a good thing. It means that there is an option if you want the flavour, but not the colour. So, be careful if you want to make a pink-coloured drink to get cream soda that is actually dyed this hue.

My boys Ernie and Bert enjoy a cream soda… this could have been a telling sign, if you catch my drift…

Orange Crush

I’m shocked that orange-flavoured sodas don’t get used in more drinks. By comparison, one bartending website has 86 recipes for orange soda (and very few that actually interested this Sip Advisor), while there are a whopping 2,360 concoctions featuring orange juice. Today’s drink is an original recipe, which I hope you’ll all enjoy… I know I did.

Watermelon Juice

I have a can of Arizona watermelon juice that I’m just dying to experiment with. I love watermelon and cry on a daily basis when it’s out of season as I go through watermelon withdrawal. Sure you can still get your hands on the juicy fruit (not the gum), but you’ll probably pay an arm and a leg for it and good luck making drinks hopping around the bar with one hand to hold the shaker. What will I make with this juice… stay tuned to find out!

Drink #85: The Crush (An Original Sip Advisor Recipe)

1.5 oz Wiser’s Spiced Whiskey
0.5 oz Peach Schnapps
Top with Orange Crush (or other Orange Soda)
Garnish with Orange Slice

Perhaps we should hold a reader vote to find out which rare mixer I use next… I welcome your comments, although I’ll likely just go ahead and pick a winner on my own volition!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Using Orange Crush for cocktails has rekindled my love for this type of soda. Here, it tasted well with the Peach Schnapps and Spiced Whiskey and I’m glad I thought of combining the three ingredients. Definitely one for fans of the hue.

March 18 – Lush

Posted on March 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Drunk-a-lunks

A couple months ago, we shared a few laughs looking at some alcohol lightweights. Today, we look at their opposites, the folks who can really throw the drink back and give a new meaning to the term booze hound. Ah, my idols!

Roger Smith – American Dad

There are very few scenes of American Dad where Roger isn’t drunk, drinking or talking about getting soused. He’s been known to spend a majority of the Christmas season out of his gourd on eggnog and has even gone into the moonshine business, showing his passion for sweet lady liqour and all that she can provide mankind.

Intoxi-quoted: “Pardon me, sir. I’m what you might call an advanced drinker, and I’ve been having a Dickens of a time concocting an eggnog that provides the certain… heady tingle that I require.”

Homer Simpson & Barney Gumble – The Simpsons

While both men have struggled with their alcohol needs over the series’ many years, Barney seems to have finally strapped himself onto the sober wagon but I don’t think Homer ever will… he’s just too funny when he’s blitzed. Ironically, Homer is the one who gave Barney his first beer… the night before Barney’s SAT exam that he was set to ace.

Intoxi-quoted: Homer: “Wow, Barney. You brought a whole beer keg.” Barney: “Yeah… where do I fill it up?”

Cheers Gang – Cheers

While you don’t often see the guys from Cheers getting drunk per se, given the number of hours they spend at the bar each day, you’d have to assume that they’re often going home substantially liquored up. Heck, it’s the only way Norm Peterson will go home to his never-seen wife, Vera.

Intoxi-quoted: Woody Boyd: “Hey Mr. Peterson. Jack Frost nipping at your nose?” Norm Peterson: “Yeah. Now let’s get Joe Beer nipping at my liver.”

Willie – Bad Santa

Willie is a stinking drunk and he knows it. He has no interest in turning his life around and wants nothing more than his next big score (usually from robbing whichever department store he’s worked at during the Christmas season) before moving onto the next target. If I was ever a mall Santa, you can bet I’d show up to work looking as disheveled as this naughty Claus.

Intoxi-quoted: Sue: “I’ve always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn’t notice. It’s like some deep-seeded childhood thing.” Willie: “So is my thing for tits.”

Bender Rodriguez – Futurama

Bender is not really an alcoholic, but he needs to drink alcohol to keep his mechanics running… so, he drinks a LOT! He even fermented his own brew inside of himself, treating the mix as if it were his own unborn child. Now that’s true love and devotion.

Intoxi-quoted: “I’m gonna drink ’til I reboot!”

Lucille Bluth – Arrested Development

The matriarch of the Bluth clan, Lucille lives a life of luxury (despite the fact she can no longer afford it) and what better to do than get drunk off your ass on a daily basis. Her kids have grown up – although Buster, in his late 30’s, has yet to leave home – and she doesn’t have to (or want to) work, so the only way to pass the time is with a delicious cocktail.

Intoxi-quoted: Lucille Bluth: “Get me a vodka rocks.” Michael: “Mom, it’s breakfast.” Lucille: “And a piece of toast.”

Peter Griffin – Family Guy

When Peter and the guys hit the Drunken Clam, someone, if not all of them, are bound to go home plastered. Peter’s drinking has got him into a lot of trouble over time, including multiple arrests, issues with his wife, near-death experiences and the killing of nearly every brain cell he ever had… and he didn’t start off with many to begin with.

Intoxi-quoted: “C’mon, let’s go drink ’til we can’t feel feelings anymore.”

Drink #77: Lush

1 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
0.5 oz Peach Schnapps
Top with Apple-Lime Juice
Garnish with Lime Wedge and Apple Wedge

Mrs. Sip often calls me a drunk-a-lunk when I’m hitting the bottle with awesome passion and force. So, here are some departing words from yours truly: “When you wake up after a hard night of drinking and you’re worried about your liquor supply, just remember that even potatoes can be turned into vodka!”

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I thoroughly enjoyed this cocktail. From the usually solid Melon Liqueur to the delicious Apple-Lime Juice, I was very happy that a recipe I thought would be awesome actually turned out that way. It also looked great, completing the package.

February 26 – Life’s A Peach

Posted on February 26, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rough Starts

Sure it’s February and the weather may not be at its best in your neck of the woods. Maybe you’ve caught a winter flu or cold bug (like Mrs. Sip passed along to your friendly neighbourhood liquor slinger). But hey, things could be worse. You could be one of these people, having a not-so-peachy start to 2013:

Lance Armstrong

Lancelot finally revealed what made him so “Livestrong” en route to winning seven Tour de France titles. With his image tarnished, all the good he ever did for cancer research and being an inspiration to cancer victims and their families has been tossed out the window along with his legacy in cycling. At least he hooked up with Cheryl Crow… that you can never take away from the man.

Oscar Pistorius

The ‘Blade Runner’ went from hero to zero in South Africa (and around the world) when he killed his girlfriend, model Reeva Steenkamp. Pistorius shot Steenkamp four times, claiming he mistook her for a robber. Guess when you hear someone burgling your precious toiletries it’s better to shoot four times through the locked bathroom door first and let the jury ponder questions of self-defence later. The only person involved in the case with perhaps an even less peachy time of it than Pistorius is the chief investigating officer, Hilton Botha, who managed to botch most of the initial investigation. But hey, it’s really hard to get your investigation details right when your mind is probably on your own upcoming charge of attempted murder, right Mr. Botha?

National Rifle Association

Speaking of gun violence, with all the recent incidents in the United States, the NRA is really under fire. How the NRA continues to push their pro-weapon message, in spite of all the school shootings, mall massacres, and other tragedies is beyond this simple Canadian boy. It’s sad that it seems there needs to be even more unnecessary killings in order to finally get the message across. Then again, if the past is any indication, the NRA isn’t listening to any messages that don’t call for principals, babysitteres, and girl scouts to start carrying guns. Whoa, a completely serious Sip Advisor. I must apologize for that, readers. It won’t happen again.

Subway

The hoagie haven has been busted for serving 11-inch sandwiches instead of the advertised 12-inches. How many more 12-inch sandwiches could have been made with the inch that was missing from every sandwich Subway has sold over the years? That’s an extra bite or two of glorious sandwich goodness and I for one am outraged!!! Apparently, I’m not alone, as there are several pending lawsuits against the chain. It’s hard to believe people would actually file suit over this. Can they claim extreme mental anguish because of the missing inch? Does an extra inch really make the difference (Mrs. Sip says it does). I personally think all the litigants should get paid out in coupons for one-inch subs. There, problem solved!

Victims of Russian Meteorite

Videos of this event have been astonishing viewers for weeks now. The crappiest part, aside from the more than 1,000 injuries, was the sonic boom that shattered so many windows in the area. Daytime temperatures in this part of Russia were only as high as -12-degrees Celsius, so you can assume that a lot of Russkies were freezing their asses off waiting for their insolation from the harsh climate to be restored. At least they have vodka and while it’s been proven to not actually heat a body, it’ll get ya drunk and make it easy for you to fall asleep, regardless of temperature. (Warning: passing out in extreme temperatures may cause frost bite, death, or your buddy to draw fallic symbols on your face).

Woman with Deadly Vagina

An unidentified Brazilian (the place, not the wax job) has been caught trying to kill her husband by putting a poisonous substance on her hoo-ha and demanding her husband pleasure her orally. Given she had recently asked for a divorce, that should have been his first clue to get the fuck outta Dodge. Lucky for our lethario, he has some bloodhound in him and smelled something fishy… and then he smelled something poisonous (*rimshot*).

To top it all off, the woman is being sued by her estranged husband… that’s right, sued… not criminally prosecuted, although sources say that is still a possibility. And we all thought Brazilian fart porn would be the country’s worst export in the sex department. Now we could see a rash of poison vagina murder copycat plots…

Pope Benedict XVI

Shouldn’t the pope be saying that prayer and faith will heal him and help him continue to lead the church? His stepping down due to age and illness (the first pope to resign since Gregory XII in 1415) shows that his election was totally the wrong choice (although he was given 7-1 odds to take the job… do people gamble on the papacy nowadays?). Personally I think the Catholic Church should just select someone young and sexy in its next conclave. Is Justin Bieber available?

2012 Doomsdayers

The fact that we’re all (well, most of us are) still here in 2013 is enough to drive an apocalypse theorist nuts (if they’re not already there). It won’t be long before another theory emerges and these crackpots get back to building their bomb shelters and stocking supplies for the “end of days.” I happen to think that I’d thrive in a post-apocalyptic world. Liquor would be in high demand and if you search my home, that seems to be all I’ve hoarded for emergency purposes!

Drink #57: Life’s A Peach

1 oz Vodka (I used Pinnacle Strawberry-Kiwi)
1 oz Peach Schnapps
Top with Lemonade
Garnish with a real Peach Wedge and a Fuzzy Peach candy

Yes, 2013 has been rough so far for the folks listed above. And to think, we’re only two months deep into the calendar. People still have another 10 months to completely mess up their year and everyone else’s. Never fear, though, my little sippers, I’ll always be here to make things better!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I wasn’t entirely impressed with this cocktail. The Strawberry-Kiwi Vodka disappointed and didn’t blend well with the Peach Schnapps. With the drink done, I went to eat the Peach Wedge and realized, I don’t care much for peaches!

January 16 – Not So Fuzzy Navel

Posted on January 16, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Mantiquing

I’m not the biggest man-scaper out there. That doesn’t mean I don’t take care of myself. I hit the gym, clip my nails, gel my hair on special occasions, shave and shower regularly… you know, all the necessary stuff… Wow, I’ll stop right there because this is starting to feel like an eHarmony profile. (P.S.: I’d be horrible in today’s dating world!)

Let’s cut straight to the chase. Recently and for the second time in my life, I got my chest waxed. I won’t do things like manicures and pedicures, but when I’m going to spend a week or longer with my shirt frequently off, the chest hair has to go. It’s my personal choice, but I like to think the results speak for themselves.

Back to my story, remember I’m a rookie at all this, I enter the house of pain otherwise known as a spa and I’m not even sure what to do or where to go. I’m quickly ushered by the uninterested receptionist to a back room (I don’t like where this is going). The door is then shut behind me and all I see is a pot of wax being melted, jazz music being played and a muted showing of Pirates of the Caribbean on the little TV in the room.

I quickly conclude that this could possibly be a death trap at the hands of a pirate-loving saxophonist. Adding to my uneasiness is the faint sound of screams I can hear that seem to have been absorbed by the walls over years and years of hair being ripped out in the name of self-beautification. But it must be my imagination, right? At this point I’m wondering what on earth made me decide this was a good idea.

Then the door opens and a woman comes in and tells me to take my shirt off… if only it was that easy in the outside world. This must be the waxer… waxist?… whatever, I’m past caring by this point. Once topless and lying down on the gurney (easier to wheel out the bodies after?) – some wax is applied to a strip-sized area of my chest. My shoes are still on. Don’t want to get TOO comfortable, plus it gives me the ability to run away, if necessary. What a sight that would be: the Sip Advisor running half naked down the streets of downtown Vancouver with one patch of chest hair missing.

The first few strips are yanked off and it’s not a walk in the park. She must almost be finished, I think, until I take a quick look down and see that barely any progress has been made. “You have a strong pain threshold,” the waxologist tells me and I feel like a badass! She tears another strip and tears well up in my eyes, so much for being a badass.

The worst part is that Ms. Wax N’ Buff wants to have a conversation while she’s doing her job. It’s like the dentist chatting you up while their fingers and tools are in your mouth… okay dirty birdy, not that tool… As I’m in mid-reply to one of her questions, she yanks a strip of fur off my stomach and I nearly choke on my own words.

Finally, it’s over! I breathe a sigh of relief and let my guard down, until I’m splashed with alcohol. My eyes shoot open and I try valiantly to push through the burn. Then it’s time to towel off, pay my bill and leave. Wham, bam, thank you ma’am!

When I get home, I’m looking to recover from the traumatic experience… I need a drink. I drink when recovering from most things: chick flicks, the Canucks losing the playoffs (again), the mention of the word vasectomy… it’s what I do! That’s when I stumbled upon the Not So Fuzzy Navel. It seemed like perfect choice.

Drink #16: Not So Fuzzy Navel

1.5 oz Peach Schnapps
Top with half Grapefruit Juice and half Orange Juice
Garnish with Orange Wedges

The drink did its job and numbed my pain… that is until I had to do my next application of rubbing alcohol… Not to fear, loyal readers, that was followed by my next application of drinking alcohol!

Are you into mantiquing? Got any tips for me? Leave me a comment. My wife may appreciate your advice for me, more than I do!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is a very light drink given it’s only liquor is Peach Schnapps. The flavour was pretty good given you have peach, grapefruit and orange all coming together and I was surprised they blended so well.

January 11 – Bellini

Posted on January 11, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

The Ballad of Baby Bellini

Recently, I was told that Bellini has become an increasingly popular baby name for girls. I sincerely hope that my source of information had merely indulged in one too many of the aforementioned drink. Sure, there’s an argument to be made that Bellini has a hint of Italian heritage to it – along with a distinct note of peach essence – but come on, you named your kid after an alcoholic beverage. What were you thinking!? Did your friends already lay claim to the new 2013 names of Bellamy, Spartacus, Chrysanthemum and Eyre?… And I really wish I had just made those 2013 names up. but… Google it. Be afraid.

Going back to little baby Bellini, I can just see it now, when the kid asks about her name, her parents can sit her down and tell her, “We named you after the drink mommy got smashed on before we created you.”

Then later on down the road when Bellini is no longer a little girl, but a grown woman, off at the Devry University – or one of those other “schools” that I see advertised when I’m trying to get my Judge Judy on – our young Bellini starts going to the bar and falls prey to anyone going for the easy pick up line: “Hey Bellini, I could have anything at the bar but I only want to order you.” Or, “Hey Bellini, I’m drinking your nectar.” Okay, that one gets a little PG and I’m not really a pick-up line type of guy, but you get the point: poor, poor girl.

And what if her future husband – or wife… or dog (I’m all for equal rights for every being) – gets a headache from drinking too many of the cocktails? Ever have a frozen bellini… those things are basically a brain freeze in a glass. Doesn’t this just open the door for them to blame Bellini for all of their problems?

I predict that the Bellini’s of the world will likely all become bitter alcoholics, literally drinking themselves to death.

And, if this trend continues, it looks like my kids will be named Tom Collin’s Wilson if it’s a boy and for a girl, let’s call her Manhattan… both of those are actually kind of catchy!

I’ll give the Bellini name one thing… it’s better than Apple (what was Gwyneth Paltrow thinking!?!?)

Drink #11: Bellini

1 oz Peach Schnapps
Top with Champagne
Garnish with a Maraschino cherry

Under the right lighting, the Maraschino cherry can look like a setting sun, a little fireball waiting for you at the end of the cocktail. This was beautifully captured in Mrs. Sip’s wicked photo of the drink.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to point out that I scheduled the Bellini for this day because we’re celebrating my cousin Erika’s birthday tonight (it was actually last Friday (Jan. 4), but she was away on a Caribbean cruise, the lucky girl). The Bellini is one of her favourite libations, more so in the frozen cocktail version, but I’m sure she’d enjoy one of these, too. She is, after all, a bubbly enthusiast and I raise my glass to her… HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail wasn’t too bad, even given its high concentration of champagne. I love how the Maraschino Cherry garnish really came to life in the photo.

January 5 – Silk Panties with Lace

Posted on January 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Dirty Names

Is this what you were thinking when you searched the term that brought you to this site?

I’ve always found it funny that many shots have dirty names. Some would say the dirtier the better. Who are we kidding, I would normally say the dirtier the better! And what better day to post these shots than Saturday: the best day of the week, where you can sleep in, stay up late, enjoy a shot or 6, and not worry about the head shattering consequences until the next day. It’s a special I like to call, Super Saturday Shot Day!

As this blog is built, a major hurdle is apparently attracting viewers using “keywords” or “tags” or whatever you call these words that I highlight in different colours and my wife keeps bugging me to hyperlink. So… with posting shot names such as “silk panties” (and that’s one of the tamer names out there) I figure that I’ll naturally draw in those who really know how to appreciate the art and composition that is a fine shot when they are sitting alone in their room on a Saturday night (right? because that’s what guys sitting alone in their room search for on the internet).

I even tried the search, myself… you know, in the name of research. God bless Victoria’s Secret!

Anyhoo, without further ado, my first super shot is the “Silk Panties with Lace”, because who doesn’t enjoy indulging in a fine pair of panties or two on a Saturday night?

Shot #1: Silk Panties with Lace

Rim glass with sugar
3/4oz Raspberry Vodka or another vodka (plain or flavoured)
3/4oz Peach Schnapps
Garnish with lemon wedge

I’m guessing the sugar rim is the lace waistband at the top of the shot, while the liquors in the glass, particularly the silky peach schnapps would be the panties. I have no clue where the lemon fits into the whole analogy… well, I have a couple ideas, but I don’t want this post to be classified as erotic fiction.

If you’re enjoying this site so far, please sign-up to follow the page. Each post will then be delivered straight to your e-mail and you can keep up-to-date on my Sip Advisor activities and adventures.

If you have any drink suggestions you would like to see featured on Sip Advisor, leave me a comment or send me an e-mail. I will be doing a full week of suggested drinks in the very near future.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
While I’d prefer to have the lingerie, the shot version of this title was enjoyable, too. Peach Schnapps and Raspberry Vodka seem like a wonderful match and a Sugar Rim is like having a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down!

Sip Advisor

The Good, The Bad & The Bubbly

Tag Archives: peach schnapps