February 8 – Cryonic Shock

Science Fact

There are some crazy ideas out there in sci-fi land. Some are so far-fetched that only the imagination could ever dream them up. Regardless of their practical application, here are the top five items I wish actually existed:

#5: Teleporters

How great would it be to instantly zap yourself from work to home, avoiding a tiresome and frustrating commute? How about being able to travel around the world in a flash… and not have to be a mutant to do so? Hell, even Urkel had one of these bad boys! I think the best use of a teleporter would be to pop in and out of people’s room, Monsters Inc.-style and scare the bejesus out of unsuspecting folk. Paranormal Sip Activity, yo!

teleport machine

#4: Cryonics

Let me set this up for you with a scenario we’ve all had loom before us in our future. Your significant other wants you to attend some show you have absolutely no interest in. And hey, this door swings both ways. While I’ve been dragged to plays and musicals before, I’ve also done the dragging, taking Mrs. Sip to the odd wrestling show or football game. The solution? Freeze yourself right through to the day following the event you need to avoid and voila, you’re safe and sound!

#3: Space Vehicles

Ranging from hovercrafts to light speed travel pods, I can’t wait for the days when traffic not only doesn’t limit me, but can no longer get me killed. I’d like to think of myself as a good driver, but there are so many bad ones out there. How nice would it be to leave out all the guesswork and even the playing field. Or, better yet, be able to take to the skies and zoom past the horrible motorists… although air transportation would surely provide its own slate of concerns.

Jetsons-science

#2: Death Rays

I wouldn’t say that I’m a violent person, but put one of these babies in my hands and goodbye homeless population! What’s that? You want my hard earned money so you can waste it on booze… wait, I’m all for that noble cause and that is where the cash is going anyway… where was I, oh right, ZAP! Goodbye panhandler, my money is mine to waste on jelly beans and race horses.

#1: Robots

Providing they don’t rise up and try to take over the world, having robots at our beck and call to do every single daunting task we don’t want to do would be amazing. We’re getting there, what with our Roomba vacuums and assembly lines. Best of all, you could have your pick of famous robots from Rosie of The Jetson’s fame to Bender Rodriguez from Futurama. I’d probably settle on Short Circuit’s Johnny-5 thanks to his mix of heart, intelligence, humour, and love of Steve Guttenberg.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Cryonic Shock

Cryonic Shock Shooter

  • Rim glass with Sugar
  • 0.5 oz Blue Curacao
  • 0.5 oz Ouzo
  • 0.25 Brandy
  • 0.25 White Rum
  • Splash Sweet & Sour Mix

Which science fiction creations would you love to see in the real world? How would you best use them to your advantage? What do you hope never sees the light of day? I eagerly await your thought-provoking responses!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I adapted the cocktail version of this recipe to turn it into a shooter. Despite the wide array of ingredients, I liked this shot. You never know how the licorice-flavoured spirits will behave when combined with other ingredients, but in this case, I feel the Ouzo enhanced the shot, rather than making it suffer as a result of its inclusion. The Sugar Rim, which I created with candy powder was also a nice sour bonus to go along with the sweet liquid.

March 18 – Lush

Drunk-a-lunks 

A couple months ago, we shared a few laughs looking at some alcohol lightweights. Today, we look at their opposites, the folks who can really throw the drink back and give a new meaning to the term booze hound. Ah, my idols!

Roger Smith – American Dad

There are very few scenes of American Dad where Roger isn’t drunk, drinking or talking about getting soused. He’s been known to spend a majority of the Christmas season out of his gourd on eggnog and has even gone into the moonshine business, showing his passion for sweet lady liqour and all that she can provide mankind.

Intoxi-quoted: “Pardon me, sir. I’m what you might call an advanced drinker, and I’ve been having a Dickens of a time concocting an eggnog that provides the certain… heady tingle that I require.”

Roger Drunk

Homer Simpson & Barney Gumble – The Simpsons

While both men have struggled with their alcohol needs over the series’ many years, Barney seems to have finally strapped himself onto the sober wagon but I don’t think Homer ever will… he’s just too funny when he’s blitzed. Ironically, Homer is the one who gave Barney his first beer… the night before Barney’s SAT exam that he was set to ace.

Intoxi-quoted: Homer: “Wow, Barney. You brought a whole beer keg.” Barney: “Yeah… where do I fill it up?”

Cheers Gang – Cheers

While you don’t often see the guys from Cheers getting drunk per se, given the number of hours they spend at the bar each day, you’d have to assume that they’re often going home substantially liquored up. Heck, it’s the only way Norm Peterson will go home to his never-seen wife, Vera.

Intoxi-quoted: Woody Boyd: “Hey Mr. Peterson. Jack Frost nipping at your nose?” Norm Peterson: “Yeah. Now let’s get Joe Beer nipping at my liver.”

Willie – Bad Santa

Willie is a stinking drunk and he knows it. He has no interest in turning his life around and wants nothing more than his next big score (usually from robbing whichever department store he’s worked at during the Christmas season) before moving onto the next target. If I was ever a mall Santa, you can bet I’d show up to work looking as disheveled as this naughty Claus.

Intoxi-quoted: Sue: “I’ve always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn’t notice. It’s like some deep-seeded childhood thing.” Willie: “So is my thing for tits.”

Bad Santa Drunk

Bender Rodriguez – Futurama

Bender is not really an alcoholic, but he needs to drink alcohol to keep his mechanics running… so, he drinks a LOT! He even fermented his own brew inside of himself, treating the mix as if it were his own unborn child. Now that’s true love and devotion.

Intoxi-quoted: “I’m gonna drink ’til I reboot!”

Lucille Bluth – Arrested Development

The matriarch of the Bluth clan, Lucille lives a life of luxury (despite the fact she can no longer afford it) and what better to do than get drunk off your ass on a daily basis. Her kids have grown up – although Buster, in his late 30’s, has yet to leave home – and she doesn’t have to (or want to) work, so the only way to pass the time is with a delicious cocktail.

Intoxi-quoted: Lucille Bluth: “Get me a vodka rocks.” Michael: “Mom, it’s breakfast.” Lucille: “And a piece of toast.”

Peter Griffin – Family Guy

When Peter and the guys hit the Drunken Clam, someone, if not all of them, are bound to go home plastered. Peter’s drinking has got him into a lot of trouble over time, including multiple arrests, issues with his wife, near-death experiences and the killing of nearly every brain cell he ever had… and he didn’t start off with many to begin with.

Intoxi-quoted: “C’mon, let’s go drink ’til we can’t feel feelings anymore.”

Drink #77: Lush

Lush Cocktail

  • 1 oz Vodka
  • 0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
  • 0.5 oz Peach Schnapps
  • Top with Apple-Lime Juice
  • Garnish with Lime Wedge and Apple Wedge

Mrs. Sip often calls me a drunk-a-lunk when I’m hitting the bottle with awesome passion and force. So, here are some departing words from yours truly: “When you wake up after a hard night of drinking and you’re worried about your liquor supply, just remember that even potatoes can be turned into vodka!”

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
I thoroughly enjoyed this cocktail. From the usually solid Melon Liqueur to the delicious Apple-Lime Juice, I was very happy that a recipe I thought would be awesome actually turned out that way. It also looked great, completing the package.