October 17 – Wicked Witch of the East

Posted on October 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Musical Mayhem

Today we look at my favourite musicals I’ve been dragged along, kicking and screaming, to see. What do musicals have to do with alcohol, you might be asking? Well, whenever Mrs. Sip wants to go to one, she usually plies me with booze to get me in the mood. It’s a similar process to serving chocolate fondue to your better half when you want them to play video games with you. What’s that? Us dudes are supposed to use this tactic for other benefits… oh my, how very wrong I’ve been!

Avenue Q

The way I always describe this show is “Sesame Street gone badass”. The musical features scenes of gratuitous puppet sex, while also including songs like “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist” and “The Internet Is For Porn”. I actually introduced Mrs. Sip to Avenue Q, suggesting we see it in London’s West End after I saw an ad. She wasn’t onboard until learning that it had actually won a number of Tony awards, including Best Musical (2004), beating out Wicked, the show Mrs. Sip wanted to see. The show didn’t disappoint in it’s larger London venue or when I recently saw it again in a smaller venue at Vancouver’s Granville Island Theatre.

Book of Morman

Mrs. Sip and I were lucky to see this amazing show during another trip to London recently. It’s the hottest show right now and tickets are hard to come by. We ordered months in advance… and then blanked on the date of our performance and missed it. They hold a lottery before every show to sell 21 tickets in the front row. Mrs. Sip and I entered and were fortunate to have our entry drawn! The show was produced by the creators of South Park, who have absolutely no problem lampooning everything under the sun from religion to race and Book of Mormon is no exception.

Rock of Ages

If you love 80’s rock from all the best hair bands, then this show is for you. The energy is fantastic, the music is rocking and there are a lot of laughs to be had, as the era is spoofed. Of course, the plot centers around a small town girl and a city boy coming together in Los Angeles, as they both reach for the heights of stardom. This is the first musical I’ve been to where they actually sell drinks routinely throughout the performance.

Jersey Boys

When you leave this musical, all you want to do is download some Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons tunes and go back in time to another era. I surprised Mrs. Sip with tickets to this show as a wedding shower gift… well, after Ma Sip forgot to pass the present along to her, on my behalf. The production, which we saw at Vancouver’s Queen Elizabeth Theatre, received an immediate standing ovation as it ended, not one of those “well, most people are standing, so I guess I’ll stand too” types of deals. Oh, what a night!

Lion King

Hakuna Matata… what a wonderful phrase! Mrs. Sip and I saw the Lion King in Las Vegas and it was an enjoyable show. While I personally found that the movie is better, the musical tried to separate itself a little from its source material with a few songs that aren’t in the film and the costumes were out of this world. Perhaps best of all, is it was combined with a free buffet dinner at the Mandalay Bay resort.

Singin’ in the Rain

This is the first musical I ever took Mrs. Sip to as part of a dating anniversary gift. I suppose I set myself up for future trips to the theatre with that gesture, but I guess it’s all worth it. The best part of this show was when they flooded the stage during the titular number. Then, throughout intermission, as they worked diligently to dry the stage, I worked just as hard to make sure my stage was getting wet at the bar!

Aladdin

In its 10th year at the Hyperion Theatre at Disneyland’s California Adventure park, Mrs. Sip and I have watched the production a handful of times throughout our visits and have always enjoyed ourselves. The Genie sometimes updates his jokes, so it’s never the same show. Full of acrobats, big theatrical numbers, and even an elephant and a flying carpet, this mini musical never disappointing! Plus, since you’re already inside the park, the musical is free and you can bring a Churro in with you for snacking!

Wicked

Perhaps my favoruite element of going to a musical is the use of staging and how it is quickly changed in the course of a performance. This show had perhaps the best stage work I’ve ever seen and I can totally understand why it’s a hit production. The story of how the Wicked Witch became her wicket self is an interesting twist on the Wizard of Oz franchise, which is full of other possible origin tales.

Drink #290: Wicked Witch of the East

1 oz Melon Liqueur
1 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Blue Curacao
Dash of Grenadine
Garnish with a Broomstick

Have any suggestions of shows I should check out in the future? I’m willing to try anything once, but if you send me down the wrong path, I’ll take away your little sipper membership and secret decoder.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Okay, so I’ve pushed this cocktail back a number of times and Halloween seemed like the perfect time to finally get it done. It’s supposed to be layered, with the Melon Liqueur and Vodka mixed together and poured on top of the combined Blue Curacao and Grenadine, but although that didn’t work out, the blend of black with hints of green around the edges I felt looked neat enough. And the Broomstick garnish… I made that myself. I know, who would have thunk the Sip Advisor had some arts and crafts talent!

September 23 – Boggle

Posted on September 23, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Spin to Win

I love board and card games. Sitting around with friends and family, playing an old pastime provides a wonderful opportunity for the booze to start flowing and the laughs to pile up. I’m always open to trying newly discovered releases, but these are my all-time favourites:

Monopoly

Mrs. Sip is not a fan of the full-sized board game, preferring to play the faster-paced and quick playtime card versions (Monopoly: Deal and Monopoly: Millionaire) of the classic pastime. I always liked being the banker when I was young and perhaps I can credit Monopoly for my reasonably strong math skills. People often complain about the length of Monopoly games, but that’s just because they lack my style of endurance!

Cards Against Humanity

I only recently played Cards Against Humanity a few times, but I have no doubt that with even more games it will continue to rise up my favourite list. Basically, you’re given a subject, often naughty in nature, and you have to match one of your cards to that subject, usually with hilarious results. Then, one player has to choose the best reply among them all and that person wins the round. It’s good time fun!

Rail Baron

This is a game I suspect few have ever heard of, but I wish everyone knew it. Rail Baron challenges players to build a railway empire, connecting their pieces of track across the United States. Similar to Monopoly, only you have to collect rail lines instead of properties, the game sees who can reach $200,000 first and then return to their home city (selected at the start of the game). Chooooo-woooooo!

Clue

Who doesn’t love a good mystery? Clue was awesome for the investigating aspect, trying to narrow down your list of suspects, weapons and kill rooms (this is starting to sound an awful lot like Dexter!). I always liked using Mr. Green because he looked like a hardened detective type, similar to Lt. Columbo. Ms. Scarlett was kind of sexy, too! Does anyone remember the Clue movie? No, didn’t think so!

Colors & Shapes

Colors & Shapes was a classic for Cousin Sip, Broski Sip, and myself when we were younger and it’s even better in modern times after a few cocktails! It’s a very simple game, showing our collective intellect. Each player gets a mat of six coloured shapes and you flip cards one-by-one until someone fills their sheet. Things can get pretty tense when someone only needs one more card. It’s like Bingo for the even lazier!

Chinese Checkers

The thing I like about checkers-themed games is that you always have to be thinking ahead, usually multiple moves. I like to fancy myself a Checkers all-star, given it’s one of the few games I win regularly, but in actuality, I’m probably not that great. At least I’m able to wallop Mrs. Sip every now and again and that makes y years of dedication to the sport totally worth it.

Snakes & Ladders

The funny thing about Snakes & Ladders is that it taught kids what to do and not to do, while also giving them some entertainment (ie. shutting them up for a few minutes of peace time). If your pawn misbehaves, down you go. If your pawn performs a feat of good, up you rise. I even had a pool towel with this game on the back and Mrs. Sip and I were sure to take advantage of that.

Scene-It

This series of games (Movies, TV, Disney, Sports, etc.) were the 21st century twist on the VCR-game, using DVD players instead. Even if you didn’t play using the actual board, it was fun to have competitions seeing who could guess the most mini-games right. Mrs. Sip was practically unbeatable at the Disney variety, where as I dominated the Sports edition. Movies and TV were more of a toss-up.

Cranium

This is a Sip Family tradition, as most gatherings included a rousing round of Cranium with teams that varied from kids vs. adults to battles of the sexes. No matter which way it was played, games were full of laughs and learning people had skills you never thought they had before. For example, the Sip Advisor was quite the putty sculptor… perhaps I missed out on my true calling!

Boggle

If you looked up the word dominance in the dictionary, there would be a picture of me standing over a crestfallen Mrs. Sip with a Boggle game in my hands and a maniacal laugh spread across my face. It took forever for the poor girl to finally defeat me, including a loss in the Amsterdam airport, where she challenged my word and we searched for a dictionary to prove me right… mission accomplished!

Drink #266: Boggle

1 oz Vodka (I used Grey Goose Cherry Noir)
0.5 oz Midori
0.5 PAMA Pomegranate Liqueur
Top with Orange Juice
Dash of Grenadine
Garnish with Orange Wheel

Board game-themed cocktails seem to be in short supply, but someone has taken the time to create a drink recipe for each Clue character. That sounds like a challenge I’ll have to create sometime!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I didn’t know what to expect from this cocktail, but I was pleasantly surprised with the results. I used some higher end spirits, which probably helped with the overall taste. The Orange Juice provided the strongest flavour, but hints of cherry, melon, and pomegranate also came in thanks to the liquors.

September 13 – Drunk Monkey

Posted on September 13, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Shows for the Sloshed

Let me set the picture: you’ve returned to your humble abode after a night out on the town and you’re looking for some viewing entertainment to go along with your nightcap. What do you choose to watch? Here’s what the Sip Advisor has on deck to satiate the inebriated mind!

Mr. T’s World’s Craziest Fools

This show hits on everything I want while under the influence: people doing stupid stuff and getting hurt (one of my favourite things to see in the history of the world), good writing that will leave you laughing your ass off, and lines delivered by the esteemed Mr. T. While the whole genre of amateur footage is one I’ve always appreciated, there’s just something about Mr. T ripping into all these “foos” that is so refreshing.

Tosh.0

In a similar vein to Mr. T’s show, comedian Daniel Tosh lampoons everything going on the wild, wild web, from YouTube videos to internet celebrities and everything in between. Tosh also gets his audience involved in the program with interactive jokes through Twitter, Skype and other social media enterprises. Tosh will not hesitate to rip any subject to shreds, or even reenact it himself, and fans love him for it.

Man vs. Food

Host Adam Richman is a total delight, as he tours the United States, trying food challenges and showcasing restaurants famous for their amazing meals. The one caveat with watching a show like this while drunk is that you have to have some great foods to feast on or else you’ll just get jealous and moody. Before you know it, you’ll be staggering your way to a local eatery in search of pulled pork and poutine and you won’t rest until your shirt is stained with gravy and barbecue sauce!

Aqua Teen Hunger Force

When you’ve downed a bunch of drinks, your attention span may be depleted. That’s what makes these 15-minute episodes (only about 10 minutes if the commercials are cut) so attractive. The characters (I guess that’s what you’d call an anthropomorphized hamburger meat, soft drink cup, and fry carton) are quickly loveable and the jokes are funny. The episodes can be a little crazy with pace, but it’s worth the ride time and again.

Wilfred

I’ve only just started watching this series, but I have no doubt that it will provide drunken evening entertainment for some time to come. The humour is raunchy and a little dark and there’s just something about a dude dressed in a dog suit smoking from a bong, drinking beer, and humping attractive women that I find so endearing. Australian Jason Gann plays Wilfred, who’s as naughty as a puppy can come!

Archer

Sterling Archer is a top-notch secret agent, despite his battles with alcohol and being a total ass. When Mrs. Sip and I got into this series, we watched all four seasons in the span of a few weeks, myself being plastered most nights (making wicked awesome drinks for all you little sippers) and Mrs. Sip joining me on many occasions. You start watching the show for Archer himself, but soon find yourself appreciating each character for what they bring to the show.

South Park

What could be better than a group of potty-mouthed youngsters taking shots at everything and anything? Nothing is off limits to creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I’d have to give Eric Cartman the nod as my favourite character, preferring to see him when he’s trying to start a new business venture to capitalize on some current trend, but I also enjoy a number of the secondary characters, with Randy Marsh topping that list.

Drink #256: Drunk Monkey

1 oz Banana Liqueur (I used Bols)
1 oz Melon Liqueur
1 oz Triple Sec
Top with half Cranberry Juice and half Pineapple Juice
Garnish with a Banana Slice

This list also works for people that are high. Really, any show is pretty good when you’re feeling a little fuzzy. I like to learn – or try to learn – when I’m tanked and will watch anything on the Discovery Channel or other educational networks… provided there isn’t a better adult cartoon on at the same time!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I took my photos before mixing the drink because the layering looked cool. All the ingredients shine at some point during each taste, but Mrs. Sip affectionately called it ‘banana in a cup’! There is also a Drunk Monkey Shooter I’d like to try that mixes Banana Liqueur with Sambuca, which will surely be an interesting blend.

September 9 – Wipeout

Posted on September 9, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Lightning Round

And we’re back… day two of our tour through the wasteland that has become my mind, as we reminisce about my favoruite game shows from past and present. Let’s spin the wheel, make the deal, and get down to some prize-winning action!

Lingo

This great game show is a little reminiscent of Wheel of Fortune (which will not be on this list because Pat Sajak pisses me off!) with the difference being that people try to guess a five-letter word based off of the first letter and any letters they reveal in their guess gets lit up too. After a team wins the round, they choose numbers out of a bin, trying to make a bingo-type line on their scoreboard to win a round. Fun stuff for all ages!

Chuck Woolery gets his balls played with!

Classic Concentration

This is another game show board game that I had when I was younger and I loved it. Players had to match prize panels to reveal the board underneath and then solve a rebus (pictogram) puzzle to win the game. Playing my home version, I loved collecting all the prizes I could and imaging how awesome my future dream home would be. Puzzle solving? Yeah, I was pretty awesome at that, too!

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego

One of the best things about game shows as a kid is that you could actually learn something while being entertained. It is perhaps thanks to shows like Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? that I realized how useless reading really was! I also learned a lot about geography that has since been washed out of my brain by years of alcohol abuse, but I’ll always have the memories… or not. Long live Rockapella!

Supermarket Sweep

The parody they did of this show on Married with Children was amazing with perennial losers, the Bundy family, lying, cheating, and stealing in their attempt to win $1000 worth of free groceries. There was also a version geared towards kids that involved toy shopping at Toys R’ Us. The show was called Super Toy Run and it allowed children the chance to gather as many action figures, dolls, games, and other gadgets as they could in a five-minute window.

Stump the Schwab

This sports trivia competition pitted contestants against Howie Schwab, a statistician with ESPN who really knew his stats! My only complaint about the show is that it was heavy in American sports stats, but why shouldn’t it be… it was an American show on an American network after all. I tried to play along, but often couldn’t keep up, especially if they delved into college sports.

Legends of the Hidden Temple

I didn’t get to see this show too often because it was a Nickelodeon series, but anytime we were travelling and our hotel had that channel, you can bet Broski Sip and I were trying to track down airings. This show was an early attempt at blending live action and computer animation, making it seem as if kids were in a virtual video game. The show offered some education too, with mythological tales setting up each episode.

Video & Arcade Top 10

A Canadian production that must have been a marketing godsend to video game companies. The show put four players against each other, competing to have the most points or get to the furthest level in whatever video game was being highlighted before time ran out. They also reviewed the top movies and music of the time and offered video game tips. The winner at the end of the competition would get to pull a ball from a bin and take home the corresponding prize.

Wipeout

By now, you little sippers know that I love seeing people take insane falls and this show has them in spades! The humour provided by hosts John Anderson and John Henson is an added bonus and sideline reporter Jill Wagner is a total pleasure for the eyes. Taking a shot at the show opening Qualifier, the prize-awarding Wipeout Zone, or any other obstacle course the show has punished contestants with would be an honour and privilege!

Drink #252: Wipeout

0.75 oz Melon Liqueur (I used Midori)
0.75 oz Amaretto
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Raspberries and Strawberries

Looking back at all these shows, I see quite clearly that I had a wonderfully entertaining childhood. Sadly, they just don’t really do kids game shows anymore. I know there’s a Wipeout-themed series called Splatalot! out there, but I can’t think of much else that caters to the little ones… and that makes me sad. Have I missed your favourite game show? You know where to find me!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This was a good drink, but it was sweet. I used the Berries on top to emulate the big balls used on Wipeout. This cocktail also provided my first opportunity to use Midori and for long-time readers, you know how much I love melons… and by that I mean the flavour, not the body parts (although I like those too)!

September 3 – Unicorn

Posted on September 3, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Animal Crackers

Recently, a big deal in social media was made over Scotland’s national animal (to be revealed very shortly). That got me thinking about the rest of the world and which creatures have had the honour of proudly and respectfully representing a country. No nation will be off limits, as I am definitely going to skewer my home country. Here are some of the best selections:

Unicorn – Scotland

For some reason, a mythological animal for Scotland actually makes sense given they’re a mythological country! I’m just messin’ with ya Scots. Don’t forget, we here in Canada still have strong ties to the U.K. despite our distance from the motherland. The unicorn was actually a symbol of the Scottish royal family. The more you know *rainbow swipe*!

Beaver – Canada

Speaking of my part of the world, we chose an animal which just begs for other citizens to make double entendres about how much we love it! Bring on the jokes, we can take them! The beaver is a very industrious animal, building their dams for shelter. They are also good recyclers, using trees that nobody needs anymore. Stupid oxygen-enabling trees!

Lion – Belgium/Bulgaria/Luxembourg/Netherlands/U.K.

Are there even lions in most of these countries (that aren’t caged in a zoo)? Did they just choose a bad ass animal to look cool among the international community, not realizing how many other countries also claimed the feline? A place like Ethiopia or Kenya having the lion as their national animal makes sense…since, you know, lions actually live there.

King Cobra – India

This is an intimidating choice, warning us all that the Indian population can be subdued with hypnotic music, but at the same time are deadly predators that can strike in an instant and cause accelerated death. If that’s really the case though, why does it take me so long to get a live person when I call for customer service?

See, cobras can be cute and cuddly!

Gallic Rooster – France

It kind of makes sense that France would relate themselves to a bunch of cocks, am I right!? I’m sure most French people are actually quite nice, but Parisians take the cake on being dicks. We once had a cab driver who refused to acknowledge our request to go to the Eiffel Tower until we flipped it and said “Tour Eiffel”… Va te faire foutre!!

Persian Cat – Iran

While most would view the Iranians with some fear and hostility, how can you do that when they picked a freakin’ fluffy cat as one of their national animals! Ma and Pa Sip have a Persian-ish cat at home and she’s a darling…unless you try to move her off the bed. Not very friendly to her fellow felines either now that I come to think about…

Dolphin – Greece

Of course the Greeks would pick the most sexual of creatures when selecting their national animal. They did, after all, invent a great deal of the carnal moves and positions in existence, rivaling the Indians and their Karma Sutra. Apparently, dolphins also play a role in Greek mythology, as helpers of mankind. Aquaman must be jealous!

Dodo – Mauritius

Good job Mauritius (wherever the hell you are) for picking an animal that has long been extinct. Perhaps your fate will be much the same. Seems like you’re asking for a rough future with your choice in animal worship.

Bull – Spain

Nothing like killing your national animal for the entertainment of screaming, blood-thirsty fans! What’s that, you also show it respect by tying up its testicles before you taunt, tease, assault, and slaughter the beast? Hmmm, you Spanish have a funny way of showing affection. At least the bull sometimes gets revenge with a thunderous gore!

Bulldog – U.K.

Scotland’s pick of the unicorn doesn’t look so bad anymore. At least it’s a majestic creature. Meanwhile, England picked one of the foulest mutts in the dog world. With a face only an owner could love and enough drool to flood an apartment, the bulldog seems an unlikely choice for people who a nation of prim and proper tea drinkers.

Drink #246: Unicorn

1 oz Irish Crème
0.5 oz Brandy
0.5 oz Kahlua
0.5 oz Vodka
Splash of Cointreau
Dash of Melon Liqueur
Top with Milk
Garnish with a Pink Marshmallow

What do you think of some of these national animals? Is there a country you wish I had targeted with my adept lampooning? I can take the heat, just as much as I can give it out! By the way, here’s a quiz on the subject of national animals (I hope you were taking notes)… enjoy!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I really enjoyed the Melon Liqueur finish. It went really well with the rest of the recipe, highlighted by the Irish Crème. Garnishing the cocktail with a Pink Marshmallow seemed like the perfect addition for a Unicorn-themed drink.

August 20 – Cactus Kicker

Posted on August 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

I’m With Stupid

Kicking a cactus would be a pretty stupid thing to do… but I’m no stranger to stupid! Here are some of the wicked awesome things I’ve done that most would construe as stupid:

Balcony Jumper, Extraordinaire

After a full day of poolside boozing, I stepped inside to order the Sip Alliance some pizzas (and Mrs. Sip some Indian food – she always has to be the difficult one). After re-emerging from the house I spotted a challenge I’d always wanted to tackle and never taken the chance. I quickly hopped up onto the ledge of the balcony that overlooks our pool, let out a manly growl, and cleared several feet of concrete leaping into the pool below.

Things went off without a hitch… until Cousin Sip posted a Facebook status about it, prompting Ma Sip to reply in a not-so-thrilled manner. Mrs. Sip, while impressed with the feat, wasn’t very happy with me either. She made me vow never to perform the death-defying jump again. When the two most important women in your life aren’t happy with you, you know you’ve done something wrong. I promised that evening that my balcony jumping days were a thing of the past… but no one ever said the roof was off limits!

You Win Some, You LUGE Some

The more you speed, the more you bleed! That was the local motto when Mrs. Sip and I took to the Commercial Street Luge track in Rotorua, New Zealand. We’re both speed demons, but Mrs. Sip wanted to ease herself into the luging, starting with the beginner track and working her way up through intermediate and expert. I jumped straight to intermediate and after one warm-up run, I was flying down the expert course with ease. This would make a spectacular video, I thought, as I finished up my second of three runs.

On our third run, we both hit the expert track, with Mrs. Sip leading the way. Since I was such an expert, or so I thought, I was in charge of filming the track. I started rolling tape, but steering and holding the camera at the same time was proving difficult. Rather than bail on my glorious plan, I tried to make it work. Then I got to the point in the track where there was a sharp turn and a steep drop where usually you gain a bit of air. Before I knew it, I was veering towards the concrete curb, launching myself out of my vehicle and onto the thankfully grassy embankment.

Sadly, this is not how Mrs. Sip treated my numerous boo-boos…

My shirt was stained with dirt and grass, my arm sliced open and bleeding, and our camera worse for the wear, and my watch scuffed. Mrs. Sip was waiting at the bottom of the course wondering why I was taking so long to finish and thinking she had beaten me handily and was a born-speedster. As I finally finished my run, she could sense something was wrong. Luckily the sorest thing was my pride and it ended up making a decent story.

Double-O-Stupid

My 19^th birthday was a mix of good and bad. On the plus side, I was now legal age to drink alcohol. Not a huge deal because I’d been drinking for a few years by that point, but it would make procuring liquor easier. On the downside, Mrs. Sip and my relationship was only six months old and she had recently left for the United Kingdom for a year-long exchange program.

I decided to celebrate quietly with a couple friends and in a moment of nostalgia, we made plans to play the classic James Bond video game Goldeneye (much like we had done together in our formative years). The one caveat: each time you were killed, you had to do a shot of whiskey.

I have no clue why I ever agreed to this idea… I was never that great at the video game to begin with. It wasn’t long before I was running to the sink to lose my milk and cookies and my buddies weren’t far behind. Here’s where the Sip Advisor legend began to grow though… I went back to doing shots. Not many folks can get drunk twice in the same night!

Speed Trap Follies

I’ve only been pulled over for speeding once in my 14-year driving history. I think that’s a pretty damn good record. During the one time I wasn’t so lucky, I had just returned Mrs. Sip to her university residence and had a 30-45 minute drive in front of me to get back home. Given it was already 3am and I had school myself in the morning, I was looking to make short work of the trip. I had just hit about 30 kilometers above the speed limit, on a road I knew to be a trap for police, when I spotted a cop car ahead. I tried to slow down, but I was already busted.

The officer took my license and registration and asked me a couple questions, which mortified, I answered. As a struggling student, I surely didn’t need to be paying off a hefty speeding ticket. When the patrolman returned, he handed me back my papers and license and revealed that he was going to let me off with a warning. His parting words: “By the way, happy birthday!”

Drink #232: Cactus Kicker

1.5 oz Tequila (I used Hornitos)
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Sour Mix
Splash of Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with a Lime Wedge

What stupid things have you done, perhaps after a few too many beverages? Surely, I can’t be the only dumb person around here. Or maybe that’s what makes me a legend!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail is like a twist on the margarita. While I enjoyed most of the ingredients, I wasn’t very fond of the Pineapple Juice. When it became a little more diluted I enjoyed the drink more.

August 8 – Killer Kool-Aid

Posted on August 8, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Beverage of State

Did you know that a number of American states have an official beverage? That’s right, on top of having state flowers and birds, more than half of the country’s states have gone to the trouble of selecting an official drink as well. While an overwhelming number of those states have taken the easy and politically correct route of naming milk as their bevvy of choice, here are the states that chose to shake things up and ruffle some feathers (of birds… hopefully roughly… stupid birds).

Nebraska – Kool-Aid

Nebraska lamed out a little by also choosing milk as their official beverage, but they did select Kool-Aid as their state soft drink. When I was a little sipper, I knew I was destined for a life of mixology thanks to the experiments I conducted with Kool-Aid. I mixed it with a number of ingredients, searching for the next great recipe. Pepsi and Kool-Aid, or as I called it, Kontaminated Kool-Aid, provided my most favourable results.

Alabama – Conecuh Ridge Whiskey

How awesome would it be to live in a place that’s official drink was freakin’ Whiskey?! I must admit, though, I’m a little surprised that Alabama didn’t go with Moonshine as their most famous liquid offering, but I guess they had to play a little nice with the process. Good on ya, Alabama!

Massachusetts – Cranberry Juice

I guess the fine folks of Massachusetts have some serious urinary issues if they’ve chosen Cranberry Juice as their official drink. Hey, whatever keeps them healthy and happy. Cranberry Juice does factor into a lot of cocktails, so perhaps they were onto something when choosing this mixer.

Florida – Orange Juice

This is a bit of a no-brainer as Florida is renowned for their Orange Juice. I wonder if O.J. Simpson was on hand for the ceremony making the juice the official beverage of the state. This would, of course, be years before his legal troubles, but being born in California he might be partial to that states orange juice history.

Rhode Island – Coffee Milk

Rhode Island wanted to follow suit with much of the country, but also tried to remain unique by picking Coffee Milk. I’m supposing this means much of the state runs around with a caffeine buzz leading to insomnia and a rash of Starbucks popping up to capitalize on the movement. My take on coffee and its subsidiaries can be found here.

Maine – Moxie

Moxie is Maine’s official soft drink and is made with the bitter tasting gentian root extract. While it is Maine’s state soft drink because creator Dr. Augustin Thompson was born in the state, the drink was actually produced in Massachusetts… I smell a blood feud!

Indiana – Water

How boring of a selection is this!? It’s like it didn’t even try! Don’t get me wrong, I love my H2O and whenever I’m not consuming alcohol, I’m downing the clear stuff to balance myself out, but come on… couldn’t they settle on something with even the slightest intrigue? Shame, Indiana… kind of sounds like a cool place to live.

New Hampshire – Apple Cider

An interesting selection, indeed… apparently this decision grew from a student campaign (their teacher wanted to get kids interested in government and show them they have a voice even at their useless age!) and even Facebook page to get the government to make it all official.

South Carolina – State-Grown Tea

I’m assuming this could be used in either hot or iced tea, but perhaps I’d cause an international incident for drinking one and not the other. South Carolina is another state that picked milk as its official beverage, but State-Grown Tea is their State Hospitality Beverage… yes, such a thing exists.

Ohio – Tomato Juice

This kind of reminds me of the Simpsons episode where the town of Shelbyville is forced to worship a turnip tree (once Springfield gets its precious lemon tree back) and the citizens can’t stand eating the vile vegetable. I’m curious as to how many people actually drink the official beverage of their state regularly. P.S.: Tomato Juice is gross!

Drink #220: Killer Kool-Aid

Rim glass with Kool-Aid Powder
1 oz Vodka (I used Grey Goose Cherry Noir)
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
0.5 oz Amaretto
Top with Cranberry Juice
Splash of Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Lime Wedge

I’m surprised more states haven’t named an official beverage. California could choose wine, given its wonderful wine regions. Washington State could go with Apple Juice thanks to the production industry there. Finally, Michigan could choose motor oil as a nod to being the home of motor vehicle manufacturing.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I have to say that this drink tastes an awful lot like Kool-Aid… plus a little bit of the hard stuff! I used Grey Goose Cherry Noir Vodka, which added a nice flavour with the top shelf spirit and all was well… oh yeah!

July 28 – The Ultimate Warrior

Posted on July 28, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Battle Royal

The TV show Deadliest Warrior takes a look at hypothetical battles between ancient armies, modern day forces, and ruthless leaders. The fine folks running the program have lent me their software, in exchange for my Nintendo Wii, and I’ve decided to run some data. Here are a few Deadliest Warrior simulations I’ve run through their super computer:

Muppets vs. American Gladiators

On paper, this looks to be a no-brainer, but in reality, while the American Gladiators are hulking, intimidating foes, you really can’t hurt a Muppet. Muppets are practically invincible and you have to figure that the Gladiators will tire eventually, especially with the Muppets constantly cracking jokes – some good, some awful.
Winner: Muppets – No matter how many times the American Gladiators shot at the Muppets with their patented tennis ball cannon or smacked the likes of Kermit, Gonzo and Fozzy with jousting sticks, the persistent Muppets continued to attack. In particular, Animal was a brave and wild soldier, attacking the Gladiators with total disregard for his own well-being.

Skeletons vs. Monkeys

The real issue here is whether or not skeletons are prone to pain. Can you kill what is already dead? I say, hypothetically yes. Monkey weaponry is a mixed bag of tactics. There is, of course, the dung bomb, as well as the much-feared fury attack. Skeletons, however, are just creepy and can move around in an unfathomable manner.
Winner: The monkeys’ ability to attack and retreat gives them the edge in this close battle.

Cats vs. Jelly Beans

Cats may be lazy and easily distracted, but they also have a killer instinct when searching for “gifts” for their owners. Jelly beans are perhaps even lazier than kitties, just lying there, waiting to be eaten. Much like a possum, however, a jelly bean’s greatest asset is lying in wait and delivering sometimes grotesque flavours upon its attacker. Unless the jelly bean is tuna-flavoured, it may have an advantage on cats.
Winner: Jelly Beans – In a battle of who cares less, shockingly kittens do, and the last standing–as the cats pursue other interests like strings and bouncing balls–is the inanimate candy.

Hockey Players vs. Decepticons

On one hand, hockey players are some of the toughest dudes on the planet, known for playing through serious injury and never hesitating to sacrifice their body, en route to championship glory. On the other hand, the Decepticons are freakin’ robots… and evil robots, at that. Although given how some hockey players answer media questions, that depiction might not be solely for the Transformers.
Winner: I have to side with the hockey players. If Shia Labeouf can take on the Decepticons, is easy to fathom some of hockey’s greatest goons standing a chance, too.

Fast Food Servers vs. Jedis

I mean sure, one side has mind-power abilities and weapons that can slice through human flesh, but the other side are freakin’ Jedis! See what I did there… totally suckered you all in. The Jedis have a distinct advantage going into this battle, but never underestimate a slacker who holds you meal’s fate in his hands. Fast food servers can over season it, under cook it, or worst of all, spit on it!
Winner: I gotta give the W to the Jedis thanks to leadership from puppets like Yoda and Samuel L. Jackson.

Moonshiners vs. Birdwatchers

While moonshiners have the weaponry and will defend their stash to the death, birdwatchers are patient and can wait for unbelievable amounts of time prior to stealthy strikes. You also have to figure that the moonshiners will be plastered and that could alter their abilities on the battlefield.
Winner: The moonshiners get the duke for two reasons: shotguns trump binoculars and who the hell can ever have any respect for people who care about birds!

Drink #209: The Ultimate Warrior (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

Rim glass with Sprinkles
0.5 oz Jagermeister
0.5 oz Wiser’s Spiced Whiskey
0.5 oz Crowberry Frost Liqueur
Top with Root Beer

Are there any other battles you want me to run through the simulator, before I return the Deadliest Warrior computer to its rightful owner? If you can manage to make me laugh, I’ll have cocktail in your honour!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I picked liquors that I felt fell under the “warrior” motif. Jagermeister and Wiser’s both run ads about earning the right to drink their spirits and Crowberry Frost Liqueur makes me think of Game of Thrones (Winter is coming, you know). Root Beer was my pick for mixer because, let’s be honest, it is above and beyond the most manly soft drink in existence. The Sprinkles came to mind when thinking about former wrestling star The Ultimate Warrior’s face paint. Put it all together and you have one hell of a cocktail!

July 20 – Melon Ball

Posted on July 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Creative Cuisine

There are some odd culinary pairings in existence where anyone who has tried the combo swears by its deliciousness. Some of these I’ve tried and others I’ve merely only heard about. While I’ll give most anything a fair shot, I must admit that some of these couplings will take more convincing than others. This seems to be a growing field in the gastronomic world, as there’s even an entire site dedicated to the cause. Here are some blends that I’ve tried myself or found around the wild, wild web:

Melon and Prosciutto

For two completely contrasting food items, melon and prosciutto work really well together. Even though I’m not a big melon fan, the mix of sweetness from the melon and salty from the prosciutto produce a melt in your mouth snack that will blow your mind. Of course, prosciutto seems to accentuate a number of other items from crackers to salads and everything in between.

Chili Powder and Vanilla Ice Cream

I’ve enjoyed chocolate with chili powder, so I don’t see it as too much of a stretch that vanilla ice cream would also work when paired with chili powder. Heck, some chili powder might be the perfect thing to spice (literally!) up your plain old vanilla ice cream. And if you begin to feel the burn, it shouldn’t be too long before the cool ice cream dulls that tongue-on-fire sensation.

Watermelon and Black Pepper

I’ve professed my love for watermelon through this site on a couple occasions already. That love will never fade and I must admit that combing the melon with black pepper intrigues me. Watermelon can be a very subtle taste, so perhaps the addition of black pepper is simply to bring the devourer back to flavour country aboard the pepper express!

Dark Chocolate and Parmesan Cheese

One suggestion was to enjoy this union as a grilled cheese sandwich and I’m still trying to get my head around that idea. Parmesan is one of the few cheeses I seem to not mind, but mixing it with anything other than a Caesar salad seems like crazy talk to me. I even ran this by cheese guru Mrs. Sip and she couldn’t exactly picture the meal being palatable.

Jalapeno and Strawberries

Most times, these odd pairings feature the coming together of two wildly different flavours. In this case, you have the sweet strawberries being mixed with spicy jalapenos. Each bite would be a mix of competing emotions, with the spice surely winning the battle. I only like jalapenos in small doses on nachos and such, so I don’t think this combo would go over very well for me.

Chocolate and Fried Onions

This concept has me quite intrigued. I think I would enjoy a plate of onion rings with a chocolate drizzle laid over them or a little dish of the sweet stuff on the side to dip the rings in. Hell, deep fry anything and dunk it in chocolate and you’ll probably come up with a decent, gluttonous snack. I’ll put money on the fact this concept was first dreamt up in the American south and for that, we thank you!

McDonalds Fries and Hot Fudge Sundae

This combination was brought to our attention by an Australian. The Aussies are known for doing crazy things, but this being on the tamer side, Mrs. Sip and I gave it a shot are were surprised at how well the two products came together. The salt sticks known as McDonalds fries pair very well with the sweetness of hot fudge and the creamy vanilla soft-serve ice cream.

French Fries and Ranch Dressing

I should be a spokesperson for ranch dressing. I mean, just like the Frank’s Red Hot commercials, I put that sh*t on everything… tacos, sandwiches, pizza, chicken, pasta, and especially French fries. A new combo I’ve been working on of late is to mix ranch dressing with honey garlic sauce before dousing the above items with this hybrid of sweet and tangy that will blow your mind. Patent pending!

Ketchup and Macaroni & Cheese

This is another one that I’ve been doing for years, since I was a little sipper, and don’t find it an odd pairing at all, but it came up a few times in the course of my research for this article. I prefer my mac n’ cheese to be leftovers, where the cheese has dried, rather than fresh with gooey, slimy cheese. Then, just splat some catsup over the bowl, mix it up and you have a perfect quick meal.

Peanut Butter and Bacon

I love peanut butter and I love bacon, so it seems mixing the two together might be a no-brainer. I’ve enjoyed both in chocolate, so perhaps we’d be looking at our first triple threat food pairing if we combined all three together. A PB&B sandwich actually sounds pretty tempting… delicious even. I’m pretty sure I’m going to make one to enjoy with today’s shot du jour.

Drink #201: Melon Ball

0.5 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
0.5 oz Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Watermelon Ball

What is your favourite odd food pairing? Give me your best recipes and perhaps I’ll do another post on reader suggestions and how well I was able to stomach them. Sounds like fun for all, doesn’t it!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
The Watermelon Ball was a nice touch and the shooter was delicious. I was curious about Pineapple Juice being part of the recipe, but it worked well with the Melon Liqueur and you can’t ever knock Vodka for fear of a Vodka Belt reprisal!

June 17 – Mojave Green Rattlesnake

Posted on June 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Fear Factor

I am an ophidiophobe. There, I said it. The first step on the road to recovery is admitting what I am. In layman’s terms: much like Indiana Jones, Conan the Barbarian, Johnny Cash, Andre the Giant, Pee Wee Herman, and Bam Margera (among other legendary characters of my ilk!), The Sip Advisor has a deathly fear of snakes.

It could stem from a cousin chasing me around when we were younger with a Tung Lashor (He-man and the Masters of the Universe) action figure. This toy had a long darting tongue that could be launched by rolling a wheel on the villain’s back. I can still vividly see my pose-able nightmare.

Heh, you’re not so tough anymore, are ya… with your fruit roll-up tongue!

I was also a wrestling fan as a wee lad and watching Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts bring his menagerie of serpents with him to the ring (and often use them on a fallen foe). This surely had some psychologically damaging effects on me… well, I guess no more so than the average wrestling maniac.

Over the years, I’ve tried to make peace with the slithering ones and it is on my bucket list to work up the courage to touch a live snake. That may be harder to do than I ever thought, as just going near the snake aquariums at any zoo give me the no-no feeling.

I wrote a psychology paper once, detailing my efforts to get over my fear. It included looking at pictures of snakes and watching snake movie and TV programs, working all the way up to going into a pet store and walking right up to the snake tanks without hurriedly and nervously speeding by. I got a decent grade on that paper, but I never actually went into the store. A good drinker knows that recovery can be faked!

Apparently actress Salma Hayek spent two months with therapists getting over her fear of snakes so she could take the part of Satanico Pandemonium in From Dusk Till Dawn. Director Robert Rodriguez tricked her into thinking that Madonna was about to sign on for the role, prompting Hayek to face her fears.

I’m a little surprised the snake is so limp!

All that said, I do have a fascination with the creatures, often watching movies and TV programs involving serpents. Although, I have to admit, when I am watching any of the Anaconda movies or the Austin Stevens: Snakemaster biography series, I’m careful to keep my feet off the ground, for fear that a snake is waiting under the couch, poised to attack me with its toxic venom.

After all, my boy Launchpad McQuack thought he was okay with snakes until one tried to eat him. All we need is for everyone to have an experience like this and we’ll all be on the same page, fighting a common enemy. Talk about world unity y’all.

Drink #168: Mojave Green Rattlesnake

1.5 oz 1800 Añejo Tequila
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Gummy Snakes

I much prefer my snakes shaken and stirred in a beverage, rather than slithering toward this sexy beast we know as The Sip Advisor. I’ve even mustered the courage to have eaten fried rattlesnake before. I know I’ve likely disappointed some of you, to let it be known that I, the ‘Slicker of Liquor’ do indeed fear something. A drink of this and living with yourself will be much easier.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was originally on the schedule all the way back in April. I had this vision of garnishing the cocktail with a gummy snake, which seemed easy enough to achieve. And then it took two months for me to track one down. Ironically, on the same day I finally found one in a candy store in London, Ma Sip located one in Hawaii. As for the martini itself, the best part is the smoky aftertaste that comes from the Añejo Tequila, rounding out the flavours of the Melon Liqueur and Sweet & Sour Mix.

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