June 17 – Mojave Green Rattlesnake

Fear Factor

I am an ophidiophobe. There, I said it. The first step on the road to recovery is admitting what I am. In layman’s terms: much like Indiana Jones, Conan the Barbarian, Johnny Cash, Andre the Giant, Pee Wee Herman, and Bam Margera (among other legendary characters of my ilk!), The Sip Advisor has a deathly fear of snakes.

It could stem from a cousin chasing me around when we were younger with a Tung Lashor (He-man and the Masters of the Universe) action figure. This toy had a long darting tongue that could be launched by rolling a wheel on the villain’s back. I can still vividly see my pose-able nightmare.

Tung Lashor

Heh, you’re not so tough anymore, are ya… with your fruit roll-up tongue!

I was also a wrestling fan as a wee lad and watching Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts bring his menagerie of serpents with him to the ring (and often use them on a fallen foe). This surely had some psychologically damaging effects on me… well, I guess no more so than the average wrestling maniac.

Over the years, I’ve tried to make peace with the slithering ones and it is on my bucket list to work up the courage to touch a live snake. That may be harder to do than I ever thought, as just going near the snake aquariums at any zoo give me the no-no feeling.

I wrote a psychology paper once, detailing my efforts to get over my fear. It included looking at pictures of snakes and watching snake movie and TV programs, working all the way up to going into a pet store and walking right up to the snake tanks without hurriedly and nervously speeding by. I got a decent grade on that paper, but I never actually went into the store. A good drinker knows that recovery can be faked!

Apparently actress Salma Hayek spent two months with therapists getting over her fear of snakes so she could take the part of Satanico Pandemonium in From Dusk Till Dawn. Director Robert Rodriguez tricked her into thinking that Madonna was about to sign on for the role, prompting Hayek to face her fears.

Satanico Pandemonium

I’m a little surprised the snake is so limp!

All that said, I do have a fascination with the creatures, often watching movies and TV programs involving serpents. Although, I have to admit, when I am watching any of the Anaconda movies or the Austin Stevens: Snakemaster biography series, I’m careful to keep my feet off the ground, for fear that a snake is waiting under the couch, poised to attack me with its toxic venom.

After all, my boy Launchpad McQuack thought he was okay with snakes until one tried to eat him. All we need is for everyone to have an experience like this and we’ll all be on the same page, fighting a common enemy. Talk about world unity y’all.

Drink #168: Mojave Green Rattlesnake

Mojave Green Rattlesnake Drink

  • 1.5 oz 1800 Añejo Tequila
  • 0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
  • Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
  • Garnish with Gummy Snakes

I much prefer my snakes shaken and stirred in a beverage, rather than slithering toward this sexy beast we know as The Sip Advisor. I’ve even mustered the courage to have eaten fried rattlesnake before. I know I’ve likely disappointed some of you, to let it be known that I, the ‘Slicker of Liquor’ do indeed fear something. A drink of this and living with yourself will be much easier.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was originally on the schedule all the way back in April. I had this vision of garnishing the cocktail with a gummy snake, which seemed easy enough to achieve. And then it took two months for me to track one down. Ironically, on the same day I finally found one in a candy store in London, Ma Sip located one in Hawaii. As for the martini itself, the best part is the smoky aftertaste that comes from the Añejo Tequila, rounding out the flavours of the Melon Liqueur and Sweet & Sour Mix.

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April 6 – Fire Extinguisher

Weapons of Destruction

Well, it’s WrestleMania weekend, the best time of the year for sports entertainment fanatics. When I heard about this shooter, the first thing I thought of was hardcore matches, where one wrestler would spray another in the face with a fire extinguisher. Always good for a laugh, let’s see if it works as a shot as well. But first, here are some other great wrestling weapon choices while we sip away:

Coconut

One of the most famous feuds of the 1980’s was started when ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper bashed Fijian Superfly’ Jimmy Snuka over the head with a coconut following a verbal lashing that would now be classified as racially-fueled. This defined the term “foreign object”… I mean, what is a coconut doing at a wrestling show anyway!?

Piper-Snuka

The angle may have been controversial, but they turned it into an action figure set, so I guess that makes it all okay.

Mannequin Head

Deranged wrestler (aren’t they all!) Al Snow was often seen talking to a mannequin head, which came in handy during matches where he needed an extra edge. I’m sure the head told Al it didn’t appreciate being used as a blunt object, but Al was so out of his mind he probably didn’t take into account his friend’s concerns.

Kitchen Sink

Ever heard the term, “Everything, but the kitchen sink”? Well, during a Good Housekeeping Match between misogynist Jeff Jarrett and woman wrestler (and later porn star… how’s that for women’s lib?) Chyna, even a kitchen sink was used – as well as a toilet seat, salad tongs, mixing bowl, and ironing board. The match ended with both competitors covered in flour and with Chyna becoming the first ever female Intercontinental Champion.

Snakes

Indiana Jones least favourite animal (and the Sip Advisor’s) has actually been used as a weapon in wrestling rings. Jake “The Snake” Roberts has on a few occasions used pythons and cobras to attack his opponents. The dastardly attack even backfired on him once, ending with a snake biting at his own neck.

Sega Genesis/Super Nintendo/Laptop

Hardcore icon New Jack was known for bringing an entire garbage bin filled with weapons to the ring with him for matches – well, they could more likely be classified as attacks. One of his trademark assaults involved placing a vintage video game system or laptop on his victim’s crotch before smashing it with a crutch of other swingable object.

new-jack

New Jack: definitely not the kind of guy you want taking a swing at your baws!

Payphone Handset

When The Rock (Hollywood star Dwayne Johnson) was battling with Mankind (best selling author Mick Foley… proving wrestlers actually are intelligent at times) over the WWE Title over a decade ago, the two met in a number of brutal encounters. One such match featured The Rock bashing Mankind in the head with a payphone handset while shouting “It’s for you!”

Tennis Racket

Manager Jim Cornette was rarely seen without his patented tennis racket and his opponents were seldom left unscathed when the ‘Louisville Slugger’ had a chance to wallop them behind the referees back. I wonder if he ever hit the court to play…

Urn

The legendary Undertaker – whose gimmick was that he was thought to be undead – was often ushered to the ring by his manager Paul Bearer, who was in possession of the urn said to contain The Undertaker’s ashes. Whether this story pans out or not, the urn was definitely used on multiple occasions to batter an opponent of ‘The Deadman’ and help secure a number of victories.

Drink #96: Fire Extinguisher

Fire Extinguisher Shot

Judging by the list above, it seems as if anything can be used as a weapon in the ring. I know wrestling isn’t everyone’s cup of tea (although who drinks tea around this site anyways? Well, maybe the Long Island version), but thank you for letting me relive some memories on this special weekend for all the Hulkamaniacs out there!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I really enjoyed this shooter. The burn of the Fireball Whiskey was quickly cooled by the creamy Bailey’s and a Cinnamon-Sugar rim is always welcomed by me. The addition of Red Hots completed the presentation wonderfully.