September 13 – A-Sample

The Gun Show

Over the last two years, the Sip Advisor has become a bit of a gym rat (and not the type that wants to sleep with weightlifters!). As a result, I’ve been witness to some mind blowing behaviour that drives me crazy. Here are the Top 5 exercise room pet peeves:

#5: Letting Weights Smash Together

My theory is, if you can’t let the weight come down slowly, you’re lifting too much. This may not be a completely correct line of thinking, as some people prefer a maxed out lifting regime, but no one in the gym wants to be startled by the loud sound of weights clashing against one another just cause some prick wants to be a big shot and overexert his lifting. I think a perfect punishment for this exercise foul would be a guillotine-style decapitation at the hands of someone lifting too much to let the weight down easily.

gym-cat

#4: Unneccesary Devices

The only device a person should be bringing to the gym with them is something to play music. I can’t count the number of times I see someone sitting on a piece of equipment, staring at their phone and either texting away or holding a long conversation with someone. If you want to do that, get out of the gym and let me have access to the equipment and a work out free of listening to your latest drama. I also despise the folks that bring a laptop to the gym, thinking everyone wants to hear their tunes, you master of human audial enjoyment. Worse is the person who watches a movie and has to awkwardly balance the machine as they exercise.

#3: Using Multiple Machines at Same Time

I know that some people like to work out by rapidly rotating through a few machines, but in a small gym like the Sip Advisor’s apartment has, that means that you’re using up a majority of the possible stations all for yourself and it’s hard for someone else to get in and do their own reps when you’re not sure when this person will be done and how long you might have to wait for your next set. What’s worse is if two people are swapping in and out of the same machine and are taking it up for long periods of time, largely because they’re spending more time chit chatting than pumping iron.

gym-treadmill

#2: Using Machines to Hold Possessions

I really don’t understand how people can be this rude. Do they not realize that others might want to use that bike or bench that they have their jacket laid out on… and on that note, why the hell did you bring a jacket to the weight room in the first place!? It’s not like you had to travel far to get there when it’s within the same building that you live. Did you have a need to look fashionable amongst people wearing kits stained with sweat? Oh, you want to rest your precious iPhone on a bike seat like it’s the freakin’ holy grail?… well, then don’t mind if I “accidentally” destroy it with my rockin’ gluteus maximus!

#1: Not Putting Equipment Away

This one really draws the Sip Advisor’s ire. How hard is it to return whatever equipment you used back to the place you found it? So many times, weights are strewn across the gym floor and mats and those stupid massive rubber balls are left to roam the room. What pisses me off the most is when I’m trying to put heavy weights away, but I’m blocked from getting as close as possible to the rack by a wall of discs and dumbbells, making me have to lurch in awkward ways to return what I was using. These folks are the worst of society and should be barred from the gym until they can prove their rehabilitation and good behaviour.

Super Saturday Shot Day: A-Sample

A-Sample Shot

  • 0.75 Zubrowka Vodka
  • 0.75 Gatorade
  • Garnish with Pills

I would never criticize how anyone chooses to work out (to each their own), but I do want to share one of the funnier exercise routines I’ve ever witnessed: Some dude came in and grabbed one of those big rubber balls before doing two whole sit-ups on it. He then went over to the bike and pedaled for about a minute, before hopping off and returning to the ball again for another pair of sit-ups. He finished with a handful of push-ups and left the gym… and the jerk never put that stupid ball away!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
Given the subject of today’s post, A-Sample (what athletes provide for drug testing) was the perfect shooter to pick for the article. Better yet, I wanted to make sure Gatorade was an ingredient and everything really came together. I used Zubrowka Vodka, because it’s made with Bison Grass and to the Sip Advisor, nothing says bulking up like Bison Grass. One problem is that the Gatorade is too light to cover the booze, but this is otherwise a decent shooter.

April 6 – Fire Extinguisher

Weapons of Destruction

Well, it’s WrestleMania weekend, the best time of the year for sports entertainment fanatics. When I heard about this shooter, the first thing I thought of was hardcore matches, where one wrestler would spray another in the face with a fire extinguisher. Always good for a laugh, let’s see if it works as a shot as well. But first, here are some other great wrestling weapon choices while we sip away:

Coconut

One of the most famous feuds of the 1980’s was started when ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper bashed Fijian Superfly’ Jimmy Snuka over the head with a coconut following a verbal lashing that would now be classified as racially-fueled. This defined the term “foreign object”… I mean, what is a coconut doing at a wrestling show anyway!?

Piper-Snuka

The angle may have been controversial, but they turned it into an action figure set, so I guess that makes it all okay.

Mannequin Head

Deranged wrestler (aren’t they all!) Al Snow was often seen talking to a mannequin head, which came in handy during matches where he needed an extra edge. I’m sure the head told Al it didn’t appreciate being used as a blunt object, but Al was so out of his mind he probably didn’t take into account his friend’s concerns.

Kitchen Sink

Ever heard the term, “Everything, but the kitchen sink”? Well, during a Good Housekeeping Match between misogynist Jeff Jarrett and woman wrestler (and later porn star… how’s that for women’s lib?) Chyna, even a kitchen sink was used – as well as a toilet seat, salad tongs, mixing bowl, and ironing board. The match ended with both competitors covered in flour and with Chyna becoming the first ever female Intercontinental Champion.

Snakes

Indiana Jones least favourite animal (and the Sip Advisor’s) has actually been used as a weapon in wrestling rings. Jake “The Snake” Roberts has on a few occasions used pythons and cobras to attack his opponents. The dastardly attack even backfired on him once, ending with a snake biting at his own neck.

Sega Genesis/Super Nintendo/Laptop

Hardcore icon New Jack was known for bringing an entire garbage bin filled with weapons to the ring with him for matches – well, they could more likely be classified as attacks. One of his trademark assaults involved placing a vintage video game system or laptop on his victim’s crotch before smashing it with a crutch of other swingable object.

new-jack

New Jack: definitely not the kind of guy you want taking a swing at your baws!

Payphone Handset

When The Rock (Hollywood star Dwayne Johnson) was battling with Mankind (best selling author Mick Foley… proving wrestlers actually are intelligent at times) over the WWE Title over a decade ago, the two met in a number of brutal encounters. One such match featured The Rock bashing Mankind in the head with a payphone handset while shouting “It’s for you!”

Tennis Racket

Manager Jim Cornette was rarely seen without his patented tennis racket and his opponents were seldom left unscathed when the ‘Louisville Slugger’ had a chance to wallop them behind the referees back. I wonder if he ever hit the court to play…

Urn

The legendary Undertaker – whose gimmick was that he was thought to be undead – was often ushered to the ring by his manager Paul Bearer, who was in possession of the urn said to contain The Undertaker’s ashes. Whether this story pans out or not, the urn was definitely used on multiple occasions to batter an opponent of ‘The Deadman’ and help secure a number of victories.

Drink #96: Fire Extinguisher

Fire Extinguisher Shot

Judging by the list above, it seems as if anything can be used as a weapon in the ring. I know wrestling isn’t everyone’s cup of tea (although who drinks tea around this site anyways? Well, maybe the Long Island version), but thank you for letting me relive some memories on this special weekend for all the Hulkamaniacs out there!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I really enjoyed this shooter. The burn of the Fireball Whiskey was quickly cooled by the creamy Bailey’s and a Cinnamon-Sugar rim is always welcomed by me. The addition of Red Hots completed the presentation wonderfully.