November 24 – Grasshopper

Big Crunch

While a crunching noise isn’t always a good thing (broken bone, car accident, etc.) for the most part, it is one of the most satisfying sounds in nature. Here are some of the many instances where you may crave that sweet auditory result!

Stepping on a Bug

I’m not one to commit frequent acts of insecticide, but there’s the odd time where even an accidental murder can sound pretty damn satisfying! It’s especially gratifying if the crime is committed on a vile pest: your spiders, silverfish, and roaches of the world. Just when a bug thinks they’ve outsmarted you and avoided your giant crushing abilities, SPLAT… and another one bites the dust!

cat_controls_bugs

Wad of Potato Chips

Picture yourself grapping a fat stack of potato chips, pinching them together and stuffing them into your mouth, ready to deliver an earthquake-like crunch that will completely satisfy all your desires and disturb every other person in your general vicinity. Now picture yourself doing that repeatedly until before you know it the bag of snack food is nothing more than crumbs. Now you’re getting a sad, yet wonderful glimpse of my life.

Head-Splitting Chair Shots

While the wrestling chair shot has been relegated to only being used against an opponent’s back (in trying to avoid concussions and all that jazz) we can still look fondly back to some of the greatest steel to skull bashings from the history of sports entertainment. If I had to pick a favourite from years of watching grapplers, I would have to select the time ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin cracked The Rock in the cranium, allowing Mankind to win his first ever WWE World Championship!

Glass-Shattering Body Checks

I perfectly-timed and –executed body check in hockey can bring the fans to their feet and pump up your own squad. But on thaty rare occasion when one player slams another right through a pane of Plexiglas meant to keep the action out of the stands… well, that’s a truly special moment. One of my favourite Vancouver Canucks of all-time, Trevor Linden, did exactly this, driving Jeff Norton into the unsuspecting crowd. Ever the gentleman, at the end of the video, you can see Linden going to check on Norton.

Fried Foods

There’s nothing like taking a massive bite into something deep fried and getting that sweet and satisfying crunching sound to go along with everything your palate is enjoying. Eating, when done properly, should stimulate all five senses: your smelling, seeing, feeling, and tasting the food are all quite obvious, but hearing plays a factor, as well. I’ve found I prefer most anything fried to a crisp. From sushi to chicken to fish and chips, and everything in between!

Playing in Leaves

Stomping around in dry, crunchy fallen leaves shouldn’t just be left to the kiddies. A highlight of each autumn was a spectacularly-choreographed wrestling match between Broski Sip and myself, after we’d huddled together a massive pile of leafs to serve as our mat. It’s the only time we ever really helped Pa Sip with housework around the yard. By the time we were done mucking about, we had to rake everything up again, but it was so totally worth it!

Drink #328: Grasshopper

Grasshopper Cocktail

  • 1 oz Crème de Cacao
  • 0.75 oz Crème de Menthe
  • Top with Milk
  • Garnish with Chocolate Sprinkles

The most satisfying crunch may be the exercise version (not that I’m advocating physical activity… ever!). What’s your favourite crunch-inducing action?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail smelled fantastic and tasted pretty good too. The Crème de Menthe might be a little too similar to a mouthwash and I might sub in Peppermint Schnapps in the future, but then the colour would be changed and I thought it looked neat, especially with the Chocolate Sprinkles as garnish. When making the martini, lean towards adding a little more Crème de Cacao over Crème de Menthe, despite it asking for equal portions.

April 6 – Fire Extinguisher

Weapons of Destruction

Well, it’s WrestleMania weekend, the best time of the year for sports entertainment fanatics. When I heard about this shooter, the first thing I thought of was hardcore matches, where one wrestler would spray another in the face with a fire extinguisher. Always good for a laugh, let’s see if it works as a shot as well. But first, here are some other great wrestling weapon choices while we sip away:

Coconut

One of the most famous feuds of the 1980’s was started when ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper bashed Fijian Superfly’ Jimmy Snuka over the head with a coconut following a verbal lashing that would now be classified as racially-fueled. This defined the term “foreign object”… I mean, what is a coconut doing at a wrestling show anyway!?

Piper-Snuka

The angle may have been controversial, but they turned it into an action figure set, so I guess that makes it all okay.

Mannequin Head

Deranged wrestler (aren’t they all!) Al Snow was often seen talking to a mannequin head, which came in handy during matches where he needed an extra edge. I’m sure the head told Al it didn’t appreciate being used as a blunt object, but Al was so out of his mind he probably didn’t take into account his friend’s concerns.

Kitchen Sink

Ever heard the term, “Everything, but the kitchen sink”? Well, during a Good Housekeeping Match between misogynist Jeff Jarrett and woman wrestler (and later porn star… how’s that for women’s lib?) Chyna, even a kitchen sink was used – as well as a toilet seat, salad tongs, mixing bowl, and ironing board. The match ended with both competitors covered in flour and with Chyna becoming the first ever female Intercontinental Champion.

Snakes

Indiana Jones least favourite animal (and the Sip Advisor’s) has actually been used as a weapon in wrestling rings. Jake “The Snake” Roberts has on a few occasions used pythons and cobras to attack his opponents. The dastardly attack even backfired on him once, ending with a snake biting at his own neck.

Sega Genesis/Super Nintendo/Laptop

Hardcore icon New Jack was known for bringing an entire garbage bin filled with weapons to the ring with him for matches – well, they could more likely be classified as attacks. One of his trademark assaults involved placing a vintage video game system or laptop on his victim’s crotch before smashing it with a crutch of other swingable object.

new-jack

New Jack: definitely not the kind of guy you want taking a swing at your baws!

Payphone Handset

When The Rock (Hollywood star Dwayne Johnson) was battling with Mankind (best selling author Mick Foley… proving wrestlers actually are intelligent at times) over the WWE Title over a decade ago, the two met in a number of brutal encounters. One such match featured The Rock bashing Mankind in the head with a payphone handset while shouting “It’s for you!”

Tennis Racket

Manager Jim Cornette was rarely seen without his patented tennis racket and his opponents were seldom left unscathed when the ‘Louisville Slugger’ had a chance to wallop them behind the referees back. I wonder if he ever hit the court to play…

Urn

The legendary Undertaker – whose gimmick was that he was thought to be undead – was often ushered to the ring by his manager Paul Bearer, who was in possession of the urn said to contain The Undertaker’s ashes. Whether this story pans out or not, the urn was definitely used on multiple occasions to batter an opponent of ‘The Deadman’ and help secure a number of victories.

Drink #96: Fire Extinguisher

Fire Extinguisher Shot

Judging by the list above, it seems as if anything can be used as a weapon in the ring. I know wrestling isn’t everyone’s cup of tea (although who drinks tea around this site anyways? Well, maybe the Long Island version), but thank you for letting me relive some memories on this special weekend for all the Hulkamaniacs out there!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I really enjoyed this shooter. The burn of the Fireball Whiskey was quickly cooled by the creamy Bailey’s and a Cinnamon-Sugar rim is always welcomed by me. The addition of Red Hots completed the presentation wonderfully.