December 22 – The North Pole

Sweater Shop

In recent years, ugly Christmas sweaters have become more of a popular theme for holiday parties. Some offices will even host an annual competition with employees showing off their hard-on-the-eyes winter warmers. Here are some of the funniest entries I was able to locate!

Operation Red Nose

This gives a whole new meaning to Operation Red Nose! It takes a lot of balls (or in this case ovaries) to wear an outfit likes this. It’s not so much that the top is ugly… just bizarre. I bet that nose becomes quite the target at any party she goes to and I pray she never chooses this wardrobe for going to the clubs… guys on the dance floor are big enough losers without falling all over themselves for stuff like this.

Joy to the World

If this is what they meant, I don’t want to wish joy to the world! This guy looks incredibly uncomfortable and I’m not sure if that’s because of the sweater or his weight. Perhaps he hasn’t left that couch for ages and he’s still dawning this sweater despite the photo being taken in mid summer. Quit staring and make him some fried chicken.

Frosty's Nose

I feel bad for women. When they are depicted as being droopy, it means saggy breasts… but when a dude is just as droopy, it means a massively large member. This guy’s sweater could be misinterpreted as Frosty throwing up in the middle of a keg stand. If these two get close together does that put the sweater snowmen in a compromising 69 position?

Santa's Elves

It’s never a good idea to put your face on a shirt… let alone an ugly Christmas sweater. How are either of these octogenarians supposed to cheat on their spouse when they’re wearing each other’s faces!? I find it funny that the woman has the exact same smile in her sweater photo that she’s offering to the camera person here, too. If Mrs. Sip and I ever wear matching clothes, it’s time to consider a separation.

Sleeveless

I’m not sure I’m a fan of the sleeveless look. No wait, I’m definitely not a fan of the sleeveless look. It’s not very functional either, as the moment you step outside into the frigid air, you’re going to be pretty damn cold! Sure, this guy has a lot of beef on him to help keep him warm, but I just don’t think it would be enough and perhaps that’s all for the best.

Drink #356: The North Pole

The North Pole Drink Recipe

  • 1.5 oz Grey Goose Cherry Noir
  • 0.5 oz Peppermint Schnapps
  • Top with Milk
  • Squirt of Chocolate Syrup
  • Garnish with a Candy Cane

Always looking for a good laugh, I appreciate all these folk’s self-deprecating efforts. If you know of some even uglier Christmas sweaters, send them the Sip Advisor’s way and give me a good chuckle!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
My version of the cocktail didn’t turn out as dark as others I have seen online (I should have used a little more Chocolate Syrup), but it tasted decent and really, that’s the most important element of a cocktail. I’ve really enjoyed using all these Candy Canes in the various cocktails presented through the 25 Days of Christmas.

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November 24 – Grasshopper

Big Crunch

While a crunching noise isn’t always a good thing (broken bone, car accident, etc.) for the most part, it is one of the most satisfying sounds in nature. Here are some of the many instances where you may crave that sweet auditory result!

Stepping on a Bug

I’m not one to commit frequent acts of insecticide, but there’s the odd time where even an accidental murder can sound pretty damn satisfying! It’s especially gratifying if the crime is committed on a vile pest: your spiders, silverfish, and roaches of the world. Just when a bug thinks they’ve outsmarted you and avoided your giant crushing abilities, SPLAT… and another one bites the dust!

cat_controls_bugs

Wad of Potato Chips

Picture yourself grapping a fat stack of potato chips, pinching them together and stuffing them into your mouth, ready to deliver an earthquake-like crunch that will completely satisfy all your desires and disturb every other person in your general vicinity. Now picture yourself doing that repeatedly until before you know it the bag of snack food is nothing more than crumbs. Now you’re getting a sad, yet wonderful glimpse of my life.

Head-Splitting Chair Shots

While the wrestling chair shot has been relegated to only being used against an opponent’s back (in trying to avoid concussions and all that jazz) we can still look fondly back to some of the greatest steel to skull bashings from the history of sports entertainment. If I had to pick a favourite from years of watching grapplers, I would have to select the time ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin cracked The Rock in the cranium, allowing Mankind to win his first ever WWE World Championship!

Glass-Shattering Body Checks

I perfectly-timed and –executed body check in hockey can bring the fans to their feet and pump up your own squad. But on thaty rare occasion when one player slams another right through a pane of Plexiglas meant to keep the action out of the stands… well, that’s a truly special moment. One of my favourite Vancouver Canucks of all-time, Trevor Linden, did exactly this, driving Jeff Norton into the unsuspecting crowd. Ever the gentleman, at the end of the video, you can see Linden going to check on Norton.

Fried Foods

There’s nothing like taking a massive bite into something deep fried and getting that sweet and satisfying crunching sound to go along with everything your palate is enjoying. Eating, when done properly, should stimulate all five senses: your smelling, seeing, feeling, and tasting the food are all quite obvious, but hearing plays a factor, as well. I’ve found I prefer most anything fried to a crisp. From sushi to chicken to fish and chips, and everything in between!

Playing in Leaves

Stomping around in dry, crunchy fallen leaves shouldn’t just be left to the kiddies. A highlight of each autumn was a spectacularly-choreographed wrestling match between Broski Sip and myself, after we’d huddled together a massive pile of leafs to serve as our mat. It’s the only time we ever really helped Pa Sip with housework around the yard. By the time we were done mucking about, we had to rake everything up again, but it was so totally worth it!

Drink #328: Grasshopper

Grasshopper Cocktail

  • 1 oz Crème de Cacao
  • 0.75 oz Crème de Menthe
  • Top with Milk
  • Garnish with Chocolate Sprinkles

The most satisfying crunch may be the exercise version (not that I’m advocating physical activity… ever!). What’s your favourite crunch-inducing action?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail smelled fantastic and tasted pretty good too. The Crème de Menthe might be a little too similar to a mouthwash and I might sub in Peppermint Schnapps in the future, but then the colour would be changed and I thought it looked neat, especially with the Chocolate Sprinkles as garnish. When making the martini, lean towards adding a little more Crème de Cacao over Crème de Menthe, despite it asking for equal portions.