May 27 – Yellow Strawberry

Posted on May 27, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Beatle Mania

If you combine The Beatles “Yellow Submarine” and “Strawberry Fields Forever”, you would get a Yellow Strawberry, the name of today’s cocktail. Call that a mash-up, if you will. Here are some other very interesting mash-ups using The Beatles extensive library:

Whole Lotta Helter Skelter – Led Zeppelin vs. The Beatles

I had to include a song that mashed my two favourite bands and this is a pretty good mix. The guitar work on Zeppelin’s Whole Lotta Love is some of the best you’ll ever hear and it nicely compliments The Beatles Helter Skelter.

The Beatles vs. MGMT

It’s always interesting to see how The Beatles classic rock songs mix with contemporary artists and different genres of music. The psychedelic rock band MGMT provides a nice background for The Beatles nostalgic “In My Life”.

Beatles Mashup Medley

While it’s kind of a clusterfuck of a song, it’s also neat how they put all the different combos together and if you watch the bottom right hand corner, they always update you as to what exactly is being mixed.

Fat Bottomed Girls Come Together – Queen vs. The Beatles

Another pairing of two classic rock legendary bands. I found that these two songs went pretty seamlessly together. Who doesn’t want Fat Bottomed Girls to Come Together!?

Beatles vs. LCD Soundsystem vs. The Kinks

It’s a feat in and of itself to combine the works of two musicians into one song, but this track throws in an extra tune just for added difficulty points. I like the energy that’s maintained throughout this mash-up.

Beatles vs. Pink Floyd

One more for the road! I was surprised at how well these two songs mixed together, but I guess that’s the whole point of mashing songs together. Always remember: If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding!

Drink #147: Yellow Strawberry

Muddled Strawberries
1 oz White Rum (I used Bacardi)
0.75 oz Crème de Banane
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Strawberry Wedge

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
While it looked cool, it disappointed the palate. Perhaps it was the way I made the cocktail with Muddled Strawberries, but something was off. The Crème de Banane was heavily noticeable, which is usually a good thing. I’m still trying to solve this mystery.

May 26 – Rusty Nail

Posted on May 26, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Scar Tissue

I think scars are kind of neat. They’re not always the most appealing feature to look at, but they are a landmark of sorts for life events and are almost always accompanied by a story – sometimes funny, sometimes tragic. I’ve often thought that compiling a book about scar stories would be an interesting idea for profiling human interest accounts. That said, here are the tales behind the scars that line my body and have dotted my journey.

Thigh

When I was just a little sipper, I was always trying to help around the house. That’s just how awesome I was. Whether it was licking cookie batter off spoons or providing my parents with a daily exercise regimen, chasing me around the park, I was always willing to lend a helping hand. At Christmas, when I was about three or four, I was trying to help Papa Sip gather some wood for a roaring fire (we didn’t have those fancy gas fireplaces in my young days).

Not being as careful as I am with things nowadays (Mrs. Sip would disagree after witnessing my balcony and bungee jumping ways) I picked up a slab of wood and when I went to boost it up with my leg going up our back porch stairs, a nail dug into my left thigh, slicing it open. It wasn’t a deep wound or anything, but it still left a wide scar. It is a constant reminder to be vigilant when helping others. The lazy guy in me just begging to get out (except that he’s so darn lazy) has told me before that this is what I get for assisting friends and family and that it’s just safer to not do so.

Middle Finger

Well, if this isn’t a slam dunk case of boys will be boys (or kids will be stupid), I don’t know what is. When I was 7 or 8, my parents were getting together with friends of theirs. They had a son about my age, so him, myself and Broski Sip were playing in their backyard. We decided we wanted to build a haunted house – stupid, I know… it was probably May, too – and were using tools like hammers, saws and yes, even an axe. I suppose I put myself in charge of keeping things clean, wiping the stump we were chopping away at every few minutes. The OCD in me must have flared up and as I went to swipe one more bit of stray sawdust out of the way, the axe came down on the middle finger of my right hand. I almost literally gave someone the finger.

Thankfully, the weaponry was being swung by a fellow child, but the finger was sliced pretty deep. We were also in luck that one of my parent’s friends was a nurse and she was able to clean and bandage the wound sufficiently. The last bit of good news was it was a Saturday and Hockey Night in Canada was on, so once I calmed down from the shock of the whole incident, I was able to lay back and watch some stick and puck.

Kidney

When I was 11, Mama Sip got really sick while we were visiting Disneyland. As much as that sucked, when we returned from our holiday, she was told that she needed to have one of her kidneys removed. She was also told her condition might be hereditary. Sure enough, it was, as I was also in need of a kidney removal (or a right nephrectomy if we want to get all scientifical). Shortly after I turned 12, I had my operation. Lucky for me, the ailment was caught so early that it has not continued to affect me.

Losing my kidney came with positives and negatives. I got a month off from school, was pampered during that time, and had a wicked scar that the ladies were surprisingly into when I returned to classes. I also went through a growth spurt once the nonfunctioning organ was eliminated. On the flip side, I had to quit playing hockey as it was hard to get insured to play once body contact started. All in all, it largely made me who I am today and I think Sip Nation would agree, in the end, that’s a good thing.

Drink #146: Rusty Nail

1.5 oz Drambuie
1.5 oz Scotch
Garnish with a Lemon Twist

I consider myself lucky that I only have three scars and really only the kidney one is noticeable. Tell me your scar story or stories. Perhaps I’ll one day get around to publishing that work and we’ll all be famous!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
The first sip of this drink didn’t go over as well as I had hoped. Once I let it sit for a moment, the Scotch diluted a little thanks to the ice, which allowed the Drambuie to come through better. This resulted in the cocktail’s score jumping from 3 to 3.5.

May 24 – Flirtini

Posted on May 24, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Man Made, Woman Approved

Richard Christy, heavy metal drummer and writer for The Howard Stern Show enjoys the Flirtini, but calls it the Viking Testicle to man-up the drink a little more. With that in mind, here are my suggestions for turning a girly drink into a manly one.

First, we should define what exactly a girly drink is and what constitutes a man’s beverage. A girly drink has been defined as anything that comes in colours red, pink, and purple and may contain bubbly and copious amounts of fruit. A man’s beverage, on the other hand, should be made up of hues like clear, black, brown and grey and garnishes be damned! I guess yellow counts too, but only if in beer form. The rest of the colour wheel is kind of a neutral no-man’s land. Those who swing both ways have access to all the colours of the rainbow.

Now onto how to disguise your favourite bevvy… because nothing says man-made more than a little fabrication:

Manly vs. Girly… which is which?

Lie About Ingredients

Just because your friends can see what colour your drink is, doesn’t mean they know what’s in it. Instead of champagne, say it’s ginger ale. If they question why you’re pouring yourself some cranberry juice, kindly correct them that it’s actually plasma and you’re a new breed of vampire. Yeah, that should work well.

Change the Name

Instead of a Cosmo, order a Blood Bucket. Sure, the bartender might not know what the hell you’re talking about, but you’ll maintain your manly appearance. Also, try to remember to grunt while ordering and if at all possible, neglect to wear any deodorant or cologne, while working up a good sweat en route to the bar.

Mix it with Beer

For some reason, beer is viewed as one of the manliest drinks out there. I don’t get how a usually 5% alcoholic beverage compares with all these cocktails that use 40% alcohols and above, but I don’t write the rules… yet. When I AM elected to the World Liquor Council, there will be sweeping changes to the Drinker’s Code and alcoholism will never, ever be the same again.

Slam the Drink

It doesn’t matter what it is, just make sure it’s in your stomach preferably before it’s set down on the table or bar. Then, proceed to let out a wicked burp and order another round. When that drink comes, repeat the earlier process and continue doing so until everyone at the table is convinced you’re an asshole and you no longer receive invites to their gatherings. That’s when you know you’ve really made an impression.

Shoot it Out

When ordering a girly drink, also ask the barkeep for six shot glasses. If you’re quick to pour your Bellini in the six shot glasses, no one will have any clue what the contents are. Then, down all six in a matter of seconds! Women will flock to you like some sort of pheromone and some dude will probably want to fight you, but these are the ups and downs that come with being a stud.

Don’t Garnish Anything

I can get away with garnishing because I’m so wicked awesome, but most dudes walking around with a cornucopia of fruit hanging from their cocktail just can’t pull it off. Lemon and lime wedges are the only acceptable man garnish and even those border on the edge of femininity. Just makes sure you drop whatever garnish is attached to your drink into the glass as soon as humanly possible.

Smash the Empty Glass Over Your Head

While this is certainly taking things to extremes, no one will doubt how man-tastic you really are if you give yourself some permanent scarring and draw a little red for the ladies. If you’re too much of a pretty boy, you do have the option of throwing your glass to the floor, but the inherent risk here is starting a glass shard fight or a Jewish wedding.

Drink #144: Flirtini/Viking Testicle

1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka
Top with Champagne
Splash of Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Raspberries

I guess what I’m trying to point out with this post is that it’s okay to like “girly” drinks. Just make sure you mix in the odd MAN-tini to even yourself out!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes: (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I didn’t really enjoy this cocktail. First of all, I’m not the biggest bubbly fan and I never will be. I also think that something about my proportions were off and the mix could have been better. A teaspoon of sugar might have balanced the drink out more and given it some more points.

May 23 – Orange Tundra

Posted on May 23, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Vodka Not-To-Playlist

I was looking forward to doing my monthly playlist based on the alcohol of the week, but that enthusiasm was quickly dashed when I could only dig up a few vodka-related songs. Worse yet, I have an inkling that all these tunes will suck harder than a black hole. Shall we have a listen together, for the first ever, in the long history of music, Not-To-Playlist?

VODKA by Korpilklaani

This Euro metal band also has songs about tequila and beer. I can’t understand a word they’re saying and I think that’s only partly because they’re not speaking English. Well, I do understand one word and that would be “vodka”, which they repeat often. The tune isn’t too bad, all things considered and the accordion addition is an interesting touch. Clearly these guy like to drink and I’m down with that.

The Vodka Song by Seamus Moore

I guess you’d call this a folk song!? I have no clue. Again, the song is okay, but I almost long for the days of songs in languages I couldn’t understand… like the one above. Also, why is an Irish dude singing about vodka. Shouldn’t he be concentrating on the Irish traditions of whiskey and stout beer?

Black Vodka by Ja Rule

Oh good, this is the “album version“… I guess that means that it’s better??? If this is a better version of the song, I hope they destroyed all the copies of any other takes of the track. Wow, this tune goes on for five whole minutes. That’s five whole minutes I’ll never get back. Eh, I probably would have wasted the time anyway watching infomercials or opening junk mail.

Drink #143: Orange Tundra

1.5 oz Vodka (I used Bols)
0.5 oz Kahlua
Top with half Cream Soda and half Orange Juice
Garnish with Orange Wedge

A key note for this cocktail is to not stir any of the ingredients, which results in the awesome look you see above. If anyone out there in Sip Nation can find a GOOD vodka song I wasn’t able to, please pass it along so that future generations will have something to jam to while getting their vodka blitz on!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was a pleasure to the taste buds and eyes. The Orange Tundra features the coming together of a bunch of different flavours – Kahlua, Cream Soda, Orange Juice – that tastes good and looks great. There was a party in my mouth and everyone was invited!

May 22 – Greyhound

Posted on May 22, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

The Great Debate

Gin and vodka have long waged a war over liquor supremacy. For example, many arguments have taken place over whether a true martini should be made with gin or vodka. Years ago, vodka surpassed gin and when it did so, a number of cocktails that used to feature the juniper tasting alcohol began a metamorphosis, which included a new name. Today we look at gin names vs. vodka names and I play god and decide which one is better.

The battle often wages within the same company…

Salty Dog (Gin) vs. Greyhound (Vodka) – Winner: Greyhound

For some reason I’m perturbed by the name Salty Dog. I have no clue where this aversion lies within me, but I just don’t like the name. It’s a drink I was planning to make for Gin Week last month, but when I discovered that there was a vodka version with a more palatable name (to me at least… and I’m calling the shots), I made some edits to my calendar. And that brings us to today!

Martini (Gin) vs. Kangaroo (Vodka) – Winner: Martini

I do love me some barbecued kangaroo, but I’m afraid that’s not enough to sway this judge. I gotta go with the original Martini in this case. Many alcohol lovers will tell you that if it’s not made of gin and vermouth, it’s just not a Martini, no matter what kind of glass you serve it in. While I don’t completely agree with this line of logic, I do respect their opinion. After all, I already have enough enemies as it is.

The Gin Army

Ruddy Mary (Gin) vs. Bloody Mary (Vodka) – Winner: Bloody Mary

This one isn’t even close, as you have a classic cocktail matched up against a relatively unknown drink. That said, I would like to try the gin version of the libation and see how it compares to the vodka option. I wonder how it might have changed my perception of the Bakon Bloody Mary I made last month, although we would have tragically lost the bacon essence with the removal of Bakon Vodka.

Negroni (Gin) vs. Negroski (Vodka) – Winner: Draw

This one was tough to judge. On one hand, you have the famous drink, Negroni, but on the other hand, when vodka is substituted, you have a pretty cool name in Negroski. In a rare Sip Advisor move, I decided to call it a draw. I know, having no outcome is like kissing your sister – or at least that’s how the sports pundits always put it. Tell ya what, I’ll flip a coin… if only I could find one.

The Vodka Troops

Tom Collins (Gin) vs. Vodka Collins (Vodka) – Winner: Tom Collins

Much like the Bloody vs. Ruddy Mary, this one took little time to make a decision. The Tom Collins is one of my favourite drinks and I can’t even fathom changing up the way I make them (see Cool Collins). Looking back, I guess I changed the name and recipe, too. Well, now my entire world is upside down. Thankfully, I’ve always been skilled at standing on my head. And we just keep on rolling.

Gin & Tonic (Gin) vs. Vodka Tonic (Vodka) – Winner: Neither

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: I don’t much care for Tonic Water. Therefore, both competitors have been disqualified and given lifetime bans from the sport.

Gin & Juice (Gin) vs. Screwdriver (Vodka) – Winner: Gin & Juice

While I’ve always been a fan of good drink names and the Screwdriver is among my favourites, I feel if I didn’t pick Gin & Juice, that Snoop Dogg would put a hit out on your national hero, the Sip Advisor. While I maintain that I ain’t ‘fraid of no ghosts, I am deathly scared of gats and I therefore settle the case in favour of Mr. Dogg. His drink also comes with a sweet song, so there’s that little caveat.

Drink #142: Greyhound

Rim glass with Salt
1.5 oz Vodka (I used Pinnacle Citrus)
Top with Grapefruit Juice
Garnish with Lemon and Lime Wedges

It’s incredible that gin and vodka can be so interchangeable, despite their very different tastes. Perhaps we should all just call a truce between the two alcohols, drink a Vesper (which combines both gin and vodka) and declare this the best summer of love EVER! Then again, the Vesper features three parts gin to one part vodka… this feud will never be over…

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I was looking forward to trying this drink, despite not being a fan of Grapefruit Juice. I’ve always liked salted rims, so that probably helped in my enjoyment of the cocktail and as I figured, all the ingredients came together to make a nice mix.

May 21 – Prickly Pear

Posted on May 21, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Vodkommercialization

There are some great vodka ads out there. Whether in print, video, or hell, even the dead art of radio, the liquor is well represented and here are some of the best examples I was able to find (in photos only):

Mrs. Sip and I both really enjoy this Van Gogh Vodka ad campaign. My particular favourite is the one about women not getting their panties in a bunch because they’re rocking it commando style! The company makes a very valid point with this ad and I believe that all us gentlemen should support such a cause. Perhaps we should even host charity functions to get the message out.

And some of us have too many vices to list! One of them is in the above ad… good lord I love typography! While I haven’t heard of this vodka brand before, this message will remain with me until it’s pushed out of my mind by other useless junk and I will keep my eyes open for it until then. If it comes with one of those blindfold thingies, it may make the perfect night out combo!

Yeah, I would definitely have a drink with me. I would also certainly have a drink with Hugh Hefner. You could ask him to divulge the secret of how he’s been so awesome for so long. I mean, the guy was dating three young, hot women at the same time. I can barely handle one lady and this octogenarian was keeping up with three girls that could have been his great granddaughters.

It’s a little hard to read, but the text next to the woman says “Nothing warms me up like Effen by the fire.” I’ve seen some losers post complaints about the name of this vodka. I personally think it’s clever. It will definitely stick with you as you try to choose one brand from the many that are available. Plus it provides an almost unending number of advertising possibilities, like the ones seen above.

These ladies and I practiced ‘O’ faces all night long until we finally had it right. Three Olives has so many crazy flavours and they have ads similar to the ones above for each concoction. There’s even one that features a dude… hey, I’m all for equal opportunity. But who really wants to see a guy’s ‘O’ face? Let’s face it, we don’t pull it off as well as the ladies. Why do you think we’re usually the ones behind the camera!

Drink #141: Prickly Pear

1.5 oz Pear Vodka (I used Absolut)
0.5 oz Triple Sec
0.5 oz Blue Curacao
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Pear Slice

I really enjoyed this look at vodka advertisements and I hope all you little sippers did, too. In the future, I hope to design my own vodka and with it, a series of commercials that feature inanimate objects being attracted to the libation. Just wait until I release the storyboards… it’s going to be a doozy!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
The pear is certainly not near the top of my favourite fruit list, but I was intrigued by Pear Vodka and this drink was decent. However, there are a lot of different flavours competing for your attention, drowning each other out, which isn’t how I like my drinks.

May 20 – Sex on the Beach

Posted on May 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Making Whoopee

I certainly don’t advocate getting freaky along the shoreline. What with all that sand that could wind up literally anywhere. I don’t even like sand getting in between my toes, so I would abhor the substance being wedged betwixt my buttocks. While I’d like to think that any setting provides a good opportunity for doing the down and dirty, here are some other places you might want to avoid:

Airplane Bathroom

Getting two people crammed into this very tight space would be a modern miracle. Then, putting up with the stench the last guy left for you long enough to finish your business would be a performance of Iron Man proportions. I know that a lot of folks want to join the “Mile High Club”, but is it really worth all the coordination and effort. My advice is to keep it on the ground, unless you’re ever financially set enough to have your own private plane. In that case, go nuts… literally!

Theme Park Ride

Perhaps this was more achievable many years ago when cameras weren’t everywhere and security was more lax. Today, you never really know where people are located on rides, hidden in the darkness and making sure riders follow all the rules. I remember being on Splash Mountain once and I had the double-wide backseat to myself with Mrs. Sip in front. Just before the big drop she tried to slide back to sit with me (not to do anything sensual, but just because it’s fun to sit together heading into the briar patch), until some dude emerged from the shadows, scaring the bejesus out of both of us. Mrs. Sip promptly returned to her assigned spot and as soon as we finished the attraction, we got the eff out of dodge.

Forest

Unless you want to go home with sap and pine needles pasted all over your body (similar to stripper pasties, but tougher to remove… as if I have comprehensive knowledge of the devices), the forest may not be the best place to find an intimate moment. Sure it provides the two elements that the above entries lack – privacy and spaciousness – but it’s not the cleanliest of settings. If you thrive on getting dirty, in all manner and senses, then go wild!

Dance Floor

I know with all the raunchy bumpin’ and grindin’ that occurs at the clubs nowadays, it’s hard not getting all hot and bothered. I can remember many times (and I am far from a clubbing regular) where a guy and a girl were getting really physical with each other, likely thinking everybody was doing their own thing and not paying them attention. On the contrary, every single person on the dance floor stopped en masse and was watching this exhibit of primal passion. Might as well give them a golf clap for their efforts.

Body of Water

Surely, someone will die during your exploits in the H2O. Whether it is from drowning or the always hilarious going over a waterfall, one or both of you are not going to have a very good time. With questions regarding the purity of nearly every body of water on earth today, is that really something you want to be trifling in. Remember, that’s where fishies pee!

Playground

Talk about rockin’ out teeter-totter style! The problem with a playground is that there’s too many apparatus options, all of which carry a high degree of risk and injury. You could go down the slide together, but one of you would surely topple over the other. You could try the swings, but one or both of you will be compelled to jump into the rough gravel below. Finally, there’s the fire pole, but that will just ruin all of your memories of the classic Batman live action show, not to mention some kind of chaffing with all that exposed skin.

Drink #140: Sex on the Beach

1.5 oz Vodka (I used Smirnoff Blueberry)
1 oz Peach Schnapps
Top with half Orange Juice and half Cranberry Juice
Garnish with a Mandarin Orange Slice

I like that the mocktail versions of this drink can be referred to as Safe Sex on the Beach, Dry Humping on the Beach, or Virgins on the Beach. Perhaps this is the only way to safely traverse through the world of sexual discovery… but you won’t have nearly as much fun!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I like the Peach Schnapps taste, despite not being a peach fruit fan. This was a very enjoyable martini that would be awesome poolside or, as the drink advises, on the beach! I regret not putting a cocktail umbrella into the drink as that would be a perfect finishing touch.

May 19 – Kamikaze

Posted on May 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Voducation

It’s the start of Vodka Week here at The Sip and as we’ve done in the past, day one is all about educating ourselves. I will play the role of teacher and as per usual, you my little sippers will be my eager pupils, taking in the breadth of my knowledge (or at least what I could scour from the internet). There will be a test at the end, so please pay attention. Ah, what do I care, let’s go through the motions of the lesson plan and get drunk!

Northern, Eastern and Central Europe – Russia, Poland, Ukraine, Belarus, Scandinavian countries, Latvia, Lithuania, etc. – is known as the Vodka Belt because these countries are the historic home of the spirit as well as the area where it is most consumed worldwide. Sure beats living in America’s Bible Belt! Imagine you could actually have a belt that was filled with vodka and had an extendable straw you could pull out to access the alcohol… I call dibs on the franchising rights. Lucky for me, I’m on my way to many of these countries at the moment during a Scandinavian cruise! (I see lots of vodka in my foreseeable future!)

Vodka gets its name from the Russian word ‘voda’, which translates to mean water. I have it on good authority that Russians actually drink vodka like IT IS water and are practically raised on the stuff. That’s pretty badass, as they’re running around with mickeys as bottles, while us North Americans are deciding how much Nesquik to put in our milk.

Vodka is considered to be the purest alcohol in the world thanks to its distillation process and lack of fusel oils.

While vodka can be blamed for too numerous injuries and deaths to count, the libation can also have many positive medical effects. It is known to keep arteries strong and clear, while also keeping drinkers cholesterol down. It can also be used to heal cold sores and fever and stave off strokes, heart attacks and Alzheimer’s Disease.

Before 1885, vodka was only sold in buckets of12.3 litres at a time. You could bathe in that much booze and apparently in Poland they did, as vodka was originally scented and used as after shave. Could this be why Mrs. Sip’s legs smell so good? She is part Polish, after all!

Vodka has a ton of other uses, such as being a disinfectant that is strong enough to clean bathrooms. I find this to be a two-fold problem. First, who has the money to overpay on cleaning products and second, that’s just a lot of wasted liquor. In a pinch, though, if you have company coming over and have used your entire budget on entertainment goods, I guess you could pull off the clean sweep using vodka. As early as the 15th century, the liquor was even used in gunpowder manufacturing by Sweden.

There are actually Vodka museums in St. Petersburg, Moscow, Stockholm, and Amsterdam.

Today, nearly anything you can think of has been turned into a flavoured vodka. There’s bacon, smoked salmon, Froot Loop, cupcake, marshmallow, and the list is endless. Companies like Smirnoff, Absolut, Three Olives, and Pinnacle have the flavoured vodka market cornered, but even top shelf spirits like Grey Goose and Van Gogh have delved into the exotic vodka flavours.

Drink #139: Kamikaze

1.5 oz Vodka (I used Pinnacle Cherry Lemonade)
1 oz Triple Sec
Splash of Lime Juice
Garnish with a Lime Wheel

So, let’s get into our best Vodka Belt mood and party ‘til the sun comes up! And what if it’s that time of year where the sun never comes up, you ask? Then you better have some longevity when it comes to your boozing!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I like that this is a vodka version of a margarita. I took the shot recipe and turned it into a delicious, refreshing drink, perfect for summer. The Cherry Lemonade Vodka was a nice touch, with Cherry flavour coming through in the aftertaste.

May 15 – Atone-Mint

Posted on May 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Making Amends

I’ve been a bad, bad boy and the TV court judges – your Judys, Joe Browns, and the like – have sentenced me to atone for my sundry misdeeds. And there are a lot of them:

I am the legendary D.B. Cooper

That’s right, my little sippers. At the ripe age of minus-12, I boarded Northwest Orient Airlines Flight 305 and made off with $200,000. I promptly blew the money on baby food and diapers for my impending birth more than a decade later. For me, it was all about the thrill. All the fame and notoriety that followed was icing on the cake, although like Batman, I could never soak up the adulation.

I am the cause of power outages

Because of the massive amounts of electricity that flows through my body, I am a surge protector’s worst nightmare. Take all the electricity-based super villians – Electro, Shocker, Livewire – put them together and they still have nothing on me. You can ask Mrs. Sip… every time I touch her she gets shocked. I laugh a boisterous bad guy laugh, she lets out a soft whimper, and that’s the end of our foreplay!

I failed to stop the vampire craze

When I was younger, I took it upon myself to patrol the online message boards of the vast and lawless internet. I was one part Steve McGarrett from Hawaii 5-0 and two parts Carl Winslow from Family Matters. My assignment, which I chose to accept, was to kibosh any positive talk about the return of any “monster” movies. Frankenstein – never stood a chance; Wolfman – pssh, please… I slipped up, though. I figured no one would ever get so obsessed with vampires again. So, yes, I am to blame for all the Twilights, the True Bloods, the Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunters. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking about where I went wrong. Frighteningly, my tears are those creepy vampire blood ones…

I am the reason sneezes sometimes don’t come out

Don’t you hate it when that happens? It’s worse than being stuck in a car after drinking a Big Gulp with no restroom in sight. Well, friends, I’m to blame for your lack of release (that’s what she said). You see, this all began when I was just a young’un. I took great delight in distracting people just as they were about to sneeze and as we all know, that precious moment can pass quickly. As I grew older, I had to be stealthier with these attacks. Not many people will hit a devious kid, but a punk teenager should be throttled if justified. This behavior has continued into my adult years and now I’m able to do it telepathically, having refined my skills to such an nth degree.

I am to blame for potato chip price inflation

This one is all about supply and demand. Prices go up because I destroy much of the supply and there’s still a huge demand for the salty, delicious snack. Thankfully, my sponsors (not the AA type, although if there were a Chipoholics anonymous, I might be their first patron) keep me well stocked and in the chippy-filled lifestyle to which I have become accustomed.

Global warming… you can pin that on me, too

My sincerest apologies to the polar ice caps… I’m just so damn hot that I’m warming up this little world of ours and causing melting of massive chunks of ice. The Game of Thrones Northerners would be so pissed with me. They keep saying that “winter is coming”, but not as long as I’m around. I’m trying to reduce my thermal excretions (wow, that sounds so unsexy), particularly for all the animals I’d be affecting. I love penguins, polar bears, and such and will do everything in my power to see that they are safe and comfortable.

Drink #135: Atone-Mint

Muddle Mint, Strawberries and Lemon Wedges
1.5 oz Blueberry Vodka (I used Smirnoff)
Splash of Lemon Juice
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda

What I really need to apologize for is for being so awesome. Not only can the club not handle me, but most of the world just can’t compete at my level. I leave it all on the floor, day-in, day-out.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was really enjoyable. The Blueberry Vodka was a nice twist in a Mojito-style cocktail and having so much muddled goodness floating around gave the beverage a wicked presentation. This will be a wonderful summer selection and I can’t wait for the sun to come back and party for a while!

May 14 – Time for a Change?

Posted on May 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Politically Declined

To sum up quickly, I hate elections, politicians and basically everything having to do with the political process.

I feel that government doesn’t do very much, what it does accomplish takes way too long to get done, and when it finally gets done, then we go and repeal it anyway. I would never trust a politician further than I could throw them… unless it was hilariously off a cliff Wile E. Coyote style!

Elections are the worst time of the year. Our news is inundated with one group of politicians going on about stupid things other politicians have done such as riding transit without a ticket or running a red light while taking their son to an early morning hockey practice, all presumably in an attempt to sway voters who won’t bother to actually look up the various parties’ platforms. With a multitude of rainbow signs going up everywhere you look and TV commercials interrupting my programming, I just want to take a three-month nap and avoid the whole scenario. And don’t even get me started on the annoying phone calls and pamphlets.

Perhaps if elections were solved with cage fights, I might be a little more interested. Think about it, you could have a stacked card of death matches and charge people to come and see who “wins” the battle. And all the proceeds would go to fund the “elected” government’s initiatives and programs.

If you look through the history of the world, every important issue has been settled at WrestleMania, so why not continue down this path in the political forum?

Sadly, this is not to be, but it’s something for future generations to keep in mind. Maybe when the polar ice caps eventually melt and we go into a state of martial law, we can revisit my proposal.

I took a political science course once and I couldn’t stand it. Every class, when the teacher looked like he was wrapping things up and was going to let us free a little earlier, there would always be one jackass who would keep asking questions – queries of a political nature, but having nothing to do with our current lesson – until before you knew it, we had actually run over the class time and would now be fighting each other to exit, Battle Royal style, in order to get to the parking lot.

All that said, today I have to go stand in line to execute my “right” as a free democratic being who enjoys the benefits of not living in a dictatorship, I guess.

Although, this guy looks like he knows how to party!

Mrs. Sip insists that I vote, even threatening to withhold potato chips and cookies from me. What she doesn’t know is that as soon as I enter the private voting booth, I promptly check off the candidate she dislikes the most, file my ballot, and call it a day!

Drink #134: Time for a Change?

Rim glass with Sugar
1.5 oz Black Cherry Bourbon
0.5 oz Cointreau
Splash of Lemon Juice
Splash of Wildberry Juice
Dash of Orange Bitters

Is it really time for a change? I say, who cares. It’s usually not too long before we hate the dude or dudette we all elected. People say if you don’t vote, you have no right to complain about what happens. And really, that’s the only reason the Sip Advisor goes to the polls every year!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is quite the cocktail to undertake. Sadly, I had to leave the lavender portion of the recipe out, but it wasn’t missed too much. I really enjoy any drink that contains Black Cherry Bourbon and this was no exception. I found it really hard to pick an election-themed cocktail, as most were American-related and well, that’s not where I live. I still love the drink name Obama Slammer, though.

Sip Advisor

The Good, The Bad & The Bubbly

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