Canada – Black Tooth Grin

Posted on January 6, 2014 by Daniel Wilson

Stick and Puck

Today, we begin our 52-week tour around the world. Our first stop is the Sip Advisor’s homeland of Canada. The country’s greatest export (other than myself and Crown Royal) is the sport of hockey. It is our national pastime and just simply what we do best. With that in mind, here are some of the wackiest tales from the ice!

Brotherly Love

Fighting in hockey is completely accepted… in fact, it’s expected. But even this battle of fisticuffs surprised most fans. On Apr. 7, 1997, with the regular season winding down, the Hartford Whalers faced the Buffalo Sabres. As a scrum ensued in front of Hartford goalie Sean Burke, teammate Keith Primeau grabbed the primary culprit and ended up dropping the gloves with his own brother Wayne. Afterwards, legend has it that both siblings called their mother to apologize for the melee!

Fan Fest

One of the craziest moments in hockey history occurred on Dec. 23, 1979 during a Boston Bruins-New York Rangers tilt in the Big Apple. During a player scrum at the end of the game, a fan managed to cut Bruins player Stan Jonathan’s face with a rolled up program, as well as take his stick. This caused Jonathan’s teammates Terry O’Reilly and Peter McNab to venture over the Plexiglas and into the stands to apprehend the fan. The brawl’s highlight featured future NHL coach, general manager, and broadcaster, Mike Milbury, beating the guilty fan with his own shoe. O’Reilly, McNab, and Milbury were all suspended and fined, while the fan was sentenced to six months in jail.

Wishing for a Mulligan

When a player is streaking in on an empty net, most fans would conclude that the goal is a gimme. But there are two notable exceptions to the rule. One saw Nashville Predators rookie Craig Smith flying into the opponent’s zone all alone, only to fire the puck over the net and out of play, even while others assumed he had scored. The more infamous incident occurred when former first overall draft choice Patrik Stefan lost control of the puck while hot dogging and was forced to watch in horror as the Edmonton Oilers went the other way to tie the game with seconds left.

Karma’s Coming

During a Jan. 26, 2001 contest between the Chicago Blackhawks and Colorado Avalanche, forward Steve Sullivan was struck with a high stick and injured, requiring stitches. He was promptly heckled by a fan, but as the old saying goes: “Karma is a bitch!” Later on in the evening, the puck ended up leaving the playing surface and hitting the same fan who had jeered Sullivan earlier. Sullivan took this opportunity to chirp the fan back… oh, and he also scored two short-handed goals after re-emerging from the trainer’s room.

Unsportsmanlike Conduct

The referees never get the call right. This is universally accepted. On one trip to the penalty box, however, a frustrated Doug Gilmour took his anger out on the poor door, slamming and destroying it. With shards of glass everywhere, Gilmour looked a little sheepish still sitting in the box and was perhaps a little surprised at his own strength. If you ever wondered why they nicknamed Gilmour “Killer”, you might have your answer here!

Bat-Man

Had this game been played around Halloween, things would have been all the more spookier. Throughout most of the contest, a bat was spotted flying around the arena, even coming down to the ice surface and buzzing by players heads. Finally, Buffalo’s Jim Lorentz knocked it out of the air with his stick, before it was carried off the ice. Moments later, fog encompassed the ice surface making it difficult for play to resume. I guess Dracula was pissed and trying to extract his revenge on the guilty parties.

The Most Dangerous Job

Mascots are a very polarizing topic. Some people love them, while others loathe them. I get their appeal to young kids, but I’m personally not a fan… and neither is Terry O’Reilly, it would seem. Yes, this is the same Terry O’Reilly who went into the New York stands in the brawl listed above. On this fateful night, California Golden Seals mascot Krazy George was working his mojo and taunting the Boston Bruins by beating away at a drum. This apparently was enough to set off the man known as “Bloody O’Reilly” and the “Tasmanian Devil”, as he proceeded to jab George with his stick and chase him away from the penalty box.

Canada: Black Tooth Grin

1 oz Crown Royal Whiskey
1 oz Wiser’s Spiced Whiskey
Splash of Cola
Garnish with Gum and Strawberry Syrup

So much fighting in hockey… brother vs. brother, players vs. fans, players vs. mascots… that’s why we love the game so much! Do you have a wacky hockey moment you expected to see on this list? Drop the gloves with the Sip Advisor and leave a message!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
What can I say about Crown Royal Whiskey that hasn’t already been said… it’s a freakin’ Canadian institution and one of my favourite spirits of all time. This drink was actually created by late Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell, but I thought it also fit the bill for an article about hockey players, given their many unfortunate examples of dental damage! It was a good cocktail, with which I subbed in Wiser’s Spiced Whiskey (another Canadian product) for Seagram’s 7 Whiskey. Then I used pieces of Gum and drips of Strawberry Syrup to portray some of that aforementioned dental damage!

January 1 – Perfect Kiss

Posted on January 1, 2014 by Daniel Wilson

Mission Accomplished!!!

Well, my little sippers, we did it! *Confetti and streamers fall from the sky while fireworks erupt, setting off the ever-hated car alarms and the somewhat necessary sprinkler systems!*

365 days of boozing made 2013 a very memorable year… well, at least the parts of it I remember!

As I hop up onto my soapbox, I’d like to thank Mrs. Sip for first coming up with the idea for the project and supporting me throughout (at least until you were made more of a figurehead board member).

To anyone that provided liquor or anything else for any of the drinks made, especially Ma and Pa Sip, who often brought me items from their collection, to help with my recipes, I am humbly in your debt.

To all my fellow media moguls out there who helped along the way by liking a post, making my tweet a favourite, directing people to my site, and anything else, I couldn’t have reached the heights I did without your assistance.

For everyone out there in Sip Nation who took the time to read my wonderful prose, give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back. It takes a village to raise something, anything, and together we got this wicked site off the ground and launched it into orbit.

Getting things done regardless of the consequences!

So, I guess you’re wondering what’s next for The Sip Advisor. Well, here’s the long-awaited plan for 2014:

We’ll be switching gears from the 365-day project to a world showcase of sorts, as I virtually travel the planet and experience the feature libations of over 50 countries. Each week, the Sip Advisor will be in a new country with posts highlighting some of the features of each stop, as I drunkenly bounce around the globe.

Articles will be published every Monday and Thursday, starting January 6th with my home nation of Canada getting the proverbial ball rolling. From there, you never really know where I’ll end up… it’ll be like tracking down the infamous (and super sexy) Carmen Sandiego!

We’ll still rock the Super Saturday Shot Day entries, so join us every weekend for another shooter to get the party started. Finally, in my spare time, I’ll also be taking on various special projects for this spectacular site (including Product Reviews, Man vs. Liquor Challenges, and a yet-to-be-named Competition Page [please vote for your favourite: Spirit Skirmish/Scuffle, Recipe Row, Drink Dispute, Beverage/Bevvy Brawl, Booze Battles]. Stay tuned for all the developments.

And what Sip Advisor post would be complete without a drink recipe. Here’s one last little gift of thanks from me to you on this most glorious of days. Enjoy!

Drink #366: Perfect Kiss

1 oz White Rum (I used Grand Melon)
1 oz Peach Schnapps
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Berries

Much love and much thanks to you all you little sippers! I wish you nothing but the best in 2014!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This is a great cocktail for celebrating that first kiss of 2014 with the nearest/dearest loved one! The drink was really nice and refreshing with tastes of berry, melon, citrus, and peach. It provided my first chance to use the spherical ice cubes Mrs. Sip got me molds for as a Christmas gift. Look out for my first product review post based on these little gems!

December 30 – Iron Man Cocktail

Posted on December 30, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

We’re Going Streaking

As tomorrow marks the conclusion of the 365-day cocktail project, my efforts will be included with some of the greatest streaks known the world over. In fact, it’s probably the greatest compilation ever put together in human existence… and you little sippers were all a part of history. Here are some other notable runs.

Cal Ripken, Jr. – 2,632 Consecutive MLB games

While baseball lacks so many of the physical demands of other sports (hell, players spend more than half the game simply standing around and do so little that they can sometimes play two contests in one day), Cal Ripken, Jr.’s 2,632 straight games is still an amazing achievement. The streak started on May 30, 1982 and ended on Sept. 20, 1998, as the shortstop wanted to wrap it up on his own terms and avoid any controversy that may follow in the twilight of his career.

Doug Jarvis – 964 Consecutive NHL games

To play that many successive games in one of the most physical sports on the planet is quite the impressive feat. When that streak spans your entire professional career (from 1975 to 1987), while winning four Stanley Cups, as well as the Selke Trophy (NHL’s top defensive forward) and Bill Masterton Trophy (awarded for perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey) that makes the record that much sweeter.

Brett Favre – 297 Consecutive NFL Quarterback Starts

Given how rough and tumble professional football can be, it’s astonishing that Brett Favre was able to start 297 games in a row, all while sending pictures of his junk via cell phone to select female members of team staff. Okay, so some of Favre’s shine rubbed off (perhaps bad word choice) near the end of his career, but you can’t take away the guy’s grit and passion.

Joe Dimaggio – 56-Game Hit Streak

It has been written before that the hardest thing to do in professional sports is hit a fastball. While I vehemently disagree with that assertion, I do agree that there are unique skills required to be a pro ball player and Joe Dimaggio’s streak is pretty impressive because of this. Perhaps more notable, the dude married Marilyn Monroe… not too shabby!

Lance Armstrong – 7-Consecutive Tour de France Victories

While Lance Armstrong’s streak of victories has since been tainted by his steroid scandal, the man competed in a world rife with cheating and he still managed to win seven straight Tour de France titles. Armstrong’s celebrity also boosted funding for cancer treatments, so regardless of his name being sullied, he still did some great things for the world.

Wayne Gretzky – 51 Consecutive Game Point Streak

Wayne Gretzky is the most prolific scorer in NHL history, putting up so many records that will never be touched. Among those, is his 51-game point scoring streak in 1983-84. The Great One averaged 3 points per game during that run and had he sat out the rest of the season after the stretch was ended, he would have still won the scoring title by 27 points!

Byron Nelson – 11 Consecutive PGA Tour Wins

Today, you’re likely to see a different leader atop the PGA Tour each week. To win 11 straight in today’s golfing world is totally unfathomable. Not ever Tiger Woods in his prime came anywhere near touching that mark. Nelson won 18 of 30 tournaments in 1945 and 52 throughout his PGA career. He also added 12 wins on other professional circuits.

A.C. Green – 1,192 Consecutive NBA Games

I think I’m more impressed with the fact the deeply religious man waited until the age of 38 to finally lose his virginity. Now THAT’S an iron man streak! Green’s foundation promotes abstinence before marriage and he was finally wed in 2002, following his playing career, which lasted from 1985-2001, including three NBA Championships.

Drink #364: Iron Man Cocktail

1.5 oz Amaretto (I used Disaronno)
1 Shot of Orange Juice
Splash of Grenadine

So, what’s next for The Sip Advisor? You’ll have to stay tuned for a big announcement on New Year’s Day. The excitement is palpable, isn’t it!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This recipe comes courtesy of The Drunken Moogle site and while it is meant for the comic and movie character Iron Man, I think it applies here, as well. Simply place the shot of Orange Juice into the Amaretto/Grenadine Mix and slam the whole concoction back. The drink is sweet, so if you have a tooth for that, you’re in luck. Most will want to have a more tart taste mixed in, so this cocktail doesn’t work for all.

December 29 – Fireside Choco-Chat

Posted on December 29, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Something to Talk About

I sometimes like to watch those year-in-review retrospectives you find on news and sports channels. It gives you a real picture of what happened the previous 365 days and an idea of what to expect when the calendar turns over. So, as we try to stay warm by the fire, here are the people and topics we most discussed in 2013:

Miley Cyrus

People have been shaking their groove things for many years, but it took a raunchy twerking performance by former child star Miley Cyrus at the MTV Music Video Awards to really help the pop singer burst on the scene. She followed that up with a string of other wild antics and her music video for Wrecking Ball, which features the artist (and all of her tan lines – you figure she would have got some colour before this production) swinging nude from the construction device and licking a filthy sledgehammer.

Prince George

Perhaps it’s the anti-parent in me or perhaps it’s the fact I couldn’t care less about celebrity offspring in general, but I don’t get the interest in the whole royal baby thing. Sadly, this kid is more famous that any of us will ever be and he still needs someone to wipe his own ass. I’d praise his genetic luck, but years of royal inbreeding have to catch up to reality eventually. At least he can claim things of Kate Middleton that most men would kill to also have rights to.

Concussion Awareness

This is the hottest topic in the sports world (even surpassing steroids) and it only seems to be getting more serious with each passing year. In 2013, the NFL reached a $765 million settlement with its former players for concussion treatment and earlier this month, news came out that a similar class action lawsuit was being filed against the NHL. While the players involved should be compensated, I feel we’re travelling down a slippery slope towards the elimination of contact sports entirely.

Rob Ford

The every-man mayor proved he was much more than your typical person and provided late night shows with copious amounts of material. Sure he continues to leave a black eye on the city of Toronto by refusing to step down and out of the public spotlight, but it’s no worse than their professional hockey team has been doing for years! Perhaps once he’s experienced close to 50 years of futility he’ll finally call it a day.

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West

Kim and Kanye, or Kim-ye as they have been unitedly known, are perhaps Hollywood’s hottest power couple right now. This is what you get when you combine the amazingly egotistical Kanye West (he is the voice of our generation, after all) and the talentless yet uber famous Kim Kardashian (sorry, what exactly has she done again?). Don’t forget about baby North West, who has the perfect name for a fragrance already lined up: North by North West!

Fifty Shades of Grey

The franchise should really be called Fifty Shades of Who Cares, although I know I’m waging a winless battle. I’m just so outnumbered by women in their middle ages who love their mommy porn. How powerful is this group, you ask? Well, they’ve already forced Charlie Hunnam to give up on his role as Christian Grey in the film just because many thought he didn’t fit the part and backlashed against the performer on social media. What’s next? Will they get me booted off my own site because I’m far too talented? They may have a case there!

Drink #363: Fireside Choco-Chat

1 oz Marshmallow Vodka (I used Smirnoff Fluffed)
1 oz Peppermint Schnapps
Top with Hot Chocolate
Garnish with Whip Cream and a Chocolate Spoon

Before we retire for the evening, we should pay tribute to those who passed on in 2013. May there be drinks waiting for you all wherever you may be!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
I went with Candy Cane Vodka instead of Peppermint Schnapps and that might have changed the taste. While I had looked forward to mixing Fluffed and Candy Cane Vodka with Hot Chocolate, I wasn’t overly impressed with the final product. Mrs. Sip liked it better than I did, however.

December 27 – Hammered Farmer

Posted on December 27, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Experience Points

I got to thinking the other day about things that must be experienced as a drinker. The rites of passage as a boozehound, if you will. Here’s some of the items that crossed my mind and I believe made me the Sip Advisor I am today!

Drink from a Funnel – Friends of Mrs. Sip and myself had this funnel they called Skeletor (thanks to it being a skull), which was fun drinking out of and made for a good dare as part of drinking games.

Do a Keg Stand – As a kid, I was always standing on my head. It’s something I did well and I still do head stands on many objects I find. Combine that with chugging beer and you have the infamous keg stand. I think I did pretty well in my only attempt.

Use a Flask – I first bought a flask in my early 20’s and have since upgraded to a much nicer one, which I gave out to each of the groomsmen and ushers in my wedding. As I’ve written before, Fireball is my go-to flask filler and it has seen me through many wild nights.

Buy Booze as a Minor – While I didn’t frequently do this, it did happen from on a couple occasions and without incident. It truly shows your dedication to the sport.

Enjoy an Open Bar – I’ve been lucky enough to attend a few “open bar” functions in my time. Sometimes those bars haven’t been very lucky to have me as a guest!

Rent a Keg – This is something I have yet to do personally. Sure, I’ve been to the odd keg party, but I’ve never hosted one. We’ve often bandied about the idea of getting a keg for my annual beer pong tournament, but letting folks drink whatever they wish has always won out over the mass serving. I did have a mini keg that travelled through some of Europe with me, if that counts.

Drunken Karaoke – Is there any other kind of karaoke!?

Buy a Round for a Group – It’s always important to take your rightful turn in buying drinks for the group. Just make sure you get yours back in due time.

Invent a Cocktail – Clearly this is no longer an outstanding issue for the Sip Advisor…

Buy a Woman a Drink – Does Mrs. Sip count? If so, then check!

Play Drinking Games – Whether it’s Beer Pong, Quarters, King’s Cup, Flippy Cup, or anything else, drinking games are an essential element of boozing fun. I’d say go easy on rookies, but they should know what they’re getting themselves into.

Go on a Beer/Wine Tour – In the course of this project, I’ve detailed the wine and beer tours I’ve been privileged to go on. Next up comes some visits to hard alcohol distilleries.

Do a Shot Challenge – Whether it’s one you create on your own or something hosted by a bar, these are always a fun way to get smashed and stretch your drinking limits. Mrs. Sip and I took part in one notable challenge in Nice, France, where we (along with three others) had to down all of our 10 shots in successive order. I was the only one ballsy enough to include a couple Flatliners in my set.

Visit a Beer Hall – Drinking around the world has become a huge part of travel for Mrs. Sip and I, whether it’s trying news beers, wines, and spirits, or visiting booze landmarks across the globe. The beer hall we enjoyed in Munich, Germany was among these great memories.

Do a Pub Crawl – Man are these fun… I’ve done crawls in a lot of parts of the world (Key West, Florida; Preston, England; Honolulu, Hawaii; etc.) and they’re always full of laughs, adventure, and of course alcohol. Map out a route and hit the town!

Survive a Hangover – Does it count if I’ve helped someone through their hangover? Remember, the Sip Advisor is immune from rough morning afters.

Be Known by Name at a Bar – While I have yet to find a place “where everybody knows my name”, the Sip Alliance was recognized at The Yard House in Hawaii as “Oh, you guys are back!”

Ride a Mechanical Bull – This should only be done while blitzed because it limbers you up for the eventual fall. I achieved this at the PBR Rock Bar in Las Vegas this year (twice!) and it was totally worth the resulting crotch bruising.

Hit Multiple Fast Food Joints on the Same Night – Guilty as charged. Just the other day, Mrs. Sip and I grabbed some Mickie D’s takeout and while passing by a Mega Bite pizza shop, I joked we should grab some slices for the road as well. Before I knew it, Mrs. Sip was in there snatching some before we were on our way again!

Drink #361: Hammered Farmer

1.5 oz Spiced Rum (I used New Orleans)
Top with Root Beer
Splash of Apple-Lime Juice
Garnish with a Lemon Wheel

What else do you think qualifies as a rite of passage for experienced drinkers? I wanted to include my feat of drinking a beer underwater, but Mrs. Sip insisted it was so rare and awesome that I was the only that would qualify. She’s always pumping my tires!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This is one of those bizarre recipes where they recommend way too much booze to make a decent drink. They say you should use 4 oz of Spiced Rum. While that will achieve the desired effect of being a Hammered Farmer, the cocktail’s taste will be way too strong. I dumbed the ingredients down to make a tasty drink where you can taste each element being presented. You’ll still get blasted, it just won’t be from one serving!

December 25 – Merry Christmas

Posted on December 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Wrapped Records

As with almost everything, Christmas can produce a ton of World Records. From largest this, to smallest that; most expensive, to oldest. Here are some of the notable records I was able to dig up:

O Tannenbaum

Christmas is a time of stuffing your face full of chocolate and other treats, but it would take an entire harem (all I want for Christmas!) to devour this particular world record. Chocolatier, Patrick Roger, created the world’s Tallest Chocolate Christmas Tree in 2010. The structure stood 32-feet high and weighed 8,000 pounds. Roger’s project took an entire month to finish and used $45,000 worth of dark chocolate. Pieces were broken off and sold with proceeds going to charity. Now all we need to find is the world’s largest glass of milk and we’re good to go!

Family Jewels

It’s really no surprise that the world’s Most Expensively Decorated Christmas Tree can be found in the United Arab Emirates (although I am surprised the country celebrates Christmas at all). There, at the Emirates Palace Hotel, guests can marvel at the 43-foot tall tree that has been decorated with $11 million worth of jewelry. This includes precious gems, diamonds, and pearls. What else would you expect from a joint that houses a gold ATM and serves a cognac that goes for $2,000 per serving.

So Much for Tinsel

Sticking with the theme of “most expensive”, Hallmark Jewellers in the UK created the world’s Most Expensive Christmas Decoration in 2009, with their ball that includes 18-carat white gold, encrusted with 1,578 diamonds. The decoration is circled by two red rings, comprised of 188 rubies. The ball’s estimated value is $130,000 and took an entire year to craft. Creator Mark Hussy, owner of Hallmark Jewellers wants the company to be as famous for Christmas as Faberge for their eggs. I’d probably promptly drop this decoration and have it shatter all over the floor, as I did with the decoration Mrs. Sip gave to me this Christmas.

Red and White Pride

I think it’s safe to say that almost everyone has at one time or another owned a Santa hat. Well, you could have been part of a world record. In 2010, 872 people gathered in Brockton, Massachusetts – all decked out in their Santa’s hat best – to set the record of Most Santa Hat Wearers in One Place. I would have thought the number to be bigger, which shows this record is up for the taking. I don’t like crowds, however, so you can count me out.

Small Frosty

No, that’s not a drink order at Wendy’s. It’s actually for the world’s Smallest Snowman, created by the National Physics Laboratory in London. Using tools meant for working with nano-particles and welded together by miniscule samples of platinum, two tiny tin beads were fused together to form the snowman’s body. From there, an ion beam was used to give the snowman a face. I don’t think this version of Frosty would melt in the sun, but it might easily be misplaced.

Claus Collection

We venture to Canada for this record, where retired teacher Jean-Guy Laquerre has amassed the Largest Santa Claus Memorabilia Collection, including 20,000 drawings, toys, and figurines. I told you all the French were a little crazy! Laquerre began his collecting ways in 1988 with a few items. Now it takes him a full two weeks to get all his treasures set up on display. If it takes that long to set-up and tear down, one has to wonder why he doesn’t just leave the collection up year round. I guess he’s not as lazy as the Sip Advisor!

Early Writings

In 1992, the world’s Oldest Letter to Santa was discovered (now coming in at over 100 years old). Perhaps the most interesting part of the story is where the message was found: inside a fireplace. The letter, written by two young siblings in 1911, asked for a baby doll, jacket with hood, pair of gloves, toffee treats, and cash money (a gold penny and a silver sixpence). I wonder what my early Christmas lists requested. Probably peace on earth… I have always been a worldly treasure!

Drink #359: Merry Christmas

1.5 oz Gin (I used Hendrick’s)
Top with Club Soda
Splash of Cranberry Juice
Splash of Lemon Juice
Garnish with Cranberries

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas, as they read this spectacular post. Now it’s time for me to get back to my presents… oh yeah, and family, too. Have an awesome day!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This recipe is very similar to a Cosmopolitan with a few differences. Gin is subbed in for Vodka, Lemon Juice for Lime Juice, and Club Soda added to the recipe. It all makes for a drink as good as the Cosmo, especially when done cocktail style.

December 24 – White Christmas Dream

Posted on December 24, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

When it comes to Christmas Eve traditions, I’m sticking to the sweet things in life. None of this going to church crap or fasting and depriving yourself of all the wonderful things this world has to offer. I’m talking stuffing your face with food, watching great entertainment, and drinking yourself into a delightful Christmas coma. Here’s what we should all be up to that night:

Eating Right

By eating right, I of course mean eating wrong. If you haven’t polished off something deep-fried and greasy or chocolate covered before the evening is through, then there is something seriously and inherently wrong with you. Mrs. Sip and I have enjoyed meals out the last few years, gorging ourselves on lobster, beef, beer, and wine. Others might order out and let others do their cooking. It’s a fantastic idea and will keep you sane through the crazy holidays!

Hey, we all have to eat, right!?

Viewing Party

The perfect combo, as you enjoy your gloriously fattening meal is to thrown on some of the movie, special, and TV show favourites I’ve pointed out throughout this month. Make sure snacks are thoroughly stocked throughout the house, including the bathroom. You never know when you’ll be stuck in there for a prolonged period of time and it’s always recommended that you keep feeding the beast, rather than starve it.

Deck the Halls

If you’ve chosen to take this time and do a little last minute decorating, first, shame on you, and second, put all that crap down and relax. It’s too late anyway and all you’ll end up doing is un-decorating on Boxing Day. Take my advice and simply wait for next year. You’ll be happier, but perhaps not healthier.

The Good Book

This may be the only time I ever advocate for the act of reading, but some should probably be done Christmas Eve, especially if you have young ones roaming your halls. Of course, The Night Before Christmas is the perfect tome to share aloud. There has to even be recorded copies of the classic, so I don’t have to actually doing any reading myself!

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme

I prefer to not open gifts on Christmas Eve (not even one) in favour of saving them all for a grand Christmas morning melee. If you’re one of those poor suckers still tracking down gifts on the day before Christmas, let me enjoy a thorough laugh at your expense. Make sure to get a treat for your pets, as well, as it’s amazing to watch kitties get lit up on catnip and chase little toys among the discarded wrapping paper!

Getting Blitzened

Not surprisingly, the Sip Advisor doesn’t view Christmas Eve as any less of an evening to get your drink on. There’s nothing like burning out your own bulb and passing out in front of the TV before a long winter’s nap. If you have to do any driving Christmas Eve, this of course isn’t achievable. The second you arrive at your final stop, however, you better do everything you can to get into the Christmas spirit, whether that’s shot-gunning a few brews or challenging your loved ones to a shooter challenge.

Leaving Something Out

Before heading to bed tonight, make sure to leave out a little sumpin’ sumpin’ for Santa Claus and his team. For the reindeer, a helping of carrots will keep their vision strong throughout the night, while jolly ol’ St. Nick can keep his energy level up with cookies and milk. Let’s just hope the guy isn’t lactose intolerant. Finally, make sure to leave a little cheese for Santa Mouse, the littlest helper of the bunch!

Drink #358: White Christmas Dream

1 oz Vodka (I used Smores)
1 oz Amaretto
Top with Milk
Garnish with Chocolate Sprinkles and a Wafer Stick

I wish all you little sippers a very merry Christmas. May you each get everything you wanted and more. As for myself, providing Mrs. Sip ends up wearing only tinsel, I’ll be the merriest of us all!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I suppose I went against the whole “White Christmas” theme by adding Chocolate Sprinkles and the Wafer Stick, but all white snowfalls eventually turn a little dirty. The drink tasted really good and wasn’t overly sweet or anything like that.

December 23 – Silent Night

Posted on December 23, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Family Photo Album

The Family Sip never really did the Christmas family photo thing, but for some, it’s an annual tradition. And it really shouldn’t be, given how awful most of them turn out. I ask that all you little sippers proceed with caution through this list. The ugly mugs are bad enough and now you also have to deal with some truly deranged people. Enjoy!

Am I the only one a little horrified that this guy seems so delighted to be wearing a diaper!? I got a 20-spot on the dad wetting himself before the child… otherwise it’s a wasted diaper which are clogging up our landfills. The look on the kid’s face really tells the story here. I call it the ‘scarred for life’ pose and the youngster is pulling it off to perfection.

It looks like they’re trying to recreate the Human Centipede movies and daddy is going to smack mommy’s backside red! You only hope this photo was later used in court documents… I just can’t decide which one of the family members would be first to sue for divorce, the kids or the mother. I hope Mrs. Sip is in for some reindeer games this holiday season!

Someone really didn’t want to take part in the annual family photo and I don’t really blame him. No, it seems Eric Forman here wanted nothing to do with this photo shoot. He was probably pulling his ‘rebel with a Christmas cause’ act because his big bro is so into the project. That’s because he knew he was rockin’ his new goatee and he wanted to memorialize the look for prosperity.

It looks like dad didn’t get the memo on what to wear for the family Christmas photo. Perhaps he was just recently released from prison and didn’t have time to purchase a new wardrobe. The scary part is that if these girls are comfortable with how their father is portraying himself in this photo, that means he dresses this way around the house all the time… and that’s not cool.

I’m surprised the setting for this isn’t a trailer. This seems like the wrong message to be sending to your kids… you should never have them suffer through family Christmas photos. Oh, and the smoking thing is pretty weird! I wonder if they also received an ashtray in each of their stockings? Then again, trailers don’t have chimneys for said stockings to be hung!

Drink #357: Silent Night

1 oz Tequila (I used El Jimador)
1 oz Blue Curacao
1 oz Triple Sec
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Lime Juice
Garnish with Lime Wedges

Do you have a favourite family Christmas photo that I haven’t covered or have a hilarious caption to one of these gems that you just must share. Let’s turn this Silent Night into an uproarious occasion of laughter and joy!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
A couple quick notes about alterations I made from the original recipe listed above. I completely removed the Triple Sec as Blue Curacao is basically the same ingredient, only blue and I swapped Pineapple Juice out for Pineapple Soda because I wanted some fizz with this drink and also wanted a clearer liquid than Pineapple Juice offers. The result wasn’t too bad, but I’m still not a huge Pineapple liquid fan, despite loving Hawaiian pizza.

December 22 – The North Pole

Posted on December 22, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Sweater Shop

In recent years, ugly Christmas sweaters have become more of a popular theme for holiday parties. Some offices will even host an annual competition with employees showing off their hard-on-the-eyes winter warmers. Here are some of the funniest entries I was able to locate!

This gives a whole new meaning to Operation Red Nose! It takes a lot of balls (or in this case ovaries) to wear an outfit likes this. It’s not so much that the top is ugly… just bizarre. I bet that nose becomes quite the target at any party she goes to and I pray she never chooses this wardrobe for going to the clubs… guys on the dance floor are big enough losers without falling all over themselves for stuff like this.

If this is what they meant, I don’t want to wish joy to the world! This guy looks incredibly uncomfortable and I’m not sure if that’s because of the sweater or his weight. Perhaps he hasn’t left that couch for ages and he’s still dawning this sweater despite the photo being taken in mid summer. Quit staring and make him some fried chicken.

I feel bad for women. When they are depicted as being droopy, it means saggy breasts… but when a dude is just as droopy, it means a massively large member. This guy’s sweater could be misinterpreted as Frosty throwing up in the middle of a keg stand. If these two get close together does that put the sweater snowmen in a compromising 69 position?

It’s never a good idea to put your face on a shirt… let alone an ugly Christmas sweater. How are either of these octogenarians supposed to cheat on their spouse when they’re wearing each other’s faces!? I find it funny that the woman has the exact same smile in her sweater photo that she’s offering to the camera person here, too. If Mrs. Sip and I ever wear matching clothes, it’s time to consider a separation.

I’m not sure I’m a fan of the sleeveless look. No wait, I’m definitely not a fan of the sleeveless look. It’s not very functional either, as the moment you step outside into the frigid air, you’re going to be pretty damn cold! Sure, this guy has a lot of beef on him to help keep him warm, but I just don’t think it would be enough and perhaps that’s all for the best.

Drink #356: The North Pole

1.5 oz Grey Goose Cherry Noir
0.5 oz Peppermint Schnapps
Top with Milk
Squirt of Chocolate Syrup
Garnish with a Candy Cane

Always looking for a good laugh, I appreciate all these folk’s self-deprecating efforts. If you know of some even uglier Christmas sweaters, send them the Sip Advisor’s way and give me a good chuckle!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
My version of the cocktail didn’t turn out as dark as others I have seen online (I should have used a little more Chocolate Syrup), but it tasted decent and really, that’s the most important element of a cocktail. I’ve really enjoyed using all these Candy Canes in the various cocktails presented through the 25 Days of Christmas.

December 15 – The Mistletoe

Posted on December 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

All I Want for Christmas

As I researched my post on the worst Christmas albums, I came across a ton of horrible cover art that just has to be shared with all you little sippers. Prepare to be horrified and delighted all at the same time!

Rudy Ray Moore – This Ain’t No White Christmas

Horrible cover, but absolutely amazing idea! I need to get Mrs. Sip on board with Rudy Ray Moore’s idea of holiday attire. Who exactly is Rudy Ray Moore, you might be asking? Well, my little sippers, Mr. Moore is the legendary Dolemite, one of the most famous blaxploitation characters. This Ain’t No White Christmas is one of Moore’s comedy releases and features a two-part ‘The Night Before Christmas’.

Lenny Dee – Happy Holi-dee

He didn’t even bother to put on the friggin’ Santa beard! Or, perhaps, the dogs he’s holding yanked it off and he said, “You know what, fuck it! Take the damn picture and let’s get out of here.” Dee’s Wikipedia page says that he was a virtuoso organist… Mrs. Sip would say the same about me! Happy Holi-dee isn’t Dee’s only release to incorporate his last name. He also had Dee-Lightful, Dee-Lirious, Dee-Licious, Dee-Frosting, and many more.

Thore Skogmans Julskiva – Klappa Pa!

Here’s all the meat I’ll be sexually gratifying you with… what’s that? You aren’t into meat loving? Oh, I guess I’m alone in that regard. Perhaps I’m being too hard on Thore here. He just looks like a happy-go-lucky dude who really enjoys meat and Christmas feasts. Klappa Pa sounds like something you’d hear at a German beer hall and that’s all well and good, but it’s certainly not something I’d want to get my stein on to.

William Hung – Hung for the Holidays

They made William Hung look like the worst South Park character ever… not that that was a really hard task. This whole idea was thrown together so quickly trying to capitalize on Hung’s 15 minutes of fame. The cover art for Hung for the Holidays might actually make the tracks on the album seem better. I hope nobody has to spend Christmas with William Hung because you know he’d be trying to share this drivel with any unfortunate guests.

Slim Whitman – Christmas with Slim Whitman

His eyes say “you’ll be safe with me”, but his smile says “I will rape you”. And what a freakin’ awesome name! Seriously, this name would mean instant respect in any professional world, from journalism to porn. Whitman reminds me of Dan Aykroyd’s Saturday Night Live character Fred Garvin, male prostitute. To be fair, Christmas with Slim Whitman shows us not to judge a book by it’s cover, as Whitman’s voice doesn’t match the sex offender image he presents.

Drink #349: The Mistletoe

1 oz Grey Goose Cherry Noir Vodka
Top with Club Soda
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Mint Leaf and Cranberry

After checking out this list, you’d probably agree with me that it’s a good thing cover art for music releases is largely a thing of the past thanks to the death of the album, tape, and CD.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail was pretty refreshing and I’ve always liked how Grey Goose Cherry Noir and Sweet & Sour Mix work together. The Club Soda gave the drink a nice level of fizz, while not distracting from the taste of any of the other ingredients. I also really like my simple but effective garnishing of the cocktail.

Sip Advisor

The Good, The Bad & The Bubbly

Category Archives: Crazy & Classic Cocktails