December 24 – White Christmas Dream

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

When it comes to Christmas Eve traditions, I’m sticking to the sweet things in life. None of this going to church crap or fasting and depriving yourself of all the wonderful things this world has to offer. I’m talking stuffing your face with food, watching great entertainment, and drinking yourself into a delightful Christmas coma. Here’s what we should all be up to that night:

Eating Right

By eating right, I of course mean eating wrong. If you haven’t polished off something deep-fried and greasy or chocolate covered before the evening is through, then there is something seriously and inherently wrong with you. Mrs. Sip and I have enjoyed meals out the last few years, gorging ourselves on lobster, beef, beer, and wine. Others might order out and let others do their cooking. It’s a fantastic idea and will keep you sane through the crazy holidays!

Not Even a Mouse

Hey, we all have to eat, right!?

Viewing Party

The perfect combo, as you enjoy your gloriously fattening meal is to thrown on some of the movie, special, and TV show favourites I’ve pointed out throughout this month. Make sure snacks are thoroughly stocked throughout the house, including the bathroom. You never know when you’ll be stuck in there for a prolonged period of time and it’s always recommended that you keep feeding the beast, rather than starve it.

Deck the Halls

If you’ve chosen to take this time and do a little last minute decorating, first, shame on you, and second, put all that crap down and relax. It’s too late anyway and all you’ll end up doing is un-decorating on Boxing Day. Take my advice and simply wait for next year. You’ll be happier, but perhaps not healthier.

The Good Book

This may be the only time I ever advocate for the act of reading, but some should probably be done Christmas Eve, especially if you have young ones roaming your halls. Of course, The Night Before Christmas is the perfect tome to share aloud. There has to even be recorded copies of the classic, so I don’t have to actually doing any reading myself!

Last Minute Wrapping

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme

I prefer to not open gifts on Christmas Eve (not even one) in favour of saving them all for a grand Christmas morning melee. If you’re one of those poor suckers still tracking down gifts on the day before Christmas, let me enjoy a thorough laugh at your expense. Make sure to get a treat for your pets, as well, as it’s amazing to watch kitties get lit up on catnip and chase little toys among the discarded wrapping paper!

Getting Blitzened

Not surprisingly, the Sip Advisor doesn’t view Christmas Eve as any less of an evening to get your drink on. There’s nothing like burning out your own bulb and passing out in front of the TV before a long winter’s nap. If you have to do any driving Christmas Eve, this of course isn’t achievable. The second you arrive at your final stop, however, you better do everything you can to get into the Christmas spirit, whether that’s shot-gunning a few brews or challenging your loved ones to a shooter challenge.

Leaving Something Out

Before heading to bed tonight, make sure to leave out a little sumpin’ sumpin’ for Santa Claus and his team. For the reindeer, a helping of carrots will keep their vision strong throughout the night, while jolly ol’ St. Nick can keep his energy level up with cookies and milk. Let’s just hope the guy isn’t lactose intolerant. Finally, make sure to leave a little cheese for Santa Mouse, the littlest helper of the bunch!

Drink #358: White Christmas Dream

White Christmas Dream Drink Recipe

  • 1 oz Vodka (I used Smores)
  • 1 oz Amaretto
  • Top with Milk
  • Garnish with Chocolate Sprinkles and a Wafer Stick

I wish all you little sippers a very merry Christmas. May you each get everything you wanted and more. As for myself, providing Mrs. Sip ends up wearing only tinsel, I’ll be the merriest of us all!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I suppose I went against the whole “White Christmas” theme by adding Chocolate Sprinkles and the Wafer Stick, but all white snowfalls eventually turn a little dirty. The drink tasted really good and wasn’t overly sweet or anything like that.

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December 4 – Eggnog

Music to Your Ears

It seems that a lot of artist’s take the easy route and compile an album of Christmas covers at some point in their career. Here are some of the worst examples of that trend and offerings I suggest you avoid at all cost!

Bob Dylan – Christmas in the Heart

He may be one of the greatest song writers of all-time, but this Christmas offering was just weird. Pa Sip will often play it, but only for everyone to make fun of the legendary performer. This is one of those albums that seemed to simply fulfill a record deal. Dylan’s singing is unintelligible at some points, as if the dude had a mouth full of marbles when hitting the studio. At least all proceeds went to various charities, so credit is deserved there.

David Hasselhoff – The Night Before Christmas

While he’s an icon in Germany, domestically, he’s more a laughingstock. I’d much rather see Hasselhoff barreling down the beach or behind the wheel of a speaking car than stepping up to a microphone… and I don’t even like him as an actor… or any of the shows he’s been on. Perhaps Hasselhoff should stick to bathroom floor cheeseburgers and Rob Ford-esque drunken stupors.

Rosanne Barr – Sings the Christmas Classics

If her infamous rendition of the American national anthem tells us anything, it’s that Roseanne Barr can’t sing worth a lick. I refuse to even sample any of the songs from this album. Just looking at the selections featured on the cover have me nervous. ‘Santa Baby’ should only be sung my sex bomb and *gulp* her ‘12 Days of Christmas’ is a freakin’ “extended version”!

Kickin’ Kazoos – Kazoo Christmas

I don’t know why everyone has such harsh critiques for the kazoo. Wrestler’s Edge and Christian use to play a mean kazoo… for humourous effect, at least. Granted, they only played for brief periods of time and never thought of compiling a 30-minute album devoted to Christmas tunes… if you could even call them that. I think kazoos can only be appreciated by the same people that weren’t annoyed by vuvuzelas during the 2010 World Cup.

Brady Bunch – Christmas with the Brady Bunch

The entire Brady Bunch has the accumulative musical talent of absolutely zero! I bet Marsha gets all the good lines in this release. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha! I hate all those kid sing-a-long albums. I even saw a commercial recently where youngsters were singing song like Macklemore’s ‘Thrift Shop’… what happens when they get to the “this is fuckin’ awesome lyric”!? Such a sad state this world is in.

Various Artists – Yuletide Disco

Disco and Christmas should always have a minimum of 500 meters between them. Mrs. Sip should work on that court order for me!

William Hung – Hung for the Holidays

While the album title is totally wicked, having a guy who can barely speak English (let alone sing it) perform Christmas classics was probably a bad idea from the start. Add the fact that Hung thinks he’s a legitimate talent, while everyone else views him as a total joke and you have a recipe for disaster. The entire entry is only 18 minutes long and ends with Hung belting out Queen’s ‘We Are the Champions’!

RuPaul – Ho Ho Ho

From one train wreck to another… how RuPaul had a career of any sorts, simply by being a drag queen is beyond my comprehension. Perhaps, she (or is it he?) was the beginning of the non-talented celebrity? This chart topper contains such classics as ‘I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus’ and ‘RuPaul the Red-Nosed Drag Queen’. If I find this in my stocking I’ll cancel Christmas for good.

Various Artists – Christmas with Colonel Sanders

Sadly, we’re not just talking about feasting on the Colonel’s original recipe of 11 herbs and spices. Can you believe this is actually a sequel to the album Christmas Day with Colonel Sanders!? I’m not even sure why he gets top billing for both albums, as they seem to be made up of various artist tracks. I guess that’s just the pull the fried chicken magnate had!

Star Wars – Christmas in the Stars

And the songs are sung by the original movie cast? Shut the front door! Yeah, because I want to hear Harrison Ford’s monotone voice belt out the Christmas classics or have R2-D2 beep, bop, and boop his way through my cherished childhood memories. Do they even celebrate Christmas on Tatooine? I seriously doubt it, but don’t care enough about the series to know the answer.

Regis Philbin – The Regis Philbin Christmas Album

I don’t understand the thinking that goes into some of these albums: “Hey, I got a great idea. Let’s take a TV personality who has no musical talent and get them to record a Christmas album.” No matter how famous that person may be, that pile of trash won’t sell. Donald Trump even appears on the album for a rendition of ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ *shudder*.

Yoko Ono – An X-Mas Message from Yoko

I hate Yoko Ono with a passion… and I don’t even care that she’s blamed for breaking up The Beatles. I hate her for everything else she’s plagued upon the world. If I was ever sent a Christmas message from this ogre, I’d use it for its only practical application… as toilet paper. I mean, who the hell uses a pitch black background as cover art to market a Christmas album?

Drink #338: Eggnog

Eggnog Drink Recipe

  • 1.5 oz Rum (I used Malibu Sundae)
  • Top with Eggnog
  • Sprinkle with Nutmeg
  • Garnish with Gingerbread M&Ms

Okay, we spewed some serious venom in this post, so now it’s time to sit back and relax with my Eggnog… given I’m not a huge advocate of the ‘Nog, we could be in for a bumpy ride!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I’m not the type to make eggnog from scratch, so I mooched some of the pre-made stuff off Ma and Pa Sip and came up with this delicacy. It was pretty tasty, especially with Pa Sip’s idea of using Malibu Sundae for the Rum quotient of the recipe. The M&M’s added a nice sweet flavour to each sip, as they melted in the cocktail and not in my hands!