Mixer Mania #8 – Family First

Fruit Punch is like the United Nations of juices, bringing crops of all walks of life together and trying to co-exist in harmony. That also sounds like the description for a blended family… therefore, here are some of the best fictional merged units to ever come together:

The Brady Bunch

The original blended TV family saw a mother and her three daughters join a father and his three sons. Of course, there was also maid Alice to play peacekeeper between the factions, so long as she wasn’t out with boyfriend, Sam the butcher (an awesome wrestling name!). Cousin Oliver later came along, although he basically signaled the end of the series and his name is now used to describe when a show adds a young character to avoid cancellation.

Step Brothers

It’s one thing to find common ground with young children that are suddenly asked to act like kin, but when you’re trying to find peace between two middle-aged slackers still living at home, it can be a total nightmare. Such was the case for Brennan Huff and Dale Doback, as their mother and father, respectively, decide to marry and bring their families together. They do become close, in the end, but the early stages included attempted murder.

step-brothers

Step by Step

An updated 90’s version of The Brady Bunch saw TV darlings Suzanne Somers and Patrick Duffy combine their offspring to make one massive family. Add in cousin Cody – who lives in a van on the Lambert-Foster property, despite their massive house – and you have a pretty large household. This was TGIF programming at its finest, my little sippers, and they even tried to shoehorn a new baby into the show, prior to advance-aging her.

Blended

You’d figure after starring together previously in The Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates that Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore wouldn’t be strangers anymore, but here they were bringing their respective families together in Africa of all places. Sandler, a widower with three daughters is joined by Barrymore and her two sons from a previous marriage and hilarity ensues when they’re placed in a myriad of African mishaps, before falling in love.

X-Men

While not a typical blended family, the students of Charles Xavier’s School for the Gifted are like one big clan, with many of the mutants forced from their birth homes by parents who either can’t handle their child’s extraordinary powers or are too scared to. Sure, things get a little weird when you consider some of the romantic relationships sparked within the group and the jury is still out on whether Professor X is a good father or not.

wolverine-kid

Modern Family

When Jay Pritchett married Gloria Delgado, her son Manny was also part of the deal. Later on, Jay and Gloria have a child of their own to add to the mix. As the show’s name implies, the series includes a number of different family mixes, such as the Dunphy’s – your “typical” family of mom, dad, and three kids – and the Tucker-Pritchett clan, which is comprised of a gay couple and their adopted Vietnamese daughter.

The Cleveland Show

After reuniting with his high school crush, Cleveland Brown and son Cleveland Jr. end up shacking up with Donna Tubbs and her two children from her previous marriage, Roberta and Rallo. The move from Quahog, Rhode Island to Stoolbend, Virginia means a whole new set of family and friends for the Browns, who initially struggle to meld with the Tubbs unit. Eventually, they return to Quahog, as most blended families do when their spinoff is cancelled.

Once Upon A Time

A big theme in Disney animated movies (and the fairy tales that they’re based on) is that of the blended family. Therefore, it’s no surprise that these would be transferred over to the Once Upon A Time world, most notably with Evil Queen Regina becoming the stepmother of Snow White and later sharing mother duties of young Henry with Emma Swan, the boy’s biological mama. Regina also becomes a pseudo mother to Robin Hood’s son.

Mixer Mania #8: Alabama Riot

Alabama Riot.JPG

  • 2 oz Southern Comfort
  • 1 oz Peppermint Schnapps
  • 1 oz Vodka
  • Top with Fruit Punch
  • Splash of Lime Juice
  • Garnish with Strawberry Slices

I must ask, if the world drank more Fruit Punch, would we be more accepting of each other’s differences? Yeah, probably not, but it would be neat if the solution was that simple…

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
With this recipe, I was most curious with how the Peppermint Schnapps would work with the other ingredients. While it actually made a decent partnership with the Fruit Punch, it still remained a little too noticeable. I happy I tried the drink, though.

December 4 – Eggnog

Music to Your Ears

It seems that a lot of artist’s take the easy route and compile an album of Christmas covers at some point in their career. Here are some of the worst examples of that trend and offerings I suggest you avoid at all cost!

Bob Dylan – Christmas in the Heart

He may be one of the greatest song writers of all-time, but this Christmas offering was just weird. Pa Sip will often play it, but only for everyone to make fun of the legendary performer. This is one of those albums that seemed to simply fulfill a record deal. Dylan’s singing is unintelligible at some points, as if the dude had a mouth full of marbles when hitting the studio. At least all proceeds went to various charities, so credit is deserved there.

David Hasselhoff – The Night Before Christmas

While he’s an icon in Germany, domestically, he’s more a laughingstock. I’d much rather see Hasselhoff barreling down the beach or behind the wheel of a speaking car than stepping up to a microphone… and I don’t even like him as an actor… or any of the shows he’s been on. Perhaps Hasselhoff should stick to bathroom floor cheeseburgers and Rob Ford-esque drunken stupors.

Rosanne Barr – Sings the Christmas Classics

If her infamous rendition of the American national anthem tells us anything, it’s that Roseanne Barr can’t sing worth a lick. I refuse to even sample any of the songs from this album. Just looking at the selections featured on the cover have me nervous. ‘Santa Baby’ should only be sung my sex bomb and *gulp* her ‘12 Days of Christmas’ is a freakin’ “extended version”!

Kickin’ Kazoos – Kazoo Christmas

I don’t know why everyone has such harsh critiques for the kazoo. Wrestler’s Edge and Christian use to play a mean kazoo… for humourous effect, at least. Granted, they only played for brief periods of time and never thought of compiling a 30-minute album devoted to Christmas tunes… if you could even call them that. I think kazoos can only be appreciated by the same people that weren’t annoyed by vuvuzelas during the 2010 World Cup.

Brady Bunch – Christmas with the Brady Bunch

The entire Brady Bunch has the accumulative musical talent of absolutely zero! I bet Marsha gets all the good lines in this release. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha! I hate all those kid sing-a-long albums. I even saw a commercial recently where youngsters were singing song like Macklemore’s ‘Thrift Shop’… what happens when they get to the “this is fuckin’ awesome lyric”!? Such a sad state this world is in.

Various Artists – Yuletide Disco

Disco and Christmas should always have a minimum of 500 meters between them. Mrs. Sip should work on that court order for me!

William Hung – Hung for the Holidays

While the album title is totally wicked, having a guy who can barely speak English (let alone sing it) perform Christmas classics was probably a bad idea from the start. Add the fact that Hung thinks he’s a legitimate talent, while everyone else views him as a total joke and you have a recipe for disaster. The entire entry is only 18 minutes long and ends with Hung belting out Queen’s ‘We Are the Champions’!

RuPaul – Ho Ho Ho

From one train wreck to another… how RuPaul had a career of any sorts, simply by being a drag queen is beyond my comprehension. Perhaps, she (or is it he?) was the beginning of the non-talented celebrity? This chart topper contains such classics as ‘I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus’ and ‘RuPaul the Red-Nosed Drag Queen’. If I find this in my stocking I’ll cancel Christmas for good.

Various Artists – Christmas with Colonel Sanders

Sadly, we’re not just talking about feasting on the Colonel’s original recipe of 11 herbs and spices. Can you believe this is actually a sequel to the album Christmas Day with Colonel Sanders!? I’m not even sure why he gets top billing for both albums, as they seem to be made up of various artist tracks. I guess that’s just the pull the fried chicken magnate had!

Star Wars – Christmas in the Stars

And the songs are sung by the original movie cast? Shut the front door! Yeah, because I want to hear Harrison Ford’s monotone voice belt out the Christmas classics or have R2-D2 beep, bop, and boop his way through my cherished childhood memories. Do they even celebrate Christmas on Tatooine? I seriously doubt it, but don’t care enough about the series to know the answer.

Regis Philbin – The Regis Philbin Christmas Album

I don’t understand the thinking that goes into some of these albums: “Hey, I got a great idea. Let’s take a TV personality who has no musical talent and get them to record a Christmas album.” No matter how famous that person may be, that pile of trash won’t sell. Donald Trump even appears on the album for a rendition of ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ *shudder*.

Yoko Ono – An X-Mas Message from Yoko

I hate Yoko Ono with a passion… and I don’t even care that she’s blamed for breaking up The Beatles. I hate her for everything else she’s plagued upon the world. If I was ever sent a Christmas message from this ogre, I’d use it for its only practical application… as toilet paper. I mean, who the hell uses a pitch black background as cover art to market a Christmas album?

Drink #338: Eggnog

Eggnog Drink Recipe

  • 1.5 oz Rum (I used Malibu Sundae)
  • Top with Eggnog
  • Sprinkle with Nutmeg
  • Garnish with Gingerbread M&Ms

Okay, we spewed some serious venom in this post, so now it’s time to sit back and relax with my Eggnog… given I’m not a huge advocate of the ‘Nog, we could be in for a bumpy ride!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I’m not the type to make eggnog from scratch, so I mooched some of the pre-made stuff off Ma and Pa Sip and came up with this delicacy. It was pretty tasty, especially with Pa Sip’s idea of using Malibu Sundae for the Rum quotient of the recipe. The M&M’s added a nice sweet flavour to each sip, as they melted in the cocktail and not in my hands!

November 30 – Re-Run

Crossover Calamity

Last week (Nov. 21) was World Television Day and I passed over it in favour of dedicating myself to Whiskey Week. That transgression has bugged me since and must be remedied. I love TV. It is by far my favourite entertainment option, far surpassing movies, music, and reading, with food, sex, and sports receiving brief shout outs. In belated honour of that special day, here are some of the oddest crossover partnerships, most of which have occurred on the small screen!

Baywatch – World Championship Wrestling

It would be so bizarre if you were hanging out at the beach, enjoying some sand and surf, when all of a sudden a 400-pound professional wrestler – fully decked out in his ring gear – storms the coastline to confront his enemy. You see, at the time, Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage were hanging out with Mitch Buchannon and the chest-tacular babes of Baywatch. Of course, challenges were made and a ring constructed, with the good guys triumphing over evil and sending them packing with sand in their tights.

WCW Baywatch

Come on Hulkster… nobody wants to see you run along the beach!

Scooby Doo – Harlem Globetrotters, Batman and Robin, Laurel and Hardy, The Addams Family, The Three Stooges

The Scooby Gang can be credited with having the most bizarre partnerships in the history of sleuthing. They’ve crossed numerous mediums to ruin the schemes of creepy, old men, who just want their share of a town’s or family’s riches. I think the most bizarre of these associations would have to be The Addams Family, as Scooby and Shaggy wouldn’t be able to be around the spooky clan… unless there was just enough Scooby Snacks to keep them occupied.

X-Files – The Simpsons

While this was a very well done crossover, the fact that dry FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully even ventured into the chaotic town of Springfield seems like an odd choice at first glance. Investigating Homer Simpson’s claims of seeing an alien-like figure that has a sweet and heavenly voice and appears every Friday night like Steve Urkel, the X-Files tandem discovers that the extraterrestrial is in fact only Mr. Burns, who is let loose following his weekly longevity treatment.

Springfield Files

Superman and Wonder Woman – The Brady Bunch

Why Superman and Wonder Woman would bother to waste their time helping the snot-nosed kids of the Brady Bunch will forever remain a mystery. Perhaps it was a slow day for the Justice League or they were fumigating the Fortress of Solitude or something. I just feel that Superman and Wonder Woman could have spent the day doing anything else – from bumping uglies to running errands – and it would have turned out better.

Archie – The Punisher

Why these two entities would ever need to cross paths is something I can’t fathom. Was Archie searching for vigilante justice after Jughead ate him out of house and home? Did he finally have enough of that prick Reggie? Perhaps Betty and Veronica were tired of clashing in their pursuit of a fair-skinned ginger and decided to rid the world of the guy, via a murder-for-hire plot. In actuality, The Punisher is searching for a notorious drug deal named Red, who (get ready for the hilarious misunderstandings) just happens to look like Archie. As if junkies would ever buy product off a guy that looked like Archie!

archie punisher

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Power Rangers

I guess if you suspend your disbelief enough (or take some hallucinogenic drugs), anything is possible. And that was the theory that went behind the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles teaming with the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. The two sides actually have more in common than you’d think: they’re teenagers, have martial arts training, use weaponry, enjoy pizza… you know, all the important stuff.

Superman – Muhammad Ali

While most would side with Muhammad Ali in regards to any battle he entered, it’s hard to do so when he’s up against a completely invincible being like Superman. This was such a mismatched fight that I hope Ali immediately fired all his representation. Even Don King would have been able to see the writing on the wall and he’s a selfish loser with only his own best interest in mind. I just hope the prize money was worth the walloping Ali was in for.

Drink #334: Re-Run

Re-Run Shooter

  • 0.75 oz Hpnotiq Liqueur
  • 0.25 oz Rum
  • Top with Pineapple Juice
  • Dash of Grenadine
  • Garnish with Pineapple Candy

Which befuddling crossovers have I missed? Please send them my way, as I’m always looking for inebriated viewing ideas!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This shot was pretty decent on the taste scale. The citrus-flavoured Hpnotiq went well with the other ingredients and on the plus side, the combination didn’t come across as too sweet. I’ve been trying, when Grenadine is an ingredient, to not overwhelm anything recipes with the substance and that worked to perfection here.