December 15 – The Mistletoe

All I Want for Christmas

As I researched my post on the worst Christmas albums, I came across a ton of horrible cover art that just has to be shared with all you little sippers. Prepare to be horrified and delighted all at the same time!

Rudy Ray Moore – This Ain’t No White Christmas

This Ain't No White Christmas

Horrible cover, but absolutely amazing idea! I need to get Mrs. Sip on board with Rudy Ray Moore’s idea of holiday attire. Who exactly is Rudy Ray Moore, you might be asking? Well, my little sippers, Mr. Moore is the legendary Dolemite, one of the most famous blaxploitation characters. This Ain’t No White Christmas is one of Moore’s comedy releases and features a two-part ‘The Night Before Christmas’.

Lenny Dee – Happy Holi-dee

happy-holi-dee

He didn’t even bother to put on the friggin’ Santa beard! Or, perhaps, the dogs he’s holding yanked it off and he said, “You know what, fuck it! Take the damn picture and let’s get out of here.” Dee’s Wikipedia page says that he was a virtuoso organist… Mrs. Sip would say the same about me! Happy Holi-dee isn’t Dee’s only release to incorporate his last name. He also had Dee-Lightful, Dee-Lirious, Dee-Licious, Dee-Frosting, and many more.

Thore Skogmans Julskiva – Klappa Pa!

Klappa Pa

Here’s all the meat I’ll be sexually gratifying you with… what’s that? You aren’t into meat loving? Oh, I guess I’m alone in that regard. Perhaps I’m being too hard on Thore here. He just looks like a happy-go-lucky dude who really enjoys meat and Christmas feasts. Klappa Pa sounds like something you’d hear at a German beer hall and that’s all well and good, but it’s certainly not something I’d want to get my stein on to.

William Hung – Hung for the Holidays

Hung for the Holidays

They made William Hung look like the worst South Park character ever… not that that was a really hard task. This whole idea was thrown together so quickly trying to capitalize on Hung’s 15 minutes of fame. The cover art for Hung for the Holidays might actually make the tracks on the album seem better. I hope nobody has to spend Christmas with William Hung because you know he’d be trying to share this drivel with any unfortunate guests.

Slim Whitman – Christmas with Slim Whitman

Christmas with Slim Whitman

His eyes say “you’ll be safe with me”, but his smile says “I will rape you”. And what a freakin’ awesome name! Seriously, this name would mean instant respect in any professional world, from journalism to porn. Whitman reminds me of Dan Aykroyd’s Saturday Night Live character Fred Garvin, male prostitute. To be fair, Christmas with Slim Whitman shows us not to judge a book by it’s cover, as Whitman’s voice doesn’t match the sex offender image he presents.

Drink #349: The Mistletoe

The Mistletoe Drink Recipe

After checking out this list, you’d probably agree with me that it’s a good thing cover art for music releases is largely a thing of the past thanks to the death of the album, tape, and CD.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail was pretty refreshing and I’ve always liked how Grey Goose Cherry Noir and Sweet & Sour Mix work together. The Club Soda gave the drink a nice level of fizz, while not distracting from the taste of any of the other ingredients. I also really like my simple but effective garnishing of the cocktail.

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November 27 – Sweet Tart

The Dumb Things You’ll Do

Recently, Mrs. Sip and I stumbled across an article titled: 24 Things You Only Do When You’re Drunk. Well, my little sippers, being an expert of sorts, I decided to see how accurate this listing is. Here are the results:

Become indiscriminately amorous – With Mrs. Sip, hell yeah… but she’ll be the first to tell you that activity isn’t reserved for moments of inebriation.

Amorous

Dance aggressively, with no respect for other people’s personal space – I would say I’ve never done this, but video evidence from my 30th birthday in Hawaii says otherwise!

Attempt choreographed dance moves with your friends – While I have doubts about debunking the previous entry, I can definitely say I’ve never done choreography.

Suddenly remember a key skill from your youth, and insist on demonstrating it – Okay, guilty as charged on this one… it seems I can’t go one really good boozing night without busting out a handstand or high dive. Luckily I usually have Ma and Pa Sip’s pool around for that diving stuff!

Impulse-buy stupid things on Amazon/eBay – I’ve never really been an online shopper. Impulsive food, drink, and snack shopping is as far as I go.

Convince yourself that karaoke is a good idea – I don’t think I’m alone when I say that the only times (unfortunately pluralized) I’ve ever done karaoke are when I’ve been on a bender.

karaoke translation

Have a nice lie down in the street – I wish I couldn’t say I’d done this, but once again, photo evidence does not lie. During my bachelor party in Seattle, I went for a brief concrete nap before my buddies picked me up and got me back to our hotel!

Chat to complete strangers in the toilets – I’m not ashamed to admit this has happened, but I’m never the one to spark up a conversation, merely just a somewhat willing participant in replying.

Regard a Jägerbomb with anything other than fear and revulsion – I don’t know why Jagerbombs get such a bad rap. I’ve never viewed them with fear and revulsion and I’m just as likely to participate in dropping one at the start of the night as I am a few drinks deep.

Overshare on Facebook – I don’t think I’ve ever crossed this blurred line. My life is a pretty open book however, so perhaps I’ve offended without ever meaning to.

Leave a mean comment on someone else’s status – You better believe I’ve wanted to do this, especially to a certain someone who I won’t name here, but it’s not in my nature.

facebook-wrong

Tweet something dumb that you’ll regret in the morning – I only tweet about this wonderful site’s posts and trust me, I never regret any of that work!

Make unwanted physical advances – What are we talking about here? How physical does an advance have to be before it’s unwanted? I’m going do a little experiment the next time I’m blasted.

Have arguments about trivial things that escalate really dramatically and end up breaking a decade-long friendship – This is what my relationship to Mrs. Sip is all about, minus the break-ups. In the end, she knows that I’m always right!

Tell your friends exactly what you think of them – Uh, yeah, they’re all pretty wicked, thanks for asking!

Buy endless rounds, as if money has no meaning – I take my turn in chipping in for pitchers and am very generous with my ample collection at The Sip Advisor headquarters, but I’ve never been one to order countless rounds… unless at an open bar!

funny-bar-sign

Decide that somebody is your soulmate forever, despite only having just met them in a taxi queue – This would only occur if I’m so smashed I don’t remember who Mrs. Sip is. It hasn’t happened yet, to my knowledge.

Make really brilliant plans that you then forget the next day – I make SO many brilliant plans that there’s no way I’m going to remember all of them. It should be noted that Mrs. Sip and I aren’t the type of people to make those crazy drunken plans and not follow through with them.

Share your innermost feelings – I remember getting plastered on my 19th birthday and writing this long rambling message to Mrs. Sip (who had recently left for England to do a year studying abroad). It was very personal… so personal I had a friend spellcheck it for me because I could barely type at that point. I’m still surprised she’s stuck with me!

Reveal inappropriate secrets – Mrs. Sip will verify that I’m the least gossipy person you could ever meet. I just don’t care to share other people’s private info. I’m a virtual lock box, baby!

great-at-keeping-secrets

Carry home something random you found in the street – I’ve never really been a collector of found items. I’m just not interested in the time it would take to stop, examine something, take it, and find a place for it at home.

Ask the cab driver to put on Magic FM, and could he please turn it up – I don’t even know what Magic FM is and I usually appreciate whatever the cabbie is listening to, particularly if it’s in a foreign language!

Fall asleep on public transport and wake up at the end of the line – I’m not shy about my disdain for public transport, so there’s no way in hell, no matter how shitfaced I am, that I would ever fall asleep on a vehicle and not make my stop.

Text your ex – I’ve never had an ex (yet!), so this doesn’t really apply to me, unless you count the odd time I’ve messaged a friend I haven’t seen or heard from in a while because it just felt like a good time to do so!

Drink #331: Sweet Tart

Sweet Tart Cocktail

  • 0.75 oz Vodka (I used Grey Goose Cherry Noir)
  • 0.75 oz Midori
  • Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
  • Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
  • Garnish with Sweet Tarts

Perhaps today’s drink will give you the impetus to see how many of these you can knock off the checklist! Happy drinking!!!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4.5 Sips out of 5):
There are numerous recipes for the Sweet Tart drink. In fact, every recipe seems to have some variation. Deciding on which to use depends on your preference of ingredients and which elements you have on hand. I thoroughly suggest using my version of the martini because it was absolutely delicious and tasted exactly like a Sweet Tart. Don’t trust me? Make one for yourself!

October 22 – Tootsie Pop

Candy Mascots

While every brand of cereal seems to have had a mascot for commercial purposes, finding mascots in the world of candy proved to be a little more difficult. Still, after diligent research, here are some of the best of the bunch:

Bart Simpson – Butterfinger

A lot of companies have capitalized on the enduring success of The Simpsons, highlighted by Bart Simpson becoming the mascot for Butterfinger chocolate bars. Most commercials would feature Homer trying to get his grubby paws on Bart’s chocolate, only to be thwarted by his rotten son. Then, Bart would deliver a catchphrase like “Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger!” After 12 years of disassociation, Bart will return to the brand sometime in the very near future.

Butterfinger-Bart Simpson

Mr. Owl – Tootsie Pops

This pompous prick of a bird (aren’t they all horrible) took pride in stealing people’s Tootsie Pops, licking them twice and then chomping into the entire treat. Meanwhile dumb kids stood around seeing if the vermin would solve the age old question of how many licks it takes to get to the center of the lollipop. Thanks to Mr. Owl’s lack of cooperation, Universities have actually wasted time testing Tootsie Pops lickability with widely ranging results. Some studies say it only takes 150-350 licks, while others say it’s in the thousands.

Red and Yellow – M&Ms

Red and Yellow are a comedic pair with Red being a smart ass leader to Yellow’s less intelligent lackey persona. This usually means that Red gets the guys into some sort of trouble, despite Yellow’s warning of issues ahead. M&Ms have also added Green, Brown, Blue, and Orange characters over the years. Brown is probably the most recognizable as she’s a sassy female, spurning the advances of men who want to be with the candy-coated snack.

Yipes – Fruit Stripe Gum

Yipes the Fruit Stripe zebra has outlasted his entire family to remain as the sole mascot of the brand. He was originally introduced with Connor the Tiger, as well as an unnamed elephant and mouse. Yipes is known to be quite active, as tattoos packaged with the gum portray him rollerblading, snowboarding, playing sports, and, of course, eating grass. Using the zebra mascot, Fruit Stripe raised $100,000 for the preservation of endangered animals in 1996.

Fruit_Stripe

Bazooka Joe – Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum

Starting in 1954, Bazooka Joe appeared on comic strips wrapped around pieces of Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum, along with characters such as Pesty, Mort, Hungry Herman, Toughie, and Walkie Talkie. The comics were discontinued in 2012 thanks to a drop in bubble gum sales (a sad day, indeed!). Despite losing his comic strip gig, rumours have circulated that Bazooka Joe may have a future in the movie industry. Plans for a film adaptation of the comics were announced in 2009.

Floyd D. Duck – Bubble Yum

This water bird is one bad ass punk, complete with nose ring, frosted tip mohawk, spiked collar, and… ankle bracelet??? Isn’t an ankle bracelet something you’d expect a young, sexually-charged female ducky to be adorning? Anyway, Floyd D. Duck blows bubbles in the face of authority and won’t take any guff from pigs – both the animal kind and the police variety. Can ducks even blow bubbles? It seems like a beak of that size would prevent the lip formations necessary for bubble making.

Floyd D. Duck

Willy Wonka – Willy Wonka Candy Company

The candy company born from Roald Dahl’s classic children’s novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory came into being in 1971, the same time the first film based on the novel was released. With Willy Wonka, the new enterprise had a perfect mascot and spokesman already built in. Being portrayed by Gene Wilder and Johnny Depp doesn’t hurt, either. Today, the company sells products such as Nerds, Gobstoppers, Laffy Taffy, Pixy Stix, Runts, and Kazoozles… everything you’d expect from the eccentric candy mogul.

Freddo – Cadbury’s Freddo

Mrs. Sip and I first learned of Freddo the Frog when she was spending a semester in Australia. Apparently the frog-shaped chocolate bars are also sold in New Zealand, Ireland, the U.K., and Zimbabwe, of all places. Freddo has been featured in two online animated series, expanding his backstory, and was even part of Cadbury’s 2006 recall over a possible salmonella scare. That’s one crazy life for this amphibian.

Drink #295: Tootsie Pop

Tootsie Pop Drink Recipe

  • 0.5 oz Chambord
  • 0.5 oz Amaretto
  • Splash of Vodka
  • Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
  • Splash of Cola
  • Garnish with a Tootsie Pop

It seems like candy mascots got their greatest availability of work from bubble gum products. Remember that the next time you’re trying to scrape the stuff off of the bottom of your shoes or you touch a gob of gum left under a table or seat by some inconsiderate asshole!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail tasted like a Tootsie Pop and I loved eating the suckers I used for garnishing after the drink was done. It heightened the entire experience. Perhaps most enjoyable with the drink was how Chambord and Sweet & Sour Mix work together for a sour raspberry flavour.

October 14 – Green Gobbler

Pilgrim Party

Today is Canadian Thanksgiving and while it’s not the tradition that the American version has grown to be, it does provide an extra day off and a chance to reflect on the things we’re thankful for. Here’s my list:

Mrs. Sip

Although we are going through a trial separation (ie. she’s taken off on one of her world travels and left me to look after the house, pets, kids, and savings – if we had any of those things), I have to single her out as my greatest thing to be thankful for. She is my muse, my benefactor, and my raison d’etre. Now get your butt back home so you can sample all the wonderful creations this shambled mind is coming up with!

Muse

Family and Friends (aka The Sip Alliance)

I have some of the greatest family and friends anyone could ever dream up and I challenge anyone to top what I have been blessed with. The Sip Alliance has greatly supported me in my expedition to present a new cocktail every day to the wild, wild web. From shooting me ideas, to providing me with new alcohols to experiment with, I have the best pit crew a liquor jockey could ever ask for.

All My Little Sippers

This website has been a smashing success, in my honest opinion. Our stats continue to improve and I have all you readers to thank for that. I’m sure you’re asking yourself: “How can I support the Sip Advisor more?” Well, unless you’re Scrooge McDuck and want to sponsor my endeavours, you could at least like us on Facebook, sign up to follow the blog, or just continue to check back when you’re in the need of some info-tainment!

so many fans

Freedom

While I may not agree with the choices of many (your vegetarians and what have you), I’m happy to live in a time and place where people have the right to be who they want to be and what they want to be. When I declared to the world (well, perhaps it was more of a small gathering) that I intended to drink 365 cocktails in the calendar year of 2013, nobody told me I wasn’t allowed to do that (although they probably should have!) and all I received was love and support.

Deep Fryers

Can you imagine life without these wonderful machines? I surely can’t. How would I get my fries or chicken strips or even tempura vegetables? Most of you have heard the harrowing tale of my quest to get a deep fryer – despite Mrs. Sip’s opposition – going so far as to petition the internet to support my cause. While we came up short in our pursuit, I still have much love for one of the greatest inventions in history.

cat-wants-a-deep-fryer

Sauces

Do you remember that scene in Fight Club, where Edward Norton’s character describes the contents of his fridge and it’s basically stuffed with condiments? That might as well be me on some occasions. I’m a full ranking member of the sauce nation. I love so many of these concoctions, that I mix and match them like women do with their clothing and I get giddy when I discover a new item I want to purchase.

Comedy

Laughing soothes the soul and therefore I surround myself with as much funny material as I possibly can. From trips to the local comedy club, to sitting back with a few of my old animated friends (The Simpsons, American Dad, Archer, etc.), rarely does a moment go by where I’m not getting in a good chuckle. I often break out into hysterical laughter in the middle of a quiet work day, leaving my colleagues to ponder my mental state!

Drink #287: Green Gobbler

Green Gobbler Drink Recipe

  • 0.75 oz Raspberry Vodka
  • 0.75 oz Pumpkin Pie Vodka
  • Splash of Blue Curacao
  • Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
  • Garnish with Berries

What are you thankful for on this most glorious of days away from work (aren’t they all wonderful)? Enjoy your feast!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
Perhaps this isn’t the most traditional Thanksgiving recipe I could have used, but the mix of flavours intrigued me and so I went for it. The drink was only okay, as I didn’t taste the Pumpkin Pie Vodka as much as I hoped I would. It was kind of subdued by all the citrus and berry notes.

October 10 – Simpson & Son Revitalizing Tonic

Cocktail Creations

There are some pretty interesting fictional cocktails out their in media land. I vow to try each and every one of them eventually. Here’s what made it to the top of the wishlist!

Flaming Homer/Moe – The Simpsons

When Homer Simpson is stuck at home with his terrible step-sisters and not a drop of beer to be found, he panics and puts together a cocktail made of all the booze he has left, accidentally adding some children’s cough medicine to the mix. Ash from one of his step-sister’s cigarettes lights the concoction on fire and makes it taste amazing. When Homer shares the recipe with bartender Moe Szyslak, Moe steals the drink and markets it as a Flaming Moe, gaining fame and fortune until Homer reveals the secret ingredient as revenge.

Flaming-Moe

The Flaming Moe is actually served at Universal Studios: Florida… another reason to go back to that amazing park!

Screaming Viking – Cheers

When Cheers has one bartender too many, the regulars want to keep Woody Boyd on the job over newcomer Wayne. When Wayne bets his job against being able to make any drink ordered, the Cheers gang makes up this cocktail on the fly in order to throw Wayne off. Of course, it’s pretty hard to replicate a recipe that doesn’t exist. The drink has since been produced by a couple of bars with varying recipes. Unless it’s served while you’re saddled up between Norm Peterson and Cliff Clavin, it just wouldn’t feel right.

Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Invented by Zaphod Beeblebrox, the drink is described as “the alcoholic equivalent of a mugging – expensive and bad for the head” and it “is like having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick”. The drink has been created in reality for stage productions of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and at bars around the world. Suggested recipes I was able to find largely just throw a ton of different boozes into the mix.

Green Russian – Archer

Absinthe and milk… a winning combination? Just think about it, you get your daily calcium nourishment, as well as an elixir meant to make you trip balls. This potent cocktail is the invention of Pam Poovey, director of human resources at the ISIS spy agency. Pam can often be seen walking around bars with her own personal booze chilling units, so it’s no surprise she is a liquor hound. She will even pour absinthe directly into a carton of milk! There are other Green Russian recipes available online, but I think Pam was on the right track with her rendition.

green-russians

Kidney Killer – American Dad

Francine Smith was once a hard-partying girl along with her partner in crime Kelly Wilk. When Kelly comes back into Francine’s life, the two try to recreate their wild times, with Haley Smith insisting she can keep up with the women. Haley drinks the fabled Kidney Killer and winds up in need of a kidney that Francine can’t offer, herself a victim of the booze. There is a Kidney Killer recipe on the internet. It combines tequila and Southern Comfort into a shot glass. The jury’s out as to how many you need to drink to actually kill your kidney!

Thankstini – How I Met Your Mother

This martini of vodka, cranberry juice and a bouillion cube is perfect for celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday. It’s like having a home-cooked family meal in a cocktail glass. Inventor Barney Stinson has provided me with the perfect libation for upcoming Thanksgiving celebrations. All that’s missing is the turkey, potatoes and stuffing, but I’m working on it. Stinson also has drink suggestions for Christmas, Arbor Day, Independence Day, and Ramadan!

Drink #283: Simpson & Son Revitalizing Tonic

Simpson & Son Revitalizing Tonic Drink Recipe

  • 1.5 oz Vodka (I used Smirnoff Blueberry)
  • 1 oz Southern Comfort
  • Top with half Orange Juice and half Sweet & Sour Mix
  • Splash of Grenadine
  • Garnish with Berries

Look forward to future posts about fictional companies, restaurants, sports teams, sodas, and just about anything else this old, battered mind can think up!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
Sadly, the tonic didn’t send Mrs. Sip and myself into the throes of passion (as it worked in the cartoon… let down by TV once again!). Despite that small discrepancy, this drink was pretty good. All the citrus and berry notes were very enjoyable and the liquors did their jobs, as well.

October 2 – Raspberry Dew Drop

Seasonal Mythology

Greek mythology is pretty crazy. Somehow, some way, the myths can explain why everything exists today… including each of the four seasons. Here is the mythological explanation for all seasons:

Winter

The story goes like this: Hades, that underworld bad ass (he even has his own beer), kidnaps Persephone to be his wife (if only it were that easy!). Zeus, that omnipotent ruler, decrees that Persephone should be returned to her mother Demeter (also the goddess of earth). Hades tricks Persephone into eating the food of the dead, which I guess is a mix of bleu cheese and expired fruit, and that means she has to stay in the underworld. In one of the earliest examples of a child custody agreement, Zeus gives both Hades and Demeter half the year to have Persephone. Demeter gets all hormonal and moody when Persephone is with Hades and creates winter. So, if you’re not a fan of sweaters, indoor heating, and ice scrapers, you have Hades to blame for your own misery.

die-winter

Spring

Sticking with the whole Hades-Persephone-Demeter soap opera storyline, when Persephone returns to her mother Demeter, Demeter gets off her lazy ass and starts feeding mankind again, tending to the various harvests that must be maintained. I guess she had a serious case of empty nest syndrome. Moving on, the world become luscious again and people fatten themselves up, not knowing that summer is around the corner and they better start pulling out their Ab Rollers, Bowflexes, and ThighMasters, again. Next time Mrs. Sip complains of eating too much, I’ll just reference the gods and be done with it.

Summer

The happy times for Persephone and Demeter continue through the wonderful summer, where everyone on earth is happy and frolicking naked (by the way, all you little sippers should see the Sip Advisor frolic… it is a sight to behold… perhaps without the naked part) amongst the tall grass, hot temperatures and warm breezes. Hades is lurking in the shadows, however, and Persephone will soon be his again. For the time being everyone enjoys the bliss of sweet summer and forgets their troubles.

summer-is-ok

Fall

Persephone must be returned to the underworld and Hades (her father figure-wannabe husband-captor) couldn’t be happier with his prize. Demeter suffers from separation anxiety and doesn’t want to be alone in her misery, so she makes everyone else have to battle bouts of seasonal affective disorder (SAD… not to be confused with SADS – Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome). Just as people think things couldn’t get any worse, they are reminded of Demeter’s behaviour the previous year and folks begin to dread the newly dubbed ‘winter’ that is approaching. As they say on Game of Thrones and I like to bug Mrs. Sip by repeating at inappropriate times: “Winter is coming!

Drink #275: Raspberry Dew Drop

Raspberry Dew Drop Drink Recipe

  • 1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka (I used Absolut)
  • Top with Cranberry Juice
  • Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
  • Garnish with Raspberries and Lemon Slices

Well, I hope you liked that eschewed view of seasonal changes… thanks for nothing Demeter!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I felt this drink nicely captured the changing of the seasons, although it works best when winter turns into spring. It certainly tasted fantastic and the look came together really well with all the garnishes!

September 25 – Mojo

Aphrodisiastic

I’m the kind of guy that’s ready to go at all hours of the day. I don’t need any food, drink, or other item to ‘put me in the mood’. I’ve come to understand that not everyone is as awesome as the Sip Advisor and therefore, I’m here to help all you little sippers out there that need an extra boost to get your mojo fired up. Here is an examination of some of the many items purported to help with libido!:

Chocolate – Named an aphrodisiac by women just so they can stuff their faces with the stuff and have an excuse to do so. In the end, they just complain they’re too full and not in any mood for making whoopee.

chocolate-aphrodisiac

Oysters – Well, I suppose the whole ‘slimy substance travelling down your throat’ could be practice for fun times later?

Spicy Peppers – These are sure to simulate some part of the body!

Snake Blood – Why not drink the snake’s venom, as well!? I think the only reason snake’s blood is an aphrodisiac is because once you kill one, your heart is pumping so fast you’d be ready to bed a rhino.

Dried Tiger Penis – Oh sure, this will be an easy find. Tiger’s are cuddly and approachable right!? Just like stuffed animals!

No, not that Tiger!

Bull Genitals – Why do all these cultures think that consumption of animal junk will make them more virile?

Spanish Fly – The European Blister Beetle can apparently provide a long-lasting erection that will later require medical attention. Is it worth it?

Fetal Duck Egg – Thanks for this haunting image, Asia. Apparently the fetal duck is most potent after 17 days, begging the question: who tests this stuff?

Stewed Crocodile – Sure crocs are cold-blooded killers, but I really don’t see that translating into sexual prowess, unless you plan on holding your lover underwater until they’re unconscious first.

crocodile toy

Looks like kitty got the message!

Leaf-Cutter Ants – At least they’re supposed to taste like bacon when roasted.

Deep-Fried Tarantula – I’m pretty sure Mrs. Sip would kick me out of our place if I even suggested deep-fried tarantula for snack time. I bet it won’t be long before this delicacy is being served at fairs around the world, right next to those deep-fried Mars bars!

Ambergris – This solid, waxy substance is either regurgitated or defecated by sperm whales… you know what, you already lost me…

Pumpkin Pie – So I guess people are only going to get laid around Thanksgiving… at least they’ll have something to be thankful for!

Pineapple – I always told Mrs. Sip that she should get into Hawaiian pizza. It’s tough when you’re always right!

Drink #268: Mojo

Sept 25

  • 1 oz Rum
  • 1 oz Cherry Liqueur
  • Top with Beer
  • Splash of Cola
  • Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
  • Splash of Orange Juice
  • Splash of Pineapple Juice
  • Garnish with Tiger Penis (kidding!)

Why can’t things like hamburgers and hot dogs be aphrodisiacs? Why does it always have to be the weird stuff!? I’m going to go find me some ambergris and pester Mrs. Sip for a little roll in the hay!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Wow, this cocktail was good. I was weary of how it would turn out given how many ingredients it called for and which ingredients you were expected to be mixing together, but I really enjoyed the finished product. Cola and Beer mix together much better than I could have ever imagined!