October 14 – Green Gobbler

Posted on October 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Pilgrim Party

Today is Canadian Thanksgiving and while it’s not the tradition that the American version has grown to be, it does provide an extra day off and a chance to reflect on the things we’re thankful for. Here’s my list:

Mrs. Sip

Although we are going through a trial separation (ie. she’s taken off on one of her world travels and left me to look after the house, pets, kids, and savings – if we had any of those things), I have to single her out as my greatest thing to be thankful for. She is my muse, my benefactor, and my raison d’etre. Now get your butt back home so you can sample all the wonderful creations this shambled mind is coming up with!

Family and Friends (aka The Sip Alliance)

I have some of the greatest family and friends anyone could ever dream up and I challenge anyone to top what I have been blessed with. The Sip Alliance has greatly supported me in my expedition to present a new cocktail every day to the wild, wild web. From shooting me ideas, to providing me with new alcohols to experiment with, I have the best pit crew a liquor jockey could ever ask for.

All My Little Sippers

This website has been a smashing success, in my honest opinion. Our stats continue to improve and I have all you readers to thank for that. I’m sure you’re asking yourself: “How can I support the Sip Advisor more?” Well, unless you’re Scrooge McDuck and want to sponsor my endeavours, you could at least like us on Facebook, sign up to follow the blog, or just continue to check back when you’re in the need of some info-tainment!

Freedom

While I may not agree with the choices of many (your vegetarians and what have you), I’m happy to live in a time and place where people have the right to be who they want to be and what they want to be. When I declared to the world (well, perhaps it was more of a small gathering) that I intended to drink 365 cocktails in the calendar year of 2013, nobody told me I wasn’t allowed to do that (although they probably should have!) and all I received was love and support.

Deep Fryers

Can you imagine life without these wonderful machines? I surely can’t. How would I get my fries or chicken strips or even tempura vegetables? Most of you have heard the harrowing tale of my quest to get a deep fryer – despite Mrs. Sip’s opposition – going so far as to petition the internet to support my cause. While we came up short in our pursuit, I still have much love for one of the greatest inventions in history.

Sauces

Do you remember that scene in Fight Club, where Edward Norton’s character describes the contents of his fridge and it’s basically stuffed with condiments? That might as well be me on some occasions. I’m a full ranking member of the sauce nation. I love so many of these concoctions, that I mix and match them like women do with their clothing and I get giddy when I discover a new item I want to purchase.

Comedy

Laughing soothes the soul and therefore I surround myself with as much funny material as I possibly can. From trips to the local comedy club, to sitting back with a few of my old animated friends (The Simpsons, American Dad, Archer, etc.), rarely does a moment go by where I’m not getting in a good chuckle. I often break out into hysterical laughter in the middle of a quiet work day, leaving my colleagues to ponder my mental state!

Drink #287: Green Gobbler

0.75 oz Raspberry Vodka
0.75 oz Pumpkin Pie Vodka
Splash of Blue Curacao
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Berries

What are you thankful for on this most glorious of days away from work (aren’t they all wonderful)? Enjoy your feast!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
Perhaps this isn’t the most traditional Thanksgiving recipe I could have used, but the mix of flavours intrigued me and so I went for it. The drink was only okay, as I didn’t taste the Pumpkin Pie Vodka as much as I hoped I would. It was kind of subdued by all the citrus and berry notes.

October 10 – Simpson & Son Revitalizing Tonic

Posted on October 10, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Cocktail Creations

There are some pretty interesting fictional cocktails out their in media land. I vow to try each and every one of them eventually. Here’s what made it to the top of the wishlist!

Flaming Homer/Moe – The Simpsons

When Homer Simpson is stuck at home with his terrible step-sisters and not a drop of beer to be found, he panics and puts together a cocktail made of all the booze he has left, accidentally adding some children’s cough medicine to the mix. Ash from one of his step-sister’s cigarettes lights the concoction on fire and makes it taste amazing. When Homer shares the recipe with bartender Moe Szyslak, Moe steals the drink and markets it as a Flaming Moe, gaining fame and fortune until Homer reveals the secret ingredient as revenge.

The Flaming Moe is actually served at Universal Studios: Florida… another reason to go back to that amazing park!

Screaming Viking – Cheers

When Cheers has one bartender too many, the regulars want to keep Woody Boyd on the job over newcomer Wayne. When Wayne bets his job against being able to make any drink ordered, the Cheers gang makes up this cocktail on the fly in order to throw Wayne off. Of course, it’s pretty hard to replicate a recipe that doesn’t exist. The drink has since been produced by a couple of bars with varying recipes. Unless it’s served while you’re saddled up between Norm Peterson and Cliff Clavin, it just wouldn’t feel right.

Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Invented by Zaphod Beeblebrox, the drink is described as “the alcoholic equivalent of a mugging – expensive and bad for the head” and it “is like having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick”. The drink has been created in reality for stage productions of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and at bars around the world. Suggested recipes I was able to find largely just throw a ton of different boozes into the mix.

Green Russian – Archer

Absinthe and milk… a winning combination? Just think about it, you get your daily calcium nourishment, as well as an elixir meant to make you trip balls. This potent cocktail is the invention of Pam Poovey, director of human resources at the ISIS spy agency. Pam can often be seen walking around bars with her own personal booze chilling units, so it’s no surprise she is a liquor hound. She will even pour absinthe directly into a carton of milk! There are other Green Russian recipes available online, but I think Pam was on the right track with her rendition.

Kidney Killer – American Dad

Francine Smith was once a hard-partying girl along with her partner in crime Kelly Wilk. When Kelly comes back into Francine’s life, the two try to recreate their wild times, with Haley Smith insisting she can keep up with the women. Haley drinks the fabled Kidney Killer and winds up in need of a kidney that Francine can’t offer, herself a victim of the booze. There is a Kidney Killer recipe on the internet. It combines tequila and Southern Comfort into a shot glass. The jury’s out as to how many you need to drink to actually kill your kidney!

Thankstini – How I Met Your Mother

This martini of vodka, cranberry juice and a bouillion cube is perfect for celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday. It’s like having a home-cooked family meal in a cocktail glass. Inventor Barney Stinson has provided me with the perfect libation for upcoming Thanksgiving celebrations. All that’s missing is the turkey, potatoes and stuffing, but I’m working on it. Stinson also has drink suggestions for Christmas, Arbor Day, Independence Day, and Ramadan!

Drink #283: Simpson & Son Revitalizing Tonic

1.5 oz Vodka (I used Smirnoff Blueberry)
1 oz Southern Comfort
Top with half Orange Juice and half Sweet & Sour Mix
Splash of Grenadine
Garnish with Berries

Look forward to future posts about fictional companies, restaurants, sports teams, sodas, and just about anything else this old, battered mind can think up!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
Sadly, the tonic didn’t send Mrs. Sip and myself into the throes of passion (as it worked in the cartoon… let down by TV once again!). Despite that small discrepancy, this drink was pretty good. All the citrus and berry notes were very enjoyable and the liquors did their jobs, as well.

October 2 – Raspberry Dew Drop

Posted on October 2, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Seasonal Mythology

Greek mythology is pretty crazy. Somehow, some way, the myths can explain why everything exists today… including each of the four seasons. Here is the mythological explanation for all seasons:

Winter

The story goes like this: Hades, that underworld bad ass (he even has his own beer), kidnaps Persephone to be his wife (if only it were that easy!). Zeus, that omnipotent ruler, decrees that Persephone should be returned to her mother Demeter (also the goddess of earth). Hades tricks Persephone into eating the food of the dead, which I guess is a mix of bleu cheese and expired fruit, and that means she has to stay in the underworld. In one of the earliest examples of a child custody agreement, Zeus gives both Hades and Demeter half the year to have Persephone. Demeter gets all hormonal and moody when Persephone is with Hades and creates winter. So, if you’re not a fan of sweaters, indoor heating, and ice scrapers, you have Hades to blame for your own misery.

Spring

Sticking with the whole Hades-Persephone-Demeter soap opera storyline, when Persephone returns to her mother Demeter, Demeter gets off her lazy ass and starts feeding mankind again, tending to the various harvests that must be maintained. I guess she had a serious case of empty nest syndrome. Moving on, the world become luscious again and people fatten themselves up, not knowing that summer is around the corner and they better start pulling out their Ab Rollers, Bowflexes, and ThighMasters, again. Next time Mrs. Sip complains of eating too much, I’ll just reference the gods and be done with it.

Summer

The happy times for Persephone and Demeter continue through the wonderful summer, where everyone on earth is happy and frolicking naked (by the way, all you little sippers should see the Sip Advisor frolic… it is a sight to behold… perhaps without the naked part) amongst the tall grass, hot temperatures and warm breezes. Hades is lurking in the shadows, however, and Persephone will soon be his again. For the time being everyone enjoys the bliss of sweet summer and forgets their troubles.

Fall

Persephone must be returned to the underworld and Hades (her father figure-wannabe husband-captor) couldn’t be happier with his prize. Demeter suffers from separation anxiety and doesn’t want to be alone in her misery, so she makes everyone else have to battle bouts of seasonal affective disorder (SAD… not to be confused with SADS – Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome). Just as people think things couldn’t get any worse, they are reminded of Demeter’s behaviour the previous year and folks begin to dread the newly dubbed ‘winter’ that is approaching. As they say on Game of Thrones and I like to bug Mrs. Sip by repeating at inappropriate times: “Winter is coming!”

Drink #275: Raspberry Dew Drop

1.5 oz Raspberry Vodka (I used Absolut)
Top with Cranberry Juice
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Raspberries and Lemon Slices

Well, I hope you liked that eschewed view of seasonal changes… thanks for nothing Demeter!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I felt this drink nicely captured the changing of the seasons, although it works best when winter turns into spring. It certainly tasted fantastic and the look came together really well with all the garnishes!

September 25 – Mojo

Posted on September 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Aphrodisiastic

I’m the kind of guy that’s ready to go at all hours of the day. I don’t need any food, drink, or other item to ‘put me in the mood’. I’ve come to understand that not everyone is as awesome as the Sip Advisor and therefore, I’m here to help all you little sippers out there that need an extra boost to get your mojo fired up. Here is an examination of some of the many items purported to help with libido!:

Chocolate – Named an aphrodisiac by women just so they can stuff their faces with the stuff and have an excuse to do so. In the end, they just complain they’re too full and not in any mood for making whoopee.

Oysters – Well, I suppose the whole ‘slimy substance travelling down your throat’ could be practice for fun times later?

Spicy Peppers – These are sure to simulate some part of the body!

Snake Blood – Why not drink the snake’s venom, as well!? I think the only reason snake’s blood is an aphrodisiac is because once you kill one, your heart is pumping so fast you’d be ready to bed a rhino.

Dried Tiger Penis – Oh sure, this will be an easy find. Tiger’s are cuddly and approachable right!? Just like stuffed animals!

No, not that Tiger!

Bull Genitals – Why do all these cultures think that consumption of animal junk will make them more virile?

Spanish Fly – The European Blister Beetle can apparently provide a long-lasting erection that will later require medical attention. Is it worth it?

Fetal Duck Egg – Thanks for this haunting image, Asia. Apparently the fetal duck is most potent after 17 days, begging the question: who tests this stuff?

Stewed Crocodile – Sure crocs are cold-blooded killers, but I really don’t see that translating into sexual prowess, unless you plan on holding your lover underwater until they’re unconscious first.

Looks like kitty got the message!

Leaf-Cutter Ants – At least they’re supposed to taste like bacon when roasted.

Deep-Fried Tarantula – I’m pretty sure Mrs. Sip would kick me out of our place if I even suggested deep-fried tarantula for snack time. I bet it won’t be long before this delicacy is being served at fairs around the world, right next to those deep-fried Mars bars!

Ambergris – This solid, waxy substance is either regurgitated or defecated by sperm whales… you know what, you already lost me…

Pumpkin Pie – So I guess people are only going to get laid around Thanksgiving… at least they’ll have something to be thankful for!

Pineapple – I always told Mrs. Sip that she should get into Hawaiian pizza. It’s tough when you’re always right!

Drink #268: Mojo

1 oz Rum
1 oz Cherry Liqueur
Top with Beer
Splash of Cola
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Splash of Orange Juice
Splash of Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Tiger Penis (kidding!)

Why can’t things like hamburgers and hot dogs be aphrodisiacs? Why does it always have to be the weird stuff!? I’m going to go find me some ambergris and pester Mrs. Sip for a little roll in the hay!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Wow, this cocktail was good. I was weary of how it would turn out given how many ingredients it called for and which ingredients you were expected to be mixing together, but I really enjoyed the finished product. Cola and Beer mix together much better than I could have ever imagined!

August 18 – Sunday Snuggie

Posted on August 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Putrid Products

I love commercials for “As Seen on TV” products. The acting is hokey and the products range from ridiculous to utterly useless. Here are some of the craziest items, past and present, which will require shipping and handling:

Snuggies

I think what bugs me the most about Snuggies is that the commercial makes everyone look like a giant blanket-wrapped dork. While I’m not opposed to blankets, I would never be caught wearing one at tailgating parties, the theatre, sporting events, or anywhere inhabited by people or penguins. What’s next, the pillow hat? You can wear it when you want to take that quick cat nap on the train, at a park, or during those endless office meetings! Hmmm…maybe I’m on to something!?

Zoomies

These binoculars-on-the-go are both practical and the height of modern fashion… said no one ever (throw on a bright blue Snuggie while you’re at it and then you’ll look real bad ass… or like The Tick, whateves). The thing the makers don’t really point out is that Zoomies only let you focus on one particular spot in the distance. The commercial acts as if your entire vision will be enhanced.

Tush Turner

This swivel seat allows you to spin in a chair, thus eliminating even the most simple of torso movements. I’ve seen this product hilariously described as a Lazy Susan for your ass. You know eventually there will be a Guinness World Record for fastest Tush Turner or most Tush Turns in an hour.

Cami Secret

These commercials are classic for the awesome portrayals of they dying art of sexual harassment. I deplore this product, however, because it covers up women’s breasts. Don’t listen ladies, be loud, be proud, and flaunt your assets!

Kush Support

Speaking of sexual harassment, this allows women to maintain their cleavage while sleeping on their side. Brilliant, I say! I have often turned to Mrs. Sip while she is deep in dreamland and thought, ‘Man, I wish she had more cleavage right now.’ For those keeping score, that was a joke!

Booty Pop

While most women are trying to eliminate the junk in their trunk, the Booty Pop will provide all the vroom-vroom anyone could ever want. These butt-enhancers fill a back pocket in a similar vein to stuffing a bra, except it’s your backside. I say put a couple Pizza Pops in there and you have a quick lunch, too!

Better Marriage Blanket

So, the gimmick behind this little gem is that it absorbs the odor of farts so your wife (or maybe it’s the other way around) will never know you’ve been cooking under a Dutch oven all these years. I think the name is totally classic. If flatulence is a major concern for your relationship, then you’re in for a rough ride once kids come along!

Fanny Bank

In complete contrast to the Better Marriage Blanket, this piggy bank rewards you with a ripping fart upon making a deposit. I wonder if the fart gets louder with the more cash you shove into the butt crack opening… scratch that, I don’t ever want to know. Who makes this crap!?

The Backup

I know I’ve always wanted to have a gun rack located not directly beside my bed, not directly behind my bed but actually IN my bed. Luckily now I have been afforded that opportunity with The Backup, a gun rack that slides between your bed’s box spring and mattress. Now I just need a gun for my rack. The fact that a product like this even made it to air, tells us something quite disturbing about society. Even scarier, it’s probably a best seller.

UroClub

This ingenious device allows dudes to hold their real putter whenever they want on a golf course. It comes complete with retractable curtains, so you can relieve yourself in privacy, while your buddies merciless chirp you. There are other portable urinal products, begging the question, when will someone step up and seize the women’s potty-on-the-go market!?

SlobStopper

This giant bib for eating and drinking while driving surely has to be some kind of joke. How many stories are there of people spilling scalding hot coffee on themselves? However, this product won’t stop you from receiving third degree burns. Here’s a suggestion, maybe just don’t eat and drink while on the road.

Pajama Jeans

These pajamas are designed to make it appears as if you’re wearing jeans. Can you imagine actually wearing these out to a lounge or nightclub and impressing ANYONE!? These PJs give a whole new meaning to casual Friday at the office. Now all they need to do is design pajamas that look like dress pants and the corporate world will fall to the slackers!

Drink #230: Sunday Snuggie

2 oz Jagermeister
2 oz Bourbon
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Dash of Grenadine
Splash of Cranberry Juice
Garnish with a Lime Wheel and a Maraschino Cherry

I’d love to order some of these items, just to see how well they actually work. I bet some of them would just be too ludicrous to own, but at least they might make great gag gifts.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
The drink was pretty potent thanks to the Jagermeister and Bourbon. I used Black Cherry Bourbon to add an interesting twist to the cocktail and the results were as awesome as expected. This was quite the recipe to put together, but totally worth it.

July 8 – Bend Me Over Slammer

Posted on July 8, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Drinking Class

Over my years of experience, I’ve noticed that there are many different classes of drinkers. Like a Lord of the Rings quest, you have your wizards, elves, dwarves, and hobbits and together, you all make up a party of sorts. Let’s take a look at who might be travelling with your troupe:

Sippers

The Sipper slowly consume their drinks. They may only have a couple at a gathering, taking their time to work their way through a drink… a drink that is largely ice-diluted by the time they finish. I’m not saying Mama Sip belongs in this category, but Broski Sip and I once humourously watched her gingerly sip at a drink for nearly an hour when we were at a family function in Germany and wanted to get back to our hotel (it was 3am and we had been outside all night with people who mostly only spoke the native language, as fabulous as they all were… we assume). The heartbreaking moment came at the point where she went in for a sip, got distracted by a relative and pulled the drink away from her mouth.

Slammers

The Slammer arrives at a party and goes to work like liquor is a commodity on the brink of extinction. They down a few drinks in quick succession, taking little time to actually enjoy the concoction, be it beer, wine, well drink or anything else. Before you know it, the Slammer is drunk off their ass and looking for a place to nap (in best case scenarios). Don’t get me wrong, the Slammer is fun for those few hours they’re able to join the party, but when they come crashing down, it’s best to send them on their way, find them a bed or at the very least, make sure they know where the vomitorium is.

Guzzlers

The Guzzler seems to always have a drink in his hand. Once one is finished, another is being poured. This is likely the category where your friendly neighbourhood Sip Advisor falls into. It is the alcohol version of a chain smoker… minus the emphysema and cancer.

Complainers

I’m often working hard in The Sip Advisor lab making creations for our friends. Most people enjoy getting to try unique drinks for free that anywhere around where we live would cost $8-$10 minimum. But you get the odd guest who doesn’t necessarily complain about the taste of the drink, but the alcohol content. You make them a single and they say they can’t taste the alcohol. Well, in a perfectly made cocktail, you shouldn’t be overwhelmed by the alcohol. So, I do what any spurned bartender would: double up the alcohol in their next drink. Of course, now they’re complaining that it’s too strong. What do I care, it’s not like I get tipped anyway!

Shooter

A Shooter enjoys their drinks in a similar fashion to the Slammer, but has greater longevity. They drink quickly and often, having a high survival rate. These are the people you want in charge of a function because they can keep their stuff together no matter how many libations they have imbibed in.

Unfinishers

This is the group I like the least. A cardinal rule in the Sip Advisor offices is that no drop of liquor goes wasted. The Unfinisher routinely leaves drinks half consumed… a total waste of precious alcohol and mixer. In my opinion, this should be a punishable offence. And that punishment shall be death by intoxication. Okay, maybe that’s a little harsh. How about they have to go around and finish every single half-downed drink at the party?

The Jekyll & Hyde

This one is quite obvious; it’s the drinker whose personality drastically changes with only a couple drinks: The quiet people who become loud and obnoxious. The tame people who become bold and daring. The people whose language of choice seems to change with each libation. You’ll notice that drinking never really has an opposite effect on Type-A personalities, only Type-B. If a person is already an asshole, drinking will only enhance their assholeness.

Like looking in a mirror!

The Yo-Yo

One drink, one water… slow and steady wins the race. These are the folks who fear hangovers so much that they spend a great deal of time prepping against one. Hey, whatever works for ya. Thankfully, I’m impervious to being hung. Not that I’m opposed to water… I love that shizzle!

One More Drink People

Another section that you could lump the Sip Advisor into. I’m always down with the concept of one for the road. The problem is, myself and my kin never really know when “one for the road” should ever really stop. Does it really matter, though? We’re pretty awesome people… just enjoy our company while it lasts!

Drink #189: Bend Me Over Slammer

1.5 oz Crown Royal Whiskey
1 oz Amaretto
Dash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Top with Club Soda
Garnish with Lime Wedge

Slam that sucker on the table and down it with vim and vigor. So, what kind of drinker are you? No complainers please!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
This is the first “slammer” we’ve featured at The Sip Advisor and it’s a fun little drink, despite the mess… and there was quite a bit of mess from the shaking and slamming in an attempt to get some bubbles going. I think the slammer concept is better performed in shot glasses, but I did as the recipe suggested. As far as taste goes, it was nice, but nothing amazing.

July 5 – Evil Minion

Posted on July 5, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Despicable You

Through the course of history, there’s been some real low-down, dirty, appalling tactics employed by people and groups. I have taken it upon myself to expose these despicable degenerates. Together, we can stand up to these scumbags and make sure bad stuff like this never happens again. Are ya with me!?

Airlines that Overbook Flights

This is the most absolute bullshit thing in the world. To turn away a paying customer and tell them “Sorry, the flight is full” should be punishable by death. I remember flying out of Toronto once (one of the worst airports in the world) and approaching the agent because I hadn’t been assigned a seat. She told me the plane was overbooked and I might not get on and if I really wanted to make sure I was on the plane I had paid for, next time I should pay the $30 extra for an assigned seat… Excuse me? Did I not already pay over $500 for this exact itinerary? If that’s the case, I better receive compensation and be guaranteed a spot on your next scheduled departure. Nothing like that was offered. This concept has ruined many vacations for people who don’t deserve this shoddy treatment. Go screw yourselves Air Canada and any other line that pulls this crap with its passengers!

Disneyworld Guests Hiring Handicap People to Jump Queues

I still can’t figure out if I deplore these people because they’re line jumping, usually ahead of me (a frequent Disney traveler), or if I commend the employees for his or her entrepreneurial spirit. Scratch that, I hate them. I think these people should be stripped of their disability payments, since they’re making more money than the average person and get to spend time at the happiest place on earth while doing so. Even worst are the people who hire them. Shame on all of you!

People Who Take Advantage of Tragedies

It seems every time one of these disasters (9/11, BP Gulf Coast Spill, Hurricane Sandy, the Boston Marathon Bombing, etc.) takes place, stories eventually come to light of people trying to exploit the victims and heartbreak of the situation for their own financial gain. Whether it’s people setting up fake charitable organizations or committing other crimes, such as looting, in the middle of the chaos, it’s just not cool.

Ponzi Scheme Operators

This includes losers like Bernie Madoff, who bilked numerous investors out of millions of dollars. Many people walk away from these schemes with their entire life savings destroyed and for those who were relying on that money heading into retirement, it’s a bitter pill to swallow knowing the comfortable golden years you were expecting to experience have evaporated right in front of you.

Reality Show Producers

I was recently flipping through the channels and stopped at the show ‘Extreme Weight Loss’. I didn’t stay for long, however, as the poor kid trying to drop massive pounds was basically mocked as he was told he may have a brain tumour, with a sound effect where they slowed down the voice of the doctor giving him the news, as if the kid couldn’t process what was happening. All the while, the cameras never stopped rolling and made sure to get tight and close for facial reactions of the devastating news that the 23-year-old kid had to receive without any family there to console him. And this is just one example from a totally rotten industry.

Talentless Celebrities

We’re talking about your Kim Kardashians, Paris Hiltons, and Snookies of the world. What pisses me off about them is that they influence so much of culture and in such negative ways. People, especially young girls, want to follow in the footsteps of their idols, but that just means they want to come from a family of means, do nothing but shop for all the high-end designer items, or have no reason for being famous except for “leaked” sex tapes. And we’ll have a whole new line of them coming with the current crop of celebrity kids. Yikes!

Bullies

With all the anti-bullying programs that are in operation now, schools that are taking different approaches with troubled kids, and parents becoming more aware of the issue, hopefully this will eventually be a problem that it eradicated. Until then, we can still try and put as much shame as possible on these folks, hoping they realize the error of their ways. It will be hard to complete eliminate the bully, as we see it in so many forms of media today, from a “news” host like Nancy Grace who berates anyone who doesn’t agree with her to “real housewives” who don’t play well with others and behave quite rudely towards people, despite being in the public eye.

Protestors

I hate most protestors with a passion. Unless they’re trying to change something like civil rights, I have no time for them. The violent Black Bloc, who spend more time destroying public property than actually trying to get a message across and the heinous Westboro Baptist Church, which has even protested at high-profile funerals in the name of attention-seeking, are among the lowest of the low.

Corporations That Hide Cures

There is more money to be made from the sick than the healthy. That is a sad, but true fact. Rumours and conspiracy theories have often surfaced that some corporations are hiding the cure to various diseases and viruses because it would wipe out their business of treating an illness gradually. If there are cases for which this is true, shame on the companies. Just think of all the pain and suffering that could be ended with their full disclosure.

Drink #186: Evil Minion

1.5 oz Citrus Vodka (I used Pinnacle)
0.5 oz Strawberry Liqueur
0.5 oz Blue Curacao
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Splash of Club Soda
Garnish with Lemon Wheel

Writing this post reminded me how much I love the movie Despicable Me. Thankfully, Despicable Me 2 comes out today, allowing me to enjoy more animated goodness. Here’s hoping the second installment is as good as the first!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I like these sour citrus drinks. They are so refreshing in the summer and this was no different. While I usually find Club Soda boring, it was nice to have some fizz with these delicious flavours and have them not competing with each other. The end result was a lemonade type cocktail.

June 26 – Lemon Cry

Posted on June 26, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Just Dew It

We continue our four-part series examining the new Mountain Dew flavours today, tasting the White Out selection. With a name like that, this mixer is sure to be a favourite of white supremacists everywhere, but how will it fare in the Sip Advisor headquarters? Carrying on yesterdays theme, we again check out another smattering of liquors that look fascinating to try. If anyone wants to be my rich benefactor and allow me to sample these alcohols, I am open to a quid pro quo arrangement (*wink, wink*)!

Malibu Fresh

Most people wouldn’t think of combining coconut and mint, but that’s one of the greatest things about mixology: experimenting with different ingredients and stumbling upon something that is delicious, despite conventional wisdom saying those elements shouldn’t blend together very well. If I could get my hands on some Malibu Fresh (I saw it in stores briefly last year), I would put it straight to work in some coconut mojitos!

After Shock Liqueur / Fire & Ice

These two spirits combine cinnamon and peppermint liqueurs, which I find to be such an interesting contrast. I guess you could just put together ingredients like Fireball Whiskey and Peppermint Schnapps, but I don’t think the results would work out as well. I like the names of each alcohol, too, with Fire & Ice perhaps being one of the most aptly-named spirits in libation history!

Bombay Sapphire East

This alcohol takes the already wonderful Bombay Sapphire Gin and adds a couple “eastern” elements to alter the flavour. Lemongrass and black peppercorns join the party, apparently to offset the sweetness of American tonic water. I’m very curious to try this spirit and can see it working well in a number of cocktails. Let’s make all our dreams come true and track down this mysterious treasure.

Hot & Sweet Cactus

As I’ve mentioned on this site before, Hot & Sweet was one of the liqueurs Mrs. Sip and I found in Norway. It can best be described as a salty Black Sambuca. I have since found other flavours put out by the company including Hot & Sweet Cactus. I have no clue how the flavours of salt, licorice and cactus will all come together. I only hope that the prickly needles aren’t part of the alcohol, as it may be punishment enough just to swallow the concoction.

Oddka Electricity Vodka

When I first found out about Oddka Electricity, I immediately thought the taste would be similar to licking a battery. Now, Mrs. Sip will tell you that I do a lot of pretty stupid stuff, with a complete and utter disregard for my own body and well-being. That is why I must taste this vodka (licking the battery wasn’t enough to quell my curiousity!) and report to the world about its notes and highlights.

Drink #177: Lemon Cry

1.5 oz Whiskey
Top with half Sweet & Sour Mix and half Mountain Dew: White Out
Garnish with Lemon Wedges

Well, we’re now at the halfway point of the Mountain Dew discovery challenge. Two more days of liquors I want to taste and Mountain Dews I must taste are right around the corner. Won’t ya be my neighbour!?

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I found that this was a very good drink. My decision to use Honey Whiskey was amazing (no surprise there) and the other ingredients provided a fun sour martini experience.
The White Out Mountain Dew is probably the closest to the original flavour and works well as a refreshing soda and mixer.

June 19 – Swashbuckler

Posted on June 19, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

Pirates are pretty legendary customers. Just by listening to “A Pirate’s Life for Me,” we get an idea of what it was like during their time, even if it is Disney-fied. Sometimes a flag was all that was needed to terrorize anything from a ship to a settlement. Here are some of the most famous pirate flags from the golden age of swashbucklers:

Blackbeard

This is a pretty epic portrayal of a skeleton pirate king, complete with goblet (other sources say that it’s an hourglass, but I’d like to think it’s a rum goblet). Perhaps this could be an early depiction of cupid, as he is trying to put a spear through a heart. Apparently this signified that no mercy would be given to any captive. Blackbeard was some badass. Legend has it that he would put smoking fuses into his hair and beard to make himself look demonic and strike fear into those he wished to attack.

Black Bart 1

Bart’s first flag showed that time was running out for his victims with the pirate and skeleton both hanging onto an hourglass (again, I like to believe it’s a goblet fit for all the booze a pirate can handle). Bart captured approximately 400 ships in his three-year career as a pirate, which is a long tenure during those times.

Black Bart 2

This one has Bart standing on top of the heads of captains from his two least favourite ports, Barbados and Martinique. The ABH stood for “A Barbadian’s Head”, while AMH was “A Martinico’s Head”. Bart treated seized ships and their captains and crew from these ports especially bad because their colonial governments were always after him.

Calico Jack

This is the pirate flag that most of us recognize, thanks to its popularity in modern media. Ironically, Jack wasn’t a very successful pirate captain, but he is remembered for allowing women to join his ship (although the harlots totally betrayed him) and, of course, for this flag. The skull over crossed cutlasses has largely been recognized as the most common flag and now represents all pirates to some degree.

Henry Morgan

I had to include our good friend, Captain Morgan, whose rums have always been stocked at the Sip Advisor headquarters. Morgan used the classic “skull and crossbones” flag, but with the added twist of the skull wearing an eye patch. Why he did this, isn’t entirely clear. It’s not like he wore a similar patch and the skull was meant to depict himself. Morgan was so successful that he was able to retire from piracy and became Lieutenant Governor of Jamaica.

Drink #170: Swashbuckler

1.25 oz Tequila (I used 1800 Reposado)
0.75 oz Grand Marnier
2 oz Sweet & Sour Mix
Top with Fruit Punch
Garnish with Red and Green Grapes and Runts

If I had ever been granted the luxury of being a pirate, my flag would have depicted a bottle of rum being poured into the open mouth of a smiling skull as the skeleton was giving a thumbs up gesture. Damn, I would have been one rockin’ buccaneer!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I’ve been wanting to play with Fruit Punch for some time now and I’m glad I finally had the opportunity. It’s a hell of a mixer, tasting so good and refreshing… perhaps my favourite of all the fruit juices. I’m a little surprised with a drink called Swashbuckler, that Tequila was the featured alcohol, over Rum, but whatevs.

June 17 – Mojave Green Rattlesnake

Posted on June 17, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Fear Factor

I am an ophidiophobe. There, I said it. The first step on the road to recovery is admitting what I am. In layman’s terms: much like Indiana Jones, Conan the Barbarian, Johnny Cash, Andre the Giant, Pee Wee Herman, and Bam Margera (among other legendary characters of my ilk!), The Sip Advisor has a deathly fear of snakes.

It could stem from a cousin chasing me around when we were younger with a Tung Lashor (He-man and the Masters of the Universe) action figure. This toy had a long darting tongue that could be launched by rolling a wheel on the villain’s back. I can still vividly see my pose-able nightmare.

Heh, you’re not so tough anymore, are ya… with your fruit roll-up tongue!

I was also a wrestling fan as a wee lad and watching Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts bring his menagerie of serpents with him to the ring (and often use them on a fallen foe). This surely had some psychologically damaging effects on me… well, I guess no more so than the average wrestling maniac.

Over the years, I’ve tried to make peace with the slithering ones and it is on my bucket list to work up the courage to touch a live snake. That may be harder to do than I ever thought, as just going near the snake aquariums at any zoo give me the no-no feeling.

I wrote a psychology paper once, detailing my efforts to get over my fear. It included looking at pictures of snakes and watching snake movie and TV programs, working all the way up to going into a pet store and walking right up to the snake tanks without hurriedly and nervously speeding by. I got a decent grade on that paper, but I never actually went into the store. A good drinker knows that recovery can be faked!

Apparently actress Salma Hayek spent two months with therapists getting over her fear of snakes so she could take the part of Satanico Pandemonium in From Dusk Till Dawn. Director Robert Rodriguez tricked her into thinking that Madonna was about to sign on for the role, prompting Hayek to face her fears.

I’m a little surprised the snake is so limp!

All that said, I do have a fascination with the creatures, often watching movies and TV programs involving serpents. Although, I have to admit, when I am watching any of the Anaconda movies or the Austin Stevens: Snakemaster biography series, I’m careful to keep my feet off the ground, for fear that a snake is waiting under the couch, poised to attack me with its toxic venom.

After all, my boy Launchpad McQuack thought he was okay with snakes until one tried to eat him. All we need is for everyone to have an experience like this and we’ll all be on the same page, fighting a common enemy. Talk about world unity y’all.

Drink #168: Mojave Green Rattlesnake

1.5 oz 1800 Añejo Tequila
0.5 oz Melon Liqueur
Top with Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Gummy Snakes

I much prefer my snakes shaken and stirred in a beverage, rather than slithering toward this sexy beast we know as The Sip Advisor. I’ve even mustered the courage to have eaten fried rattlesnake before. I know I’ve likely disappointed some of you, to let it be known that I, the ‘Slicker of Liquor’ do indeed fear something. A drink of this and living with yourself will be much easier.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was originally on the schedule all the way back in April. I had this vision of garnishing the cocktail with a gummy snake, which seemed easy enough to achieve. And then it took two months for me to track one down. Ironically, on the same day I finally found one in a candy store in London, Ma Sip located one in Hawaii. As for the martini itself, the best part is the smoky aftertaste that comes from the Añejo Tequila, rounding out the flavours of the Melon Liqueur and Sweet & Sour Mix.

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