Canada – Unsuspecting Victim

Posted on January 9, 2014 by Daniel Wilson

Legend of Poutine

As we continue our trek across Canada’s often frozen tundra, we discover another of the country’s greatest products: poutine. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, it basically means fries with gravy and cheese curds, but it can also be so much more. Let’s take a look at Canada’s cultural cuisine.

As with most things that earn a cult status and become famous, there are many that claim to have created the dish. A number of French Canadian cities also assert that they are the home of poutine’s invention. Drummondville, Saint-Jean-sur-Richelieu, Victoriaville, and Warwick each have ponies in this race.

It is commonly believed that poutine earned its name (which is French slang for “a mess”) when a trucker asked cook Fernand Lachance to add cheese curds to his fries in the 1950’s.

You can really make anything with the poutine base of fries and curds. Butter chicken, ribs, ground beef, pulled pork, and most other meats can be used in recipes. There are also Greek and Italian poutines which include Greek salad and gyro meat and Bolognese sauce and Italian sausage, respectively.

Chef Chuck Hughes even won an episode of Iron Chef America with an offering of lobster poutine, which sounds so amazingly fantastic. Not so fantastic (to the Sip Advisor, at least) are recipes which include foie gras, caviar, and truffles. I’d still give them a shot, though and probably end up eating crow.

Despite its wonderful taste, one major downside of poutine is its high-caloric value. Servings can range from 750-1,500 calories depending on how many ingredients are thrown on top of the base.

A number of fast food joints have also jumped aboard the literal gravy train. New York Fries, KFC, Burger King, Dairy Queen, A&W, Wendy’s, and even McDonald’s, known for their world famous skinny fries, have got in on the poutine act. A number of poutine specific restaurants have also began popping up across Canada. In a small area of downtown Vancouver, you can find La Belle Patate, Smoke’s Poutinerie, Mean Poutine, and others.

My favourite rendition of the meal is available at my local watering hole, Jimmy’s Taphouse. It’s not an elaborate serving of the delicacy, but what pushes it over the edge is the chipotle drizzle they put over the fries, giving it a bit of spice. The menu item is also on the bar’s half price happy hour menu, which makes it all the more amazing.

Jones Soda released a poutine-flavoured beverage for a limited time in 2013, which was met with mostly harsh reviews. Still, I wish I could track it down and use it in a drink recipe. If you have a bottle lying around, donations to The Sip Advisor are always accepted and like a church offering plate are strongly encouraged!

Some close family members of poutine include Disco Fries (using mozza cheese and served in New Jersey and New York since the 1970’s), Chili Cheese Fries, and In-N-Out Burger’s Animal Fries (with cheese, onions, and secret sauce).

All this talk of poutine has worked up quite an appetite for me, so we’ll close with a note on perhaps the most famous moment for the popular dish. For Rick Mercer’s satirical ‘Talking to Americans’ segment on This Hour Has 22 Minutes, during the 2000 U.S. election, Mercer told George W. Bush that Prime Minister Jean Poutine had endorsed him. The actual Canadian PM at the time was Jean Chretien, but not a single interviewee picked up on the discrepancy. When President Bush made his first trip to Canada, he joked that he wanted to thank Mr. Poutine for the endorsement, finally clued in to the gag.

Canada: Unsuspecting Victim

0.75 oz Crown Royal Whiskey
0.75 oz Chambord
0.75 oz Amaretto
Top with Pineapple Juice and Sweet & Sour Mix
Splash of Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Lemon and Lime Wheels

This is one of the few things we can thank the French for… that and an endless number of liquor options. Please share your favourite poutine recipe, fact, or story. Then go get yourself some of Canada’s finest gastronomic delight!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Well, my little sippers, it happened again. I ended up with some Pineapple Juice that had gone bad and came out as clumpy as some poutine gravies. Luckily, I had some Pineapple Soda still lying around and it added a very nice touch to the drink. The always reliable (aren’t all Canadian items!) Crown Royal Whiskey tasted really good combined with the Chambord and Amaretto and everything mixed together made for an excellent cocktail.

December 23 – Silent Night

Posted on December 23, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Family Photo Album

The Family Sip never really did the Christmas family photo thing, but for some, it’s an annual tradition. And it really shouldn’t be, given how awful most of them turn out. I ask that all you little sippers proceed with caution through this list. The ugly mugs are bad enough and now you also have to deal with some truly deranged people. Enjoy!

Am I the only one a little horrified that this guy seems so delighted to be wearing a diaper!? I got a 20-spot on the dad wetting himself before the child… otherwise it’s a wasted diaper which are clogging up our landfills. The look on the kid’s face really tells the story here. I call it the ‘scarred for life’ pose and the youngster is pulling it off to perfection.

It looks like they’re trying to recreate the Human Centipede movies and daddy is going to smack mommy’s backside red! You only hope this photo was later used in court documents… I just can’t decide which one of the family members would be first to sue for divorce, the kids or the mother. I hope Mrs. Sip is in for some reindeer games this holiday season!

Someone really didn’t want to take part in the annual family photo and I don’t really blame him. No, it seems Eric Forman here wanted nothing to do with this photo shoot. He was probably pulling his ‘rebel with a Christmas cause’ act because his big bro is so into the project. That’s because he knew he was rockin’ his new goatee and he wanted to memorialize the look for prosperity.

It looks like dad didn’t get the memo on what to wear for the family Christmas photo. Perhaps he was just recently released from prison and didn’t have time to purchase a new wardrobe. The scary part is that if these girls are comfortable with how their father is portraying himself in this photo, that means he dresses this way around the house all the time… and that’s not cool.

I’m surprised the setting for this isn’t a trailer. This seems like the wrong message to be sending to your kids… you should never have them suffer through family Christmas photos. Oh, and the smoking thing is pretty weird! I wonder if they also received an ashtray in each of their stockings? Then again, trailers don’t have chimneys for said stockings to be hung!

Drink #357: Silent Night

1 oz Tequila (I used El Jimador)
1 oz Blue Curacao
1 oz Triple Sec
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Lime Juice
Garnish with Lime Wedges

Do you have a favourite family Christmas photo that I haven’t covered or have a hilarious caption to one of these gems that you just must share. Let’s turn this Silent Night into an uproarious occasion of laughter and joy!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
A couple quick notes about alterations I made from the original recipe listed above. I completely removed the Triple Sec as Blue Curacao is basically the same ingredient, only blue and I swapped Pineapple Juice out for Pineapple Soda because I wanted some fizz with this drink and also wanted a clearer liquid than Pineapple Juice offers. The result wasn’t too bad, but I’m still not a huge Pineapple liquid fan, despite loving Hawaiian pizza.

December 6 – Christmas Jones

Posted on December 6, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Reasons to Celebrate

Today is St. Nicholas Day, a little holiday I’ve always known and still celebrate to this day. As part of the tradition, we leave a boot outside our bedroom door, which is stuffed full of goodies by St. Nick. Here are some other celebrations that you may or may not have heard of!

Festivus (Dec. 23)

A Festivus for the rest of us! This fictional holiday that has grown to be celebrated by many was first popularized on the TV show Seinfeld by Frank Costanza. It is meant for those who wish to avoid the commercialism and other requirements of Christmas. Instead, Festivus revelers participate in events such as the “Feats of Strength” and “Airing of Grievances”. There is also the Festivus Pole, which is simply an undecorated aluminum pole (the Family Sip has had one decorate the house for years!). Try the event for yourself and hopefully you encounter a “Festivus Miracle” during your observance!

The Sip Advisor has an airing of grievances each and every day… it`s very cathartic… serenity now!

Hanukkah (2013: Nov. 27 – Dec. 5)

Also known as the Festival of Lights and the Feast of Dedication, Hanukkah celebrates the miracle of oil… I guess because the Jews knew they would make tons of money off the product in the future!? It’s also to rejoice over the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. Traditions include lighting one branch of the Menorah candle over each of the eight days that make up the holiday, eating fried foods, playing dreidel games and exchanging gelt, which is often cash money, homies!

Kwanzaa (Dec. 26 – Jan. 1)

This week-long celebration honours African-American culture, leading up to a spectacular feast and gift exchanging. The event includes seven principles, comprised of unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics (Commie bastards!), purpose, creativity, and faith. Kwanzaa (meaning “first fruits of the harvest” in Swahili) was created in 1966 by Maulana Karenga, a professor and activist heavily involved in the Black Power movement.

Winter Solstice (2013: Dec. 21)

The Winter Solstice is celebrated by a number of different events around the world, including the Dongzhi Festival (China, Vietnam, Korea, Japan, Taiwan, etc.), Hogmanay (Scotland), Inti Raymi (Peru), Lohri (India), St. Lucy’s/Lucia’s Day (Scandinavia), Maruaroa o Takurua (New Zealand), and Yalda (Iran), among many others. Most events include ceremonies, feasts, gifts, offerings, and general celebration. I often celebrate the day by drinking to excess… but I do that every other day, too!

Drink #340: Christmas Jones

1.5 oz Vodka (I used Strawberry-Kiwi)
Blend Strawberries & Pineapple Juice
Tsp of Sugar
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Mint Leaves

Are there any holidays out there I missed that simply must be celebrated. Call me out on my obliviousness and give me another reason to party this winter season!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is one of the first times I’ve busted Mrs. Sips Magic Bullet (the mini blender, not the sex toy) out for a cocktail. The resulting mix was pretty good with Pineapple Juice and Strawberries making for a good combo. Without the Lemon-Lime Soda, this drink would not have done so well, but having that fizz to finish off the recipe was the icing on the cake!

November 30 – Re-Run

Posted on November 30, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Crossover Calamity

Last week (Nov. 21) was World Television Day and I passed over it in favour of dedicating myself to Whiskey Week. That transgression has bugged me since and must be remedied. I love TV. It is by far my favourite entertainment option, far surpassing movies, music, and reading, with food, sex, and sports receiving brief shout outs. In belated honour of that special day, here are some of the oddest crossover partnerships, most of which have occurred on the small screen!

Baywatch – World Championship Wrestling

It would be so bizarre if you were hanging out at the beach, enjoying some sand and surf, when all of a sudden a 400-pound professional wrestler – fully decked out in his ring gear – storms the coastline to confront his enemy. You see, at the time, Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage were hanging out with Mitch Buchannon and the chest-tacular babes of Baywatch. Of course, challenges were made and a ring constructed, with the good guys triumphing over evil and sending them packing with sand in their tights.

Come on Hulkster… nobody wants to see you run along the beach!

Scooby Doo – Harlem Globetrotters, Batman and Robin, Laurel and Hardy, The Addams Family, The Three Stooges

The Scooby Gang can be credited with having the most bizarre partnerships in the history of sleuthing. They’ve crossed numerous mediums to ruin the schemes of creepy, old men, who just want their share of a town’s or family’s riches. I think the most bizarre of these associations would have to be The Addams Family, as Scooby and Shaggy wouldn’t be able to be around the spooky clan… unless there was just enough Scooby Snacks to keep them occupied.

X-Files – The Simpsons

While this was a very well done crossover, the fact that dry FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully even ventured into the chaotic town of Springfield seems like an odd choice at first glance. Investigating Homer Simpson’s claims of seeing an alien-like figure that has a sweet and heavenly voice and appears every Friday night like Steve Urkel, the X-Files tandem discovers that the extraterrestrial is in fact only Mr. Burns, who is let loose following his weekly longevity treatment.

Superman and Wonder Woman – The Brady Bunch

Why Superman and Wonder Woman would bother to waste their time helping the snot-nosed kids of the Brady Bunch will forever remain a mystery. Perhaps it was a slow day for the Justice League or they were fumigating the Fortress of Solitude or something. I just feel that Superman and Wonder Woman could have spent the day doing anything else – from bumping uglies to running errands – and it would have turned out better.

Archie – The Punisher

Why these two entities would ever need to cross paths is something I can’t fathom. Was Archie searching for vigilante justice after Jughead ate him out of house and home? Did he finally have enough of that prick Reggie? Perhaps Betty and Veronica were tired of clashing in their pursuit of a fair-skinned ginger and decided to rid the world of the guy, via a murder-for-hire plot. In actuality, The Punisher is searching for a notorious drug deal named Red, who (get ready for the hilarious misunderstandings) just happens to look like Archie. As if junkies would ever buy product off a guy that looked like Archie!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Power Rangers

I guess if you suspend your disbelief enough (or take some hallucinogenic drugs), anything is possible. And that was the theory that went behind the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles teaming with the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. The two sides actually have more in common than you’d think: they’re teenagers, have martial arts training, use weaponry, enjoy pizza… you know, all the important stuff.

Superman – Muhammad Ali

While most would side with Muhammad Ali in regards to any battle he entered, it’s hard to do so when he’s up against a completely invincible being like Superman. This was such a mismatched fight that I hope Ali immediately fired all his representation. Even Don King would have been able to see the writing on the wall and he’s a selfish loser with only his own best interest in mind. I just hope the prize money was worth the walloping Ali was in for.

Drink #334: Re-Run

0.75 oz Hpnotiq Liqueur
0.25 oz Rum
Top with Pineapple Juice
Dash of Grenadine
Garnish with Pineapple Candy

Which befuddling crossovers have I missed? Please send them my way, as I’m always looking for inebriated viewing ideas!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This shot was pretty decent on the taste scale. The citrus-flavoured Hpnotiq went well with the other ingredients and on the plus side, the combination didn’t come across as too sweet. I’ve been trying, when Grenadine is an ingredient, to not overwhelm anything recipes with the substance and that worked to perfection here.

November 16 – Scooby Snack

Posted on November 16, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Treat Time

Today, we take a look at fictional snacks in TV and movies… but not just any fictional snacks… no, fictional snacks that have since gone on to become real, buyable products. The world is truly a wonderful place!

Scooby Snacks – Scooby Doo

How someone turned a fictional puppy edible into fruit snacks and cookies geared towards kids is an act of pure genius. There are also dog treats that go by the same name, so be careful when buying the product for your young’uns. I have to say that I really hate the Scooby Snack song, as it plays in my head every time I think about Scooby Doo (which is far too often for a 30-year-old) and once again, the tune is stuck in my brain… must move on.

Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans – Harry Potter

When this company says they have “every” flavour, they mean it. The line includes tastes of earwax, rotten egg, vomit, dirt, and sausage mixed in with your normal fare: watermelon, cherry, blueberry, banana, and green apple. This listing kind of sounds like a Survivor Series wrestling match, with the five dastardly baddies taking on the good and pure for taste supremacy. I think you’d have to be a Harry Potter super fan to pick up a pack of these jelly beans.

Stay Puft Marshmallows – Ghostbusters

Most people think fondly of the iconic scene in Ghostbusters where the team of Peter Venkman, Ray Stantz, Egon Spengler and Winston Zeddemore battle the mammoth Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Their reward for protoning the literal tub of goo was to be covered with the white sticky substance (don’t get any ideas) he was made of. It’s too bad they didn’t next face a chocolate-based monster and finally a graham-cracker encrusted foe to complete the smores trio!

Cheesy Poofs – South Park

Eric Cartman’s favourite snack treat is an actual product, released to tie-in with the series’ 15th anniversary. While I’m not a fan of eating cheese, I have on occasion enjoyed cheese-powdered snacks like Doritos and Cheetos. The product, which is thought to have originated in Canada (according to the show) is so beloved by Cartman that he even auditioned to be the face of the advertising campaign, but had his song largely cut from commercials.

Willy Wonka Products – Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

This fine collection of Wonka products includes Gobstoppers, Nerds, Laffy Taffy, Pixy Stix, Fun Dip, Runts, Sweet Tarts, Shockers, and so much more. I keep hoping the company will eventually open a factory, complete with Oompa-Loompas, a chocolate river, and the chance to be taught a valuable lesson on how to behave! So long as they don’t include that trippy, psychedelic boat-trip tunnel scene that include some pretty haunting imagery.

Krusty-O’s – The Simpson

While this item could be considered part of a balanced breakfast, let’s be honest, it’s more frosted snack than healthy meal. Yes, the same cereal that gave away a jagged metal Krusty-O, which nearly killed Bart Simpson, was released to the public as part of a tie-in with The Simpsons Movie in 2007. 7-11 stores that were temporarily branded as Kwik-E-Marts to go along with the promotion were largely where the cereal could be located.

Drink #320: Scooby Snack

0.3 oz Coconut Rum
0.3 oz Crème de Banane
0.3 oz Midori
Splash of Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Whip Cream

Which fictional product would you love to be able to consume? For myself, I’d have to pick Sweetums NutriYums (Parks and Recreation), Smurfberries (The Smurfs), and Cornballs (Arrested Development). Put them together and you’ll have yourself one hell of a feast!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (5 Sips out of 5):
Wow… that’s all I can really say about this shot. It is the first shooter to receive a 5-Sip rating and it’s hard to really describe how good it is. First, you’re hit with the Whip Cream, before the Crème de Banane, Melon Liqueur, Coconut Rum, and Pineapple Juice come in the finish the flavour party. It all goes down so smooth and tastes so delicious. There are four variations of the Scooby Snack, but each follows a general pattern. I’ve provided the recipe for the original. Now I understand why Scooby was so willing to put himself in danger after a little treat!

November 10 – Movember Rain

Posted on November 10, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

‘Stache Central

In honour of all the dudes out there that are growing mustaches that make their partners less attracted to them, all in the name of raising awareness for men’s health, particularly prostate and testicular cancer, here’s a look at some of the greatest whiskers in the media world!

Magnum PI – Tom Selleck is so associated with his trademark facial hair that the network wouldn’t allow him to get rid of it for his role on Blue Bloods. Can you believe Selleck turned down the role of Mitch Buchannon (later went to David Hasselhoff) on Baywatch because he didn’t want to be a sex symbol… uh, hey Tom, too late, buddy!

Hulk Hogan – Hogan’s Fu-Manchu plays a vital role in his image as a do-gooder and leader of Hulkamaniacs everywhere. So much so, that when he finally became a bad guy and leader of the reprehensible New World Order, a dirty black beard was added to show he had fully embraced the dark side.

Ned Flanders – Everyone’s favoruite religious zealot has had many storylines center around his nose neighbour. Usually when Ned is forced to shave the facial hair, good things come his way. Surprisingly, when he refused to rid his upper lip of fur, the omnibenevolent one was labeled and rebel and troublemaker.

Yosemite Sam – Sam has such a wicked moustache that it actually encompasses his entire face, including around his eyes. Sam is a mentor of mine, as just like him, I am prone to obscenity-laced tirades when I’ve been outsmarted by a no-good varmint.

Captain Hook – Whether the cartoon character or the live action depiction by Dustin Hoffman, Captain Hook’s trademark cookie-duster is comical and to be feared all at the same time. If you were in his position, wouldn’t you also grow a mustache and do anything else to distract from the hooked hand!?

Snidely Whiplash/Boris Badenov/Dick Dastardly – It seems that back in the day, you couldn’t be an animated villain without sporting some sort of soup strainer. These are some of the most despicable dudes to ever exist and they evilness was only accentuated by their lower brow.

Ron Swanson – The man’s man of the Parks and Rec crew just wouldn’t carry the same respect if he was sans mustache. He is such an aficionado that he’s gone on to teach others how to grow a great mustache and NBC even has t-shirts with Swanson’s likeness available in their shop.

Mario, Luigi, Wario & Wailuigi – These four guys have a yearly competition to see who has the best lady tickler. My vote goes to Wario and his lightning bolt-esque flavour saver!

Machete – What would an anarchist assassin be without a badass ‘stache!? For Machete, the facial fur is all part of the look meant to strike fear in the hearts of those he is paid to dispose of.

Cleveland Brown – In flashbacks, it’s revealed that Cleveland has had a rockin’ ‘stache since his teenage years and when his son shaves it off in an act of revenge, we learn why. Apparently Brown’s voice is created thanks to the hairs and without the mustache, it sounds squeaky and pathetic.

Inspector Clouseau – Clouseau’s mustache was based off of fellow fictional investigator Hercule Poirot, but I’ll take the funny man over the more serious detective any day… providing it’s the Peter Sellers version and not the Steve Martin one.

Borat – I just can’t imagine Borat without his goofy lip foliage. The Kazakhstan journalist has been an inspiration to me and millions around the world, showing us all what lengths we should go to in order to get a story done.

Ron Burgundy – What would a 1970’s newsman be without an epic crumb catcher? In fact, some posters for the upcoming Anchorman sequel prominently focus on the icon’s mustache and that’s all you really need to know before going into the theatre!

J. Jonah Jameson – The Spiderman hater sports a push broom similar to one Adolf Hitler… could there be a connection there? I’m sure Spiderman and all his employees would think so.

Evil Abed/Evil Cartman/Evil Spock – For some reason, a character can be turned “evil” simply by adding facial hair to their usual look. I’ve experimented with this theory every Movember, by becoming a complete and total dick throughout the month!

Drink #314: Movember Rain

Muddle Berries and Mint Leaves
1 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Chambord
Top with half Grapefruit Juice and half Pineapple Juice
Splash of Lemon Juice
Dash of Simple Syrup
Garnish with Mint Leaves and a Berry

Who possesses your favourite upper lip caterpillar? Unfortunately, this is one area where you won’t all be shouting my name. I just can’t seem to grow great facial hair. Good, yes… but great… not for the Sip Advisor.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
There’s a lot going on in this cocktail and I think that detracts from the overall enjoyment on the drink. When you get a focused sip of the Chambord, for example, it’s very good. On other sips, however, you get a mix of different juices and so on and it’s hard to pinpoint a taste. I’m not a fan of weird, combined, unidentifiable flavours, so it’s too bad that happens in this recipe. I tried to make the mint leaves look like a moustache… mission accomplished!

October 31 – Rigor Mortis

Posted on October 31, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Costume Craziness

Halloween can be a fun time of year. It’s the one day where you can be something you’re not. Good girls can go bad and the living can pretend they’re dead. Even animals can get in on the act! Here are the various costumes I’ve worn over the years:

Little Bear

While I don’t recollect this Halloween experience at age 3, I’ve consulted Ma Sip for details of my first Trick or Treat outing. Dressed as a bear (a nice little image for you furry fans out there), the Sip Advisor cried at the first house he was taken to. Then, upon realizing that a simple knock on the door resulted in candy to be giveth, Ma and Pa Sip couldn’t stop this cuddly, maniac bear from hitting every house in the neighbourhood!

Transformer

When I was a wee little sipper, I was a massive fan of the original Transformers cartoon. Pa Sip created a costume for me, so I could be Optimus Prime. Using a large cardboard box painted red and blue, I looked like the leader of the Autobots. One problem: as I showed off my awesome look at pre-school, the box was too big to allow me to sit down and I had to stand most of the day. Even worse, when I first went to hop out of our old 1984 Suburban, I ended up falling, resulting in a turtle-like stranded situation!

Optimus PINT… it could have been so easy for Pa Sip. Hindsight is 20/20!

Batman

Cue the Christian Bale voice… “I’m Batman!” Along with Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney, and soon-to-be Ben Affleck, I too played the role of Batman. But my Batman was more of the awesome Adam West variety. Broski Sip was my sidekick as Robin and together, we saved Gotham City from injustice, were rewarded with candy, and broke the hearts of those handing out treats at every door.

Dracula/Frankenstein

In following years, I experimented with the classic monster costumes. It was fun being all painted up to look undead. I’m not sure I ever looked very intimidating… probably more cute than anything else (no surprise there!). I think these are perfect costumes for kids, as it lets them dip their toe into the world of scary looks, without getting too spooky. I suppose nowadays zombies would be a huge hit for little ones and that just continues the legacy.

Road Dogg

When professional wrestling was one of the biggest phenomena’s in the late 90’s, most of my friends went as one of the grapplers. I went as ‘Road Dogg’ Jesse James, with Grandma Sip even knitting me a hair piece, attached to a D-Generation X hat, to capture Road Dogg’s dreadlock look. It was a pretty simple costume because other than that, all I needed was to wear track pants and my D-X t-shirt. Some didn’t get it, but those who did absolutely loved the effort.

Clark Kent/Superman

After a number of years off from Halloween, I was dragged back into the costume hunting experience by Mrs. Sip. We were thinking of doing something related to one another and when Mrs. Sip decided upon going as Supergirl, I had no other choice, but to go as Superman, despite my abhorrence of the character. Trying to steer slightly away from being ‘The Man of Steel’ I grabbed a costume that was more Clark Kent, but you could pull open the shirt and jacket to reveal the iconic Superman logo.

Couple’s costumes… what a bunch of boobs!

Dr. Howie Feltersnatch

Now going to adult Halloween parties, I was on the prowl for the perfect costume to stir up a little controversy. I settled on a gynecologist outfit and became Dr. Howie Feltersnatch. Go ahead; take a moment to appreciate the finely crafted moniker. With Sookie Stackhouse (aka Mrs. Sip) by my side – with vicious vampire bite and bottle of True Blood – we made a grand entrance… just like the focus of my medical career!

Lady Febreeze

My most recent Halloween misadventure was at Cousin Sip’s party, where guests were challenged to create their own superhero. Mrs. Sip and I came up with the characters The Boozelar (like the Hamburglar, but taking people’s drinks) and Lady Febreeze. Originally, we planned to take our normal gender roles, but decided to swap for effect. Therefore, I showed up wearing a blonde wig, glittered mask, pink bra, hula skirt, glow sticks, and chased people around all night (especially the sneaky Boozelar), squirting them with a water-filled atomizer!

Drink #304: Rigor Mortis

1.5 oz Cherry Vodka (I used Grey Goose Cherry Noir)
0.75 oz Amaretto
Top with half Orange Juice and half Pineapple Juice
Dash of Grenadine
Garnish with Maraschino Cherry

What are some of your memorable costumes? Happy Halloween everyone and stay safe out there!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This drink was good, but not as great as I hoped it would be. I didn’t get a taste of the Grey Goose Cherry Noir like I usually do in other cocktails, as it was unfortunately buried under all the other ingredients. Still, it was a relatively tasty mix.

September 25 – Mojo

Posted on September 25, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Aphrodisiastic

I’m the kind of guy that’s ready to go at all hours of the day. I don’t need any food, drink, or other item to ‘put me in the mood’. I’ve come to understand that not everyone is as awesome as the Sip Advisor and therefore, I’m here to help all you little sippers out there that need an extra boost to get your mojo fired up. Here is an examination of some of the many items purported to help with libido!:

Chocolate – Named an aphrodisiac by women just so they can stuff their faces with the stuff and have an excuse to do so. In the end, they just complain they’re too full and not in any mood for making whoopee.

Oysters – Well, I suppose the whole ‘slimy substance travelling down your throat’ could be practice for fun times later?

Spicy Peppers – These are sure to simulate some part of the body!

Snake Blood – Why not drink the snake’s venom, as well!? I think the only reason snake’s blood is an aphrodisiac is because once you kill one, your heart is pumping so fast you’d be ready to bed a rhino.

Dried Tiger Penis – Oh sure, this will be an easy find. Tiger’s are cuddly and approachable right!? Just like stuffed animals!

No, not that Tiger!

Bull Genitals – Why do all these cultures think that consumption of animal junk will make them more virile?

Spanish Fly – The European Blister Beetle can apparently provide a long-lasting erection that will later require medical attention. Is it worth it?

Fetal Duck Egg – Thanks for this haunting image, Asia. Apparently the fetal duck is most potent after 17 days, begging the question: who tests this stuff?

Stewed Crocodile – Sure crocs are cold-blooded killers, but I really don’t see that translating into sexual prowess, unless you plan on holding your lover underwater until they’re unconscious first.

Looks like kitty got the message!

Leaf-Cutter Ants – At least they’re supposed to taste like bacon when roasted.

Deep-Fried Tarantula – I’m pretty sure Mrs. Sip would kick me out of our place if I even suggested deep-fried tarantula for snack time. I bet it won’t be long before this delicacy is being served at fairs around the world, right next to those deep-fried Mars bars!

Ambergris – This solid, waxy substance is either regurgitated or defecated by sperm whales… you know what, you already lost me…

Pumpkin Pie – So I guess people are only going to get laid around Thanksgiving… at least they’ll have something to be thankful for!

Pineapple – I always told Mrs. Sip that she should get into Hawaiian pizza. It’s tough when you’re always right!

Drink #268: Mojo

1 oz Rum
1 oz Cherry Liqueur
Top with Beer
Splash of Cola
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Splash of Orange Juice
Splash of Pineapple Juice
Garnish with Tiger Penis (kidding!)

Why can’t things like hamburgers and hot dogs be aphrodisiacs? Why does it always have to be the weird stuff!? I’m going to go find me some ambergris and pester Mrs. Sip for a little roll in the hay!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
Wow, this cocktail was good. I was weary of how it would turn out given how many ingredients it called for and which ingredients you were expected to be mixing together, but I really enjoyed the finished product. Cola and Beer mix together much better than I could have ever imagined!

September 20 – Blue Hawaiian

Posted on September 20, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Mahalo

Mrs. Sip and I, along with members of the Sip Alliance are off to Hawaii in a couple days to celebrate my ‘Dirty 30’! I figured it would be a good time to look into things to do on the islands (I will focus on Oahu and the city of Honolulu, as that’s where we’re staying) and while the list could basically say “do absolutely nothing,” there are actually a few must-see and must-do attractions to be enjoyed!

Hike Diamond Head

While I’m vehemently opposed to any exercise while on vacation, the sights from atop Diamond Head are said to be spectacular, giving those brave enough to traverse the volcanic cone a view of the entire island paradise. I only wish it was like the 1975 game show The Diamond Head Game, where contestants stepped into a ‘money volcano’ and tried to grab flying cash!

Buy Something at the Aloha Stadium Market

When Mrs. Sip and I hit the market during our last visit, I grabbed a Hawaii 5-0 t-shirt that said “Book’em Danno” (my dad’s nickname for me when I was a wee little sipper), while Mrs. Sip grabbed a bottle of balsamic vinegar. There are so many other great items up for grabs here, but it doesn’t take too long before you tire of the search. Make sure to keep hydrated in the heat.

Pay Your Respects at Pearl Harbor and the USS Arizona Memorial

The Ben Affleck flick just doesn’t do the story justice… in fact, it probably detracts from the history. The site was home to Japan’s attack on the United States on Dec. 7, 1941, pulling the country into World War II. Make sure to grab your ticket for the attraction early in the day, as the limited vouchers are sold before the morning turns into afternoon.

Learn at the Polynesian Cultural Center

Eight different villages are honoured at the Cultural Centre, including Tonga, Samoa, New Zealand, Fiji, Tahiti, and others. Here, you can get a henna tattoo, learn how to hula dance, participate in tribal games, or even sample the utterly disgusting poi. A true highlight is the Royal Feast, which will leave you completely stuffed, as you enjoy Polynesian dancing and other performing arts.

Do an Island Pub Crawl

In researching this article, I found out there is a Dave & Buster’s in Honolulu, so that is definitely going on the list. Sadly, though, Senor Frog’s closed down this year due to a rent disagreement. When Mrs. Sip and I were on the island in 2009, we travelled around and found some amazing spots and drink deals. Pitchers of beer for $5 and $2 Mai Tais… this isn’t brain science!

Eat, Eat, Eat

There are numerous locations you have to visit in Hawaii for their culinary delectables. From American cuisine favourites at The Cheesecake Factory to romantic seafood meals at Duke’s and everything in between, there’s something for every taste on the island. Mrs. Sip and I found this hidden Mexican joint the last time we were there and hopefully we can track it down again!

Get Wet at Waikiki Beach

Whether you want to try your hand at surfing or snorkeling, play among the waves that crash against the shore, or just hang out on the sand and perfect your tan, hitting the beach offers all this and more. I like to grab a spot close enough to the bars on the other side of the street so that you’re primed for when hunger, thirst, or happy hour strikes.

Appreciate Wildlife at the Honolulu Zoo or Waikiki Aquarium

Perfect for kids and adults who still want to be young, both the zoo and aquarium are home to a number of amazing animal species. The zoo houses 1,230 animals that will keep you enthralled with their behaviour, while the aquarium is located right along the beach, the optimal setting for viewing creatures of the water. Must-see attractions for all ages.

Drink #263: Blue Hawaiian

0.75 oz Light Rum (I used Bacardi)
0.75 oz Vodka
0.5 oz Blue Curacao
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Lemon and Lime Slices

Do you have any suggestions for our upcoming trip and birthday celebration? We’ll try to squeeze it in among all the drinking and relaxing!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (2.5 Sips out of 5):
There are other Blue Hawaii and Blue Hawaiian recipes, but I went with the traditional offering. It was a strong drink and needed a little dilution to taste decent. Perhaps using a Pineapple or Lemon-Lime Soda in the future would give it a little more zip.

September 18 – Mai-Tai

Posted on September 18, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Rum Diary

There are some pretty good rum slogans out there, as companies try to capitalize on the liquor’s perception as a laid back spirit. Here are some of my favourites, as we sail through the Caribbean!:

Sailor Jerry’s – This is no girly rum.

One of my favourite libations of all time and a brand that could be the first inductee into my own personal liquor hall of fame (oh, that sounds like a good article idea!), I love Sailor Jerry’s. And yes, it is certainly not a girly rum… even though there’s a picture of a girl prominently on the bottle. I’ve probably gone through more bottles of Sailor Jerry’s than any other alcohol and that’s something to be proud of!

Malibu – Malibu… seriously easy going.

With the company’s blend of light rum and fruit flavours, one could definitely conclude that Malibu is “seriously easy going”! Is there anything finer in life than relaxing on a sandy beach, the sun bronzing your skin, with a rum-based cocktail in your hand? The all-inclusive industry was based on this theory and now those companies thrive in having people get their R&R on, accompanied by the divine secrets of sweet lady liquor.

Appleton – Raise your rum!

And toast the liquor gods, while you’re at it. This slogan is two-fold. On one hand, they’re talking about raising the quality of the rum you drink when you choose Appleton. On the other hand, it can be viewed as a toast and celebration thanks to the fine folks at Appleton. I’m a big fan of Appleton, something I know I’m not alone on. So, raise your rum to the Sip Advisor and let’s get bombed!

Bacardi – Live like you mean it.

I grew up on Bacardi, as it was my parent’s rum of choice and as a result, I’ll always have a place in my heart for the spirit. I like to think I live most days to the fullest and Bacardi has often helped me with that quest. The Sip Advisor becomes a whole different being when the rum is flowing and good times are set to be had. Every day should be cherished in some way and Bacardi is always a good start!

Captain Morgan – Got a little Captain in you?

I certainly have a little Captain in me… just not in that way… not that there’s anything wrong with that! I have a sense of adventure and of boozing my way through those glorious good times. Pirating is surely in my blood, somewhere along the family lines because I love rum, the water, being aboard ships, and causing mayhem. For those of you that don’t like those things, you can apply to my school of rehabilitation and we’ll get that all sorted out.

Parrot Bay – The Parrot is calling.

If the Parrot is calling, I’m certainly listening! And that’s even though I absolutely hate birds. At least the parrot is a colourful species, which helps you ignore all the other annoying bird elements for a short time. Then, once you get to the rum drinking, you completely put aside all of your hatred towards the aviary animals. We can all get along thanks to a little shared enjoyment of the finer things in life.

Drink #261: Mai-Tai

0.75 oz Dark Rum (I used Captain Morgan)
0.75 oz Light Rum
0.5 oz Amaretto
0.5 oz Triple Sec
Top with half Orange Juice and half Pineapple Juice
Float Grenadine
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry and Cocktail Umbrella

Which rum slogans are you particularly fond of? Has the Sip Advisor slipped up and left your favourite line off this list. Come on, give me hell!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
While I wasn’t able to pull of the traditional Mai-Tai recipe (not having access to Orgeat Syrup), Mrs. Sip and I found an adapted recipe that subs Amaretto in its place. The drink was good, surprising Mrs. Sip who has a dislike for Amaretto and a love for Mai-Tais. If it passes her taste test, it can’t be written off!

Sip Advisor

The Good, The Bad & The Bubbly

Tag Archives: pineapple juice