December 20 – Jack Frost

Holiday Horrors

Christmas is supposed to be all about good tidings and joy, but some would have you think otherwise. The following entries are only interested in disrupting the holiday and even putting an end to Santa Claus and the whole spirit of Christmas. Let’s wade together into the darker side of the season!

#5: Xanta Klaus

Professional wrestling is the perfect breeding grounds for detestable anti-Christmas characters. Among those creations is Xanta Klaus, who arrived on the scene in 1995, under the guise of giving out gifts to children, only to turn on wrestler Savio Vega and beat him with his toy-filled sack. Unfortunately, Xanta Klaus was short-lived, with writers probably realizing he didn’t have a shelf life past December 25th. Even wrestling events in the month of December take on a not-so-friendly air, with names like Season’s Beatings, Massacre of 34th Street, Holiday Hell, and December to Dismember.

#4: Robot Santa

This mechanized version of Santa, as seen on Futurama, is hell bent on ruining every Christmas. He was originally created to decide whether a child was naughty or nice and then reward or punish the youngster accordingly. His programming goes all haywire, however, and he ends up believing everyone is bad, leading to the launch of aggressive assaults each Christmas Eve, with an array of seasonal weapons. If Robot Santa wasn’t bad enough on his own, he is occasionally joined by Kwanzaabot and the Chanukah Zombie, with the group being collectively known as The Trinity.

#3: Christmas Time in South Park

The brilliant minds behind South Park don’t mind turning the Christmas season into their own satirical playground, with heroic holiday characters that include Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo and even cult leader Charles Manson. If the bad guys are good, then the antagonists must be really evil. Episodes have seen Iraqi soldiers torture Santa Claus, only for Jesus to save the jolly fat man; Woodland Christmas critters giving birth to the antichrist; and heck, the animated short by Trey Parker and Matt Stone that largely led to South Park’s existence was titled Jesus vs. Santa, and included the two fighting, before coming to a truce over orange smoothies!

south_park_christmas

#2: Jack Frost

What happens when a serial killer en route to his execution dies in a horrific accident? Well, if his name is Jack Frost, he comes back as a deranged snowman, of course. Then, he terrorizes the lawman who apprehended him and the town of Snowmonton (yes, that was seriously the city’s name), including raping a woman in the shower with his carrot nose and murdering piles of people. Hell, Frost did call himself the “world’s most pissed off snow cone!” Ironically, only a year later, a family film with the same name was released and had a similar plot (man dies and turns into snowman), minus all the slaying and carrot-based sexual assault.

#1: Krampus

This European legend is the anti-Santa, used to encourage kids to be good, or else! In some countries, the creature has somehow gained his own celebration night, Krampusnacht, on December 5th, the eve before St. Nicholas Day, which rewards good children. This has involved people dressing up as the man-beast and beating others up. Krampus was depicted on American Dad as actually being a good guy, only trying to correct bad behaviour in kids, while Santa is the true villain. There is also the similar Belsnickel, who has the split personality of both Krampus and St. Nicholas and was famously portrayed by Dwight Schrute on The Office.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Jack Frost

Dec 20

  • Rim glass with Candy Cane Bits
  • 0.5 oz Kahlua
  • 0.5 oz Bailey’s Irish Crème
  • 0.5 oz Peppermint Schnapps
  • Garnish with a Candy Cane

A couple honourable mentions that could have been included on this list, had they not had a change of heart and eventually embraced the season, include the Grinch and Jack Skellington. I hope all you little sippers have a wonderful Christmas and get lit up like the tree!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I can’t believe how many shot recipes start with Kahlua and Irish Crème… too many. To change thing up a little, I used Yukon Jack Perma Frost, instead of Peppermint Schnapps. The Perma Frost adds cinnamon notes to the usual mint flavour and kind of completed this shooter.

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December 6 – Christmas Jones

Reasons to Celebrate

Today is St. Nicholas Day, a little holiday I’ve always known and still celebrate to this day. As part of the tradition, we leave a boot outside our bedroom door, which is stuffed full of goodies by St. Nick. Here are some other celebrations that you may or may not have heard of!

Festivus (Dec. 23)

A Festivus for the rest of us! This fictional holiday that has grown to be celebrated by many was first popularized on the TV show Seinfeld by Frank Costanza. It is meant for those who wish to avoid the commercialism and other requirements of Christmas. Instead, Festivus revelers participate in events such as the “Feats of Strength” and “Airing of Grievances”. There is also the Festivus Pole, which is simply an undecorated aluminum pole (the Family Sip has had one decorate the house for years!). Try the event for yourself and hopefully you encounter a “Festivus Miracle” during your observance!

happy-festivus

The Sip Advisor has an airing of grievances each and every day… it`s very cathartic… serenity now!

Hanukkah (2013: Nov. 27 – Dec. 5)

Also known as the Festival of Lights and the Feast of Dedication, Hanukkah celebrates the miracle of oil… I guess because the Jews knew they would make tons of money off the product in the future!? It’s also to rejoice over the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. Traditions include lighting one branch of the Menorah candle over each of the eight days that make up the holiday, eating fried foods, playing dreidel games and exchanging gelt, which is often cash money, homies!

Kwanzaa (Dec. 26 – Jan. 1)

This week-long celebration honours African-American culture, leading up to a spectacular feast and gift exchanging. The event includes seven principles, comprised of unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics (Commie bastards!), purpose, creativity, and faith. Kwanzaa (meaning “first fruits of the harvest” in Swahili) was created in 1966 by Maulana Karenga, a professor and activist heavily involved in the Black Power movement.

Kwanzaa

Winter Solstice (2013: Dec. 21)

The Winter Solstice is celebrated by a number of different events around the world, including the Dongzhi Festival (China, Vietnam, Korea, Japan, Taiwan, etc.), Hogmanay (Scotland), Inti Raymi (Peru), Lohri (India), St. Lucy’s/Lucia’s Day (Scandinavia), Maruaroa o Takurua (New Zealand), and Yalda (Iran), among many others. Most events include ceremonies, feasts, gifts, offerings, and general celebration. I often celebrate the day by drinking to excess… but I do that every other day, too!

Drink #340: Christmas Jones

Christmas Jones Drink Recipe

  • 1.5 oz Vodka (I used Strawberry-Kiwi)
  • Blend Strawberries & Pineapple Juice
  • Tsp of Sugar
  • Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
  • Garnish with Mint Leaves

Are there any holidays out there I missed that simply must be celebrated. Call me out on my obliviousness and give me another reason to party this winter season!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is one of the first times I’ve busted Mrs. Sips Magic Bullet (the mini blender, not the sex toy) out for a cocktail. The resulting mix was pretty good with Pineapple Juice and Strawberries making for a good combo. Without the Lemon-Lime Soda, this drink would not have done so well, but having that fizz to finish off the recipe was the icing on the cake!