Flavour Revolution – Gingerbread

Posted on December 30, 2015 by Daniel Wilson

‘Tis the Season

Mrs. Sip and I picked up a bottle of Southern Comfort: Gingerbread last year in Hawaii and should play around with it more than we have to this point. Here are some other spirits perfect for the winter and holiday season:

Bailey’s Irish Crème

Bailey’s is a holiday staple, perfect for morning coffee (not for the Sip Advisor, though) or straight up as a night cap. Last Christmas, Sis-in-Law Sip gave me a bottle of Chocolate Cherry, which I only haven’t opened because I was going through another crème liqueur and don’t like having too many on the go. Other flavours perfect for the season (and year round), include Orange Truffle, Vanilla Cinnamon, Biscotti, Hazelnut, Salted Caramel, Mint Chocolate, and Crème Caramel.

Kahlua

With flavours such as Hazelnut, Cinnamon Spice, Peppermint Mocha, and French Vanilla, Kahlua ranks right up there with Bailey’s as a textbook winter treat. New to their product line is a Salted Caramel version, which has the Sip Advisor quite intrigued. Kahlua – and other liqueurs – are basically the only way I will intake coffee and despite my complete disregard of the hot beverage, I do have a soft spot for it in booze form.

Peppermint Schnapps

I love putting a couple dashes of Peppermint Schnapps in my hot chocolate. The Sip Advisor is currently using Yukon Jack Permafrost as his go to winter warmer. This product is unique in that it combines the flavours of peppermint and cinnamon all in one bottle. There are also a few peppermint-flavoured vodkas on the market, including Smirnoff Peppermint Twist Vodka and Burnett’s Candy Cane Vodka. Earlier this month, I used the Candy Cane Vodka for another Flavour Revolution article.

Eggnog Liqueur

You can’t go through the Christmas season without eggnog. Even people who aren’t crazy about the beverage (such as myself), end up indulging in the nog at least once… for tradition’s sake. A number of companies have jumped on the eggnog bandwagon, releasing pre-mixed bottles of the festive drink. An interesting Peppermint Chocolate variation comes from the Evan Williams distillery, which turns the dial up on Christmas!

Spicebox Gingerbread Whiskey

In a similar vein to the SoCo Gingerbread we’re working with today, comes Spicebox Gingerbread Whiskey. I’m going to start sounding like a broken record, but this is another spirit that I have had great interest in, but have yet to purchase and sample. Along with the cookies it is inspired by, gingerbread is perfect at this time of year, soothing eaters and drinkers with a spice and warmth that is unlike any other treat available.

Jack Daniels Winter Jack

Having been a Jack Daniels fan since before I even began drinking, I’ve always been curious of this winter release, which combines the famous Tennessee whiskey with apple cider to produce a ready-to-drink cocktail. Sis-in-Law Sip gifted me a bottle of this for Christmas this year, but as of press time, I’m still showing it off underneath our tree. It sounds like the perfect liqueur to bring in the New Year with, so perhaps I’ll have to report back to all you little sippers.

Flavour Revolution: Late Night Affair

Rim glass with Gingerbread Crumbs
1.5 oz Southern Comfort Gingerbread
1 oz Cointreau
Top with Cranberry Juice
Splash of Club Soda
Dash of Lime Juice
Garnish with a Lime Wedge

There’s also a multitude of winter beers on the market, many of which I have covered in my recent Sip Trips articles, looking at the craft beer advent calendar Mrs. Sip compiled for me. Is there anything else out there I’ve neglected and should add to my shopping list?

Sip Trips #51: Amazing Advent (Part 6)

Posted on December 29, 2015 by Daniel Wilson

I have to keep saying how much fun this craft beer advent calendar has been and I implore anyone out there to do it for their significant other. Sure, it’s costly, but as I joked with Mrs. Sip, I probably would have spent the same amount throughout the month otherwise! Let’s look at days 19-22:

Day 19: Big Rock Rauchbier

When Big Rock opened their Urban Eatery location in Vancouver and Mrs. Sip and I were able to visit for the first time, I fell in love with this beer (or bier, if you will!). I have not been shy of the fact that I love smoky beers, spirits, and cocktails and this is a very good option for one of those categories. Having now tried a bottled version of this beer, I’m still hooked and love the caramel smoky campfire taste that finishes each sip.

Day 20: Wychwood Bah Humbug

In the past, I have at least once included this brew in the advent calendar I put together annually for Mrs. Sip, but this time I was the recipient. It doesn’t get much more Christmas-themed than calling your beer Bah Humbug and featuring Ebenezer Scrooge, himself, on the label. I wish more of Wychwood’s (based in Oxfordshire, U.K.) brews made their way to North American stores, as some look really neat. They even have a line of potato chips.

Day 21: Spinnakers Festive Saison

Having recently enjoyed their Oyster Stout (of all things!), I was happy to see a Spinnakers beer pop up in the advent calendar. The Victoria-based brew pub releases their Festive Saison – a blend of spiced saison and apple cider – annually. This beer was very good, one of my favourite from the entire month. The brewery suggests that the beer pairs well with a burger, but I can vouch for it working with bad Hallmark Christmas movies!

Day 22: Granville Island Twisted Twin Dunkelweizen

Granville Island Brewing is Vancouver’s oldest micro-brewery and while some debate whether it still deserves a spot in this group, their small batch releases keep them in the conversation. I tried a sample of the Dunkelweizen at this year’s Hopscotch Festival and was impressed that GIB would bring such a unique offering and not just their flagship brews. I have still yet to try the brewery’s Cocoa Loco Chocolate Porter, but will remedy that before the season is done.

The finish line of the craft beer advent calendar is now within sight, although I wish it would disappear amongst the inclement weather the season is typical of. Join us next time for the final two brews and the Sip Advisor’s final thoughts!

December 26 – Christmas Cheer

Posted on December 26, 2015 by Daniel Wilson

Better to Give

Christmas may have passed, but to keep in the spirit, let’s have one more look at some great gifts given, this time in TV history:

#5: iPod – The Office

Looking to impress young intern Ryan, Michael Scott totally disregards the $20 limit on Secret Santa gifts and instead buys a $400 iPod, setting off a trading war for the music player. The real great gift was what Jim had put together for Pam: a tea pot filled with mementos and a private letter (which he later withdrew). Across the pond, the U.K. Office also had a memorable gift exchange, when Tim gave Dawn an art set, encouraging her to “Never give up” on her dreams.

#4: Blank Cheque – Mary Tyler Moore Show

While it was simply an oversight, Mary Richards’ Christmas turned interesting when she received a blank cheque from boss, Lou Grant, as a gift. What would you do? Personally, I would bilk TV station WJM of every dime they had and then vanish into the night, never to be seen again, as I live the rest of my days in some tropical paradise with Mrs. Sip and an endless supply of booze. Mary, on the other hand, had to go and inform the gruff managing editor of his error.

#3: Leonard Nimoy’s Autograph – Big Bang Theory

Christmas shopping can be an awkward exercise, especially when finding a gift for someone you don’t know so well. Part of the issue is you don’t know what they might be getting you in return. Sheldon Cooper seemed to have that all figured out by buying his neighbour Penny bath baskets in varying sizes. When she surprises him with a signed napkin from his hero Leonard Nimoy (Star Trek’s Spock), he rushes to his room and gathers every basket he had assembled.

#2: Santa’s Little Helper – The Simpsons

Down on his luck after learning he will not receive a Christmas bonus and that his second job as a mall Santa didn’t pay out as he had hoped, Homer Simpson had no presents for his family. Fortune has a funny way of turning around at Christmas, though, and as Homer and Bart are picking through the discarded wagers outside the dog track, hoping to find a winning stub, out comes the dog they bet on, in need of a new family. This special was the start of The Simpsons long animated run.

#1: Lost Love Letters – A Garfield Christmas

There are some incredibly thoughtful gifts in this Christmas special. While Odie’s construction of a backscratcher for Garfield was incredibly cute, the lasagna-loving cat stole the holiday by unearthing lost love letters sent to Grandma Arbuckle by her late husband. The funny thing is that if this were ever to happen for Mrs. Sip in the very distant future, a tuna water-loving kitty would have to dig up all my old e-mails to her. Hopefully the cat has no issues remembering my password.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Christmas Cheer

0.75 oz Peppermint Schnapps
0.75 oz Eggnog
Garnish with a Candy Cane

Some might argue that the greatest gift from TV might be the now real holiday of Festivus, from the Seinfeld episode The Strike. If that’s how you prefer to celebrate, I hope your airing of grievances, feats of strength, and Festivus miracles are everything you ever wished for!

Flavour Revolution – Apricot

Posted on December 22, 2015 by Daniel Wilson

Cautious Cuisine

Despite the deliciousness, popularity, and versatility of apricots, it should be noted that the fruit’s pits (or kernels) are actually poisonous and can produce a form of cyanide. Here are some other foods that are alarmingly poisonous and potentially dangerous to your health:

Mushrooms

This one is too easy… I mean, come on, it’s defined as a fungus. That said, mushrooms can be many things, from delicious to deadly, healing to hallucinogenic. With regards to poisonous mushrooms, flat caps are a huge giveaway and toxic shrooms come with names such as death caps, destroying angels and dapperlings. Scarily, it is feared that many European mushrooms may be contaminated thanks to the 1986 Chernobyl nuclear disaster.

Nuts – Almonds, Cashews, Peanuts

Sure, many folks out there have severe allergies to nuts, particularly peanuts, but other types, when eaten raw, can be dangerous. Raw almonds, also known as bitter almonds, contain cyanide and can be fatal when consumed in large doses. Regardless, they are still sold in some stores, with risk being handed over to the customer to decide how cautious they want to be. Other countries have outright banned the nuts from being available.

Fruit – Apples, Cherries, Tomatoes

The seeds in apples and pits in cherry, contain cyanide. Cherries have resulted in other deaths non-edible deaths. Lucullus, a Roman general, committed suicide in 56BC, upon learning that he was running out of cherries, a crop he had introduced to Europe years before. Tomatoes were once thought to be poisonous by Europeans who didn’t trust the delicious fruit. It took some time for those fears to dissipate and now there’s only the odd salmonella outbreak.

Tuna

The issue with tuna, other than the facts that it smells horrible and doesn’t taste that great either (yes, this is solely according to the Sip Advisor), is that levels of mercury absorbed by the fish before it is caught and killed can be passed on to the consumer. This has given me pause for thought about how much the Sip Family kitties love getting served tuna water. Man, they love that stuff and go nuts whenever the can opener is used!

Potatoes

Potatoes are such an integral part of people’s diets that it’s a little scary how dangerous, albeit rare, their consumption can be. My first thought was that someone from the popcorn lobby made this accusation up to spoil the potato chip industry, but I have since learned the charges are true. Basically, what you have to watch out for is when a potato turns green, which if eaten, can result in weakness, coma, and even death.

Blowfish

Consuming blowfish (fugu) can be like playing a round of Russian roulette. Unless prepared to perfection, it can be very poisonous. As a result, the emperor of Japan is barred from eating the fish, despite it being a cultural delicacy. One famous incident involved kabuki actor Bandō Mitsugorō VIII, who believed he could tolerate the poison… he was wrong. There is also an episode of The Simpsons where Homer eats Fugu and is told he only has 24 hours to live.

Flavour Revolution: Virgin’s Kiss

1.25 oz Dark Rum
0.5 oz Apricot Brandy
0.5 oz Galliano
Top with Pineapple Juice
Splash of Sour Mix
Garnish with an Apricot Slice

This list could also include rhubarb, elderberry, raw meat and eggs, and even underprepared honey. I’ll stick to my artery-clogging potato chips , thank you very much, which will only get me in the long run!

Sip Trips #50: Amazing Advent (Part 5)

Posted on December 21, 2015 by Daniel Wilson

With this post, we’ve hit the half century mark for Sip Trips articles and what better way to celebrate than with another look at the craft beer advent calendar that Mrs. Sip has put together for yours truly:

Day 15: Longwood Super G Cream Ale

This ginseng-infused beer is another that departs from the Christmas and winter theming, but was picked up because of its intriguing flavor profile. The fall seasonal is heavy on ginger taste, but not in an offending way. Prior to receiving this beer, I was unfamiliar with the Nanaimo-based brewery, but upon closer inspection, I’d love to try their Winter’s Own Weizenbock, if I can get my hands on it before it disappears at season’s end.

Day 16: Postmark Winter Red

With all the dark winter beers on the market, it’s nice to see something come out in the red variety, which seems a little more festive than dark browns and blacks. I’ve had some of Postmark’s seasonal beers (Raspberry Lemon Zest Hefe, BISA – Belgian India Session Ale, and Saisonella) in the past and this one may have been the best of the bunch. It was a very refreshing beer with good flavour.

Day 17: Bridge Sleigh Booster Imperial Red Ale

Sticking with red ales, comes the second entry from Bridge Brewing to make its way into the advent calendar. The beer is 9%, but I would have never guessed that while drinking it. The brew goes down super easy and I’d say I liked this better than The Grinch that came before it (and stole Christmas!). Cousin Sip recently grabbed a Groupon to visit Bridge and do a tasting, so I look forward to that in the near future.

Day 18: Steel & Oak Beechwood Smoked Honey Dopplebock

Mrs. Sip and I are big fans of Steel & Oak and with how close it is to Mrs. Sip’s place of work, this has made it a convenient brewery to visit. I’ve enjoyed many of the brewery’s smoked efforts, including their Hefeweizen and Lager and while I liked the smoky finish to this beer, it also cemented the fact that I’m not the biggest fan of honey in brews, as it results in a flavour I’m not a huge fan of and generally makes the beverage sweeter.

One of the things I’ve learned throughout this advent calendar experience is that many winter seasonals are quite the mouthful to talk about and take up some quality real estate in my posts. I suppose that doesn’t matter so much, as long as the brew is good. Here’s hoping the last week of the advent calendar brings more enjoyment!

December 19 – Dirty Christmas Tree

Posted on December 19, 2015 by Daniel Wilson

Christmas Cringe

Christmas is right around the corner and these are some of the gifts you wouldn’t want to find under your tree. In most cases, the thought is there, but the results just don’t pan out. Let’s see what will be sent to donation in the very near future:

#5: Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge – The Simpsons

All Bart wanted for Christmas was the violent video game Bonestorm, going so far as to steal a copy from the local Try-N-Save department store. Of course, he gets caught, breaking his mom’s heart. After making amends for ruining the family holiday photo, Marge says that she has found the perfect gift for Bart. When it’s video game-shaped, he quickly unwraps the package to reveal… Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge. It’s not what he wanted, but having his mom’s love again is all he really needs.

#4: Old Radio Tapes – NewsRadio

While the rest of the WNYX staff receive sports cars – after complaining about their original gifts of repurposed baseball hats from station owner and eccentric billionaire Jimmy James – Matthew is left out, receiving only a set of Fibber McGee and Molly tapes. Not only does he miss out on a car because Mr. James tried to get personal gifts for the staff after his first misfire (before resorting to the expensive cars), but Matthew’s favourite old time radio show is Jack Benny.

#3: A Pebble – A Muppet Family Christmas

Don’t get me wrong, this Christmas special is beloved by the Sip Advisor and the entire Sip Kingdom, but a pebble as a present is a horrible idea. You can tell it’s bad because after the Fraggles give the rock to Robin the Frog (complete with song trying to justify why such an awful offering has occured), he quickly flips it, re-gift style, to Grover. I never really got the whole Fraggle Rock crew and am glad they spent most of this momentous Christmas celebration underground.

#2: Frame and Hook – Mr. Bean

As Mr. Bean and his girlfriend are shopping for Christmas gifts, they walk by a jewellery store, where she drops hints that she’d like a ring. Of course, Mr. Bean completely gets the wrong message and thinks she wants the photo frame that sits nearby the jewellery. So, a frame and hook for that frame is what she receives, causing her to flee his apartment in tears. Mr. Bean does treat his stuffed bear better, though, replacing the button eyes Teddy was in need of.

#1: Coal – Rugrats

Okay, the bratty Angelica ends up getting exactly what she wants for Christmas (a Deluxe Cynthia Beach House), even after she has been a total terror… but Santa might have left a little something to strike some fear in the girl’s black heart, when opening the house’s garage door reveals some coal residue. I guess she did try to remedy all of her bad behaviour upon warning from Grandpa Lou about what wicked kids can expect from Santa as far as gifts go.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Dirty Christmas Tree

0.25 oz Melon Liqueur
0.25 oz Coconut Rum
0.25 oz Pineapple Juice
0.25 oz Sour Mix
Drop of Grenadine

Researching these TV articles was not an easy task and so if I’ve missed any of the worst gifts given in small screen history, please let me know. Merry Christmas, my little sippers!

Sip Trips #49: Amazing Advent (Part 4)

Posted on December 17, 2015 by Daniel Wilson

Mrs. Sip has advised me that as we enter the second half of the craft beer advent calendar, some of her selections aren’t based on the beer having a winter or Christmas theme, but being intriguing brew styles that she knew I’d enjoy trying. So, let’s get right down to it!

Day 11: Hale’s Ales India Session Ale

Coming to you live from Seattle, this fall seasonal was a really awesome beer with hops that didn’t completely blow you away, but were prevalent enough to really be relished. At only 4.7%, this has been one of the lighter beers to come from the advent calendar, but that’s another fine change to have as the month progresses. This is the first beer I’ve had from the Washington company, but it advertises itself as the Northwest’s longest running independently owned brewery. I’ll have to find more selections.

Day 12: Parallel 49 Sahti Claus Finnish Sahti

I don’t think I’ve ever had a Finnish Sahti style beer, but if they’re anything like Parallel 49’s version, it’s a pretty good variety. Traditionally, Sahtis are characterized by the flavor of juniper berries, sometimes used instead of hops. Apparently, Parallel 49 first released this beer in 2013 and it has somehow slipped under my radar these past few years. Like Phillips Brewing, Parallel 49 has some really unique labels and this is among them, featuring what can best be described as a European Santa Claus/bigfoot cross.

Day 13: Phillips Thorny Horn Sour Raspberry Brown Ale

Speaking of Phillips, the Victoria brewery makes a second appearance in the advent calendar, thanks to another variety that I’ve never come across before. In recent times, I’ve enjoyed some really good brown ales and the addition of sour raspberry had me salivating after pulling this bottle from the calendar. I think the brown style ale gave the sour raspberries a perfect balance and this beer went down very easy. This may be one of the brewery’s tamest labels to date, though.

Day 14: 4 Mile Sweet Potato Harvest Spiced Ale

This was another very unique brew that had me excited from the moment it was revealed. I’m very impressed with Mrs. Sip’s choices for the advent calendar and her pushing me to experiment with many of these beers. After previously enjoying 4 Mile’s English Strong Ale, this brew had a fair bit to live up to and while it wasn’t as good as the Strong Ale, I still liked it. After looking more into 4 Mile’s seasonal brews, I’m looking forward to trying their Prickly Pear Cactus Wheat Ale and Tangerine Dream Ale, due out this spring.

I’m kind of sad to be halfway through the craft beer advent calendar, having really enjoyed it being part of my late evenings, revealing the next brew shortly after the clock turns over to start a new day. Mrs. Sip may have created her own monster here!

Flavour Revolution – Papaya

Posted on December 14, 2015 by Daniel Wilson

Slang Bangers

Somehow, the papaya has become slang in Costa Rica for a statement lacking truth, as well as in Cuba for a woman’s downtown lady parts. Here is some other fruit-based slang that will change the way you look at melons, berries, and citrus:

Apples

In this category, you can become a bad apple, be the apple of one’s eye, be an apple that didn’t fall far from the tree, polish one’s apple with a flattering comment, be a Jackson 5 song and spoil the whole bunch, or be compared through the apples and oranges argument. So, how do you like them apples?

Bananas

I’m not a big banana fan and I certainly wouldn’t want to live in a banana republic, which means crazy stuff is going down in an unstable country… and yet a clothing store took the name. On the other hand, I’ve often enjoyed the work of second bananas on TV and in movies. And in all honesty, Mrs. Sip would probably tell you I went bananas many years ago and somehow she still puts up with me… perhaps she drove me there!

Cherry

My life is pretty damn good. One might say that it’s a bowl of cherries. I work hard to maintain my relationships and keep everything in cherry condition. I’m very careful in making choices and tend to cherry-pick. Although, in sports such as hockey, I’ve never been one to cherry pick offensively and have always had a mind for the defensive end and a complete game.

Lemon

Perhaps best applied to cars – some U.S. states even have lemon laws to protect used car buyers – this term is used to describe items that are constantly in need of repair. In a completely different realm, adult-oriented Japanese comics, known as Hentai, are apparently called lemon in the western world.

Melon

Running the complete gamut, the noble family of melons can be used to describe everything from someone’s head to a women’s ample bosoms. If you were trying to decide the best melon for either of those body parts, I’m sure the answers would be quite varied.

Grape

I think some of the worst people out in the world are those who have sour grapes because they are envious of what others have, not appreciating what they themselves have been blessed with. Also, if you go to the vine where grapes are grown, you might become a player in the spreading of a rumour and these folks might not be much better than those with sour grapes.

Pear

When something takes the shape of a pear, you know trouble is coming. It means that plans have backfired and some serious improv is needed to get things back on track and save the mission. There are many theories on where the term originated, from human bodies as we age to World War I and II happenings and even ship construction.

Peach

As described above, most of my life can be described as being peachy. Mrs. Sip plays a large role in this, as she’s a peach. I suppose if you hated peaches or were allergic to them, you might be hesitant to use the term to define anything good.

Flavour Revolution: Compadre

1.5 oz Bear Hug Papaya Tequila
0.25 oz Maraschino Liqueur
Splash of Grenadine
Dash of Orange Bitters

It seems like so many of these fruit slangs can be turned sexual. Even the innocent apricot is used to describe a man’s cajonies, while the cherry can be referenced for a number of different adult-oriented ideas.

Sip Trips #48: Amazing Advent (Part 3)

Posted on December 13, 2015 by Daniel Wilson

This month has been rolling along and I think my craft beer advent calendar has played a substantial role in that. Each morning, I look forward to revealing that day’s brew and popping it into the fridge to be enjoyed that evening. On that subject, let’s look at what the rest of this week brought me:

Day 7: R&B Auld Nick Winter Ale

This beer packs one hell of a punch and the brewer’s at R&B are proud of that, tweeting back to me on Twitter: “It’s one of our faves for just that reason.” To be honest, I like it too, although each sip brings a slap to the face that will have beer amateurs backing away from the brew. The R&B crew are also quick to note that this is not your typical winter ale, lacking the spices one would normally experience. The logo is great with Saint Nick himself pouring beer for an eclectic group of tavern visitors.

Day 8: 4 Mile English Strong Ale

This is another beer that I had the luxury of trying at the Hopscotch Festival Grand Tasting Hall and it was one of my favourite samples from that day. The brew comes exactly as advertised: It is a strong style ale, but it is incredibly smooth. The website description for the beers flavours is very entertaining: “There’s a bit of a wrestling match going on to see who’s nuttier, but they decide on a harmonious truce, and call for an alliance of flavours where no one is the conqueror and everybody wins.”

Day 9: Steamworks Blitzen

After a couple more dark seasonal beers, it was nice to venture into other territory again. Despite being on the market for a few years, I’ve never tried the Blitzen Belgian Tripel until now. I did enjoy it and it did not taste like a 9% brew. The bottle features lines from classic Christmas songs, geared towards the brewery, like “Let it steam, let it steam, let it steam!” If this beer doesn’t interest you (although it should), new to the Steamworks arsenal of brews this year is the intriguing Winter White Stout.

Day 10: Powell Street Dunkelweizen

I have become a fan of dunkelweizens this winter season as it puts a spin on my favourite type of beers – wheats and weizens – and darkens them up for the holidays. That does beg the question why many winter beers are dark, when we’re trying our best to lighten everything up and avoid Seasonal Affective Disorder? Anyway, with flavours of chocolate, clove, and banana, this brew has me thinking of traditional German Christmases and celebrating the holiday in July.

I can’t thank Mrs. Sip enough for putting this together for me. If you’d like to look back at the rest of the advent calendar beers, so far, you can find those articles here: Amazing Advent (Part 1) and Amazing Advent (Part 2).

December 12 – Yellow Snow

Posted on December 12, 2015 by Daniel Wilson

Gift Receipt Required

Last week, we opened the Super Saturday Shot Day Christmas season with a look at some of the best gifts given and received in movie history. Today, we see the flipside of that, with the worst presents to be exchanged. These should have definitely been returned to the sender:

#5: Necklace – Love, Actually

I know what you’re saying: “You’re crazy, Sip Advisor… all that boozing has finally damaged your brain!” Now, before you exhile me from this site and the internet altogether, hear me out. The necklace given in this case is a bad gift because it was to be given to the wrong person. Karen (Emma Thompson) is ecstatic when she believes she’ll be receiving an expensive necklace from her husband (Alan Rickman). When all she gets is a Joni Mitchell CD, she knows something is up and confronts her partner. Rickman can’t seem to get Christmas right, given this and his turn as Hans Gruber in Die Hard!

#4: Lingerie – Elf

Giving your partner some sexy lingerie might be the most selfish gift in history (not that there’s anything wrong with that!). I mean, who’s it really for!? That said, it gets even worse when you’re a middle-aged elf, giving your long-lost father a sexy teddy. With so much sugar running through his veins, Buddy was bound to make some mistakes in his first visit to the world away from the North Pole. And what a confusing place to start, as he must travel to New York City to reunite a father who didn’t even know he existed.

#3: Bunny Pajamas – A Christmas Story

Most of us have been there at some point in our lives, when a gift from a distant relative just doesn’t jive with our wants and desires. Poor Ralphie not only gets a set of bunny pajamas (complete with floppy ears and cottontail) from his aunt Clara, but to add insult to injury, the sleepwear is pink because aunt Clara mistakes Ralphie for being a girl… not a strapping young lad capable of wielding a Red Ryder BB Gun. After showing his new jammies off to his mom, dad, and brother (who can’t help but laugh at the ridiculous outfit), Ralphie is allowed to change and get back to his present opening.

#2: Jelly of the Month Club – Christmas Vacation

Looking to cut costs, Frank Shirley enrols his employees in a Jelly of the Month Club, rather than reward them with their annual Christmas bonus, as has been tradition. Aside from the loss of cash money, I have to ask: Is there really that many good jellies to fill up the calendar? As Clark Griswold says, with his boss held hostage in their home, people rely on that money and when they don’t get it, that’s just rotten. Mr. Shirley learns his lesson and promises to bring the bonuses back, even adding an extra 20% to Clark’s. If it had been a Beer of the Month Club, would all be alright!?

#1: Various – The Nightmare Before Christmas

While his heart is in the right place – wait, does Jack Skellington even have a heart? – any gift coming from Sandy Claws is probably one you shouldn’t bother opening. In his attempt to become the new face of Christmas, Jack delivers shrunken heads, Christmas tree-eating snakes, pumpkin jack-in-the-boxes, vampire teddy bears, toy ducks with sharp teeth, and living wreaths to the children of the world, causing dismay and chaos on Christmas morning. Jack really sounds more like a Christmas-themed mercenary than the bearer of great gifts.

Super Saturday Shot Day: Yellow Snow

1 oz Vanilla Vodka
0.5 oz Pineapple Juice

While The Gift of the Magi presents are incredibly thoughtful, they’re poorly planned and communicated: Jim sells his watch to buy Della a comb for her hair, while Della sells her hair to buy Jim a chain for his watch. Definitely a couple that needed to focus a little more and buy a mutually awesome gift together!