December 15 – The Mistletoe

Posted on December 15, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

All I Want for Christmas

As I researched my post on the worst Christmas albums, I came across a ton of horrible cover art that just has to be shared with all you little sippers. Prepare to be horrified and delighted all at the same time!

Rudy Ray Moore – This Ain’t No White Christmas

Horrible cover, but absolutely amazing idea! I need to get Mrs. Sip on board with Rudy Ray Moore’s idea of holiday attire. Who exactly is Rudy Ray Moore, you might be asking? Well, my little sippers, Mr. Moore is the legendary Dolemite, one of the most famous blaxploitation characters. This Ain’t No White Christmas is one of Moore’s comedy releases and features a two-part ‘The Night Before Christmas’.

Lenny Dee – Happy Holi-dee

He didn’t even bother to put on the friggin’ Santa beard! Or, perhaps, the dogs he’s holding yanked it off and he said, “You know what, fuck it! Take the damn picture and let’s get out of here.” Dee’s Wikipedia page says that he was a virtuoso organist… Mrs. Sip would say the same about me! Happy Holi-dee isn’t Dee’s only release to incorporate his last name. He also had Dee-Lightful, Dee-Lirious, Dee-Licious, Dee-Frosting, and many more.

Thore Skogmans Julskiva – Klappa Pa!

Here’s all the meat I’ll be sexually gratifying you with… what’s that? You aren’t into meat loving? Oh, I guess I’m alone in that regard. Perhaps I’m being too hard on Thore here. He just looks like a happy-go-lucky dude who really enjoys meat and Christmas feasts. Klappa Pa sounds like something you’d hear at a German beer hall and that’s all well and good, but it’s certainly not something I’d want to get my stein on to.

William Hung – Hung for the Holidays

They made William Hung look like the worst South Park character ever… not that that was a really hard task. This whole idea was thrown together so quickly trying to capitalize on Hung’s 15 minutes of fame. The cover art for Hung for the Holidays might actually make the tracks on the album seem better. I hope nobody has to spend Christmas with William Hung because you know he’d be trying to share this drivel with any unfortunate guests.

Slim Whitman – Christmas with Slim Whitman

His eyes say “you’ll be safe with me”, but his smile says “I will rape you”. And what a freakin’ awesome name! Seriously, this name would mean instant respect in any professional world, from journalism to porn. Whitman reminds me of Dan Aykroyd’s Saturday Night Live character Fred Garvin, male prostitute. To be fair, Christmas with Slim Whitman shows us not to judge a book by it’s cover, as Whitman’s voice doesn’t match the sex offender image he presents.

Drink #349: The Mistletoe

1 oz Grey Goose Cherry Noir Vodka
Top with Club Soda
Splash of Sweet & Sour Mix
Garnish with Mint Leaf and Cranberry

After checking out this list, you’d probably agree with me that it’s a good thing cover art for music releases is largely a thing of the past thanks to the death of the album, tape, and CD.

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This cocktail was pretty refreshing and I’ve always liked how Grey Goose Cherry Noir and Sweet & Sour Mix work together. The Club Soda gave the drink a nice level of fizz, while not distracting from the taste of any of the other ingredients. I also really like my simple but effective garnishing of the cocktail.

December 14 – Christmas Kiss

Posted on December 14, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Tonight, We Feast

While most of us are accustomed to a Christmas feast of turkey or ham and all the fixings, around the world, the story may not be the same. Here are some of the most unique Christmas dinners in the universe!

KFC – Japan

While the Colonel’s 11 herbs and spices are famous around the world, only in Japan is fried chicken such an enormously popular Christmas dinner. This was a case where false advertising worked out pretty well. The company stated through ads in 1974 that KFC was the meal of choice in North America and Japanese folks looking to get onboard with western culture followed along. The “Kentucky For Christmas” campaign was so successful that people pre-order their buckets en masse two months ahead of time for their celebrations.

Fish Soup – Serbia

I won’t knock it, since I haven’t tried it, but not being much of a soup fan, I feel like I wouldn’t enjoy Christmas in Serbia very much. Unless the fish soup was some sort of lobster bisque or something like that. The Serbs also bake bread called Cesnica, which includes a silver coin inside, bringing good luck to the one who finds it. This has disaster written all over it though, ranging from a choking hazard to extreme dental work if someone bites down on the cash too hard.

Foie Gras – France

If anyone needs lessons on how to live decadently, the French have the knowledge, but they’re too busy sipping wine to help out and teach the rest of the world. For a French Christmas meal, one might find themselves indulging in foie gras, oysters, smoked salmon, and crepes. For dessert? Not one snack, but 13. Called ‘13 Desserts’ and meant to symbolize Jesus and the 12 Apostles, the treats are set out on Christmas Eve and left out to entice for the next three days.

Weisswurst – Germany

Germany’s Christmas dinner seems more like a barbecue gathering and I mean that in a good way. Items include sausages and potato salad and you better believe there will be beer served at this holly jolly feast. For dessert, the Germans destroy a gingerbread house that is meant to emulate the one from the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale. I bet you even get to chow down on some festively plump children, as part of the whole exercise!

Curry Goat – Jamaica

Washed down with Red Stripe beer (or at least I hope), curry goat just doesn’t seem very appetizing. I’m a fan of curry, specifically of the Indian variety, but I usually have the spicy sauce atop chicken dishes. This brings a whole new meaning to those ads that want you to send a goat to an impoverished village in Africa. Not saying Jamaica is an impoverished African village (that would simply be foolish), but it gets the ol’ brain thinking and that’s never a good thing.

12-Dish Supper – Lithuania

Once again, representing the 12 Apostles (Jesus gets left out here), Lithuanians are served 12 separate dishes on Christmas Eve and no one can open their presents until every last apostle has been eaten. Okay, I added that last little bit, but for all we know, I could actually be right… I know it’s rare, but it has been known to happen. You know, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, nobody knows how to truly party like a Lithuanian!

Drink #348: Christmas Kiss

0.75 oz Chambord
0.75 oz Kahlua
Garnish with a Candy Cane

Are there any meals that particularly stand out to you as a little bizarre? Everyone has their own way of celebrating, but that certainly doesn’t make it normal!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
I thought this shot would give me the chance to finally use the candy cane shot glass I picked up for Mrs. Sip a couple years ago (because that’s what I do: buy gifts for her that are really for me!). Then, tragedy struck when the shot glass immediately began to leak. I acted quickly, sucking the liquid through a hole in the bottom of the vessel and promptly tossed that waste of money into the sink, shattering it into pieces. Sweet revenge! The shot itself was pretty tasty, as I was expecting with the mix of two pleasant liqueurs.

December 13 – Tinsel Bellini

Posted on December 13, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Christmas Blitzed

As the holiday season rapidly rushes by, it’s important to sit back and take in all that surrounds you. That can definitely include the many winter-themed alcohol options, most of which are only released at this time of year. Here are some to keep an eye out for!

Jack Daniel’s Winter Jack

This spirit blends Jack Daniel’s famous Tennessee whiskey with Apple Cider liqueur and holiday spices. I’m not entirely sure what qualifies as a holiday spice, but I’m hoping the term somehow includes beautiful women bedecked in Christmas lingerie. Now fetch me some mistletoe and dangle that shrubbery from all the required erogenous zones!

Peppermint Schnapps

I’m not sure why, perhaps its candy canes, but the peppermint flavour has a rich history and association with the Christmas season. It could also be because I spike a lot of drinks with Peppermint Schnapps when I’m out and about town in the chilly temperatures. One particular fond memory I have is from sneaking in a bottle at Disneyland and getting torched before the spectacular Christmas fireworks show, which finishes with a smattering of fake snow to frolic in.

Burnett’s Candy Cane Vodka

I’ve been planning to use this liquor during the Christmas season, ever since Ma and Pa Sip picked it up last year. In fact, it was featured in my recent Snowflaketini and I’ll probably bring it back for an encore performance later this month, so stay tuned… Burnett’s also has a Suger Cookie Vodka, as well!

Pinnacle Cinnamon Roll Vodka

Sticking with flavoured vodkas, one of the newest releases is a crossover between Pinnacle Vodka and Cinnabon to bring the world a Cinnamon Roll-based alcohol. Cinnabon buns are a bit of a tradition for Christmas morning breakfast for myself. We don’t have them every year, but when we do, it’s a very merry Christmas!

Kahlua Gingerbread

While most Kahlua products can be enjoyed during the winter, thanks to their excellent mixability with hot beverages like coffee and hot chocolate, the Kahlua Gingerbread release is a particular stand out for the holiday season. If you get wrecked enough on the sauce, you might even enjoy making your gingerbread house… that or destroy the entire village in some sort of stupor!

Evan Williams Egg Nog

There seems to be a dispute as to what liquor should go into your Egg Nog. I was raised to believe that some sort of rum should be used, preferably a spiced rum, but other places lean toward a whiskey or bourbon, as is the case with this product. I suppose, in the end, as long as your getting your swerve (and your nog) on, the debate doesn’t really matter!

Malibu Winter/Snowcoco

What’s neat about this product is that instead of just being coconut flavoured, the company actually added bits of coconut to the spirit and offered a window on the bottle through the labelling, so you could see the chunks float around, much like the bits in a snow globe. I think it only comes out as a seasonal release, so pick it up while you can.

Yukon Jack Perma Frost Liqueur

I grabbed this product last month and while I’ve always appreciated Peppermint Schnapps, the Perma Frost Liqueur takes that tradition to a whole ‘nutha level with the addition of cinnamon spice. Also, unlike Peppermint Schnapps, which usually comes in at about 20% alcohol content, Perma Frost packs a punch at a whopping 50%!

Sourz Spirited Winter

This limited edition release combines sour cranberry and sour apple, two of the holiday season’s most prolific fruits. I’m very curious to sample this libation, but I believe it may have only been released for a short time in 2010. Like Indiana Jones, I will find my treasure!

Vana Tallinn Winter Spice

Vana Tallinn is Estonia’s primary spirit and this is their winter adaptation. The liqueur is so good that it has been selected Best Estonian Food for 2013 in the alcohol category. It is enriched with holiday spices, such as cinnamon, cardamom, anise, and nutmeg. Mrs. Sip and I grabbed a bottle of Vana Tallinn last spring and now I wish I could have the Winter Spice, as well.

Drink #347: Tinsel Bellini

Rim glass with Sugar
2 oz Hpnotiq
1 oz Limoncello
Top with Champagne
Splash of Lime Juice

Of course, there’s also a bunch of Christmas-themed beers and wines out there, but I figured I’d stick to the harder stuff… art, imitating life!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
It was a total pain in the ass to achieve the icicle look using Simple Syrup and Sugar, but I think in the end the visuals totally made the frustration worth it. Blending Limoncello and Hpnotiq together was an interesting combo that tasted pretty good.

December 12 – Candy Cane

Posted on December 12, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

12 Days of Christmas

While the Sip Advisor is doubling the efforts of everyone out there and offering 25 days of Christmas rather than a paltry 12, one would have to admit that the damn 12 Days of Christmas song can really get stuck in your head. Upon reviewing the lyrics, I’ve decided to give each item listed in the tune a patron saint. So, let’s warm up our vocal chords and run the gauntlet!

12 Drummers Drumming – Animal from The Muppets

One of my favourite percussion artists of all-time and star of The Electric Mayhem (perhaps the greatest band name in the history of music!), Animal knows how to work the skins and cymbals. His trademark wild behaviour makes him a perfect addition to this menagerie of fascinating characters.

11 Pipers Piping – ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper

One of professional wrestling’s best bad guys, Roddy Piper knew how to ignite hatred within fans. He was the perfect mix of cocky, dastardly, and vicious, earning his way into the hearts of millions of fans worldwide.

10 Lords-a-Leaping – Michael Flatley

Whatever happened to this guy? He was the Lord of the Dance… and surely that included much leaping. Apaprently, Flatley is living the good life in Beverly Hills, probably creeping on all the 90210 teenagers and throwing around his millions of dollars.

9 Ladies Dancing – Jennifer Grey

You should never put Baby in a corner and I refuse to do so, as well. One would hope that if Jennifer Grey accepted this honourable position, that she’d bring the spirit of Patrick Swayze along with her and they could perform their hit numbers from Dirty Dancing.

8 Maids-a-Milking – The Octomom

You’d have to assume that the poor woman went through sheer agony over having to breast feed all eight of her newborns. Let’s just hope her jugs didn’t end up looking as disgusting as her pregnant alien-like belly did.

7 Swans-a-Swimming – Michael Phelps

I briefly considered Natalie Portman for this position, based on her role in Black Swan, but there are other positions I’d rather have her fill! Instead, Michael Phelps gets the part thanks to being the greatest swimmer this world has ever seen. 22 Olympic medals don’t lie, folks.

6 Geese-a-Laying – Anthony Edwards

While I hope to never see Anthony Edwards actually lay an egg, he gets the nod in this category as a result of playing Nick “Goose” Bradshaw in the 1986 classic, Top Gun. He was Tom Cruise’s greatest inspiration before Scientology rolled around and brainwashed the star.

5 Gold Rings – Mr. T

Thanks to all the jewelry Mr. T is usually rocking, he’d be perfect for this role. And why can Mr. T get away with wearing so many valuable? Because no one would ever mess with the guy. Even at the age of 61, I know for a fact that he would kick my ass… that’s not saying much, but you have to credit the guy for still being a BA badass.

4 Colly Birds – Paul McCartney

I didn’t even know what a colly bird was and apparently it’s nothing exciting. It’s a common blackbird (that’s what they’re actually called) and so I add sainthood to sir Paul McCartney’s long list of accolades. He wrote the Beatles classic Blackbird and seems to understand the fowl best.

3 French Hens – Brigitte Bardot

This broad was quite the looker in her younger days. At age 79, Bardot seems to have gone a little nutty, but it’s hard to tell as that seems to be a typical personality trait for the French. Still, anyone who posed for Playboy to celebrate their own 40th birthday is rockin’ it in my books.

Where the hell is that phone hooked up???

2 Turtle Doves – Turtle from Entourage

Wait, a turtle dove is a bird… what the hell? Half of this song is about gifts of birds… I don’t want any damn birds. I’m trying to rid the world of these vermin. I still pick Turtle because he’ll at least bring a party atmosphere to the organization.

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree – Danny Bonaduce

Surely, with all the drugs and crazy antics Danny Bonaduce has gotten up to in his life, the former Partridge Family child star has awoken to find himself nestled in a pear tree on at least one occasion. Rock on, you crazy ginger!

Drink #346: Candy Cane

Rim glass with Crushed Peppermint
0.75 Peppermint Schnapps
0.75 Vodka
0.75 Crème de Cacao
Dash of Grenadine
Top with Milk
Splash of Club Soda
Garnish with a Candy Cane

Do you have any issues with my patron saint selections? I’m willing to listen to ideas for other candidates and if you sway me with a sound argument, I just may give you some credit. Ready, set, go!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
I liked this martini, despite how much of a pain it is to produce Crushed Candy Cane bits for the rim. I made quite the mess putting that element together. The drink completely tasted like a Candy Cane and was quite enjoyable.

December 11 – The Woolly Mitten

Posted on December 11, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Home for the Holidays

One of the best things to do at Christmas is watch cherished holiday episodes of your favourite TV shows, while getting warm and toasty by the fire. Here are some of my favourite shows and episodes for Christmas spirit.

Married… with Children

In ‘It’s a Bundy-ful Life’, the always down on his luck, Al Bundy, is shown what his family’s life would be like if he wasn’t around. In a twist on It’s a Wonderful Life, Al decides that his family is too happy and has such a better life without him that that’s reason enough to continue living. This hour-long episode featured late comedian Sam Kinison in the guardian angel role.

South Park

The animated sensation has a bunch holiday episodes under its belt (even having its own DVD release of the collection) and in true South Park style, they use such absurdities as Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo to get their message across. The boys have even travelled to the bizarre world of Canada for Christmas, with Cartman wanting desperately to get home to his presents.

Home Improvement

Tim ‘the Tool Man’ Taylor is a house’s worst nightmare. With all of his renovation schemes – most of which end in disaster – if a home had feelings, they would fear for their existence with Mr. Taylor around. Christmas time is no different, as Tim pulls out all the stops in his attempt to decorate his home and compete with neighbours over who has the best set-up.

Beavis and Butt-head Do Christmas

While their delinquent brand of humour might not be for everyone (it certainly isn’t for Mrs. Sip), this Christmas episode is incredibly funny. In the first segment, Beavis is head honcho at Burger World and is visited by three ghosts to learn the true meaning of Christmas. After a break for some Christmas music videos, the second installment follows Butt-head being shown that everyone’s lives would be better without him existing.

The Simpsons

It’s no surprise that The Simpsons would land a spot on this list. While they haven’t offered a Christmas episode in each of their 25 seasons, the ones they have done are quite memorable. In the first Simpson’s Christmas airing (the first full-length episode actually!), the family found its dog, Santa’s Little Helper, a turned away ex-racing mutt. The family has also battled commercialism during the holidays with a war on the Funzo toy release.

Community

Each year, the Community folks have provided an interesting Christmas episode, similar to their efforts at Halloween. In the show’s second season, the holiday episode featured the cast turned into stop-motion animation, similar to the Rankin/Bass specials, as Abeb searches for the meaning of Christmas. I don’t think I’d do very well in a stop-motion animation world!

The Office

The annual office Christmas party provides ample opportunity for laughs. I only thank the heavens above that my company doesn’t really do the Christmas thing. Do you think I want to be around my colleagues any longer than I actually have to be? Anyway, the antics of this rag tag bunch always seem to ramp up around the holidays and each Christmas party has its own issues to be dealt with.

Drink #345: The Woolly Mitten

1.5 oz Southern Comfort
1.5 oz Bailey’s Irish Crème
1 oz Peppermint Schnapps
Top with Hot Chocolate
Garnish with Whipped Cream

There are far too many Christmas episodes out there in TV Land to get to them all, but if you have any specific suggestions for the Sip Advisor, I’m all ears!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
As I’ve written before, I’m not a huge fan of warm drinks, but I do make the occasional exception for Hot Chocolate. Where this drink was good is that all the liquors tasted good together and amongst the Hot Water and Cocoa Powder. Whip Cream is always fun to use and the Crushed Candy Canes sprinkled on top was one of my better ideas.

December 10 – Snowflaketini

Posted on December 10, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Toying Around

I remember when I was just a little sipper and the annual Christmas catalogues would arrive. It was always fun to flip through this massive book, skipping through the housewares and appliances sections until you landed on the Holy Grail… the toy section. Well, catalogues are out and the internet is in. Toys ‘R’ Us has put together a list of 15 of the most popular toys for Christmas 2013… and I’ve put together a list of my opinions on them!

Crazy Cart

Oh sweet Jesus, we thank you for having been born on this day, so that I might get blitzed and ride on this Crazy Cart with my little buddy, Furious B! This thing looks absolutely amazing. Even the kid riding it knows it’s pretty awesome. What a way for kids to finally get some fresh air. Granted, they won’t really be exercising and you know in due time the Crazy Cart will be banned be some parent advisory committee. Enjoy the ride while it lasts!

Sofia the First: Royal Talking Vanity

So, basically we’ll be teaching girls at the earliest of ages to waste everyone’s time as they spend countless hours putting on make-up. This will spawn a whole new generation of frustrated men, pleading with their daughter/sister/girlfriend/wife to wrap things up because they’re already late. I certainly won’t be picking up an item like this for my future little sippers, as Mrs. Sip is bad enough and any progeny she passes her DNA down to will certainly have a built-in lateness gene.

Big Hugs Elmo

How does this character keep getting work!? I long for the day when we hear about Elmo living on the streets, his fortune spent and life ruined. Even after his handler was booted from Sesame Street amid sex allegations, Elmo is still flying high… that stupid coked out Muppet. How can anyone respect a being that’s been three-and-a-half years old since the 1970’s!? The little monster is clearly lying about its age and sending a bad message to youngsters everywhere.

Lego: Legends of Chima – The Lion CHI Temple

I’m so thankful that people still play with Lego. I loved this stuff growing up and spent countless hours building and imagining. I can’t wait for the day when my little sippers are old enough not to choke on the little hazards (all evidence says they’ll have to be 18+… although they’ll hopefully be more intelligent than dear old dad) and I’m able to buy them Lego sets. They might not care much for them, but I’ll at least be able to play with Lego again and have it be somewhat justifiable.

Doc McStuffins: Deluxe Get Better Check-Up Center

Doc McStuffins??? Seriously!? If that doesn’t say porn star name, I don’t know what does! Heck, the whole thing says fantasy role play. It all starts with a temperature check with a certain thermometer and away we go. They should have rebranded this item and had the 50 Shades of Grey folks endorse it. They’d make more money marketing the item to lonely housewives than they would getting kids to buy in… especially if Oprah lent her name to the product, too!

Tabeo E2 / LeapPad Ultra

Well, it was bound to happen that kids would have their own tablet-like devices… I’m only surprised it took so long. And maybe it didn’t. Don’t know, don’t care. Where was I? My drinker’s brain is acting up again. Anyhoo, now your child can be as neglectful and distracted as some parents are. And then they can participate in distracted tricycling… that is, if they ever leave the house and do any physical activity… hand exercise playing video games doesn’t count.

Drink #344: Snowflaketini

Rim glass with Coconut Shavings
1.5 oz Blue Curacao
1 oz Candy Cane Vodka
Splash of White Cranberry Juice
1 Lemon Wedge

Which top toys for 2013 have caught your eye? Do you have a story from your own catalogue hunting days? Perhaps you just want to track me down and throw a Big Hugs Elmo at me to release your pent-up anger. It’s all cool… just leave a message after the beep!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This drink looks cool with the Coconut Shavings acting as ice and tastes great. Despite my apprehension towards the Candy Cane Vodka, everything came together really well. Peppermint plays nicely with the Curacao, Cranberry Juice, and Lemon and makes for a very unique cocktail.

December 9 – Angel’s Delight

Posted on December 9, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

One for the Ages

For most, it would be hard to pick a favourite Christmas. What pushed that particular Dec. 25th over the edge? Was it a gift? How you celebrated? Who you celebrated with? All of them seem so good, but for the ol’ Sip Advisor, it’s a pretty easy choice. Not to take anything away from any other Christmas I’ve enjoyed over my 30 years on this planet, but bar none, my 2010 Christmas was the best… that’s when I popped the big question to Mrs. Sip! Here’s our story:

Mrs. Sip and I had been together for over eight years when the fall of 2010 rolled around and had been through a lot together. Having dated since we were both 18, we’d practically grown up together. While the road was generally quite smooth, there was the odd bump, as one would expect when you’re coming into your own as a person and going through all the steps of adulthood, such as school, work, friendships, etc.

We had also spent quite a bit of time doing the dreaded long distance relationship thing. Mrs. Sip took off for England just six months into our courtship (does that even happen anymore?) and she was there for much of the first year of our dating. A couple years later, I was off to England for my own exchange program, followed by Miss Sip going to Australia for a term and shortly thereafter, me taking off again, this time for a full year living in Toronto.

We’d done things the right way (I believe) and not rushed into our relationship, allowing each other to grow and expand our horizons at our own pace. Our relationship matured magically as a result.

One day at work, a radio ad came on and it dawned on me that it was time to go ring shopping. I hadn’t been thinking too much of taking our relationship to the next level, but at that moment, everything just seemed right about the idea.

I bought Miss Sip’s engagement ring (a spectacular piece of jewelry, if I don’t say so myself) in September of 2010, sans any help from friends or family. I wanted to do this all on my own and keep it a secret from as much of the world as possible. This caused some crazy thoughts to run through my head, such as “What if something happens to me before I ask Miss Sip to marry me and no one ever knows I have this ring purchased?”

It was a long wait from late September to late December, as I planned to propose to Miss Sip on Christmas Day and then be able to share it will all of our family and friends throughout Christmas dinners and get-togethers. Periodically, I’d take a quick peek at the beaming diamond ring buried in my dresser drawer, awed by the step I was about to take and the journey that would surely ignite.

The only person in the world I told of my intentions was Miss Sip’s dad. I had always intended to ask permission for her hand, but I did worry my secret would get around. True to his word, my future father-in-law kept my secret… and later paid for doing do!

Christmas Eve finally came and I was beyond excited. The one downside was that both Miss Sip and I were currently suffering through pretty serious colds. We had a meal out together before heading back to our apartment to enjoy our first Christmas just the two of us. Sadly, instead of enjoying drinks, while making gingerbread houses and watching a movie, we were sucking back Neo-Citron, hacking and wheezing, and giving up on gingerbread houses, settling for a gingerbread shanty town. We also put on the god awful Babes in Toyland film before both passing out from our medication.

The next morning, I was feeling a little better, but Miss Sip was still having issues. I briefly considered postponing my marriage proposal, but decided that I just couldn’t wait any longer and with both our families hosting Christmas dinners, there may not be a better opportunity to have everyone gathered.

Under the guise that I wanted to capture our first Christmas morning for prosperity, I had borrowed Pa Sip’s video camera and had it set to perfectly capture our engagement. It was hard to conceal my excitement, as we started opening our stockings.

After our stockings were emptied, I made sure Mrs. Sip went first for exchanging gifts. She got me a Nintendo Wii, which would normally have stolen the show as far as Christmas gifts go, but I knew what we’d really be talking about all day. Finally, after three months of planning and waiting, it was my turn to blow her mind.

Things started off slowly. I gave her a set of different hot chocolate toppings and a digital photo frame – I had to have something under the tree for her to throw off the scent of what I was planning. Ironically, Mrs. Sip had done the same thing for me using random DVDs (the Wii was hidden underneath a pillow). After the photo frame and hot chocolate toppings came my “set-up piece” – a simple silver bracelet that came with the engagement ring. As Miss Sip examined the bracelet, probably thinking that she should return the amazing Wii she had given me, I dropped to one knee and trying to keep my voice from cracking said, “I know that’s not the jewellery you deserve, so I also got you this!”…

Miss Sip was shocked. I don’t think she had any idea this was coming down the pipeline. We’d talked about a future together, but I don’t think she expected this at all. She quickly responded with a resounding “YES!” and what a relief that was. I kept thinking of TV shows and movies where a marriage proposal is met with rejection. Thankfully this didn’t go in that direction.

The rest of the morning was a blur. We celebrated, planned how we would tell everyone and cursed our colds. The ring was three sizes too big and shortly after I proposed Miss Sip completely lost her voice, but nothing could take that day away from us… we were now engaged to be married!

Our first stop was Miss Sip’s parents to open gifts. We brought over cinnamon buns, but I couldn’t eat with all the anticipation. Mrs. Sip was able to talk long enough to let her parents and sister know we had gotten engaged that morning and we had another little celebration.

I left after a couple hours to go to my parents. After opening gifts there, we were all relaxing when Ma Sip inquired about what I’d got Miss Sip for Christmas. I told her about all the items, leaving out the engagement ring for later. I could feel Ma Sip glaring at me as I continued to aloofly watch TV. She was not happy with my choice of gifts, which was all the more hysterical given what had actually transpired. I couldn’t help but let a wicked smile cross my face as I left the room.

That evening, I left my family dinner to return to Miss Sip’s parent’s place where I announced to the rest of her family that we had taken the next step in our relationship. Miss Sip couldn’t do it thanks to her voice giving out on her. Another celebration ensued before we were able to slip away and return together to Ma and Pa Sip’s home, where my family had gathered.

After settling in, I once again made the big announcement and (I bet you know where this is going) more celebrating was to be had. Ma Sip got her wish in that Miss Sip’s Christmas gift was more than a bracelet.

The rest of the next month was spent telling our friends about the engagement before revealing to the world via Facebook that we were set to be married in 2012!

Drink #343: Angel’s Delight

0.75 oz Gin
0.75 oz Triple Sec
Top with Milk
Dash of Grenadine
Garnish with a Candy Cane

Do you have a particular Christmas that you could call your favourite? Please share your story with Sip Nation!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (4 Sips out of 5):
This martini was a bit of a surprise. I wasn’t sure how it would all come together and it ended up being a perfectly sweet and smooth drink. The colour and garnish were nice and it was simply an all-around good cocktail.

December 8 – Naughty List

Posted on December 8, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Christmas Crazes

It seems that every year there is a couple hot toys that parents just must have. That’s right, I said parents and not kids. In most cases, I believe it is the parents who want to grab that special something for their child more than it being the kid who absolutely needs that item. Call me crazy (I’m sure you have), but kids are pretty stupid and if you just occupy their little minds with something else, they’ll forget all about the craze going on. Here are some of the most notorious toys that caused so much chaos:

Tickle Me Elmo (1996)

Man, I hate Elmo. He takes attention away from the real treasures of Sesame Street: Bert and Ernie, Snuffleupagus, the Count, Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch, and Cookie Monster. Tyco, the makers of the Tickle Me Elmo did one great example of marketing and sent the toys to talk show host Rosie O’Donnell. When she threw them out to her audience, her obsessive fan following flipped their shit and went into hyper overdrive trying to track down one of the products for themselves. Had Tyco sent the dolls to Oprah, Elmo would now be master and ruler of the world by now. At the height of the craze, buyers were forced to shell out thousands of dollars to get their hand on the vibrating doll… at least it had adult appeal, as well!

Teddy Ruxpin (1985)

Mrs. Sip owned one of these stuffed bears that would read you stories when you put a tape inside them… that means I have ol’ Mr. Ruxpin to blame for all the times she’s rather read than be amorous with the Sip Advisor… stupid bear. Then they gave Teddy his own TV series, which thankfully doesn’t cause Mrs. Sip to stay up late watching old reruns, while I work to warm the bed all by my lonesome. Well, Teddy Ruxpin may have won some battles, but I will have the last laugh in my ongoing war with the bear. While the toy was last produced in 2005, I’m still around and kicking. Now I just need to eliminate that book, TV, movie, music, and phone competition!

Cabbage Patch Kids (1983)

Ah, the year of my birth… when all was right in the world and a new savior had arrived to quell the fears of the masses. Only I was too little to stop the chaos of that Christmas shopping season when Cabbage Patch Kids hit the market and turned parents into psycho shoppers. The dolls sold like hotcakes and demand rose sharply with the lack of supplies. One notable case saw a woman in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, take over a Toys ‘R’ Us location with weaponry that included a BB gun and a freakin’ spork! I mean, how awesome were the 80’s? We didn’t need real weapons to get what we wanted. Parents today should be ashamed of themselves.

Furby (1998)

Mrs. Sip’s sister received one of these abominations last year and it was funny for about 30 seconds before we all wanted to destroy the demonic object. More than a decade earlier, the Furby was the hottest toy on the market (before cell phones and tablets, of course). Parents fell over themselves trying to get one to babysit their children and resale prices soared from a retail value of $35 to $300, in some cases. Internet scams were also prevalent as toys were advertised for sale, but never arrived for the buyer. Due to a lack of Furby’s produced, supplies ran out, driving up demand for the bizarre little robot.

Beanie Babies (1995)

It’s hard to believe, but there are many tales out there of folks snatching up these collectibles because they thought they could later retire to a life of luxury, living off of the proceeds from re-selling these toys. Sadly, the market they hoped for never materialized, despite the designers work to make Beanie Babies a collectors dream by retiring old designs and flooding the market with new characters regularly. There are stories of people buying McDonald’s Happy Meals to get the Beanie Baby sold with it, only to throw away the food (huge party foul) and a number of robberies took place at collectible stores for the stuffed animals.

Zhu Zhu Pets (2009)

If you believe the urban legends, these robotic hamster toys have to be a favourite of one Richard Gere! I can attest that Mrs. Sip and myself tracked a few of these down for her little cousin back then, but perhaps with the advancement of internet shopping and people preferring to be shut-ins and never leave their home, we didn’t have any issues finding them at stores. You’re asking, is it really a craze then? Well, prices for the $8 toy jumped $35-$40 on eBay when up for auction. The availability was more likely due to conflicting reports of the hamsters being poisonous (one group said they had high levels of antimony, while another said the level was acceptable) and adequate supplies being shipped by the company.

Drink #342: Naughty List

1 oz Amaretto (I used Disaronno)
1 oz Gin
1 oz Crème de Banane
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Splash of Grenadine
Garnish with a Maraschino Cherry

Honourable mentions go to Pogs, Razor Scooters, the Rubix Cube, and basically every video game system to be released. While I appreciate any efforts my parents made to get me any of these iconic toys, I have to say that I will not do the same for my unborn kin. I’ll leave that for Mrs. Sip!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3 Sips out of 5):
I think there’s too much going on in this cocktail. The Crème de Banane taste comes through the strongest and then you get hit with the competing flavours of Amaretto, Gin, Lemons, Limes, Grenadine, etc. My goal with the garnish was to give the impression of having a naughty and a nice list. Which one is which, is totally up to you little sippers!

December 7 – Winter is Coming

Posted on December 7, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Yuletide Legends

Urban legends can be so fascinating. Movies and websites have been made to cover all of the crazy (yet sometimes true) theories out there. And Christmas is not safe from urban legends. Here are some of the most intriguing:

Suicidal Dream

Christmas is supposed to be one of happiest times of the year. For some, though, that just makes it all the more miserable. But the theory that more people commit suicide during the holidays over any other time of the year is pure myth. So, while the holidays may drive you crazy, as you visit with relatives you don’t particularly care for and battle with fellow shoppers to find the perfect gifts… it at least won’t drive you to kill yourself!

Candied Cane

While we recognize peppermints and candy canes as often being coloured red and white, a rumour has persisted that there’s more to the iconic image than just flavour. Some have insinuated that the candy cane is a symbol for Jesus Christ; the red representing his blood, and the white his purity, as well as the shape being a ‘J’. It’s simply not true, however, so feel free to eat your Jesus canes at all hours of the day and with complete disregard towards religious persecution.

The Brotherhood of the Travelling Pants

Let’s get a true legend into this piece. Apparently, two brother-in-laws spent 25 years trading a pair of pants back-and-forth as a Christmas gift, each year finding a more inventive way of exchanging the slacks. The tradition began in the 1960’s and involved the pants being stuffed into a thin pipe, baled, and even added to a concrete mix. The pants were finally destroyed when they were to be encased in molten glass, but were burned to ashes, accidentally. Kind of makes me hope I never have a brother-in-law!

Won’t Someone Think of the Children

We’ve all seen those donation boxes at Wal-Mart and other outlets that say toys bought in the store can be donated to needy children… well, it seems this case went awry when the donated toys were returned to store shelves for resale. At the Sterling, Colorado location, managers wanted gifts to be wrapped in a Wal-Mart bag to prove the item had been purchased and not simply taken off the shelf and tossed in the box. Of course, staff made the mistake of putting the box in an unsupervised spot in the first place and should have just taken a loss on any possible donations through mischief.

Unlikely Allies

We’ve all heard the story that German and Allied troops took a break from their World War I fighting on Christmas Day in 1914 to exchanged gifts, sing carols, and even play some footie (soccer for you North American blokes). Well, all of that is, in fact, true! There’s nothing like partying with your enemy. This is why I’m always celebrating with Mrs. Sip! The 1914 truce eventually ended (as does many of my armistices with Mrs. Sip) and future attempts to come together on Christmas didn’t pan out. The war ended on Nov. 11, 1918.

Only in Canada

Sometimes I love this little country of ours. Okay, so it’s actually a massive country, but that’s not the point. If you’ve ever wondered how to reach ol’ Santy Claus, apparently us Canucks even gave the jolly fat man a postal code. It’s H0H 0H0… that’s right, it reads Ho Ho Ho! Pretty clever stuff, am I right!? Every letter sent to this address is answered, even if it comes in a foreign language or even Braille. The postal code was established in 1982 does not require postage and even return letters are free of charge!

City of Santa Hate

Philadelphia is known as the City of Brotherly Love, but clearly not so much in the sports world, where fans of the NFL’s Philadelphia Eagles actually booed Santa Claus when he appeared during a game in December 1968. The Eagles had experienced a dreadful season that year, finishing with a 2-12 record and conditions at the game were horrible, with cold temperatures, slushy seats, and falling snow. The half-time Christmas Pageant ended with Santa being pelted with snowballs from much of the Philadelphia faithful. I hope they all received coal for Christmas!

Drink #341: Winter is Coming (A Sip Advisor Original Recipe)

0.75 oz Yukon Jack Perma Frost Liqueur
0.75 oz Crowberry Frost Liqueur
Garnish with Cranberries

There are, of course, so many other urban legends to do with the Christmas season. So many that I can’t possibly fit them all in. If you’re interested in more, head over to Snopes and browse away to your heart’s content!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
Based off of the catchphrase Winter is Coming from Game of Thrones, I decided to combine my alcohols that had the word “frost” in their title. The Crowberry Frost Liqueur is quite ironic because crows play a large role in the Game of Thrones story and there’s even an entire pack that dresses like the filthy bird. As for taste, it was pretty good. The Perma Frost Liqueur is strong, but not unpleasant and the Crowberry Liqueur adds a touch of sweetness to the shooter.

December 6 – Christmas Jones

Posted on December 6, 2013 by Daniel Wilson

Reasons to Celebrate

Today is St. Nicholas Day, a little holiday I’ve always known and still celebrate to this day. As part of the tradition, we leave a boot outside our bedroom door, which is stuffed full of goodies by St. Nick. Here are some other celebrations that you may or may not have heard of!

Festivus (Dec. 23)

A Festivus for the rest of us! This fictional holiday that has grown to be celebrated by many was first popularized on the TV show Seinfeld by Frank Costanza. It is meant for those who wish to avoid the commercialism and other requirements of Christmas. Instead, Festivus revelers participate in events such as the “Feats of Strength” and “Airing of Grievances”. There is also the Festivus Pole, which is simply an undecorated aluminum pole (the Family Sip has had one decorate the house for years!). Try the event for yourself and hopefully you encounter a “Festivus Miracle” during your observance!

The Sip Advisor has an airing of grievances each and every day… it`s very cathartic… serenity now!

Hanukkah (2013: Nov. 27 – Dec. 5)

Also known as the Festival of Lights and the Feast of Dedication, Hanukkah celebrates the miracle of oil… I guess because the Jews knew they would make tons of money off the product in the future!? It’s also to rejoice over the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. Traditions include lighting one branch of the Menorah candle over each of the eight days that make up the holiday, eating fried foods, playing dreidel games and exchanging gelt, which is often cash money, homies!

Kwanzaa (Dec. 26 – Jan. 1)

This week-long celebration honours African-American culture, leading up to a spectacular feast and gift exchanging. The event includes seven principles, comprised of unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics (Commie bastards!), purpose, creativity, and faith. Kwanzaa (meaning “first fruits of the harvest” in Swahili) was created in 1966 by Maulana Karenga, a professor and activist heavily involved in the Black Power movement.

Winter Solstice (2013: Dec. 21)

The Winter Solstice is celebrated by a number of different events around the world, including the Dongzhi Festival (China, Vietnam, Korea, Japan, Taiwan, etc.), Hogmanay (Scotland), Inti Raymi (Peru), Lohri (India), St. Lucy’s/Lucia’s Day (Scandinavia), Maruaroa o Takurua (New Zealand), and Yalda (Iran), among many others. Most events include ceremonies, feasts, gifts, offerings, and general celebration. I often celebrate the day by drinking to excess… but I do that every other day, too!

Drink #340: Christmas Jones

1.5 oz Vodka (I used Strawberry-Kiwi)
Blend Strawberries & Pineapple Juice
Tsp of Sugar
Top with Lemon-Lime Soda
Garnish with Mint Leaves

Are there any holidays out there I missed that simply must be celebrated. Call me out on my obliviousness and give me another reason to party this winter season!

Sip Advisor Bar Notes (3.5 Sips out of 5):
This is one of the first times I’ve busted Mrs. Sips Magic Bullet (the mini blender, not the sex toy) out for a cocktail. The resulting mix was pretty good with Pineapple Juice and Strawberries making for a good combo. Without the Lemon-Lime Soda, this drink would not have done so well, but having that fizz to finish off the recipe was the icing on the cake!